"Ndi ubale wotani popanda mikangano ndi mikangano?" amapita momveka bwino. Zimangoganiziridwa kuti ukwati uliwonse kapena ubale wanthawi yayitali umakhala ndi mikangano ndi kukangana. Koma m’pamene mumakangana mosalekeza m’chibwenzi pamene zinthu zimafika popatukana.
Kaya patebulo la chakudya chamadzulo, paphwando, kapena momasuka m’chipinda chawo chogona, maanja ena sangachitire mwina kutero. Izi zitha kuchitika m'njira zosiyanasiyana - kuwukirana kwanu, kunena mawu achipongwe, kukuwa mokweza mpaka kudzutsa anansi anu… Ndipo zonsezi zimasokoneza moyo wanu.
Kukangana kosalekeza muubwenzi kumalanda mtendere wonse. Ngakhale zitakhala zachizoloŵezi ndipo mwinamwake munazoloŵera ukwati wotero, si njira yodzichitira nokha. Werengani kuti mudziwe chifukwa chake maubwenzi ena amawoneka kuti sakutha komanso momwe mungalekerere kukangana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu nthawi ndi nthawi.
Zifukwa za Mikangano ya Ubwenzi
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Wokondedwa wanu ndi amene mumayandikana naye kwambiri. Mukugawana mosiyana mitundu ya maubwenzi nawo, khalani nawo, ganizirani kwambiri za iwo, ndipo ali mbali ya zakale, zamakono, ndi zamtsogolo. Kodi kukula kwa kulumikizanaku kwayamba pa inu? Kuyandikana uku ndi kosangalatsa… Koma kumakupatsiraninso zinthu zokwanira zotsutsana.
Kutengera gawo la ubale wanu (ndi kulimba kwake), mudzakangana ndi mnzanu. Mkangano ungakhale waufupi pa chinthu chaching’ono kapena ukhoza kukhala mkangano waukulu. Koma kodi okwatirana amakangana chiyani? Nazi zifukwa zofala:
- Kupanda kuyesetsa: Panthawi ina muubwenzi, aliyense ayenera kumverera kuti akudzipereka kwambiri kuposa wokondedwa wake. Mkangano umayamba ndi, "Simungathe ngakhale kundichitira izi?" Nthawi zambiri, maanja amayambanso kusunga zigoli
- Zovuta zatsiku ndi tsiku: Ukhondo, ukhondo, ntchito zapakhomo, kusamalira ana (ngati zilipo), kugaŵana udindo ndi zina zotero zingakhale nkhani ya mkangano kwa maanja. Mikangano imeneyi imakhala yofala kwambiri m’maubwenzi anthaŵi yaitali kapena m’mabanja
- Nkhani zachuma: Ngati m'modzi ndi wowononga ndalama pomwe winayo amasunga ndalama, sizitengera zambiri kuti mkangano uyambike. Kukangana kotereku kumatha kuthetsedwa ndi kusagwirizana ndi kusintha kwa zizolowezi kuchokera mbali zonse ziwiri
- Njira zosiyanasiyana: N’zoona kuti anthu awiri saonana chilichonse. Koma pamene njira za okwatirana zochitira zinthu zikakhala zosiyana kwambiri, kusiyanako kumakhala kosatheka. Mwinamwake amaona zinthu zambiri zoseketsa, pamene iye ali wokhudzidwa kwambiri
- Kugonana: Kugwirizana pakugonana ndipo kukhutitsidwa n’kofunika kwambiri paubwenzi wabwino. Ichi ndichifukwa chake maanja amakangana pazomwe zimachitika pakati pa mapepala. Mwinamwake wokondedwa ndi wadyera pabedi, kapena pali kusowa kwa malire ofotokozera kugonana
Mutha kungoyamba kuyeza kuwonongeka komwe kwachitika mphepo yamkuntho ikadutsa. N’chimodzimodzinso ndi kukangana kosalekeza muubwenzi. Tiyeni tione mmene.
Kodi Kukangana Kokhazikika Paubwenzi Kumakhudza Bwanji?
Esther Perel, katswiri wa zachipatala, wolemba ndiponso wokamba nkhani, ananena kuti kukangana ndi “nkhondo yoopsa kwambiri.” Ndipo nkhondo imakhudza umunthu wanu. Mukakhala mukukangana kosalekeza pachibwenzi, simumangokhudza malingaliro anu komanso thupi lanu.
In phunziro yochitidwa ndi The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, zinatsimikiziridwa kuti maanja omwe amamenyana kwambiri amakhala ndi mwayi wovutika ndi matumbo otayira kumene mabakiteriya amatulutsidwa m'magazi. Chifukwa chake, matenda omwe amayambitsa kutupa akuwonjezeka.
Malinga ndi American Psychological Association, mu 2019, chisudzulo ku America chinali 50% pomwe chisudzulo chimodzi chimanenedwa masekondi 13 aliwonse. Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, zinapezeka kuti kukangana kosalekeza mu chiyanjano kunali chachiwiri kwambiri adatchula chifukwa (pafupifupi 56%) cha kusudzulana pakati pa maanja. Ngati mumaganiza kuti kukangana kosalekeza ndi kukangana ndizofanana pamaphunzirowo, ziwerengerozi ziyenera kukupatsani malingaliro ofunikira.
Izi zikusonyeza kuti maubwenzi omwe mwamuna ndi mkazi akudwala matenda otsegula m'mimba, komanso pamene nyumba ikufanana ndi dzenje la WWF, sizikhala nthawi yaitali. Komanso, mikangano yaubwenzi imayambitsa zowawa, kupsinjika maganizo ndi matenda akuthupi. Apa ndi momwe mungapulumutsire vutoli ndikusiya kumenyana nthawi zambiri.
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Nthawi zambiri, zimanenedwa kuti ndewu zimayamba pa tsiku lachitatu kapena lachinayi. Koma ndithudi, n’zosatheka kunena motsimikiza. Nthawi zina nthawi yonse ya chibwenzi imayenda bwino… Ndipo mwadzidzidzi mumazindikira kuti simungathe kupirira mutalowa m'banja. Ndipamene kusiyana kumayamba kumene kumayambitsa mikangano pang'onopang'ono. Kukangana kumeneku kumabweretsa machesi akulu akufuula ndi zitseko zomenyetsa.
Ngakhale kuti ndewu zina zimakhala zosapeweka, chofunika n’chakuti mupewe mikangano yaing’ono m’mabwenzi. Cholinga chanu chiyenera kukhala kuyesa kuthetsa kusiyana ndi okondedwa wanu ndi kuthana ndi mikangano mwachilungamo, ndi kukhwima ndi kumvetsa. Nazi malingaliro angapo:
1. Kodi ndingasiye bwanji kukangana ndi mnzanga? Zindikirani ndi kupewa machitidwe
N’chifukwa chiyani timakangana kwambiri? Kaya ndi maubwenzi a m’banja kapena mbali zina za moyo, yankho la funsoli lili m’machitidwe. Nthawi zambiri, timalimbana kosatha ndi zochitika zakale zomwe sitingathe kuzisiya. Mavuto akale kapena maubwenzi amabweretsedwa mu ndewu zamakono, zomwe zimasokoneza zinthu. Nthawi zambiri anthu amangoganizira za vuto lomwe lilipo pamene mukuyenda movutikira.
Chifukwa china ndi pamene mumapewa kukangana pachiyambi ndikulola kuti mavuto akule ndi chipale chofewa kukhala chinthu chachikulu. Ichi ndi chizindikiro cha mavuto olumikizirana zomwe ndi vuto la ubale uliwonse. Ndipo chofunika kwambiri, ndewu imakhala yoipa kwambiri pamene okwatirana akupikisana kuti amve. Zokambirana zikasanduka mikangano ya Fox News, imasiya kukhala yapachiweniweni.
2. Chokani zisanavute
Kutentha kukachuluka, chokanipo. Ngati nonse muli ndi vuto kulamulira mkwiyo wanu, pangani pangano kumayambiriro kwa ukwati: M’modzi wa inu amachokapo mukakangana. Ndi njira yothandiza kusiya nthawi yomweyo kukangana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu.
Nthawi zambiri ndewu imayambika ndi m'modzi ndipo imakula ngati winayo ayankha chimodzimodzi. Ngati mnzanu wachiwiriyo wakana kukangana kulikonse, vuto likhoza kutha. Samalani nthawi yomwe zinthu sizikuyenda bwino. Tengani mpweya pang'ono ndikusankha kuchokapo.
3. Lekani kukhala odzitchinjiriza ndi otsutsa
Esther Perel akuti kudzudzula ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zazikulu zomwe zimapha ubale. "Kudzudzula nthawi zonse kumatulutsa zosiyana ndi zomwe timafuna muubwenzi, zomwe ndi chikondi ndi ulemu." Munjira yovuta, mukuchita, osasinkhasinkha. Ndiyeno maganizo anu ndi oipa. Perel akuwonjezera kuti kutsutsidwa kumakhala paphiri la zosowa ndi zikhumbo zosakwaniritsidwa. Kuyankha, osachitapo kanthu, ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zakale kwambiri padziko lapansi kuti musiye kukangana kosalekeza muubwenzi.
4. Yang'anani momwe mukumvera, osati mikangano yowonekera
Mphunzitsi wa moyo Jay Cadet akunena kuti ndizokhumudwitsa kwambiri kulimbana ndi zinthu zomwezo. Mwamuna akamanena kuti, 'Mkazi wanga amafuna ndewu nthawi zonse' ndipo mkaziyo ayankha kuti, 'Amayambitsa ndewu dala', kwenikweni akuimbana mlandu. Zotsutsa zamalonda sizinathandizepo ubale. Zingatheke bwanji kusunthitsa mlandu kulimbikitsa kukula?
Cadet anati: “Mukamatsutsa kuti mnzanuyo sakutsuka mbale, ndiye kuti vuto si mbale, koma chifukwa chakuti akukuchirikizani mokwanira.” Choncho yesetsani kuthetsa maganizo amene ayambitsa vutolo. Chizolowezichi chingakuthandizeni kusiya kukangana ndi SO wanu tsiku lililonse. Nthawi zonse kumbukirani kuti mikangano mu maubwenzi ili ndi zigawo.
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5. Sizimene ukunena, koma momwe uzinenera;
Kodi pali kusiyana kotani pakati pa kukambirana, kukambirana, ndi ndewu? Ndi phula. Zonse zimadalira momwe mumafotokozera mfundo yanu. Mfundo yomweyi yofuula mokweza ikhoza kukhala ndi zotsatira zosiyana ikanenedwa mofatsa. Ndipo ichi ndi chimodzi mwa makiyi kuti mutonthoze mnzanu wokwiya kapena wopwetekedwa mtima.
Mukasemphana maganizo ndi mnzanu, gwiritsani ntchito kamvekedwe koyenera kuti asayambe kudziteteza nthawi yomweyo. Osaphwanya malire a ubale wabwino, ndipo yesetsani kuti musakweze mawu kwambiri kapena kuti musamazindikire pamene zichitika. Lankhulani pang'onopang'ono kuti tanthauzo la mawu anu likhazikike. Simungaleke kukangana popanda kulankhulana mwachilungamo.
6. Phunzirani luso lomvetsera kuti musiye kumenyana
Kumvetsera ndi luso. Maphunziro osiyanasiyana fotokozani kuti anthu amathera 70 mpaka 80 % ya nthawi yawo akucheza, ndipo 45% mwa iwo amakhala akumvetsera. Tsoka ilo, si anthu ambiri amene amadziwa kumvetsera. Amalankhula za ena, kuwasokoneza, kapena samalembetsa zomwe zikunenedwa.
Kukangana kosalekeza muubwenzi nthawi zambiri kumachitika chifukwa chokondana ndi mawu ake. Yesetsani kumvetsetsa komwe wokondedwa wanu akuchokera (kaya mukugwirizana nazo kapena ayi). Osadumpha, kufananiza liwu ndi liwu, kuti mungonena komaliza. Amvereni ndi malingaliro ndi mtima wotseguka - khalani achifundo ndi oleza mtima ngakhale panthawi ya ndewu mu maubwenzi.
7. Tsatirani lamulo la mphindi 30
Brad Browning, mphunzitsi wothetsa banja komanso kusudzulana, akupereka malangizo othandiza omwe amawatcha kuti lamulo la mphindi 30. Zogwirizana kwambiri ndi sitepe yomwe ili pamwambayi, izi zikuphatikizapo kutenga mphindi 30 musanalowe mu zokambirana zomwe zingakhumudwitse. Ndi momwe mungapewere a limbana kuti usakhale wofunika kwambiri kuposa ubale.
“Zimakupatsirani malingaliro abwino, ndipo mungasiye lingaliro la mkangano,” akutero Browning. Ngati simukugwirizana kapena muli ndi mavuto, ndewu sizingapeweke. Koma kutenga nthawi yopuma kungakuthandizeni kuti mtima wanu ukhale pansi ndi kulola kuti maganizo akhazikike, zimene zimakuthandizani kuti muzikambirana momveka bwino osati mokwiya.”
8. Yesetsani kukonza pambuyo pa mikangano paubwenzi
Kotero, mwamenyana. Zitha kukhala zoyipa. Kukangana kosalekeza muubwenzi kungakhale chinthu chokhazikika m'moyo wanu; kuti mupewe kukhala zowononga, onetsetsani kuti dongosolo lopanga likhale lamphamvu kuposa kumenyana. Ngati mkangano wanu wokwezeka komanso woyipa watha mwanjira ina, nonse muyenera kudzilipira nokha.
Onerani kanema, kukumbatirana, kapena idyani chakudya chamadzulo momwe mungapeze nthabwala kuti museke. Kapena kugonana! Chinyengo chakale chosagona mokwiya chimakhala chowona. Kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yabwino pamodzi ndi njira yabwino yofalitsira kukangana kulikonse kotsalira. Psompsonani ndi kupangana ndi mnzanu kuti musiye kukangana nawo pafupipafupi.
9. Lekani kupereka ziwopsezo
Pakakhala kukangana kosalekeza muubwenzi, palinso ziwopsezo zokhazikika - kusiya mnzake kapena kudzivulaza. Mawu onga akuti 'Ndipereka chisudzulo' kapena 'Ndidziwombera ndekha ngati mupitiriza' anganenedwe panthawi yotentha. Tonse timadziwa mwambiwu mawu ndi amphamvu. Yakwana nthawi yoti musiye kupereka ziwopsezozi.
Iwo kusiya kwambiri subconscious zimakhudza mnzako maganizo ndipo akhoza kuchita zoipa. Choopsa china ndi chakuti ngati nthawi zonse mumachita chidwi kwambiri, mnzanuyo akhoza kungosiya kukuonani mozama. Mulimonsemo, ndi kutaya kwanu. Zowopseza zikuwonetsa kusakhwima kwamalingaliro komanso kusatetezeka kumapeto kwanu.
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10. Funsani thandizo kwa phungu
Sikophweka kuthetsa mikangano muubwenzi mwabata ndi kumvetsetsa. Ndewu zonse zimatengera mkwiyo komanso kukwiyira komwe mumapeza, kucheperako ndi mwayi wanu wakuyanjanitsidwa. Njira zonse zomwe tafotokozazi sizingachitike ngati pali mikangano yokhazikika pachibwenzi.
Ngati palibe chomwe chimagwira ntchito ndipo mukufuna kupulumutsa banja lanu, ndi bwino kufunafuna a thandizo la mlangizi. Mwina sangathe kuthetsa vuto lanu, koma akhoza kukuthandizani kuti muwone bwino ndikuzindikira zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano muubwenzi. Monga tanenera kale, ndewu ndizofala; ndipo nthawi zina, zimakhala bwino kukhala ndi zosiyana.
Ukwati kapena unansi wautali umafuna khama ndi kusamaliridwa kosatha. Kuphunzira kupewa kukangana kosalekeza muubwenzi ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti ukhalebe wamoyo komanso wathanzi.
Ibibazo
Ndewu ndi zachilendo mu ubale uliwonse koma kumenyana tsiku lililonse si. Nthawi iliyonse mukamenyana ndi kukangana, pali kusamvana komwe kumapangidwa. Mutha kudziwa momwe mungabwezeretsere pambuyo pake, koma pakapita nthawi, zoyipazo zitha kupitilira zabwino zaukwati wanu. Mikangano ndi kusagwirizana ndi gawo limodzi laukwati koma muyenera kulumikizana ndikulumikizana pachimake.
Kulimbana kosalekeza muubwenzi kumatanthauza kuti ubalewo ndi wamoyo komanso wokangalika. Ndiko kuyang'ana pa izo kupyolera mu lens yabwino. Chofunika apa ndi chakuti ndi nkhani ziti zomwe mumalimbana nazo, kamvekedwe kanji kamene mukumenyana, ndipo mumathetsa bwanji kusamvana? Ngati ndewu zanu zanthawi zonse zimakhala zachipongwe, zonyozetsa, ndi zamwano, ndiye kuti pali chinachake cholakwika.
Amati ngati mukukangana kanayi kapena kasanu, sikuli koipa. Padzakhala zokambirana nthawi zonse pomwe simungagwirizane kapena kukhala ndi kusiyana maganizo pa za wokondedwa wanu. Izi zingayambitsenso kukangana pang'ono. Koma ngati mukulimbana kwambiri ndi nkhani zazing'ono ndipo zimapanga chipale chofewa kukhala chinthu chachikulu, zikutanthauza kuti vuto lenileni lili kwina.
Anthu okwatirana akhoza kukhala limodzi pokhapokha ngati amalemekezana kwambiri. Ngati ndewu zanthawi zonse zimakhala zaumwini, zowopseza komanso ngati pali lingaliro lakumenyedwa mwakuthupi, ndiye kuti zidzatsogolera ku makhothi achisudzulo.
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