Mbali yovuta kwambiri yaubwenzi ndiyo kutha, sichoncho? Koma mukudziwa chomwe chiri cholimba? Kudziwa momwe mungathetsere munthu amene amakukondani. Inde, zimachitika nthawi zonse, kwa amuna 'abwino' ndi akazi 'abwino' omwe amadzipereka ku kukhulupirika, mgwirizano ndi malingaliro ena apamwamba achikondi.
Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kukhala wamkulu. Mwina mudagawana nthawi zabwino kwambiri limodzi. Heck, mwina mwapanganso mapulani amtsogolo okhala limodzi mnyumba yokongola ya Manhattan. Koma kodi chimenecho ndi chitsimikizo cha chikondi chosatha? Ayi; Chikondi chingaperekenso chitsanzo china. Mwadzidzidzi mumazindikira kuti simukufunanso kukhala naye.
Zifukwa zimatha kusiyana kuchokera ku chikondi mpaka kufuna zinthu zosiyana ndi moyo kapena kuzindikira kuti ngakhale chikondi chonse pakati pa inu nonse muli paubwenzi wapoizoni. Ziribe kanthu chifukwa, pamene kuzindikira kuti ubwenzi si ntchito kugunda inu, inu muyenera kusankha kovuta kuthetsa ndi munthu amene amakukondani. Tikudziwa bwino momwe mumadziwira kuti palibe njira yosavuta yochitira.
Pofuna kuti ulendowu usakhale wotopetsa pang'ono kwa inu ndi munthu amene mukumulandira, tili pano ndi malangizo ena okhudza kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani pokambirana ndi mphunzitsi wa thanzi la maganizo ndi kusamala Pooja Priyamvada (wovomerezedwa mu Psychological and Mental Health First Aid kuchokera ku Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ndi University of Sydney), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa zibwenzi zakunja kwa ukwati, kutha kwa ukwati, kupatukana, chisoni ndi kutayika, kungotchulapo ochepa.
N'chifukwa Chiyani Muyenera Kusiya Munthu Amene Amakukondani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kodi kusudzulana ndi munthu amene amakukondani n’kulakwa? Palibe yankho lenileni la funsoli. Ngakhale tikufuna kuganiza kuti ubale ndi wosatha ndipo chikondi ndicho chokhacho chomwe chimafunika kuti anthu awiri akhale pamodzi, zoona zake n’zakuti nkhani zambiri zachikondi zimakhala ndi tsiku lotha ntchito. Tsopano, ngati banja likuvutika chifukwa cha zinthu zina - chinyengo muubwenzi wautali , munthu wina, mavuto azachuma ndi zina zotero - kusudzulana kungachitike mwachibadwa. Koma nthawi zambiri, mnzanu m’modzi amayamba kuona kutha kwa ubale wawo kale kwambiri kuposa winayo.
Izi zimafuna kuti musiyane ndi munthu amene amadziona kuti ndiwe yekha. Ndipo pamene wina wagwa m’chikondi pamene winayo akadali mosangalala mmenemo, mayendedwe ake amakhala ovuta kwambiri. Kodi mungasiyane bwanji ndi munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri? Kodi chimenecho si chinthu cholakwika kuchita? Chofunika koposa, mumatani ndi malingaliro anu otsutsana?
Popeza maubwenzi ndi ovuta kwambiri, pali zifukwa zambiri zomwe mnzanu wina angasiye chikondi pamene winayo akadali nawo. Kuti mumvetse momwe mungathetsere chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani, choyamba muyenera kupeza chifukwa chake. Mwina mmodzi wa inu wayamba kukondana ndi munthu wina. Mwina kusowa chochita kwayamba. Kapena mwina mukukhala ndi munthu amene mumamukonda koma simukumukonda; osachepera osakwanira kuti mufune kuti chikondicho chigwire ntchito.
Pakhoza kukhalanso machitidwe osayenera ku ubale womwe umapangitsa kutha kukhala kudziteteza. Pooja anati: “Nthaŵi zina anthu angakukondeni koma chikondi chawo n’choipa kwa inu, osati chabwino ku thanzi lanu la maganizo.” Apa m’pamene muyenera kupitiriza ndi kutha kwa banja.
Ngati chibwenzi chatsika mpaka posabwereranso, kuchoka nthawi zambiri ndiko kusankha kwanzeru. Koma nuance ndi kusanja kwa kugawanika kwa mbali imodzi ndizovuta kwambiri. Komabe ndikofunikira kuchokapo, chifukwa chakuti kukhala paubwenzi wopumira chifukwa chakuti simukufuna kuthana ndi munthu amene amakukondani kukuwononga nonse, inu ndi mnzanuyo. Chinthu chokhacho chotsatira bwino ndicho kuganizira njira zothetsera chibwenzi popanda kuvulaza kwambiri.
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Tiyeni tifotokoze momveka bwino izi. Mukakonzekera kupatukana ndi munthu amene akuganiza kuti ndinu amene mukumukonda, zidzakupwetekani kwambiri. Mutha kuimitsa nkhaniyi kwa nthawi yayitali pamene mukulimbana ndi vuto la momwe mungapatukana bwino koma tikhulupirireni, palibe njira yabwino yochitira izi. Mark Manson, wolemba mabuku ogulitsa kwambiri a New York Times a The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck , ali ndi mafunso angapo m'nkhani yake yokhudza nkhaniyi.
Kodi ndinu amene mukuchotsedwa kapena ndinu amene mukuchotsa chibwenzi? Kodi kusudzulana kumeneku kwachitika chifukwa cha vuto lalikulu kapena mavuto ang'onoang'ono angapo kuphatikizapo kutha kwa ubale wanu? Kodi mungafune kulankhulana ndi chibwenzi chanu chomwe chikubwera posachedwa? Nanga bwanji ngati akufuna kubwererana nanu ? Pokhapokha mutakhala ndi mayankho a mafunso awa, zikhala zovuta.
Chifukwa chake, kudziyang'anira ndi sitepe yoyamba kuti muchepetse nkhonya yothetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani. Mutadziwa chifukwa chake mukufuna kuthetsa chibwenzicho, vuto la mmene mungathetsere chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani likhoza kuyamba kuthetseratu. Tabwera kukuthandizani kuthana ndi zovuta zilizonse zotsalira ndi malangizo awa 11 othetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri:
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1. Onetsetsani kuti mukumvera
Kudula chibwenzi kumafuna kukonzekera. Choncho onetsetsani zimene mukumva. Sichanzeru kuchotsa mnzanu m’moyo wanu n’kudzanong’oneza bondo pambuyo pake. Kupanga chosankha chotero kumatanthauza kuvomereza zotulukapo zake ndi kusaseŵera ndi malingaliro a munthu winayo. Kodi mungamve bwanji ngati atakuchitirani zimenezi?
Nthawi zambiri timatanganidwa kwambiri ndi maganizo athu komanso mmene zingatikhudzire tikayambitsa chisudzulo moti sitiganizira za munthu wina. Limodzi mwa mayankho osavuta a momwe mungasiyanitse ndi munthu amene amakukondani ndikudziyika nokha mu nsapato zawo ndikupeza nthawi yosanthula momwe zinthu zilili momwe amaonera. Izi zidzakuthandizani kugwira ntchito kuchokera kumalo omvera chisoni.
Palibe choipitsitsa kuposa kusudzulana ndi munthu amene amakukondani kenako n’kumanong’oneza bondo chifukwa chakuti munachitapo kanthu mwamsanga. Musanayambe kukambirana ndi mnzanuyo, onetsetsani maganizo anu ndi chisankho chanu. Ngati simukudziwa choti muchite, musachite kalikonse. Chitanipo kanthu kokha mutapeza mayankho a mafunso anu ndipo muli otsimikiza kuti pali zifukwa zomveka zothetsera banja.
2. Osachita mwachisawawa
Monga maubwenzi onse amakono, ukadaulo mwina unathandiza kwambiri pakukulumikizani nonse awiri. Koma chonde, musalole kuti izi zikhale njira yokupambanitsani. Ngati mukufuna kusudzulana bwino ndi munthu wina, musachite izi pafoni kapena kudzera pa meseji yoti musudzulane. Chitani izi maso ndi maso, mwaulemu.
Kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi wokondedwa wanu chifukwa cha mawu ('sikukugwiranso ntchito' kapena zina zotere), kapena pa FB kapena Instagram kapena pa WhatsApp SIZWIRI. Zikuwonetsa kusalimba mtima kumbali yanu kuti mukhale ndi macheza ovuta. Wokondedwa wanu akuyenera kuyanjana, ngakhale zingakhale zovuta kwa nonse awiri.
Ponena za njira yoyenera yothetsera chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri kapena amene ali ndi tsogolo ndi inu, Pooja akulangiza kuti, “Masiku ano, chilichonse chili m’manja mwathu – chikondi, kutumizirana mameseji otumizirana mameseji ngakhalenso kupatukana. khalani ndi zokambirana zovuta zomalizazi pamasom'pamaso osati pakompyuta. ”
3. Sankhani tsiku loyenera
bwanji kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani? Malo ndi nthawi ndi mbali zonse zofunika pazithunzi. Musaiwale kuti mudzathetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri. Ndipo kotero, mwachiwonekere muyenera kutenga malingaliro ake. Pewani kuchita izi pa tsiku lachikumbutso kapena pafupi ndi tsiku lawo lobadwa kapena nthawi yosangalatsa ngati Khrisimasi kapena Thanksgiving.
Pokhapokha ngati mwavulazidwa m'thupi kapena m'maganizo - ndiye kuti muyenera kuzichotsa nthawi yomweyo - dikirani nthawi yoyenera. Sankhani tsiku lamtendere, lopanda zochitika mukakhala ndi nthawi yambiri. Komanso, musamaleke pakati pa mkangano waukulu. Dikirani kuti zinthu zichepe ndipo mtima wanu ukhale pansi musanawauze zimene mwasankha.
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4. Pewani nkhani yakuti “tiyenera kulankhula”
Mutha kukonzekera masiku omaliza koma chonde musapatse mnzanuyo nthawi yoyembekezera zomwe zingachitike. Musamusunge akudikira chigamulo. Pamene mukunena kuti muyenera kulankhula, zikutanthauza kuti pali chinachake chofulumira komanso chodetsa nkhawa kotero kuti iwo akhoza kukhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri.
Uthenga woopsa kwambiri wakuti “Tifunika kukambirana” ndi woopsa kwambiri. Mwina mnzanuyo wayamba kale kuona zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti kusudzulana kuli pafupi ndipo zinthu sizili bwino pakati panu, choncho musamupangitse kudikira nkhani yaikulu.
Pooja akufotokoza kuti: “Kodi mungathetse bwanji chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani?
5. Khalani oona mtima pazifukwa zanu
Monga tanenera, palibe njira yosavuta yochitira izi. Koma musanayambe kumuuza kuti simukufunanso kukhala pachibwenzi, yambani mwamuuza nkhawa zanu. Muyenera kukhala ndi zifukwa zomveka zothetsa banja, zomwe mukufunikira ndikuzilankhula momveka bwino komanso mwamphamvu. Sikoyenera kumuukira mnzanu kapena kumuneneza pa nthawiyi. Athokozeni chifukwa cha zomwe adabweretsa pamoyo wanu m'malo mwake.
Mukasiyana ndi munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri, ndi bwino kuganizira za “Ine” osati “inu” kapena “ife”. Izi zimangotanthauza kuti muyenera kuyambitsa ziganizo zanu ndi "Ndikuganiza", "ndikumva" ndi zina zotero. Dzipangeni nokha gawo la zokambirana. Ndizodabwitsa kuti chisankho chanu chothetsa chibwenzi chidzadzetsa chisokonezo ndi mkwiyo (chifukwa amakukondanibe, mukukumbukira? ) mwa mnzanuyo. Ngakhale zili choncho, muyenera kuwafotokozera chifukwa chake mukufuna kuthetsa chibwenzicho ngakhale kuti nonse mumagwirizana.
Pofotokoza chifukwa chake izi zili zofunika, Pooja akuti, "Kusadzipatsa nokha ndi kutseka mnzako ndikosavuta, makamaka pamene mwaganiza zothetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene akuganiza kuti zonse zili bwino. Kuzunzika pano kapena kusawauza zomwe zinakukhumudwitsani sikoyenera. Muyenera kukhala oyera ndi kukhala ndi mtima wamtima kotero kuti inu ndi iwo amvetse bwino zomwe akuchita ndi zomwe akuchita. Zimathandizanso kupitiriza."
6. Lembani ubwino wa kugawanika
Inde, mndandanda wa chifukwa chake kutha kwa chibwenzi ndi lingaliro labwino ungamveke ngati yankho lankhanza komanso lachipatala la momwe mungathetsere chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani. Koma kulemba ubwino wotha kukwatirana kungathandize kuchepetsa vutolo ndikupangitsa kuti mnzanuyo avomereze zizindikiro zoti chibwenzicho chikutha . Mukatha kukwatirana ndi munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri, sangakhale ndi maganizo abwino kuti athe kuona chifukwa chomwe mwasankhira koma muyenera kuwafotokozera.
Ganizirani zinthu zabwino zokhudza kusiya chibwenzicho. Mwina awiri inu mudzasiya kumenyana ndi kutopana. Mwina, kupatukanaku kukupatsani inu nonse mwayi woganizira maloto anu. Zingawoneke ngati kuwombera kwautali koma powonetsera momveka bwino kuti iwo (komanso inu) akanakhala bwino popanda wina ndi mzake, mukhoza kukhala kosavuta kuthetsa ndi munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri.
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7. Pangani mwachangu
Zikumveka zankhanza zedi, koma yesani KUSAtalikitsa nkhaniyo. Tsiku limene munaganiza zothetsa chibwenzi si tsiku limene munaganiza zothetsa chibwenzi. Tsiku lomwe mumacheza ndi tsiku lomwe mwasankha kuti muzitsatira. Choncho musazengereze ndikuziika nthawi yayitali.
Monga tanenera kale, mukasankha kulekana ndi munthu amene akuganiza kuti ndinu amene mwakhala naye pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali, khalani otsimikiza 100% za chisankho chanu. Koma mukangoyika kusudzulana patebulo lanu, musabwerere m'mbuyo. Chitani zomwe mungafune kuzikumbukira. Musadandaule kuti mwakhumudwitsa mnzanu pambuyo pake. Simungafune kuti mphindi zanu zomaliza zikhale mkwiyo, chisoni kapena kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa. Kuti mupewe zimenezo, khalani olimba mtima koma okoma mtima.
8. Osapanga lonjezo laubwenzi
Pewani msampha wa "tikhoza kukhala mabwenzi nthawi zonse". Ndi bwino kukhala ndi ubale wabwino ndi wakale wanu koma zimenezo zimatenga nthawi ndipo ziyenera kuchitika mwachibadwa, pakapita nthawi. Panthawi imeneyo pamene mukusiyana ndi munthu amene amakukondani, simuyenera kupereka malingaliro abodza akuti mupitiriza kukhala m'moyo wawo kapena kuyesa kuwatonthoza ndi ubwenzi wanu. Pakadali pano, kukhala bwenzi ndi wakale wanu sikungayende bwino.
Perekani mpata wanu wakale ndi ulemu. Cholinga chanu chingakhale chothetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene mumamukonda bwino kuti mutha kulonjeza kuti mudzakhalabe mabwenzi koma izi zimapatsa mnzanuyo chiyembekezo cholakwika. Lingaliro limeneli likhoza kuwoneka ngati yankho lolondola ku funso lakuti, “Kodi mumatani ngati mutatha kusudzulana ndi munthu amene mumam’konda?”, koma zonse zimene mukuchita ndi kungodzichotsera kulakwa kwanu. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mudzangokhalira kusokoneza zinthu.
Pooja anati: “Sitingayembekezere aliyense kuti akhwime mokwanira kuti akhale paubwenzi ndi wakale wanu. Kuwalonjeza kuti mudzakhalabe mabwenzi kungawapweteketseni kwambiri ndipo sikoyenera. Chonde lembani malire omveka bwino ponena za mmene kukhalirana kwanu kudzakhalire ngati palibe kupeŵeka chifukwa cha mikhalidwe yanu; mwachitsanzo, ngati mnzanuyo kapena muli ndi mwana.” Momwemonso, kukhazikitsa malire omveka bwino komanso kupanga mtunda pang'ono kumakhalanso kofunika ngati mwaganiza zothetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakuderani nkhawa.
9. Pitani kumalo osalumikizana nawo
Mukathetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakukondani, musasiye mpata woti mukambirane. Tsatirani lamulo loti musalankhulane. Anthu ambiri amalekana ndi okondedwa awo ndipo mwachinsinsi amayembekezera kuti adzawatsata chifukwa akufuna kutsimikiziridwa. Izi si zachilungamo. Khalidwe lotere lingapangitse mnzanuyo kukhala wamisala. Izi zimakhazikitsanso maziko a ubale woyambiranso, womwe ndi chitsanzo cha poizoni.
Vuto munjira iyi ndikuti kutha kutha kutha. Musamalankhulane nthawi zonse mukatha kutha, mwina kwa kanthawi. Ngati kuyanjanitsa kumachitika pang'onopang'ono mulole. Koma musachikakamize chifukwa chodziimba mlandu kapena nkhawa. Musaganize kuti m'pofunika kudzimana chifukwa cha chosankha chanu. Nthawi yosalumikizana imakhala yofunika kwambiri mukasiya kucheza ndi munthu yemwe amakukondani kwambiri kapena mukutuluka muubwenzi wosayenera womwe umadziwika ndi poizoni, nkhanza, kudalirana kapena kukhumudwa.
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10. Lolani kuti maganizo anu awonekere
Ngakhale kuti muli ndi zifukwa zomveka zakusudzulana, musakhale ndi liwongo kwa moyo wanu wonse. Nonse inu ndi wokondedwa wanu mudzakhudzidwa kwambiri ndipo ndizotheka kuti womalizayo akhumudwitse kapena kugwedezeka ndipo ayesetse kukonza chibwenzicho. Ngakhale mutakhala kuti ndiwe amene munakoka chibwenzicho, mukhozabe kudutsa m’magawo osiyanasiyana achisoni mutatha kutha.
Ubale umakhala gawo lofunikira la moyo wathu ndi zomwe timadziwika. Ikatha, mosasamala kanthu za amene anasankha kusweka, imasiya chiphona chachikulu, chopanda malire m'moyo wanu. Muyenera kukumbatira zonse zosasangalatsa, nthawi zambiri zosokoneza, mutatha kupatukana kuti mutha kudzaza dzenje ndikuyamba kusuntha.
11. Osagonana nawo
Cholinga chanu chingakhale chosiyana ndi munthu amene mumamukonda bwino, koma mukukhala wokoma mtima kwambiri, mutha kumangowatonthoza, ndipo chinthu chimodzi chingayambitse china. Kugona pabedi ndi munthu amene mukufuna kuti musiyane naye ndiye zotsatira zoyipa kwambiri za zokambirana zovuta.
Kungoti mukuda nkhawa ndi momwe mungathanirane ndi munthu amene mumamukonda, sizitanthauza kuti mudzakhala naye limodzi! Zoonadi, kukopa kwakuthupi kungakhalepobe koma sikokwanira chifukwa chofuna kukhalabe muubwenzi. Kutuluka pambuyo pake kumakhala kovuta kwambiri.
Pooja anati: “Kugona ndi munthu amene wayambana naye si vuto lalikulu.
Pamapeto pake, palibe chifukwa chabwino kapena cholakwika kapena njira yothanirana ndi munthu yemwe mumamukonda koma samamukonda. Tsoka ilo, ili ndi bwalo limodzi pomwe sipangakhale template yokhazikitsidwa mwina chifukwa chakuti simudziwa momwe mnzanu angachitire. Zidzakhala zowawa ngakhale zitakhala za tsogolo labwino kwa awiri a inu. Ndipo ngati palibe chomwe chikugwira ntchito, ndiye ingosiyani nthawi kuti ichite machiritso.
Ibibazo
Choyamba, onetsetsani kuti mukumvera. Khalani otsimikiza 100% kuti simukufuna kupitiliza chibwenzi ngakhale zitatanthauza kuti muthane ndi munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri.
Pangani kukambirana maso ndi maso. Konzekerani bwino musanakambirane koma khalani ndi chifukwa chomveka chothetsera chibwenzicho. Wokondedwa wanu ayenera kudziwa choonadi. Apatseni nthawi ndi malo kuti akonze ndi kuchira.
Koma mukangolandira foniyo, musayang'ane m'mbuyo. Musamagawane chifukwa cha mauthenga , WhatsApp kapena malo ochezera a pa Intaneti. Musachedwe kwambiri, fulumirani. Musapange malonjezo abodza kuti muchepetse ululu ndipo yesani kulowa m'malo osalumikizana nthawi yomweyo mutapatukana.
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
