Transparency Mu Ubale: Tanthauzo, Momwe Mungawonetsere & Zina Zachinsinsi

Munayamba mwamvapo kukondedwa kwambiri moti mungauze mnzanu chilichonse pansi pano? Palibe zinsinsi, mabodza, palibe masewera. Matsenga awa owonekera muubwenzi amapangitsa malo otetezeka m'malingaliro anu achikondi.

Mwina mukudzifunsa kuti: Kodi kuwonekera poyera muubwenzi n'kofunika bwanji? Kodi ndingachiritse moyo wanga wachikondi ndi chidaliro komanso kuwonekera poyera? Kuti tiyankhe mafunso anu, tinalumikizana ndi Dr. Shefali Batra , dokotala wodziwika bwino wa zamaganizo komanso mphunzitsi waubwenzi. Chifukwa chake werengani nkhaniyi mpaka kumapeto kuti muthandize ubale wanu kukula bwino kuposa kale lonse.

Kodi Transparency Mu Ubale Amatanthauza Chiyani?

Dr. Batra akugawana ndi owerenga athu ku Bonobology, "Kuwonekera bwino muubwenzi, makamaka ubale wachikondi, kumatanthauza kuti onse awiri amaona kuti n'kosavuta kukhala oona mtima komanso osatetezeka kwa wina ndi mnzake. Banja lowonekera bwino limadziwa kuti likhoza kugawana chilichonse ndi mnzawo . Chofunika kwambiri, lingathe kuchita izi popanda kuyembekezera chiweruzo choipa kapena kuyankha molakwika kuchokera kwa mnzawoyo."

Tinamupempha kuti atipatse chitsanzo chosavuta cha kuwonekera kwa maubwenzi apamtima. “Tayerekezani kuti mukupita kuphwando ndipo mwamuna wanu wavala suti yosayenera, mukamuyang’ana n’kumuuza modekha vuto lake, n’kumuuza kuti avale suti ina.” Zimenezi zikusonyeza kuti: 

• Mukhoza kumuuza maganizo anu popanda kukayika
• Ngati mwamuna wanu avomereza kapena kulemekeza malingaliro anu, zimasonyeza kuti ubwenzi wanu ndi wowonekera m'maganizo
• Nonse mumamva kuti muli m'malo otetezeka m'maganizo
• Munafotokoza momwe mumamvera pa sutiyo podziwa kuti ndemanga yanu idzatengedwa moyenera

Nomba, nga mwalishiba ukuti ifyo mulelanda kuti fyalenga muleumfwana, nalimo te kuti mwalandapo. Ukadapitabe naye kuphwandoko, koma tinthu tating’onoting’ono timeneti timasonyeza kuti sungathe kuchita zinthu momasuka ndi mnzako.”

Kodi Mungasonyeze Bwanji Kuwonekera Paubwenzi?

Kodi ubale wachikondi umathandiza bwanji kuti munthu akhale womasuka? Kodi mankhwala amatsenga otani oti mupange kuwonekera poyera mu moyo wanu wachikondi? Kodi mumalumikizana bwanji ndi mnzanu pamlingo wozama ? Dr. Batra akunena kuti, "Kunena zoona, sindikuganiza kuti pali njira yeniyeni yodziwira momwe mukumvera. Zili ngati gawo la umunthu wanu. Nthawi zambiri zimanenedwa kuti kuwonekera poyera kwambiri muubwenzi kuli ngati maliseche amalingaliro. Izi zinayamba kwa Adamu ndi Hava panthawi yomwe panali maliseche enieni ndi chikhulupiriro. Kuwonekera ndi kufooka mwina zinali zosavuta kwa awiriwa. Koma mwina, lero tifunika kugwira ntchito pa izi."

Ngati mulibe kuwonekera pachibwenzi, mutha kuyesetsa kuchiritsa mabala. Ngati ubale wanu uli kale wowona mtima, mutha kuupanga bwino. Mukudabwa kuti chinsinsi chake ndi chiyani? Ndi zaka zambiri zokhala ndi mabanja komanso maubwenzi, Dr. Batra akutiuza njira zisanu zowonetsera poyera paubwenzi. Werengani!

1. Funsani zomwe mumakonda

Pa tsiku lathu loti ticheze , kodi mungakonde kupita paulendo wautali, kapena kudya chakudya ku lesitilanti? Kodi mukufuna kukambirana nkhaniyi pakali pano kapena mukufuna malo pang'ono pakadali pano? Kodi muli ndi ufulu woti ndisiye ulendo wathu chifukwa cha ntchito yanga, kapena mungakonde njira ina? Okwatirana omwe amafunsana mafunso oterewa pa zomwe amakonda amakhala osangalala kwambiri pamapeto pake.

Dr. Batra akuti, "Mumakhala ndi chidaliro ndi chikhulupiriro mwa wina ndi mnzake kuti munene zomwe mukumva. Mukumanga ubale wabwino. Kuwonekera poyera m'maubwenzi sikutanthauza kuuza chinsinsi chilichonse chaching'ono kwa wokondedwa wanu. Kuchita zinthu mowonekera ndi kusabisa chilichonse. Ndikudziwa kuti zingamveke chimodzimodzi koma sizili choncho. Mungasankhe kusagawana chilichonse ndipo mnzanuyo angagwirizane nazo. Izi zimatchedwa transparency."

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2. Ikani patsogolo mnzanuyo

Kodi zinthu zofunika kwambiri paubwenzi wanu ndi ziti ? Dr. Batra akuuza owerenga athu kuti, “Kumbukirani, pali anthu ambiri ofunikira m'moyo wanu. Koma mnzanu ndi wofunika kwambiri kuposa iwo. Bwana wanu ndi wofunika kuntchito, koma chabwino kwambiri, sipangakhale chilichonse chomwe mungagawane ndi bwana wanu chomwe simungathe kugawana ndi mnzanu. Ngati pali china chake chomwe chikuchitika ndi bwana wanu chomwe simungathe kugawana ndi mnzanu, zikutanthauza kuti mnzanuyo sakupeza chofunikira kwenikweni.” Kodi mumayika bwanji patsogolo mnzanuyo? Tsatirani izi:

• Khalani ndi nthawi yabwino ndi wina ndi mnzake ndikukonzekera zodabwitsa ngati mausiku amasiku 
• Yamikirani wokondedwa wanu ndikumuthokoza 
• Funsani maganizo awo
• Pezani chilankhulo chawo chachikondi ndikufotokozera zakukhosi kwanu kudzera pamenepo 
• Sewerani ndi mnzanuyo ndikumuwonetsa kuti mumamukonda 
• Khalani owona mtima ndi okondedwa anu ndikuyankhulana bwino popanda kuyesa kuwakhumudwitsa 
• Samalani wokondedwa wanu panthawi yovuta komanso yovuta

3. Lankhulani momasuka kuti muwonetsetse kuchita zinthu momasuka muubwenzi wanu

Kodi mudawonapo ubale wachikondi wowonekera bwino pomwe awiriwa sakulankhulana bwino? Ayi, sichoncho? Chifukwa kulankhulana moona mtima muubwenzi ndiye chinsinsi cha moyo wathanzi wachikondi. Dr. Batra akugawana nanu malangizo ake abwino kwambiri, "Musaganize momwe mnzanu akumvera. Mwina malingaliro anu adzakhala olakwika. M'malo mwake, khalani ndi kukambirana momasuka ndikuphunzira za mnzanu wanu, momwe akumvera, ndi zochita zake. Musadzisinthe nokha kutengera zomwe mnzanuyo wachita, koma yesani kupeza mgwirizano. Pangani kulankhulana moona mtima kukhala chida chanu champhamvu kwambiri chomangira ubale wachimwemwe."

4. Kambiranani ndi wokondedwa wanu vuto lili lonse

Ndi tsiku lanu usiku. Mumalandira kuyimba kofunikira ndipo muyenera kusiya mnzanuyo. Mukudziwa kuti akhala akudikirira tsiku lonse ndipo zingawakhumudwitse. Kodi mumakambirana za vuto lanu modekha komanso mopepesa? Kodi mumalonjeza kuti mudzabwezera mwa kukambitsirana tsiku la tsiku lotsatira? Kapena mumangomusiya mnzanuyo polemba mameseji okhudza kuyitana mwadzidzidzi kuntchito, ndikupewa kukambirana kulikonse?

Tsopano, taganizirani zovuta kwambiri zomwe mudapeza nyumba yamaloto anu ndikufuna kugula. Kodi mumagula nyumba ndikudabwitsa mnzanu? Kodi mumawaumiriza kuti agwirizane ndi zomwe mwasankha? Kapena mumakhala pansi ndi mnzanuyo n’kukambirana modekha musanasankhe zochita?

Kodi nthawi yoyenera kukambirana ndi mnzanu pa nkhani zovuta ndi iti? Malinga ndi Dr. Batra, “Nthawi yabwino yochitira izi ndi pachiyambi cha vuto. Koma ngati mungathe kale kuyembekezera vutolo, ndiye kuti mukambirane pasadakhale - ngakhale litakhala pachiyambi cha chibwenzi . Izi zimakupatsani mwayi wodziwa zomwe mnzanu amakonda ndi zomwe sakonda.”

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5. Khalani osatetezeka

Kodi wolemba komanso wofufuza za kufooka Brené Brown akufotokoza bwanji kufooka muubwenzi ? Iye anati, "Kufooka ndiye malo obadwira chikondi, kukhala m'gulu, chisangalalo, kulimba mtima, chifundo, ndi luso." Izi zikutanthauza kuti kufooka kumatipatsa chiyembekezo, kumatipangitsa kumva kuti ndife enieni kwinakwake, ndipo kumatithandiza kukhala ndi chifundo. Zimawonjezera tanthauzo ku maubwenzi athu ndi miyoyo yathu. Pamene Brown anapempha anthu kuti apereke chitsanzo cha vuto lofooka, mayankho ena anali awa:

• Kugawana maganizo omwe si okondedwa
• Kupempha thandizo
• Kuyambitsa kugonana ndi bwenzi
• Kupita tsiku loyamba pambuyo pa chisudzulo
• Kugwa mchikondi
• Kuthamangitsidwa
• Kudikirira kuti lipoti lofunika lachipatala libwerere

Monga mukumvetsetsa kuchokera ku zitsanzo zomwe zili pamwambazi, kukhala pachiwopsezo ndi gawo lofala la moyo wathu watsiku ndi tsiku. Komabe, nthawi zambiri timavutika kuti tisakhale pachiwopsezo mu ubale wathu wapamtima. Dr. Batra akufotokoza momwe mungakhalire okondana kwambiri ndi wokondedwa wanu kapena mnzanu:

• Lolani mnzanuyo kuti amve kukhala pafupi nanu ndipo musawabisire zinthu
• Osachita manyazi kugawana zolakwa zanu komanso zomwe mumachita bwino ndi mnzanu 
• Auzeni zomwe zikukudetsani nkhawa kwambiri ndipo pewani kudziteteza
• Adziwitseni kuti muli bwino nawo podziwa zonse za m'mbuyomu, zovuta, zoyambitsa, ndi malire

Zazinsinsi Vs Transparency mu Maubwenzi

Penapake paulendo wanu ngati banja, muyenera kuti munaganizirapo za funso losapeŵeka: Kodi ndimuuze mnzanga zonse zokhudza moyo wanga? Kapena ndisunge zinthu zingapo kwa ine ndekha, monga mawu achinsinsi a Instagram, zomwe ndakumana nazo posachedwa ndi wakale wanga, kapena zambiri zanga zachuma? Pofuna kukuthandizani kuthetsa vuto limeneli, Dr. Batra akuunikirani zachinsinsi, chinsinsi, komanso kuwonekera poyera paubwenzi.

"Zachinsinsi zimangokhudza kukhazikitsa malire kuti ubale wanu ukhale wolimba . Mosiyana ndi izi, chinsinsi ndi kubisa china chake chifukwa mukuganiza kuti zomwe mukuchita ndizolakwika. Kuwonekera kwathunthu muubwenzi, kumbali ina, kumapereka mwayi wonse. Mkangano suli pakati pa zachinsinsi ndi chinsinsi. Zachinsinsi zimaloledwa ndipo chinsinsi sichiloledwa. Kuwonekera bwino ndi chisankho chodziwika bwino chozikidwa pa kudalirana pakati pa awiriwa."

Ananenanso kuti: “Ngati simukufuna kufotokoza zambiri za zimene munakambirana kuntchito kapena kwa mnzanu, zingatchedwe zachinsinsi.” Izi zili choncho chifukwa chakuti kukambiranako kungakhale kwachinsinsi kapena kungopanda kugwirizana ndi mnzanuyo.

Nanga bwanji za maanja omwe sakonda kugawana chilichonse ndi mnzawo? Dr. Batra anati: “Amenewa ndi ogwirizana kwambiri ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake. Mwamuna ndi mkazi aliyense amene ali pachibwenzi ayenera kukhulupirirana mokwanira.

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Malangizo 9 Osunga Kuwonekera Paubwenzi

N’chifukwa chiyani kuli kofunika kudziwa malangizo apadera okhudza kuwonekera poyera muubwenzi? Dr. Batra akufotokoza kuti, “Kumanga kuwonekera poyera n’kofunika kwambiri chifukwa ndi mfundo yaikulu yokhulupirirana. Ndipo kuonana moona mtima ndiye chinthu chokhacho chomwe chingapangitse kuti pakhale kukhulupirirana muubwenzi wachikondi.” Iye akugawana mfundo izi:

• Ngati okwatirana alibe ubale wowonekera, akhoza kukhala ndi chikaiko 
• Kukayikira kumawononga maziko a mgwirizano ndipo kumawonjezera kutalikirana kwamalingaliro 
• M'malo mokhala ndi nthawi yolimbitsa ubale wawo ndikusangalala ndi moyo wawo limodzi, nthawi imatayika pakukayika komanso kuyang'anira wokondedwa wawo.

Tsopano popeza mwamvetsetsa kufunikira komasuka ndi mnzanu, nawa malangizo 9 oti musunge kuwonekera muubwenzi wanu:

1. Tsegulani za moyo wanu wamkati

Kaya ndi mnzathu kapena bwenzi lochita masewera olimbitsa thupi, aliyense amatha kuwona miyoyo yathu yakunja. Komabe, moyo wathu wamkati ndi zomwe timanyamula mkati ndi zomwe zimatifotokozera. Kulola anzathu kudziwa zomwe zili pachimake kumapangitsa ubale wathu kukhala wapamtima komanso weniweni. Titha kugawana nawo mantha athu akuya popanda nkhawa. Izi zimabweretsa kukula, chisangalalo, ndi ubale wabwino.

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2. Yesani uphungu wa maanja

Makanema achikondi nthawi zambiri amatipatsa lingaliro lakuti kugwa m'chikondi kumathetsa vuto lililonse. Komabe, kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino m'moyo weniweni, ndikofunikira kwambiri kumanga chidaliro ndi kuwonekera poyera ndi mnzanu. Ngati izi zikukuvutani, uphungu wa banja ungachiritse ubale wanu wovuta. Ungakuphunzitseni inu ndi mnzanu momwe mungalankhulire ndikuthana ndi mavuto modekha.

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit akugawana zomwe adakumana nazo ndi chithandizo cha maanja, "Zinagwira ntchito bwino pa chikondwerero chathu cha chaka chimodzi cha "kugunda". Zachidziwikire kuti ndidalankhula zambiri ndipo zinali zaka zoposa 20 zapitazo, kotero sindikukumbukira zambiri. Ndipo wakhala akupita kwa mlangizi kwa zaka zoposa 5 ndipo zamuthandiza (vuto losiyana). Chifukwa chake ndife okonda kwambiri uphungu. Nthawi zambiri amakupatsirani njira yosiyana yowonera mavuto."

Ngati mukufuna thandizo la akatswiri kuti mupange ubale wabwino, mutha kulankhula ndi alangizi athu ovomerezeka ku Bonobology. Angakuthandizeni kupeza mayankho omwe mukufuna, kumanga kuwonekera bwino muubwenzi wanu, ndikuchiritsa moyo wanu wachikondi. Gulu lathu la akatswiri lili pafupi nanu.

3. Kambiranani za foni poyera paubwenzi 

Kodi munayamba mwadzifunsapo za kuwonekera kwa foni muubwenzi? Dr. Batra akufotokoza mfundo yapadera, "Inemwini, sindikuganiza kuti okwatirana ayenera kukhala ndi ma passwords a foni. Sukulu imodzi yoganiza ingakhale, bwanji?

Iye ananenanso kuti: “Ndimaona kuti chikhulupiriro chimazikidwa pa zochita ndi khalidwe.Mukamacheza ndi mnzanuyo, mumamupangitsa kuti adzimve kukhala apadera, kuchitira zinthu limodzi, kupanga zosankha zofunika pamodzi, kulemekezana, sindikuganiza kuti mnzanuyo amafunikira foni yanu kuti aone ngati mukumubera. Nazi njira zingapo zowonjezerera kuwonekera kwa foni muubwenzi wanu:

• Lankhulani ndi wokondedwa wanu za m'mbuyomu kuti mupewe kukhulupirirana 
• Siyani foni yanu mukamacheza ndi bae wanu
• Pamene simuli pafupi wina ndi mzake, fufuzani ndi mnzanuyo kudzera m'malemba okoma 
• Osachita chilichonse chomwe sukanafuna kuti mnzanuyo achite 
• Muloleni mnzanuyo adziŵetu ngati musunga foni yanu kwa tsiku limodzi kapena kupita kudera lakutali
• Lemekezani malire a wina ndi mnzake okhudzana ndi zida zanu

4. Panganinso kuwonekera pambuyo pa chinyengo

Kuwonekera bwino mutatha kuchita zachinyengo muubwenzi kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. Anthu ambiri amaona kuti n'kovuta kupanga kuwonekera bwino muubwenzi wotere. Kodi mungasinthe bwanji izi kukhala ubale wopambana tsopano? Dr. Batra akufotokoza kuti, "Ndakhala ndikukumana ndi maanja ambiri omwe akhala akupirira chibwenzi chawo chonyenga ndipo akuyesera kubwezeretsanso chikhulupiriro chawo muubwenzi wawo wovuta." Iye akupereka njira zotsatirazi:

• M'malo moyang'ana mafoni a wina ndi mnzake komanso komwe muli, cholinga chake chiyenera kukhala pa zomwe mumachitira wina ndi mnzake 
• Ngati mukufunadi kukonzanso ubwenzi wanu, pitani kutchuthi, kuphika ndi kudya pamodzi, ndi kupanga zosankha zofunika pamodzi 
• Muzimva ndi kusonyezana chikondi chimene mumakhala nacho nthawi zonse
• Konzani, kambiranani za momwe mukumvera, lankhulani za momwe mumamvetsetsa zomwe mnzanu amene waperekedwa.
• Gwirani ntchito pazinthu zomwe zidayambitsa kusakhulupirika

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5. Osayesa kulamulira bwenzi lako 

Palibe amene angamve kuti ali otetezeka muubwenzi wolamulira womwe ndi woopsa kapena wozunza. Mwachitsanzo, mnzanu akafuna kuti mulowe mu akaunti yanu ya pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti kapena akafuna kukuwongolerani mwanjira ina iliyonse, dziwani kuti ndi chizindikiro chofiira . Ichi si cholinga chofuna kuwonekera poyera, ndi pempho losatetezeka. Ikani malire abwino kuti mumange chidaliro muubwenzi wanu.

6. Sinkhasinkhani ndi kudzifufuza

Mwinamwake muyenera kunama za maakaunti anu aku banki kapena kubisira mnzanu zinthu. Chinthu choyamba pakupanga ubale wowonekera ndikudzilingalira mozama. Palibenso ndewu zopusa, palibenso zinsinsi, palibenso mabodza. Ndiye muyenera kuchita chiyani ngati pali kusowa poyera pachibwenzi? Yesani kusinkhasinkha kwa dyadic!

Kafukufuku wochokera ku Max Planck Institute ku Germany akusonyeza kuti kuchita kusinkhasinkha kwa dyadic, komwe anthu awiri amasinkhasinkha pamodzi, kumawonjezera malingaliro a ubwenzi. Zimathandizanso kufunitsitsa kudziulula nokha ndi okondedwa anu pakapita nthawi, ngakhale kuti okondedwawo amasinthasintha sabata iliyonse. Mwanjira imeneyi, kusinkhasinkha kwa dyadic kungathandizenso kulimbitsa ubale wanu ndi wokondedwa wanu.

7. Pewani kutsutsa kwambiri wokondedwa wanu 

Kodi mumakhala mukukangana nthawi zonse m'banja mwanu ? Ngati pali chinachake chokhudza mnzanu chomwe chikukuvutitsani, ndibwino kukhala omasuka ndikulankhula naye. Izi zingapangitse kuti ubale wanu ukhale wabwino. Komabe, khalani ofatsa mukamanena za vuto kapena cholakwika mwa mnzanuyo. Izi zidzapangitsa mnzanuyo kumva zomwe akunena ndikugwira ntchito pa nkhaniyi.

8. Lekani kufananiza bwenzi lanu ndi ena

Kuyerekezera mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wa munthu wina kungayambitse kupsinjika maganizo ndi mikangano muubwenzi. Kufananiza mu maubwenzi kumapanga magawano ndipo kumatilepheretsa kuwona wokondedwa wathu bwino. M'malo moganizira zomwe ubale wanu umabweretsa patebulo ndikuuyamikira, mumatha kutaya nthawi yanu poyerekezera zopanda pake komanso zoopsa. Pewani kuchitira nkhanza kapena kuuza mnzanu kuti ndi wotsika. Izi zidzawapangitsa kukhala osatetezeka komanso opweteka, m'malo mowalimbikitsa kuti azikhala osatetezeka ndi inu.

Kukhala poyera pachibwenzi kumatanthauza kuti ngati mukufuna kuti mnzanuyo ayambe chizolowezi chomwe wina ali nacho, lankhulani momasuka za chizolowezicho m'malo monena za munthuyo. Monga, "Hey, chonde munganene moona mtima momwe mumamvera za kusamutsidwa kwanga kwa ntchito? Ndikuganiza kuti zingakhale zothandiza kuti tidziwe pamene tikuyima pa izi, kuti tipewe mikangano iliyonse m'tsogolomu." Osatchula anzako omwe anachita chimodzimodzi ndi abwenzi awo.

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9. Khalani oona mtima pa nthawi ya ndewu, koma khalani aulemu

Kukhala womasuka ndi mnzanu sikutanthauza kuti mungamunyoze ndi kumunyoza mukasemphana maganizo. Ngati mukwiya, lankhulani ndi mnzanuyo. Ngati mukufuna kukhazikitsa malire abwino kuti mukhale otetezeka, kambiranani zimenezo. Koma dziwani nthawi yoti mupume, mukhale pansi, ndikuganizira. Izi zidzakuthandizani kukhala ndi chitetezo chamaganizo muubwenzi wanu . Kuchita zinthu mukakhala pa nthawi yovutayi kungawononge ubale wanu m'malo moupangitsa kukhala womasuka.

Kunena zoona, kuwonekera mu ubale si sayansi ya rocket. Inde, zimafuna khama lalikulu ndi nthawi, koma mukhoza kulima ndi wokondedwa wanu. Ndi mlingo wowolowa manja wa kukhulupirika ndi kudalira, mukhoza kupanga chomangira champhamvu kwambiri ndi wapadera wanu.

Ibibazo

Zinthu 9 Zomwe Zimachitika Mwamuna Akakhala Pachiwopsezo Ndi Mkazi

Njira 5 Zokhala Woonamtima Kwa Inu Nokha Zidzakuthandizani Kumvetsetsa Ubale Wanu Bwino

6 Zizindikiro Za Chikondi Chenicheni: Phunzirani Zomwe Iwo Ali

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.