Magawo Mu Ubale - Ndi Gawo Liti Lanu?

Kuimba mlandu pamakanema. Chifukwa chodyetsedwa nthawi zonse ndi mafilimu achikondi, mabuku, ndi mapulogalamu a pa TV, anthu ambiri amakhala ndi malingaliro opotoka a momwe magawo amagwirira ntchito. Mukuwona, njira yochokera ku gawo lina laubwenzi kupita ku ina imayenda bwino m'malingaliro ongopeka, ndipo moyo umawonetsedwa kukhalapo nthawi zambiri popanda zosokoneza. Ndipo ngakhale mavuto atabuka pakati pa maanja, ma rom-com amakhala ndi mathero osangalatsa - zibwenzi, maukwati, kusonkhana kwa mabanja - mumatchula, ali nazo. Tsoka ilo, zenizeni sizimatsatira zolemba zomwezo nthawi zonse.

Koma ngakhale kuti chibwenzi chilichonse chimasankha njira yakeyake, yomwe nthawi zina siingakhale yosalala monga momwe ilili kumayambiriro kwa chibwenzi, magawo ena ndi ofanana kwa okwatirana onse. Ndiye, kodi chibwenzi chiyenera kupita patsogolo bwanji? Nkhaniyi ikuwonetsa magawo omwe okwatirana ambiri amayendera komanso nthawi yomwe maanja ambiri amayendera, ndi chidziwitso cha akatswiri ochokera kwa dokotala wamisala komanso katswiri wa zamaganizo ku California, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wokhudza kulekana ndi kusudzulana, kusudzulana ndi chibwenzi, komanso nkhani zokhudzana ndi kuyanjana asanakwatirane. Pitirizani kuwerenga kuti mudziwe zambiri za magawo osiyanasiyana okukula kwa chibwenzi…

Magawo A Ubale Banja Lililonse Imadutsa

Magawo osiyanasiyana muubwenzi—kuchokera ku kukopeka kupita ku chikondi chaubwenzi—ndi osangalatsa. Koma pali mfundo imodzi yofunikira pa nkhani iliyonse yachikondi: kuti chikondi, mwachidziwikire, si kopita koma ulendo. Ndipo nthawi iliyonse yomwe mungakhale paulendo pano, padzakhala chopinga china kapena china choti muthane nacho. Ubwino wa moyo ndi chikondi ndikukumana ndi zovuta ndi manja otseguka, khulupirirani nokha, ndikupitirizabe kulimbana ndi zopinga ndi zochita zabwino.

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Mwachidule, magawo a ubale nthawi zambiri amakhala opanda mzere. Nthawi zambiri mukadutsa magawo onse, mutha kupezanso kuti mwabwereranso pagawo limodzi! Momwemonso, nthawi yomwe maanja amakhala pagawo linalake laubwenzi amasiyananso, kutengera momwe ubale wawo ulili. 

Ubale ndi waumwini ndipo palibe nthawi yofanana yoti ubwenzi ukhale wabwino . Komabe, zomwe zachitika komanso maphunziro zapangitsa akatswiri kukhulupirira kuti pali magawo ndi nthawi zofanana zomwe zimagwirizana nazo. Chifukwa chake, nayi mndandanda wathu wa magawo okukula kwa ubale, kuwona nthawi ya gawo lililonse, ndi malingaliro ena amomwe mungayendere gawo lililonse:

1. Kukopa

Iyi ndi nthawi yodziwika kwambiri pa nthawi zonse muubwenzi. Ndipotu, izi zikutanthauza kuyamba kwa nthawi yocheza ndipo ndi nthawi yofunika kwambiri pa nthawi ya chibwenzi chatsopano . Mukakumana ndi munthu, mtima wanu umadumphadumpha ndipo mukufuna kukumana nayenso. Apa ndi pamene munthu amachoka pa chikondi ndipo amakopeka ndi munthu wina chifukwa cha khalidwe lake lapadera. Pali chizolowezi chonyalanyaza kapena kunyalanyaza zofooka za munthu winayo ndikuwonetsa zabwino zake.

Dr. Batra akufotokoza kuti: “Chikoka ndicho chiyambi champhamvu, chonyezimira chimene chimapangitsa munthu kukopeka ndi mnzake atangoyamba kumene. Amaperekanso zitsanzo zingapo za kukopa kotere:

• Munthu wosadziŵa kuimba chida choimbira angakopeke ndi munthu woimba chifukwa chakuti amakonda kumvetsera nyimbo
• Wina akhoza kukopeka ndi mainjiniya chifukwa chinali maloto awo aubwana kukhala m'modzi ndipo mwanjira ina sangakhale m'modzi.

Nthawi yaubwenzi yokopa chidwi

Nthawi ya gawoli imasiyana malinga ndi munthu, monga momwe zilili ndi nthawi zina za ubale. Koma ogwiritsa ntchito ambiri a Reddit anena kuti adakumana ndi gawoli kuyambira miyezi 6 mpaka chaka, ngakhale kuti limaonedwa ngati limodzi mwa magawo oyambirira a ubale.

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Momwe mungayendere

Dr. Batra amatipatsanso malangizo a momwe tingapitirire mu gawoli, lomwe ndi limodzi mwa magawo osangalatsa kwambiri pakukula kwa ubale. Iye anati, "Nthawi zina kukopana kungasokonezedwe. N'zosavuta kukopeka ndi munthu wina koma n'kovuta kwambiri kuti ubale upitirire. Kukopana kokha sikuthandiza kuti ubale ukhale wolimba ."

Komabe, akuwona kuti kukopa ndikofunikira chifukwa kumatsegulira njira zotsalira zaubwenzi. Ananenanso kuti, "Kuti muyende bwino pagawoli, ndi bwino kukumbukira komanso kudziwa zomwe mukufuna komanso chifukwa chake mungafune."

2. Chisangalalo

Chotsatira pamndandanda wa magawo osiyanasiyana muubwenzi chimadziwika kuti euphoria, yomwe ndi gawo lachiwiri la ubale wachikondi. Funsani aliyense, ndipo muwapeza akuvomereza kuti kuthamanga kwa dopamine komwe kulumikizana kwatsopano m'moyo wanu kumabweretsa sikungafanane ndi wina aliyense. Ndi imodzi mwamagawo osangalatsa kwambiri a ubale watsopano ndipo imadziwikanso kuti gawo la honeymoon/siteji.

Ndipo izi zitha kuchitika mobwerezabwereza, mosasamala kanthu kuti mwakhala muubwenzi wotani. Dr. Lucy Brown ndi Dr. Helen Fisher aphunzira gawo ili la 'kugwa m'chikondi ' ndipo asanthula momwe ubongo wa anthu okondana umagwirira ntchito kwa zaka zambiri. Zikuoneka kuti, pagawoli, zabwino zimaposa zoipa.

Dr. Batra anafotokoza kuti: “Pamenepa ndiye nthawi yosangalatsa kwambiri paubwenzi wanu, ndipo m’pamene mumaona kuti mnzanuyo sangalakwitse chilichonse.” Nazi zitsanzo zingapo za momwe mungamve mu gawoli:

• “Ndani amasamala ngati nthawi zina akandilakwira?
• "Iye ndi wamwano, koma ayenera kupanikizika." 

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Chifukwa chake, gawo ili laukwati limadziwika ndi kutsimikizika kosalekeza kwa zomwe mnzanu akuchita komanso momwe akumvera ndi zifukwa zanu (nthawi zambiri zopanda nzeru). Ndipo izi ndichifukwa cha zomwe Brown akuti "kuyimitsidwa kwa malingaliro oyipa." Izi zimachitika chifukwa cha kuchepa kwa ntchito ya prefrontal cortex, zomwe zimakhudza kuweruza kwanu. Kuchulukirachulukira kwa ntchitoyi, m'pamenenso ubalewu umakhala ndi mwayi wokhalitsa.

Nthawi ya ubale wa euphoria

Dr. Batra akuti sitejiyi ikupitirira kwa miyezi isanu ndi umodzi mpaka zaka ziwiri. 

Momwe mungayendere

Dr. Batra anati: “Sikaŵirikaŵiri kuti mwamuna ndi mkaziyo amakhalabe panthaŵi yachisangalalo chonchi kapena amatsitsimutsanso chilakolako chawo choyambiriracho kwa zaka zambiri muubwenzi wawo.” Brown akutchula kuti izi zimakhudzana ndi munthu payekha kuposa ubale womwewo. Dr. Batra ananena kuti: “Musalole kuti kusangalatsidwa kusokoneze maganizo anu, ndipo musadzakhumudwe pambuyo pake.

3. Chikondi champhamvu (Eros)

Chimodzi mwa magawo olimbikitsa kwambiri muubwenzi ndi pamene okwatirana akukula chikondi champhamvu komanso chogonana, chomwe ndi gawo lachitatu la ubale. Dr. Batra akuti, "Gawo la chikondi champhamvu ili ndi lodziwika kwambiri pakati pa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya chikondi . Ndi zomwe anthu ambiri okondana amafuna kukhala nazo, zomwe zimaganiziridwa m'mafilimu, mabuku, ndakatulo, ndi masoka akale monga Romeo ndi Juliet wa Shakespeare . Chilakolako chokhala ndi munthu amene amakupangitsani kumva kuti mulibe mpweya kapena kukwiya ngati ayandikira kwa inu, mwakuthupi kapena m'maganizo, ndichofunika kwambiri pagawoli."

Gawo loyambirira ili lachikondi / maubwenzi okondana ndi awa:

• Kukhala nawo mwachangu
• Kusaleza mtima pamene awiriwa asiyana
• Kufunika ndi kufuna kukhala pafupi ndi munthu wapadera momwe ndingathere, zikhale kudzera mukukambirana kapena kukhudza
• Kutengeka mtima kwa wina ndi mzake

Dokotala Batra akuyerekeza izi ndi zomwe Bella adamva pamene akuyembekezera Edward mu buku lodziwika bwino la Stephenie Meyer lotchedwa Twilight . Pachifukwa ichi, katswiri wa zamaganizo Elaine Hatfield mwina adafotokoza chikondi champhamvu ngati chabwino kwambiri. Anati ndi "mkhalidwe wolakalaka kwambiri mgwirizano ndi wina".

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Nthawi yaubwenzi yachikondi chapamtima (eros)

Nthawi ya chibwenzi pa siteji iyi ikhoza kukhala kuyambira miyezi ingapo mpaka chaka chimodzi. Apanso, izi zidzasiyana kuchokera kwa munthu ndi munthu komanso kuchokera ku ubale kupita ku ubale.

Momwe mungayendere

Dr. Batra akutiuza momwe tingapitirire mu gawo ili lomwe limasonyeza kupita patsogolo kwakukulu kwa chibwenzi. Iye anati, "Eros ingatanthauzidwe ngati chikondi chakuthupi kapena chilakolako chogonana . Ena anganene kuti ndi chilakolako choposa chikondi. Chingakhale choledzeretsa komanso chokopa. Komabe, ngakhale malingaliro awa atakhala osangalatsa bwanji, pakhozanso kukhala zovuta za malingaliro amphamvu otere."

Mwachitsanzo, mu mndandanda wa Harry Potter , Ron Weasley anasonyeza kusakondwera kwake ndi Victor Krum mwamphamvu kwambiri pamene adatuluka ndi Hermione, zomwe zinamupweteka Hermione panthawiyo. Dr. Batra akuti, "Panthawiyi, ndikofunikira kuphunzira kulamulira malingaliro anu amitundu yonse kwa aliyense. Kuchuluka kwa chilichonse kungakhale poizoni. Chifukwa chake, muyenera kuyang'ana pa inu nokha ndi anthu ena m'moyo wanu kupatulapo munthu amene angakulowetseni m'maganizo ndi mumtima mwanu."

4. Kudzipereka

Kotero, mwina mwayamba kukondana nthawi yoyamba! Pambuyo poti nthawi ya ukwati itatha ndipo chikondi chachigololo chatha, zolakwika zomwe zili mwa mnzanu zimakhala zovuta kuzinyalanyaza ndipo nthawi zambiri mumakhala okhumudwa komanso okwiya. Dr. Batra akuti, "Izi zingapangitse kuti pakhale kusakhazikika kwa maganizo ndikukupangitsani kukayikira ubale wanu wonse. Mungadabwe ngati amakukondanidi."

Maubwenzi onse amakumana ndi mavuto. Mwachitsanzo, ubale wa Ross ndi Rachel mu Friends , womwe unadutsa m'mavuto ndi zabwino zake. Koma chomwe chimapangitsa kusiyana pakati pa zodzoladzola ndi kutha kwa ubale ndi chisankho chokhala muubwenzi wodzipereka ngakhale kuti pali mavuto a nthawi zonse muubwenzi. Ichi ndi chisankho chogwirizana chomangirira pa kudalirana ndi ulemu. Apa ndi pamene 'ine ndi iye' timasanduka 'ife'. Ndipo iyi ndi imodzi mwa magawo ofunikira kwambiri a psychology yaubwenzi.

Chigwirizano cha nthawi ya kudzipereka

Kafukufuku akunena kuti nthawi yowerengera nthawi ya mavuto yomwe pamapeto pake imabweretsa kudzipereka ikhoza kukhala kuyambira zaka zisanu mpaka zisanu ndi ziwiri.

Momwe mungayendere

Dr. Batra akulangizani kuti mufunse mafunso awa musanachite kapena kufika pa gawo lofunika kwambiri la kupititsa patsogolo ubale:

• Kodi mudzatha kuvomereza izi (makhalidwe oipa) za iwo? 
• Kodi inu ndi mnzanu mudzatha kudutsa mumkhalidwe wovuta?
• Kodi mudzatha kulandira kusintha, ngati kuli kofunikira, kuti mukhale ndi mnzanu? 

Komabe, iye akuwonjezera kuti, "Ngakhale mungafune kulowa muubwenzi wodzipereka , simuyenera kusiya zofuna zanu ndi zisankho zanu chifukwa cha anzanu kuti chibwenzi chanu chipitirire. M'malo mwake, muyenera kuphunzira kuvomereza ndi kupanga zisankho zanu pamodzi ngati gulu ndikusamalirana." Ubalewu tsopano ukuyenda bwino chifukwa cha zomwe mwakumana nazo. Koma nthawi yomweyo, simuyeneranso kusiya zolinga zanu kapena kunyalanyaza banja lanu kapena okondedwa anu.

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5. Chikondi chogwirizana

Gawo lomaliza muubwenzi, chikondi cha mnzawo, limapezeka pamene anthu awiri, ngakhale atataya chilakolako muubwenzi wawo, akupitiriza kusonyezana chikondi ndikusunga kudzipereka kwawo kwa wina ndi mnzake patatha zaka zingapo akukhala limodzi. Chifukwa chake, tsopano, cholinga chachikulu chimakhala pa kulumikizana kwamalingaliro osati kukondana mwakuthupi. Okwatirana amaganizira kwambiri za moyo wamba watsiku ndi tsiku kuposa madeti ndi maluwa.

Dr. Batra amakhulupirira kuti, “Chikondi chamtunduwu ndicho ‘cholinga chachikulu’ cha mabanja ambiri. Ichi ndi chiwonetsero cha maloto a ‘kukalamba limodzi’ omwe anthu ambiri amafuna pamene akuyamba kuganizira za ubale weniweni ndi okondedwa awo. Izi zimadziwika kwambiri ndi ubwenzi wapamtima ndi kumvetsetsana, pamodzi ndi kukhala mogwirizana ndi kukhalapo kwawo. Iyi ndi nthawi yomwe simungathenso kuganiza za moyo popanda iwo.”

Mwachitsanzo, ngakhale Marie ndi Frank mu sewero lodziwika bwino la sitcom lakuti Everybody Loves Raymond nthawi zina amaoneka ngati sangapirirane, amakhala okondwa kwambiri kukhala limodzi ndikusekana.

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Chidziwitso cha nthawi ya mgwirizano wa chikondi

Chikondi chaubwenzi chomwe chimasonyeza kukondana kwakukulu kuposa kungokonda zinthu zopanda pake komanso zakuthupi, ndipo chimachokera pa kumvetsetsana, chingatenge zaka zambiri kuti chikwaniritsidwe ndipo ndi chimodzi mwa magawo ofunikira kwambiri pakukula kwa ubale. Mwachitsanzo, kafukufuku wina amati nthawi yocheza iyi imatha kukhala zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri kapena kupitirira apo, ngakhale kuti banja lililonse likupita patsogolo kufika pagawoli pa liwiro lake.

Momwe mungayendere

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwamagawo ofunikira kwambiri pama psychology a ubale ndipo mutha kukwaniritsidwa mukangodzipereka paubwenzi ndikupitirizabe kuchita nawo ngakhale mutakumana ndi zopinga. Dr. Batra anawonjezera kuti: “Ngati mukuona kuti chikondi chanu sichimayendera limodzi, musataye mtima, aliyense amafika pa nthawi imeneyi pa nthawi yake.

Infographic Pamagawo A Ubale 

Magawo a ubale sangakhale nthawi zonse kukhala mzere kapena nthawi. Maanja atha kudutsa magawo omwe amabwereranso kumayendedwe akale, malinga ndi momwe alili. Infographic iyi ikuthandizani kuzindikira momwe magawowo amalumikizirana. Mutha kuzindikiranso gawo lomwe mulili pano:

Mafunso Ofunsidwa Kawirikawiri

Maganizo Final

Ndiye, kodi ubale uyenera kupita patsogolo bwanji? Ndipo kodi magawowa amaonetsetsa kuti ubale ukhale wopambana? Chabwino, sipangakhale magawo okhazikitsidwa a ubale, koma kafukufuku watsimikizira kuti maubwenzi onse amadutsa mu magawo ofanana. Ngakhale kuti gawo loyamba ndi la kutengeka maganizo komwe kumatsogolera ku kukopeka, ubwenziwo umafika pazigawo zotsalira: chisangalalo, chikondi champhamvu, kudzipereka, ndi chikondi chogwirizana. Anthu okwatirana amene atsimikiza mtima kukhala odzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake amadutsa m’zigawo zonsezi, ndipo amalimbitsa ubwenzi wawo.

Tikukhulupirira kuti nkhaniyi yakuthandizani kuzindikira magawo onse muubwenzi ndipo tsopano mukudziwa momwe mungayendere molimba mtima. Ndikukhulupirira kuti tsopano mukudziwa za nthawi ya ubale. Komabe, ndi bwino kudziŵa kuti maubwenzi amafunikira ntchito zambiri. Pakhoza kukhala kulimbana ndi mphamvu, kufunikira kwa kulankhulana momasuka, kuyendetsa bwino mikangano, ndi khama lalikulu polimbana ndi zinthu zakunja. Ngakhale zili choncho, chofunika ndi momwe anthu okwatirana alili odzipereka kwa wina ndi mzake ndikusunga ubale. 

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