Umtshato unokuba neentsingiselo ezahlukeneyo kumabhinqa ngokuxhomekeke kwizinto eziza kuqala ebomini. Inika umdla indlela abanye abafazi abajonga ngayo njengenyathelo elibaluleke kakhulu ebomini, ngelixa abanye beyibona njengeleyibhile yokufaneleka kuluntu. Nokuba umtshato uthetha ntoni na emfazini, akufuneki simgwebe ngokhetho lwakhe.
Masiyivume, umtshato lishishini elinzulu. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo linyathelo elibalulekileyo kubomi babo bathatha isigqibo sokuthatha loo mtsi. Ngaphandle koko, ukugcina iqhina lomtshato olomeleleyo kufuna umgudu nokuzinikela kuwo omabini amaqabane. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ulindelo luyatshintsha njengoko usuka ekubotshweni ziimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo zakho kubomi bakho obudityaniswe zizibhambathiso zomtshato. Ngumdlalo webhola omtsha ngokupheleleyo. Kweli nqaku, siya kwi-nitty-gritty yalo mdlalo webhola ngokwembono yowesifazane. Makhe sijonge ukuba kuthetha ukuthini umtshato emfazini.
Uthetha ukuthini Umtshato kuMfazi-Sizibonile ezi zinto zi-9
Isiqulatho
Umtshato ungaphezulu nje kwezicwangciso ze-honeymoon zothando kunye nezipho ezimnandi zesikhumbuzo. Kukuzibophelela ngokusemthethweni okuchaphazela zonke iinkalo zobomi bomntu – ngokweentsapho, ezoqoqosho, nezentlalo. Abaninzi bakugqala njengesenzo sokugqibela sothando okanye umanyano olungcwele olubopha imiphefumlo emibini kunye ngonaphakade. Noko ke, ukungena emtshatweni akusoloko kulula. Kakade ke, kusenokuzisa ulwaneliseko olukhulu kubomi bebhinqa, kodwa kukwahambisana nocelomngeni olufanelekileyo.
Ngoko ke, kuthetha ukuthini umtshato emfazini? Yintoni i ukubaluleka komtshato ebomini bakhe? Ewe, inokuthetha izinto ezahlukeneyo kubafazi abahlukeneyo. Kwabanye, imele ukuzinikela okungagungqiyo kwaye isebenza njengenkqubo yenkxaso ethembekileyo. Isenokuba ngumthombo wolwalamano olusondeleyo ngokwesini, ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo, okanye uzinzo lwezoqoqosho. Kwi-flip side, abanye abafazi banokungafumani umtshato ubalulekile konke konke. Baneembono zabo ezizodwa. Ukufumana ulwazi oluthe kratya ngesi sihloko, siye sathetha nabafazi abambalwa malunga neembono zabo ngobomi bomtshato, kwaye safumanisa ezi zinto zisithoba:
1. Ubuqabane kunye nenkqubo yenkxaso yobomi
Kum, umtshato uthetha ubuhlobo bobomi bonke.Kumalunga nokwabelana ngobomi bam, amaqondo aphezulu namahla-ndinyuka, neqabane elindiqonda ngokwenene, elindihlonelayo, nelindithandayo, njengokuba nam ndimenzela. Kufana nokuqalisa olu hambo lumangalisayo lobomi kunye. Umtshato yinto entle. Kodwa njengalo naluphi na uhambo, kuya kubakho amahla-ndinyuka, amahla ndinyuka, owonwabisa ngokwenene emtshatweni. Okukhethekileyo kukuba nobukho obungagungqiyo ecaleni kwakho, ndisazi ukuba kukho umntu oza kube ekunye nawe kuko konke oku endikulindeleyo emtshatweni Liziko elihle elinentsingiselo nesithembiso,” utshilo uCarrie (36) waseBoston, Massachusetts.
Yinjongo efanayo yomtshato namhlanje – ubuqabane kunye inkxaso kubudlelwane. Yenye yezona nkqubo zibalaseleyo zenkxaso umntu wasetyhini anokuba nazo ebomini bakhe. Khawucinge nje ukuba unaloo mntu unokubuyela kuye ekhaya kwaye wabelane ngayo yonke into naye. Nokuba lulonwabo okanye usizi, izinto zemihla ngemihla okanye imida ephambili, ukutshintshatshintsha kweemvakalelo, okanye iingxaki zomsebenzi, uyazi ukuba baya kuba lapho ukuze bamamele kwaye bakuncede ujongane nayo yonke loo nto. Ngabantu onokubhiyozela naye uloyiso lwakho kwaye uthembele kuye ngexesha lokusilela kwakho. Kwaye okumangalisayo kukuba abamameli nje kuphela iingcinga zakho kodwa banika umbono omtsha onokwenza umahluko ngokwenene.
Kumfazi, iqabane lakhe linokuba yindawo yakhe ekhuselekileyo. Kukuba nomhlobo osenyongweni kunye nomntu ozithembayo ome ecaleni kwakho ebunzimeni nasebubini. Baba liqabane lakho kulwaphulo-mthetho, nokuba kukubukela iimuvi kunye, ukufunda iincwadi, okanye ukonwabela nje izidlo. Liqhina elihle kangaka phakathi kwabantu ababini, awucingi? Ukuze ube nelo nqanaba lokuthembela kunye nothando, apho uyazi ukuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni ubomi obuphosa kuwe, iqabane lakho liya kuba khona ukuba likubambe. Yiloo mvakalelo yokwazi ukuba awuwedwa, ukuba unomntu okukhathalele ngokwenene nokwamkelayo njengokuba unjalo. Nantso eyona nto ingundoqo yomtshato kwaye yintoni eyenza ukuba ibe yinto ekhethekileyo kumfazi.
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2. Umtshato uthetha ntoni kumfazi - hayi imfuneko
Uninzi lwabasetyhini bawujonga umtshato njengento engeyonto ngaphandle kweleyibhile egunyaziswe eluntwini ukwenza ubudlelwane bube semthethweni. Ngokutsho kwabo, uthando nokuzibophelela akuxhomekanga kwisatifikethi okanye isiqwenga sephepha. Bakholelwa ngokuqinileyo ukuba unako yakha ukuthembana kubudlelwane kwaye uzinikele kwaye uzinikele kwiqabane ngaphandle kokubopha iqhina.
"Ukutyikitya uxwebhu olusemthethweni njengobungqina bokuzibophelela kunye nokunyaniseka kwam kwiqabane lam asiyiyo into efanekisela umtshato kum. Le asiyontsingiselo yomtshato endikholelwa kuyo. Ndicinga ukuba uthando nokuzibophelela kufuneka kusekelwe kwiimvakalelo kunye nokhetho kwaye kungaqhutywa kukuvunywa koluntu. Ngubani ofuna isiqwenga sephepha ukuze achaze ubudlelwane babo, akunjalo?" utsho uSandra (38), echaza ngeembono zakhe ngokubaluleka komtshato.
Enyanisweni, amanye amabhinqa aphikisa ngelithi ukutshata kunokwenza izinto zibe nzima ngakumbi, ngakumbi ukuba umtshato awuphumeleli. Inkqubo yoqhawulo-mtshato kunye nokujongana nemithetho ye-alimony inokuba yinto ephazamisayo, nokuba yenziwa ngokufanayo okanye hayi. Ibandakanya iingxaki ezininzi ezisemthethweni ezinokongeza uxinzelelo kunye neengxaki kwimeko esele inzima.
Ngoko ke, kwaba bafazi, umtshato awuyomfuneko. Babeka phambili amandla obudlelwane babo. Bakholelwa kwinkululeko yokuchaza ukuzinikela kwabo ngendlela yabo, ngaphandle kokuhambelana nezithethe zoluntu okanye iinkqubo zomthetho. Kumalunga nokufumana ulonwabo nokwaneliseka ngokwemiqathango yabo, kungakhathaliseki ukuba bakhetha ukutshata okanye akunjalo.
3. Uxanduva oluninzi kakhulu
Umtshato awulomanyano lwabantu ababini. Kumazwe amaninzi, ngakumbi kwiinkcubeko zaseAsia, xa utshata nomntu, utshata nayo yonke intsapho yakhe. Kwaye mandikuxelele, oko kunokuzisa uxanduva oluninzi kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kunye neengxabano. Kwezinye iimeko, abasebukhweni badla ngokuba nempembelelo enkulu kubomi besibini, yaye oko kunokukhokelela kwiingxabano ezinkulu phakathi kwendoda nomfazi. Kwaye ngelishwa, idla ngokuba ngumfazi ophela ethwele uxanduva kwaye kulindeleke ukuba alufezekise ngokungenasiphako (ingakumbi ukuba ukwimeko apho uhlala etshatile ngenxa yezizathu zemali).
“Ukuba kubudlelwane okanye uhlala neqabane lakho indlela engcono kunokutshata ngenxa yokuba awubotshwanga yimithetho, izinto ozilindeleyo kunye noxanduva. Akulindelekanga ukuba ube ngumfazi ogqibeleleyo, umolokazana, umama, umninikhaya, njalo njalo. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ulalanise kwizinto ongazifuniyo. Akukho kujongana neemeko apho kufuneka ukhethe phakathi komsebenzi kunye nomtshato okanye ukuba ngumama. Awunayo ukujongana noxinzelelo loluntu ukuba ukhulelwe okanye ufumanise ukuba yintoni umfazi olungileyo. Wena neqabane lakho nifikelela kwisigqibo sokuba yintoni enilungele nina kunye nobudlelwane,” utshilo uAparna, umIndiya ohlala ePalmetto Bay.
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4. Ukwabelana ngesondo nzulu
Ukwabelana ngesondo yenye yezinto ezibalulekileyo emitshatweni. Enyanisweni, kubafazi abaninzi, ukwabelana ngesondo kunokuba esinye sezizathu zokutshata. Ibambe indawo ekhethekileyo kwinto ethethwa ngumtshato emfazini. Umhlobo wam, ocele ukungachazwa kwamagama, uthi: “Ndaziva ndisondelelene ngakumbi ngokwesini nomyeni wam emva kokuba sitshatile.Asikuko nokuba sasingathandani ngoxa sasithandana. Ngoxa ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kwakunomtsalane wako, kum, ukuba neentlobano zesini emva komtshato kwakukhethekile ngokwenene.
5. Uzinzo kwezoqoqosho
Kukho unxibelelwano olomeleleyo phakathi imali kunye nomtshato. Enye yezinto abafazi abaninzi abazilindeleyo emtshatweni kukuziva bekhuselekile ngokwemali. Uzinzo lwezoqoqosho yenye yeenjongo zomtshato kubafazi abathile. Izibini ezininzi ezitshatileyo zidla ngokuba bhetele ngokwemali yaye zinokuyisebenzisa kakuhle imali yazo njengeqela. Kule mihla, njengoko abafazi abaninzi bezimele ngokwezimali, bafuna amaqabane abanokuthi nabo baphucule ukuma kwabo kwezoqoqosho kwaye basebenzele ukwakha ubomi bamaphupha abo.
6. Ukuzibophelela omnye komnye
Ukuzibophelela ngokuhlala kunye kwaye nisoloko nikho omnye komnye yinjongo eqhelekileyo yomtshato namhlanje. Ukulondoloza umtshato kufuna umlinganiselo ophakamileyo wokuzibophelela kwawo omabini amaqabane, nto leyo ebangela ukuba azive enqabisekile, uzinzo yaye enelungelo. Ukuba nizimisele ukuxhasana kunye nokukhulisana omnye nomnye, unokudala ubudlelwane obuhlala ixesha elide.
Umtshato wam wokuqala awuzange uphumelele, nangona mna nowayesakuba sasithandana kakhulu xa sagqiba kwelokuba sithabathe isigqibo sokuqhawula umtshato. Sekunjalo, kwafuneka ndityobele amaphepha oqhawulo-mtshato ndize ndiphume neentombi zam ezimbini.
“Ndaqinisekisa ukuba anditshati ngezizathu eziphosakeleyo kwesi sihlandlo, yaye umtshato nguwo osidibanisayo.” Kum, umtshato yinto eqhubekayo efuna umgudu nokuzimisela okuqinileyo ukuze bahlale kunye phezu kwazo nje iingxaki. ubudlelwane bexesha elide kufuna umsebenzi onzima kubantu ababini. Yinke imihla. Ifuna ukuzinikela, uthando, ukuzinikela, intembeko, intembeko, kunye nokuxolelwa kuwo onke amanqanaba endlela,” utsho uSarah (56) waseCalifornia.
Ngokwenene, ukuzinikela kungundoqo kumtshato owomeleleyo. Ukuba neqabane elithembekileyo nelithembekileyo elithembisa ukukumela ebuhleni nasebubini kuvakala kumnandi.Uthembisana ukukhathalelana ubomi bakho bonke.
7. Uthando kunye nobunye
Ukuhamba emtshatweni kufuneka kube luthando, akunjalo? Xa abantu ababini begqiba kwelokuba bachithe ubomi babo kunye, kungenxa yokuba bakhathalelana ngokunzulu. Izizathu ezisebenzayo kunye nezemali zokutshata zilungile kakhulu kodwa uthando lusisiseko - iglue ebamba konke kunye. Ngelixa esiba ngumfazi, umfazi ufuna uthando olungagungqiyo kunye nobunye. Idlula ngaphaya komtsalane womzimba, ukudibanisa kwinqanaba lokomoya kunye neemvakalelo.
Emtshatweni, ubunye ngundoqo. Kuthetha ukwamkela nokuthanda iqabane lakho kanye ngendlela abayiyo, ukungafezeki kunye nazo zonke. Niyazamkela iintsilelo kunye neeyantlukwano zomnye kwaye nincedane nikhule umntu ngamnye kunye nesibini. Usebenza, ubhiyozele imimangaliso, kwaye ujongane iingxaki zomtshato oko kuza ngendlela yenu njengembumba emanyeneyo. Iqhina lomtshato likuvumela ukuba wabelane ngeengcinga zakho ezinzulu, iimvakalelo, kunye namaphupha kunye neqabane lakho, ukudala ubomi kunye njengeqela.
“Umtshato osempilweni unjani?” Kum, ngabantu ababini abahlala kunye, abonayo, kwaye babelane ngemisebenzi, uxanduva kunye nothando ngokulinganayo.Nithembana kwaye nizenzele imithetho endaweni yokuthobela imilinganiselo yoluntu.Olo hlobo lomtshato yinto entle, "utshilo uCassie (45) kwaye asizange sivumelane ngakumbi. Nisebenzela amaphupha neenjongo zenu kunye, nixhasana kwaye nikhulisana endleleni. Oko kukubaluleka komtshato emfazini.
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8. Umtshato uthetha ukuthini emfazini – Ukuba nosapho olulolwakhe
Kwabanye abafazi, ukuba nomntwana kunokuba yintshukumisa enamandla yokuthabatha elo nyathelo emtshatweni. Uba yenye yeenjongo ezinentsingiselo zomtshato kubo. Ngapha koko, ukuba ngumzali luhambo olumangalisayo oluzaliswe yimincili. Ngelixa sivuma ukuba unokuba ngumama omangalisayo ngaphandle kokutshata, ukukhulisa umntwana emtshatweni (ukuba yiloo nto oyifunayo) inokuba luhambo olunelisayo olukunika ithuba lokwakha usapho lwakho.
9. Ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo
Ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo emtshatweni yeyona nto iphambili eyenze eli ziko libalulekile nakweli hlabathi litshintsha ngokukhawuleza. Ukuba ngumfazi kuyanelisa kakhulu xa usazi ukuba kuthetha ukufumana umntu oya kuma nawe ngokulungileyo nokubi. Amadoda nabafazi, bobabini, bakhangele ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo, uzinzo kunye nenkxaso emtshatweni. Kufuneka ukwazi ukuba nguwe kwaye wabelane ngeemvakalelo zakho, amaphupha, kunye neminqweno nomntu ogqibe ekubeni uchithe ubomi bakho naye. Kufuneka ukwazi ukuziva usengozini kodwa ukhuselekile.
Ekugqibeleni, umtshato umalunga nomanyano lwemiphefumlo emibini. Amaqabane kufuneka aqhagamshele kumanqanaba amaninzi - ngokweemvakalelo, ngokomoya, ngokwasengqondweni nasemzimbeni. Kufuneka kubekho ukusondelelana okunzulu ngokweemvakalelo, unxibelelwano oluqinileyo, nemvakalelo enzulu yokuba ngowabanye ukuze umtshato uphumelele. Ukwazi ukuba kukho umntu oza kukunyamekela xa ugula, akumamele xa ukhathazekile, kwaye akuthuthuzele xa uphantsi kakhulu yimvakalelo emangalisayo kwaye eyanelisayo kubasetyhini abaninzi.
Iimpawu eziphambili
- Izinto ezimbalwa ezibalulekileyo emtshatweni kubafazi luthando, ukuqonda, kunye noqhagamshelwano oluqinileyo ngokweemvakalelo
- Amanye amabhinqa akholelwa ngokuqinileyo ukuba unokulubonakalisa uthando nokuzinikela komnye nomnye ngaphandle kwemfuneko yokutshata
- Ngokwabanye abafazi, izizathu ezilungileyo zokutshata zinokubandakanya - ukwakha iqabane lobomi bonke, ukudala usapho olunothando noluxhasayo, kunye nokufumana ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo.
Ekugqibeleni, umtshato lukhetho lobuqu. Wonke umfazi kufuneka abe nenkululeko yokuzenzela eso sigqibo. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo linyathelo elikhulu ebomini bomfazi, kwaye kufuneka alithathe kuphela xa eziva ekulungele. Kwaye uyazi ntoni? Ukuba akafuni ukutshata, kulungile. Akukho mgaqo othi abafazi bazalelwe ukutshata. Ngoko ke masibahloniphe kwaye sibaxhase abantu basetyhini kulo naluphi na ukhetho abalwenzayo, ngaphandle kwesigwebo.
Eli nqaku lihlaziywe ngoJuni ka-2023.
FAQs
Umtshato sisiganeko esibalulekileyo ebomini bomfazi, apho ufuna ukwakha ubomi nomntu amthanda kakhulu. Izisa uxanduva olutsha kunye nezinto ezilindelekileyo, ezikhokelela kutshintsho kwizinto eziphambili kuye. Eyona nto ayinqwenela kakhulu liqabane anokulithemba ngokupheleleyo kwaye athembele kulo, umntu obuyisela loo ntembelo kwaye umphathe ngentlonelo. Kuye, umtshato umele olona hlobo lokuzinikela okukhulu, apho anokwakha ikamva elizaliswe luthando, inkxaso, kunye nokuzinikela kwiqabane lakhe.
Umfazi ufuna ukuba iqabane lakhe lixhase, lamkele, lithembeke kwaye lithembeke. Ufuna indawo ekhuselekileyo nekhululekileyo apho anokuveza ngokukhululekileyo uloyiko lwakhe, ulangazelelo kunye neemvakalelo zakhe. Ukufumana iqabane elinokuba ngumhlobo wakhe osenyongweni kunye nomntu amthembayo kubaluleke kakhulu kuye. Kwezinye iimeko, kusenokubakho izizathu zemali zokutshata. Kwakhona ibhinqa lifuna ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo nokuziva likhuselekile emtshatweni, lisazi ukuba linokukhululeka ngokupheleleyo lize libe sesichengeni kwiqabane lalo ngaphandle kokugweba.
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Ukutshata Ngemali: Ngaba Lukhetho oluLungileyo kuwe kunye nendlela yokulwenza lusebenze?
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba amaxesha aguqukayo athini na, yinyaniso ebuhlungu into yokuba umtshato uchaphazela ubomi bebhinqa ngeyona ndlela iqatha. Nangona abasetyhini sele bezimele, umthwalo wokulindela abakuthweleyo unxulumene.
Isabelo esikhulu.
Ubonisa ezinye izinto eziyinyani eziyinyani uninzi lwabasetyhini malunga nomtshato wabo.