Makhalidwe 15 a Chikondi Chenicheni

Mu 1993, wojambula Haddaway adafunsa funso lozama kudzera mu nyimbo yake, Chikondi ndi chiyani (motsatiridwa ndi “Mwana, usandivulaze” koma ndi za nthawi ina). Iye asanabadwe, zikwizikwi za olemba ndakatulo, olemba, ndi anthanthi akhala akusinkhasinkha za funso lomweli. Njira yokhayo yopezera yankho ndiyo mwa kumvetsetsa mikhalidwe ya chikondi imene imaoneka ngati yapadziko lonse.

Chikondi chenicheni, mphamvu yosamvetsetseka yomwe imazungulira mitima ndi miyoyo, yakhala ikukopa malingaliro a anthu kuyambira kale. Kodi chikondi chimene chimasiyanitsa ndi kutengeka maganizo ndi chiyani? Kodi timazindikira bwanji mikhalidwe ya kugwirizana kwenikweni? Ndipo kodi ndi zizindikiro zotani za chikondi chokhwima, chokhoza kupirira mikuntho ya moyo? Pakufufuza uku kwa mikhalidwe 15 ya chikondi chenicheni, tikuzama mu kuya kwa kutengeka kodabwitsa kumeneku, kuulula zinsinsi zomwe zimavumbula chiyambi chake ndi mphamvu zake.

Makhalidwe 15 A Chikondi Chenicheni - Kuzindikiritsa Chikondi Chenicheni 

Chikondi, chenicheni ndi chosatha, ndi nsalu yoluka ndi kukhulupirirana, kulemekezana, chimwemwe chenicheni, ndi chifundo. Pamafunika zambiri kuposa chilakolako chosakhalitsa; chimafuna kukhwima kumene kumapirira ziyeso za nthawi ndi kuthetsa mantha. 

Chotero, tiyeni tipite patsogolo, tikumavumbula zovuta za chikondi chenicheni ndi kuunikira mikhalidwe imene imachilekanitsa ndi manong’onong’o achilendo achikondi: 

1. Kukhulupirira ndi kuona mtima

Chimodzi mwa makhalidwe oyambirira a chikondi ndi kukhalapo kwachangu kwa chikhulupiriro ndi kuona mtima. Othandizana nawo mu chikondi amakhala ndi chikhulupiriro mu zolinga za wina ndi mnzake ndipo pali kuwonekera mu ubale za maganizo, maganizo, ndi zochita zawo. Amakhulupirirana kotheratu, akumadziŵa kuti angadalire mnzawoyo kukhala woona mtima ndi wokhulupirika pamene akukondana.

Chidaliro ndi kuwona mtima mu ubale wachikondi zimapatsanso mpata kukula kwauzimu. Kudzimva kukhala wosungika kumakuthandizani kulimbitsa chikhulupiriro chanu mu nthanthi ya chikondi ndi kuzindikiranso chikondi m'malo omwe mumakhala.

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2. Kulemekezana

Khalidwe lina la chikondi limene lili lofunika kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi ubwenzi wabwino ndilo kulemekezana. Chikondi chenicheni chimaphatikizapo kulemekeza malire a wina ndi mnzake, malingaliro awo, ndi kudzipatula. Othandizana nawo amalemekezana ndi kuyamikirana wina ndi mnzake, pozindikira mikhalidwe yapadera yomwe imawapangitsa kukhala momwe alili:

• Chikondi cholumikizidwa mwaulemu chimapanga malo otetezeka komanso otetezedwa, kuteteza okondedwa ku chivulazo, mwakuthupi ndi m'malingaliro.
• Kulemekezana Zimakhala ngati chishango kuti zisaponderezedwe, kuzilamulira, kapena kuchitiridwa nkhanza, kumalimbikitsa malo omwe onse awiri angapeze chisangalalo chenicheni.
• Ndi chifukwa cha ulemu m'pamene chikondi chimasanduka mlonda wosagwedezeka, kuteteza mgwirizano womwe timaukonda ndi kuonetsetsa kuti ukhale wautali.

3. Kulankhulana momasuka

Kulankhulana momasuka komanso kogwira mtima ndi chimodzi mwa makhalidwe akuluakulu a wokondedwa wabwino. Okwatirana amatha kufotokoza zosowa zawo, zokhumba zawo, ndi nkhawa zawo poyera komanso mwaulemu chifukwa zimachotsa mantha a kuweruzidwa. Ndi omvera abwino a wina ndi mnzake ndipo amayesetsa kumvetsetsa malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kulumikizana kwakukulu komanso kumvetsetsana.

Jia, loya wa ku Massachusetts, akugawana chinsinsi chake chaubwenzi wokhalitsa. Iye akuti, "Ndakhala ndi mwayi m'chikondi chifukwa ine ndi mnzanga timagwiritsa ntchito luso lolankhulana momasuka. Ndi limodzi mwa makhalidwe a chikondi omwe amalekanitsa kusagwirizana ndi maubwenzi abwino. Pamapeto pa tsiku, ndimatha kunena zomwe zili m'maganizo mwanga komanso iye angathe. Timagawana zokhumudwitsa zathu ndi malingaliro ozikidwa pa mantha ndi kumvetserana wina ndi mzake ndi malingaliro omasuka ndi achifundo, chinsinsi cha moyo wa banja. 

4. Thandizo ndi chilimbikitso

Lingaliro la chikondi likhoza kuphatikizidwa mu chowonadi chosavuta: okondedwa omwe ali muubwenzi wachikondi amakondwerera zomwe wina apindula. Amakondweradi m’zipambano za wina ndi mnzake, zazikulu kapena zazing’ono, podziŵa kuti chimwemwe chogawana chimachulukitsa chisangalalo. Chikondwerero ichi cha kupambana sichichokera pa kuyerekezera kapena mpikisano koma pa chikhulupiriro chozama chapadera ndi kukula kwa munthu aliyense payekha.

Thandizo ndi chikondi cha mnzanu zimakutetezani masiku omwe mumadzimva chisoni, pamene chilimbikitso chili choyipa, ndipo mukusowa wolimbikitsa kuti akubwezeretseni panjira yakukula. Mwina uwu ndi umodzi mwa makhalidwe abwino kwambiri a chikondi chifukwa muli ndi munthu amene ali pafupi nanu kuti akukulimbikitseni pang'onopang'ono, akunyamuleni mukagwa, komanso akukondwerera kupambana kwanu.

5. Chifundo ndi chifundo

Malinga ndi kafukufuku , chikondi ndi chifundo zimathandiza kwambiri pakulamulira bwino zinthu. Kafukufukuyu akuti, "Chikondi, kukondana, ndi chifundo zitha kukhala zothandiza kwambiri pakuchepetsa kupsinjika, kupulumuka, komanso thanzi lonse." Izi ndi zochita zosamalirana zenizeni zomwe zimapitirira kuchita zinthu zopanda pake, pamene okwatirana amamvetsetsana ndi kutsimikizirana kuti ndi enieni. Ndiloleni ndikuuzeni nkhani yokhudza mtima yomwe imasonyeza mphamvu ya chifundo muubwenzi wachikondi.

Sarah ndi January, banja la LA, akhala limodzi kwa zaka zingapo. M’masiku oyambirira a ubwenzi wawo, Sara anali kulimbana ndi nkhawa. Tsiku lina, pambuyo pa chochitika chovuta kwambiri, iye anadziwona kukhala wothedwa nzeru ndi wosatetezeka. January, podziŵa za mavuto ake, anakhala pambali pake, n’kumugwira dzanja modekha, n’kunena kuti: “Sindingamvetse bwinobwino zimene mukukumana nazo, koma ndili pano kuti ndikuthandizeni.

January anasonyeza chifundo mwa kuvomereza maganizo a Sarah, ngakhale kuti sankatha kuwamvetsa. Kufunitsitsa kwake kumvetsera, kupereka chitonthozo, ndi kukhala magwero a chilimbikitso kunachititsa Sara kumva kuti amamumvetsetsa ndi kumchirikiza. Inunso muyenera kufunafuna khalidwe limeneli muubwenzi wachikondi.

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6. Makhalidwe ndi zolinga zogawana 

M'dziko lachikondi chenicheni, kupeza munthu yemwe amafanana ndi zomwe mumakonda komanso zolinga zanu kuli ngati kupeza bwenzi labwino kwambiri paupandu. Zili ngati kukhala pa utali womwewo, ndi kuyimba kwa ubale wanu kukhala 'mawonekedwe apamwamba'. Yerekezerani izi: Inu ndi mnzanuyo muli ngati nandolo ziŵiri zomwe zili mumphika, zomwe zikukuchitikirani limodzi. Nonse mumavomereza kuti pitsa ndiye gulu lalikulu kwambiri lazakudya komanso kuwonera Netflix mosadukiza ndichinthu chovomerezeka. 

Koma sikuti ndi zinthu zazing'ono zokha. Inu ndi mnzanu mulinso ndi masomphenya ofanana a tsogolo lanu labwino. Kaya ndi kulota kuyenda limodzi padziko lonse lapansi, kumanga nyumba yodzaza ndi chikondi ndi kuseka, kapena kugonjetsa chilengedwe chonse (hei, bwanji osatero?), muli pa tsamba limodzi. Mumathandizana maloto, kusangalatsana, ndikukhumba mwachidwi zochitika zodabwitsa zomwe zikubwera. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa makhalidwe a chikondi chomwe chimakuthandizani kumva mphamvu ya chikondi chopanda malire.

7. Ubwenzi wapamtima

Chimodzi mwa makhalidwe ofunikira kwambiri a chikondi chachikulire ndi kukondana pamlingo uliwonse: malingaliro, thupi, nzeru, ndi uzimu. Mu chikondi chenicheni, kukondana ndi chilankhulo chachinsinsi cha chikondi chomwe inu ndi mnzanu nokha mumamvetsetsa. Zili ngati kukhala ndi nthabwala zanu zamkati, kukumbatirana, ndi mphindi zokoma zomwe zimapangitsa mtima wanu kulumpha. Ndipo tisaiwale mphamvu ya kuyandikana kwa thupi. Kafukufuku wina anati "kukhudza ndi khalidwe lofala kwambiri muubwenzi wachikondi ndipo anthu amafunikira kukhudzidwa kwambiri ndi mnzanu wachikondi kuposa momwe amachitira zinthu zina." Lili ndi ubwino wa thanzi la thupi ndi maganizo kwa okwatirana onse awiri.

Komabe, izi ndi zoposa kungosonyeza chikondi ndi kupsompsonana kobedwa (ngakhale kuti zimenezo ndi zodabwitsa kwambiri). Zimakhudza kumva bwino m'thupi lanu. Mumalandira makhalidwe apadera a mnzanu, kuyambira tsitsi lake losatha mpaka nyimbo zawo zokongola zokoka. Zili ngati kukhala ndi mpando wakutsogolo mpaka chiwonetsero chachilendo kwambiri padziko lonse lapansi, ndipo simungafune kuti zikhale mwanjira ina iliyonse.

Koma ubwenzi suli chabe zosangalatsa ndi masewera; ndi za kukhalapo kwa wina ndi mzake pa nthawi zovuta. Ndi za kupanga malo otetezeka momwe mungathetsere tcheru chifukwa chikondi chimachotsa mantha. Zili ngati kukhala ndi bulangeti losalala lachikondi ndi kumvetsetsa komwe kumakuzungulirani, kukupatsani chitonthozo ndi nyonga moyo ukakhala wovuta.

8. Kulandiridwa

Chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri pa nkhani ya chikondi chachikondi ndi kuvomereza. Kumatanthauza kuzindikira ndi kuvomereza mikhalidwe yabwino ya munthu limodzi ndi malingaliro ake oipa. 

Zimatanthawuza kumvetsetsa kuti ndi apadera, omwe ali ndi mphamvu zawo ndi zofooka zawo, zomwe akumana nazo, ndi momwe amaonera. Chikondi chenicheni chimakondwera ponse paŵiri kuunika ndi mthunzi mkati mwa munthu, kuvomereza kuti palibe amene ali wangwiro ndi kuti kupanda ungwiro kuli mbali yachibadwa ya chokumana nacho cha munthu:

• Kuvomereza kumafikira ku kuvomereza zakale za mnzako, zolakwa, ndi zowawa, ndi ulendo wawo wamachiritso
• Kuvomereza kumazindikira kuti aliyense amanyamula katundu wake. Zimasonyeza chifundo ndi chifundo
• Kuvomereza sikutanthauza kulekerera; imathandizira kukula ndi chitukuko chaumwini
• Zimaphatikizapo kuvomereza kusintha ndi kusintha, payekhapayekha komanso ngati banja
• Kuvomereza kumapanga chitetezo chamalingaliro ndi ufulu mu ubale

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9. Kulekerera ndi Kusinthasintha

Kulolerana ndi kusinthasintha kumasonyeza kufunitsitsa kuyendetsa kusiyana ndi kupeza mayankho omwe amapindulitsa onse paubwenzi. Zoonadi, zilipo zinthu zomwe simuyenera kunyengerera mu ubale. Mwachitsanzo, sitikunena za kudzimana kwakukulu ngati kutsika ndege kupita ku Paris kuti mukayambitsenso chikondi ndi abambo amwana wanu (monga Rachel mu Friends).

Tangoganizani izi: Banja lokondana limakhala losiyana kwambiri. Charlotte ndi gulugufe wocheza ndi anthu pomwe George ndi munthu wodziwika bwino yemwe amasangalala ndi nthawi yabata pamalo ake owonera. Onse awiri amakondana kwambiri koma amasemphana maganizo pankhani ya zomwe amakonda.

Munthawi imeneyi, kulolerana ndi kusinthasintha kumakhala kofunikira kuti pakhale ubale wabwino womwe pamapeto pake umabweretsa chisangalalo chenicheni. Kuti athandizena kukhala ndi moyo woona mtima, okwatiranawo ayenera kupeza mfundo zimene angagwirizane. Chikondi chenicheni chimasonkhanitsa anthu pamodzi chikaphatikizidwa ndi kusagwirizana kofanana ndi kusinthasintha kuchokera kwa onse okhudzidwa.

10. Ubwenzi

Chimodzi mwa makhalidwe a wokondedwa wabwino ndichakuti akhozanso kukhala bwenzi lanu. Malinga ndi Terri Cole, katswiri wa zamaganizo, komanso katswiri wa maubwenzi, "Zinthu zonse zomwe zimapanga ubale wabwino - kudalirana, kukondana, ulemu, chisamaliro, chifundo, kufooka, kulankhulana momasuka - zonsezi ziyenera kukhala muubwenzi wanu wabwino kwambiri, ubwenzi wanu wamba, komanso maubwenzi anu achikondi."

Bwenzi lokondedwa ndi lofunika kwambiri nthawi zina kuposa bwenzi lapamtima. Muzochitika zabwino, ubale wachikondi ukhoza kukhala ndi moyo wamuyaya ndipo kuti muyambe ulendowu, mukufunikira mzanu yemwe mungakambirane naye zovuta ndi zovuta zambiri. 

Monga ubale wa Chandler ndi Monica unamangidwa pa maziko a ubwenzi woona mtima, muyeneranso kufunafuna chikondi chenicheni mwa munthu amene ali ndi makhalidwe onsewa kukhala bwenzi lanu. Chikaphatikizidwa ndi ubwenzi, chikondi chenicheni chimachotsa mantha oti wina sangamvetsedwe. 

11. Kudziyimira pawokha ndi Kudzilamulira

Ngakhale chikondi chimamangirira anthu pamodzi, chiyeneranso kulimbikitsa ndikuthandizira kudziyimira pawokha kwa munthu aliyense. Ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu za chikondi chenicheni chifukwa sichifuna kudzikonda ndipo chimazindikira momwe munthuyo amamvera payekha. Kudziyimira pawokha ndi kudziyimira pawokha ndi makhalidwe ofunikira a chikondi chifukwa zimathandiza kukhazikitsa malire abwino muubwenzi. Chimalola anthu kukhala ndi malingaliro abwino a iwo eni komanso kupewa kudalirana, ndikutsimikizira mgwirizano wolinganizika komanso wokhazikika komwe nonse awiri mumakondedwa kwambiri.

Chikondi chimatipangitsa kumva kuti ndife anthu osankhidwa ndi Mulungu kwa wina ndi mnzake ndipo tiyenera kukhala yin ku yang awo. Koma sitiyenera kugwiritsa ntchito molakwika mphamvu ya Mulungu yosonkhanitsa anthu poyembekezera kuti winayo azivina mogwirizana ndi nyimbo zanu.

Ndili ku koleji, ndinali ndi mnzanga amene anandiuzapo mmene mavesi ena a m’Baibulo amafotokozera mfundo za ufulu m’chikondi ndi mphamvu zawo zolimbitsa maunansi. M'dziko lamakono, kudziyimira pawokha paubwenzi nthawi zambiri ndi nkhani yofunika kwambiri. Ngati zonse ziwiri za psychology ndi Baibulo Lopatulika zimabwereza kufunikira kwa kudziyimira pawokha mu chikondi chenicheni, ndiye kuti tiyenera kuvomereza ndikugwira ntchito mwachangu kuti tipeze chikondi chenicheni chomwe sichimakutsekereza. 

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12. Kugawana Kuseka ndi Chimwemwe 

Mu chikondi chachikondi, kukhala pamodzi mu matenda ndi thanzi n'kofunika, koma kutha kugawana nthawi zopusa ndi kuseka n'kofunika mofanana. Chimodzi mwamakhalidwe achikondi ndikutha kuseketsana wina ndi mnzake ndikupeza nthabwala munthawi yanthawi yayitali ya moyo.

Mnzangayo wakhala paubwenzi wosangalala kwambiri m'moyo wake kwa zaka zitatu. Iye anati, “Mwamuna amagwa kwambiri chifukwa cha mkazi ndani angamuseke. Izi, Mulungu adalitse, ndichifukwa chake ine ndi bwenzi langa tili osangalala kwambiri. Ndife mabwenzi okondedwa ndipo timapeza njira zosangalalira mwa kuchita zinthu zina zatsopano. Ngakhale pamene sitikuchita kalikonse, tingakhale osangalala pamaso pa wina ndi mnzake. Ndikuona kuti limeneli ndilo khalidwe lofunika kwambiri la chikondi. Zili ngati kuwonera sewero lanthabwala labwino, nthawi zonse. ”

13. Kukhululuka

Mlangizi wa mabanja komanso katswiri wa zamaganizo, Everett Worthington, adapanga buku lothandizira anthu kusiya kukhululukirana. Kafukufuku wochitidwa pakati pa anthu 4,598 adapempha theka la ophunzirawo kuti amalize masewerowa. Patatha milungu iwiri, zidapezeka kuti buku lothandizirali limalimbikitsa kukhululukirana ndipo panali kuchepa kwakukulu kwa zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo ndi nkhawa pakati pa ogwiritsa ntchito poyerekeza ndi gulu lolamulira.

Chikondi chenicheni chimadziŵa kuti palibe mgwirizano umene umakhala ndi mikangano kapena zolakwa. Koma chimene chimasiyanitsa ndi kukhululukirana ndi kusiya zowawa zakale. Chikondi chimapirira zolakwa zazing’ono chifukwa chimavomereza kuti munthu wina ndi munthu ndipo akhoza kulakwitsa. Kusunga chakukhosi si khalidwe limodzi la chikondi. 

Ndi poizoni pang'onopang'ono yomwe imawononga maziko enieni a ubale wachikondi ndikupangitsa anthu onse kukhala achisoni. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti musamaganizire chilichonse. Lolani mpata woti mufotokozere musanapereke chigamulo chanu. Nthawi zina, inu kapena mnzanuyo mungachite chinthu chomwe winayo sakonda; zimenezo sizachilendo. Bola ngati sichili cholakwika mwamakhalidwe kapena mwamakhalidwe (kapena sichikutsutsana ndi malingaliro anu achikondi), kukhululukirana ndiye msuzi wachinsinsi womwe umapangitsa ubale kukhala wokhalitsa.

14. Kukhazikika m'maganizo

Kodi mukukumbukira chochitika chodziwika bwino cha When Harry Met Sally pomwe Harry potsiriza anazindikira kuti ali m'chikondi ndi Sally? Kukhazikika kwa malingaliro kuli ngati mzimu woyera wodekha komanso wosonkhanitsidwa womwe umakukhudzani pang'onopang'ono, ukunong'oneza kuti, "Ndi chikondi, wokondedwa wanga."

M'kati mwa kamvuluvulu wamalingaliro, khalidweli limakhala ngati wapambali wanu, zomwe zimakuthandizani kusiyanitsa chikondi chenicheni ndi kutengeka maganizo kapena kungotengeka mtima. zopindika wamba. Zili ngati kukhala ndi GPS yanu yomwe imakupangitsani kuti muyende bwino.

Ndi chikhalidwe chofunikira cha chikondi chifukwa ma rollercoasters ali m'malo ochezera, osati ubale. Kukhazikika kwamalingaliro m'chikondi chenicheni kungatanthauze zinthu zambiri: 

• Kutha kukhala wodekha komanso wokhazikika panthawi zovuta
• Kutha kuthana ndi kupsinjika ndi kupsinjika popanda kupsinjika
• Luso lowongolera ndikuwongolera momwe mukumvera bwino
• Kulimba mtima pokumana ndi zovuta, zomwe zimalola kuchira msanga komanso kusinthika
• Kupititsa patsogolo luso lotha kuthetsa mavuto komanso kupanga zisankho
• Kuchulukitsa kudzidziwitsa komanso kumvetsetsa zamalingaliro ndi zoyambitsa
• Kupititsa patsogolo luso loyankhulirana, kulola kukambirana kolimbikitsa ngakhale pakakhala zovuta
• Chisoni ndi kumvetsetsa kwa ena, kulimbikitsa maubwenzi abwino
• Kuchepetsa mwayi wochita zinthu mopupuluma kapena mopanda nzeru
• Kumveketsa bwino m'malingaliro ndi kuyang'ana, zomwe zimapangitsa kukhala ndi thanzi labwino

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15. Kudzipereka kwa nthawi yaitali 

Chikondi ndi marathon, osati kuthamanga. Ndipo mumwambo wophiphiritsa wa Olimpiki uwu, kudzipereka kwanthawi yayitali kumawonekera ngati kulimbikira, kupirira, ndi kudzipereka kuti mufike kumapeto limodzi. Ndi kutsimikiza mtima kumangirira nsapato zanu ndi kupitirizabe, ngakhale pamene mnzako akuwomba ngati ngati gulu la oimba la chainsaw.

Kudzipereka kwa nthawi yayitali kumatiphunzitsa kuti chikondi sichimangokhudza zochita zazikulu zokha, komanso zisankho za tsiku ndi tsiku zomwe timapanga kuti tikhalebe mmenemo kwa nthawi yayitali. Ndi chimodzi mwa makhalidwe a chikondi chomwe chimachisiyanitsa ndi chikondi chaching'ono chomwe mumakhala nacho kakhumi pa sabata.

Ngakhale kuti makwinya angawonekere ndipo tsitsi likhoza kutha, kudzipereka kwa nthawi yaitali kumatsimikizira kuti chikondi chikupitiriza kuphuka ngati vinyo wabwino. Kodi chimenecho ndi chinthu chomwe mumakonda komanso mumaganizira limodzi? 

Ngakhale pali mikhalidwe yambiri ya chikondi, nzeru zanu zachikondi zimatha kusiyana ndipo palibe njira yoyenera ya chikondi chokhalitsa. Kumbukirani, musafunefune zachikondi zomwe zingakusiyeni ndi kuwala kwa dzuwa, koma chikondi chomwe chingapirire ngakhale mkuntho wamphamvu kwambiri ndipo chidzagwira dzanja lanu pamene mukuyang'ana usiku wodekha. Au revoir, okondedwa abwenzi. Mulole mungapeze chikondi chomwe mukuchifuna.

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