Malangizo 7 Akatswiri Okuthandizani Kuvomereza Zakale Zanzanu

Mtsikana akukumana ndi mnyamata. Mnyamata akukumana ndi mtsikana. Amakondana ndikuyamba chibwenzi eti? Mosiyana ndi zimene anthu ambiri amakhulupirira, ubwenzi si kubwera pamodzi kwa anthu awiri. Ndi zambiri. Kukhala pachibwenzi kumaphatikizapo kuvomereza kukhalapo kwawo konse, kwenikweni. Muyenera kumvetsetsa zakale, kukonda zomwe zili pano, ndikukhulupirira zam'tsogolo. Anthu ambiri amavutika ndi choyamba pang'ono. Kotero, momwe mungavomerezere zakale za mnzanuyo?

Ngakhale kuti palibe kusintha kosintha kwa kusatetezeka, nkhawa, ndi nsanje, pali malangizo ndi zidule zochepa zomwe zingakuthandizeni kukhala pamtendere ndi munthu amene mnzanuyo anali. Tikukamba za zonsezi ndi zina zambiri ndi chidziwitso kuchokera kwa uphungu wamaganizo ndi akatswiri Neha Anand (MA, Counseling Psychology), woyambitsa-wotsogolera wa Bodhitree India ndi mlangizi wamkulu wa Bhimrao Ambedkar University Health Center. 

Funso losavuta limasokoneza malingaliro anu, "Ndingasiye bwanji kuvutitsidwa ndi zakale za mnzanga?" Yankho lake silolunjika koma ndilothandiza kwambiri. Mukuwona, pali mbali zosiyanasiyana za vutoli - kudalira, chithandizo, kulankhulana, ndi chifundo. Tiyeni tifufuze izi mwatsatanetsatane popanda kudodometsa kuti tithane ndi vuto lanu.

Kodi Muyenera Kusamala Zakale Za Okondedwa Anu?

Bwenzi mu an ubale wobwereranso nthawi ina anati, "Ndikuganiza kuti zathadi nthawi ino. Sikuti mnzanga wakale amandivutitsa ... Sindingamukhulupirire pambuyo pa zomwe ndikudziwa za ex wake. Zonsezo ndizosautsa. Ukudziwa chiyani? Zakale za chibwenzi changa zimandipangitsa kudwala kwambiri. Ndi momwe zimakhalira, kusakhulupirira ndi kunyansidwa." Zikumveka zowawa, izi si zachilendo kukumana nazo.

Maubwenzi atsopano nthawi zambiri amawonetsa ziwonetsero pamene wina adziwa za mnzake wakale kapena apeza mawonekedwe a umunthu wa mnzake mpaka pano. Koma kodi mkwiyo umenewu ndi wolungama? Kodi mbiri ya munthu ili ndi tanthauzo masiku ano? Neha akuti, "Inde, ndithudi. Ngati masiku athu ano atsegula njira ya tsogolo lathu, zakale zatipanga ife kukhala omwe tili. Zimakhala ndi zofunikira motsimikizika koma izi siziyenera kukhala chinthu choipa.

Koma palinso ena amene amanyamula katundu wa m’maganizo a m’mbuyo, zimene zimakhudza khalidwe lawo, zimatengera munthu amene akufunsidwayo. Tiyeni tifewetse izi ndikukupatsani zitsanzo zingapo zomwe ndi mbendera zofiira.

"Zakale za mnzanga zimandivutitsa; kodi nkhawa yanga ndiyoyenera?"

Ngati wokondedwa wanu akuwonetsa zovuta zina, ndi bwino kufunsa, "Kodi mungavomereze bwanji zakale za wokondedwa wanu?" Nazi zizindikiro zochenjeza za mbiri yakale ya munthu kulamulira zomwe zikuchitika. MUYENERA kusamala za moyo wakale wa wokondedwa wanu ngati:

• Onetsani zizolowezi zachipongwe: Mwina ubwana woipa kapena mbiri yosokonekera ya zibwenzi yapangitsa mnzanuyo kukhala wosakhulupirira ndi wosadalirika. Izi zimabweretsa kunyoza kapena kumutu, kuwongolera zizolowezi, kapena kukangana kosalekeza muubwenzi. Ngati iyi si mbendera yofiira, sitikudziwa kuti ndi chiyani
• Chitanipo kanthu mwachinyengo kapena kuyatsa gasi: Kukuchititsani kuchitiridwa nkhanza m'malingaliro / m'malingaliro potengera chikondi ndikodetsa nkhawa, kunena pang'ono. Zakale za mnzanuyo zikuwatsogolera kukulamulirani mwa njira zoterezi
• Khazikitsani malo anu: Kukhala wokakamira pachibwenzi ndi chizindikiro cha nkhani zomwe sizinathe. Kuwukira malo anu enieni ndikuphwanya malire ndizovuta zazikulu. N’zosachita kufunsa kuti uku n’kungofuna kudzimva kuti ndinu otetezeka muubwenzi
• Amadalira maganizo: Kufuna kumaliza kudzera mwa munthu wina ndi njira yobweretsera tsoka. Ngati wokondedwa wanu adalira inu kuti mukwaniritse, kachulukidwe kakang'ono mu equation yanu kumawakhudza kwambiri. Sali odzidalira chifukwa cha zakale

Chabwino, kodi iliyonse mwa mbendera zofiira izi inamveka ndi inu? Ngati inde, ndiye kuti pali njira zambiri zogwirira ntchito paubwenzi. Kaya kudzera mu chithandizo kapena kulankhulana momasuka, kukonza mgwirizano wapoizoni ndi kotheka. Koma ngati mnzanuyo sasonyeza makhalidwe amenewa, mwina mwasokonezeka kwambiri. Osadandaula, tikudziwa chifukwa chake mukumva kugwedezeka pang'ono pankhani yachitetezo cha ubale. 

"N'chifukwa chiyani zakale za mwamuna wanga zimandivutitsa kwambiri?"

Wowerenga wina wa ku Ontario analemba kuti: “Palibe cholakwika chilichonse ndi ife.” Ndinali ndikungodutsa zithunzi zingapo zakale ndipo ndinapeza chithunzi cha iye ali ndi bwenzi lake la panthaŵiyo.

Neha akuti, "N'kwachibadwa kukhala osamasuka ndi mbiri ya wokondedwa wanu. Ubale ndi malo apamtima omwe timagawana ndi wina. Umakhala ndi zochitika zambiri zosaiŵalika. Ndipo kusiyana ndi munthu sikumatsutsa ulendowu. Koma musamaone izi ngati chiwopsezo; uwu unali mutu wautali wa moyo wa mnzanuyo ndipo amagawana nanu zambiri." Hmmm… chakudya chabwino kwambiri choganizira! Ndipo zikuwonekeratu kuti chodabwitsachi chili ndi dzina. Retroactive Nsanje!

Ngati nthawi zambiri mumanena zinthu monga, "Mnyamata wanga ndi woyamba koma sindine wake" kapena, "Ndimada nkhawa ndi zakale za bwenzi langa ngakhale ndikudziwa kuti amandikonda" kapena "Ndimachitira nsanje zakale za bwenzi langa ngakhale kuti ndilibe chifukwa chodandaula," kapena mophweka, "chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi a bwenzi langa amandivutitsa kwambiri?" Sizovuta kuphunzira kuvomereza zakale za mnzanuyo.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 8 Akatswiri Oti Musiye Zakale Ndikukhala Osangalala

Kodi Retroactive Jealousy N'chiyani?

Nsanje zachikondi ndizofala kwambiri m'maubwenzi. Kafukufuku yense wa nsanje amasonyeza kuti nsanje mu maubwenzi zimachitika pamene wokondedwa akumva kuopsezedwa ndi chiwopsezo chogwira ntchito mu chiyanjano. Chiwopsezo ichi chochokera kwa mdani wachitatu chingakhale chenicheni kapena chongoganizira. Mwachitsanzo, Julie akuwopsezedwa ndi mnzake wokongola wa John yemwe amamva naye bwino. Kapena, kuyambira pamene Pete adalemera, amachitira nsanje kwambiri ndi mphunzitsi wa masewera olimbitsa thupi a Maya.

Kodi mwawona kuti izi ndizochitika za opikisana nawo kapena ziwopsezo zomwe zimadzetsa nsanje? Tsopano ikani izo motsutsana ndi nkhani ya nsanje retroactive kumene munthu amamva kuopsezedwa ndi chidwi mnzawo wina m'mbuyomu. Tangoganizani mukuchita nsanje mukamawona chithunzi cha m'mbuyomu cha wokondedwa wanu ndi wakale wawo kutchuthi chakunyanja komwe onse amawoneka opyapyala komanso oyenera.

Kafukufuku wansanje wobwerezabwereza limasonyeza kuti mtundu wa nsanje umenewu umachitika pamene “pakhala kutayika kwa lingaliro lapadera kapena lapadera ponena za unansiwo.” Ngati zambiri zokhudzana ndi kugonana kapena chikondi cha wokondedwa wanu zimakupangitsani kumva kuti zakale za mnzanuyo zinali zapadera kapena zapadera kuposa zomwe amagawana nanu, mungakhale ndi nsanje.

The phunziro wotchulidwa Udindo wa Social Media mu Nsanje Yobwereranso kwa Abwenzi Okondana: Kufananiza Pagulu, Kusatsimikizika, ndi Kufufuza Zambiri. ikuwonetsa ntchito ya malo ochezera a pa Intaneti popititsa patsogolo vutoli posunga zakale za anthu kuti zitheke mosavuta. Kafukufukuyu akuwonjezera kuti, "Zidziwitso zotere zokhudzana ndi ubale wakale wa mnzako zitha kupangitsa kuti mufananize nawo momwe mungawunikire ubale womwe ulipo."

Kusinkhasinkha kumeneku kwatifikitsa ku nkhani yofunika kwambiri m’nkhaniyo. Tsopano tikambirana zomwe mungachite ngati zakale za mnzanuyo zikukuvutani kukhala otetezeka muubwenzi/ukwati. Kumvetsetsa nsanje yobwerezabwereza kungakuthandizeni kuwona nkhaniyi ndi malingaliro ena omwe amakupatsani mwayi wowona nsanje yanu moyenera. Nawa njira zomwe zimakuphunzitsani momwe mungavomerezere zakale za wokondedwa wanu.

Momwe Mungavomerezere Zakale Za Okondedwa Anu - Malangizo 7 Ochokera kwa Katswiri

Ngati mwakhala mukukumana ndi zokhumudwitsa ngati "M'mbuyomu chibwenzi changa chimandipangitsa kudwala", ili ndi gawo lanu. Kudziwa mbiri yawo ya chibwenzi ndizovuta, koma tabwera kuti zinthu zisakhale zosavuta. Takonza mndandanda wa njira 7 zothanirana nazo zomwe zingakuthandizeni kudziwa momwe mungavomerezere zakale za okondedwa wanu. Mutha kugwiritsa ntchito izi pa liwiro lanu komanso mwanjira yanu - palibe mayankho amtundu umodzi mavuto a ubale. 

Ingokumbukirani mawu a William Shakespeare kuchokera ku ntchito yake yokongola Mvula Yamkuntho - "Zomwe zidachitika kale ndi zoyambira". Zomwe mukuda nkhawa nazo zatha kale; kunali kuthamangira ku zodabwitsa zanu tsopano. Hei, macheza okwanira! Yakwana nthawi yoti muyambe kuwerenga mawu 7 awa omwe ali godsend. 

1. Landirani maganizo anu 

"N'chifukwa chiyani zibwenzi za bwenzi langa zakale zimandivutitsa kwambiri?" Kuyesera kubisa malingaliro anu ndi "Ndili bwino" kapena "Palibe kanthu" si lingaliro labwino. Ndi chinthu chokhacho ndipo muyenera kuchivomereza. Landirani malingaliro anu onse mutatha kukambirana nanu. Neha anati: “Musanathetse vutolo, muyenera kuvomereza vuto limene lilipo.

Nthawi ina mukapeza kuti, "Zakale za mnzanga zimandivutitsa kwambiri", musachichotsere kapena kuchisesa pansi pa chiguduli. Fufuzani m'lingaliro ndikufika pa gwero la nkhaniyo. Osasokoneza (kapena kulola wina kuti aletse) kusatetezeka kwanu. Umu ndi momwe mungavomerezere zakale za wokondedwa wanu poyamba.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kupanga Mtendere ndi Zakale - Malangizo 13 Anzeru

2. Lankhulani moona mtima

Ngati mukuda nkhawa ndi zomwe bwenzi lanu lapita kale kapena bwenzi lachibwenzi, uwu ndiye upangiri wofunikira kwambiri womwe mungapeze. Neha akufotokoza kuti: “Sindingathe kutsindika kufunika kolankhulana mokwanira. M’pofunika kwambiri kukambirana za nsanje kapena kusadzidalira ndi mnzanuyo.

Koma ngati mwangozindikira nkhani ya m’mbuyomu ya moyo wa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, musazengereze kuifotokoza poyera. Pali zambiri kuyankhulana kwa maanja zomwe zingakuthandizeni inu ndi okondedwa anu pa nthawi yamavutoyi. Nthawi zonse kumbukirani kulankhula chowonadi chanu chifukwa ndiye mwala wapangodya wa munthu payekha.

3. Mungavomereze bwanji zakale za wokondedwa wanu? Funsani thandizo la akatswiri

Nthawi zina, tonse timafunika thandizo. Neha anati: “Munthu akatengeka ndi zimene wachita mnzawo wakale, zotsatirapo zake zimakhala zowononga kwambiri. Ubwenzi umayamba kukhala wapoizoni ndipo khalidwe lodzilamulira limakhazikika. Ndi bwino kukaonana ndi dokotala (payekha kapena limodzi) ndi kupeza chithandizo. Mukufunikira malo kapena malo otetezeka kuti mukambirane za mavutowa ndipo chithandizo ndi njira yanu yabwino kwambiri.”

Ngati mukukumana ndi mafunso ngati "chifukwa chiyani zakale za mwamuna wanga zimandivutitsa kwambiri?" kapena "chifukwa chiyani sindingathe kukhazikitsa mtendere ndi mnzanga wakale?", Kufunsana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi chisankho chanzeru. Ku Bonobology, timapereka thandizo la akatswiri kudzera pagulu lathu la alangizi ovomerezeka ndi ochiritsa. Atha kukuthandizani kuti muwunike bwino momwe zinthu ziliri ndikuyamba njira yokhalira bwenzi lotetezeka. 

4. Khalani mu mphindi  

Sitimangotanthauza izi molimbikitsa. Kulingalira mopambanitsa kumawononga maubale chifukwa kuda nkhawa ndi zomwe zachitika kale sikuthandiza. Bwanji osaika maganizo pa kukulitsa zimene muli nazo m’malo mwake? Nthawi zonse maganizo ngati "chibwenzi changa chimangokhalira kuganiza zakale" kapena "mnzanga ali ndi nsanje yobwerezabwereza" akusokoneza maganizo anu, ganizirani momwe kukhala ndi moyo wopanda phindu pa izi kuliri.

Sizingatheke kusintha mbiri yakale ndipo kutsutsa zakale za munthu wina ndi kupanda chilungamo pang'ono. Kutumiza mphamvu izi kupititsa patsogolo ubale ndi nzeru zochulukirapo. Monga wolemba wogulitsidwa kwambiri Jaclyn Johnson adalemba m'buku lake, Osamva Kukakamira!, "Kodi mumakonda kupweteka kwa khosi? Ndiye lekani kuyang'ana kumbuyo kwanu m'mbuyomo."

5. Kodi ndingasiye bwanji kuvutitsidwa ndi moyo wa mnzanga wakale? Osayang'ana

Kanizani chiyesocho ndipo musalole kumvera mawu omwe amakufunsani kuti muyang'ane foni ya mnzanuyo kapena kuwerenga diary yawo. Neha akuti, “Ndi a mbendera yofiira mu ubale mukayamba kulowa m'malo achinsinsi a mnzanuyo. Sizovomerezeka ndipo simudzalekerera ngati mutakhala mu nsapato zawo. Pewani chikhumbo chofuna kusokoneza zinsinsi zawo. ” Ngati mukufuna kuphunzira momwe mungavomerezere zakale za mnzanuyo, vomerezani ndikuzisiya nokha. 

Chifukwa kufufuza zakale kuli ngati kulowa mu dzenje la kalulu. Mudzasowa mphamvu pamene mukuphunzira zambiri za ubale womwe adagawana ndi munthu wakale. Ndi bwino kungolemekeza malo awo ndi kuwakhulupirira. Izi zimaphatikizapo kupewa kumvetsera mwachidwi, kuyang'anira malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, ndi kukambirana mwachinyengo. Kodi mungavomereze bwanji zakale za wokondedwa wanu? Lemekezani malire.

6. Khalani wachifundo

A kusowa chifundo m'mabwenzi ndi zomvetsa chisoni kuchitira umboni. Musalole kutanganidwa ndi zakale za mnzanuyo kukupangitseni kukayikira kapena kuwakwiyira. Yesani ndikuwonanso zinthu momwe amazionera. Iwo achoka patali kwambiri kuchokera pa zimene anasankha m'mbuyomo… Iwo ali pachibwenzi pambuyo pake, sichoncho? Vomerezani zinthu zomwe zidawapangitsa kuti alakwitse ndikuyang'ana ulendo wawo moyenera. 

Kotero, momwe mungavomerezere zakale za mnzanuyo mwachifundo? Mukamakambirana za nkhawa zanu, khalani womasuka kuti nawonso aziona zinthu. Mvetserani ndikuyankha, osachitapo kanthu. Neha anati: “Chifundo n’chofunika kwambiri mukamasemphana maganizo ndi mnzanuyo. 

7. Muzidziona kuti ndinu wofunika

Wowerenga wochokera ku Kansas analemba, “Mwezi wakhala wovuta kwa ine… Mai chibwenzi ndi wosatetezeka za moyo wanga wakale kwambiri ndipo izi zikufika pakudzidalira kwake. Ndikuganiza kuti akudzifananiza ndi wakale wanga ndipo sindikudziwa choti ndichite. Timalimbanabe ndipo ndikulephera kumulimbikitsa. Kodi ndingatani ngati chibwenzi changa chimangokhalira kuganizira zinthu zakale?”

Izi zimatifikitsa ku mfundo yathu yofunika kwambiri - kukhala otetezeka mwa inu nokha. Kukhalapo kwa wakale sikukuyenera kukuwopsezani mpaka pano, ndipo ngati zitero, yang'anani posachedwa! Muyenera kukulitsa kudzidalira kwanu ndikuzindikira zomwe mumachita bwino. Ndiwe munthu wodabwitsa mwa iwe wekha ndipo palibe chomwe chingachotse kwa izo. 

Anthu amene amada nkhawa ndi zinthu monga, “Chibwenzi changa ndi woyamba koma ine sindine wake” kapena “Sindikudziwa chifukwa chimene ndimachitira nsanje chibwenzi changa chakale” kapenanso kudera nkhawa za moyo wa bwenzi lawo lakale ayenera kukambirana ndi bwenzi lawolo kuti aone pamene akuona kuti ubwenzi wawo ukusoweka. Chifukwa chiyani mukuwona ngati ubale wa mnzako wakale unali wapadera kuposa womwe ali nawo? Kulimbana ndi kusatetezeka uku kuyenera kuthandiza kuchepetsa ululu wa nsanje uku.

Ndiye, mumaganiza chiyani za malangizo athu ndi zidule? Kodi adakuphunzitsani momwe mungavomerezere zakale za mnzanuyo? Onetsetsani kutidziwitsa mu ndemanga pansipa. Tikukhulupirira kuti mupambana gawo ili muubwenzi wanu. Mulole chisangalalo ndi moyo wautali zikhale zokhazikika kwa inu ndi mnzanu - kutsanzikana ndi tsiku labwino!

Ibibazo

Ubale Ndi Maphunziro: Zinthu 4 Zomwe Mungaphunzire Zokhudza Inu Nokha Kuchokera Kumabwenzi Akale

Zizindikiro 12 Kuti Maubale Anu Akale Akukhudza Ubale Wanu Wamakono

Zizindikiro 11 Kuti Muli Paubwenzi Woipa

Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

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