"Chiyembekezo ndiye muzu wa mavuto onse a mtima" - William Shakespeare
Sitikudziwa ngati wizened wakale bard ananenadi mawu awa (ngakhale intaneti imamupangitsa iye!) koma simungakane zomwe zilimo. Zoyembekeza mu maubwenzi zitha kukhala spoilsports ndithu.
Inde, tikudziwa zomwe mukuganiza - izi nzosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita. Kodi simungayembekezere kalikonse mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi chikondi cha moyo wanu? Kodi mungakhale bwanji popanda ziyembekezo? Cholakwika ndi chiyani poyembekezera kuti wokondedwa wanu akuchitirani zina? Ukunena zowona, tikukumva! Ndani ananena kuti zinali zophweka?
Koma ngakhale kukakhala kupusa kuganiza kuti tonsefe titha kukhala oyera mtima ndi masisitere omwe amachita chilichonse popanda kuyembekezera kubweza kalikonse, zomwe mungachite ndikuphunzira luso losamalira zomwe mukuyembekezera. Mukakhala ndi malingaliro osokonekera, osasamala, mutha kuwonetsetsa kuti ngati (mulungu aletse) kukongola kwanu kukupwetekani, bwino… kumapweteka pang'ono! Komanso, mutha kubwereranso mwamphamvu kuposa kale.
N'chifukwa Chiyani Timayembekezera M'mabwenzi?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kukhala ndi zoyembekeza mu maubwenzi ndi chilengedwe. Musalole aliyense kuti akuuzeni zina. Simuyenera kuchita manyazi kapena kudziikira kumbuyo. Tonse taleredwa pazikhalidwe zina ndi zowonera. Pamene tikukula, izi zimakhala mbali yofunikira ya umunthu wathu. Zambiri zimachokera ku conditioning.
Tizikonda kapena ayi, koma timayembekezera zazikulu kuchokera kwa bwenzi lathu kuposa momwe timachitira kuchokera, kunena kwa mnansi kapena m'bale kapena bwana. Izi zili choncho chifukwa tadyetsedwa malingaliro achikondi achikondi, ukwati, ndi 'mosangalala mpaka kalekale', zomwe siziri kwenikweni zomwe moyo uli. Kodi izi zikutanthauza kuti n'kopanda pake kukhala ndi zoyembekeza mu maubwenzi?
Ayi ndithu! Ndipotu, kafukufuku akunena kuti kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zabwino muubwenzi kungapangitse kuti anthu azigwira ntchito bwino. Malinga ndi kafukufuku amene anachitika ku University of Maryland, zolinga ndi kuwunika kwa ubale zinali zabwino pakati pa maanja omwe ali ndi ziyembekezo zapamwamba, zomwe zimasonyeza kukhululukirana kwambiri komanso kunyozana pang'ono.
Chiphunzitsochi chikugwirizana ndi miyezo ndi ziyembekezo mu maubwenzi.
Mukayembekezera kukhulupirika, kukhulupirika, ubwenzi, kudalirana ndi zina zotero. Zikutanthauza kuti mukukhazikitsa miyezo yapamwamba ndipo mudzazifunafuna mwachangu. Mungathe kukwaniritsa makhalidwe amenewa kusiyana ndi kutsitsa miyezo yanu ndi zoyembekeza zanu mu maubwenzi. Kumbali ina, ngati pazifukwa zina, simupeza zomwe mukuyembekezera, kukhumudwa nkwachibadwa.
Koma ndiye, izi zimakhazikitsa maziko oti mufunikire kapena kupangitsa kuti zinthu zizikuyenderani bwino pokambirana ndi mnzanu kapena kuchitapo kanthu kuti mukwaniritse zolinga zanu. Mwachidule, mutha kuyang'anira zomwe mukuyembekezera muubwenzi pokhapokha mutadziwa ngati zikukwaniritsidwa kapena ayi. Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, ndi bwino KUKHALA ndi zoyembekeza ndikuchitapo kanthu kusiyana ndi kusakhala nazo ndikukhala ndi moyo wosokonekera.
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Momwe Mungasamalire Zomwe Mumayembekezera Mu Ubwenzi?
Ndi bwino kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zenizeni ndi zachilengedwe. Koma simungayembekezere kuti ena asinthe kapena kuti iwo azichita mmene inuyo mukufunira. Kupsinjika maganizo kumadza pamene ziyembekezo zanu sizikwaniritsidwa mobwerezabwereza, chifukwa ubongo wathu umalumikizidwa m'njira yopereka tanthauzo lowonjezera pa zonse zomwe zikuchitika pafupi nafe.
Mumasakaniza zomwe munakumana nazo m'mbuyomu ndi munthuyo, kuwonjezera zina pazovuta zomwe zidasokonekera kale ndipo pamapeto pake zimakuwonjezerani kukhumudwa kwanu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukuyembekeza kuti wokondedwa wanu azipita ku zochitika ndi maphwando ndi inu nthawi zonse ndipo amalephera kutero, mungakhumudwe. Izi zikachitika nthawi zonse, mutha kuyika zofooka zawo zina ku chizoloŵezichi, kukulitsa makhalidwe awo oipa. Zonsezi zimabweretsa kuwonongeka kwa ubale.
Kuti mupewe zomwe simukuyembekezera kuti zikhale chifukwa chachikulu cha ubale wosasangalatsa , nayi njira yoyenera yothanirana nazo:
1. Dziwani kuti ziyembekezo zoipa ndi zotani
Kuti mupewe kupweteka, choyamba ndikofunikira kudziwa zomwe zikuyembekezeka kukhala pachibwenzi. Modziwa kapena mosadziwa, poika ziyembekezo mu ubwenzi, nthawi zina timaika bala pamwamba kwambiri, amene ndiye amalemera kwambiri m'maganizo mwathu ngakhale tisanayambe bwino chibwenzi.
Ngati mukufuna kuti mwamuna wanu azitentha kwambiri kuposa Zac Efron, wolemera kwambiri, ndikukhala ndi inu mphindi iliyonse, pepani, mukudzipangitsa kuti mukhumudwitse. Mukuyang'ana pa zidziwitso zolondola pamndandanda kuposa ma mtengo onse. Yembekezerani kuti mnzanuyo akhale wokonzekera bwino, wothandizira, ndi wokoma mtima m'malo molozera kutalika kwake kapena ndalama za banki.
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2. Dziwani zomwe mukufuna m'moyo
Lamulo loyamba la moyo wabwino wachikondi: Simungakhale ndi zonse nthawi zonse. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, khalani ndi ziyembekezo zenizeni muubwenzi . Izi zikutanthauza kudziwa zomwe mukufuna kuchokera muubwenzi weniweni. Musaope kufotokoza zomwe mukuyembekezera kuchokera kwa mnzanu wa moyo wanu kapena mnzanu wachikondi wamakono.
Ndipo ngati mwasokonezeka, yesani ndikulemba zomwe simukuzifuna. Nthawi zambiri, mukakumana ndi kucheza ndi anthu ambiri, mudzadziwa nokha zomwe mtima wanu umafuna kuchokera paubwenzi waukulu. Izi zitha kukhala chilimbikitso chokuthandizani kukwaniritsa zolinga zanu ndikuwonetsetsa kuti simudzakwatirana ndi munthu wolakwika yemwe amalephera kukwaniritsa zomwe mukuyembekezera.
3. Lolani kukhumudwitsidwa pazochitika zina
Muyenera kukumbukira kuti nthawi zina zoyembekeza zomveka sizingakwaniritsidwenso. Ndi moyo ndipo zinthu izi zimachitika. Mnyamata kapena mtsikana wanu wachibwenzi angaiwale chochitika china chofunika kwambiri, anganene mawu achipongwe m’kati mwa ndewu, zochita zawo zingakhale zochititsa mantha nthawi zina.
Dzifunseni kuti ndinu okonzeka kukhululuka mpaka pati?
Ngati muli ndi ziyembekezo zokhwima, mudzapeza kukhala kovuta kukhululukira ngakhale zolakwa zazing'ono za mnzanuyo. M'malo mwake, ngati muli ndi malire pakati pa zoyembekeza zanu ndi kukwaniritsidwa kwake, mudzatha kuyendetsa bwino malingaliro anu.
4. Zoyembekeza motsutsana ndi zosowa ndi zofuna
Kim Eng, wolankhula zolimbikitsa komanso mnzake wa wolemba Ekhart Tolle, ali ndi malingaliro osangalatsa okhudzana ndi ziyembekezo za anzawo.
“Palibe cholakwika kukhala ndi zoyembekeza m’maubwenzi, koma musamawonjezere tanthauzo,” akutero. Chofunikira m'malo mwake ndikuyang'ana mkati ndikuwona ngati awa ali athanzi kapena akuchokera ku gawo losazindikira la 'pain-body'.
Mwachitsanzo, tiyerekeze kuti inu ndi mnzanu simukugwirizana pa nthawi yomwe mumakhala limodzi. Choyamba, yang'anani bwino maola omwe mumakhala limodzi. Ngakhale pa nthawi imeneyo, kodi mumamva kukhutira komanso kukhutitsidwa kapena pali chikhumbo? Ngati akukhala kutali ndi inu kuposa momwe ayenera kuchitira ndipo inu mukuwatsatirabe , ndiye kuti mukuopa kukhala nokha ndipo ubale wanu suli bwino.
5. Khalani ndi zolinga ndi moyo wanu
Mukuganiza pamene ziyembekezo zimawononga ubale? Ndi pamene mumapanga zambiri, ngati si zonse, zokhumba zanu ndi zomwe mukufuna kwa mnzanuyo. M'kati mwake, mumayika mipiringidzo mopanda dala chifukwa chakuti mukufuna kukwaniritsa zomwe mukuyembekezera kuchokera kwa mnzanuyo.
N’chifukwa chiyani amuna ena amwambo amafunafuna akazi amene ali okonzekera bwino panyumba?
Mwina chifukwa amayamwa kuyang'anira ntchito zapakhomo. Fufuzani maubwenzi kuti akuthandizeni osati kumaliza. Ngati muli ndi zolinga m'moyo, ntchito yopambana ndikudzikonda nokha, mudzafunafuna mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe amakulitsa mikhalidweyo ndikusakwaniritsa.
6. Khalani owona mtima ndi kulankhulana bwino
Kulankhulana momasuka ndi chinsinsi cha ubale wabwino. Sizifuna katswiri kuti azindikire izi. Koma pankhani yokhazikitsa ziyembekezo mu maubwenzi, kufunikira kwa macheza owona mtima kumawonjezeka mochulukira. Chonde musayembekezere kuti mnzanuyo akudziwa zomwe mukufuna.
Kaya mukuchita chibwenzi kapena mukukonzekera ukwati , ndi bwino kufotokoza momveka bwino zomwe mukuyembekezera. Kuyambira zinthu zosavuta mpaka kutsuka mbale ndi kuonera TV mpaka zisankho zosintha moyo zokhudzana ndi ana, ndalama ndi zina zambiri, khalani omveka bwino pa malingaliro anu.
Kusemphana maganizo kumabuka pamene inu ndi mnzanuyo simungafike pakati pa nkhani zomwe simukugwirizana.
7. Phunzirani kuyamikira osati kutsutsa
Mukamaganizira kwambiri zimene mukuyembekezera, nthawi zambiri zimakulepheretsani kukhala ndi chimwemwe chimene mungakhale nacho chifukwa chosangalala ndi moyo. Choncho, sikuti ziyembekezo zimawononga maubale. Kuwayika iwo mu miyala. Ngati mumamukondadi wokondedwa wanu, musamuweruze potengera ngati anakuchitirani zinthu momwe munafunira kapena ayi.
M'malo mwake, ganizirani zabwino za ubale wanu. Tinene kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amathera nthawi yochuluka pamasewera ake komanso nthawi yochepa yocheza ndi ana. Ndipo izo zimakukwiyitsani inu. M’malo moisintha kukhala nkhani, ganizirani mmene iye amakhalira akamacheza nawo.
Mwina m’maola ochepa amene amakhala nawo, amawaona kukhala ofunika mphindi iliyonse. Yang'anani zinthu zomwe mungayamikire osati kutsutsa. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mumanyalanyaza zolakwika. Kungoti mumapereka kulemera kofanana kwa abwino ndi oipa.
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8. Osafanizira ubale wanu ndi ena
Kufananiza kumayendera limodzi ndi ziyembekezo za ubale zomwe sizingachitike. Mukawona mikhalidwe kapena maluso omwe mumalakalaka mwa mnzanu mwa munthu wina, zimawonjezera kutentha pamtima. Izi zimachitika chifukwa mukuyembekeza kuti mnzanuyo adzadzaza chilichonse, chosowa chilichonse, chomwe mukufuna, komanso chopanda chilichonse.
Mabanja ogwirizana amawoneka bwino m'mafilimu ndi m'mabuku. Kunena zowona, ngakhale amene ali ndi maubwenzi apamtima ayenera kulolerana zina kapena zina. Njira yodutsira izi ndikukhala ndi kuzindikira zomwe mukuyembekezera. Chofunika kwambiri, dziwani kuti si malamulo omwe mnzanuyo ayenera kukhala nawo. Komanso, dzifunseni nokha - kodi mukuchita zomwe amayembekezera mu maubwenzi?
Kunena zoona, palibe zoyembekezeka zabwino kapena zolakwika, bola mukuona zenizeni ndikudziwa momwe mungayendetsere. Koma kachiwiri, mawu oti 'zenizeni' amakhalanso omvera. Zomwe zili zenizeni ndi zomveka kwa wina, sizingakhale choncho kwa wina.
Pamapeto pake, zomwe zimagwira ntchito ndi chemistry yanu ndi mgwirizano. Ngati maziko a ubale wanu ndi olimba, ndiye kuti zomwe mukuyembekezera sizikupanga kusiyana.
Ibibazo
M'malo mwake, ziyembekezo zimakhala zabwino komanso zathanzi m'maubwenzi chifukwa zimakupatsirani njira zina zomwe muyenera kutsatira. Mukakhala ndi zoyembekeza, mumayesa ndikuzikwaniritsa, ndikukhazikitsa zolinga za ubale munthawiyo. Zoyembekeza zabwino, zenizeni zimawonjezera phindu ku maubwenzi.
Zoyembekeza sizimawononga ubale, kusayendetsa bwino malingaliro anu ndi zotsatira zake zosakwaniritsidwa ndizo zimawononga ubalewo. Komanso, pamene ziyembekezo za okwatirana onse awiri zili zosiyana kwambiri, zomwe zimachokera ku malingaliro osiyana pa nkhani zomwezo, zimayambitsa mikangano ndi mikangano. Komanso, kusakwaniritsa zomwe mukuyembekezera mobwerezabwereza kungayambitse kukhumudwa ndipo pamene zokhumudwitsa zikuwonjezeka, kumabweretsa kusweka kwa ubale.
Ubale wosayembekezeka suyenera kukhalapo. Zikutanthauza kuti mwina mulibe malingaliro ndi mnzanu kapena kuti simukudziwa zomwe mukufuna pamoyo wanu komanso ubale wanu. Ngati mukudziwa zomwe mukufuna, zokhumba zanu ndi zolinga zanu, ziyembekezo zidzakulungidwa mwa iwo.
Funsani za gwero la zomwe mukuyembekezera. Kodi ali athanzi kapena amachokera kumalo osazindikira a 'pain-body'? Kuchita ndi zoyembekeza zosakwaniritsidwa kumafuna kuti muyang'ane mkati ndikuwona zomwe zigawo zake zinali zomveka komanso zomwe sizinali. Kodi zakukhudzani bwanji kapena mmene mukudzionera?
Simufunikanso kuchotsa zoyembekeza mu maubwenzi. Muyenera kuwawongolera bwino. Ndipo izi zikutanthauza kukhala ndi luso loyang'ana zomwe zili zololera ndi zomwe siziri, kuphunzira kuyamikira mnzanuyo ndikuchita bwino pakati pa makhalidwe abwino ndi oipa, ndikudziwa zomwe mukufuna kuchokera paubwenzi.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
