Mbali Yamdima Ya Ubale Wapamtima

Kodi munayamba mwadzifunsapo kuti nchiyani chimapangitsa anthu awiri okondana kuti azisiyana? Kodi zimatheka bwanji kuti abwenzi omwe poyamba ankakondana wina ndi mzake, kulonjezana mwezi, ndikuwona chilichonse chokhudza ubale wawo ndi lens ya rose-tinted, kufika poti sangagwirizane? Kapena amangokhalira kuchita mphwayi kotero kuti amanyalanyaza zopweteka, zokhumudwitsa, ndi kulira kwa wina ndi mnzake? Nkhani iyi ya kusintha kwa maubwenzi imayankha mafunso ambiri awa.

Mzere Wopyapyala Pakati pa Chikondi ndi Kukwiyitsidwa

"Ndinakonda kwambiri khalidwe lake lodziletsa, mukudziwa. Sanataye mtima. Ndikanatha kupha," Akanksha anakumbukira za masiku omwe anali pachibwenzi pa botolo la Barolo. “Ndikhoza kuchedwa kwa ola limodzi kuti tipeze zibwenzi, kukwiya ndi zinthu zopusa, ndi kumupangitsa kuti adumphe zochitika zofunika za pabanja chifukwa chakuti 'ndinali wosangalala.' Ngakhale m’mapwando athu oledzeretsa, iye ndiye anali kuperekeza aliyense kunyumba bwinobwino.

Ngakhale atsikana a m’gulu lathu anali ndi mwayi wopita ku mapwando ngati Rakesh analankhula ndi makolo awo—umu ndi mmene analili munthu wabwino,” iye anatero monyadira, “ndipo ndinali chinthu chofunika kwambiri kwa iye, chimene chinandipangitsa kudzimva ngati mwana wamkazi wa mfumu. Anthu anali abwino kwa ine kungokhala m'mabuku ake abwino! Kalelo, khalidwe limeneli linali losangalatsa kwambiri. Koma tsopano, ndikhoza kumumenya kumaso chifukwa cha khalidwe lodziletsa. Zimandichititsa mantha, ndikukuuzani! " Iye anameza vinyo wotsalayo mumkwiyo umodzi wokwiya.

Kusiyanitsa umunthu

Ndadziwa Akanksha ndi Rakesh pafupifupi zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri tsopano. Ndinathandizira kukonzekera chikondwerero chawo chachikulu cha zaka 15 miyezi ingapo kumbuyo. Kwa ine, awiriwa ndi osiyana monga pani-puri ndi pasitala. Iye amachita zinthu mopupuluma ndiponso wamphepo, pamene iye ali ndi kuleza mtima kwa njovu. Iye ali ndi lingaliro pa chirichonse, chimene iye samachokako; Ndiwosavuta kumva ngati Zakudyazi za Maggi, kudzipereka mosavuta pokhapokha ngati zikukhudza ntchito kapena banja. Amamwa kuti aledzere; samapitirira galasi lachiwiri. Ngakhale atha kudziyika m'mawu a Mehdi Hassan ndikutaya nthawi, Rakesh samatha kusiya nthawi ndipo amangoyang'ana zomwe akatswiriwa amamva akamayimba.

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Kusintha kaonedwe

Ndikhoza kupitiriza kunena za kusiyana kwa banjali, koma kodi si zoona kwa ambiri a ife? Chomwe chimandisangalatsa pa banjali la choko ndi tchizi ndi kusintha kwathunthu kwa zomwe munthu amaona kuti ndi zabwino poyamba paubwenzi poyerekeza ndi zaka zingapo kapena makumi angapo pambuyo pake. Zimene Akanksha sakanatha kusiya kumutamanda za iye panthawiyo zakhala zomwe sangathe kuzipirira za iye tsopano. Chomwe chimapangitsa izi kukhala zoonekera bwino ndi momwe zilili zoona kwa ambiri a ife!

Kuyambira kukopa mpaka kukhumudwitsa

"Ndiye, ndi chiyani chomwe chimakuvutitsani kukhala njonda?" Ndinafunsa, kuyesera kuti ndimvetsetse momwe zimakhalira kuchokera ku 'kukopa' mpaka 'kodetsa nkhawa'. "Iye ndi wokonda kwambiri! Ndikutanthauza, sakwiya! Amangovomereza chilichonse, palibe kusinthanitsa kwapamwamba kwambiri! Ndipo pamene sakufuna kuvomereza, amangochita zomwe waganiza, komabe popanda mikangano kapena mpikisano, mukudziwa. Muyenera kumupatsa mtsikana wanu gawo lake labwino la sewero, simungavomereze?" Adandifunsa.

Kumazizira kwambiri ngati mukudziwa zomwe ndikutanthauza?" Kukwiyitsidwa kwake kudakula pomwe kuchuluka kwa vinyo mu Barolo yathu kudatsikira. Koma kunena chilungamo kwa Akanksha, ndinawona mfundo yake. Rakesh ndiye munthu wabwino yemwe tonse timamudziwa; palibe amene adamuwonapo ngakhale atakwera, kuyiwala kutayika, ngakhale kamodzi.

Kukhumudwa

Nditamudziwa bwino Akanksha kwa zaka zambiri, ndidadziwa kuti 'cholakwika' chinayambitsidwa ndi vinyo, ndipo sanatanthauze funsoli. Koma inde, ndidawonanso gwero la kukhumudwa kwake ndipo ndidapeza kuti ndi zenizeni, kaya zomveka kapena ayi zitha kukanidwa.

Takulandirani ku mbali yamdima ya ubale wapafupi! Makhalidwe omwe amatikopa poyamba amakhala okwiyitsa pakapita nthawi. 'Wokongola komanso woseketsa' amasanduka 'wopusa komanso wopusa,' 'wosalakwa komanso woyera' amakhala 'wosazindikira komanso wosagwira ntchito,' 'wamphamvu' amakhala 'wolamulira' ... mndandandawo ndi wopanda malire. Jane Goldberg, m'buku lake, The Dark Side of Love , akuti,

Ndikhoza kugwirizana ndi izi mu chiyanjano changa. Chimene ndinachipeza kukhala chosangalatsa mwa mwamuna wanga—kulimba mtima kwake—chakhala chizoloŵezi chosautsa cha ‘kusaona zinthu mopambanitsa’; ntchito yanga yambiri, ndikudziwa, yasanduka 'kodi simungakhalepo pakali pano?' kwa iye. Diso lake “laluso” limene ndinaonetsera mopanda manyazi kwa anzanga onse, lasanduka ululu waufumu chifukwa ndimathera maola ambiri ndikuchita zinthu zomwe ndikanachita m’mphindi zochepa chabe. Kusasunthika kwanga, komwe ndinkadziwa kale kuti kumamusangalatsa, tsopano 'kwachibadwidwe' ndipo kumamupangitsa kudzifunsa ngati ndimamukonda!

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Ubwino ndi zoyipa

Mwamvetsa bwino, sichoncho? Taganizirani, kodi makhalidwe athu abwino ndi oipa samachokera pamalo amodzi? Mphamvu zathu zazikulu zimatha kusanduka kufooka kwathu kwakukulu. Mwina mphamvu zathu ndi zofooka zathu. Mwina sizikanakhalapo popanda mimba yawo yobisika. Tiyenera kukumbukira—chomwe chimatisangalatsa poyamba, m'kupita kwa nthawi, chidzatipangitsa kuti tisamachite bwino. Tikakopeka ndi khalidwe limodzi, monga Akanksha yemwe ankakonda khalidwe la Rakesh lakuti 'nthawi zonse amalamulira', m'kupita kwa nthawi, tidzaphonya zosiyana ndi zimenezo, mwina 'kusiya' kapena 'kupulukira.'

Mphamvu za maubwenzi

Onjezani kutsika kwabwinobwino, kusakhutira, ndi kuzunzidwa (kwa zofooka ) zomwe ubale umadutsamo pakapita nthawi pamene ziyembekezo zikukwera ndipo ulemu ukuchepa chifukwa cha zinthu zina zambiri. Onjezani mwambi wakuti “kudziwika bwino kumabweretsa kunyoza.” Komanso, onjezani kuti m'maso mwathu, zolakwa za okondedwa athu nthawi zambiri zimakokomeza chifukwa 'tawauza kangapo, koma sanagwire ntchito pa zimenezo.'

Ndipo mofanana ndi mnzanga wa kuno, timadzifunsa kuti, ‘Kodi tinalakwa bwanji kuona munthu wina? pamene katundu weniweni wa zinthu ndi kuti sitinachite nawo mbali iyi yeniyeni, yamdima ya maubwenzi apamtima. Ganizilani izi...

Mavuto Omwe Amakumana Nawo Paubwenzi Wapamtima:

• Nsanje: Ikhoza kuyambitsa mikangano ndi kusakhulupirirana.
• Kudalira: Zimayambitsa kusalinganika komwe wina amadzimva kuti watopa.
• Kupewa Mikangano: Zimabweretsa kutengeka maganizo ndi mavuto osathetsedwa.

Maganizo Final

Maubwenzi apamtima nthawi zambiri amakhala magwero a chisangalalo, chithandizo, ndi kulumikizana, koma amathanso kuwulula zofooka, kusalingana kwa mphamvu, ndi zovuta zobisika. Kuzindikira ndi kuthana ndi mbali yakuda ya maubwenzi apamtima—monga kunyengerera, kudalira, kapena mikangano—kungathandize kukulitsa machitidwe abwino ndikuwonetsetsa kuti mulemekezana komanso kukhala bwino. Akatswiri athu odziwa bwino ntchito ali pano kuti akuthandizeni. Kaya mukulimbana ndi mikangano, kuthana ndi mavuto am'maganizo, kapena mukufuna kulimbitsa ubale wanu, timapereka malo otetezeka komanso othandizira kuti akutsogolereni ku machitidwe abwino.

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