Kodi munthu amafunika kukhala ndi mwayi kuti apeze chikondi? Zingawoneke choncho, chifukwa cha chiwerengero cha anthu, omwe, pambuyo pa zochitika zingapo zoipa ndi chikondi, amaponya manja awo ndikuyamba kusiya chikondi. Akhoza kudzilungamitsa, kupeza zodzilungamitsa ndiyeno n’kuyamba kukayikira chilichonse chokhudza nkhani zapamtima…
Kunena zoona, iwo ndi amene akulakalaka kukhala m’chikondi. Kusiya chikondi kungawonekere kukhala koyenera kwa munthu yemwe mwina sanapezebe chikondicho koma sizikutanthauza kuti chikondi ndi chinyengo ndipo osankhidwa ochepa okha ndi omwe angachipeze m'moyo.
Aliyense - kuyambira wowona mpaka wachikondi - amafunikira munthu kuti amve kuti ali ndi mphamvu, kugawana naye chisangalalo ndi chisoni, komanso kukhala bwenzi lake paulendo wamoyo. Choncho musakhale pansi pa chinyengo chakuti simuli 'mwayi' mokwanira kukhala m'chikondi.
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M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
M’dziko lamakono limene tikukhalamo, chikondi chikhoza kubwera mosiyanasiyana ndi kukula kwake. Chifukwa chakuti sichifika mu phukusi kapena mtundu womwe mukufuna, sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kutseka zitseko zake. Mwinamwake mwazunguliridwa kale ndi chikondi, koma simukuyang'ana pamalo oyenera? Kapena mwina simunaphunzire kuwerenga zizindikiro za mnzako wa moyo mukubwera njira yanu!
Zitha kukhalanso kuti mukudikirira kuti zamatsenga zichitike koma m'malo mwake muyenera kudziyika nokha ndikupangitsa kuti matsenga achitike nokha. Palibe zaka, nthawi kapena mkhalidwe wa chikondi. Chimadza kwa amene akuchikhulupirira. Kaya mukusiya kukondana pa zaka 40 zakubadwa kapena mukumva kukhumudwa pambuyo pa chisudzulo kapena mwangosweka mtima ndi mnzanu wa pa benchi kusukulu, palibe chimodzi mwa zifukwa izi chomwe chili chabwino kukhulupirira kuti simudzachipezanso.
Monga momwe amanenera kuti, 'matsenga amachitikira omwe amawakhulupirira', chikondi chimafika kwa omwe amakhulupirira matsenga ake. Nazi zifukwa zina zomwe simuyenera kulingalira kusiya chikondi.
1. Kodi muli ndi miyezo yapamwamba kwambiri?
Tsoka ilo, makanema ndi chikhalidwe cha pop zasokoneza zomwe tikuyembekezera pachikondi. Wokongola kwambiri, wokongola kwambiri, wolemera kwambiri, wophunzira kwambiri, woseketsa kwambiri… kodi mndandanda wazinthu zamaboti anu olota umatenga nthawi yayitali? Mwinamwake muyenera kukhala pang'ono zowona za maubwenzi. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mumatsitsa miyezo yanu kapena kulolerana koma mukafuna kusiya chikondi, fufuzani ngati mukupereka kufunikira kwambiri kwa zachiphamaso.
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Si chikondi chimene muyenera kusiya, koma zoyembekezera zanu zosatheka ziyenera kupita. Komanso, ndi nthawi yoti muyambe kudziwonera nokha anthu m'malo mowapenda ndi mndandanda womwe mwapanga m'maganizo mwanu. Choseketsa chokhudza chikondi ndichakuti chimapezeka m'malo osayembekezereka!
2. Chokani pamalo anu otonthoza
Lamulo loyamba loyitanira chikondi m'moyo wanu ndikutsegula. Ngati mukufuna kuswa dongosolo, chitani zinthu mosiyana. Chokani malo anu chitonthozo ndi kufunafuna ubwenzi kumene inu simunakhalepo. Yesani pulogalamu ya zibwenzi kapena kujowina gulu la anthu osakwatiwa.
Ngati nthawi zonse mumakhala pachibwenzi ndi amuna kapena akazi achikulire, yesani kuyenda ndi munthu wamng'ono. Mukafuna kusiya chikondi, m'malo mwake dziuzeni kuti mwina ndi nthawi yoti musinthe pang'ono. Osamangoganizira za zomwe mumakonda ndi zomwe simukonda; dzipatseni mwayi. Mutha kudabwa ndi zomwe mwapeza.
3. Simungakhale osangalala ayi
Kukhumudwa komanso kukhumudwa ndi maubwenzi nthawi zonse ndi zizindikiro kuti mwasiya kukondana. Zingakhale chifukwa zomwe zidakumana nazo m'mbuyomu kapena zoyembekeza zanu zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe koma mwina muyenera kusintha malingaliro anu pa chinthu chonsecho.
Kodi kukhala m'chikondi kapena kutsekereza mwayi wokhala pachibwenzi sikunakupangitseni kukhala osangalala? Kodi mukutseka chitseko pa munthu wabwino chifukwa cha mantha? M'malo mwa malingaliro olakwika, bwanji osagwira ntchito kuchokera kuzinthu zabwino m'malo mwake? Osataya mtima pa chikondi kapena kudzikonda mwachangu.
4. Zaka sizikugwirizana nazo
Chikondi chikhoza kuchitika nthawi iliyonse - pa 20, 30, 40, 50 kapena mtsogolo! Maonekedwe ndi ziyembekezo zitha kusinthika koma chifukwa chakuti anthu omwe akuzungulirani adakumana ndi mabwenzi awo azaka za m'ma 20 kapena 30 sizitanthauza kusiya chikondi ali ndi zaka 40 kapena pambuyo pake m'moyo. Inu mukhoza basi kupeza chikondi pa 40.
Nthawi zina, kukhwima, komwe kumadza chifukwa cha zaka komanso zochitika zambirimbiri, kungakubweretsereni maubwenzi abwino kwambiri omwe mungawakonde kwa moyo wanu wonse. Chifukwa chake musayikepo nambala pafupi ndi chikondi. Ndi msinkhu wokha umene uli nambala osati maganizo. Chifukwa chake nthawi ina mukaganiza zosiya chikondi pazaka 30, 40 kapena usinkhu wina uliwonse - dzikumbutseni kuti chikondi ndi chosatha ndipo zaka zanu zilibe zambiri.
5. Khalani oleza mtima
Ulendo waubwenzi sumakhala wosalala. Padzakhala zopinga, zopinga, ndewu ndi kusamvana. Kuganiza kuti sichoncho kungakhale kupusa. Nthawi zambiri ndewu imodzi yayikulu imatha kupangitsa anthu kuganiza zosiyiratu chikondi. Osalumpha mfuti mwachangu kwambiri. Kukulitsa kudekha muubwenzi ndiko mfungulo.
Ubale uliwonse, munthu aliyense ndi banja lirilonse akuyenera kukhala ndi mwayi wachiwiri ndipo chifukwa chakuti mwakhumudwitsidwa kapena mwakhala ndi mikangano yochepa si zifukwa zosiya munthu amene mumamukonda. Mwathandizira ndikukulitsa ubale; perekani mwayi wochulukirapo. Mukafuna kusiya chikondi, dziuzeni kuti muyenera kuyesetsa pang'ono. Ndizochepa zomwe muli nazo ngongole.
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6. Simudzikonda nokha
Chitsogozo choyamba chopezera chikondi mwa ena ndicho kupeza chikondi mkati. Dzikondeni nokha mpaka imfa poyamba, enawo abwere pambuyo pake. Ngati simutero yesetsani kudzikonda, simungayembekeze kuti ena amakukondani. Palibe chifukwa chosiya chikondi pomwe sukhulupirira ndikuchita ngati kuti ndiwe woyenera.
Mukakhala odzikayikira komanso odzikayikira, zimakhudza mbali zonse za moyo wanu kuphatikizapo maubwenzi anu. Ngakhale mutapeza chikondi, mungochithamangitsa chifukwa cha kusatetezeka kwanu komanso zolepheretsa. M’malo mongodzimvera chisoni, fufuzani zifukwa zopewera chikondi. Tikhulupirireni, mudzapeza zambiri.
7. Mukusowa chinthu chodabwitsa
Chabwino, mwina ena mwa maubwenzi anu sanayende bwino ndikukupangitsani kukhulupirira kuti chikondi sichinapangidwe kwa inu. Palibe chomwe chingakhale choposa chowonadi. M'malo mongoyang'ana zomwe zidalakwika, nanga bwanji kukumbukira momwe mumamvera m'masiku a halcyon aubwenzi?
Izi ndi zomwe chikondi chimanena ndipo ngati mwatsoka munalepheretsedwa ndi munthu m'modzi, musadzipangire nokha kapena ena. Mumaphunzira kuchokera ku ubale wolephera. Koma si ubale uliwonse umene uyenera kukhala wotero. Mwa kusiya chikondi mopanda chifukwa chifukwa cha zolephera zakale, mukuloleranso kulandidwa mphatso zonse zomwe chikondi chimabweretsa. Osataya mtima pa chikondi chifukwa sichinayende bwino. Chifukwa mukhozadi kukhala bwino ndi osangalala tsopano!
8. Zimakupangitsani kukhala munthu wabwino
Kodi tifunika ngakhale kulongosola zambiri pa izi? Mukapeza chikondi chenicheni, munthu woyenera kumukonda, chimatulutsa zabwino mwa inu. Zilibe kanthu kuti zitenga nthawi yayitali bwanji, samalani zomwe zingakukhudzeni. Chikondi chimalemeretsa, chimakuwunikirani ndikukusinthani modabwitsa.
Zabwino ndi ubale wolimba komanso zimakulimbikitsani kukhala pachiwopsezo ndipo zili bwino kukhala choncho. Timapeza anthu ambiri akusiya chikondi chifukwa safuna kuwulula zofooka zawo. Koma simukuzindikira zomwe mukuphonya pazogulitsa.
9. Simukuchita mokwanira kuti izi zitheke
Nthawi zina, chikondi chimafuna ntchito. Kwenikweni maubale ambiri amamangidwa chifukwa cha milu ya ntchito zomwe zimapita mwa iwo. Kodi munayamba mwamvapo kufuna kusiya chikondi cha moyo wanu chifukwa cha zinthu zakunja monga kunena, kutsutsidwa ndi banja kapena ndalama kapena kusiyana maganizo? Mwina mukukana chisangalalo chifukwa simukufuna kuyikapo kapena kuchisamalira.
Chikondi, makamaka chikondi chenicheni, ndichofunika kupulumutsa ndipo chidzakutengerani mphamvu. Muyenera kuthana ndi zopinga ngati mukuwona kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndiye woyenera. Zitha kuwoneka ngati zovuta poyamba ndipo mutha kukhala ndi nkhawa kuti zitha kukhalapo koma muyenera kuyesetsa kuti zitheke. Kusataya mtima pa chikondi kumayamba pamene mwakonzeka kumenyera nkhondo.
10. Mukuchita khama kwambiri
Inde, izi zikhoza kumveka zosiyana ndi zomwe zili pamwambazi. Nthawi zina, mukamayesetsa kwambiri pa chinthu chimodzi, mumatha kuluza. Ili ndilo lamulo lachidule la 'law of attraction' kuntchito. N’kwachibadwa kufuna kukondedwa koma pali kusiyana pakati pa kulakalaka chibwenzi ndi kukhala wotengeka nazo.
Kufunitsitsa kwanu kuti zinthu ziziyenda bwino kungakhale kopanda nzeru chifukwa mutha kuchita zinthu zopanda pake zomwe zitha kuthamangitsa okonda. Muyenera kupeza malo abwino apakati kuti ubale wanu ukhale wolimba mukafuna kusiya chikondi.
M’malo mwake, pumani ndi kuyesetsa nokha. Iwalani kulira kwa chikondi; kusiya chosowa chovuta, chifukwa ndipamene zimachitika zokha.
11. Mutha kukhala muubwenzi wolamulira
‘Chikondi chimapweteka’ kaŵirikaŵiri ndiwo dandaulo limene munthu amamva kwa awo amene amaganiza zosiya chikondi. Koma nthawi zambiri chikondi chimazimiririka m'miyoyo yathu chifukwa timayesa kuwongolera anzathu ndi kukhala control freaks kapena chifukwa chakuti timatanganidwa kwambiri ndi mmene zinthu ziyenera kukhalira.
Kodi munayesapo kulola chikondi kuyenda mwachibadwa? Ubale womwe ndiwe wodalirika kwambiri ndipo osayesa kupanga theka lanu kuti ligwirizane ndi zikhulupiriro zanu ndi moyo wanu? Yesani ndi kufunafuna ubale wotero womwe ndi weniweni komanso wosadzitukumula. Simudzasiya chikondi ndiye.
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12. Phunzirani kuvomereza kupanda ungwiro
Ndizodabwitsa koma anthu ambiri sayembekezera china koma ungwiro kuchokera kwa anzawo. Tili ndi lingaliro loyenera la momwe chikondi chiyenera kukhalira ndi china chilichonse choperewera chomwe chimatikhumudwitsa. Ife tonse tikudziwa kuti ungwiro ndi zosatheka kupeza mwa munthu mmodzi.
Tonse ndife opanda ungwiro. Mukakhala pachibwenzi, lembani makhalidwe amene mumawakonda kwambiri. Zidzakuthandizani kupeza munthu woyenera. Landirani makhalidwe abwino kwambiri a iwo. Ngati ali ndi zabwino zambiri kuposa zoyipa, mupeza zifukwa zambiri zoti musataye mtima pa munthu amene mumamukonda.
13. Phunzirani kudikira
Zinthu zabwino zimachitikira anthu amene akuyembekezera. Kumbukirani kuti mukuyenera kuchita zabwino m'moyo komanso zomwe zikuphatikizapo maubwenzi. Ngati mukufunadi chikondi chenicheni, musataye mtima mpaka mutapeza 'yemweyo'. Munthu wangwiro adzakhala amene angathe kugawana zolinga za moyo ndi inu, amene amakupangitsani kukhala omasuka ndi amene amakuthandizani.
Nthawi zambiri, timangopeza zochepa kuposa zomwe tikufuna kapena zomwe timafunikira ndipo pamapeto pake timakhumudwa. Ndi kuzungulira kosatha.
Ndiye m’malo mochita chibwenzi ndi anthu olakwika, bwanji osadikira munthu woyenerera ngakhale kupsompsona achule angapo m’njira? Osataya mtima, mukuyenera zambiri kuposa 'kukhazikika'.
14. Chikondi ndi chabwino ku ubongo ndi malingaliro anu
Musaganize zosiya chikondi chifukwa chikondi ndi chosowa osati kungofuna. Zatsimikiziridwa mobwerezabwereza kuti chikondi chopanda malire chimapangitsa anthu kukhala osangalala kwambiri kuposa omwe sanapezebe chikondi. Zoonadi, kukhala wosakwatiwa ndi mkhalidwe wosangalala wamalingaliro nawonso koma chikondi chimapangitsa ubongo wanu kugwira ntchito mosiyana. Kukhala m'chikondi kumatulutsa ma neurotransmitters omwe amakupangitsani kukhala osangalala.
Chofunika koposa, zimakuthandizani kukhala ndi moyo wabwino momwe zosowa zanu zamalingaliro ndi zakuthupi zimasamaliridwa. Pambuyo pake, zimakhudzanso kupsinjika kwanu komanso nkhawa zanu. Ubwino wamaganizidwe okhala m'chikondi ndiwochuluka kotero kuyesetsa kulikonse komwe mungapange kuti mupeze wokwatirana naye ndikoyenera..
15. Nkhani yanu ingasinthe mozizwitsa
Mwina munachita chibwenzi ndi amuna kapena akazi olakwika. Mwina pali zizindikiro zokwanira kuti mwataya chikondi. Koma mukuganiza chiyani? Zomwe zimafunika ndi chitsanzo chimodzi kuti mubwezeretse chikhulupiriro chanu mu chikondi. Mnyamata womaliza amene munali naye pachibwenzi mwina anali wopusa kapena akazi omalizira amene munapita nawo limodzi angakhale akuchititsani chisoni.
Koma ndani akudziwa, tsiku lanu lotsatira lingakhale labwino kwambiri. Ndi bwino kukhala tcheru makamaka ngati munakumana ndi zoipa koma pamafunika munthu mmodzi yekha kuti asinthe kaonedwe kanu ndikuba mtima wanu. Chifukwa chake musataye mtima pa chikondi chifukwa mwakhazikika m'nkhani yakale.
Umu ndi momwe chikondi chimagwirira ntchito - mwachilengedwe komanso mwachisawawa - kutembenuza chilichonse chomwe mumakhulupirira.
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16. Ubale uliwonse umakuphunzitsani chinachake
'Palibe zolakwa m'moyo, maphunziro okha'. Khalani ndi maganizo amenewa ndipo simudzafuna kusiyanso chikondi. Ubale uliwonse - makamaka womwe sukuyenda bwino - umakuphunzitsani china chatsopano. Sichingakhale chilichonse chophwanya dziko lapansi koma chidzakupangani kukhala a bwenzi labwino kapena bwenzi mtsogolo.
Chifukwa chokhacho ndi chokwanira kukupangitsani kukhulupiriranso chikondi. Nthawi zina, amakupatsirani phunziro lopweteka koma munkafunika kukumana ndi zowawazo kuti mupezenso chimwemwe. Mukakhala pachibwenzi, yesetsani kuphunzira za munthuyo ndi moyo wake m’malo mongoganizira za zotsatirapo zake.
17. Chikondi si kopita
Cholakwika chachikulu chomwe anthu amapanga paulendo wachikondi ndikugawira zotsatira zake. Munthu wapadera akalowa m'moyo mwanu, mabelu aukwati amatha kukhala akulira m'mutu mwanu. Mosazindikira, ndiye kuti mumayesetsa kuyesetsa kukwaniritsa cholinga chimenecho m'malo mongoyang'ana zomwe zikuchitika komanso kulimbitsa ubale wanu.
Mwinamwake ukwati sungakhale kopita kwaubwenzi wakutiwakuti, mwinamwake ulendowo ungakhale mbali yosangalatsa kwambiri ya icho. Chifukwa chake, siyani zotulukapo zake ndikuyang'ana 'tsopano' kuti musangalale ndi chikondi.
Ngati mupatsa mphamvu yoyenera ndikuchita zinthu zoyenera panopa, tsogolo lanu lidzachitika momwe mukufunira.
18. Moyo ndi woposa ntchito kapena ndalama
Ambiri aife lero timanyadira kupereka zonse zathu ku ntchito zathu. Kukhala ndi ntchito yabwino komanso moyo wantchito ndikofunikira ndipo kumakupatsani chisangalalo koma pali zambiri kumoyo kuposa ntchito ndi ndalama.
Moyo wopanda chikondi ukhoza kukhala wosungulumwa kwambiri ndi kukhumudwitsa. Nanga bwanji kupeza miphika yandalama kapena kukhala pamwamba pa ntchito yanu ngati mulibe wogawana naye? Chifukwa chake ngati mukuwona kuti mwasiya chikondi, muyenera kuchitapo kanthu kuti mubwezere.
Chikondi ndi chomwe chimapangitsa moyo wanu kukhala wangwiro ndipo njira imodzi yomwe mungakhalire nazo zonse ndi kusataya mtima pa chikondi kapena lingaliro lake.
Kukhulupirira chikondi kumatanthauza kukhulupirira moyo weniweniwo. Munthu woyenera adzabwera ngati sanabwere. Ganizirani za inu nokha ndi kukula kwanu ndi lingaliro lachikondi lomwe likuyenda motsatira.
Perekani mwayi, kulitsa lingaliro ndikuwona likukula mosiyanasiyana. Pakuti chikondi, kaya mukukhulupirira kapena ayi, ndi chimene chimapangitsa dziko kuzungulira!
Ibibazo
Ayi. Simuyenera kusiya chikondi ngakhale mutha kusiya malingaliro ena ngati mwakhazikika nawo. Pamene njira yomwe mumafunira chikondi sinatulutse zotulukapo, mwina zikutanthauza kuti muyenera kuswa dongosolo, osataya mtima pa lingaliro la chikondi.
Kusiya chikondi kumatanthauza kusataya nthawi kapena mphamvu iliyonse kufunafuna chikondi kapena kupanga ubale wabwino. Simukhulupirira kuti mudzalandira zomwe mudzabwere mukakhala pachibwenzi, motero mumapewa kupanga ubale wapamtima ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi.
Chikondi chimakhala kwamuyaya ndiye ngati mumakondadi munthu, simungasiye kukhala naye paubwenzi ngakhale amatha kusintha mawonekedwe. Chikondi chimatha kusinthika ndi kutenga mawonekedwe osiyanasiyana. Ndizovuta pitirizani pamene mumakonda kwambiri. Kukopeka kungalowe m'malo mwa ulemu ndi kusirira.
Mukakhumudwa chifukwa cha chibwenzi, mukalephera kupeza aliyense wokongola mokwanira kwa inu, pamene simukusonkhezereka kulowa m'chibwenzi kapena kusangalala ndi aliyense amene mumakumana naye, zikhoza kukhala zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti mwasiya chikondi.
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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
