Imizekelo eyi-15 yoBuncinci obuBare kuBudlelwane-Sukulalanisa kwezi

Ngaba ulindele kakhulu kubudlelwane bakho okanye ucela okuncinci kakhulu? Ngaba uyamkela ubuncinci obuncinci kubudlelwane, okanye hayi nokuba, nangona unika yonke into onayo? Kulungile, kodwa umntu uchaza njani ubuncinane obulindelekileyo kubudlelwane? Kwaye unokwenza njani iqabane lakho liphile ngokwezinto ozilindeleyo kubudlelwane bakho? Ngaba ubudlelwane bakho okanye ubomi bothando buncitshiswe baba yinto ekruqulayo, phakathi kwemisebenzi ebhabhayo, imisebenzi yasekhaya, kunye noxanduva lwabantwana? Ngaba ushiywe ucela ubuncinci kwaye awukhumbuli ixesha lokugqibela iqabane lakho likwenza uzive ukhethekile?

Ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bukwimo yokuma okanye yokusinda, apho iqabane lakho lingakuniki ngaphezu kwezinto ezisisiseko (okanye akunjalo), funda. Ngoncedo lwempilo yengqondo kunye nomqeqeshi wokuqonda, Pooja Priyamvada (eqinisekisiweyo kwi Psychological and Mental Health Aid First from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health and University of Sydney ), ogxile ekucebiseni abantu abangaphandle komtshato, ukwahlukana, ukwahlukana, usizi, kunye nelahleko, ukubala ezimbalwa, siye sazama ukuhlola 'ubudlelwane obuncinane obuncinane' kwaye sabhala phantsi iingcebiso ezimbalwa ezisebenzayo ukukunceda ukulawula enye. Siza kukunceda wenze iqabane lakho liqonde
indlela yokwenza okungaphezulu kunobuncinci obungenanto kubudlelwane. Ke, ngaphandle kokulibazisa, masingene...

Yintoni eBare Minimum kubudlelwane?

Kunzima kakhulu ukuchaza 'ubuncinane obuncinane' kubudlelwane. Ukuyichaza ngokubanzi, ubuncinci obuncinci sisimbuku seemfuno ezisezantsi kubudlelwane. Kwaye oku kunokwahluka ukusuka kumntu ukuya kumntu, kuxhomekeke kumava abo, inkqubo yexabiso, inqanaba labo lotyalo-mali kubudlelwane, kunye nomnqweno wokuwenza usebenze.

Ingcali yethu I-Pooja uthi, “Ukunika nje ubuncinane obuncinane kuthetha ukugcina imeko ikhoyo kulwalamano, kungekho galelo lincinane okanye lingabikho ngokweemvakalelo. Kusenokukhokelela ekubeni iqabane lizive lixabisekile yaye lingabalulekanga kangako.

Siza kujonga ukuba ubuncinci buguquka njani ngenqanaba lobomi bomntu okanye ubuntu. Umntu uya kumisela ngokwendalo umgangatho ophantsi kubudlelwane babo ukuba bazimisele ukuyenza isebenze nokuba yintoni na, kwaye oku kunokuba ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi:

• Umntu ohluphekayo ukuzijongela phantsi inokubambelela kubudlelwane obuncinane obungenanto
• Umntu unokutyalwa kakhulu ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane ukuba ashiye iqabane lakhe ngenxa yokunganiki buncinci
• Abantu banokuba nemiba yokuncamathela kunye nokulahlwa, okuvela ekuxhatshazweni kwabantwana, kwaye bangakwazi ukuyeka iqabane elenza umgudu ophantsi kubudlelwane.
• Abantu abanoxanduva olufanayo, njengomntwana okanye umzali okhubazekileyo, banokulugcina ulwalamano luqhubeka ngokusekelwe kubuncinci obungenanto ekuhambeni kwexesha.
• Ukunqongophala kwemithombo yemali ezimeleyo kunokukhokelela abantu ukuba baxhomekeke omnye komnye kwaye baqhubeke nobudlelwane obuncinane obungenanto

Kwelinye icala, abanye abantu bamisela imigangatho ephezulu kwaye basenokungawamkeli ubuncinane obuncinane konke konke. Eminye imizekelo enjalo yile:

• Umntu ngaphandle nje kwe ubudlelwane obunetyhefu unonyamezelo oluphantsi lobuncinci besoka okanye intombi
• Abantu abayaziyo into abayifunayo ngokweenjongo zobomi okanye ukuhambelana bahlala bengangeni kubudlelwane obuncinci.

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Imizekelo eli-15 yeMigangatho eNcinci encinci kuBudlelwane

Ukusuka ekwamkeleni iinzame ezincinci kubudlelwane bakho ukuya ekubeni nobuncinci obulindelekileyo kubudlelwane - musa ukuvumela umdlalo wamagama ukubhidanise. Olu tshintsho lulula kakhulu, kwaye silapha ukulucacisa. Ekubeni ubudlelwane buxhomekeke, njengokuba abantu ababandakanyekayo, kunokuba luqili ukuqonda ukuba yeyiphi imigangatho yobudlelwane obuncinane. Kodwa le mizekelo ilandelayo yeemeko zemihla ngemihla kubudlelwane bothando iya kusinceda sifumanise ukuba zeziphi ezinye zezinto ezibalulekileyo kubudlelwane:

• Akukho mpatho gadalala: Kufuneka kubekho ukunganyamezeli nayiphi na indlela ukuxhatshazwa kubudlelwane. Yaye oku kuquka ukuxhatshazwa ngamazwi nangokwasemzimbeni, ukubizwa ngamagama, ukungathethisani, kunye nokunyeliswa ngokweemvakalelo
• Akukho ziqhulo ezikhubekisayo: Akukho qabane kufuneka lenze iziqhulo ezikhubekisayo malunga nenkangeleko yelinye iqabane, umsebenzi, abahlobo, okanye usapho. Kwaye ukuba umntu uhlekisa iqabane lakhe esidlangalaleni, yiflegi enkulu ebomvu
• Umda weemfihlo ekwabelwana ngazo: Amaqabane kufuneka akhumbule ukuba kufuneka enze omnye nomnye azive ekhuselekile kwaye anike indawo engenasigwebo sokutya kunye nokwabelana ngeemfihlo. Omnye akufanele asebenzise iimpazamo zexesha elidlulileyo zeqabane lakhe okanye nantoni na enye ababelana ngayo ngokuzithemba ngokuchasene nabo kuyo nayiphi na ingxabano yexesha elizayo

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• Indawo yokuthi "uxolo": Uxolo emva kwengxabano eshushu kuyimfuneko kunye nemfuneko esisiseko ukuze ubudlelwane buphile
• Isithuba samaqabane omabini: Ukuvumela wena kunye neqabane lakho ukuba nibe nobomi bentlalontle ngaphandle kobudlelwane kuyimfuneko. Kungenjalo, ubudlelwane bunokuba ngumqobo kumaqabane omabini
• Ukubeka phambili iqabane likabani: Umntu kufuneka enze iqabane lakhe lizive ngathi libalulekile, ngokuphendula iitekisi zabo kunye nokuphendula iifowuni zabo. Nokuba umntu uxakekile, makayicacise kwaye aphendule ngokukhawuleza kangangoko anako
• Ukwenza imvume ibalulekile: Imvume ingundoqo, kuzo zonke izigqibo, nokuba kubudlelwane obusondeleyo, utyalo-mali lwemali, okanye ezinye izibophelelo. Zonke izigqibo ezibalulekileyo kufuneka zithathwe emva kwengxoxo enzulu omnye nomnye
• Ukuba kukho omnye komnye: Nokuba yingxaki yezemali, isigulo esinganyangekiyo, okanye ukukhubazeka, ukuba ubudlelwane bubalulekile, ubuncinci obuncinci buya kubandakanya ukubakho omnye komnye (kungekhona nje ukubakho ngokwasemzimbeni, kodwa nokuzibophelela ngokwasemoyeni) ngamaxesha okuzama kunye nokunceda ubudlelwane budlule ebunzimeni.

• Ukunyaniseka: Ukunyaniseka kwikamva likabani, umsebenzi, iingxaki zentsapho, okanye nawuphi na omnye umbandela obalulekileyo afanele aphile ngawo.
• ukuthembeka: Ukuzibophelela akufanele kube yinto yokugqibela kubudlelwane. Umntu kufuneka akulungele ukuyeka ukudlala ngothando xa exabisa ubudlelwane
• Ukuhloniphana: Ubudlelwane abukwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kokuhlonelana, kwaye oku kubandakanya intlonipho yeqabane likabani okanye iqabane lothando elikhetha indlela yokuphila, indlela yokunxiba kunye nomsebenzi.
• Ulwalamano: Ngaphandle kwesiqhelo ukusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni, isibini sifanele sityale imali kwezinye iindlela zokusondelelana, njengokusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo. Ubudlelwane abunakuphumelela kwisini sodwa
• U bubele: Ukuba nobubele, ngakumbi xa iqabane linosuku olunzima, kubalulekile. Kubalulekile ukubanceda baphume, bamamele, kwaye ubavumele baphume
• Ulawulo oluncinci: Ubudlelwane buyaphela xa elinye iqabane lizama ukulawula elinye. Kusenokungabikho ukulingana okuthe ngqo kubudlelwane, ngokwemali yekhaya okanye eminye imiba, kodwa ukuziphatha okulawulayo akufuneki kukhuthazwe konke konke.
• Inkxaso efanayo: Ubudlelwane bukhula xa amaqabane exhasa iinjongo zobomi bomnye nomnye kwaye abhiyozele impumelelo encinci, njengokunyuselwa okanye ukufundiswa. Inkxaso efanayo iyimfuneko ukuze ubudlelwane buphumelele, kwaye oku kubandakanya ukubakho ngokwasemzimbeni kwiziganeko ezinkulu zobomi beqabane lakho

Izinto ezi-8 onokuthi uzenze ukuba awufumani nobuncinci ubuncinci kubudlelwane

Indlela olubonakala ngayo ulwalamano oluhle lunokwahluka kwisibini ngasinye. Nanku umzekelo omhle: ukukhumbula imihla ebalulekileyo kunye nokuzibhiyozela kunye kunokuba kubaluleke kakhulu kwisibini esinye kodwa kusenokungabalulekanga kangako kwesinye. Kodwa kukho izinto ezithile kubudlelwane ezinokuthi zithathwe njengezona zincinci kwihlabathi liphela. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba awufumani nobuncinane obuncinane othandweni? Uhlangabezana njani neentlungu zokungahoywa okanye zokungahoywa liqabane lakho okanye iqabane lothando?

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Kweli candelo, siya kukukhokela kwiingcebiso ezimbalwa ezisebenzayo eziza kukunceda ukulungisa lo mba. Ngezi ngcebiso, unokuvumela iqabane lakho ukuba likwazi ukwenza okungaphezulu kobuncinci obungenanto kubudlelwane. Ezi ngcebiso ziya kukufundisa indlela yokubeka ubudlelwane obufanelekileyo kunye ukuthandana imigangatho. Ngoko, silindele ntoni? Masiqale. Nazi izinto ezisi-8 onokuthi uzenze ukuba uziva ngathi awufumani buncinci ubuncinci kwiqabane lakho:

1. Ukunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo

Unxibelelwano oluhle lusisiseko solwalamano oluhle. Unxibelelwano aluvumeli kuphela uthando olunempilo, kodwa luyanceda ekusombululeni ingxabano. Ke, ukuba awufumani nobuncinci ubuncinci kwiqabane lakho, lixesha lokuthatha inyathelo. Nantsi into onokuyenza ukuba ufumana iqabane lakho lisala ukumamela okanye lithethe:

• Qalisa unxibelelwano olunempilo: UPooja uthi, “Okukhona unxibelelwano lungcono, kokukhona ulwalamano lungcono.” Ke, thatha inyathelo lokuqala kwaye uvumele iqabane lakho likwazi ukuba uziva njani kwaye zithini iimfuno zakho
• Gxi ninisa impawu zomzimba: Ngaphandle kokunxibelelana ngomlomo okanye ngokubhaliweyo, ulwimi lomzimba lukwadlala indima ebalulekileyo. Gcina ujongana ngamehlo, bamba iqabane lakho ngothando, qalisa ukwanga, kwaye ubenze bazive ufuna ukufikelela kuye.
• Misela imida yonxibelelwano: Cwangcisa imigaqo efana nokuziqhelanisa nokuphulaphula ngexesha ebekuvunyelwene ngalo ngaphambili kwifowuni okanye uthembise ukuba nantoni na oyithethayo ukwimeko esengozini ayisayi kusetyenziselwa ukulwa nawe kwixesha elizayo.

2. Nika ingqalelo kwiimfuno zakho kunye neminqweno

Ngaba uqinisekile ukuba iqabane lakho liyazazi iimfuno zakho? Kuthekani ngezinto ongaziceliyo ngomlomo? Ngaba banokufunda phakathi kwemigca kwaye baqonde ukuthula kwakho? Ngaba banalo naluphi na uluvo lwento engaphezulu kobuncinci obunqabileyo kubudlelwane?

UPooja uthi, “Jonga kwiimfuno zakho, nokuba zikho iimfuno ezibalulekileyo zeemvakalelo okanye iimfuno ezisisiseko zengqondo, ngokwesini okanye zemali.” Nje ukuba ukwazi ukuchonga iimfuno zakho kunye neminqweno, unokwazisa iqabane lakho ukuba zihlangatyezwana nokuziva kubonwa kwaye kukuva ubuncinci obulindelwe ngumntu kubudlelwane.

• Uphoxekile ngenxa yomsebenzi okanye nayiphi na eminye imiba
• Ufuna uncedo ngemali yekhaya okanye imisebenzi yasekhaya
• Unqwenela ukuzama ngesondo

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3. Yakha uqhagamshelwano

Uqhagamshelo ngokuqinisekileyo yenye yezona mfuno zibalulekileyo kubudlelwane kwaye ikwinqanaba eliphezulu kuluhlu lwezinto ezilindelekileyo kubudlelwane. Ukuba unxibelelwano lusisiseko, unxibelelwano phakathi kwesibini luyiglu elubambayo kunye. UPooja ucebisa ngelithi, “Qhagamshelana nazo zonke iinkalo zobomi beqabane lakho—umsebenzi wabo, abahlobo babo, usapho lwabo olwandisiweyo.”

UGqr. John Gottman, isazi ngengqondo saseMelika esiphambili, ubiza “laa nxalenye yengqondo yakho apho ugcina khona lonke ulwazi olufanelekileyo malunga nobomi beqabane lakho” a imephu yothando. Okukhona iinkcukacha imephu yakho yothando, ngcono ulazi iqabane lakho, kwaye uqhagamshelo lomelele.

Ukukhuthaza unxibelelwano olungcono, unga:

• Yiba neengxoxo ezinzulu malunga nobomi bakho ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho
• Xoxa ngomsebenzi wakho kunye neenjongo zakho zomsebenzi
• Xoxa ngencasa yakho eguqukayo, nokuba kukutya, imihla eyonwabisayo, uhambo, isondo, okanye indlela ophila ngayo.

4. Khulisa ubuntu bakho

Nangona unxibelelwano lubalulekile kubudlelwane, lunokuba ngumgibe ngokulula onokukwenza uphulukane nobuntu bakho. Nabuphi na ubudlelwane buba yi-claustrophobic ukuba ubuntu bamaqabane abuhlonitshwa. UPooja uthi, “Kubalulekile ukuba ubani aphathe iqabane lakho njengento eyandisiweyo, kodwa kungekhona njengenxalenye yakho.

Ubuncinci obuncinci, okuthetha iimfuno ezisisiseko, kubudlelwane bakho kufuneka bubandakanye ukudala kunye nokuhlonipha imida ethile kunye nokukhuthaza imvakalelo inkululeko kunye nokhuseleko lomntu ngamnye. Yiba ngqongqo malunga nale mida ukuze ufumane ngaphezu kobuncinane obuncinane eluthandweni. Nantsi indlela ongayenza ngayo loo nto:

• Zibuze, “Ukuba bekunganyanzelekanga ukuba ndizikhathaze ngokutya komntu wonke, bendiya kufuna ukutya ntoni?
• Chitha impelaveki ngaphandle kweqabane lakho, ukudibana nabahlobo abasenyongweni
• Gxila kuyo nayiphi na into eyenza uzive wonwabile, nokuba kukufunda okanye ukubhukisha iseshini ye-spa
• Kanye ngexesha, vuka kwiyure ngaphambili okanye uthathe usuku kwaye uchithe ixesha lam ukwenza into oyithandayo kwaye uzenze uzive ukhethekile.

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5. Yenza iqabane lakho liqonde imvume

UPooja uthi, "Ukuqonda imvume kubalulekile, ngalo lonke ixesha, kuyo yonke into okanye ingcinga." Ngelixa sithetha kakhulu malunga nemvume malunga nokusondelana ngokomzimba, uPooja ngokufanelekileyo uzisa indima yemvume kwezinye iinkalo zobomi besibini kunye. Uthi: “Ukucela iqabane lakho imvume yokwenza izigqibo ezifanayo yenye yeendlela ezinyanisekileyo zokubonisa intlonelo ngalo.” Oku kubonisa ukuba asikhange sithatyathwe lula.

Ke, xa uziva ukuba imvume yakho ayixatyiswanga liqabane lakho, nantsi into onokuyenza:

• Qinisekisa ukuba iqabane lakho linengxoxo enzulu nawe ngaphambi kokuba wenze nantoni na ebalulekileyo okanye wenze isigqibo ngobomi, njengokushiya umsebenzi, ukuthenga indlu, okanye ukufudukela kwisixeko esitsha.
• Bazise ukuba awukho kwisimo sengqondo esilungileyo kwitheko lasekhaya, phambi kokuba bameme abahlobo
• Benze baqonde ukubaluleka kwemvume ebhedini

6. Yiba novelwano

Uvelwano lubalulekile ku a ubudlelwane obuphilileyo kwaye ibandakanya ukuzibeka kwizihlangu zeqabane lakho kwaye ujonge iingxaki zabo ngokwembono yabo. Oku kudala inqanaba lonxibelelwano kunye nokuqonda okubalulekileyo ukuze ubudlelwane buphumelele. Nantsi indlela onokulukhulisa ngayo uvelwano kubudlelwane bakho:

• Zivulele iqabane lakho kwaye ubazise ukuba kutheni uyenza into ngendlela oyenza ngayo
• Ziqhelise ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo, njengoko oku kuya kuqeqesha wena neqabane lakho ukuba nibe novelwano ngakumbi omnye komnye

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7. Gxininisa kuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane obusondeleyo

Ngoku, xa sithetha ngokuthandana, asifuni kuthetha nje ngeentlobano zesini. Ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kubudlelwane bunamacala amaninzi, bunwenwela ukuya kutsho kwizesondo, ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwasengqondweni, nangokwasemoyeni. Ukuba iqabane lakho lenza ubuncinci obuncinane kubudlelwane bakho, mhlawumbi bajonga ubudlelwane bezesondo njengendlela yokusondela, ngaphandle kokugxila ekuqondeni okunzulu.

Noko ke, ukwenza ezahlukeneyo iintlobo zobudlelwane obusondeleyo kubudlelwane, kufuneka ubeke ingqalelo ekukhuliseni unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo kunye nengqondo kunye neqabane lakho, kwaye ngokuphambeneyo. Ngaphandle kokuba iqabane lakho lityalwe ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane, ubudlelwane bakho buya kuswela isiseko esiluqilima. Le yindlela onokwenza ngayo iqabane lakho libandakanyeke kubudlelwane obusondeleyo ngaphaya kwesondo

• Yakha ukuthembana kubudlelwane ngokwabelana nabo ngeemfihlo ongazange wabelane ngazo nomnye umntu, kwaye ubazise
• Ngolunye utshintsho, zibandakanye kumdlalo wangaphambili okanye ukubambana ngokusondeleyo ngaphandle kokwabelana ngesondo
• Hambani kunye okanye nithabathe umsetyenzana wokuzonwabisa eniwonwabelayo nobabini ngexesha lenu lokuphumla
• Chitha ixesha kunye yonke imihla, nokuba yimizuzu eyi-15 ngaphambi kokuba ulale

8. Bonisa uthando

Uthando ngumsonto obamba yonke into kunye. Iyintoni ingongoma yokuba abantu ababini bahlanganisane ukuba kungekhona ngenxa yomnqweno womntu wokuthanda nokuthandwa? Kodwa uthando lunokuba ludala ukuba ithathwa njengesiqhelo okanye engahoywanga. Ezinye izibini ngokwenene zinokubonakalisa uthando ngaphandle kokuzicacela. Kodwa uthando sisenzo esisebenzayo kunye nesazela, kwaye kunjalo nobudlelwane.

Kuya kufuneka usebenze kubudlelwane mihla le kwaye ubonakalise uthando ngokubonakalayo ukwenza iqabane lakho liqaphele uthando lwakho. Nje ukuba iqabane lakho lizazi ukuba lixatyiswe kwaye lixatyiswe, liya kuthi kancinane lisuke kwimo ekhoyo 'yobuncinane obuncinane' kwaye benze iinzame ezisebenzayo zokusindisa ubudlelwane.

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Ke, kuya kufuneka uxelele iqabane lakho ukuba uyalithanda kwaye ulikhathalele. Bazise ukuba yintoni engaphezulu kobuncinci obunqabileyo kubudlelwane. Nantsi indlela ongayenza ngayo kwaye ubancede bahambe imayile eyongezelelweyo:

• Bapheke ukutya abakuthandayo kube kanye kwaye ubamangalise
• Beka inqaku elithi 'enkosi' efrijini ngento abakwenzele yona
• Tyala imali komnye nomnye - thenga izipho, phuma ngeentsuku zokuzonwabisa, splurge ngobusuku bothando, kwaye nichithe ixesha kunye
• Bafowunele ngeyure yesidlo sasemini ukuze nje basebeze izinto eziswiti kwaye ubenze bazive bonwabile
• Bancome kwaye ubenze bazive bekhethekileyo

Siyathemba ukuba awushiywanga uzibuza ukuba ngaba ufumana ubuncinci obuvela kwiqabane lakho (okanye akunjalo). Siyathemba ukuba ngoku uyazi malunga nendlela yokumisela imigangatho kubudlelwane. Ukuba unesithandwa esincinci okanye intombi erhuqa ubudlelwane, ngaphandle komzamo, musa ukuhlala emva. Yeka ukwamkela ubuncinci obuncinane kubudlelwane kwaye uthathe inyathelo, nokuba utyalwe kakhulu ngokweemvakalelo ukuba ube ngqongqo.

Ubudlelwane obunobuncinci bomzamo ovela kwelinye iqabane aliyi kuba nomda wothando, ukukhula komntu, okanye uvuyo ukuba ucinga ixesha elide. Kodwa khumbula, ukucela ubuncinci obunqabileyo kwiqabane lakho kuya kuwonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho ngokuthe ngcembe. Ke, funda ukuqonda okulindelekileyo kubudlelwane bakho, seta imigangatho yobudlelwane, lungisa izinto ozilindeleyo kuluhlu lobudlelwane, kwaye ungavumeli ubuncinci bubambe umva.

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Indlela Yokuyeka Ukucinga Ngokugqithisileyo Emva Kokuqhathwa-Ingcaphephe icebisa Iingcebiso ezi-7

35 Bonding Imibuzo Ukuze Abatshatileyo Ukomeleza A Ubudlelwane

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