Indlela Yokudlula Ukuthatheka: 17 Amaqhinga Wengqondo

Ukuthatheka kungaba yinto enzima futhi edla yonke into, ikwenze kube nzima ukugxila kunoma yini enye ngaphandle kwalowo muntu othathe inhliziyo nengqondo yakho. Ngokuvamile kuzwakala njengesivunguvungu sesasasa, isifiso, nokulangazelela, kodwa ngaphansi, kungase kubangele ukuphazamiseka kwemizwelo, ukuthatheka ngokweqile, ngisho nobuhlungu benhliziyo. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungakuqeda kanjani ukuthatheka, le ndatshana ingeyakho.

Ukuze siphendule imibuzo efana nokuthi “Kusho ukuthini ukuthandana nomuntu?” kanye nokuthi “Ngingabhekana kanjani nobudlelwano bokuthandana?”, sixoxe nodokotela wezifo zengqondo oseCalifornia kanye nochwepheshe wezokuziphatha kwengqondo, uDkt. Shefali Batra (MD kwezokwelapha ngengqondo). Ugxile ekwelulekeni ngokwehlukana kanye nesehlukaniso, ukuhlukana nokuthandana, kanye nezinkinga zokuhambisana ngaphambi komshado.

Kuyini Ukuthatheka?

Ukuthatheka yilowo muzwa oyisivunguvungu okwenza ucabange ukuthi, “O Nkulunkulu wami, nakhu!” Uhlangana nomuntu futhi kungazelelwe, yikho konke ongacabanga ngakho. Abakathumeleli nombhalo, futhi usuvele ucabanga ikusasa kanye nesilwane esifuywayo. Kodwa kuyini ngempela ukuthatheka? 

UDkt. Batra uthi, “Kuwukuhlangenwe nakho okujulile okungokomzwelo, okuvame ukudidaniswa nothando, kodwa okuhluke ngokuphelele. 

USabrina, umklami wezithombe oneminyaka engu-26 ubudala, wabelane nathi ngale ndaba. “Kwakukhona indoda eyayisebenza komunye wemisebenzi engangiyisebenzela, engangiyithanda kakhulu. Ngangingazi okuningi ngaye futhi ngangingakaze ngikhulume naye. Kodwa engqondweni yami, ngangicabanga ngobuntu bakhe kuze kube semininingwaneni emincane, njengohlobo lwe-pasta ayithandayo nokuthi ungumuntu wezintaba noma othanda ulwandle. Ngaphenduka insizwa ephelele, ngiphupha emini nokunye. Kodwa, lapho ngikhuluma naye ephathini, ngathola ukuthi wayengeyena nhlobo umuntu engimthandayo futhi yonke imizwa yaphela ngokushesha.”

Ukuqonda incazelo yokuthatheka kukusiza ukuthi ukhombe lapho uhlangabezana nakho futhi ukuhlukanise nokuxhumana okuqotho.

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Izimpawu Zokuthatheka

Ukuthatheka kuvame ukuzifihla njengesifiso esinamandla noma uthando, kodwa okuhlangenwe nakho ngokomzwelo kungahluka kakhulu othandweni uma kuqhathaniswa nokuthatheka . Ngokuvamile kuhilela imicabango, imizwa, kanye nokuziphatha okungalingani neqiniso lobuhlobo. Nazi ezinye zezimpawu ezibonisa ukuthi ungase ube nokuthatheka kothando ngokusho kochwepheshe:

1. Uzifela ngabo

Olunye lwezimpawu ezigqame kakhulu zokuthatheka ukungakwazi ukuyeka ukucabanga ngomuntu. Lokhu kungabukeka kanje:

• Ukuhlola njalo amaphrofayili abo ezinkundla zokuxhumana
• Ukuphupha ngabo emsebenzini
• Idlala kabusha konke ukusebenzisana engqondweni yakho

UDkt.

2. Uzenza zibe ngcono

Kusho ukuthini ukuthanda umuntu? Kusho ukubuka umuntu ngezibuko ezinombala obomvu. Uvame ukungawanaki amaphutha akhe futhi ukhulise izimfanelo zakhe ezinhle, ubenze babonakale bephelele emehlweni akho. Lokhu kuqonda kungaholela ekudumazekeni kamuva lapho iqiniso lingahambisani nokulindela okuphezulu ozibekele kona. Ubudlelwano obuhle busekelwe ekuboneni umuntu ukuthi ungubani ngempela, okuhlanganisa nokungapheleli kwakhe.

3. Uhlale ucabanga ngokubahlaba umxhwele

Yonke isenzo noma isinqumo sithonywa yisidingo sokuqashelwa noma ukuqinisekiswa yilo muntu. Kusukela ekushintsheni ukubukeka kwakho nokuziphatha kwakho kuya ekwenzeni konke okusemandleni akho ukuze umjabulise, uzithola umatasa kakhulu ngokwenza umbono omuhle. Nakuba kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukubukeka kahle kakhulu ngomuntu omthandayo, ukuthanda umuntu kuvame ukuholela ekuziphindiseleleni ngokweqile, ngezinye izikhathi okubangela ukulahlekelwa nguwe.

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4.Unomona ongenangqondo ngomuntu ozibukayo

Ngisho nokusebenzelana okuvamile ababa nakho nabanye kungavusa umhawu omkhulu nokungazethembi. Ungase uzizwe usongelwe abangane babo, abantu obajwayele, nanoma ubani obonakala edonsa ukunaka kwabo, ngisho noma singekho isizathu sangempela sokuzizwa ngale ndlela. Lo mhawu ongenampilo ubangelwa ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa uthando lwabo futhi ungaholela emizweni engalungile, enjengokuphatha nokukhathazeka.

Ngenkathi umngane wami, u-Taylor, ethatheka ngomakhelwane wakhe, wayevame ukwabelana nami yonke imininingwane encane ngakho, njengoba kwenza abangane. Wayengitshela izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Ngimbonile ekhuluma nenye intombazane ohambweni lwakhe lwasekuseni. Bebehleka ndawonye. Ngethemba ukuthi akukho okwenzekayo phakathi kwabo. Mhlawumbe kufanele ngiqale ukuthatha uhambo lwasekuseni nami.” Futhi kusobala ukuthi ngangijwayele ubuso bezandla futhi ngizame ukumenza umqondo, njengoba kwenza abangane. 

5. Uku-rollercoaster yemizwa

Ukuthatheka ngomunye umuntu kuvame ukubangela ukwehla okukhulu ngokomzwelo nokwehla okukhulu. Ungase uzizwe ujabulile lapho uthola umbhalo ovela kubo, kodwa uphawu oluncane lokungabi nasithakazelo noma lokunganaki lungakuthumela engqungqutheleni yokungabaza nokudabuka. Le rollercoaster engokomzwelo yenza kube nzima ukugcina ibhalansi empilweni yakho, njengoba injabulo yakho ibonakala incike ngokuphelele endleleni abasabela ngayo kuwe.

Ukuqaphela lezi zimpawu zokuthatheka kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuqonda imizwa yakho nokubuyisa ukucaca ngokomzwelo. Ngokwenza kanjalo, ungaqala ukuhlola imicabango nezenzo zakho ngobuqotho, uvula indlela yobudlelwano obunempilo kanye nesimo esizinzile ngokomzwelo.

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Ukunqoba uthando lokuthatheka kungaba yinselele, ikakhulukazi uma ugcwele imicabango nemizwa eyenza umuntu abonakale sengathi ungumuntu wakho wonke. Ukufunda ukuthi ungakunqoba kanjani uthando lokuthatheka kumayelana nokuthatha isinyathelo sokubuyela emuva, ukubuyisa umbono, kanye nokuthatha izinyathelo ezingenzeka ukuze uthole inkululeko yemizwa. Nasi isiqondiso sendlela yokususa umuntu ekhanda lakho futhi uyeke ukukhathazeka kakhulu ngothando lokuthatheka:

1. Vuma ukuthi uthathekile

Isinyathelo sokuqala sendlela yokuqeda ukuthatheka siwukubona ukuthi lokho okuzwayo akulona uthando lweqiniso; kuwukukhuphuka kwemizwa okudlulayo. Lolu hlobo lokuthatheka luholela ekuhlaziyeni ngokweqile izenzo ezincane, njengempendulo yombhalo esheshayo, futhi kuzihumushe njengesenzo esihle. Ukukuvuma lokhu kubalulekile ukuze siqhubekele phambili.

2. Khawulela ukuthintana

Kunzima ukudedela ngokomzwelo uma nihlala nithumelelana imiyalezo noma niphendula yonke iposi. UDkt. Batra uyeluleka, “Qala ngokunciphisa ukuxhumana kwakho; kuzokusiza ukuthi uqede umjikelezo wokuthembela.” Themba ukuthi ungachuma ngaphandle kwezithombe zabo zansuku zonke noma imiyalezo ethi “Sawubona”.

3. Yekani ukuhlola izinkundla zokuxhumana

Ubudlelwano bokuthanda izinto ezibonakalayo buvame ukuqina ngokulandelwa njalo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana . Ukuthatha ikhefu ekubuyekezweni kwabo kuzosiza ekunciphiseni isifiso sokuhlola impilo yabo futhi kukhulule ingqondo yakho eziphazamisoni ezingadingekile.

4.Ungawacabangeli

Akekho ophelele. Kulula ukwenza zonke izici zomuntu othatheke zithandeke zithandeka kuye, kodwa zama ukumenza abe ngumuntu. Khumbula, banamaphutha, izinto ezingalungile, nokungapheleli njengawo wonke umuntu, futhi abanasici njengoba ingqondo yakho ethathekile ibenza babe yikho.

5. Cabanga ngamaphutha abo

Uzibuza ukuthi ungamsusa kanjani umuntu ekhanda lakho? Cabanga ngezimfanelo zakhe ezingathokozisi kangako ukuze ulinganisele i-idealization. Uyakhumbula leyo ngxoxo yesidlo sakusihlwa esinohlangothi olulodwa lapho babekhuluma khona ngabo kuphela? Kuyisikhumbuzo esihle sokuthi lokhu kungase kungabi ubuhlobo obuphelele obucabangayo.

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6. Khuluma nabangane bakho

Abangani bakho bakwazi kakhulu futhi bazokusiza ubone izinto ngokucacile. Bazophinde bakukhumbuze ngalezo zici ezingakhangi kakhulu zokuthatheka kwakho, njengesikhashana se-karaoke esikufanelekela ukuxega, ukuze ubeke izinto ngendlela efanele. Futhi ngithembe, kumnandi kakhulu nakubangane.

Esikoleni, sasinomngane eqenjini lethu, owayeba nokuqothuka ngokushesha. Njalo ngemva kwesonto, kwakukhona othile “owayentshontshe inhliziyo yakhe”. Futhi sasiba neseshini yonke njalo, sibala izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Unekhala elikhulu” noma “Umbhalo wakhe wesandla unonya” (Ungahluleli, sasisebasha). Iphuzu liwukuthi, yasebenza ngaso sonke isikhathi. Walahlekelwa imizwa ngemva kwalezi zikhathi. 

7. Ziphazamise

Enikeza iseluleko sendlela yokuqeda ukuthatheka, uDkt. Batra uthi, “Thola okuthile ukuze ugcine ingqondo yakho imatasa futhi uvimbele ukuba ungazulazuli kulokho okwenzekayo.” Ungakwazi:

• Thola umsebenzi omusha wokuzilibazisa
• Bheka lo mbukiso obukade ufuna ukuwubona isikhathi eside
• Hlola ezemidlalo ezintsha
• Yiba khona usuku olulodwa ubusuku

Ukuzibandakanya emisebenzini oyijabulelayo kungakunikeza isiphazamiso esihle futhi kukusize ugxilise kabusha ukugxila kwakho empilweni yakho. Lokhu kungenye yalawo maqhinga angokwengqondo ukuze uzenze ujabule.

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8. Gxila kuwena

Lesi yisikhathi esifanele sokuzinakekela nokuzithuthukisa . Ziphathe njengoza kuqala, futhi uchithe isikhathi emisebenzini ekwenza uzizwe kahle, kungaba ukufunda incwadi, ukupheka iresiphi entsha, noma ukuzinakekela.

9.Musa ukwenza izinto eziqondane zibe nothando

Uma ufuna iseluleko sokuthi unganqoba kanjani ukuthandwa, nansi enye. Yeka ukubona konke ukuhlangana kwemibono njengesibonakaliso esivela endaweni yonke. Izintshisekelo ezifanayo azikwenzi ngokuzenzakalelayo ube abangane bomphefumulo. Ukuthanda uhlobo olufanayo lwe-pizza noma umculo akusho ukuthi kufanele nibe ndawonye.

10. Gwema izindawo abajwayele ukuvakashela kuzo

Isinyathelo esikhulu sendlela yokukhipha umuntu ekhanda lakho ukuziqhelelanisa nezinto ngisho nezindawo ozihlanganisa nalowo muntu. UDkt. Batra uthi, “Uma ulingeka ukuba “uhlangane nabo” endaweni yokudlela abayithandayo, gwema isifiso.

11. Khuluma nabantu abasha

Qala ukuzibandakanya ezingxoxweni ezintsha nabanye abantu. Nakuba kungadingeki ugxumele ebudlelwaneni obusha, kuyasiza ukuzikhumbuza ukuthi kukhona abanye abantu abathakazelisayo abangase bafane nawe kangcono.

Omunye wabangane bami besilisa wayelokhu ekhala ngale ntombazane, ayeyicelile kodwa yona yayingenasithakazelo. Samcebisa ukuthi aqale ukuhlola ukuqomisana ku-inthanethi noma aye ebhawa ukuyofuna omunye umuntu, kodwa wenqaba ukuqhubeka. Kwaze kwaba ngolunye usuku, lapho simhudula khona saya ephathini futhi ekugcineni, wahlangana futhi, ungakukholwa, wahamba nentombazane kusenesikhathi.

12. Hleka ngakho

Thatha isinyathelo emuva futhi ubone amahlaya ekuthathekeni kwakho. Ukuhleka ukuthi uhlaziye kangakanani uhlu lwabo lwadlalwayo noma lokho "momotheka kwesekhondi elilodwa" kuzokusiza ubone isimo njengesibucayi kakhulu futhi kukunike umbono olula.

13. Yeka ukuthi “okungaba khona”

Iphupho lokuthi “lokho obekungaba khona” alilutho ngaphandle kwefilimu yengqondo oyidalile, futhi aliyona into engokoqobo. Yeka le ndaba ecatshangelwe bese ukhumbula ukuthi uthando lweqiniso lwakhiwe ngaphezu kwalokho obekunethemba lokuthi kungenzeka.

14. Kubhale phansi

Ukuveza imicabango yakho kujenali noma ukuthulula kumngane oseduze kungakusiza ukhulule imizwa evale phezulu. Gwema isifiso sokwabelana ngale micabango nomuntu othatheke kuye; kunalokho, thululela isifuba sakho kumuntu okusekelayo.

15. Ungabuyekezi izinkumbulo

Yeka ukuphinda udlale konke ukuxhumana noma ukumamatheka abakunike khona. Lezi zikhathi azisho lukhulu njengoba zibonakala uma zibhekwa ngeso lokuthatheka. Vumela ingqondo yakho iqhubekele phambili kulezi zinkumbulo ezidlulayo.

16. Nquma ukuphupha emini

Nansi indlela yokuyeka ukuthanda ngokweqile. Noma nini lapho uzithola uphupha ngekusasa nabo, phazamisa ngokushesha lowo mcabango. Cabanga ngokuthile okugxilile, njengomkhuba wabo ocasula kakhulu, ukuze uzibuyisele eqinisweni.

17. Zinike isikhathi

Lesi yiseluleko esisebenza kakhulu sokuthi unganqoba kanjani ukuthandwa . Yonke imizwa iyaphela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, futhi ukuthatheka akuhlukile. Themba ukuthi lo muzwa onamandla uzodlula, futhi maduze nje, uzokwazi ukubheka emuva uzibuze ukuthi kungani wake wazizwa ukhathele kangaka kwasekuqaleni.

Imicabango Final

Ukweqa ukuthatheka kuyinqubo edinga ukuzazi, ukubekezela, nokuzimisela ukubeka inhlalakahle yakho kuqala. Ngokubona izinkomba zokuthatheka futhi uthathe izinyathelo ezisheshayo zokukhawulela ukuthintana, ugweme ukwenza izinto ngendlela efanele, futhi ugxile kuwena, ungakwazi futhi ukulawula imizwa yakho futhi ubone izinto ngokucacile. 

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