Kudzimva kukhala wosungulumwa muubwenzi kungakuwonongeni inu komanso kusinthika kwanu ndi munthu winayo. Kaya chifukwa chingakhale chotani, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro kuti ubale wanu ukuchepa. Kutalikirana, nthawi yayitali yogwira ntchito kapena kusakhutira chabe kungayambe kukupangitsani kumva ngati ndinu nokha paubwenziwu.
N’chifukwa chiyani anthu amayamba kukondana? Sichifukwa cha chikondi chokha, chithandizo ndi kukopa. N’zoona kuti zimenezi ndi zifukwa zazikulu zimene zimachititsa kuti ayambe kukondana, koma kulakalaka kudzipereka ndiponso kukhala ndi moyo ndi munthu m’modzi zimayamba chifukwa chofuna kukhala ndi mnzawo. Tsoka ilo, zenizeni sizikhala bwino nthawi zonse chifukwa ngakhale banja silingatsimikizire kuti simudzasungulumwa pachibwenzi.
Ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Snigdha Mishra (Katswiri mu Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) wochokera ku Beck Institute, Philadelphia, USA ndi Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapies (REBT), Clinical Hypnotherapy ndi Emotional Freedom Therapy) yemwe ndi mphunzitsi wa thanzi la maganizo ndi khalidwe, tiyeni tidziwe ndikumvetsetsa tanthauzo la kusungulumwa muubwenzi.
Kodi Kukhala Wekha Paubwenzi Kumatanthauza Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Zitha kumveka ngati zodabwitsa koma nthawi zina moyo umaponyera ma curveballs kotero kuti chinthu chomwe mumalakalaka kwambiri chimakhala chomwe chikukuvutitsani kwambiri. Mukayamba kusamasuka muubwenzi, nthawi zambiri zimawonekera mu kusungulumwa koyamba.
Apa ndikofunikiranso kufotokoza kusiyana pakati pa kukhala wekha ndi kusungulumwa. Katswiri wa zamaganizo, mphunzitsi wa zaumoyo wamaganizo komanso Woyambitsa Life Surfers, Snigdha Mishra akufotokoza bwino. "Kumva kusungulumwa muubwenzi kumatanthauza kuti mumamva kuti mwapatukana m'maganizo, pazachuma komanso mwauzimu. Mutha kumva kusungulumwa ngakhale mutakhala ndi munthu kwa zaka 20 limodzi. Kumbali ina, mukamamva kuti 'muli nokha', nthawi zambiri malo ndiye chifukwa chake. Tiyerekeze kuti, ngati mukugwirizana ndipo mukukhala m'mizinda kapena mayiko osiyana, mwachibadwa mudzakhala nokha."
“Kusungulumwa kwenikweni ndi mkhalidwe wamalingaliro,” akupitiriza Snigdha. Zizindikiro za kusungulumwa mu ubale (mosiyana ndi kukhala wekha) ndizodziwika bwino. Mumamva kuti simukugwirizana ngakhale mutakhala limodzi ndi mnzanuyo, kotero kuti pangakhale palibe mfundo yofanana yolumikizirana.
Chofunika koposa, chisangalalo chimatha paubwenzi wanu ndipo mumayamba kuzindikira kuti chikondi chasanduka kusungulumwa. Mutha kukhala mukuchita “zinthu ziwiri” monga kupita kutchuthi zachilendo, kukacheza, ndikupita ku maphwando nthawi zonse mukukhala opanda pake pamene mukupitiriza kukhala achisoni komanso osungulumwa muubwenzi wanu.
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Momwe Mungapirire Kudzimva Wosungulumwa Paubwenzi
Kodi chibwenzi chingakupangitseni kumva ngati muli nokha? Ngakhale kuti chingamveke ngati choseketsa, koma chingathekedi. Pali zifukwa zambiri zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu asakhale yekha m'maubwenzi. Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu ndi kusowa kwa chikondi cha m'maganizo ndi chakuthupi. Mukasiya kulumikizana ndi mnzanu kapena mnzanu wa nthawi yayitali pamlingo wapamtima, mumayamba kusokonekera muubwenzi wanu. Ubwenzi wonse umamveka ngati ntchito yovuta.
Zokonda zanu sizingafananenso chifukwa mulingo wogwirizana ukucheperachepera. Zimenezi zimabweretsa kusokonekera kowonjezereka kwa kulankhulana pakati pa inu nonse, zomwe zimadzetsa kusungulumwa kosatha, kunyong’onyeka, ndi malingaliro a ennui.
N’zoona kuti n’kovuta kupitiriza kudzinamiza ndi kupitiriza pamene mwasungulumwa. Kuphatikiza apo, kudzipatulaku kumabweretsa mavuto akulu komanso kutha kwa ubale. Ngati simukufuna kupita m'njira imeneyo, nazi njira zina zothanirana nazo:
1. Dziwani momwe wokondedwa wanu akumvera
Ngakhale mukulimbana ndi kusungulumwa komanso kusakondedwa muubwenzi, zindikirani zifukwa zenizeni zomwe malingalirowa amachokera. Chofunika kwambiri, dziwani ngati mnzanu akumva chimodzimodzi. Snigdha anati: “Nthawi zambiri umakhala wotanganidwa kwambiri moti suvutika kuganiza mmene moyo wako ulili.
Kungakhale kudzikonda kuganiza kuti ndiwe wekha amene uli ndi mavuto muubwenzi . Ngati wazindikira kuti ngakhale mwamuna kapena mkazi wako sakusangalala kwenikweni, ndiye kuti vuto lonse limafuna njira yosiyana kwambiri. Choncho choyamba yesani kukhala oganiza bwino ndikupeza ngati ndiwe wekha amene ukumva kusungulumwa muubwenzi kapena ngati mnzanuyo nayenso akumva kuti ndi wosafunika.
2. Pezani zomwe zimayambitsa komanso zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mukhale osungulumwa muubwenzi
Kusungulumwa kulikonse kumatha kukhala ndi choyambitsa kapena chifukwa champhamvu chochitira zomwezo. Mwina m’mbuyomo nonse awiri munalepherana. Munapitilira masiku okhazikika, mumalankhula pafoni nthawi zonse ndipo munali otsogola a PDA. Koma chinachake chasintha posachedwapa ndipo tsopano ndi nthawi yoti tidziwe chomwe chingakhale. Ganizirani motalika komanso molimbika (lembani ngati mukufuna) pazifukwa zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala osungulumwa. Kodi ndi mtunda wakuthupi? Kodi simukugwirizana? Kodi kusiyana kwa kulumikizana kwawonjezeka? Kapena ndi munthu wina?
Payenera kukhala chifukwa champhamvu chomwe muli pachibwenzi koma mukumva ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wosakwatiwa . Dziwani zochitika, zakale kapena zamakono, zomwe zayambitsa malingaliro ndi malingaliro awa omwe amakuchepetsani mphamvu. Mukazindikira zifukwa zenizeni, mutha kuyesetsa kuzithetsa.
3. Dziwani ngati malingaliro anu ali olondola
Snigdha anati: “Kodi ukungosungulumwa kapena uli wosungulumwa? “Anthu ena amavutika ndi kuchitiridwa nkhanza ndi kudzimvera chisoni.” Ukayang’ana bwinobwino, mwamuna ndi mkazi wawo angakhale akuchita chilichonse kuti asangalale koma zikuoneka kuti sakumvetsa.
Zingachitikenso kuti chifukwa cha zinthu zina, munthu amavutika maganizo kwambiri moti sadziwa momwe angachitire. Kenako amayamba kuimba mlandu ubale kapena wokondedwa wake pamene kwenikweni ndi mavuto awo amkati omwe angakhudze ubalewo. Zikatero, Snigdha amalangiza kuti apite kukalandira chithandizo cha okwatirana kapena ngakhale chithandizo cha munthu payekha.
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4. Kuthana ndi njira yothetsera chibwenzi
Yankho lakuti, 'N'chifukwa chiyani ndimakhala wokhumudwa komanso wosungulumwa muubwenzi wanga?' mwina simungakhale ndi mnzanu. Nthawi zambiri mumayika mtolo wofuna chitetezo chamalingaliro pamapewa a mnzanuyo. Chifukwa cha kupanda pake komanso kusungulumwa komwe mumadutsamo, mumakonda kugwiritsa ntchito ndodo za mnzanu kuti mupeze chithandizo. Snigdha anati: “Koma mwina mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu sangakwanitse kuchita zimenezi. "Kenako kukhumudwa nawo kumawonjezeka."
M'malo mwake, lolani kuti mukhale olimba mtima ndikuzindikira komwe mungapeze chithandizo. Mwina njira yoti musiye kusungulumwa muubwenzi ndiyo kupeza njira yothetsera vutolo. Pangani zolinga zatsopano zomwe sizikukhudza kwenikweni ubale wanu ndikuyika chidwi chanu pa izo. Pang’ono ndi pang’ono kusungulumwa kwanu kudzatha.
5. Pangani zokonda ndi zokonda zatsopano mukakhala okhumudwa komanso osungulumwa muubwenzi
Mfundo iyi ili pafupi kwambiri ndi zomwe tidakambirana m'mbuyomu. Pamene mukupeza kuti mukuyamba kusungulumwa, ndikofunika kudzisokoneza nokha. Njira yabwino yochitira izi ndikukulitsa zokonda ndi zokonda zatsopano kuti musokoneze. Zowonadi, muli ndi moyo wopitilira ubale wanu.
Ganizirani mbali zina za moyo wanu ndikupeza zinthu zomwe mumakonda kuthera nthawi mukuchita. Phunzirani zaluso kapena luso latsopano. Khalani ndi zolinga zatsopano pa ntchito yanu. Lowani nawo kalabu ndikukumana ndi mamembala atsopano. Perekani mphamvu zanu kukulitsa luso lanu. Izi zidzakufikitsani ku njira yatsopano palimodzi. Mwina mwa njira iyi, mungangozindikira kuti kusungulumwa kwanu kunalidi kunyong’onyeka kumene kwatha tsopano mutangoyamba chibwenzi.
6. Khalani ndi maubwenzi olimba osakondana
Chimodzi mwa zinthu zomvetsa chisoni m’makonzedwe a ukwati n’chakuti mumayembekezera kuti chidzakhala mapeto a moyo wanu wonse. Mukuyembekezera kuti gawo limodzi ili la moyo wanu likwaniritse zosowa zanu zonse - zakuthupi, zamalingaliro, zogonana komanso zauzimu.
“Sizikuyenda choncho,” akutero Snigdha. "Ubale sungapereke chilichonse chomwe mukufuna." Chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kupanga mabwenzi kunja kwa banja. Ngati sichoncho, mudzadalira wokondedwa wanu nthawi zonse ndikuyamba kudzimva kukhala osungulumwa komanso osakondedwa muubwenzi.
Pitani kukawonera makanema, maphwando, yendani limodzi ndi anthu amalingaliro ofanana ndikukulitsa maukonde anu. Koma samalani ngati anzanu ali ochokera kwa amuna kapena akazi anzanu, kuopera kuti mungawonjezere zinthu.
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7. Lankhulani ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu
Muuzeni mnzanuyo mmene mukumvera. Zitha kukupatsani mayankho omwe mukufuna kapena ayi - atha kumvetsetsa momwe mulili kapena zingangowatalikirabe. Simungathe kuchita izi koma kuyankhulana ndikofunikira ngati mukufuna kusiya kusungulumwa muubwenzi.
Mwina nonse awiri mungagwire ntchito limodzi kuti muthetse mavutowo. Ngakhale zinthu zing'onozing'ono monga kutenga tchuthi kumapeto kwa sabata kapena kupita paulendo waung'ono zingakhale zothandiza pobwezeretsa mphamvu . Ngati palibe china chilichonse, ayenera kudziwa zomwe mukukumana nazo.
8. Chepetsani mtima ndikupuma ngati mukumva kusungulumwa komanso kusakondedwa muubwenzi
Kudzimva wosungulumwa muubwenzi kungakhalenso chifukwa chokhala otanganidwa kwambiri ndi zinthu zina za moyo. Mwina simungathe kupatula nthawi yochitira ubwenzi wanu chifukwa cha ntchito yanu kapena nthawi yolera ana. Mwina chikondi chatha chifukwa cha mavuto a moyo wanu. Kugwirizana kwanu ndi ntchito yanu kungakhale kuti kwasokoneza ndipo izi zitha kuyambitsa mavutowa muubwenzi wanu.
Pankhaniyi, chomwe mukusowa ndi kupuma. Nthawi zina, ndi bwino kuchedwetsa, kupuma pang'ono, kuika zinthu zina pamsana ndi kumvetsera ubale wanu. M'malo motopa ndi kugwira ntchito mopambanitsa chifukwa chokondoweza kwambiri, perekani thupi ndi malingaliro mpumulo ndi kupumula koyenera.
9. Kukhala wosungulumwa muubwenzi wakutali? Lumikizananinso ndi inu nokha ndikuchita kudzikonda
Maubwenzi apatali amabweretsa khamu lazovuta ndi zochitika zazikulu. Ndipo mukalephera kugwirizana nazo, mungayambe kukhumudwa ndipo mwinanso mungayambe kudziona kuti ndinu osungulumwa chifukwa chokhala pa ubwenzi wautali. M'malo momangokhalira kufunafuna chikondi ndi chisamaliro kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wanu yemwe ali kutali, perekani mphamvu zanu kwa inu nokha.
Kudzimva wosungulumwa muubwenzi kumatanthauzanso kuti simudzikonda. Mwina mumadalira ena (pankhaniyi, mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu) kuti akupangitseni kumva bwino ndikukuthandizani. Koma popeza ali kutali kwambiri, sangathe kuchita izi nthawi zonse momwe mumayembekezera. Choncho lekani kupereka udindo wa zimenezo kwa ena. M'malo mwake, phunzirani kukhala bwenzi lanu lapamtima ndikudzikonda.
Mukayamba kukonda kampani yanu, simungaphonye kukhala ndi mnzanu nthawi zonse. Khalani otanganidwa kuchita zinthu zomwe mumakonda komanso kukhala pafupi ndi anthu omwe mumawakonda. Sinkhasinkhani ndikuyesa kulumikizana ndi umunthu wanu wamkati.
10. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri
Kodi ubwenzi ungakupangitseni kukhala wosungulumwa? Inde. Kodi kusungulumwa kumeneko kungasokonezenso mbali zina za moyo wanu? Ndiponso, inde. Kusungulumwa komwe kumakhalapo kwa nthawi yayitali kumatha kukhala ndi zotsatirapo pamalingaliro anu. Zitha kuyambitsa kupsinjika maganizo kapena kuipiraipira pamene mukuyamba kusiya kucheza. Mumalimbitsa chikhulupiriro chakuti simukuyenera kukhala osangalala.
Chithandizo chingakuthandizeni kukonzanso ndikusintha zikhulupiriro zanu. Nthawi zina, mankhwala a kusungulumwa amakhala pakudzisintha nokha. Kusintha kwa malingaliro kungayambitse kusintha kwenikweni. M'malo mofunafuna zifukwa zokhalira osungulumwa, mothandizidwa ndi chithandizo, mutha kusintha malingaliro anu kuti akhale abwino.
11. Yesani ndikusintha moyo wanu
Popeza kusungulumwa m'maubwenzi kumatha kulumikizidwa ndi zovuta zina zamaganizidwe monga kuchuluka kwa nkhawa komanso kukhumudwa kobisika, kusintha moyo wanu kungathandize kuchepetsa izi. Kugona bwino, kudya zakudya zabwino, kusamalira thupi lanu ndi malingaliro anu zonse ndi mbali ya chizoloŵezi chabwino chodzisamalira.
Pewani kumwa mowa kapena kudalira mankhwala osokoneza bongo kuti muchepetse kusungulumwa kwanu. Amangowonjezera zinthu. M'malo mwake, perekani mphamvu zomwezo kuti mukhale ndi moyo wabwino ndikuumba thupi lanu. Zotsatira zake sizingawonekere nthawi yomweyo koma zimatha kupita kutali polimbana ndi kusungulumwa komanso kusakondedwa muubwenzi.
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12. Ngati mukumva kuti ndinu osungulumwa komanso simukukondedwa pa chibwenzi, limbikitsani maubwenzi ena
Moyo ndi zomwe umapanga. Ngakhale kuti chibwenzi chanu chapano sichingakupatseni chimwemwe chimene mukuyenera kuchipeza, ganizirani mofatsa zimene zikuyenda ZOYERA m'malo mongogwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zanu pazolakwika.
Limbikitsani ubwenzi wanu ndikuyamba kukhala ndi nthawi yochulukirapo ndi anzanu . Khalani ndi nthawi yopuma ndi ana anu, abale anu, ndi makolo anu. Pitani kunja ndi anzanu pafupipafupi ndikuyesera kupanga ubwenzi watsopano. Mwina sizingathandize ubale wanu wapano koma zidzakuthandizani kuthana ndi kusungulumwa kwanu bwino ndikuzindikira kuti pali chikondi chochuluka chomwe chilipo kwa inu!
13. Musakayikire chikondi chomwe mumagawana
Kusungulumwa m'maubwenzi kwakhala kofala kwambiri masiku ano ndipo simunganene kuti mumakhulupirira kuti chikondi chasinthidwa kukhala kusungulumwa. Komabe, yesetsani kukayikira chisamaliro, chikondi ndi chikondi chomwe chinakubweretsani pamodzi poyamba.
Ngakhale mungamve mtunda wakuthupi ndi wamaganizo pakati pa inu ndi mnzanuyo, sizikutanthauza kuti maziko a ubale wanu asintha. Ukhoza kubwezeretsedwanso ndi khama ndi kudzipereka kotero pokhapokha ngati chikondi chanu pa iye chatha kwathunthu, kapena mukumva kuti muli pachibwenzi chonyenga, musataye mtima.
14. Pangani dala zokumana nazo ngati mukusungulumwa pa chibwenzi
Izi ndizovuta koma ngati mukufunitsitsa kubweretsanso kumverera komwe kunatayika kwa mgwirizano, njira zina zadala zobwezera wokondedwa wanu kudziko lanu ndizofunikira. Pangani nthawi yogawana zomwe mwakumana nazo kuti musiye kudzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndimakhala wokhumudwa komanso wosungulumwa ndi mnzanga?"
Mwachitsanzo, gwirizanani nawo pamene akusangalala ndi masewera a mpira. Athandizeni kukhitchini. Kambiranani nkhani zazing'ono. Konzani kulankhulana muubwenzi. Mwanjira ina, musazengereze kusonyeza kuti mukuyesera kuti zinthu ziyende bwino. Mungakhulupirire kuti popeza INU ndinu amene mukumva kusungulumwa, simuyenera kuyesetsa. Koma chofunika kwambiri ndi chakuti - simukuwachitira iwo, mukuchitira inuyo.
15. Dziwani nthawi yoti muchoke
Zikumveka zovuta, tikudziwa, koma simungathe kulimbana ndi kusungulumwa kupitirira mfundo imodzi. Simuyenera kuchoka muukwati wanu kapena ubale wautali popanda kuchita khama koma mkuntho uyenera kuthetsedwa mbali zonse ziwiri. Wokondedwa wanu ayenera kufuna kukuthandizani monga momwe mungafunire kudzithandizira nokha.
Ngati, mosasamala kanthu za zoyesayesa zonse, mmodzi wa inu alibe chisonkhezero kapena chifuno cha kuyesayesa kupanga unansiwo kukhala wachimwemwe, mwinamwake ndiyo nthaŵi yothetsa. Mwanjira zina, ndi bwino kungodzitengera nokha chimwemwe m’malo modikira kuti zinthu ziipireipire.
Kusungulumwa muubwenzi ndi chilengedwe mukasiya kumverera kugwirizana koma pali njira zolimbana nazo. Yambani ndikulankhula ndi mnzanuyo, kukambirana ndi inu nokha ndipo koposa zonse kukhala wokonzeka kupita mtunda wowonjezera kudzikoka nokha ndi ubale wanu kuchoka mu moss wafika.
Ibibazo
Ubale umayenera kukupangitsani kukhala osangalala komanso olumikizidwa. Mukufuna kugawana chikondi chanu ndikumverera kuti ndinu a wina ndi mzake. Zikuyenera kukupangitsani kumva kukhala wotetezeka kuti pali winawake amene amasamala za malingaliro anu.
Kudziona kukhala wosungulumwa paubwenzi kukuchulukirachulukira masiku ano. Zitha kukhala chifukwa cha kusowa kwa kulumikizana kapena kusowa kwa ubale wapamtima komanso wakuthupi.
Ndizovuta kunena ngati kukhala pachibwenzi kapena kukhala mbeta kuli bwino chifukwa aliyense ali ndi zabwino ndi zoyipa zake. Muubwenzi, pali zosintha zambiri komanso zosagwirizana zomwe munthu ayenera kupanga kuti zitheke.
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
