Ndi chinthu chochititsa manyazi komanso chosokoneza kwambiri padziko lapansi ana akakumana ndi makolo awo akugonana mwangozi. Kodi inunso zinthu ngati zimenezi zachitikirani? Mukudabwa zomwe muyenera kuchita pambuyo podziimba mlandu nthawi yonseyi? Osadandaula, chifukwa tiwona mbali zonse za nkhaniyi ndikukupatsani lingaliro labwino la momwe mungathanirane nazo. Tiyeni tione kaye nkhaniyi.
Linali Lamlungu mmawa. Palibe aliyense wa ife amene anathamangira kuntchito ndipo tinkadziwa kuti ana agona m'chipinda chawo. Nthawi yabwino kuti mukhale osangalala! Kotero ife tinalowa pansi pa zovundikira ndi kuvala izo! Kumamanino aalufwutuko, ndakamukwela antoomwe amwanaangu wamyaka yotatwe akuswiilila mulyango, kubikkilizya ameso aasalala. Choipa kwambiri n’chakuti tinali otanganidwa kwambiri moti sindinadziwe n’komwe kuti anali m’chipindacho mpaka pamene ananena kuti “Amayi” ali chibwano.
Tinagubuduzana mwachangu, ndikukweza zophimba, ndipo ndidamuuza kuti apite kuchipinda chake ndikakhale komweko. Kuyambira pamenepo, ndapewa nkhani ngati mliri ndipo sindingathe kukumana naye. Kodi ndamuvulaza moyo wake wonse? Nditani? Nanga inu? Kodi vuto lanu linali lofanana ndi langa? Zachinyengo, eh? Ndiye kwa inu amene simunakumanepo nazo, kapena amene mukukumana nazo, tiyeni tiwone zomwe mungachite mukangoona ana anu mukugonana.
chochita ngati mwana wanu akugwira inu mukugonana
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mwina munaiwala kutseka chitseko kapena mwina mwanayo ankangofuna kutonthozedwa ndi inu. Ngakhale zitakhala bwanji, tsopano atakugwirani m’machitidwe, mumachita bwanji? Munaonapo zinthu ngati zimenezi zikuseweredwa m’mafilimu ndi m’nkhani, koma simunaganizepo kuti zingakuchitikireninso. Koma tsopano popeza mwana wanu wagwira makolo ake akugonana, palibe chifukwa choganizira ndi kudandaula.
Tinapempha katswiri wathu wa zamaganizo Prachi Vaish, yemwenso ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso woyambitsa nawo The Emotional Wellness Initiatives kuti akambirane zomwe zimachitika mwana akamapita kwa makolo omwe akugonana komanso momwe angathanirane ndi vutoli. Iye anati: “Pali njira zambiri zothanirana ndi vuto limeneli, ndipo mukamalimbana nalo modekha, m’pamenenso simungavutikepo kwa inuyo ndi mwanayo.
1. Osachita mantha
Nthawi yomwe mwanayo amalowa m'chipinda chanu ndikuwona makolo ake kugonana, musachite mantha. Ngakhale mungayesedwe kwambiri kuti mugubuduze ponseponse, mwina kugwada wina ndi mzake, ndikubisala nokha ... gwirani! Pumirani mwachangu, mwakuya ndikuchotsa mnzanuyo. Khalani kumbali yawo ngati kuti mukungogona pafupi ndi mzake ndipo nthawi zambiri mumakoka zophimba.
Panthawi yonseyi, pitirizani kunena mawu ngati awa kwa mwanayo, "Oh, hey sweetie, wadzuka bwanji! Sindinamve kuti mwalowa…Ine ndi abambo/mayi tinali cheza chapadera chachikondi." Mukamachita izi, mumadziletsa kuti musapereke chithunzi kwa mwana wanu kuti kugonana ndi chinthu chodetsa komanso chochititsa manyazi, ndipo chachiwiri, mumagwirizanitsa ndi chikondi, maganizo omwe mwanayo amamvetsa kale.
Kupyolera mu yankho losavutali, ngakhale mutawona ana anu akugonana, mumapewa kupangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwa gulu lililonse. Tengani nthawi yosonkhanitsa malingaliro anu ndikuyimba tsatanetsatane pang'ono. Mwana wanu mwina sadziwa kuti anagwira makolo awo akugonana kotero musalowe mu tangents kufotokoza chinachake chimene chingasokoneze zinthu zina.
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2. Osachita ndi mkwiyo
Osachitapo mkwiyo kapena kusavomereza pamene mwana wanu abwera kwa inu ndi mwamuna wanu. Mudzawapangitsa kudzimva kukhala olakwa komanso kuchita manyazi, malingaliro omwe simukufuna kuti mwana wanu azigwirizana ndi kugonana. Chifukwa ndikhulupirireni, ziribe kanthu momwe mwana wanu aliri wamng'ono, nthawi yoyamba yomwe akuwona zogonana, zidzakhala nawo. M'mawu a psychoanalytic, timachitcha "primal scene" ndi khalidwe la makolo ogonana zimakhudza mmene maganizo a mwanayo amapitira patsogolo.
Zochitika zonse zitha kuchitidwa mosavuta ngati mudakambirana ndi mwana wanu za 'mbalame ndi njuchi' komanso momwe makanda amapangidwira. Malingana ndi msinkhu wa mwanayo, afotokozereni zomwe zikuchitikazo m'njira yosalongosola kwambiri pamene mukufotokoza mfundo yake. Auzeni chifukwa chimene makolo amagonana ndi munthu wachibadwa ndipo ndi chikondi kwa wina ndi mzake.
3. Samalani ndi kuchotsedwa ntchito
Mwana akamayendera makolo akugonana, mwachiwonekere, amakhala ndi mantha kwambiri kuposa makolo awo. Ngati mungowachotsa, mudzawapangitsa kukhala ndi mantha kwambiri, zomwe simukufuna kwenikweni kwa mwana wanu. Ingokhalani odekha komanso odekha ndikuwonetsa kuti makolo kugonana si nkhani yayikulu ayi.
Pamene wanu mwana agwira makolo ake akuchita, ndipo mwawafotokozera kwakanthawi kochepa, mukufuna kuti mwanayo achoke m’chipindamo. Osamangonena kuti, “Pita kuchipinda chako, ndidzalankhula nawe nthawi ina”. Zimamveka ngati chilango ndipo zingapangitse mwana kukhala wovuta. Gwiritsani ntchito chowiringula chomveka mwachibadwa ndi chinachake chimene mwanayo amakuthandizani nacho, monga, "Hey, kodi mungapite kukawona ngati mkaka uli pano?
4. Yankhani mafunso awo nthawi zonse
Mwana wanu akamayendera makolo akugonana, ngati mwakwanitsa kuchita zinthu zomwe tazitchula pamwambapa, mwayi ndiwe simudzasowa kuthana ndi mafunso aliwonse osokonekera poyambira. Ngakhale zili choncho, ngati pali mafunso omwe akubwera, musawapewe. N'zomveka kuti mukhoza kukhala ndi nkhawa komanso manyazi, koma kumbukirani kuti pamene mukudziwa zomwe zikuchitika, mwana wanu sakudziwa komanso akudabwa.
Aloleni anene funso lonse popanda kumudula mawu kapena kumunyoza. Funsani mafunso ochulukirapo kuti mumveke bwino m'chilankhulo chosavuta ngati simukumvetsetsa zomwe akufunsa (simukufuna kupereka zambiri kuposa zofunikira!). Ngati mukuonabe kuti simungapeze mawu oyankha funso lawo, khalani woona mtima ndipo afunseni kwa nthawi yowonjezereka, kunena mawu onga akuti, “Ndikufuna kukupatsani yankho labwino kwambiri pa funsoli chifukwa ndi funso labwino.
Mwana akamacheza ndi makolo awo ali pachibwenzi, akhoza kukhala ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwa zomwe zikuchitika. Khalani omasuka ndikuyesera kuyankha mafunso awo onse m'njira yotetezeka kwambiri. Osapitilira kubweretsa mawu atsopano kapena mawu kwa iwo apo ayi mungopangitsa kuti zinthu zikhale zovuta kwa inu nokha.
Mwana akalowa kwa makolo panthawi yawo yachinsinsi, kumbukirani kuti nthawi zonse amasokonezeka komanso amachita manyazi kuposa inu. Ndipo ngati muchita manyazi, mutha kupanga ndendende zovuta zomwe mukuyesera kuzipewa. Chotero khalani bata, ndipo limbanani nayo molunjika.
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5. Pezani loko
Ngati izi ndi zomwe mukudandaula nazo ndipo sizinakuchitikireni, musadikire kuti zichitike. Pezani loko yotsekera pakhomo kuti musamaganizire zomwe mungachite mwana wanu akakupezani mukupanga chikondi. Kumbukirani kuti kupewa ndi njira yabwino yothetsera vuto lililonse ndipo zili choncho. Ana anu akayamba kuyenda okha, ndi bwino kuyika ndalama zotsekera chitseko ndikupewa zovuta zilizonse.
Kotero Izo Zinachitika, Tsopano Chiyani?
Mwana wanga wamng'ono wazaka ziwiri adalowa kuti tigone. Tikudziona kuti ndife opanda udindo komanso olakwa. Kodi mwana wathu ali ndi zipsera? Sanatifunse kalikonse za nkhaniyi, ndiye kodi tiyenera kuibweretsa ndi kukambirana?
Choyamba, simuli osasamala pakuchita zinthu zomwe zimakupangani kukhala okwatirana. Nonse ndinu okwatirana komanso makolo, ndipo muyenera kuchita zinthu kuti mulimbikitse maudindo onse awiri. Inu munali kuchita chinachake mwachibadwa. Ndikofunikira kuti kukhala ndi moyo wabwino wogonana pambuyo pokhala makolo komanso chifukwa cha ubwenzi wanu. Izi zinati, sichinali chinthu chachibadwa kuti mwana azichitira umboni, koma sizili ngati kuti sangadziwe za kugonana. Mwina munamudodometsa pang’ono ndipo mwina munamusokoneza kwambiri.
Komabe, ngati kusonyezana chikondi monga zibwenzi (kugwirana, kugwirana manja, kupsopsonana) kuli kwachibadwa m’banja mwanu ngakhale pamaso pa ana, mwana wanu wamng’ono sangadabwe nkomwe. Ngati sanakufunseni za nkhaniyi, musade nkhawa kwambiri ndi zomwe mungachite mwana wanu akakupezani mukupanga chikondi. Komabe, ngati mukufuna kukambirana, muyenera kuchita zinthu ziwiri musanazifotokoze:
1. Yang'anirani kusintha kulikonse m'makhalidwe ake pozungulira inu - kuchepa kwa kuyang'ana m'maso, kudana ndi kukumbatiridwa kapena kukhudza, kusafuna kupita kuchipinda komwe anakuwonani, kukulitsa chidwi chofuna kudziwa za thupi la zoseweretsa zake, ndi zina zotero. Ngati pali chilichonse kapena zizindikiro zonsezi, mukhoza kubweretsa mokoma mutu wa zokambirana tsiku lina. Muuzeni momwe makolo akugonana ndi chinthu chodabwitsa komanso momwe ndi njira imodzi yosonyezera chikondi chanu kwa wina ndi mzake.
2. Ngati zizindikiro zili pamwambazi palibe, muyenera kutero mofatsa yambani kukhazikitsa malire za kugogoda musanalowe kuchipinda chanu. Fotokozani lingaliro la 'nthawi yachinsinsi' pakati pa amayi ndi abambo, chifukwa amafunikiranso monga momwe amafunikira nthawi yosewera ndi anzake. Simukufuna kukhumudwa pa ana anu pamene mukugonana poyamba. Choncho bwino kupewa izo kuyambira pachiyambi.
Mwana wanga wazaka zisanu ndi chimodzi analoŵa kuti tigone. Tinamupukusa, kukuwa, ndi kumuopa. Kodi panopa tiyenera kuchita chiyani kuti tithetse vutolo? Tsopano popeza kuwonongeka kwachitika ndipo munawona ana anu akugonana ndipo anakuwonani, ndi bwino kuthana ndi vutoli molunjika. Pitani kwa mwana wanu ndikumuuza kuti mukuchita manyazi ndi momwe munachitira pamene adalowa, koma munadabwa ndipo simunadziwe momwe mungachitire. Kenako chepetsani mkhalidwewo mwa kumfunsa ngati amaona kuti zimene mukuchita n’zoseketsa. Seka pang'ono.
Kenako mufunseni molunjika ngati ali ndi mafunso okhudza zomwe zinachitikazo ndikuti muyankha zonse moona mtima. Izi ziyenera kukhala zokwanira kufalitsa zinthu. Yesani kuwona chinthu chonsecho kuchokera m'maso mwake ndipo kudzakhala kosavuta kuti muyang'ane momwe zinthu ziliri. Amufotokozereni kuti kuyenda ndi makolo ake sikunali vuto lake ndipo zimene anaonazo zinali zosafunika. Yang'anirani zomwe zikuchitika ndipo yesani kupangitsa zinthu kukhala zosavuta kwa nonse.
Penyani, ife tikumvetsa. Ana akuyenda pa makolo angakhale nthawi yowopsya kwa onse awiri. Palibe amene amayembekeza mphindi iyi komanso kusatsimikizika kwake kungakupangitseni kuchita mantha komanso kuda nkhawa. Koma kokha pamene mutenga zinthu pang’onopang’ono ndi modekha m’pamene mungathetse nkhani ya chochita ngati mwana wanu wakuwonani mukupanga chikondi. Osaupewa mutuwo. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, musamangokhalira kufotokoza mopambanitsa. Tsatirani malingaliro omwe ali pamwambawa ndipo mudzatha kuthana ndi vutoli mosavuta.
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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
Izi ndizochitika zomwe makolo achichepere ambiri amakumana nazo. Ndipo m’pofunikadi kudziwa mmene mungachitire nazo mwanzeru. Chifukwa , kaya makolo amazindikira kapena ayi chochitika choterocho chimakhala ndi chidwi chachikulu pa psyche ya mwanayo yomwe imapita kutali. Ndili ndi anzanga omwe adagawana nane, momwe ali mwana adawonera makolo awo akuchita limodzi zomwe zidawasiya m'manyazi komanso kudziimba mlandu kwa nthawi yayitali kwambiri ya moyo wawo. Nkhaniyi ndi yothandiza kwambiri. 🙂
Ndikufuna upangiri waukatswiri pazinthu zina
Ndikufuna upangiri waukatswiri pazinthu zina