Izinto ezili-13 eziqhelekileyo ezenziwa ngabayeni ukutshabalalisa umtshato wabo

Xa isibini sitshata, siphupha ukuba siya kuhlala ngonaphakade. Umtshato ufuna imigudu yawo omabini amaqabane ukuze uphumelele. Nangona kunjalo kukho izinto abayeni abazenzayo ukutshabalalisa umtshato kwaye unokuqala ukuvakalelwa kukuba umthwalo wokugcina ubudlelwane ulele kuwe ngokupheleleyo. Ivakala iqhelekile, kodwa awuqinisekanga? Masincede.

Yintoni ebulala uthando emtshatweni? Izenzo ezithile kunye nokuziphatha kunokuba yingozi kwisibini. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, ngokwazi okanye ngokungazi, siphela sizenza kwaye sibangele ubuhlungu okanye intukuthelo. Isazi ngengqondo Samindara Sawant ojongene neengcebiso zezibini kunye nonyango lomtshato usinceda ukuba siqonde imikhwa emincinci etshabalalisa umtshato.

Izinto ezili-13 eziqhelekileyo ezenziwa ngabayeni ukutshabalalisa umtshato wabo

Akukho mntu uthi umtshato ulula, kodwa akukho mntu ukuxelela ukuba kunzima kangakanani. Kwaye ekuphela kwendlela onokuthi uzifumane ngayo kukuzibonela ngokwakho. Nangona kunjalo imitshato engenziyo ibe nomzekelo omnye obonakalayo. Ngokophononongo, i-69% yoqhawulo-mtshato yaqalwa ngabasetyhini, ngelixa amadoda eqala i-31% yawo.

Kwa olu phononongo lunye lucacisa ukuba la manani abangelwa kukuba iziko lomtshato lisemva ekuhlangabezaneni neendima zesini eziguqukayo. Amabhinqa asawenza umsebenzi omninzi wekhaya, ukunyamekela abantwana, nomsebenzi ongokweemvakalelo emtshatweni. Ekubeni besanda abafazi abazimeleyo ngokwezimali, bakhetha ukuphuma kwimitshato enjalo. Apha ngezantsi kukho uluhlu lwezinto ezenziwa ngabayeni ezidala imiqobo emtshatweni wabo.

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1. Ukungavakali kwiqabane labo

Kubudlelwane obuninzi, iincoko ziyancipha emva kwexesha kwaye oku ukungabikho kolwazi yenye yezinto ezichitha umtshato. Akukho mntu uthi kufuneka uthethe ngalo lonke ixesha kusuku lwakho. Kodwa ziveze iingcinga kunye nezimvo zakho kwimiba yokungenisa elizweni.

"Udiniwe kakhulu ukuba ungaya ngala mhla wesidlo sangokuhlwa? Yitsho. Awunakukwazi ukumelana nomsebenzi wakho? Mxelele. Ngaba ukhangeleka egqobhoza kuloo lokhwe? Mazise "Ucebisa uSamindara. Ayinakugxininiswa ngokwaneleyo indlela olubaluleke ngayo unxibelelwano kubudlelwane. Ukuthula ucinge ukuba iqabane lakho liyazi okanye liyayiqonda yonke into yenye yezinto ezimbi ezenziwa ngabayeni ukutshabalalisa umtshato wabo.

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2. Ukungachithi ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye neqabane labo

Ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba ixesha elisemgangathweni lulwimi lothando kweyakhe. Ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni akuthethi ukuba kufuneka ubambelele kwiqabane lakho njengekoala yosana 24*7. Endaweni yoko, naliphi na ixesha elincinci olichitha kunye, qiniseka ukuba iqabane lakho likuphela kogxininiso lwakho. Unokwenza ubusuku bemihla ngeveki kodwa ukuba usefowunini yonke, awuchithi ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye.

Njengonxibelelwano, ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kuba nzima ngakumbi ngokuhamba kwexesha. Kufuneka udibanise umsebenzi, imisebenzi yasekhaya, izibophelelo zosapho, iintlanganiso zePTA, njl njl. Awulifumani ixesha. Kodwa ixesha elincinci olifumanayo, kubalulekile ukulichitha unxibelelana neqabane lakho kunye nabantwana. Xa indoda ingenako ukuzikhathaza ngokwenza oko, yenye yeempawu zomyeni noyise ongendawo.

3. Ukuzingca kuyawubulala umtshato

Ngelixa ujongana nomsebenzi, abantwana, kunye nosapho, kungokwemvelo ukuba uyinto yokugqibela engqondweni yakho. Kulapho iqabane lobomi lingena emfanekisweni. Iqabane kufuneka lixhase wena xa ufikelele esiphelweni sobulumko bakho okanye udinwe emathanjeni. Kwaye akukho nto ibuhlungu ngakumbi xa uqaphela ukuba uyinto yokugqibela engqondweni yeqabane lakho ngokunjalo.

UClara oneminyaka engama-32 ubudala waseWisconsin wayediniwe sisimo sengqondo sokungayekeleli somyeni wakhe. Ingaba yindawo yeholide okanye amashiti ebhedi okanye umbala weendonga okanye ukutya ababekutya, zonke zazihambisana nencasa yakhe. Uthi: “Umyeni wam ufuna yonke into ngendlela yakhe kwaye izimvo zam azinamsebenzi. “Ndaqalisa ukuziva ndingento yanto ndaza ndadandatheka.” Ngethamsanqa, umcebisi wam wandenza ndathetha ngako nomyeni wam yaye ngoku ndiyambona esenza umgudu onyanisekileyo wokuguqula iindlela zakhe.”

4. Ukuzama ukulungisa amaqabane abo

Ukukhula kunye a uphawu lobudlelwane obunempilo. Kwaye xa iqabane lakho likuxhasa kwaye likunceda ukuba ukhule ube yinguqulelo engcono kuwe, akukho nto unokuyicela. Nangona kunjalo, kukho umgca olungileyo phakathi kokutyhala iqabane lakho ukuba lenze konke okusemandleni abo kunye nokucofa yonke into malunga nabo. Ngelishwa, rhoqo, amadoda ayawulibala ngokupheleleyo lo mgca kwaye ibe yenye yezinto ezibuhlungu ezenziwa ngabayeni ukutshabalalisa umtshato.

Akukho mntu ufezekileyo. Kwaye yile ndibaniselwano yokungafezeki kunye nokugqibelela okwenza umntu oyedwa. Nangona kulungile ukukhuthaza iqabane lakho ukuba libe yinguqulelo engcono kubo, ulindele ukuba babambelele kumbono wakho wemfezeko kwaye bahlale bebonisa iimpazamo zabo ngumkhwa otshabalalisa umtshato. Ukuzithemba kweqabane elichaphazelekayo kuthatha igalelo elikhulu.

5. Ukungahoyi ukungaqiniseki kweqabane labo

Sonke sinokungaqiniseki. Nokuba yinkangeleko, ukuma kwemali, okanye ukuzixabisa. Ukuba iqabane lakho livula kuwe malunga nokungaqiniseki kwabo, kwaye endaweni yokuqinisekiswa, bayahlekwa okanye bangahoywa, ke le mikhwa yomyeni iyonakalisa yonke into.

Ukuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho kunye namava kunceda ukwakha ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane. Iya kukwakha ukuzixabisa kweqabane lakho kwaye lenze iqhina phakathi kwenu nobabini lomelele. Ukungakhathali, ukukhanyela, okanye ukujongela phantsi ukungakhuseleki kwabo kubulala uthando emtshatweni. Amadoda adla ngokukwenza oku ngokudlala, efuna ukukugezela nje, kanti zizinto ezenziwa ngabayeni ukutshabalalisa umtshato.

6. Ukungabandakanyi amaqabane kwizigqibo zemali

UPaula, utitshala oneminyaka engama-25 ubudala, uthi “ Zininzi iimeko zoku iingxabano zemali emtshatweni wam. Umyeni wam ufuna yonke into ngendlela yakhe. Akazimiselanga nokuthetha ngezimali zakhe kwaye inokuba buhlungu kakhulu. Andazi ngamanqaku ethu okuthenga ngetyala okanye ukuba unawo nawaphi na amatyala okanye ukuba ndinoxanduva lokuhlawula nayiphi na imali-mboleko yakhe.

“Nanini na ndizama ukuba nale ncoko, ukhawuleza andivale umlomo aze andixelele ukuba akukho mfuneko yokuba ndimkhathaze ngemibuzo enjalo.

USamindara uthi: “Amabhinqa ayazi kakuhle imali, yaye kule mihla, ayakwazi ukuzenzela izigqibo. Abasetyhini bebesoloko bephambili ekulawuleni iindleko zekhaya nokonga imali kumakhaya amaninzi. Ukucinga ukuba abanakuyiphatha imali ayichanekanga nje kuphela kodwa ikwanokwabelana ngesondo.

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7. Umgangatho ophantsi wokwabelana ngesondo ubulala umtshato

Ngelixa isondo singesona sizathu sibalulekileyo sokwenza ubudlelwane busebenze, izifundo zibonisa ukuba izibini ezinobomi obulungileyo bokwabelana ngesondo banobudlelwane obonwabileyo kunye nobomeleleyo. Ubudlelwane obusondeleyo bakha ubomi obulungileyo bezesondo, kwaye isondo ngakumbi kunceda ukwakha ubuhlobo emtshatweni. Nangona kunjalo, ngokuhamba kwexesha, kubudlelwane obude bexesha elide lokwabelana ngesondo luyehla kwaye kwezinye iimeko, lunokuba yi-tad monotonous kakhulu. Kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu ukugcina intlantsi iphila.

“Isibini sifanele sincokole ngendlela esinokuyenza ngayo yibani ngabathandi abangcono nize nizame ukunonga izinto kwigumbi lokulala.” USamindara ucebisa ngelithi: “Ubona izibini ezininzi ezenza ukuba neentlobano zesini kuyenye yezinto ekufuneka zidlule kuzo. Bayeka ukukhathalela iimfuno kunye nolonwabo lweqabane labo. Logama nje banelisekile, abacingi kakhulu ngokwaneliseka kweqabane labo. Le ndlela yokucinga yeyona nto iwuchithayo umtshato.”

8. Ukungathathi uxanduva

Mhlawumbi enye yezona zinto ziyingozi ezenziwa ngamadoda ukuze atshabalalise umtshato wawo, kukungathwali mbopheleleko. Yiba noxanduva ngezenzo zabo, imisebenzi yasekhaya, okanye ukukhulisa abantwana ngendlela efanelekileyo. A isifundo eyenziwe ngo-2019 yaxela ukuba kumndilili wosuku ngo-2018, i-20% yamadoda enza umsebenzi wasekhaya, xa kuthelekiswa ne-49% yabasetyhini. Olu hlobo lokungakhathali kunye nokuziphatha okubuhlungu kuyawubulala umtshato. Kubekho utshintsho olukhulu kwiindima zesini kuluntu lwethu kwaye indoda kufuneka ihambisane nayo.

UJulia oneminyaka engama-36 ubudala wase-Edmonton uthi: “Umyeni wam undibeka ityala ngokuziphatha kwakhe okubi. “Umyeni wam unalo imiba yomsindo kodwa uyala ukufuna uncedo. Uthi ndingunobangela wokuba aphulukane nolawulo.” UJulia uyavuma ukuziphatha kwakhe ukuba uhamba phezu kwamaqokobhe eqanda rhoqo Amadoda, ukungathathi uxanduva kwimicimbi yakho ibulala umtshato, ngoko unokufuna ukuba nezenzo zakho, okanye ukungabikho kwazo.

9. Amehlo abayeni ajongana nawo ayichaphazela kakhulu imitshato yawo

The Inkcazo yokunyaniseka kubudlelwane iyahluka kumntu nomntu. Kwabanye abantu, ukungathembeki ngokwesondo kukukopela kwaye kwabanye, kwanokuthetha nomntu ovela kwisini osithandayo kukukopela. Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni inkcazo yakho yokukopela, ukubona umyeni wakho ejonge omnye umntu kunokuba yingozi. Uziva ungaxatyiswanga kwaye ungakhuselekanga. Ukuzingqinela izenzo ezinjalo zomyeni wakho konakalisa yonke into kulwalamano.

Amadoda ayizidalwa ezibonakalayo ngokubanzi kwaye akumangalisi ukuba umfazi omhle uya kubamba amehlo abo. Kwanabafazi bayawathanda amadoda amahle. Nangona kunjalo, ukujonga umntu ukuya kwinqanaba lokuba ujike intloko yakho ukuba uhlale ujonge kubo, oko kakhulu phambi kweqabane lakho, kubuhlungu kwiqabane. Oku kuziphatha kusenokungabikho ngqondweni kwaye ungazi ukuba uyayenza, kodwa yile mikhwa iwuchitha umtshato.

10. Izisombululo zongquzulwano ezingenampilo

Apho kukho abantu ababini ababandakanyekileyo, ngamaxesha athile kuya kubakho ukungqubana kwezimvo okuya kubangela ungquzulwano. Yinto eqhelekileyo. Ikwasempilweni njengoko ikunika ukuqonda ngcono ukuba ngubani omnye umntu. Kubonwa ngokukhanya okuchanekileyo, kukunika ithuba lokukhula njengomntu. Nangona kunjalo, iipateni zokusombulula iingxabano ezingafanelekanga zinesiphumo esichaseneyo.

USamindara uthi, “Ngamanye amaxesha, iingxabano zijika zibe yinto umzabalazo wamandla, apho kungekho qabane lizimisele ukuhlehla. Kukho iingxabano apho iqabane lilayita elinye. Kwaye kukho apho emva kongquzulwano, unokuthi, "Umyeni wam undigxeka ngokuziphatha kwakhe okubi rhoqo". Iingxabano ezinjalo azize ziconjululwe ngokwenene. Ushiywe ngaphandle kokuvalwa kwaye ingqumbo iyaqhubeka isanda. ”

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11. Ukulawulwa kakubi kosapho kunye nabahlobo

Kuthiwa imitshato ibakho phakathi kweentsapho ezimbini yaye ukusa kumlinganiselo othile, oko kuyinyaniso. Ngabantu bokuqala esiya kubo xa sijamelene neengxaki ebomini bethu. Nangona kunjalo, ukubandakanya usapho kuyo yonke into, kubandakanywa neyona ntlawulo incinci okanye iinkxalabo, kunokubangela umsantsa phakathi kwesibini.

“Kwakhona, imeko yentsapho iye yatshintsha kakhulu, ngoku amabhinqa afuna ukuba abazali baboniswe uthando, imbeko nenkathalo efanayo naleyo alindeleke ukuba ayibonise abasebukhweni bakhe,” ucacise watsho uSamindara. “Ufuna umyeni wakhe abandakanyeke ekunyamekeleni icala lakhe losapho.Ngelishwa, amadoda asayamkela le nto kwaye oku kuya kuba ngumzekelo oxhaphakileyo wezinto ezichitha umtshato.

12. I-monster eluhlaza yomona

Enye into eyenziwa ngabayeni abaninzi ebulala uthando emtshatweni ukuba nomona lonke ixesha. Ungaphazami akhomntu ucela ungamhoyi umfazi wakho. Kuvakala kamnandi xa indoda yakho ikhusela kancinci ngawe kwaye iba nomona kanye ngamaxesha athile. Kukwenza uzive ufunwa ukusa kumlinganiselo othile. Nangona kunjalo, xa obu butyebi buhamba ngaphezulu, bunokonakala kakhulu.

UMabel, umfoti oneminyaka engama-31 ubudala, wayesazi ukuba umyeni wakhe uphethwe nguye kwaye wayengakuthandi ukuhlala namadoda – into ekwakufuneka ayenze kakhulu xa eqwalasela umsebenzi wakhe. Wayenethemba lokuba ekuhambeni kwexesha wayeza kuyeka ukungazithembi. Kodwa xa eqala ukuya kukudubula kwakhe kwaye wenza i-ruckus kwiiseti zakhe, wayesazi ukuba kuya kufuneka athathe amanyathelo aqatha. UMabel uthi, “Umona yinkangeleko engamfanelanga mntu.” Okubuhlungu kukuba, ezi zizinto abayeni abazenzayo ukuze bawuchithe umtshato wabo.

13. Ukungakhathali kubudlelwane babo kuyawubulala umtshato

Akukho nto ichaza intshabalalo kubudlelwane ngaphezu komntu oye waba ukhululekile kubudlelwane bakhe nosapho lwakhe. Akachithi xesha nawe kwaye akakubuzi emva kwakho okanye abantwana. Xa uqhubeka umxelela malunga nosuku lwakho okanye okwenzekileyo ngabantwana esikolweni, uba nomsindo okanye angabi namdla. Olu luphawu lomyeni notata ombi.

Liyinyaniso elokuba, ekuphela kwabantu obathabatha lula ngabo basondeleyo kuwe. Yaye xa ukhululekile kwimeko yentsapho yakho, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba ubani angazikhathazi kancinane. Kodwa undoqo kulwalamano oluphumelelayo kukugcina ulungelelwano. Ukuba uyindoda kwaye awufuni ukuphuma kwindawo yakho yokuthuthuzela ngenxa yabantu obathandayo, khumbula ukuba abayeni abanjalo batshabalalisa yonke into.

Nantso ke, uludwe lwezinto ezenziwa ngabayeni ukutshabalalisa umtshato wabo. Ukuba utshatile kumfana onjalo, lixesha lokuba ube nentliziyo-to-ntliziyo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba 'unguye' loo mfo, lixesha lokuba unyuke kwaye usebenze ngaphambi kokuba umonakalo ungaphaya kokulungiswa.

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