Kuyambira Paubwenzi - Malangizo 11 Oti Muzichita Bwino

Pambuyo pa zowawa zonse ndi zowawa, pamene mukuyang'ana nambala yokhudzana ndi omwe muli nawo pa foni yanu pa 2 AM, mungayambe kumverera kuti kuyamba chibwenzi sikungakhale lingaliro loipa kwambiri. Mukafika pozindikira kuti simungathe kukhala popanda munthu uyu, mwina mukungodina batani loyimbira nthawi yomweyo. Koma mukutsimikiza kukhala ubale wabwino nthawi ino?

Tisamamenye m'tchire, kuyambira pachibwenzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kapena kusweka mtima kumafuna ntchito yambiri. Sizophweka monga kugunda batani yokonzanso. Kumenyana kobwerezabwereza mwina kudzakhala bwino kwa inu awiri, ndipo chifukwa chakuti mwaganiza zopitanso, sizikutanthauza kuti chiyambi chatsopano chidzayenda bwino.

Ndicho chifukwa chake musanayambe, ndikofunikira kuyankha mafunso ochepa ofunikira. Kodi mumayamba bwanji chibwenzi? Kodi zikutanthauza chiyani kwa inu? Kodi mukufuna kupanga bwanji ubale wa 2.0 kukhala wabwino? Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kuthana ndi mavuto obwera chifukwa chobwezeretsa zomwe zinalipo kale, pokambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani yopatukana ndi kusudzulana.

Kodi Kuyambiranso Paubwenzi Kumatanthauza Chiyani? 

Kodi kuyambanso chibwenzi kumatanthauza chiyani? Chabwino, kwenikweni, zikutanthauza kupatsa chibwenzi chiyambi chatsopano kapena bwenzi lakale mwayi wina. Komabe, kunena zoona, kupeza tanthauzo loyera mu maubwenzi ndikosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita. Ngakhale mungakhale mukuganiza kuti mungabwezere bwanji ubale wanu monga momwe udaliri poyamba, muyenera kukumbukira kuti mwina sizingatheke.

Kupatula apo, simungaiwale zam'mbuyo komanso zomwe zidakukhumudwitsani. Zimenezi zingatanthauze kudziika paupandu wobwerezanso zolakwa zomwezo. Kupatula apo, kupambana koyambira ndi bwenzi lakale kungadalire pazinthu zambiri monga nkhani zomwe zidasokoneza ubale wanu nthawi yoyamba ndi zifukwa zomwe mukufuna kuyambiranso kulumikizana.

Mwachitsanzo, ngati chibwenzi chanu chinali choipa chomwe chinkaopseza thanzi lanu la maganizo kapena la thupi, kuyesa kuyambiranso chibwenzicho kungabweretse nkhani zina zoipa. Mofananamo, ngati chomwe mukulakalaka ndi chitetezo ndi chitonthozo cha "kukhala pachibwenzi" osati munthu amene munali naye pachibwenzi, mwina mukungomva kusungulumwa ndipo simukufuna kuyambanso.

Ngati mukuyang'ana kuti muyambe chibwenzi ndi wakale wanu ndipo simunalankhule nawo zaka zingapo, ndikofunikanso kuvomereza kuti munthu amene mumamudziwa angakhale kulibenso. Mwina simudzatha kuonana maso ndi maso pa kusiyana kwina komwe kunayambitsa kusudzulana koyamba. Mwachidule, ngati magalasi anu okhala ndi rozi amakupangitsani kunyalanyaza nthawi zovuta, ndinu otengeka, osati m'chikondi.

Mwamwayi, pali njira zothana ndi izi ndikuwonetsetsa kuti zinthu zachitika kachiwiri. Ndiye khalani ndi inu nokha ndikufunsani, kodi kuyambanso chibwenzi kumatanthauza chiyani? Kenako, pitilizani momwe mungayambire mwatsopano muubwenzi. Nazi zinthu zingapo zomwe muyenera kukumbukira:

• Muyenera kuonetsetsa kuti muli mmenemo pazifukwa zoyenera
• Siyani ziyembekezo zanu pakhomo, ndipo musaganize kuti munthuyo adzakhala ndendende mmene analili; mwina asintha m'njira zomwe simungathe kuziganizira
• Ubale watsopano wa munthu yemweyo uyenera kukhala wopindulitsa. Choncho, muyenera kudzifunsa mafunso ovuta - Kodi mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungabwezeretsere ubale wanu momwe unalili pachiyambi? Ndipo kodi zimenezo n’zotheka? Kodi mukuwona malo oti muyanjanitsenso? Kapena mukulola kuti kutengeka mtima kwanu kukuwonongeni?

"Kufufuza mozama kumeneku kudzakuthandizani kuona bwino ngati ili ndi lingaliro labwino kapena ayi." Kungakhale mapiritsi owawa kumeza, koma kuvomereza kwabwino kumakumasulani," akutero Shazia.

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Kodi Ndi Bwino Kuyambiranso Ubwenzi?

Kuyambitsanso chikondi cham'mbuyomu kungakhale chisankho chovuta komanso chokhudza mtima. Kaya mwapatukana kwakanthawi kochepa kapena kwanthawi yayitali, funso loti kaya ndi bwino kuyambanso chibwenzi liyenera kuliganizira mozama. Nazi zochitika zisanu zomwe zingakhale bwino kuganizira zoyambira pachibwenzi:

1. Kukula pamodzi ndi kudzitukumula

Onse awiri adapatula nthawi kuti agwire ntchito pakukula kwawo, kuthana ndi zovuta zomwe zidayambitsa kutha, ndipo asintha kwambiri miyoyo yawo. Tsopano akumva okhwima m'malingaliro, odzidalira, ndi okonzeka kudziperekanso paubwenzi. Popanda izo, tanthauzo loyera mu maubwenzi silingakhale bwino.

2. Kupatukana kwakanthawi chifukwa cha mikhalidwe ya moyo

Kutha kwa chibwenzi kunachitika chifukwa cha zinthu zina monga mavuto a ubale wakutali kapena mavuto okhudzana ndi ntchito. Ngati zinthuzo zasintha, ndipo onse awiri akukondanabe, zingakhale zomveka kupatsa chibwenzicho mwayi wina.

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3. Anayambitsanso ubwenzi

Pambuyo pa kutha kwa banjali, banjali linakhalabe mabwenzi ndipo linakhalabe ndi chiyanjano chabwino, cha platonic. M'kupita kwa nthawi, azindikira kuti akadali okondana kwambiri ndipo angafune kufufuzanso chibwenzi.

4. Kusamvana kunathetsa

Kupatukana kumeneku kunabwera chifukwa cha kusamvana, kusalankhulana bwino, kapena mikangano yaying'ono yomwe yathetsedwa kapena tsopano ikhoza kuthetsedwa bwino kudzera mukulankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima.

5. Mikhalidwe yosinthika

Kusintha kwakukulu m'moyo kwapanga malo a ubale m'moyo wa onse awiri. Mwachitsanzo, okonda kukoleji omwe adapita kosiyana adalumikizananso zaka zingapo pambuyo pake pomwe onse ali osalumikizana komanso okhudzidwa. Angafune kupatsanso chibwenzicho mwayi wina ngati maganizo awo sanasinthe.

Pazochitika zonsezi, chofunika kwambiri ndichakuti onse awiri asinthadi ndipo ali okonzeka kuchita zonse zomwe angathe kuti ubale wawo ukhale wabwino komanso wokhutiritsa. Kuyambiranso m'mikhalidwe yotereyi kungayambitse mgwirizano wamphamvu komanso wolimba pakati pa anthu omwe akukhudzidwa.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zinthu 5 Zomwe Zimapangitsa Ubale Kugwira Ntchito | Zofunikira Zoyambira

Momwe Mungayambitsire Ubale - Malangizo 11 Othandiza

Ndiye mumayamba bwanji chibwenzi? Muubwenzi watsopano munthu yemweyo, mungafune kubwereranso kumasiku akale, kugawana chimodzimodzi mulingo wa chitonthozo, ubwenzi, ndi kudzipereka. Komabe, kuchita ndendende komwe mwasiyira sikungakhale kotheka kapena kwathanzi. Ngati tinthu tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tating'ono tidzakuthandizani:

1. Kulemekezana n'kofunika kwambiri

Inde, mungaganize kuti mumalemekezana pamene zinthu zikuyenda bwino, koma kusalemekezana kwinakwake kuyenera kuti kunayamba chifukwa cha ndewu zoopsa. Zinthu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mulemuke muubwenzi zimayenda mozama kuposa momwe mumalankhulirana, komanso momwe mumaganizirana za wina ndi mnzake. Dziwani izi musanaganize zoyambanso.

“Landirani mmene mulili, osafuna kusintha munthu wina.” Lemekezani umunthu wa mnzanu, mikhalidwe yake, mikhalidwe yake, ndi zizoloŵezi zake.

2. Pezani chomwe chinayambitsa mavutowo poyamba 

Yakwana nthawi yoti muvale zipewa zanu zofufuzira ndikufika pansi pazomwe ubalewo udasokonekera ndikuwotcha nthawi yoyamba. Ngati mukuchiza mwendo wothyoka pomanga mkono wanu, ming'aluyo imakhalabe yosachiritsika. Simungadziwe zomwe muyenera kukonza pokhapokha mutadziwa chifukwa chake awirinu mumangokhalira kukangana komanso kukhala ndi mavuto. Kuthera nthawi pa izi ndikofunikira.

Ngati mukuyesera kudziwa momwe mungayambirenso pachibwenzi mukakhala limodzi kapena mwakhala pamodzi kwa nthawi yayitali, chinthu chabwino kwambiri chomwe mungachite ndikupeza nthawi yofufuza vutoli. Mwina mukufuna kuganiza zoyambitsa chibwenzi ngati mabwenzi kaye.

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3. Mukayamba chibwenzi, lolani kuti zinthu zitheretu 

Ngati mukudabwa kuti, “Kodi kuyambiranso chibwenzi kumatanthauza chiyani?”, iyi ndi nkhani yaikulu. Kudziwa chifukwa chake panali mavuto m'paradaiso kudzakuthandizaninso ndi kukhululukirana. Inde, kukhululukira mnzanu wonyenga kapena mnzanu amene wakupwetekani si chinthu chophweka padziko lapansi. Koma mvetsetsani kuti kubwerezabwereza sikuthandiza aliyense. Kukumbukira kusiya zakale ndikofunikira kaya mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungayambirenso chibwenzi mutachita chinyengo kapena kutha kwa chibwenzi.

Shazia anati: “Iwalani zimene zinachitika m’mbuyo, ndipo iwalani, zisiyeni.” Mukamaganizira kwambiri za m’mbuyo, m’pamenenso mumathera nthawi yamtengo wapatali kukambirana zinthu zimene simuyenera kukambirana. Ayi, simuyeneranso kutsekereza malingaliro anu. Ngati chinachake chikukudetsani nkhawa, muyenera kuganizira chifukwa chake zili choncho. Dzifunseni chifukwa chake mikangano ndi zolakwika zakale zimabweretsedwa mu ubale wanu "watsopano".

• Kodi zikusonyeza kuti simukukhulupirirana nthawi zonse?
• Kodi mukuvutika kuphunzira momwe mungayambitsirenso chibwenzi pambuyo pa chinyengo?

Ngati ndi choncho, tsopano mukudziwa zimene muyenera kuyesetsa kuchita muubwenzi wanu watsopano ndi munthu yemweyo. Kupatula apo, nonse mwagwirizana kuti mupatsane mwayi winanso ndipo izi zikuthandizani kuphunzira momwe mungayambirenso ubale womwe ungakhalepo nthawi yayitali. Chithandizo cha maanja chingathandize kwambiri pa izi.

4. Malo opumira pang'ono adzakuchitirani zabwino zambiri nonse

"Ngati mukuyesera kuyambiranso ubale wanu ndi munthu amene wasweka, muyenera kukhala oganiza bwino. Mukuyamba ulendo watsopano, choncho ndi bwino kupatsana nthawi ndi malo. Kaya mukuyesera kuzolowera zinthu zatsopano kapena mukungofuna nthawi yopuma, malo anu angakuthandizeni," akutero Shazia.

Kupatula nthawi ndi chinthu chofunikira ngati mukuganizira momwe mungayambirenso chibwenzi mukakhala limodzi. Tulukani pamalo owomberako pang'ono, ndipo khalani nokha kwa sabata imodzi kapena ziwiri. Mukakhala mumkhalidwe wabwino, simungamulumphe mnzanu chifukwa chosiya chonyowacho pabedi. Ichi ndi chinthu chimodzi chomwe chingakuthandizireni kuchiritsa kulumikizana kwanu pamene mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungayambirenso paubwenzi.

5. Mukayamba chibwenzi, chifundo ndi ndalama yanu

Ngati mwauzana zinthu zingapo zomwe mumalakalaka mukadapanda kutero, nthawi zonse pali mpata woti muwongolere. Zing'onozing'ono zazing'ono za zabwino sizingatanthauze zambiri pakadali pano, koma zikamawonjezera, mudzakhala okondwa kukhala ndi anzanu. Sikuti zonse zimatengera momwe mungakhalire ndi mnzanu, komabe.

Shazia akufotokoza momwe kudzichitira chifundo kungakhale chinthu chofunikira kwambiri chomwe mungachite pamene mukuyesera kuyambanso ubale wanu wosweka . "Khalani okoma mtima komanso achifundo kwa inu nokha, kwa wina ndi mnzake, komanso kwa wina ndi mnzake. Munthu amene sasangalala komanso wokhutira ndi iye mwini sangasangalatse ena. Pokhapokha mutadzisamalira nokha, simudzakhala mu mkhalidwe woti mukhale okoma mtima kwa omwe akuzungulirani."

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6. Sinthani mphamvu zamphamvu

Kaya tikudziwa kapena ayi, nthawi zambiri timakhala ndi maudindo apadera mu ubale wathu. Wina atha kukhala ngati wozunzidwayo, ndipo winayo atha kukhala wosuma mlandu. Makamaka muzochitika zomwe munthu nthawi zonse amadziona kuti ndi wosavomerezeka komanso wonyozedwa, pangakhale mphamvu zowononga kwambiri zomwe zikuchitika. Ndizosadabwitsa kuti anthu awiri omwe ali pafupi motere agwera munjira zomwezo mosazindikira.

Mukayesa kupeza momwe mungayambirenso muubwenzi, mfundo monga kachitatu ka ubale zingakuthandizeni kudziwa yemwe mosadziwa akuchita gawo liti mu mphamvu zanu. Ngati yanu sikuwoneka ngati mgwirizano wa anthu ofanana, kuyambitsanso ubale kumakhala kovuta nthawi zonse.

Mwina njira yabwino yothanirana ndi izi ingakhale kulankhulana bwino ndi okondedwa anu. Mukhozanso kufunafuna chithandizo kuchokera kwa katswiri kapena katswiri wa ubale kuti mudziwe momwe mungasinthire machitidwe akale ndikusintha ndi athanzi.

7. Khazikitsani malire atsopano 

"Kuyambira nthawi yomwe mwasankha kuyambitsanso zinthu, onetsetsani kuti mwapanga malire abwino ozungulira inuyo komanso ubale wanu. Malire ndi ofunikira kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino mtsogolo," akutero Shazia.

Malire akhoza kukhala ophweka monga kulemekeza malo aumwini ndi kukuthandizani kukwaniritsa ndi kusunga umunthu wanu. Makamaka ngati mukuyamba chibwenzi ngati abwenzi ndi cholinga chotsitsimutsanso chibwenzi, kukhazikitsa malire omveka bwino komanso zoyembekeza zomveka bwino kuchokera paulendo zidzatsimikizira kuti nonse muli pa tsamba limodzi. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zabwino zoyambira pomwe komanso zikuthandizani kuti muzitha kulumikizana bwino.

8. Chifundo chidzakhala kusiyana

Ngati mukuyambanso ndi wakale wanu ndipo mwakhumudwa kale, mwina simukuganiziranso zomwe ex wanu wadutsamo. Koma mutangoyesa kuona mbali inayo kwa kanthaŵi, malingaliro atsopano angadzionetsere okha kwa inu.

“Mvetsetsani malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake, ndipo njira yokhayo yochitira zimenezo ndi kukhala ndi chifundo muubwenzi wanu . Mvetsetsani momwe mnzanuyo alili, lemekezani maganizo ake, ndipo khalani ndi kulankhulana momveka bwino komanso momasuka,” akutero Shazia. Izi ndizofunikira kwambiri pakupeza njira yomangiranso ubale muubwenzi.

9. Lumphani ndi mapazi onse awiri

"Ngati tsopano muli pachibwenzi chatsopano mtundu womwewo wa munthu, ndi chizindikiro chakuti mumakhulupirira kuti pali chinachake choyenera kuchita muubwenzi umenewu. Ndichizindikiro chakuti mukufuna kukhala pamodzi. Onetsetsani kuti mumaika patsogolo. M'malo mokhala ndi zoyembekezera zambiri kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wanu, ganizirani za gawo lanu ndi udindo wanu. Ganizirani zabwino zomwe mungapereke, osati zomwe mungapeze," akutero Shazia.

Zochita zanu zisonyeze kuti mwadzipereka kuchita khama muubwenzi wanu . Mnzanu akamaona kuti mwadzipereka kuchita bwino muubwenzi wanu, nawonso adzamva kuti ali otetezeka. Ichi ndi chinthu chomwe chimasowa mosavuta koma chothandiza kwambiri pophunzira momwe mungayambirenso ndi munthu amene mumamukonda. Nthawi yabwino ingathandize kwambiri.

10. Yesetsani kulankhulana mogwira mtima

Kulankhulana momveka bwino komanso momasuka ndiye maziko a ubale uliwonse wopambana koma makamaka mukaphunzira momwe mungayambirenso ndi munthu amene mumamukonda. Mukayambanso, ndikofunikira kukhazikitsa malo otetezeka komanso opanda kuweruza kuti onse awiri afotokoze zakukhosi kwawo ndi nkhawa zawo.

Kumvetsera mwachidwi n’kofunikanso; zimathandiza kumvetsetsa zosowa ndi malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake. Kuphatikiza apo, ganizirani kupatula nthawi yodzipatulira kuti muyang'ane pafupipafupi kuti mukambirane momwe ubalewo ukupitira patsogolo komanso ngati kusintha kapena kusintha kulikonse pakufunika. Izi ndizofunikira pakuganizira momwe mungamangirirenso mgwirizano mu ubale.

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11. Landirani kusintha ndi kusinthasintha

Kuti muyambitsenso bwino ubale, ndikofunikira kuvomereza kuti kusintha ndi gawo la kukula ndi chisinthiko. Landirani lingaliro lakuti ubalewu ukhoza kusinthika kukhala wosiyana ndi momwe unalili kale. Khalani osinthika komanso omasuka ku zochitika zatsopano, zovuta, ndi mwayi.

Vomerezani kuti monga aliyense payekhapayekha, inu ndi mnzanu mutha kusintha pakapita nthawi, ndipo izi ndizabwinobwino. Kusinthasintha komanso kukhala wofunitsitsa kuzolowera kungathandize kuti ubale wanu womwe mwatsopanowo ukhale wolimba komanso wolimba.

Kaya mukuyambanso ndi mnzanu kapena mwangoganiza zongocheza ndi munthu wina, malangizo omwe takupatsirani lero adzakuthandizani. Zingakhale zovuta pachiyambi pamene mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungayambire ndi slate yoyera mu chiyanjano. Koma cholinga ndi njira yoyenera idzakukhazikitsani panjira yoyenera ndipo pochita zinthu, zinthu ziyenera kukuyenderani bwino. Perekani chithunzithunzi chanu chabwino kwambiri ndipo yesetsani kupanga mapangidwe atsopano ndi kukumbukira. Ngati sizikuyendabe, musadandaule. Osachepera munayesa ndipo ndichofunika.

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