"Kupweteka kumakupangitsani kukhala wamphamvu, mantha amakupangitsani kukhala wolimba mtima, ndipo kusweka mtima kumakupangitsani kukhala wanzeru" - Osadziwika. Aliyense amene wanena izi watisiyira upangiri wabwino kwamuyaya womwe ungathe kupitilira masiku ovuta kwambiri pambuyo pa kusweka mtima kwakukulu. Inde, kuzindikira kuti zonse zatha pakati pa inu ndi munthu amene mumamukonda ndi mtima wanu wonse zimapweteka kwambiri. Zoyipa kwambiri, kuti zitha kumva ngati kutha kwa dziko. Koma dziwani kuti, si zonse zomwe zatayika. Chifukwa chake siyani kuyang'ana mbiri yawo yapa TV ndikudzimvera chisoni. Lero, mutha kuphunzira zomwe muyenera kuchita mutathetsa chibwenzi.
Tsatirani upangiri uwu kuti muyambitse ulendo wanu wosweka mtima, ndikupita mtsogolo ndi mmwamba. Ife tikuzimvetsa izo. Munthu amene mumamukonda ndi kumukhulupirira akakuswani mtima wonse, palibenso chimene chimamveka. Mumathera masiku anu kuyesa kudzaza kusowa kwamalingaliro ndi chakudya, kulira m'maso mwanu, kuwonera makanema omwe mumakonda kuwonera limodzi, ndikuchita chilichonse kupatula kuyesa kupita patsogolo ndi moyo wanu.
Zoonadi, kukhala ndi chibwenzi pambuyo pa chibwenzi kungaoneke ngati chinthu chomaliza. Kuyambitsa ubale wina movutikira, kutsegulira munthu wina, koma mtima wako udaponderezedwanso? Ayi, zikomo, bwana. Koma, khalani oona mtima ndi inu nokha. Mnyamata/msungwana amene mwangokumana naye akuwoneka wokongola, sichoncho? Ngati muli pa mpanda ndipo simukudziwa choti muchite, musadandaule. Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa uphungu wopatukana ndi kusudzulana, ali pano kuti akuthandizeni kupeza njira yopitira patsogolo.
Kodi Mungathetse Bwanji Chibwenzi?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Ena amakhala ndi mtima wamwala pambuyo pa kusweka koyipa ndipo ambiri safuna kudutsa njira yopezera wina watsopano ndikuyambanso kukondana. Mwinanso mungayambe kuganiza kuti masewera onse a ubale si anu ndi kutaya chiyembekezo. Pomwe ena amazolowera kukhala pachibwenzi kotero kuti amatha kulumphira pachibwenzi patatha mwezi umodzi atasweka osaganizira zotsatira zake. Inde, mayanjano obwerezabwereza. Zomwe sizimatha bwino.
Ndiye mungachite chiyani kuti mutsimikizire kuti simukugwedezeka kwambiri pamene mukuyamwitsa mtima wosweka? Shazia akufotokoza kuti: “Kuti muthetse chibwenzi ndi kuyambanso chibwenzi, muyenera kudzifunsa poyamba.
Ubale woipa ndi gawo lofunikira la moyo lomwe limakuphunzitsani zambiri za zomwe mukufuna m'tsogolomu. Mukungofunika malangizo ochepa kuti akuthandizeni panjira yanu. Ndicho chifukwa chake inu muli pano. Tiyeni tiwone momwe mungayendere gawo lanu lotha kutha. Ndi zinthu ziti zomwe simuyenera kuchita mukatha kutha, komanso zomwe muyenera kuchita.
Zoyenera Kuchita Pambuyo pa Kusudzulana Kuti Mupitirize? 9 Njira Zotsatira
Ndiye, ndi njira ziti zotsatila kuti musiyane ndi malingaliro opweteka ndikudziyika nokha paulendo wodzikonda ndi kuchiritsa? Choyamba, kumvetsetsa kuti n'kosavuta kwambiri mverani chisoni mutatha kupatukana. Kubwereranso pachibwenzi pambuyo pa kutha kungakhale kovuta. Ndizodziwika bwino ngati simukufuna kukhala pachibwenzi patatha mwezi umodzi mutasiyana. M'malo mwake, anthu ambiri amasiya malingaliro odziyika okha kwakanthawi ndikudziganizira okha kapena ntchito zawo. Ndi njira yabwino yothandizira kuchira kwanu mukatha kutha.
Njira yosunthira pa siteji idzakhala pang'onopang'ono. Koma mudzapita patsogolo pang'ono tsiku lililonse ngati mukuyesetsa kudziwa momwe mungathetsere vutoli. Potsirizira pake zidzachoka pakuwawa komwe kumakugundani m'mawa uliwonse mpaka kukumva dzanzi pang'ono komwe kungabwere nthawi ndi nthawi. Zimakhala zovuta, koma zimakhala bwino.
Mukapeza nokha kukhala okondwa ndi lingaliro la ubwenzi watsopano kapena tsiku loyamba pambuyo kutha m'malo nthawi zonse kuganizira wanu wakale, mukhoza kukhala okonzeka. Posakhalitsa, mudzakumana ndi munthu yemwe samawoneka woyipa, kaya kudzera pa pulogalamu yapa chibwenzi, kusonkhana, kapena kudzera mwa mnzanu yemwe amasewera machesi mu nthawi yawo yaulere. Zomwe zimafanana ndizoti muyenera kudziyika nokha. Kuti muchite izi, muyenera kumvetsetsa zomwe muyenera kuchita mutasiya kuti mupitirize. Nazi njira 9 zothandizidwa ndi akatswiri zomwe zingathandize:
1. Konzani nokha!
Ayi, moyo weniweni si nyimbo ya Coldplay. Palibe amene abwera kudzakukonzani. Musalole malo ochezera a pa Intaneti akupusitseni. Kwa ena, zingakhale zokopa kuyamba chibwenzi ndi munthu atangoyambitsa chibwenzi koma ndi njira yothawira ululu. Ndipo mukachita izi, zinthu zimawonongeka pamapeto pake. Kukhala pachibwenzi mutangotha kumene sikuli bwino.
Gwiritsani ntchito nthawi mutatha kupatukana kuti muyang'ane ndikuphunzira zinthu zingapo za inu nokha. Ndi bwino kutenga nthawi kuti mupitirize (zilibe kanthu kuti mutenga nthawi yochuluka bwanji, si mpikisano womwe mukufunikira kuti mupambane). Mukathana ndi malingaliro anu, zambiri kuposa moyo wanu wa chibwenzi udzakhala wabwino kwambiri. Tiyeni tsopano tipite ku masitepe otsatirawa.
2. Phunzirani m'mbuyo
Ex wanu ndi ex wanu pazifukwa. Ziribe kanthu momwe zowawa zapambuyo-kusweka zimakupangitsani kumva ngati dziko lanu lonse, m'malo molola chikhumbo kukusambitsani, ganizirani zomwe zinachititsa kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo musokonezeke komanso ngati nkhani zomwezo zakhudza maubwenzi anu ena m'mbuyomu. Mutha kumangopeza njira mumachitidwe anu muubwenzi kapena mtundu wa anthu omwe mumakopeka nawo.
Mukangozindikira chifukwa chake maubwenzi anu am'mbuyomu sanagwire ntchito, chibwenzi chitatha chidzakhala chosavuta chifukwa mudzadziwa zomwe muyenera kuzipewa. Onetsetsani kuti mukuchita izi musanadziyikenso, makamaka ngati mukuganiza zokhala pachibwenzi pambuyo pa ubale wautali. Chifukwa chake inde, kusanthula zakale zanu pamachitidwe aliwonse ndi chimodzi mwazo zinthu zabwino zoti muchite mukatha kutha.
Marie, katswiri wa zamaganizo wa ku Houston, zinali zovuta kupatukana ndi bwenzi lake lakale Ray. Ziribe kanthu, atatha kupatukana, iye sakanatha kumuikira malire ndipo aŵiriwo ankangokhalira kuloŵana ndi kutuluka m’miyoyo ya wina ndi mnzake. Izi zidachitika mpaka Marie adakhala pansi tsiku lina, ndikuyesa kudziwa chifukwa chomwe zinthu zidali zovuta ndi Ray. Iye anatiuza kuti: “Sindikuganiza kuti Ray ndi munthu woipa, ndi munthu woipa kwa ine.
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3. Ganizirani zomwe mukufuna pambuyo pake
Tikulumbirira iyi ndi sitepe yomaliza yoganiza yomwe muyenera kutenga. Ndilonso yankho kwa: nthawi yayitali bwanji mutakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali muyenera kudikirira kuti mukhale pachibwenzi? Dikirani mpaka mutapeza kuti ndi chiyani chomwe mungafune chotsatira nokha. Ngati mulola zokhumba zanu kusankha, mutha kuwerenganso nkhaniyi pakatha miyezi itatu. Kukhala pachibwenzi mwamsanga mutangotha kutha kungawoneke ngati kukopa koma muyenera kupondaponda mosamala kwambiri.
Palibe vuto kuti musafune kukhala pachibwenzi pambuyo pakutha. Ndibwino kwathunthu ngati mutaya ntchito yanu. Sizingakhale bwino ngati mukungofuna kukhala pafupi ndi abwenzi ndi abale kwa kanthawi, popanda chiyembekezo cha chibwenzi. Pezani nthawi yopuma kwa wakale wanu. Khulupirirani mu mphamvu yakukhala chete pambuyo pakutha, ndikuwona momwe zingakupangitseni kukhala bwino. Kutalikirana nokha ndi kukhala otanganidwa zidzakulepheretsani kupita mu ozungulira wa negativity ndi kukuletsani kuchita chinachake monyanyira pambuyo kutha.
4. Musaope kuyesa china chatsopano kuti mumve bwino
Ubale umapangitsa kuti anthu azidziwikiratu, mwinanso kukhala osasangalatsa. Chizoloŵezi chomwecho chimamveka bwino koma chimakusiyani kuti muvutike kuti mugwire ntchito pamene ubale utha. Kodi mungapitirire bwanji mutatha kusudzulana mukadali m'chikondi, mukufunsa? Chabwino, khalani otanganidwa ndi zinthu zatsopano ndi zochitika momwe mungathere.
Palibe vuto ngati mumamukondabe ndikumusowa wakale wanu, ndizachilengedwe. Koma musalole kuti zikulepheretseni kufufuza zinthu zatsopano ndikuyesera bweretsani moyo wanu pamodzi. Sangalalani pang'ono. Pitani kumaphwando omwe simunachitepo kale, kujowina kalabu, kumana ndi azibale anu kapena achibale anu omwe mumapewa nthawi zonse. Kupita pa tsiku loyamba mutatha kusudzulana kungawoneke ngati kovuta kotero yambani pang'ono ndikungocheza. Mukakulitsa malingaliro anu, mipata yambiri idzabwera momwe mungathere. Mwinanso wokonda watsopano! Kapena ayi, zili bwino.
5. Bwererani kunja uko kuti mupite patsogolo
Kukhala pachibwenzi pambuyo pa chibwenzi kungakhale kosangalatsa kwambiri. Tikudziwa kuti zikadali zovuta kukumana ndi mnyamata kapena mtsikana watsopano mutatha kutha ndikuyamba kukambirana nawo koma ndipamene mapulogalamu a chibwenzi amabwera. Sizinakhalepo zosavuta kupeza zibwenzi zatsopano pa intaneti, makamaka pamene mukuyesera kubwereranso pa kavalo ndikuyamba chibwenzi pambuyo pa ubale wautali. Kupita pachibwenzi pambuyo pa chisudzulo kudzayambitsa mitundu yonse ya malingaliro. Bola ngati inu muli kugwiritsa ntchito zibwenzi moyenera, mudzadutsa zopinga, zonse zamalingaliro ndi zothandiza.
Kupyolera mu mapulogalamu a zibwenzi, mupeza anthu ambiri osangalatsa omwe mungasangalale kucheza nawo. Mudzakhala ndi chisangalalo chopeza chiyembekezo chatsopano, mantha, ndi phindu pambuyo poti mawu anu owopsa akuyankhidwa. Zidzakuchitiraninso zodabwitsa pakudzidalira kwanu, zomwe zikadakhala zikugunda mutatha kupatukana. Ndipo ngati si mapulogalamu a zibwenzi, ingofunsani anzanu apamtima kuti akukhazikitseni ndi munthu wabwino. Ingoonetsetsani kuti musayambe kukhulupirira kuti muli m'chikondi mukangotha basi chifukwa mwayi woti zichitike ndi wochepa.
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6. Kodi mungayambire bwanji kukhala pachibwenzi mwanjira yabwino? Osafanizira!
Ngati pangakhale chibwenzi pambuyo pa malamulo otha kutha, izi zikanakhala pamwamba pa mndandanda. Choncho musachitengere ichi mopepuka. Ndikwachibadwa kuyamba kufananiza anthu atsopano ndi wakale wanu mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu mutangotha kumene. Makamaka ngati mwakhalapo ndi a kutha mwadzidzidzi pambuyo pa ubale wautali, zingakhale zovuta kuti muchotse ex wanuyo m’maganizo mwanu ndi kusakumbukira nthaŵi zabwino zimene munali naye limodzi. Muyenera kudzikumbutsa nokha kuti izi sizingagwire ntchito iliyonse.
"Mukangosiya zowawa ndi mkwiyo mkati mwanu, sitepe iyi idzakhala yosavuta. Dzikhululukireni ndikukhululukirani ngati mukufuna kukhala wathanzi pambuyo posudzulana. Pamene palibe chakukhosi, simungafune ngakhale kufananiza wakale wanu ndi munthu amene muli naye panopa. Pitirizani kukumbukira kuti palibe anthu awiri omwe ali ofanana. Mudzangogwera m'mavuto aakulu a maganizo mosiyana," adatero Shazia.
Kukhala pachibwenzi pambuyo paubwenzi wautali kumakhala kovuta kale, koma poyerekezera, mudzakhala ovuta kupeza bwenzi latsopano, nthawi zonse ndikuyika wanu wakale pa pedestal m'maganizo mwanu. Phunzirani kukhala ndi malingaliro omasuka, musaweruze anthu mwamsanga, ndipo nthawi zonse khalani otsimikiza pamene mukuyesera kupita patsogolo.
7. Osanyalanyaza mbendera zofiira
Zoyenera kuchita mutatha kutha kuonetsetsa kuti simukupeza kuti mukudwala mtima wosweka? Musanyalanyaze mbendera zofiira mu chiyembekezo chanu chachikondi. Ngakhale itakhala imodzi yokha, musanyalanyaze. Osakhazikika chifukwa uli wosungulumwa komanso wachisoni. Tsopano inu mukudziwa zomwe zanu zosokoneza mgwirizano muli, mukhoza kukhala ndi lingaliro la mtundu wa anthu omwe simukugwirizana nawo. Chibwenzi kachiwiri pambuyo chisudzulo adzakusungani inu okondwa lotsatira zotheka bwenzi, koma onetsetsani kuti musatembenuke maso ku zinthu zimene sakhala bwino mu chidwi chanu kupeza chiyambi chatsopano.
Mukufuna kupita patsogolo ndikupeza wina yemwe akufanana ndi vibe yanu kwambiri, osabwerera m'mbuyo ndikupeza kuti muli mu supu. Mbendera zofiira zodziwika bwino zimaphatikizapo chilichonse kuyambira kuyitanira woperekera zakudya poyimba mluzu ku kugonana kwachisawawa, kusakhwima, kudzimva kuti ndi woyenera, kusapezeka kwamalingaliro, zizolowezi zowongolera, kusewera kutentha ndi kuzizira, kapena kutumiza zizindikiro zosakanikirana. Izi ndi zochepa chabe, koma palinso mindandanda yambiri yayitali yomwe mungafune kuyang'ana.
8. Musamakhulupirire mwamsanga, koma musamatsekereze
Pamene muli kunja uko mukuyesera kusuntha kumanja kunjira yopita ku ulemerero, onetsetsani kuti musalole kutengeka mtima ndikudalira munthu woyamba amene abwera kwa inu. Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina mutatha kusudzulana kumakusiyani ndi chidwi chokhala ndi ubale wabwino. Mukufuna kwanu, musaiwale kutenga zinthu mochedwa. Kumbukirani zomwe akunena - opusa okha ndi omwe amathamangira.
Kumbali ina, chizoloŵezi chongotsekera m’thumba chifukwa choopa kuvulazidwanso n’chopanda phindu. Mukudziwa kuchuluka kwa akatswiri azamisala azachipatala amalimbikitsira nkhani yakukanikiza malingaliro anu, sichoncho? Poopa kusweka mtima kotsatira, anthu angachipeze modabwitsa zovuta kukhulupiriranso wina aliyense. Kukhala pachibwenzi pambuyo pa chibwenzi kungakhale kochititsa mantha, koma ndi chiopsezo chomwe muyenera kuchita ngati mutayamba kukonda munthu watsopano. Gawani zakukhosi kwanu ndi okondedwa wanu ndipo onetsetsani kuti sakuganiza kuti mukulakwitsa chifukwa simuwakonda. Lankhulani zakukhosi kwanu.
Shazia akufotokoza kuti: “Tonsefe ndife anthu.
9. Zinthu zomwe simuyenera kuchita mutathetsa chibwenzi: Kukambirana za chibwenzi
Pomaliza, tafika pa mfundo yofunika kwambiri mu upangiri wathu wa zomwe tingachite pambuyo pothetsa banja. Chabwino, ndendende, zomwe simuyenera kuchita, mu nkhani iyi. Palibe choipa kuposa kulankhula za wanu wakale pa tsiku loyamba ndi munthu wina. Kuyimirira kungakhale koipitsitsa koma mumamvetsetsa - osalankhula za wakale wanu.
Izo kokha zikwawa wanu tsiku kunja, kuwapangitsa iwo kuganiza inu simunapite ndi kuti inu simuli okonzeka kanthu komabe, kuonetsetsa kuti inu simupeza kuitana kwa tsiku lachiwiri. Izi ndithudi ndi chibwenzi chimodzi pambuyo pa kutha kwa lamulo lomwe simungathe kulithetsa. Ngati mukuona ngati simungathe kudzithandiza, mwina simunasunthebe ndipo mukufunikira nthawi yochulukirapo kuti mumve chisoni, kuchiritsa ndi kuchira musanayambe chibwenzi.
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Ndiye, chochita pambuyo pa kutha kwa banja? Musanayambe chibwenzi, choyamba muziganizira mmene mukumvera. Khalani ndi nthawi yachisoni ndikuthetsa ubale womwe wataya. Onetsetsani kuti mwachira musanalowe pulogalamu ya zibwenzi kapena kukumana ndi anthu atsopano. Monga tidanenera koyambirira kwa nkhaniyi, "... ndipo kusweka mtima kumakupangitsa kukhala wanzeru". Simunayambenso kuyambira pachiyambi. Si rodeo yanu yoyamba. Ndinu wodziwa zambiri tsopano, wokhala ndi nzeru zapambuyo pakutha. Gwiritsani ntchito bwino.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Kuchiza m'maganizo nthawi zonse ndi sitepe yoyamba yopita patsogolo. Onetsetsani kuti mukuchita zonse kuti muthandizire kuchira kwanu
- Osabisala mu chipolopolo kwa nthawi yayitali ndikuyesera kubwereranso komweko kuti mukakumane ndi anthu atsopano
- Lekani kufananiza wakale wanu ndi munthu amene mukumuonayo, zimangokulitsa vuto lanu
- Mukakhala okonzeka kuyamba kuonana ndi anthu atsopano, yesetsani kuti musakambirane nawo kwambiri wakale wanu
Ndani akudziwa kuti mungapeze wina amene angasamalire mtima wanu, kuposa momwe mumaganizira. Ndipo chofunika kwambiri, dzikhululukireni chifukwa cha gawo lanu pakutha. Ndipo pamene mwakonzeka? Chabwino…dzukani, valani, onetsani. Wina wanu wofunikira akukuyembekezerani!
Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Novembala 2022.
Ibibazo
Nthawi imasiyanasiyana munthu ndi munthu, koma posachedwa ngati mukufanizira anthu ndi wakale wanu. Ngati simunasamukebe, osavomera kutha, ndipo ngati mukukwiyira wakale wanu, ndizovuta kwambiri kuti muyambe chibwenzi pambuyo pa kutha.
Ubwenzi ukakhala wovuta ngati kutha, ndizokayikitsa kuti ungabwezeretsedwe kumasiku ake akale aulemerero. Pambuyo pakutha, maubwenzi amakhala ofooka, ndipo nthawi zambiri, chifukwa cha kusweka koyambirira kumabweretsa mutu woyipa, ndikuthamangitsa okondedwawo posachedwa.
Ngati mukuganiza kuti mwapeza munthu amene mungathe kumanga naye ubale wabwino, kungakhale koyenera kuyesa. Muyenera kuwonetsetsa kuti simunakhalebe ndi nkhawa chifukwa chakutha kwanu komanso kuti mwasuntha. Mukapeza mtendere ndi kutha kwanu ndipo musaphonye wakale wanu, ndizabwinobwino kuyamba kubwerera kunja uko.
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
