Mmene Amakuchitirani Ndi Mmene Amakuonerani—Kodi Ndi Zoona?

Nthawi ina ndinakumana ndi munthu wina yemwe anandipatsa zizindikiro zosakanikirana. Amatha kupanga mapulani koma andisiya mphindi yatha. Amandipezera zinthu, koma osati zomwe ndimakonda. Ndinkadabwa ngati ankandikonda kapena ayi. Mnzake wanzeru anaona khalidwe lake losasinthasintha ndipo anati, “Mmene amakuchitirani ndi mmene amakuonerani. (Zikomo, bwenzi!)

Inunso mwina munamuchenjezapo mnzanu za chibwenzi chapoizonicho chomwe sichimamuchitira bwino. Anthu amakuchitirani mmene amakuonerani. Ife tikudziwa zimenezo. Koma tikayang'anizana ndi kuthekera kwa kukanidwa, timayembekezera mopanda chiyembekezo ndipo timakhulupirira mosiyana.

Ndipamene umafunika bwenzi kuti akukumbutseni kuti ndinu woyenera kuchitiridwa chikondi. Kuti pamene wina akuchitirani bwino, mudzamva ngati mfumukazi. Kuti mutaya munthu amene akukupangitsani kukayikira chilichonse cha izi. Ndine bwenzi limenelo lero. Tiyeni tiyambe ndi kumvetsetsa za "momwe amakuchitirani ndi momwe amakuonerani" psychology.

Kodi "Momwe Amakuchitirani Ndi Momwe Amakumverani" Psychology?

Kodi mukukumbukira sewero lachikondi la 2009 lotchuka kwambiri la He's Just Not That Into You ? Filimuyi, kudzera m'nkhani zingapo, ikupereka uthenga womwewo womwe tikuyesera kukuuzani pano. Ngati sakukuika patsogolo, simuli patsogolo pake. Ngati akukuchitirani mwano, sakusamala za momwe mukumvera. Pali zizindikiro zokwanira zochenjeza kuti amakuchitirani ngati njira ina. Kwenikweni, ayi, sakusewera molimbika kuti akulowetseni; sakukondani kwambiri.

Maganizo akuti 'momwe amakuchitirani ndi momwe amakumverani' amatanthauza kuti mosasamala kanthu za zomwe akukuuzani, zochita zake zidzawonetsa zomwe zili mumtima mwake. N'zosatheka kunamiza malingaliro enieni a munthu. Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit uyu akuti, "Anthu sakuchitirani momwe mungafunire, amakuchitirani momwe amakumverani. Khalani akhungu ngati mukufuna." Chabwino, sindikananena bwino kuposa pamenepo.

Chinthu chinanso. Simuyenera kutengera khalidwe lake. Khalidwe lake limasonyeza kuti iye samadziona kuti ndi wofunika komanso wodzikayikira. Ngati munthu uyu akukuvutitsani ndikukuvutitsani, kampasi yake yamakhalidwe imasokonekera. Amaona kuti ndi bwino kuseŵera ndi maganizo a anthu. Kapena mwina chitsanzo ichi chimalankhula za thanzi lake lamalingaliro ndi malingaliro. Zikatero, mmenenso munthu wina amakuchitirani, zimasonyeza mmene amadzionera okha, ndipo sizili za inu kwenikweni.

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Ngati Wina Amakukondani Bwanji?

Kudziwa momwe chibwenzi chiyenera kukhalira ndi bwenzi lake si sayansi ya rocket. Ubale wabwino pakati pa anthu awiri uyenera kudziwika ndi zinthu zochepa. Mfundo zoyambira izi ndi:

• Chikondi: Izi sizimangokhudza kusonyeza chikondi, komanso kuyamikira munthu amene ali naye
• Ulemu: Ulemu ndi wapamwamba kuposa chikondi, kuwonetsetsa kuti zina zosakambitsirana muubwenzi zimasamalidwa. Pamene wina anena kuti, “Amandichitira mwachisawawa,” izi ndi zomwe zingakhale zolakwika
• Kudalira: Ngati mwamuna wanu amakukhulupirirani, adzakulolani kukhala. Sadzanyalanyaza zosankha zanu, kukayikira zolinga zanu kapena luso lanu, motero amakupangitsani kumva kuti mumalemekezedwa. Pamene wina anena kuti, “Amanditenga ngati kamwana,” kaŵirikaŵiri kudalira ndiko kumasoweka
• Kukoma mtima: Wokonda weniweni adzapeza zovuta kuti azikujambulani. Zowawa zanu zidzawavutitsa. Ubwino wanu udzakhala patsogolo pawo
• Kulankhulana moona mtima: A ubale wabwino zidzazindikirika ndi malingaliro onse a "kukhala pa tsamba limodzi" nthawi zambiri kusiyana ndi kusagwirizana
• Ubwenzi: M’chomangira chachikondi, anthu amaika patsogolo kuthera nthaŵi yabwino kukulitsa maubwenzi apamtima, kaya kukhala mabwenzi apamtima, kugwirizana m’maganizo, kugwirizana mwanzeru, kapena ubwenzi wapamtima wauzimu.

Izi ndi zipilala zochepa za ubale wabwino. M'malo mwake, malamulo achikondi chathanzi amagwiranso ntchito ngakhale maubwenzi a platonic. Ndiye, kodi wina amakuchitirani chiyani ngati amakukondani? Ndi ulemu, kukhulupirirana, ndi kukoma mtima. Tiyeni tiwone zizindikiro zingapo zomwe mwamuna amakulemekezani. Kuperewera kwa izi kungawerengedwe ngati zizindikiro zochenjeza kuti amakuchitirani zoipa.

Zizindikiro 15 Zomwe Amakuchitirani Momwe Mukufunira

Ndikuuzeni chinthu chomwe mukudziwa kale. Muyenera kuchitiridwa ulemu! Kodi amakupangitsani kumva ngati akukusamaliranidi, kapena kuti amayamikira makhalidwe anu? Kapena mwakhala mukumva kupweteka chifukwa chakuti wakhala akuwonetsa zizindikiro zonse zomwe amakuchitirani ngati njira ina ? Mumadzipeza mukudandaula nthawi zambiri kuti, “Amandichitira ngati mwana.” Kapena “Amandichitira mosasamala.”

Ndiloleni ndikutengereni mndandanda wa zizindikiro 15 zomwe amakuchitirani ngati mfumukazi, zomwe zimakuuzani kuti amayamikira kupezeka kwanu m'moyo wake.

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1. Amakupatsa chidwi

Mwamuna akakupatsani chidwi, zimakupangitsani kuti muwoneke. Iye adzakufufuzani. Adzakuwonerani paphwando lotanganidwa. Ngakhale ngati palibe nthawi yokhala pamodzi, amakupangitsani kumva mwa zochita zake zomwe sizidutsa mphindi imodzi pamene sakuganizirani.

Mofananamo, akamakambirana nanu, amakumvetserani mwatcheru , makamaka pogwiritsa ntchito thupi lake. Amawerenga pakati pa mawu, amavomereza zomwe munanena polankhula ndi manja. Mayankho ake amakupangitsani kumva kuti wavomerezadi zomwe munanena.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Munthu amene sakukuchitirani bwino sadzakupangitsani kumva ngati akukuonani, akukumvani, kapena akukumvetsani. Adzakuyang'anani mopitirira muyeso, adzakuiwalani pa maphwando, adzakana kuyang'ana pafoni yawo mukamalankhula, komanso sadzakumbukira kukuyang'anani akakhala otanganidwa kusangalala.

2. Amaona zosowa zanu

Nthaŵi ina Loweruka ndi Lamlungu ndinkafuna kuti ndimalize ntchito imene ndinali nayo kwa nthawi yaitali, pamene chibwenzi changa chinkafuna kupita ku kalabu. Ndinamuuza kuti kunali kofunika kwa ine kuchotsa ntchito zanga zonse. Yankho la chibwenzi changa, muzochitika izi, likhoza kukhala mbendera yofiira kapena yobiriwira.

Nanga mnzanga watani? Anandilimbikitsa kuti ndifufuze zinthu zomwe sindinkafuna. Anakhala nane m’nyumba, kupezerapo mpatawo kuti amalizitsenso zina mwa ntchito zake. Anapangitsanso kukhala panyumba kukhala kosangalatsa kwambiri, kundikumbutsa za madalitso amene ali m’tsogolo.

Amuna, ngati mukuwerenganso izi, tili ndi malangizo angapo amomwe mungachitire ndi mkazi yemwe mumamukonda. Onani malingaliro awa:

• Mubweretsereni okondedwa wanu kapu ya tiyi yotentha pamene sali bwino
• Siyani mawu okoma mukakhala otanganidwa
• Ikani patsogolo zofuna zake zakugonana, monga kugula chidole chomwe amakonda kapena kumupsopsona momwe amakondera
• Samalani pa zosowa zake zonse

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Munthu amene akukuwonongerani nthawi adzakhala wodzikonda pabedi, komanso panja. Nthawi iliyonse pamene zosowa zanu sizikugwirizana ndi zomwe akufuna, adzakulimbikitsani kuti muchite zinthu m'njira yake pogwiritsa ntchito njira zodzitetezera ku malingaliro, ndipo adzachita izi nthawi zonse.

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3. Amayesetsa kukhala nanu nthawi

… ndikukudziwani bwino. Inu mukudziwa momwe zochita zimalankhulira mokweza kuposa mawu. Mwamuna amene amakuonani kukhala wofunika amayesetsa kugwiritsa ntchito bwino nthawi imene amakhala ndi inu. Adzakutulutsani, ndikukonzekera chakudya chamadzulo ndi tchuthi. Ngati muli wotanganidwa, adzasunga zomwe mwalonjeza ndikukhazikitsanso, kapena kukupatsani mayankho ena.

Mnzanu adzatenga nthawi yabwino kuti akuthandizeni, kuti akulitse chikondi kuti musamangolumikizana mwakuthupi (poyamba kukhudza thupi), komanso m'maganizo ndi m'maganizo (pochita zokambirana zakuya komanso zopindulitsa).

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Munthu amene akukuchitirani zinthu mosasamala amangokhalira nanu nthawi yokhayo pamene alibe chochita china chilichonse. Sadzakupatsani nthawi pamene mukufunikira, nthawi zambiri amakulepheretsani popereka zifukwa. Chifukwa akufuna kukusungani pamavuto, anganamize kuti akupepeseni, koma adzabwereza zomwezo mwayi wina akangoupeza.

4. Amayesa kukhala gawo la moyo wanu

Mwamuna akakuchitirani ulemu ndi ulemu, amayesetsa kwambiri kuti akhale gawo la moyo wanu. Mwamuna angachite izi m'njira zambiri. Amuna, nazi malangizo amomwe mungakhalire chibwenzi chabwino kwa chibwenzi chanu :

• Muzisangalala ndi chisangalalo chake ndi kulira naye
• Sonyezani chidwi ndi buku lomwe akuwerenga kapena pulogalamu yomwe akuwonera
• Funsani zambiri za nthabwala zamkati zomwe ali nazo ndi anzanu akuntchito
• Yang'anirani maphwando omwe akukuitanirani komanso kulemekeza malire anu
• Khalani okondwa kukumana ndi anthu ake! (Izi ndizofunikira makamaka mu maubwenzi a abambo ndi amai, ngati mkazi ali 'wotchuka' kapena 'wopambana')

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Mwamuna akamakukonda kwambiri, safuna kukudziwani kapena kukudziwani zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe mumakonda. Safuna kuona moyo wanu wamkati. Amakhutira ndi kudziwa kachigawo kakang'ono ka umunthu wanu wonse komwe kakugwirizana ndi zosowa zake.

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5. Amalankhula zambiri za inu

Pamene mnzanu akufuna kuti anthu ozungulira iye akudziweni, ndi chizindikiro chabwino! Iye amanyadira kukhala nanu. Mwamuna akakuyang’anani mosirira, sangalephere kuuza ena. Adzakutchulani mobwerezabwereza pamaso pa anzake. Umu ndi mmene umadziwira kuti amakuganizirani ngakhale mulibe.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Mwamuna akakuchitirani zinthu mwapadera, salankhula za inu. Ena mwa anthu ake sadziwa za inu. Inde, akhoza kutenga nthawi yake kuti adziteteze. Koma mukudziwa nthawi yoyenera komanso yosakwanira. Ngati zikumveka zachilendo kuti sanakutchuleni kwa okondedwa ake, mwina akukusungirani chinsinsi.

6. Amaonetsetsa kuti akupatseni malo

Mwamuna akapatsa mkazi malo, amasonyeza kuti amalemekeza ufulu wake wodzilamulira. Izi zikutanthauzanso kuti amaona kuti malire ake ndi ofunika kwambiri ndipo amamukhulupirira. Mwamuna wotero amapeza mosavuta pamene bwenzi lake limamutengera yekha nthawi kuti adziganizire yekha. Amalemekeza kufunikira kwake kwa kukhala yekha kwa apo ndi apo ndipo amachirikiza zokhumba zake zaumwini ndi zokhumba zake.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Mwamuna akakuchitirani zinthu mopanda kukula, amayesa kukuyang'anirani moyo wanu kapena kukusungani pa chingwe. Mongoganizira za munthu woipa kapena wonyenga, amaonetsetsa kuti simukusangalala ndi nthawi yanu yopuma. Ngati akuganiza kuti palibe chifukwa choti mufunire nthawi ndi malo , sakuzindikira kuti ndinu munthu wofunika. Akukuchitirani zinthu mosasamala ndipo akukunyalanyazani.

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7. Amayesa kukusangalatsani

Mwamuna amene amakukondani amasamaladi zomwe mumaganiza za iye. Adzagawana nanu zokhumba zake ndi zipambano zake. Adzayesanso kukhala munthu wabwino kwa inu ndi kukunyadirani. Mwachitsanzo, angayese kukhululukira ena n’cholinga choti muzimuganizira kuti ndi wokoma mtima komanso wokoma mtima.

Nthawi zambiri timawona izi muzinthu zazing'ono za ubale wa abambo ndi amai. Akonza mpope wotsikirapo, kusungitsa malo odyera abwino, kapena kuwombera ma hoops. Adzaonetsetsa kuti akuyeretsa bwino pa tsiku la kumapeto kwa sabata. Ziribe kanthu kuti mwakhala limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali bwanji, akhoza kuchitabe zinthu zazing'ono monga kupeza malo ovuta kapena kupeza mipando yabwino, kuti athe kukusangalatsani.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Akayamba kukuonani ngati mnzanu wake mopepuka moti palibe chilakolako chofuna kukusangalatsani, zikutanthauza kuti chikondicho chatha. Ngati mwamuna wanu sayesa kukusangalatsani, zikutanthauza kuti sakusamala zomwe mumaganiza za iye. Chifukwa pankhaniyi, momwe amakuchitirani ndi momwe amakumverani.

8. Akufuna maganizo anu

Mwamuna amene amakulemekezani adzakufunsani malangizo pa zinthu zazikulu ndi zazing'ono. Adzakuphatikizani popanga zisankho zanthawi zonse. Adzakufunsani maganizo anu pa momwe zinthu zilili panopa, komanso zovuta za moyo zomwe akufunikira lingaliro lachiwiri.

"Kodi ndisiye ntchito yanga, kapena ndikumane ndi abwana anga?", "Ndimalankhula bwanji ndi bambo anga amphamvu za mutu za kugulitsa bizinesi yake?", Kapena "Ndikufuna kudziwa zambiri za Palestine". Sangokambirana nanu zimenezi, amamvetsera maganizo anu pa nkhani zimenezi.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Pofika pano, tikudziwa kuti mmene amakuchitirani ndi mmene amakumverani. Choncho ngati sakusamala zomwe mukuganiza, ndiye kuti — Sakusamala zomwe mukuganiza. Adzachita zofuna zake, ndipo akhoza kukana kapena kunyoza maganizo anu poyera.

9. Amaphunzira kukonda zinthu zofunika kwa inu

Zochita zimalankhula mokweza kuposa mawu. Mwamuna akamakondadi mkazi, amasonyeza kuti amakonda zinthu zimene zili zofunika kwa mkaziyo. Ngati mnzakeyo amakonda kupemphera kapena kuchita zachifundo, amayamba kuwona kufunika kwake. Ine sindikutanthauza kuti iye adzakhala wokhulupirira. Ndipotu, ayenera kukhala wokhoza kugwiritsa ntchito zikhulupiriro zake payekha. Koma angakonde kuphunzira za zinthu zimene poyamba sanali kuzilabadira.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Munthu amene salemekeza mnzake sadzasamala kuti asinthe pang'ono. Adzakhazikika pa zikhulupiriro zake. Ndi chenjezo lomveka bwino kuti sakuona kuti ndinu wofunika mokwanira kuti mutuluke m'malo omwe ali omasuka. Kusasangalala kwachibadwa kumeneku nthawi zambiri kumabweretsa kuphunzira ndi kulumikizana kwambiri, ngati wina alola.

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10. Amaona mayankho anu mozama

Amamvetsera malangizo anu ndikutsatira. Mumadziwa kuti amakuchitirani zomwe muyenera kuchita ngati atenga malingaliro anu mozama. Amaonanso zokhumudwitsa zanu ndipo amayesetsa kuti asabwereze khalidwe lake ngati walakwitsa. Kupatula apo, nthawi zonse amayesa kukhala chifukwa chakumwetulira kwanu.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Sakufunsani chilichonse, kapena ngati akufunsani, amangokugwiritsani ntchito ngati njira yodziwira. Sasamala za kuyang'anira ubwino wa ubale wanu , kapena ngati wakukhumudwitsani mwanjira ina iliyonse.

11. Amasamala za anthu omwe ndi ofunika kwa inu

Wokondedwa wanu adzayesa momwe angathere kuti azikonda banja lanu. Ngakhale ngati simukugwirizana nawo, amadziwa kuti banja lanu ndi lofunika kwa inu. Chotero iye adzayesetsa kupeza chiyanjo chawo ndi kukonza zinthu zikafunika. Adzayesetsa kudziwana ndi anzanu. Mudzamuona akuyesetsa kuti apambane aliyense amene ali wofunika kwa inu.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Akamakunyalanyazani monga momwe mukufunira, mudzamuona akuchita zinthu ngati chitsiru pamaso pa anzanu. Angakane kuwaona, chifukwa, ndani amene akufuna kuchita khama lonselo ndikukhala wosasangalala pang'ono ndi mtsikana!

12. Sachita manyazi kulolerana

Anthu awiri akakhala pamodzi, pamakhala nthawi zambiri pamene pamafunika mgwirizano. Kaya ndi kukonzekera tsiku loti mupite kukakumana, zomwe mungalamule, kukhala woyamba kupepesa pankhondo, onani kufunitsitsa kwa mnzanuyo kuvomereza mgwirizano. Zimasonyeza momwe akufunira kukondwera nanu kuposa kukhala wolondola. Khalidwe lachikondi komanso lachikondi limeneli limasonyeza momwe wina akumveradi winayo.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Munthu amene amadzikonda yekha kuposa wina aliyense nthawi zonse amafuna kukhala ndi mawu omaliza. Anthu oterewa amapambana mkangano koma, mwatsoka, samvetsa ubale wa amuna ndi akazi, ndipo sapambana pa chikondi.

13. Amaonekera

Iye adzasunga mawu ake ndipo adzaonekera kwa inu. Adzazindikira zosowa zanu ndikudzipereka moona mtima kukhala pambali panu. Adzakhalapo pamene mukumufuna. Osati zokhazo, adzasonyeza kuti amaona nthaŵi yanu mwa kuonetsetsa kuti sakudikirani. Ngati sangakwanitse, adzakudziwitsani. Iye sangakuimitseni inu.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Munthu amene akukuwonongerani nthawi sakuyamikira. Komanso sakuyamikira lonjezo lake. Ndipotu, mmene munthu amachitira nanu zinthu zimasonyeza mmene amamvera. Iye si munthu wolankhula, ndipo sasamala kuti zimenezi zimamuchititsa manyazi.

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14. Amapepesa moona mtima

Munthu wabwino amakuuzani zoona. Amapepesa akalakwa ndipo amadandaula moona mtima. Amakukhulupirirani kuti mutha kuthana ndi vuto lomwe lilipo. Mwamuna akamalankhulana momasuka, zimasonyeza kuti ali wofunitsitsa kuchita khama pa ubwenzi woona mtima.

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Mwamuna amene ali pachibwenzi choopsa amapewa kuvomereza zolakwa zake. Kudzikuza kwake kudzamulamulira. Uyu si munthu wa khalidwe labwino. Komanso, n’zoonekeratu kuti sakukufunani mokwanira kuti agwirizane ndi khalidwe lake lakuti “Ndili wolondola nthawi zonse”.

15. Amakuonetsa chikondi ngakhale m’zinthu zazing’ono

Pali zinthu zambiri zazing'ono zachifundo ndi ulemu zomwe mnzanuyo amakuchitirani zomwe sizingasungidwe pa mfundo zazikuluzikulu izi. Amaonetsetsa kuti akukulemekezani mbali zonse. Mwachitsanzo:

• Ali ndi nsana wanu pamene mukukangana ndi wina
• Amakupangitsani kumva ngati ndinu wofunika kwambiri padziko lapansi
• Amalemekeza zomwe mumasankha
• Sakufanizirani ndi akazi ena
• Amanena zabwino zonse mukangofuna bwenzi
• Amakuphimba ndi bulangeti ndikukukumbutsani kuti mukhale opanda madzi

Mosiyana ndi zimenezi: Munthu amene akukuwonongerani nthawi angakupatseni zifukwa zambiri zoti munene kuti, “Anandichitira ngati kuti sindili kanthu.” Munthu wopanda nzeru nthawi zonse amachitira mkazi wake zoipa. Kaya osamvera mawu ake, kumunyoza pagulu, kapena kusamusamalira bwino.

Kotero, ine ndikuyembekeza izo zinathandiza. Mmene chibwenzi chiyenera kukhalira ndi chibwenzi chake n’chosavuta. Iye ali mwa inu kapena ayi! Palibe chifukwa chokoka ubweya m'maso mwako. Komabe, musaiwale kuti: Ngakhale kuti anthu amakuchitirani mmene amakuonerani, khalidwe lawo loipa limasonyezanso mmene amadzionera. Ndi ntchito yanu kuwonetsetsa kuti palibe amene angakutengereni kukwera. Kumenekonso ndi mchitidwe wodzikonda.

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