Xa sithetha ngokunyaniseka, kuthi qatha imifanekiso yamajoni akhaliphileyo anxibe izixhobo zokulwa enomqolo omnye komnye ebomini nasekufeni. Enye into efuna ukunyaniseka ngokupheleleyo luthando. Xa ukhathalela umntu, unxibelelwano lujika ngokuzenzekelayo lube lulwalamano oluthembekileyo. Ukunyaniseka kuphuma ngaphakathi kwaye akukho nto ifihlakeleyo ngayo.

Uthando (andithethi nje ngohlobo lothando) luhlanganiswe nokunyaniseka. Enye idla ngokuvelisa enye. Xa uziva unomdla malunga nesizathu, iqabane, okanye umhlobo ubophelelekile ukuba ubakhusele kwaye ume ngakubo. Ngokufanayo, ukuba unyanisekile komnye umntu, udla ngokumkhathalela. Njengoko benditshilo, umntu akanakubakho ngaphandle komnye.

Ukanti into enyanzelisayo, imigca inokuba mfiliba nayo. Ngokukodwa, xa ufumanisa ukunyaniseka kwakho kutshintsha okanye kubi ngakumbi xa usiva intwana yokungcatsha kubudlelwane bakho. Ingcebiso yesayikholoji yengqondo Nishmin Marshall, owayesakuba ngumlawuli kwi-SAATH: Iziko loThintelo lokuzibulala kunye nomcebisi kwi-BM Institute of Mental Health, usinceda siqonde ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukunyaniseka nokuthembela kubudlelwane.

Kuthetha ukuthini ukunyaniseka kubudlelwane?

Nishmin uyachaza: “Ukunyaniseka kubalulekile kulwalamano, kuyaluqinisa ulwalamano yaye lwenza ulwalamano lomelele ngakumbi.

Nangona kunjalo, ukunyaniseka kunokuthetha izinto ezahlukeneyo kubantu abahlukeneyo kwaye kulapho imiba ikhula khona. Kuhlala kukho ingxaki malunga nokuba kubandakanya ntoni na ukunyaniseka kubudlelwane. Kukho iintlobo ezimbini ezisisiseko zokunyaniseka kubudlelwane - ngokweemvakalelo kunye nezesondo.

Ukunyaniseka ngokwesondo kwenzeka xa umntu engaphambuki kwiqabane lakhe elikhethiweyo. Loo nto ayithethi ngokuyimfuneko ukuba neqabane elinye kuphela. Unokuba ukuthandana nabantu abaninzi ngexesha elinye ukuba bonke ababandakanyekayo bayazi kwaye bayavumelana nobudlelwane. Kukunyaniseka oko.

Nangona kunjalo, xa kuziwa ekuthembekeni ngokweemvakalelo, izinto ziba nzima. Oko elinye iqabane likubona njengokulungileyo nokusesikweni, elinye iqabane lisenokukujonga njengokunganyanisekiyo kwaye lizive likhubekile kwaye lingcatshiwe. Ngoko umntu ubonisa njani ukunyaniseka nokuthembela kubudlelwane? Makhe sihlolisise iindlela zokukunceda uqonde.

Ukubonisa Njani Ukunyaniseka Kubudlelwane?

Ukuba sonke besinokuthetha ngokutyibilikayo oko sikuvayo, ngoko ihlabathi beliya kuba nemibala engakumbi, kwaye ubomi ngebube lula ngakumbi. Kodwa ngelishwa, akunjalo. Ngelixa uninzi lwethu ngaxeshanye lungakwazi ukuveza kakuhle indlela esiziva ngayo, abanye bethu basoyikeka kakhulu.

Kwaye ke kukho uhlobo lwesithathu abangayikhathalelanga kwaphela naziphi na iingcebiso, ezifihlakeleyo okanye ngenye indlela. Ngaphandle kokuba uyipelele kubo, ngoonobumba abangqindilili be-neon, baya kuhlala bengenalwazi. Nokuba uwela kweliphi na icandelo, unokuxhamla ekuqondeni okunzulu malunga nendlela yokuba nobudlelwane obunyanisekileyo. Nazi iindlela ezilula zokubonisa ukunyaniseka kubudlelwane:

1. Uvelwano kunye nokuxhasa iimpawu ezisisiseko zobudlelwane obunyanisekileyo

UNishmin uthi “Umntu kufuneka abe nokuqonda kwaye ukuxhasa amaphupha eqabane lakho kunye neminqweno. Kufuneka unyuse iqabane lakho, endaweni yokulithoba. Inika iqabane imvakalelo yokuxhotyiswa. Baza kuziva ukuba benze into elungileyo kutyalo-mali kubudlelwane. ”

Umhlaba unzima njengoko unjalo, kwaye wonke umntu ulwa needemon zakhe. Ukuthoba umntu xa esokola ebomini kukukhohlakala. Kwaye xa iphuma kubathandekayo bakho, ikubulala kancinane ngakumbi. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba wenze izigqibo ezimbi. Kodwa ukuba yinto entle, ke uyawunkcenkceshela eso sithole, nokuba sincinci kangakanani na okanye singabalulekanga.

2. Sixhathise isilingo

URachel noSabastian babeneminyaka bethandana ngoku. Kwaye njengoko kusenzeka ngobudlelwane bexesha elide, ubomi benzeke kubo kwaye ubudlelwane babo balahlekelwa bubuhle bayo. Ngoko xa uSabastian wadibana noKaren, uKaren, wazibona sele etsaleleka kuye.

Ekuqaleni, wazama ukuwutyeshela lo mtsalane. Kodwa, wathi akubona ukuba wayecinga ngaye kakhulu yaye ekhangela iindlela zokuthetha naye, waqonda ukuba uyatyibilika. USabastian wayesazi ukuba ukunyaniseka kubalulekile kubudlelwane, kwaye wagqiba ekubeni lixesha lokuhlambuluka kuRakeli malunga nale nto kwaye umxelele yonke into.

URakeli wayesazi ukuba kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukutsaleleka kwabanye abantu ngoxa usathandana. Wamqinisekisa uSebastian ukuba wayengacaphukanga yaye wayeyixabisa into yokuba eze waza wathetha naye ngaloo nto. Baye bagqiba ekubeni basebenze ngakumbi kubudlelwane babo kwaye babuyise ubudlelwane intlantsi kwaye uyigcine iphila kubudlelwane babo bexesha elide.

USebastian waqaphela ubuncwane bomfazi awayethandana naye, yaye kwiinyanga ezintandathu kamva, wayeguqe ngedolo ephethe umsesane waza wamcela ukuba atshate naye. Uye wathi EWE!!!

NONE We had a Loyal Relationship but umfazi wam wafunyanwa ene STD

3. Xoxa ngeengxaki zobudlelwane kunye neqabane lakho kuqala

Le yenye yezona mpawu zingaphantsi kobudlelwane obunyanisekileyo. Ulwalamano ngalunye lunamahla ndinyuka, yaye kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuzityand’ igila kumhlobo wakho xa usengxakini. Nangona kunjalo, kungcono ukuthetha neqabane lakho kuqala malunga neengxaki zobudlelwane bakho hayi i-BFF yakho. Ubudlelwane bakho bobakho wedwa. Nayiphi na imiba eninayo kuya kufuneka niyijongane nani nobabini ekupheleni kosuku.

Ukubandakanya abantu abaninzi kuya kudala ingxabano ngokungeyomfuneko kwaye kubangele inzondo. Ayisayi kuchaphazela ulwalamano lwenu omnye komnye kuphela kodwa ikwachaphazela wonke umntu obandakanyekileyo. Kwaye nangona nina nobabini ninokwenza omnye nomnye, i-equation yakho nabanye isenokungahlali injalo.

4. Ukwenza izicwangciso ezinkulu? Qhagamshelana neqabane lakho kuqala

Enye impazamo eyenziwa ngamaqabane amaninzi ngokungazi ayithethi neqabane labo ngaphambi kokuba benze izicwangciso. Ngaba ayivakali njengento enkulu kangaka? Ewe, kunjalo. Isenokungabonakali incinci xa ukhetha iimpahla okanye indawo yokutyela oza kudibana kuyo. Kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu xa usenza izigqibo ezifana nokutyala imali, ukufaka isicelo sokuthunyelwa kweendawo zemisebenzi, okanye ukufumana isilwanyana sasekhaya.

Olunye lweempawu zobudlelwane obunyanisekileyo kukuthathela ingqalelo iimfuno neminqweno yeqabane lakho. Yi bonisa ukuba uyathandwa ngaphandle kwemiqathango kwaye uya kuxhaswa kuyo yonke imizamo yakho. Kodwa, xa uqala ukuthatha olu lwazi lula kwaye utyeshela izimvo zeqabane lakho, uzenza kakubi kakhulu. Kwaye oku kunokudala umsantsa omkhulu kubudlelwane bakho. Oku kundizisa kwinqaku elilandelayo.

5. Beka phambili iqabane lakho

Uthando nokunyaniseka zizalwa enye kwenye. Xa umthanda umntu, ubeka iimfuno zakhe ngaphezu kwezabanye abantu, kuquka nezakho. Kulapho kwezona zandla zincinci zifana nokumnika owona mqamelo ukhululekileyo okanye ukumnika esona silayi sikhulu sepitsa.

Izenzo ezincinci zibonisa ukunyaniseka kwakho kumntu omthandayo. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba unokuba nobudlelwane obunyanisekileyo, ke vele ubeke phambili iqabane lakho. Ilula ngolo hlobo ngenene.

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Awunakunyanzela ngokwenene ukunyaniseka. Abantu bayahambelana nomntu abafuna ukuhambelana naye. Banyanisekile kwabo bafuna ukunyaniseka kuye. Ukunyaniseka akulolizwi nje, imvakalelo, okanye ingcamango, sisiseko okwakhiwa kuso ulwalamano. Bubuncwane obunqabileyo, kwaye kulula ukuphulukana nabo. Ngoko ke, ukuba uyayifumana, yigcine.

Nangona kukho iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zokunyaniseka kubudlelwane, zonke zinezinto ezifanayo. Ngezantsi kukho ezinye iimpawu ezixhaphakileyo kubo bonke ubudlelwane obunempilo abanokuthembeka. Ndiyathemba iyakunceda.

1. Ulwalamano olunyanisekileyo lunokunyaniseka

UNishmin uthi: “Umntu onyanisekileyo uya kunyaniseka kuwe kwaye angabinanjongo ifihlakeleyo. Ukuba bayavumelana nawe, uya kufumana inkxaso yabo epheleleyo. Ukuba abavumelani nawe, baya kukwazisa oko nawe.”

Nokuba uthini na umphumo, umntu onyanisekileyo uya kuba nomdla kuwe entliziyweni. Kwaye baya kwenza nantoni na ekufuneka yenziwe ukukunceda kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi. Akuyi kubakho kuhanahanisa kwindlela yabo ngakuwe.

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2. Baya kumela wena kunye nawe

Ukuba umntu uthi "ndinomqolo wakho", ngoko unokuqiniseka ukuba uthembekile kuwe. Xa unyanisekile emntwini awupheleli nje ekuphakameni naye, ekuxambulisaneni, uphinda ummele xa engekho ukuze azikhusele.

Baza kubakho kuwe xa izinto ziba nzima, nokuba kukugula, okanye a ukuphulukana nomntu omthandayo. Baza kumbetha loo mntu ukugxekayo emva komqolo wakho okanye bagalele amanzi abandayo entloko. Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, uya kuphindezelwa. Unokuthembela kubo.

3. Baya kuvuya ngenxa yakho

UNishmin uthi: “Umntu onyanisekileyo kuwe akayi kuba nomona ngempumelelo yakho, enokuba ubomi bakhe buhamba njani na, akayi kukuphoxa ngenxa nje yokuba ukwimeko embi.”

Ngamanye amaxesha xa kukho ukungabikho kokunyaniseka kubudlelwane, iqabane lisenokuziva lingakhuselekanga malunga nempumelelo yeqabane labo. Badla ngokuthelekisa ubomi babo nobomnye umntu. Kwaye ukuba bafumanisa ukuba kukho into enqongopheleyo, abanakukwazi ukuyiyeka. Bayalibala ukuba lubudlelwane, hayi ukhuphiswano.

4. Ukunyaniseka ngokweemvakalelo kubalulekile kubudlelwane

Xa uGeorge wafumanisa ukunganyaniseki kukaDiane, wothuswa kukuba umfazi wakhe weminyaka eli-12 wayenokwenza oku kuye. Ngamanye amaxesha wayeziva ukuba uDiane ukude kwaye bangathethi kangangeentsuku. Wayecinga ukuba iminyaka eli-12 yomtshato inokukwenza oko ebantwini yaye xa sele ekulungele, wayeza kuthetha naye ngoko kumkhathazayo. Kodwa xa wadibana noDiane, wayikhanyela yonke into.

UDiane wabonisa zonke iindinyana zakhe kuGeorge waza wabonisa ukuba akukho nto yayiqhubeka ngokwesini. Kwaye yayiyintetho yonke. UGeorge wachaza ukuba kukho iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zokunyaniseka kubudlelwane kwaye akufuneki ukuba kube ngokwesondo ukuze kube kubi. “Umthumelela umyalezo, thetha ngomnqweno wakho wokuba kunye naye unesithukuthezi kubudlelwane bakho bangoku kwaye kufuneka azive ngcono. Utyale kuye ngokweemvakalelo,” utshilo uGeorge kuye.

UDiane wayeyiqonda into awayeyenza ephosakeleyo. UDiane noGeorge bathetha ngayo baza bakwazi ukulungisa izinto phakathi kwabo.

5. Iqabane lakho liya kukuxhasa

Akunakwenzeka ukuba uvumelane nayo yonke into ethethwa okanye eyenziwa liqabane lakho. Kuya kubakho ukungavisisani kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ukuphoxeka ngokunjalo. Ngaphandle kwazo zonke iiyantlukwano, xa kukho imfuneko, iqabane lakho liya kukubuyisela kubudlelwane obunyanisekileyo. Oku kunikwa xa kungekho ntswelo yokunyaniseka kubudlelwane.

Iqabane lakho aliyi kuma kuwe kuphela xa kuhamba nzima, kodwa baya kuba ngumoya phantsi kwamaphiko akho. Baza kukunika lonke uncedo abanako ukukunceda ufezekise amaphupha akho. Ziya kukukhuthaza xa uziva uphantsi, zikutyhale xa ungenawo amandla okuhamba, zize zikubambe xa yonke into ibonakala ngathi iyawohloka.

6. Baya kukuxabisa ukuzinikela

Kulwalamano olunyanisekileyo, ukuzinikela kubaluleke kakhulu. Ukuzibophelela akuthethi nje ukugcina isithembiso. Kukwamalunga nokungagungqi, ukuzinikela, kunye nokuqiniseka ukuba ujongane kwaye usebenze ngemiceli mngeni obuphoswa bubomi kuwe, kunye.

Umntu onyanisekileyo uya kubonisa iimpawu zokuzibophelela kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bakhe. Nokuba ngumsebenzi wabo okanye ubudlelwane okanye iinjongo zabo ebomini, abayi kulahlwa amaphupha abo okanye wena xa iimeko ziba nzima. Kunoko, baya kuqiniseka ukuba bayayilungisa loo miba baze bayicombulule. Xa kukho ukunyaniseka kunye nokuthembela kubudlelwane, umntu obandakanyekayo akanakuze abe ngumhlobo onesimo sezulu esilungileyo.

7. Kukho ukuzincama kubudlelwane

Umntu othembekileyo kuwe uya kuyicingela iminqweno yakho. Baza kubeka iimfuno zakho phambi kwezabo kwaye babe nokuqonda imeko yakho kunye nayo yonke loo nto ngaphandle kokulindela nayiphi na imbuyekezo.

Umntu onyanisekileyo akakhathali nokuba unokuba luncedo kuye okanye akunjalo. Uthando lwabo alunamiqathango. Kubo, ulonwabo neemvakalelo zakho zibaluleke kakhulu kwaye baya kuhlala becinga ngawe kunye nefuthe izigqibo zabo eziya kuba nazo kuwe.

8. Banoluvo oluqinileyo lobuqu kunye nemida yokuhlonipha

Imida ibalulekile kubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Banceda ukugcina imvakalelo yomntu ngamnye kunye indawo yobuqu kubudlelwane. Inceda ukwakha intlonipho kubantu ababandakanyekayo kubudlelwane. Xa umntu enemida esekwe kwimigaqo yakhe kunye nenkqubo yenkolelo, kufuneka bahloniphe neyakho.

Xa umntu ekuthanda, uya kukuthanda ngenxa yokuba ungubani kwaye olo thando alunakuguqulwa ngamandla angaphandle. Abayi kuba yi-pushover, kwaye kwangaxeshanye, qiniseka ukuba akukho mntu unokukugxotha.

9. Ukuthembeka yinto ephambili

Ukuba i-OST yochungechunge ABAHLOBO ikukhumbuza ngeqabane lakho, ke qiniseka ukuba unobudlelwane obunyanisekileyo. Umntu onyanisekileyo unokuthenjwa yaye unokuthembela kuye ukuba uya kukufeza oko akuthembisileyo. Abasayi kuluphepha uxanduva. Baya kwenza nantoni na ukuqinisekisa ukuba abamphoxi umntu abamthandayo

Unokuxhomekeka kumntu othembekileyo ukuba abekho kuwe xa umdinga-kwaye nokuba awumfuni.

Ukunyaniseka kuza kwiimilo ezahlukeneyo kunye nemibala. Abantu abahlukeneyo bayibona ngokwahlukileyo. Kuya kuhlala kukho iindawo ezithile ezingwevu. Kwaye kukuwe kunye neqabane lakho ukufumanisa imida yakho enzima, yintoni enokunyamezeleka, kwaye yintoni engamkelekanga kwaphela.

Kodwa inye into eqinisekileyo, ukunyaniseka kubudlelwane kunokufunyanwa phakathi kwabantu abatyale imali kubudlelwane. Kunzima kakhulu ukwazi ukuba umntu uya kuba ongathembekanga kuwe kwixesha elizayo okanye hayi. Kodwa, ukuba iqabane lakho linazo ezi mpawu, amathuba okuba bazinikele ngokwenene kuwe kwaye baya kuqhubeka benjalo.

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.