13 Izibonelelo ezimangalisayo zomtshato kuMfazi

Ukutshata lolona gqatso lukhulu lokholo oluthathwa libhinqa ebomini bakhe. Ezinye zeengenelo zomtshato kwibhinqa zezi: ubomi obonwabisa ngakumbi, umhlobo anokuncokola naye ngamaxesha amnandi namabi, kunye neqabane elisoloko lithembele kuye. A isifundo evela eHarvard uye wafumanisa ukuba abantu abatshatileyo 'bonwabile' banandipha impilo engcono kunabantu abangatshatanga. Xa kuthelekiswa nabantu abangatshatanga, abantu abadala abonwabileyo emtshatweni badla ngokuphila ixesha elide, bonwabile yaye abanazo izifo zentliziyo.

Ukufumanisa ngakumbi ngokubaluleka komtshato kunye nokuba kuthetha ukuthini umtshato emfazini, sifikelele kwisazi sezengqondo Aakhansha Varghese (M.Sc. Psychology), ogxile kwiindlela ezahlukeneyo zokucebisa ngobudlelwane - ukusuka ekuthandeni ukuya kukwahlukana, kunye nobudlelwane bangaphambi komtshato ukuya kubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo.

Uthi: “Ngenxa yolawulo lwamadoda, kukho iingenelo neengozi zokuba libhinqa elitshatileyo. Umtshato umnika ithuba lokuba neengenelo zemali nonqabiseko.” Emva kokuba ndithethe oko, andithethi ukuba amabhinqa angatshatanga aze agqibe kwelokuba ahlale engatshatanga akaqinisekanga ngokwemali okanye akakwazi ukuzimela geqe. Kakade ke, amabhinqa angatshatanga nawo aphila ubomi obuzinzileyo.”

13 Iingenelo ezimangalisayo zomtshato kuMfazi

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba ngaphambi kokuba sithethe ngezi nzuzo zomtshato kubafazi, sicinga ukuba aba bafazi a) bane-arhente epheleleyo malunga nesigqibo sabo sokutshata, b) abanyanzelwanga yi-heteronormative kunye ne-patriarchal elindelekileyo 'yokuthobela indoda', c) abanyanzelwanga / banyanzeliswa ukuba babe nabantwana, d) bazimele ngokwezimali kwaye bakhuselekile kwimeko yokuqhawula umtshato, kodwa ngenxa yokungabikho komtshato osemthethweni, ukungabikho komtshato osemthethweni. yona). Ke, ukuba unayo ngokwenene ufumene iqabane elifanelekileyo kwaye uyazibuza ukuba yintoni na iingenelo umtshato umfazi, uze ufunde kwaye ufumanise.

1. Umtshato lithuba lokukhula 

Umtshato sisiqalo sokudala usapho olunabantwana okanye olungenabo. Inika ithuba lokukhula njengomntu ngamnye nanjengesibini. Ukukhula kunokuba nalo naluphi na uhlobo kuquka:

• Ukukhula kwengqondo
• Ukukhula kwemali 
• Ukukhula kwengqondo 
• Ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo 
• Ukukhula ngokomoya 

UAakhansha uthi, “Usapho lwabantu ababini nalo lusapho, umtshato awuyonto nje yomanyano. ukukhula kubudlelwane kwaye ukhule njengomntu. Konke oku kukhula kuneziphumo ezilungileyo kuwo omabini amaqabane. Kwimeko yomtshato ozinzileyo nowonwabileyo, uba nobubele ngakumbi, uthantamisa, novelwano. Ngaphezu koko, imitshato enjalo yenza abafazi bomelele ngakumbi kunangaphambili.”

2. Ufumana iqabane elithembekileyo 

Ngaba umtshato uyalinceda ibhinqa? Iyenza kwaye le yenye yezinto ezilungileyo zomtshato kumfazi. Uneqabane lobomi onokuthi ulithembe. Uya kwazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba lo mntu akayi kukushiya kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwenzekani, ekuguleni kunye nempilo. Baza kugcina zonke iimfihlo zakho zikhuselekile, njengoko uya kwenza kubo. Baya kuqinisekisa ukuba bayakuphakamisa xa uziva uphantsi. Ngaphandle koko, uyakuhlala unomntu onokwabelana naye ngezinto zokuzonwabisa kunye nemisebenzi yangaphakathi / yangaphandle, umntu onokuhamba naye, umntu oza kukukhathalela, kunye nomntu wokukukhapha kuhambo olude.

3. Uzinza ngakumbi ngokwasezimalini 

Nokuba ungumfazi osebenzayo okanye ungowasekhaya, uyomelela ngokwasemalini xa utshatile. Endaweni yomvuzo omnye, kukho imivuzo emibini eqhuba ikhaya. Enye imali iingenelo zomtshato kuba umfazi ziquka:

• Izibonelelo zokhuseleko loluntu njengeMedicare kunye neengxowa-mali zomhlalaphantsi
• Izibonelelo ze-IRA (I-Akhawunti Yomhlala-phantsi yomntu ngamnye). 
• Iinzuzo zelifa

UAakhansha uthi, “Ufumana izibonelelo ezininzi zeinshorensi xa utshata, usenokuba ngumtyunjwa okanye ufumane imbuyekezo ethile oyifumana ngokutshata.” Enyanisweni, kwamanye amazwe, iindleko zemoto ziphantsi kwizibini ezitshatileyo kunabantu abangatshatanga.” 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izinto onokuzixoxa ngaphambi komtshato kunye neqabane lakho elilindelekileyo lobomi

4. Ufumana ukonwabela ukusondelelana ngaphandle komqobo 

Xa utshatile, ufumana ixesha elininzi, indawo, kunye nobubanzi bokuphonononga iingcinga zakho. Unokufumana kwakhona ukunxulumana neqabane lakho ngalo naliphi na ixesha ofuna. Le yenye yeziphumo ezilungileyo zokubanjwa. Akukho mfuneko yokuba nibeke umhla nexesha lokuba nibe neentlobano zesini kunye. Akuyi kufuneka ujongane nabamelwane abakhohlisayo abakugweba ngokufihlakeleyo ngenxa yokuba neentlobano zesini ngamaxesha angaqhelekanga okanye ukuhlala kunye ningatshatanga. 

5. Umtshato uphucula impilo yengqondo kubasetyhini

UAakhansha uthi, "umtshato uthetha ukuthini emfazini kunzima ukuyichaza. Akafuni nto ngaphandle kothando kwaye aqondwe ngumlingani wakhe. Zonke ezi zinto ziphucula ngqo impilo yakhe yengqondo. Uyavuya xa enenkqubo yenkxaso. Ufumana zonke iziseko zenkxaso emtshatweni wenu yaye leyo yenye yeengenelo eziphambili zomtshato emfazini.”

Awuyi kufuneka udlule ukuba ukwahlukana rough okanye naziphi na ixhala ukuthandana izigaba kwakhona. Ngaloo ndlela, umtshato unikela imvakalelo yokhuseleko enceda ekuphuculeni impilo-ntle yengqondo yebhinqa. Research Ibonakalise ukuba abafazi abatshatileyo bafumana imiba yempilo yengqondo encinci efana nokudakumba, ixhala, kunye ne-PTSD xa kuthelekiswa nabasetyhini abangatshatanga. abafazi abatshatileyo Queer fare nokuba ngcono. Research ibonisa ukuba abasetyhini abakwimitshato yesini esinye abacinezeleki kangako kunabasetyhini abakwimitshato yesini esahlukileyo. 

6. Unethuba lokudala usapho lwamaphupha 

UAakhansha uthi, “Awunakuzikhethela apho uzalelwe khona kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo uya kukhetha umntu ofuna ukwenza naye umzi wamaphupha akho, unokukhetha ukuba ufuna abantwana kwaye ubakhulise ngendlela ofuna ngayo. umtshato uthetha ukuthini emfazini. Ufuna ukukwazi ukukhetha iqabane lakhe kwaye aphile ubomi obuzaliswe ngamaxesha olonwabo.”

Amanye amabhinqa akabufumani ubunewunewu bokukhuliswa kumakhaya alungileyo. Baye bangamaxhoba okuxhatshazwa, ukungahoywa, nokungabi naluthando njengabantwana. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba umtshato ukhetho olufanelekileyo kuwe, ngoko unalo lonke ilungelo lokuthandabuza ngalo. Kodwa ukuba ubusoloko unqwenela ukuba neqabane elilungileyo, indlu ephuphayo, kunye nabantwana abathandekayo, ke umtshato yeyona ndlela ilungileyo. Ukuba uyoyika ukuzibophelela, ngoko unokuzama ukuhlala kunye ngaphambi kokuba ubophe iqhina. 

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7. Ufumana izibonelelo ze-inshurensi yezempilo 

Ekubeni uceba ukuchitha ubomi bakho kunye neqabane lakho, unelungelo lokufumana izibonelelo ze-inshurensi yezempilo kunye neenzuzo zokhuseleko loluntu. Apha ngezantsi kudweliswe ezinye zezibonelelo ze-inshurensi yezempilo othi uyonwabele xa utshatile: 

• Ukuba ufumana i-inshurensi yezempilo kumqeshi wakho, unokonga imali
• Kuya kufuneka ujongane namaphepha amancinci 
• Kuya kuba lula ukugcina umkhondo we-inshurensi yezempilo njengesibini esitshatileyo
• Njengoko oku isifundo, imitshato inciphisa ukusetyenziswa kwezinye iinkonzo zempilo ezixabisa kakhulu ngokunjalo (ezifana nokhathalelo lwekhaya labalupheleyo)

8. Indlela yakho yokuphila iya kuphucuka

Ngaba umtshato uyalinceda ibhinqa? Ewe, enye yeengenelo zomtshato kumfazi kukuba indlela yakhe yokuphila iya kutshintsha ibe ngcono. Uya kugqiba ukuthatha umngcipheko omncinci kwaye uya kuphila ubomi obunempilo. 

UAkhansha uthi, “Uzakuhlala umjongile umntu wakho xa uphuma. utshate nomntu oneentloni, baya kukuvulela iingcango ezintsha. Ukuba uyi-extrovert kwaye uneqabane elingaziwayo, ufunda okuninzi kwizinto ezithandwa liqabane lakho kunye nokuzola. Nobabini nifumana ubomi ngokwembono entsha ngoku.”

9. Abafazi abatshatileyo banelungelo lokufumana inzuzo yerhafu 

Ngaba umtshato ufanelekile? Ewe. Ngaphandle kweenzuzo ezibalulekileyo zokhuseleko loluntu kunye neenzuzo ezisemthethweni zomtshato, uya kufumana izibonelelo zerhafu. Le yenye yezinto ezinkulu zokutshata. Nazi ezinye zeenzuzo zerhafu kumfazi otshatileyo:

• Irhafu yepropati/ yendawo yokuhlala ephantsi
• Akukho rhafu yezindlu (emva kokusweleka kweqabane lakho) ukuba ngaba banazo naziphi na ii-asethi 
• Ungafaka imbuyekezo yerhafu enye endaweni yezimbini ezahlukeneyo xa utshatile

10. … Kunye neenzuzo zerhafu yomtshato

Enye ingenelo yomtshato kumabhinqa kukuba anokuxhuzulwa irhafu yomtshato engasikelwanga mda. Ukuba unazo naziphi na ii-asethi okanye iipropati, ungazidlulisela egameni leqabane lakho ngaphandle kokuhlawula imali yerhafu eyongezelelweyo. Lo msebenzi unokwenziwa ngaphandle kokuhlawula irhafu. 

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11. Ungalawula iakhawunti edibeneyo endaweni yezimbini ezahlukeneyo

UAakhansha uthi, “Enye yezinto zokuqala ezenziwa sisibini esitshatileyo emva kokutshata kukuvula iakhawunti edibeneyo. iingcebiso zokucwangcisa imali ukuba uyatshata. Iya kukuvumela ukuba ulawule iindleko zendlu, iindleko zokuthenga, okanye naluphi na uhlobo lwenkcitho ngendlela elula. Akuzubakho mpixano malunga nendlela esetyenziswa ngayo imali kuba awuzukuthatha mali kwiakhawunti yeqabane lakho kodwa kwiakhawunti edibeneyo.”

Omabini amaqabane aya kuba nofikelelo olulinganayo kuyo. Le yindlela eselubala ngokupheleleyo yokwazi ukuba isetyenziswa njani imali. Ukuvula iakhawunti edibeneyo kukhuthaza ukuthembana kunye novakalelo lobuqabane.

12. Xa utshatile, irenti okanye iindleko zokuphila ziyehla 

Ukuba ngumfazi ongatshatanga kunye nokuhlala wedwa kunokuba yingozi kwiakhawunti yakho yebhanki. Izixeko ezinjengeNew York kunye neSeoul zineendleko eziphezulu kakhulu zokuhlala apho irenti iphezulu. Le yenye yeenzuzo ezinkulu zemali yomtshato kumfazi. Xa nitshata, wena neqabane lakho ninokohlula imali yerenti kwaye oku kuya kwenza lula umthwalo wenu wemali. 

13. Ungakhetha i-inshorensi yokubeleka

U-Aakhansha uthi, “Ukuba utshatile kwaye uceba ukukhulisa usapho lwakho, kubalulekile ukuba ufumane i-inshorensi yokongeza ixesha lokubeleka. Ukuba unayo wagqiba ekubeni angabi nabantwana, emva koko unokukhetha enye i-inshurensi yezempilo kunye neenzuzo ezisemthethweni zomtshato. 

Ukubaluleka komtshato njengeziko kukuba kukugcina uzinzile. Inika ukhuseleko lwemali kunye neemvakalelo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba awuqinisekanga ngomtshato, akukho mntu kufuneka akunyanzele ukuba wenze esi sigqibo. Tshata xa uziva ngathi ukulungele ukuthembela, ukuthanda, kunye nokuxhasa iqabane lakho ngelixa ufumana isixa esifanayo sezinto ezilungileyo kubo. 

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