Kua pā tō ngaro i roto i ahau
Pērā i te miro e werohia ana e te ngira.
Ko aku mahi katoa he mea tuitui ki tōna tae.
- WS Merwin
He kino atu ngā hua o te wehenga i te wehenga tonu. He maha ngā kare ā-roto taupatupatu e pā ana ki te tangata i roto i te wā poto. I te mea kua taumaha rawa, kua mamae, kua kore he huarahi, ka taupokina rātou e te mokemoke nui. Engari he aha te mea ka taea te mahi i roto i tēnei āhuatanga? Me pēhea te whakatau i te mokemoke i muri i te wehenga me te kimi tautoko?
Ahakoa he pakanga tēnei me whawhai e tō ngākau mokemoke, he maha ngā huarahi hei āwhina i a koe kia tae atu ki te whenua o te rangimārie me te harikoa i oatitia mai. Kei te whakatakoto mātou i ngā mea ki te tirohanga whānui māu me ēnei tohutohu 11 hei whakatau i te mokemoke i muri i te wehenga. Ko wai mātou, e pātai ana koe? He tohunga kei roto i ahau e mōhio ana ki ngā mea e pā ana ki a koe.
Hinengaro-rongoa Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Te Whare Wānanga o Manchester), te kaiwhakaū o Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, he tohunga ki te tohutohu i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine me te whakaora whānau, e whakapuaki ana i ētahi tirohanga hei āwhina i a koe ki te patu i te pouri. Kua tae ki te wā hei tīmata.
11 Ngā Tohutohu hei Whakatau i te Mokemoke i Muri i te Wehenga me te Kimi Tautoko
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Kua piki haere tonu te tokomaha o te hunga e pāngia ana e te mokemoke i muri i te wehenga. E whakamārama ana a Devaleena i tēnei āhuatanga, "I tēnei wā, kei te ngana tātou ki te kimi i te whakatutukitanga mā roto i ngā whanaungatanga. He huarahi tino koretake ki te tangata ake. Engari ko te kimi i te mauri, i te tikanga rānei mā roto i tētahi atu tangata, ehara i te mea hauora, i te mea pumau rānei. Ina puta he wehenga, ka hoki mai te mokemoke mā te rau ngā wā. Koinei te take e kī ana te iwi kei te ngana rātou ki te whakatau i te mokemoke i roto i te whanaungatanga. "
He mea nui te whakatika i tēnei momo āhua. Engari kia tae atu ai koe ki tētahi wāhi ka taea e koe te whakatika i ō tauira, me wikitoria koe i te ngaru pōuri e kawea mai ana e te wehenga. Engari he tino māmā noa iho? Ā, he rerekē ngā ture mō te katoa? Me pēhea te whakatau i te mokemoke hei tāne? He rerekē rānei i te whakatau i te mokemoke i muri i te wehenga hei wahine? Ā, ka taea te whakatau i te mokemoke me te kore he hoa? He maha ngā pātai. Me titiro tātou ki ngā whakautu.
Anei tētahi rārangi rautaki hei tautoko i a koe i a koe e whawhai ana ki te mokemoke.
1. Whakaaetia tō mamae hei whakatau i te mokemoke
E kī ana a Devaleena, "Ehara i te mea ko te whakahou i te āhua o te tinana, te haere rānei ki te whare takaro tinana mō te tinana tino pai, he otinga tēnei mō ngā pouri i muri i te wehenga. Me mahi he mea pai ki a koe anō, kaua e aro ki te ahurea rongonui mō te marama neke atu rānei. Kia rongo i tō mamae, kia aro atu ki tēnā, kia mōhio hoki he pai ki te noho i roto i ō kare ā-roto mō tētahi wā. Whakamahia tēnei wā ki te whakaaroaro ki ō whiringa, ki te whanaungatanga, me tō hoa o mua. Noho tahi me koe."
Ka hinga te hunga pai rawa atu i te wehenga o te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa a Dwight Schrute i te tangi nui i te wehenga atu o Angela i a ia. He pai ki te takoto noa i roto i tō moenga i te rā katoa, ki te kai rānei i ngā brownies e whitu i te wā kotahi. I ngā wāhanga tuatahi, horoia atu te tangi me te riri me te pōuri i roto i tō pūnaha. I tēnei ao e noho noa ana te noho mokemoke i roto i te whanaungatanga, kāore koe e hiahia ki te huna i tō pouri i muri i te wehenga.
Te pānui e pā ana: He aha ētahi tāngata i kaha ake ai te whakaae ki ngā wehenga i ētahi atu?
2. Kimihia te whakamarie i roto i te kamupene o ngā hoa
Kāore tātou e aro nui ana ki te nui o tō tātou hiahia ki ō tātou hoa. Engari anei te whakamaumahara kia toro atu koe ki te hoa tawhito i hiahia koe kia kite. Ka ohorere koe i te whakamarie e puta mai ana. I roto i te whanaungatanga, ka noho ko te hoa hei kaupapa matua mā tātou, ā, ka whakakorea e tātou ngā mahere me ngā hoa. Ko aua hoa tonu ka noho hei tautoko i a tātou ina ngana ana tātou ki te whakatau i te mokemoke i muri i te wehenga.
Engari he aha rawa te mea ka taea e te hoa te mahi? E whakamārama ana a Devaleena, "He huarahi pai te whakarongo ki te tangata te aro atu ki te pouri i muri i te wehenga"He manaakitanga tūturu te hoa e whakarongo ana ki a koe me te kore e whakahē, e kite tika ana rānei i ō hapa me te kore e nanakia. He puna whakamarie ēnei, he huarahi whakatikatika hoki – me toro atu ki tētahi hoa atawhai."
3. Tiaki i a koe ano
Kia noho hei kaitiaki whare, hei tohunga kai hoki māu. Kāore he take kia noho hei wahine/tāne e mahi ana i tētahi kaupapa, engari me tiaki ō hiahia taketake. Kia tino whāngai koe, kia ma hoki. Whakapaipaihia hoki tō taiao. Kāore te noho i roto i tētahi taiao paru e āwhina i a koe – kāore e whakaaetia ngā whāriki kāore i horoia, ngā kākahu haunga me ngā kākahu miro, ngā kai tawhito, me te kai i ngā mea para. Me piri koe ki te ngā mea me mahi, ngā mea kāore e tika ana kia mahia mō te wehenga!
Whakatuwheratia ngā ārai me ngā matapihi, whakaritea tō moenga, ka kai i tētahi hanawiti huawhenua me te kawhe. Kaukau, horoia ō makawe. Hei whakamutunga, whakawhiti ki ētahi kākahu hou. Ka kitea he rerekētanga nui i roto i ō kare ā-roto. Mā ngā taiao poke ka whakanui ake i ngā kare kino o te mokemoke. Kia mahara ki te whakataukī, ko te ma te karakia?
Mō ētahi atu ataata tohunga, ohauru mai ki tā mātou Hongere Youtube. Pāwhiri ki konei.
4. Ina pāngia koe e te mokemoke, kaua e tukua tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō kia pāngia
Ahakoa te uaua ki te whakapono, ehara tō wehenga i te mutunga o te ao, ā, ehara hoki i te mea e tautuhi ana i tō āhua katoa. Me ārai koe i te hiahia ki te whakawhaiaro i tō mate. E kī ana a Devaleena, "Ka whakatipuria ngā tamariki i roto i ngā taiao whakataetae. Mai i ō rātou tau tīmatanga, kua hangaia rātou kia 'toa'. Nō reira, ka honoa hohonu ia mate ki a rātou anō."
"Ko tāku tohutohu tēnei ki a koe: kaua e whakaaro he hapa whaiaro, he koretake rānei te wehenga. He wāhanga nui ēnei o te ao/ngā whanaungatanga. Kaua tō whakaaro ki a koe anō e pāngia i tēnei wā. Kaua e whakaaro pēnei i te 'Kāore au i te pai', 'Me i pai ake pea ahau'.". Ehara te whanaungatanga i te whakataetae ka toa koe."
5. Āta karohia ngā pāpāho pāpori
Nā te mea he ara noa iho tēnei ki ngā takaro hinengaro me te mamae o te ngākau. Ka tīmata katoa tēnei me tētahi kōrero i tukuna e koe mō tō hoa o mua. Ka tatari koe kia kite rātou, ka whai i a rātou i taua wā, ka titiro pōuri ki te pikitia me tētahi tangata hou (ā, he ātaahua hoki), ā, ka manukanuka. Tērā pea ka whakautu rātou ki tō pou, ā, ka tīmata koe ki te kōrero. He aha te kino o te kōrero poto noa iho, tika? He hē.
He hapa nui te taka ki roto i tētahi tauira whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kino ki tētahi hoa o mua. Ka kino ake tō wairua i tō mua. I ētahi wā, ka arahi te kōrero ki tētahi hoa o mua ki te tinihanga me ngā kīanga whakahāwea ka waiho koe kia kī tonu i ngā kare ā-roto taupatupatu. Ā, kāore koe e hiahia ki tēnei raruraru i roto i tō ao - kāore koe e hiahia ki te aro atu ki te mokemoke anō. Āraia tō hoa o mua ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori i tēnei wā tonu; e kore koe e whiwhi tautoko i reira.
Ā, ko te pāpāho pāpori te take nui o te mate urutā o ēnei rā. Ahakoa he tokorua whai mana kei te ipurangi, kei te noho mokemoke te tangata i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. He papaku noa iho te ipurangi; he pai ake te okioki i te mata.
6. Rapua he āwhina ngaio hei whakatau i te mokemoke i muri i te wehenga
Ahakoa he mea pai te noho hei ope kotahi, he mea pai te rapu āwhina i ētahi wā. Ina koa kei te ngana koe ki te whakatau i te mokemoke me te kore he hoa. Ka taea e te kaitohutohu, e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro rānei te āwhina i a koe ki te tātari pai ake i tō āhuatanga; kāore koe i te tino whai kiko ina pāngia koe e te wehenga. He maha ngā mea ngā painga kua whakamātauhia o te tohutohu.
E kōrero ana a Devaleena mō te āhua o tēnei rongoā, "Kāore e roa ka taea e te tangata te tū pakari anō. Mā te pupuri ringa iti ka āwhina i a rātou ki te titiro ki ngā mea i roto i tētahi tirohanga rerekē. Koinei tonu te take me whakatata atu ki tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro. Ki te whakaaro koe kei te kore e taea te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto, kei te mau tonu rānei mō te wā roa, rapua he āwhina."
Kua āwhina te rongoā ipurangi mai i ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro Bonobology i te tini o te tangata i muri i te putanga mai i tētahi wehenga kino. Ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki a mātou hei tautoko i a koe i a koe e whakatere ana i tēnei wā uaua o tō oranga. He mea noa te whakaora pāwhiri atu.
Te pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakatau i te Pakaru o te Ngākau
7. Hoki atu ki te huarahi tika
I kī matatau a Faraaz Kazi, "Ahakoa te kaha o te pakaru o tō ngākau, kāore te ao e mutu mō tō pouri." E mōhio ana ahau he uaua te whakatau i te mokemoke i muri i te wehenga, ā, he rite ki te whakaroa ngā mahi noa o te pakeketanga. Engari ko te hoki ki tētahi momo mahi o ia rā te huarahi pai ki te kimi i te āhua o te noho noa i roto i tō ao.
Haere ki te mahi i te wā tika, uru atu ki te whare takaro tinana, kai i ngā kai e toru i te rā, ā, whai i tētahi wātaka. Mā tēnei ka noho pōrearea koe – ehara i te mea pai te noho tonu ki ngā kare ā-roto kino. Ā, ka taea e koe te whakawhiti i tō riri, tō riri rānei ki te mahi. Engari ko te mea nui, mā te whakatū i tētahi tikanga mahi ka kore koe e whakararu i a koe anō. Koinei tonu te huarahi pai rawa atu o te ora tonu o te ngākau pouriE ai ki tā mātou kōrero, me haere tonu te whakaaturanga.
8. Haere ki ō mātua
Ko Māmā rāua ko Pāpā te mea pai rawa atu; ko te noho ki te kāinga he huarahi pai ki te whakatau i tētahi wehenga uaua. Kia noho ko koe te tamaiti o te whare, kia tiakina hoki koe. Mā te kōrero ngākau-ki-ngākau ki te mātua tino pai ka ārahi pea koe ki te whakautu i tētahi pātai nui - he aha ahau i tino mokemoke ai, i tino motuhake ai hoki i muri i taku wehenga?
E mōhiotia whānuitia ana ko te whanaungatanga ki ō tātou mātua ka pā ki ō tātou hononga aroha pakeke. Nō reira, ko ngā kupu kino 'māmā/take papa.' Mēnā he raruraru kāore anō kia whakatauhia i waenganui i a koe me ō mātua, me mahi mā te manawanui ki te whakatau i aua raruraru. Ngāna kia pai ake te hononga ki a rātou. Mā tēnei ka whakamarie i tō hinengaro raruraru i a ia e ngana ana ki te whakatau i te mokemoke, ā, ka ārai hoki i a koe kei taka ki roto i ngā tauira ōrite ā muri ake nei.
9. Katia te upoko mō ake tonu atu
Kāore au e māharahara ki tāu e whakapono ana engari te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua He whakaaro kino, whakamataku, kino rawa atu. Kāore rawa e mahi, ā, ka hoki anō kōrua. Heoi anō, ka houhia ō kōrua rongo mō ngā take hē katoa. Arā, te ngakaukore, te whanonga, te koretake o te māia, te moepuku rānei. He tino tūponotanga ka arahi tō kōrua 'hoahoa' ki tētahi whanaungatanga rerekē, rerekē, rerekē.
Puritia te take i wehe ai kōrua; he take anō tō kōrua wehenga, tika? Ka pai tonu te āhua ina titiro whakamuri, ā, ka ngaro nui tō hoa o mua. Kia mōhio koe, ki te hoki anō kōrua, ka hunaia ngā raruraru tūturu. Kaua e houhia te rongo ki a rātou kia kore ai koe e noho mokemoke.
10. He aha ahau i tino mokemoke ai, i tino motuhake ai hoki? Kia ngāwari ki a koe anō
Me atawhai koe i a koe anō me tō hoa pai. E kī ana a Devaleena, "Whakaitihia tō manawa. Tukua atu te aroha ki a koe anō, pērā i tō hoa i roto i tētahi āhuatanga ōrite. Kaua e tukua kia pono ō tumanakohanga; ko te pouri te hua o te hiahia nui atu i tāu e taea ai. Me roa te wā me te manawanui ki te whakaora. E whakaaetia ana koe kia hē..."
I pāngia tētahi o ōku hoa tino piri e tētahi wehenga kino i te tau kua hipa. E toru ngā rā i muri i tana wehenga atu i tana hoa o mua, ka hoki anō ia ki te mahi, ā, ka tīmata anō ki ētahi atu kaupapa. Kotahi wiki i roto i tana kaupapa pukumahi, ka pau tana hinu, ā, ka pakaru tana mahi i taku kaute kīhini. "Kei te mahi ahau i ngā mea katoa hei pupuri i te pai. He aha ahau i noho tonu ai i te koretake?" Ka kōrero atu ahau ki a koe i taku i kī atu ai ki a ia, "Kāore e taea e koe te noho tahi i ngā wā katoa, ka pahū koe. Me manawa noa, e tika ana?"
He kōrero motuhake mēnā kei te whakapau kaha koe ki te whakatau i te mokemoke hei tāne: Kāore koe e hiahia kia māia, kia noho puku rānei i tēnei wāhanga. Kia rongo i ō kare ā-roto, kia tangihia tō pouri. Akohia me pehea te aroha ki a koe ano ā, kaua e aro ki te hunga e ngana ana ki te whakatakoto whakaaro whakarihariha mō te āhua o te tāne.
11. Kōwhiria ngā kōwhiringa whaitake ina pāngia koe e te mokemoke
Ko te whakaputa i ngā kare ā-roto o te wehenga ki te taumata kino he tunu mō te aituā. Kaua e waiho te wehenga hei mutunga o tō oranga ahakoa te aha. Ka arahi noa tēnei i a koe ki te mahi i ngā kōwhiringa hē pēnei i te inu nui, te momi hikareti, te tarukino, te kai nui, me ētahi atu. Whakaarohia kia tino kitea. Me anga ō mahi i muri i te wehenga ki a koe anō, kaua hei maumahara ki tētahi whanaungatanga kua hinga.
E mea ana a Devaleena, "Kia tūpato ki a koe anō, kia arotahi ki a koe anake. Ko te kupu ka whakamahia e au ko 'te haumi ki a koe anō.' Me āwhina āu whakatau katoa i tō tipu kare ā-roto ina ngana ana koe ki te whakatau i te mokemoke." Kaua e waea atu ki ngā hoa o mua i roto i te haurangi, tēnā.
He nui rawa ngā whakaaro mō tēnā, me kawe pea ētahi ki te kāinga. Haunga ngā katakata, me noho ki tāu i pānui ai. Whakamahia ēnei i tō wā ake. E whakapono ana ahau ki tō rātou kaha ki te whakapai ake i a koe. Kia mahara ki te kōrero mai ki a mātou mō tō āhua – e harikoa ana mātou ki te rongo kōrero mai i a koe. E kore rawa koe e mokemoke me te Bonobology e tata ana.
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
