21 Iimpawu Ezifihlakeleyo Umtshato Wakho Usengxakini

Ixesha elitsha losasazo lweendaba zentlalo kunye ne-intanethi lizise ukwanda kolwazi kunye nokuzibonakalisa kwaye, ngenxa yoko, abantu besi sizukulwana baye bazi ngakumbi kwaye banenkxalabo xa kukho iimpawu zomtshato wakho usengxakini. Ngokungafaniyo nexesha labazali noomakhulu nootatomkhulu bethu, umtshato ngowokuzinikela ngakumbi kunembopheleleko kwizibini ezitshatileyo zenkulungwane yama-21.

Iyavakala into yokuba inani loqhawulo-mtshato kwilizwe lethu liye landa ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ngoku ka manani, malunga ne-50% yemitshato ngo-2022 iya kuphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato. Ngokuzimela ngokwasezimalini ukudubula phezulu phakathi kwabasetyhini kunye nengqondo ekhulayo self ngokubanzi, izibini ezimbalwa kule mihla bayavuma ukuhlala kwimitshato emanyumnyezi. Kwaye ukuba kukho ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo okanye ubundlobongela basekhaya obubandakanyekayo, nabani na onenkxaso efanelekileyo kunye neendlela banokufuna ukuphuma endaweni yokunyamezela zonke iiflegi ezibomvu.

Ukuba uzifumana uhleli kumandlalo wakho uphazamisekile emva komnye umjikelo ombi wokuxambulisana neqabane lakho, ubuza impilo yobudlelwane bakho, kuya kufuneka wazi iimpawu zomtshato obhubhayo. Ukukunika iimbono ezixabisekileyo ngalo mba, siye sathetha nososayikholoji Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ojongene ne-CBT, i-REBT, kunye neengcebiso zesibini.

21 Iimpawu Ezifihlakeleyo Umtshato Wakho Usengxakini

Ngaba kukho ilizwi ngasemva kwentloko yakho elihlala likukhathaza ukuba kukho into ethile kubudlelwane bakho efuna ukulungiswa? Umtshato ngamnye utyhubela amabala arhabaxa maxa wambi kodwa loo nto ayithethi kuthi isiphelo sentsebenziswano yenu. Unako ukumelana nomtshato oneengxaki ngokunikela ingqalelo kwiingxaki kunye nomgudu owongezelelekileyo wokuyilungisa loo meko.

Phambi kokuba kube kade kakhulu, ukuqaphela iimpawu ezilumkisayo ze umtshato uyaqhekeka ibaluleke kakhulu. Imitshato inokuba ngumceli mngeni - Ngapha koko, xa uchitha ubomi bakho bonke kunye nomntu, kuya kufuneka kubekho uthotho lwezimvo, indelelo, ukungaqondani, kunye nemilo emininzi.

Noko ke, eminye imitshato ibonakala ineengxaki ngokufuthi kuneminye. Ezo ngxaki zomtshato zinokususela kwiingxaki zonxibelelwano ziye kukutyeshela inkangeleko/impilo yakho nokungabi nabuhlobo. Kodwa ungakhathazeki; silapha ukukunceda ubone le miqondiso kwaye ngethemba usindise umtshato wakho. Nazi iimpawu ezingama-21 ezifihlakeleyo umtshato wakho usengxakini. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iingxaki zoNxibelelwano kuBudlelwane – Iindlela ezili-11 zokoyisa

1. Ubuqaphela iingxaki zonxibelelwano

Unxibelelwano likhonkco elibalulekileyo kwimpumelelo okanye ukungaphumeleli kwalo naluphi na uhlobo lobudlelwane. Olunye lweempawu zokuqala umtshato wakho usengxakini kuxa izibini ziqala ukunxibelelana kancinci nangakumbi omnye komnye. Umphengululi obalaseleyo kunye nonjingalwazi weYunivesithi yaseFlorida State, uFrank D. Fincham, ubhala kweyakhe incwadi, Incwadi yeRoutledge yoNxibelelwano loSapho, “Abanyangi bomtshato bakwagqala unxibelelwano olungafanelekanga njengeyona ngxaki ixhaphakileyo neyingozi abajamelana nayo emsebenzini wabo nezibini.”

nandita Uthi: “Emtshatweni, iingxaki zonxibelelwano zisenokubonakala njengokukhala, ukugxekana, ukugxekana ngezona zinto zincinane, ukuphoxa xa uphendula yaye uxhaphaza abanye abantu. unyango cwaka. Imvelaphi yemiba isukela emva kumaqabane aneembono ezahlukeneyo kwinkalo ethile kulwalamano lwabo njengemali, ubudlelwane bobuqu, okanye izigqibo zokukhulisa umntwana. Yaye xa ezi yantlukwano zingaconjululwa okanye ziconjululwe ngendlela ebhetele, oko kubangela iingxaki zonxibelelwano.”

Izizathu ezihlanu eziphambili zokungabikho konxibelelwano emitshatweni zichazwe ngezantsi:

• ukungazi
• Ukungahloniphi
• Ukunqongophala kothando
• Ukwaneliseka
• ubuxoki

2. Ufumana iimpawu zokuqala zokuxhatshazwa emtshatweni wakho

Le yenye yezinto zokuqala ekufuneka uzijonge xa ​​uvavanya ukuba umtshato wakho usemngciphekweni kusini na. UCara, ugqirha waseChicago, usichazela oku, “Ndabaxelela abahlobo bam ukuba ndicinga ukuba umtshato wentombi yam usengxakini. Kodwa ndandingazi ukuba ndingawuxubusha njani lo mbandela naye. Ngoko ndamthumelela ividiyo ethetha ngokuxhatshazwa kwasekhaya, ndaza ndathetha ngendlela abantwana abafanele babaxelele ngayo abazali babo xa kukho iimpawu zokuqala zengxaki emtshatweni wabo, nokuba abazali bafanele babakholelwe abantwana babo ukuze bangakhokeleli kukuxhatshazwa nangayiphi na indlela.”

Wongeza ngelithi, “Kulapho wavula khona imbilini yakhe, ndothuka, ngoko nangoko ndamcela ukuba abuyele ekhaya saza salungiselela ukululekwa kwabatshatileyo kungekudala emva koko.” Ukuba umntu omaziyo uhamba ngeendlela ezimbalwa zokuqala ezifihlakeleyo iimpawu zokuba kubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo, bancede bathabathe amanyathelo ayimfuneko ukuze bakhuseleke. Oku kunokuba yimiqondiso efana nale:

• Ukulahla: Ukukhanyela kubandakanya umxhaphazi ukuluphepha uxanduva lwakhe kwaye enze ixhoba lizive ngathi zonke iingxaki ziyimpazamo yakhe
• Ukukhwaza: Oku kunokuba yinto eqhelekileyo kwingxabano kwaye kunokwenza incoko ingabi nangqondo
• Ukulayita igesi: Ukukhanyisa igesi kubandakanya umxhaphazi okwenza ukuba ixhoba lithandabuze inkumbulo yalo, isigwebo kunye nokuzinza kwengqondo. Amaqhinga anokulithoba kancinane ixhoba kwaye libangele ukuba liwe

3. Uxhomekeke ngokweemvakalelo kwabanye, hayi iqabane lakho

Nangona kunempilo ukuba nayo unxibelelwano ngokweemvakalelo nabantu abangaphandle kobudlelwane bakho, kodwa kwezinye iimeko, inokuba luphawu lomtshato oqhawukileyo. Usenokuba ubona ezona ngxaki zimbi zomtshato ukuba uzifumana uhlala ukhalaza ngeqabane lakho kumntwana wakho okanye kumhlobo osondeleyo endaweni yokuxoxa ngemiba yakho neqabane lakho kwaye ujonge izisombululo ezisebenzayo.

Ngokusisiseko, uziphanga wena kunye neqabane lakho amandla okuphuhlisa ukuqonda ukuba ufumanisa ukuba ukhulula iingxaki zakho zomtshato komnye umntu. Nokuba anikhalazi ngenene, umsantsa wengqondo ophakathi kwenu nobabini ubonakala ubonakala ngakumbi kusuku ngalunye oludlulayo. Awuhlali nje kwaye uncokole malunga nosuku lwakho, wabelane nge-ofisi yamva nje yokuhleba, okanye uzive ukhululekile ngokwaneleyo ukubabonisa icala lakho elisengozini. Ukungabikho kolwalamano olusenyongweni kuthetha lukhulu ngemeko engcangcazelayo yolwalamano lwakho lomtshato.

4. Ukhe warhoxa kusapho nabahlobo

Ukuba awukwazi ukuyiyeka loo mvakalelo yokukrazula yokuba iqabane lakho litsala kancinane kuwe kunye nosapho, akubonakali kuthembisa kakhulu kulwalamano lwakho. Okubi nangakumbi kukuba, isenokuba yenye yeempawu ezilumkisayo ngoqhawulo-mtshato. Ngokubhekiselele kuthi, akukho mntu kumtshato osempilweni onokuzikhwebula kumaqabane akhe, ngaphandle kokuba baziva bengathandwa okanye xa kungekho nto iseleyo kubudlelwane babo.

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba wonke umntu ufuna indawo yokuphefumla kuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane ngamaxesha athile. Nangona kunjalo, ukurhoxa ngokupheleleyo kusapho kunye nabahlobo nguwe omnye wenu uphawu lomtshato ongonwabanga. Ukuyicombulula le ngxaki, zama ukuchitha ixesha neqabane lakho nize nithethe ngoko kwenzekayo ebomini balo nesizathu sokuba lizive liqhawukile. 

5. Ukungayihoyi inkangeleko nokuzilungisa kubonisa umtshato oneengxaki

Ukuba akuyikhathalele inkangeleko yakho, loo nto isenokuba ngumqondiso wokuba umtshato wakho ufuna umsebenzi othile. Awusabeki kumzamo wokuba ube ngoyena ubalaseleyo kubudlelwane. Usenokunxiba ngendlela enenjongo ngendlela eyenza iqabane lakho likufumanise ungathandeki, ukuze uphephe ukusondelelana. Kwimeko nayiphi na into, ukungakhathali malunga nendlela okhangeleka ngayo luphawu olufihlakeleyo lokungabi namdla wakho ekujongeni kakuhle iqabane lakho, okanye wena. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Kutheni amadoda ejonga abanye abafazi - 23 Izizathu zokwenyani nezinyanisekileyo

6 Selixesha elide nithandana

Ubudlelwane obufipheleyo phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho luphawu lokuba kukho undonakele. Ayithethi nangesondo kuphela. Ukuba anisaphululana, anisawolani, okanye anisaphathani ngothando, lolunye lweempawu ezibonisa ukuba umtshato wenu usengxakini. UNandita uthi, “Ukungabikho ngokupheleleyo kwayo yonke indlela yokuthandana ngokwasemzimbeni, kokubini ngesondo kunye nokungabelani ngesondo, kufuneka kulungiswe kwangethuba.

"Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba wenze isigqibo, kufuneka uqale uvavanye inqanaba lobudlelwane ungaphakathi. Kuba uhlobo oluthile lwezigulo okanye ukwaluphala ngokwemvelo kunokuthomalalisa ubomi bakho obusenyongweni. Ukuba sele kuyiminyaka emininzi emtshatweni apho omabini amaqabane akhululekile kunye nobudlelwane obuncinane bomzimba, akuyongxaki.

“Xa elinye iqabane lifuna ukusondelelana ngakumbi ngokwasemzimbeni lize elinye lingakwazi ukuhambelana nalo okanye alikufuni, kulapho kuvela iingxaki.

Isazi ngesondo esiphezulu saseIndiya kunye nonjingalwazi, uGqr. Rajan Bhonsle, MD, utsho Apha, "Nobabini kufuneka ninxibelelane ngeemfuno zenu zobudlelwane obusondeleyo omnye komnye ngendlela engathandabuziyo nenobubele, ngaphandle kokuvakalisa isimangalo. Iqabane lakho aliyi kuyazi into oyilindeleyo ngexesha lokuthandana ngaphandle kokuba uthethe ngokucacileyo."

7. Awukhe 'uyeke' emsebenzini

Ngoku ka uphando, umsebenzi omninzi wexesha elifutshane kunye nexesha elide uchaphazela kakhulu imitshato. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba akunakuze uphumle uze ukonwabele ixesha lakho lokungabikho emsebenzini ngenxa yokuba uhlala uziva uxinezelekile ngaloo nto, ngoko ngokucacileyo ukwingxaki yomtshato.

Kufuneka ukwazi ukumisa umsebenzi wakho, kwaye uphumle kwaye uzonwabele ngaphandle kokufumana ixhala lomsebenzi imini yonke. Ukuba awukwazi ukuyenza loo nto, oko kubonisa ukuba ungathanda ukutyalwa imali emsebenzini kunokuchitha ixesha neqabane lakho, kwaye inokuba sesinye sezitshixo. iimpawu umtshato wakho uphelile.

8. Anichithi xesha kunye

Ukufumana ixesha lomnye kunokuba nzima ukuba nobabini nihlala nisebenza iiyure zasemva kwexesha, ninyamekela abantwana, okanye nixakeke nje ngokubanzi ngezinye izinto. Ukongeza, nokuba unexesha lasimahla, unokukuphepha ukulichitha neqabane lakho. Iimvakalelo zokuxakwa kunye nengqumbo zinokuvela koku. Unokuqala ukuziva ufana nabantu ohlala nabo kunamaqabane omtshato wakho. Oku kwahlukana kungakhula kube ngumcimbi weemvakalelo okanye mhlawumbi ukungathembeki ngokwasemzimbeni ukuba awulumkanga.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Umtshato ohlala kwigumbi-imiqondiso kunye nendlela yokuyilungisa

9. Ukuba nenzondo luphawu umtshato wakho usengxakini

Ingqumbo yenye yezona zinto zinzima emtshatweni. Uthando lusendleleni yokuphuma kubudlelwane ukuba uzifumana uhlala unenqala ngakumlingani wakho. Iingxabano ezingaconjululwanga zidla ngokuba ngunozala wenzondo, onokuthi ngokukhawuleza ukhule ube ngumsindo oyityhefu nobukrakra. Ugqirha wengqondo oseAustin uGqirha Krista Jordan wabhala kwenye yazo amanqaku, Naluphi na uhlobo lokungcatsha (ngokwemali, ngokwesini, njl.njl.) lunokukhokelela ekubeni nengqumbo.”

UNandita uthi, “Xa ingqumbo iqatsela emtshatweni, andithi sonke isiseko somtshato sisengxakini kodwa imeko yangoku yobudlelwane ayibonakali intle, nokuba ilula kangakanani na, ukuba kukho ingqumbo, khawuleza uqonde ukuba isuka phi na, nithethe ngayo.”

10. Kukho iimpawu zokuqala zokungahloneli omnye komnye

Siya kuwubiza ngokuba ngumtshato onokuba mbi ukuba uzibhaqe uphatha iqabane lakho ngokungenambeko okanye ukuba kukho indelelo kwilizwi leqabane lakho ngawe. Ayizukwenzakalisa nje kuphela ubudlelwane bakho kodwa ekugqibeleni iya kuthoba ukuzithemba kwakho. Umntu okwisiphelo sokufumana unokuqalisa ukucinga ukuba abanto yanto ngenxa yezincomo okanye impoxo ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ezinye eziqhelekileyo iimpawu zokungahloniphi emitshatweni zibhalwe ngezantsi:

• Abanaluxolo kwaye bayazikhusela xa benempazamo
• Bahlala bezama ukutshintsha ubuntu bakho
• Bayasilela ukuzigcina izithembiso zabo

Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba, nawe, uziphatha ngokungenantlonelo imihla ngemihla, lixesha lokuba ubuyele kwaye uphinde uhlolisise umtshato wakho. Ulwalamano olumnandi, olunempilo alunakwakhiwa ngaphandle kwentlonipho. 

11 Iingxabano ezingasonjululwanga zihlala zivela

Ingxabano engaconjululwanga inokuwuphelisa umtshato wakho ukuba awulumkanga. Ukuya ukwakha nokugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo, kubalulekile ukucombulula iingxabano ngobunono, ngokukhawuleza, kwaye rhoqo. Oku kulandelayo zezinye zezinto ezibonisa ukuba kusenokubakho ukungavisisani okungaconjululwa emtshatweni wakho. Kubalulekile ukuphelisa ungquzulwano ukuba nayiphi na kwezi ibonakala iqhelekile:

• Uyakuphepha ukuncokola ngemibandela ethile kuba ulindele ingxabano
• Uphakamisa iingongoma ezifanayo ngokuphindaphindiweyo ungakhange ufikelele kwisigqibo
• Uhlala ulala ucaphukile
• Ufumanisa ukuba uhlala ujonge indlela iqabane lakho eliziphethe ngayo kunye namagama eempawu zokuba alahlekisa okanye 'akulunganga'.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: IiNgcebiso ezisi-7 zeeNgcali zokusombulula iingxabano emtshatweni

12 Nobabini nihlala nixambulisana, ngamanye amaxesha de nibe nempilo enkenenkene

Ukuxambulisana yinto eqhelekileyo kulo naluphi na ulwalamano, kodwa ukuba ayitshintshi, oko kunokubeka uxinzelelo olukhulu kwizibini kwaye kunokukhokelela kwimiba enzulu emitshatweni. Mhlawumbi wena neqabane lakho nihlala nixambulisana ngezinto ezifanayo, okanye ngandlel’ ithile, nikwazi ukuguqula yonke incoko ibe yingxabano, okanye omnye wenu uqhubeka nokumba imiba edlulileyo. Enoba imeko injani na, ukusoloko nixambulisana ngomnye wemiqondiso ebonisa ukuba umtshato wenu usengxakini.

Kanye kunye nokuchaphazela uxolo kunye nengqondo yakho, kunokuba nefuthe elibi kwimpilo yakho yomzimba ngokunjalo. UGqr Janice Kiecolt-Glaser we-Ohio State Wexner Medical Centre kunye neqela lenze a isifundo apho baye bahlolisisa izibini ezitshatileyo ezingama-43 ezinengxubusho yemizuzu engama-20 ngombandela ontununtunu. Ngokusekwe kwisitayile sabo sokuxabana kunye novavanyo lwesampulu yegazi, kwatyhilwa ukuba imitshato enobutshaba ngokwendalo yashiya amaqabane enenqanaba eliphezulu leprotein ebophelelayo ye-LPS nto leyo engumqondiso we-leaky gut syndrome.

13. Ukukruquka kuye kwangena

Ubomi bokwenyani buyangena phakathi kwamaqabane amabini emva kokuba ulonwabo lokuqala lomtshato kunye nehoneymoon luphelile, kwaye inkqubo yemihla ngemihla inokuqala ukuziva iyinto eqhelekileyo. Kubalulekile ukuba uxelele iqabane lakho ukuba ufumana udikwe emtshatweni wakho. Ayikho enye yezona ngxaki zimbi zomtshato, kodwa ukuba ziyatyeshelwa, ukukruquka kusenokuzisa imiba engakumbi yomtshato njengoko kudla ngokuba sisilumkiso esichuliweyo sokuba kukho into engekhoyo kulwalamano.

14. Ukungabikho kwenkxaso yenye imiqondiso umtshato wakho usengxakini

Kubalulekile ukuziva isiseko esomeleleyo inkxaso kubudlelwane. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba uhlala uphendukela kubahlobo nakwizalamane ukuze ufumane uncedo kuneqabane lakho, oko kubonisa ukungabikho kwenkxaso kwicala labo. Kusenokuba lixesha lokuxoxa ngeemfuno zakho kwaye ubone ukuba akukho nto ingatshintsha ukuba awuziva ngathi iqabane lakho liyakuxhasa ngokweemvakalelo. Nantsi into onokuthi uyithethe kubo:

• Endaweni yokuthi "Kufuneka wenze le / leya," zama ukuthi, "Ndifuna ukuba undenzele le / leya." Yibeke phambili imfuno yakho kwingxelo, hayi le 'bangayenzi'
• Ngamanye amaxesha ufuna nje ukuphuma, kodwa iqabane lakho lihlala likunika iingcebiso. Kule meko, yithi, "Ndifuna nje ukuba undimamele"
• Okokugqibela, ungalibali ukuqaphela imizamo yabo. A elula "Enkosi ngokundenzela oku" iya kwenza wonke umahluko

15. Uphila ubomi obahlukeneyo

Xa indoda nomfazi beqalisa ukuphila ngendlela eyahlukileyo, oko kubonisa ukuba umtshato uyawohloka. Nangona kunokuthatha iindlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo, oku kudla ngokubandakanya elinye iqabane elikhula ngaphandle kwelinye. Ngolunye lweempawu ezicacileyo umtshato wakho uphelile njengoko kubonakala ngathi sele nahlukene nangona uhlala phantsi kophahla olufanayo.

Oku kunokuthetha ukuba unokuqhubeka iintsuku ngaphandle kokuba nencoko efanelekileyo neqabane lakho. Ungafumana omnye nomnye ejonge iifowuni zakho kwitafile yokutya endaweni yokuthetha malunga nosuku lomnye. Ngenxa yoko, uzifumana unyanzelekile ukumelana nokuziva ulilolo emtshatweni.

16. Wena okanye iqabane lakho lidlala ngothando kwabanye

Olunye lweempawu ezibonisa ukuba umtshato uphelile kuxa iqabane lisoloko lidlala ngothando ngaphandle komtshato. Nangona ukudlala ngothando kungabi nabungozi, oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni a iqabane lithandana, ngakumbi ukuba bayakuphepha ukusebenzisa ifowuni kunye nekhompyuter. Kunokuba nzima ukulawula ikhwele lakho xa ubona iqabane lakho lidlala ngothando ngomntu othile epatini, lingazicingeli kwaphela iimvakalelo zakho. Loo nto ifanele ikunike iingcebiso malunga nokuqhawuka komtshato wakho.

Ngoku ka uphando, ezinye zezona zizathu zixhaphakileyo zokungathembeki zidweliswe ngezantsi:

• Ukunqongophala kothando kunye nonxibelelwano lweemvakalelo phakathi kwamaqabane
• Imiba yokuzixabisa
• Ukuzinikela okubuthathaka
• Ukungahoywa kweqabane
• Umnqweno wesini ongazalisekanga 

17. Ningahlali omnye komnye

Ukungabandakanyeki kuyenye into exhaphakileyo uphawu lomtshato olufayo. Intsingiselo engundoqo yoku kukuba iqabane elinye okanye omabini akasatyalwa ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane. Inokuthatha iindlela ezahlukeneyo:

• Izibini zinokuyeka ukuxoxa ngezicwangciso zabo zexesha elizayo ekwabelwana ngazo
• Abasathethi ngeminqweno yabo ngabanye kwakhona
• Akukho kufuna ukwazi malunga nosuku lomnye
• Ababoni izinto malunga nomnye, njengokunqunyulwa kweenwele, isambatho esitsha, ukulungiswa kwesitya esitsha, inkqubo entsha, into entsha yokuzonwabisa okanye inkanuko, njl.
• Aninovelwano omnye komnye

UkuFunda okuFanayo: IMithetho ePhakamileyo yokwahlula emtshatweni ukuze iphumelele

18. Ubugcina amanqaku

Ukugcina amanqaku yindlela eqinisekileyo yokwandisa uxinzelelo kunye nentiyo kubudlelwane bakho, kwaye yenye yezona zinto zinzima emtshatweni, kungakhathaliseki ukuba ngubani owenza okungakumbi endlwini, ngubani owamkela imali eninzi, okanye ngubani onyamekela abantwana ngcono. Ngoku ka iingcali zobudlelwane, UJohn Grey noMark Gungor, amadoda agcina amanqaku ngokwenza izinto ezibalulekileyo (njengokuthenga izipho ezibizayo okanye ukucwangcisa iiholide ezibalaseleyo) kwaye azinike amanqaku amaninzi nganye.

Izinto ezininzi azixabisekanga ngaphezu kwenqaku elinye xa kufikwa kwindlela abafazi ababala ngayo izinto. Amadoda asenokungenzi mininzi imisebenzi yemihla ngemihla kuba ecinga ukuba abonelela amaqabane awo ngokwaneleyo. Abafazi baqhubeka bekholelwa ukuba abayeni babo baqhuba kakubi kakhulu, nto leyo ekwasemthethweni.

19. Umtshato wenza ukuba uzive uvalelwe

Kubalulekile ukunikela ingqalelo kwiimvakalelo zakho ukuba kubonakala ngathi uvalelwe kubudlelwane. Kusenokubonisa ukuba ukumtshato ongonwabanga. Ngaba iqabane lakho likwenza uzive ulawulekile kuwo onke amanyathelo obomi bakho? Awunalizwi kuwo nawuphi na umba womtshato kwaye usoloko unjalo ehamba kumaqokobhe amaqanda ebajikelezile. Qwalasela; oku kusenokuba yenye yeempawu zokuqhawula umtshato kunkqonkqozwa emnyango wakho.

Kukho izizathu ezininzi onokuthi uzive uvaleleke kunye neqabane lakho:

• Iimfuno zakho eziphambili azifezekiswa
• Awukwazi ukuzivakalisa ngokukhululekileyo; kukho uloyiko/uxinzelelo logwebo okanye ukugxekwa
• Iqabane lakho liphethe kakhulu kwaye alikhuselekanga kwaye liyithintele inkululeko yakho esisiseko
• Abakuniki indawo eyaneleyo okanye umda wokuhlola ubuntu bakho
• Bazama ukulawula ubomi bakho bobuqu kunye nentlalontle

20. Nobabini nidala iindlela zokutshayela iingxaki phantsi kombhoxo

Amaqabane amaninzi asele ngandlel’ ithile kumtshato omanyumnyezi aqale ukukhangela ukulungiswa kwe-Band-Aid ukuze afihle okanye aphazamise iingxaki zokwenene kumanyano. Izibini ezikule meko zinokwenza oku kulandelayo:

• Ukuzama i ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo
• Ukuthatha iholide emnandi
• Ukuthetha ngokuba nomntwana – Ukuzisa umntwana kumtshato ongonwabanga yeyona nto imbi umntu anokuyenza

Ngokutsho kukaNandita, “isibini sinokukhangela izinto ezisiphazamisayo ukuze siphephe imiba entununtunu ngenxa yokuba singayazi indlela yokusingathwa ngoxolo okanye ngemvisiswano.” Ukuba kukho umsantsa omkhulu wonxibelelwano okhokelela kumlo ombi, abantu basuka baqalise ukuziphepha iingxaki zabo.

"Endaweni yokugxeka okwakhayo kunye neengxoxo ezijolise kwisisombululo, uzityhalela phantsi kwekhaphethi kwaye uzivumele zifumbe apho. Kodwa imiba iya kuphakamisa iintloko zabo ezimbi rhoqo emva koko. Ixesha elininzi lisenzeka, iingxaki ziba nzulu ngakumbi. Logama uqhubeka uziphepha, kuya kubakho uhlobo oluthile lokhukuliseko kubudlelwane - kunokuba yimvakalelo okanye ingqondo."

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezi-9 ziyingxaki kubudlelwane bakho

21. Bekukho ukunqongophala kwezijekulo eziswiti

Nokuba zincinci izijekulo eziswiti nezothando zihamba indlela ende. Ukusuka ekunakekeleni iqabane lakho xa ligula ukubamba ucango lubavulele, zonke izenzo zothando zibonisa ubukho bothando kunye nenkathalo emtshatweni wakho. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba iqabane lakho alikubonisi uthando njengoko lalisenza ngaphambili, mhlawumbi loo 'ntlantsi' ayisekho.

Amanyathelo akhawulezileyo omawuwathathe ukuba ucinga ukuba umtshato wakho usengxakini

Kufuneka wenze ngoko nangoko ukuba unothinjana oluncinci lokuba umtshato wakho uyehla. Kubalulekile ukwenza iinzame zokuchonga oonobangela beengxaki zakho. Funa uncedo ngoku ingcebiso ngomtshato ukuba wena neqabane lakho aninabo ubuchule bokunxibelelana. Nokuba imeko ibonakala ingenathemba ngoku, usenako ukuphuma ungonwabanga njengesibini esitshatileyo esonwabileyo ngaphandle kokuba i-deal-breaker efana nokukrexeza okanye ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo / ngokwasemzimbeni.

U-Nandita ucebisa ngelithi, “Okokuqala, ukuze uqalise inkqubo yokuchacha, kufuneka nobabini nivume ukuba nikumtshato ongekho mpilweni kwaye kukho iindawo ezifuna ukulungiswa, uninzi lwezibini ezitshatileyo ziyasilela ukubuqonda ubunzulu bemeko yazo njengoko kudala bephila kuloo meko yokungasebenzi kakuhle.Okwesibini, zibuze: Yintoni kanye kanye eyona nto iphambili ekukhathazayo emtshatweni wakho?

“Inyathelo lesithathu lunxibelelwano kwaye kwela cala, omabini amaqabane kufuneka abe nomdla ngokulinganayo.Makubekho ithuba lengxoxo kwaye oko kusenokukhokelela kwingxoxo-mpikiswano.Kulungile ukuba ungavumelani ukuba usuka kwindawo apho ufuna ukusombulula ingxaki kwaye ungajiki kwikhonkco lengxoxo. ukugxeka-ukutshintsha nokuba nengxabano enye ngokuphindaphindiweyo.”

Ukuba ucinga ukuba umtshato wakho usengxakini, ungazama ukuwusindisa ngokuthatha la manyathelo akhawulezileyo:

1. Yenza uludwe lwawo wonke umba owaziwayo

Nawuphi na umtshato osecicini lokuqhawuka uneengxaki ezininzi ezingalungiswanga. Kwaye ukuba ufuna ukugcina ubudlelwane bulungile, ngoku lixesha lokudala uluhlu lwemiba kwaye usebenze ekusombululeni nganye kuzo. Thetha neqabane lakho kwaye ubaxelele ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani ukuxoxa ngeengxaki eziqhubekayo - Ngaphambi kokuba ziphume esandleni. Le yindlela esebenzayo yoku Sombulula iingxaki zobudlelwane ngaphandle kokwahlukana.

2. Ziphucule

Alikho ixesha lokuba uqale phantsi. Ke, funda indlela yokuba nomtshato onovelwano nonoxolo kwaye uhlaziye ukuzinikela kwakho omnye komnye. Funda indlela yokubonisa uthando kwiqabane lakho, chitha ixesha elininzi elisemgangathweni kunye njengoko unako, qinisekisa izibhambathiso zakho kubudlelwane bakho obutsha, kwaye uyithethe ngokuvakalayo.

3. Zilahle ezi zintathu Njengoko zikhokelela kuqhawulo-mtshato

Umsindo, imicimbi, kunye nokukhotyokiswa zizinto ezithathu ezikhokelela kuqhawulo-mtshato. Naluphi na uhlobo lomkhwa olubi luyingozi emtshatweni. Ukuba omnye wenu ucaphuka ngokukhawuleza, fundani ukuwulawula. Imicimbi sele ijongwa njengengca yokugqibela emtshatweni kuninzi lwabantu.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iindlela ezisi-8 onokuthi uncede ngazo iqabane lakho ukuba lidlule kwiziyobisi

Ukukhotyokiswa kuza ngeendlela ezininzi, kuquka utywala, iziyobisi, amanyala, nokungcakaza. Sebenzela ukuyeka umlutha ngaphambi kokuba iqabane lakho ligqibe ekubeni liyeke nawe. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba iqabane lakho likhoboka, linike ithuba kwaye ubancede badlule kwimeko ngaphambi kokuba ucele ukuyeka kubo.

4. Funda ukuvakalisa izinto ezikukhathazayo ngendlela engenakukutyhola

Ukuze iviwe ngcono, umntu kufuneka adlulise ngcono. Kwingxabano, qiniseka ukuba unendlela efanelekileyo xa uxoxa ngeentsilelo zeqabane lakho. Khumbula, ukugxeka okuncinci okwakhayo kuhlala kunempembelelo enkulu kunokujikelana. Abantu benza impazamo yokuchasa nokuba krwada xa kufikwa kwingxabano namaqabane abo. Ngexesha elizayo, zama ukuzola kwaye uqokelele njengoko unokuba njalo xa uxabana nabo, kwaye uthethe ngobubele okulindelekileyo kubudlelwane. 

5. Yandisa amandla akho afanelekileyo kwiqabane lakho

Thatha inyathelo emva kwaye ucinge ngento oyithanda kakhulu ngabo xa uqala ukucaphuka. Cinga ngendlela abakwenza uhleke ngayo okanye izinto ezikwenze wawela kubo kwasekuqaleni. Ukuzikhumbuza ngezinto ezintle ezinje ngo "Zihlala bekhona xa ndibafuna" kunokukunceda ukuba wongeze amandla afanelekileyo engqondweni yakho. Gcina ezi mpawu engqondweni kwaye uzivumele ziguqule indlela oyibona ngayo le miba ikhoyo. Unokwenza umgudu wokutshintsha isimo sakho sengqondo. Kunokwenzeka ukuba iqabane lakho libuyisele amandla akho afanelekileyo ukuba uyawasasaza.

Xa abantu ababini betshatile, bazibophelela ubomi babo bonke ngokuthandana nokuxabisana. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha olu manyano lunokonakala. Umtshato unokuqhawuka ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukahlukeneyo, kodwa iingxaki ezingaconjululwanga phakathi kwamaqabane amabini ahlala zibekek’ ityala. Kubalulekile ukufumana iingcebiso ukuba uneengxaki zomtshato. Kukho iinkonzo ezininzi ezifumanekayo zokunceda izibini ekusombululeni iingxabano nasekulondolozeni umtshato wabo, njengoko imitshato INOkusindiswa ngomsebenzi kunye nokuzinikela.

Eli nqaku lihlaziywe ngo-Agasti ka-2023. 

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