Childfree Mwa Kusankha - Zifukwa 15 Zodabwitsa Osakhala ndi Ana

Chodzikanira: Izi sizokwiyitsa makolo omwe akuchita ntchito yabwino kwambiri pakulera ana athanzi. Kukhala ndi ana kapena kusakhala ndi ana ndi chosankha chaumwini.

Mabanja osiyanasiyana ali ndi zifukwa zosiyanasiyana zokhalira opanda ana. Masiku ano, lingaliro la Double Income No Kids (DINKS) likukulirakulira. Ziribe chifukwa chosakhala ndi ana, kukhala wopanda ana mwa kusankha kumagwira ntchito bwino kwa ambiri, kuphatikizapo okwatirana otchuka. Pali anthu ambiri otchuka opanda ana omwe akhala akufotokoza momveka bwino chifukwa chake anasankha kukhala makolo. Oprah Winfrey ndi bwenzi lake lomwe adakhala nalo kwa nthawi yayitali sanakonzekere kulera mwana wawo. Momwemonso, Jennifer Aniston adanenanso momveka bwino kuti sakufuna kukhala mayi komanso kuti sakonda kukakamizidwa kosayenera kwa amayi kuti abereke.

Kuti timvetse bwino nkhaniyi komanso kumvetsetsa ubwino wokhala opanda ana bwino, tinalankhula ndi psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri wamaubwenzi ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Analankhula nafe za ubwino wokhala opanda ana ndi zifukwa zimene maanja angapo amasankha kukhala opanda ana.

“Kodi Ndidzanong’oneza Bondo Chifukwa Chosabala Ana” Vs “Kukhala ndi Mwana Kunali Kolakwa”

Kuzunzika kwa khanda lachibwana nthawi zambiri kumapundula maanja. Kukayikira kumeneku kumakhudza osati mwana woyamba komanso ndi kuthekera kwa kubadwa kwa mwana aliyense wotsatira. Zimakhudza amene akufuna kukhala makolo komanso omwe sakufuna. Kuyang'ana pabulogu yapagulu yomwe imayika patsamba lokhala ndi pakati komanso ubereki kukuwonetsa momwe kuvutikira kumeneku kuli kofala, kosiyanasiyana, kosiyanasiyana kokhudza kukhala ndi mwana. Zotsatirazi ndi mawu ochepa otere kuchokera pazithunzi zenizeni koma zosadziwika pabulogu:

• "Nthawi zonse ndinkaganiza kuti ndidzakhala ndi awiri koma tsopano nthawi yakwana, ndikusowa chochita. Ndikuda nkhawa ndi zachuma. Ndikuda nkhawa ndi zochitika za tsiku ndi tsiku. Ndikuda nkhawa kuti sindidzakhala mayi wabwino wa ana awiri monga momwe ndiliri mwana wanga yekhayo "
• “Mwana wanga wamkazi ndi wovuta kwambiri moti ndimaona kuti kudzakhala ndi mwana wina ngati iyeyo kumandichititsa mantha.
• “Ndimadziona kuti ndine wosafunika ndipo zimenezi zimandichititsa kudziona kuti ndine wolakwa ndipo ngati ndine mayi wocheperapo kusiyana ndi amayi ena amene ali ndi ana ambiri. kundipezera nthawi ngati mayi"

Kodi mukuwona momwe zimakhalira bwino komanso zofala kudzazidwa ndi zovuta monga, "Kukhala ndi mwana kunali kulakwitsa," "Ndikukhumba ndikanakhala ndi wina koma kodi ndidzatha kulimbana ndi nkhawa imeneyo?", "Ndimakonda ana koma ndi okwera mtengo kwambiri". N’chimodzimodzinso ndi kusankha kusakhala ndi mwana n’kumadzifunsabe kuti, “Kodi ndidzanong’oneza bondo chifukwa chosakhala ndi ana?” Yankho lake nlakuti, “Mwinamwake mudzatero. Koma kodi chimenecho ndicho chifukwa chokwanira chokhalira ndi mwana?

Parental Indecision Therapy ndi chinthu chenicheni ndipo ngati inunso mukuona kuti ndinu wolumala chifukwa cha kulephera kusankha, mungalingalire kukaonana ndi mlangizi wodziwa zambiri. Ngati mukufunikira, alangizi odziwa zambiri komanso aluso pa Maphunziro a Bonobology gulu zingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi kukayikakayikaku pofika pamizu yake. Pakadali pano, werengani zamtsogolo kuti muwone zabwino zina zosakhala ndi ana.

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Zifukwa 15 Zabwino Kwambiri Zopanda Mwana

Dr. Bhonsle limati: “Kukhala ndi mwana kumadalira pa ntchito ya okwatiranayo, yaumwini, ndi zolinga za kakhalidwe kawo monga munthu payekha komanso gulu.” Zimatengera mtundu wa moyo umene mukufuna kudzipangira inuyo ndi mnzanuyo.

M'mbuyomu, kukhala wopanda ana kumatanthauza kukhala 'wopanda ana', kumene okwatirana sakanatha kukhala ndi ana, ngakhale ankafuna. Koma mfundo zodzisunga nthawi zambiri sizitilola kuzindikira kusinthaku ndipo lingalirolo limakhala lotsutsana. Kuchokera pakuyika patsogolo ntchito yanu mpaka kufuna kuyenda padziko lonse lapansi komanso kukhala ndi ndalama zochepa, pangakhale zifukwa zosiyanasiyana zosakhala ndi ana. Ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi wake asankha kukhala opanda ana, sizitanthauza kuti moyo wawo ndi wosasangalatsa. Maanja amene atuluka pa ubereki amalemekeza ubale wawo ndi zina za moyo wawo kuposa kulera ana. Ndizomwezo.

Chifukwa chake, musalole mnansi wanu wamanyazi kapena achibale anu amphuno akupangitseni kudziimba mlandu chifukwa cha chisankho chomwe chimakusangalatsani. Pali maubwino angapo osakhala ndi mwana ndipo "moyo wabanja" si wa aliyense. Talemba apa zifukwa 15 zapamwamba kapena ubwino wokhala wopanda ana:

1. Ganizirani kuchuluka kwa ndalama zomwe mungasunge!

Kutengera kafukufuku wa Consumer Expenditure Survey, USDA idapereka a lipoti Mu 2015, Mtengo Wolera Mwana, malinga ndi zomwe mtengo wolera mwana mpaka zaka 17 ndi $233,610 (ndalamazi siziphatikizapo malipiro a maphunziro). Onjezani ku thumba la ndalama za koleji, zolipirira ukwati wam'tsogolo, zosangalatsa zina, ndi ndalama zina, mudzakhala ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse ndi ngongole zamaphunziro, zowononga moyo wanu, komanso kupeza tsogolo la mwana wanu.

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kuti: “Ngati okwatirana alibe ndalama zokwanira kapena akuvutikira ntchito, ndiye kuti kukhala ndi mwana sikungakhale kwanzeru.” Mabanja ena amakonda moyo waufulu ndi wosavuta kumene samakumana ndi mavuto a kuloledwa kusukulu, olera ana, maphunziro owonjezera, ndi zina zambiri—zonsezi ndi zowononga ndalama zina. sankhani kukhala wopanda mwana mwa kusankha.” 

2. Zopindulitsa zachilengedwe - Dziko lapansi lidzakuthokozani chifukwa cha izo

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Ngakhale kuti pali maiko amene amapereka malipiro kwa nzika zawo kuti abereke ana, sitingakane mfundo yakuti kudera nkhaŵa za chilengedwe ndi kusintha kwa nyengo ndi zifukwa zomveka zokhalira opanda ana.” Ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amakhulupirira kuti chimodzi mwa zinthu zambiri zimene zimachititsa mavuto padzikoli ndi kuchuluka kwa anthu, ndiye kuti mungafune kuchita ntchito yanu osati kukhala ndi mwana.

Kusintha kwanyengo sikungopekanso. Madzi oundana akusungunuka. Kutentha kwa madzi ndi kusefukira kwa madzi ndizochitika tsiku ndi tsiku. Osayiwala, miliri yobwerezabwereza ya ma virus! Pakhoza kukhala zambiri zomwe zikuchitika kuti mibadwo yachichepere ivutike. Kodi machenjezo amenewa si okwanira? Kodi izi si zifukwa zomveka zosakhala ndi ana? Chikhumbo chanu chopatsa “moyo wabanja” mpata, chingakupangitseni kukhala wodzikonda kuposa mmene mukuganizira. Perekani banja lopanda ana mwayi m'malo mwake. Chitanipo kanthu pa dziko lapansi, poganizira kuti ana aumunthu amasiya mpweya waukulu.

3. Simukuthandizira kuchulukirachulukira

Njala padziko lonse yafika pachimake. Chiwerengero cha anthu chikuchuluka. Ngakhale kuchuluka kwa anthu ndi nkhani yeniyeni, zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto ambiri padziko lapansi, inu, monga munthu wopanda ana, mutha kukhala otsimikiza kuti simukuyambitsa chisokonezo ichi. Kusakatula mwachisawawa kudzera mu ulusi wochepera wa Childfree Reddit kudzawulula kuti ichi ndi chimodzi mwazifukwa zodziwika bwino zosakhala ndi ana zomwe zatchulidwa ndi anthu omwe alibe ana mwa kusankha.

Kulera ana ndi njira imodzi yothanirana ndi chikhumbo cha kukhala kholo popanda kuwonjezera vuto la chiŵerengero cha anthu. Ngati mwakhala mukulimbana ndi vuto lakuti “Kodi ndidzanong’oneza bondo kuti sindinakhale ndi ana,” koma mukuvutika ndi liwongo losatha, kulera ana kungakhale yankho lanu. Chisangalalo chokhala ndi kholo sichiyenera kuchepa chifukwa cha kusowa kwa ana obadwa nawo.

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4. Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti mudzakhala osangalala

Statistics Pamabanja opanda ana a Open University ku England ananena kuti okwatirana opanda ana amakhala osangalala m’maubwenzi awo powayerekeza ndi amene ali ndi ana. Wina phunziro ananena kuti chiwerengero cha ana obadwa ku United States chakhala chikutsika mosasintha m’zaka makumi angapo zapitazi. 

Apanso kuyang'ana kudzera mu subreddit yopanda mwana, r/childfree, kukuwonetsa momwe anthu amadzinenera kukhala osangalala ndi ufulu wosankha, ndalama zomwe amapeza, ndi zinthu zochepa zomwe zimadetsa nkhawa zomwe zimabwera ndi chisankho chosakhala ndi ana. Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit wosadziwika dzina anati, "Mabanja achikulire (50+) opanda ana omwe ndimawadziwa amawoneka osangalala kwambiri poyerekeza ndi makolo azaka zomwezo. Ndikukhulupirira kuti zimakhudzana kwambiri ndi kupsinjika pang'ono komanso ndalama zomwe zimatha kutayidwa."

5. Mutha kukhala modzidzimutsa!

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi akufunika kuyenda chifukwa cha ntchito yawo kapena amangokonda kukwera maulendo ndi kunyamula katundu, ndiye kuti kukhala ndi mwana sikungakhale njira yolimbikitsira imene amafunikira.

Ubwino wina wosakhala ndi ana ndikuti mutha kukhala paulendo popanda kudandaula za kukonza mwana. Yendani awiri okha! Ngati wina amakupangitsani kumva mosiyana, muwafunse mwaulemu kuti asamaganizire zawo. Kuphatikiza apo, popanda ndalama zowonjezera pakulera mwana, muli ndi zida zambiri zopangira mapulani osakonzekera. Ndizodabwitsa, sichoncho?

6. Mutha kuyenda mopepuka

Mndandanda wazolongedza umakhala wopanda malire mukamayenda ndi mwana. Ngakhale ulendo wochepa wopita kumalo a bwenzi ukhoza kutsogozedwa ndi ola limodzi lokonzekera ndi kunyamula. Muyenera kuwonetsetsa kuti musaiwale ngakhale zing'onozing'ono zazinthu kapena zonse zimapita kukaponyedwa. Koma, popanda mwana, mutha kungotseka nyumba yanu ... ndikuchoka!

Dr. Bhonsle akuwonjezera kuti: “Ngati okwatirana angakonde kukhala ndi mabwenzi, kupita m’chikwama, kupita ku zikondwerero za nyimbo, ndi kungodziona ngati ali aang’ono m’malo mosintha matewera, kudera nkhawa za kuloledwa kusukulu, ndi kupita kumisonkhano ya makolo ndi aphunzitsi, ndiye kuti sangafune kubweretsa moyo watsopano m’dzikoli. Chidziwitso cha ubereki sichimangokhalira kukhala ndi ana obadwa, pambuyo pake.

7. Ndinu wathanzi

Ziwerengero zina za maanja opanda ana zimasonyeza kuti kusakhala ndi ana kuli ndi ubwino wathanzi. A phunziro limasonyeza aliyense mimba ndi kubereka inapita patsogolo ma ukalamba akazi ndi zaka ziwiri. Wina phunziro, kwa zaka 116, lolembedwa ndi American Journal of Human Biology, linapeza kuti amene alibe mwana amakhala ndi moyo wautali kuposa amene anasankha kukhala ndi mwana. Kafukufukuyu adanenanso kuti amayi omwe alibe ana amachita bwino pankhani ya maphunziro ndi ndalama zomwe zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi thanzi labwino komanso thanzi labwino. 

8. Kugona bwino, thanzi labwino

Kulera ana ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zodziwikiratu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti akuluakulu azisowa tulo, ndi maulalo nkhani za umoyo ndi kukalamba mofulumira. Koma taganizirani izi: Palibe kusintha kwa thewera pa 2:30 usiku uliwonse kwa zaka ziwiri zolunjika. Palibe kukankhira mnzanu kuti ayeretse bedi chifukwa Ricky wamng'ono anachita ngozi. Osadandaula kudyetsa mwana maola angapo aliwonse. Mutha kugona pampando pomwe mukuwonera mndandanda womwe mumakonda. Ubwino wa kugona kwabwino kwa thanzi lanthawi yayitali sizobisika.

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9. Mutha kukhala ndi zinthu zabwino m'nyumba

Mphepete zakuthwa za matebulo amasiyanitsa masitepe okhotakhota mnyumba mwanu ndipo mumawakonda. Sizingakhale zotetezeka kwa ana koma mumakonda kumva komanso kumveka kwa nyumba yanu ndipo simukufuna kusintha chilichonse. Simukufuna kudandaula kuti mwana wanu wagwa. Mbale ya Guwa la Santangelo ikhoza kuikidwa patebulo lodyera popanda kuopa kuti mwana angaswe.

Mutha kukongoletsanso nyumba yanu mwanjira iliyonse yomwe mungafune. Makatani anu adzakhala opanda utoto, makoma anunso. Palibe mkaka wotayika, palibe zoseweretsa zogona mozungulira. Mutha kusankha kukhala ndi zinthu zabwino m'nyumba osaganiza zokhala ndi umboni wa malowo.

10. Chidziwitso chanu cha akatswiri ndi chakuthwa

Malingaliro anu ndi olondola, osati oyenerera kugwira mwana. Popanda zododometsa zilizonse, mudzatha kuyang'ana kwambiri ntchito yanu, makamaka ngati mukugwira ntchito kunyumba. Ngati, kwa inu, zonse kugwirira ntchito pamoyo Chofunika kwambiri, ndiye kuti kusamalira mwana 24 × 7 sikungagwirizane bwino ndi moyo womwe mumaganizira nokha. Ndipo ichi ndi chifukwa chovomerezeka monga aliyense kukhala wopanda mwana mwa kusankha. Chidziwitso chanu chimawonekera mukamathandizidwa kuthana ndi vuto lantchito m'malo momangoyang'ana mwana wanu pabedi.

11. Inu ndi wokondedwa wanu muli ndi mgwirizano wamphamvu

Nthawi zina, okwatirana amakhala ndi ana kuti akonze ukwati. Okwatirana amene amayendetsa mtedza wina ndi mzake, pafupifupi nthawi zonse amamva kuti ali ndi udindo wokhala pamodzi chifukwa cha ana odalira. Koma zimenezi n’zosathandiza kwenikweni. Ndichiyembekezo chopusa, chosatheka chomwe mumadzipangira nokha ndi mnzanuyo. Kukhala ndi mwana woti akonze banja lopanda chimwemwe sikulakwa chabe komanso ndi njira yothetsera mavuto.

Simufunikanso mwana wosalakwa ataponyedwa mu kusakaniza, makamaka pamene inu ndi mnzanuyo simuli pa tsamba limodzi. Ndi bwino kulankhulana ndi kuthetsa kusamvana m’banja m’malo moika mtolo wa nkhani za ukwati wanu pa mwana wosalakwa amene alibe mphamvu kapena thayo lothana nazo. Popanda mwana pachithunzipa, inu ndi mnzanu mungakhale otsimikiza kuti muli limodzi chifukwa mwakulitsa ubale wolimba.

12. Simufunikanso kudalira dongosolo la ukalamba wosadalirika

A. Ana si dongosolo lodalirika la ukalamba. B. Ana sayenera kutengedwa ngati ndondomeko ya ukalamba. Anthu akakuuzani kuti mumafunikira ana chifukwa adzakusamalirani mukadzakalamba, afunseni kuti, kodi mukufunadi kuti mwana wanu asiye moyo ndi ntchito yake kuti akusamalireni? Ndi chifukwa chake munawaberekera? Kodi simungafune kuti mwana wanu akhale ndi moyo wosangalala?

Kupatula apo, anthu ambiri omwe ali ndi ana akumana ndi kufunikira kopita kumalo okhala othandizira ngakhale ali ndi ana. Jenni, yemwe samanong’oneza bondo popanda mwana, anati: “Sindikanafuna kukakamiza ana anga kukhala ndi moyo.

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13. Simuyenera kuda nkhawa kwambiri ndi kuchuluka kwa upandu padziko lonse lapansi

Pali zifukwa zambiri zosakhala ndi ana ndipo kupeŵa kubweretsa mwana m'dziko lachisoni ndi chimodzi mwa izo. Taonani kuwonjezereka kwa upandu, udani, ndi kugaŵikana m’dziko lamakonoli. Ndi ana, mumathera theka la maola anu ogona kuganiza ngati afika kunyumba bwinobwino kapena ayi. Kuzunzidwa pa intaneti kapena kupezerera anzawo pa intaneti ndi vuto lina lomwe makolo ambiri amayenera kuthana nalo masiku ano. Pamene mulibe mwana, mukhoza kuthetsa nkhawa nthawi zonse ndi nkhawa za ubwino wawo pa moyo wanu .

14 Mudzakhala ndi mtendere wochuluka m'moyo wanu

Aliyense amene ali ndi ana amadziwa kuti akhoza kuyamwa magetsi amoyo mwa inu. Akhoza kukuthamangitsani kukhoma ndikukupangitsani kufuna kung'amba tsitsi lanu. Amakuwa, amalira, amafuna chisamaliro chokhazikika. Amafunikira chisamaliro ndi chithandizo nthawi zonse, ndipo amafunikira kuti mukhale 'pamodzi' ndi 'kusanja' ngakhale mutakhala kuti mukukhumudwa. Ndi ntchito yochuluka, ndipo popanda iwo, zingakhale zosavuta kuti mupeze mtendere ndi bata.

15. Kugonana - Kulikonse komanso nthawi iliyonse

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazabwino kwambiri kukhala wopanda mwana. Palibe mwana wolira kuti awononge orgasm yanu. Makolo, ndi liti pamene munakhala ndi nthawi yogonana, osasokonezedwa? Ndikutanthauza, ganizirani inu ndi mnzanu kupanga chikondi ndipo mwana wanu amalowamo! Zovuta, chabwino? Chimodzi mwazifukwa zosakhala ndi ana ndichifukwa amatha kulepheretsa moyo wanu waukwati posakulolani kusangalala ndi chibwenzi.

Kumbukirani kuti ana amabwera ndi udindo waukulu. Ngati si kapu yanu ya tiyi, vomerezani, ndikugwiritsanso ntchito zabwino zambiri za kusakhala ndi ana ndikuyang'ana kupeza mayitanidwe anu enieni m'moyo. Pali anthu ambiri padziko lapansi amene amaganiza kuti kukhala ndi mwana kunali kulakwitsa koma sangavomereze.

Izi siziyenera kuweruza zosankha za anthu omwe akufuna ana komanso omwe ali ndi chikondi ndi chiyembekezo chokhala makolo. Koma chimenecho chiyenera kukhala chifukwa chokhacho choberekera - kufuna kukhala ndi ana akudziwa kuti mudzakhala makolo odabwitsa, osaweruza omwe akupitirizabe kuphunzira zomwe amakonda. Zifukwa zina zilizonse - kaya kukakamizidwa ndi anthu, kuyika mawotchi achilengedwe, kapena agogo anu aakazi kupempha mdzukulu wanu kuti awononge - sizokwanira ndipo siziyenera kukhala kanthu.

Ibibazo

Ndinayenera Kusewera Pamimba Yabodza, Tithokoze Kwa Gulu Lathu

Chifukwa Chake Muyenera Kuganizira za Prenup Pambuyo pa Ukwati

Mmene Mungamasulirenso Maudindo A Jenda Pa Ntchito Zapakhomo

Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

Kumanani ndi Bungwe Lathu Lowunika

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