Amathiphu angu-9 Asekelwe Ochwepheshe Okuxazulula Ukungqubuzana Okunempilo Ebudlelwaneni

Ukungqubuzana ebudlelwaneni kungase kungaxazululi ngenxa yezincazelo ezinamandla ezingezinhle kanye nemizwa engathandeki ewuvezayo, kodwa futhi akunakugwenywa. Ukungqubuzana kubangelwa ukungezwani kwemibono, futhi lapho abantu ababili behlangana ukuze bakhe ubudlelwano bothando, lokhu kwehluka kuzovela nakanjani. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuzulazula kulo mehluko nokungavumelani iwukuzihlomisa ngamakhono afanele nezindlela zokuxazulula izingxabano ebuhlotsheni.

Ngakho-ke, uyazibuza ukuthi ungaxazulula kanjani izingxabano ebudlelwaneni obunempilo? Noma ukuthi ungaxazulula kanjani izingxabano ezivame kakhulu emshadweni? Konke kumayelana nokusingatha ukungezwani kanye nokungezwani ngesikhathi sokuvuthwa nokusindisa ubudlelwano ekuqhekekeni. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sokweluleka uShazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), ochwepheshe ngokwehlukana kanye nokwelulekwa ngokwehlukana, usisiza siqonde ukuthi singakwenza kanjani lokho ngokukhanyisa amaphethini ezingxabano kanye nokuphathwa kwezingxabano ebudlelwaneni.

Ngabe Kubukeka Kanjani Ukuxazululwa Kwengxabano Okunempilo Ebudlelwaneni?

Izingxabano nakanjani zibe khona ebudlelwaneni bothando. Abekho abantu ababili abangavumelana kuzo zonke izinto. Futhi uma ufaka abantu ababili ebudlelwaneni futhi ubacela ukuthi babelane ngezimpilo zabo, lokho kungaboni ngaso linye kuzodala izinkinga ngesinye isikhathi. Eqinisweni, konke ukungezwani okuncane emshadweni kungase kube ingxabano enkulu. Kulo mongo, umbhali odumile nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Harriet B. Braiker uthe, “Ukungqubuzana kungasingathwa ngendlela eyakhayo futhi kufanele kusingathwe ngendlela eyakhayo; uma kunjalo, ubudlelwano buyazuza.”

Ekhuluma ngokubaluleka kokuxazulula izingxabano ebudlelwaneni noma emishadweni , uShazia uyachaza, “Izingxabano zingabizwa ngokuthi ukungavumelani noma impikiswano phakathi kwabantu ababili abanezizinda ezahlukene, izindinganiso, imibono, kanye nezinhlelo zezinkolelo. Ngokuvamile, izingxabano empeleni zingaba nempilo ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa uma seziba zimbi, ukuzixazulula kuba yinto ehamba phambili, futhi yilapho lawa masu okubhekana nezingxabano ebudlelwaneni eqala khona. Ngakho-ke, khumbula, konke kumayelana nokususa izingxabano ezingaphilile ebudlelwaneni.”

Kodwa ingabe ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana okunempilo kungenzeka ebuhlotsheni? Yebo, kunjalo. Nansi indlela ebukeka ngayo:

• Ukuthi ningalwa ubusuku bonke, akusho ukuthi anithandani ngokujulile. Udinga ukusebenzisa amasu okuxazulula izingxabano ukhumbula ukuthi ufisa ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano
• Amathiphu okuxazulula izingxabano amasu nje okuzulazula ukungezwani kwabo futhi ungabavumeli bathole uthando lwabo olungcono.
• Abaqinisekisi ukuthi izinkinga ngeke zisaba khona ebudlelwaneni bakho
• Okushiwo ngempela ukuthi udinga ukufunda ukubekela eceleni ukungezwani kwakho, wamukele kakhudlwana omunye umuntu, futhi uthole indawo ephakathi ukuze ukwazi ukusebenzelana nakho.
• Ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana okunempilo emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside kuhlanganisa nokubeka imingcele ecacile nenempilo. Imingcele efanele iphinde ikusindise ekucindezelekeni ngokomzwelo

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Uzixazulula Kanjani Izingxabano Ebudlelwaneni - Amathiphu ayi-9

Nakuba bonke ubudlelwano buhlukile, kuhlale kukuhle ukuba nenqolobane yemibono ongabhekisela kuyo futhi uyisebenzise uma kwenzeka ukuhlakanipha kwethu nokuzwela kungavumelani. Izitayela zokungqubuzana ebudlelwaneni ziyahlukahluka. Ngakho-ke, ukuze kuxazululwe ukungqubuzana, kubalulekile ukuqonda nombono wozakwethu. Uma sekushiwo lokho, cishe ulapha ngoba uhlezi uzibuza, “Indlela yokuxazulula izingxabano emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni?” Hhayi-ke, qhubeka ufunda ukuze uthole zonke izimpendulo ozidingayo.

1. Khumbulani, nibhekene nenkinga

Izingxabano eziningi phakathi kozakwethu zinomphumela owodwa oyisisekelo - ukuwina nganoma yiziphi izindleko. Cabanga ngalokho okwaziwa ngokuthi 'Inkinga Yeziboshwa'. Kulo mqondo, iziboshwa ezimbili zingabambisana ukuze zithuthukise amathuba azo okuphunyuka noma zikhaphele zodwa ukuze zithole imiklomelo ngayinye.

Uma zombili 'iziboshwa' zikhetha ukungethembi inhloso yomunye, zonakalisa amathuba okuphunyuka kuzo zombili. Lokhu kulingana nabantu ababili abaxabanayo futhi bacekela phansi ubudlelwano ngokuphelele. Khumbula ukuthi anina ngokumelene nomunye, nina nobabili enimelene nenkinga enikhona. Zombili izinhlangothi ezithintekayo kufanele zifinyelele esivumelwaneni esifanayo.

U-Shazia uyachaza, “Ukubambisana kungenye yezinyathelo ezibaluleke kakhulu zokuxazulula izingxabano.

Ungathuthukisa ukubambisana futhi uthathe igxathu eliya ekuxazululeni izingxabano ebuhlotsheni ngokuthi:

• Ukuhlala
• Banikezane isikhala
• Ukuqonda izidingo zomlingani wakho
• Ukudala imingcele enempilo
• Ukwenza umzamo wokubambisana ukuxazulula inkinga
• Ukugcina ithebhu enhlalakahleni yomzwelo yomlingani wakho

2. Gwema ukungezwani

Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma ngihlangabezana nanoma yiziphi izibonelo zokungqubuzana ebudlelwaneni, into yokuqala engisabela ngayo ukuzitshela ukuthi, “Yima kancane, cishe asikhulumi ulimi olufanayo.” Cishe njalo isebenza futhi uzoqaphela lokhu futhi. Eqinisweni, ngokuvamile, okubangela ukungqubuzana emshadweni kuwukungaqondi kahle okwashiwo umngane womshado. Nokho, amagama owakhethayo angenza noma aphule ubuhlobo bakho. Uma umlingani wakho engaqondwa kahle, amazwi anjalo angase alimaze imizwa yakhe ngendlela engenakulungiseka.

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Ezimweni ezinjalo, udinga:

• Qonda ukuthi abekho abantu ababili abakhuluma ulimi olufanayo noma abasebenzisa amagama afanayo endaweni efanayo
• Nikeza omunye umuntu inzuzo yokungabaza uma eqala ukusebenzisa izihlamba noma amagama ahlambalazayo
• Yiba nomqondo ovulekile futhi ucabange ukuthi bangase babe nombono ohlukile
• Qaphela i indima yolimi lomzimba futhi, njengoba ezinye izenzo zakho zingamcasula umlingani wakho

U-Shazia uyanezela, “Ukuxazulula izingxabano emshadweni kungenzeka uma umbhangqwana uzama ngakho konke okusemandleni ukuthi ufinyelele ukuqondana. Kungenzeka ukuthi abantu ababili bakhuluma izilimi ezimbili ezihlukene futhi ngokuvamile kwenzeka lapho sicindezelekile ngokomzwelo futhi sivame ukukhuluma ngolimi olufika ngokwemvelo kithi ngaphandle kokucabanga. Ukwengeza, umuntu kufanele anakekele izinkomba ezingasho lutho zokuxabana ngendlela enempilo.

3. Bheka isithombe esikhulu

Ngakho-ke, ucasulwa ukuthi umyeni wakho ukhohlwe ukugeza izitsha futhi noma ucasulwa ukuthi umkakho ubelokhu ebanda kakhulu futhi ekude nawe muva nje. Lokhu kwanele ukuthi uguquke ube yibhola lomlilo, uvunguze ungene egumbini lokuphumula, futhi uqale impi yeshumi leminyaka. Kodwa lapho uthatha isinyathelo emuva futhi uzama ukuhlaziya okwenzekayo, ungase ubone ukufaneleka okuncane engxabano yabo futhi.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi umlingani wakho akakaze enze iphutha noma ukuthi ubulokhu umthethisa ngokunganaki. Kungenzeka ukuthi kunezinto eziningi okufanele uziqonde ukuze ubone isimo kangcono. Mhlawumbe ukhohliwe ukugeza izitsha ngoba ube nobusuku obude bokudla. Mhlawumbe umkakho uzenza sengathi uqhelelene ngoba unomphathi omusha ohlanyayo emsebenzini. Hlola isimo kuzo zonke izinhlangothi futhi uzoba umthandi ongcono kakhulu kumlingani wakho.

Nazi ezinye izindlela ezilula zokuxazulula izingxabano phakathi kwendoda nomfazi noma ezihlala isikhathi eside
ubudlelwano, ezimweni ezinjalo:

• Ziqhelelanise nendaba futhi ubheke isithombe sonke ngaphandle komcabango osuvele ucatshangwa ngaphambili
• Zama futhi ulahle umuzwa wakho wokulimala okwesikhashana futhi ube nenjongo
• Yamukelani amaphutha omunye nomunye
• Khohlwa i-ego yakho

UShazia uyavuma, “Ukuze ubone isithombe esikhulu umuntu kufanele nje ‘avume ukungavumelani’. Ukwamukela kuyisihluthulelo uma uzimisele ngokululama ezingxabanweni zobudlelwano bothando. Yenza umzamo wangempela ebudlelwaneni wokuhlonipha umbono womunye nomunye.”

I-4. Iba nomusa

Enye yezingxabano ezivame kakhulu emshadweni ukuba luhlaza. Eqinisweni, kuvame ukubhekwa njengento efanele ukukhuluma iqiniso kuze kube sezingeni lokuba luhlaza, noma ngabe kusho ukusho izinto ezibuhlungu engxabanweni. Uma ubudlelwano bungakwazi ukuthwala ubuhlungu kahle, abukwazi ukusinda. Kodwa lokhu kungaba enye yezinkinga ezinkulu kanye nezibonelo zezingxabano ebudlelwaneni.

Lapho isibopho esiphakathi kwabalingani sithintwa ukungaziphathi kahle noma ukungabi namusa, umuntu udinga ukuqaphela ukuthi ngenxa nje yokuthi useduze nomlingani wakhe, asikho isikhala sokulimaza ngamabomu. Nakhu okwenziwa ozakwethu ukugwema ukungqubuzana okungadingekile ezimeni ezinjalo:

• Ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana, yiba nobuntu ngenkathi uhlala kude
• Ungalahlekelwa ukulawula amagama akho, ulimi lomzimba, noma izenzo ngokufutheka
• Zama ukuqonda izinto ngombono wazo
• Gcina umbhalo walokho inhlalakahle yomzwelo yomlingani wakho

UShazia uyeluleka, “Amazwi ahlabayo angabangela izibazi ezijulile kangangokuthi zingamthinta kabi umlingani wakho. Kungase kuthathe isikhathi eside ukuphola kulezo zibazi. Umuntu kufanele abe sesimweni esingcono somzwelo ukuze aqonde umongo wenkinga.”

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5. Khipha ipulaki phakathi nengxabano

Ungayixazulula kanjani ingxabano ebudlelwaneni lapho nobabili nizizwa niqinile? Kuhle ukuthi uthathe ikhefu noma uphuze i-circuit breaker uma usempikiswaneni nomlingani wakho mayelana nezinkinga zomshado nezobudlelwano ezivamile.

Ngakho, nansi indlela ongayenza ngayo:

• Ungaphenduli ngokushesha
• Thatha isikhathi sokuphumula futhi udale ibanga elinempilo
• Cabanga ngendaba obhekene nayo ngomoya ozolile
• Lala ngale ndaba, uma kungenzeka, futhi ugxile kuyo ngakusasa ekuseni

UShazia uthi, “Ukuthatha ikhefu empeleni kungenza izimanga ekuxazululeni ingxabano yobuhlobo. Ngale ndlela, umuntu uthola isikhathi sokucabanga ngenkinga ngendlela ekhululekile, ngaphandle kwezinto ezimcindezelayo. Kungcono njalo ukuthatha isikhathi ukuze ukwazi ukuphendula kangcono kamuva. Imizwa ayifani futhi ishintsha kakhulu kunalokho ocabanga ngakho. Kokubili ukungqubuzana nemizwa kungokwesimo futhi kudinga isikhala nesikhathi.”

6. Ungafaki izinto ngokujwayelekile

Uma uphakathi kwengxabano nophathina wakho, gwema ukusho amagama anjengokuthi 'akasoze' nelithi 'njalo'. Izingxabano zikhula kuphela lapho ubeka icala kumlingani wakho, usho izinto ezinjengokuthi:

• Awusoze wenze imisebenzi yasekhaya
• Uhlala ukhathazekile ngomndeni wakho nabangane bakho futhi awukaze ngathi. Ezimweni ezinjalo, izingxabano phakathi kwendoda nomfazi nanoma yibaphi abantu abathandanayo ziba zimbi nakakhulu futhi umlingani wakho angase aqhamuke nezimpikiswano eziphikisayo ukuthi:
• Cashisa izinsolo zakho
• Letha amaphutha akho ambalwa

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7. Khetha izimpi zakho

Abashadikazi abaningi benza iphutha lokuxoxa ngazo zonke izihloko ezibakhathazayo lapho bexabana. Ngakho-ke, ngokwesibonelo, niqala ukuphikisana ngendlela esetshenziswa ngayo imali, bese kuthi lapho ingxabano ishube, nidlulele esikhathini lapho ebedlala ngothando nomngane wenu omkhulu noma ehlekisa ngawe phambi kwabazali bakhe. Ukungqubuzana kuyaqhubeka nokuba kukhudlwana, futhi akukho zimpawu zokuphela kwezingxabano zakho. Ngakho, ezimweni ezinjalo, kufanele:

• Okokuqala, khetha inkinga bese unamathela kuyo lapho nixabana
• Gxila esixazululweni kunokuletha izindaba eziningi okuzoxoxwa ngazo
• Thatha ezinye izinkinga ngesikhathi esisodwa
• Xolela ukhohlwe izinto ezithile ebudlelwaneni bakho

8. Ungasoli, ungajabhi, noma uhlulele

Indlela yokuxazulula ukungqubuzana ebuhlotsheni lapho bobabili bezizwa beqinile? Nokho, kuvamile ukuthi imibhangqwana izitike emdlalweni wokusola noma ikhulume amazwi acashile noma okwahlulela lapho ixabana noma ixoxa ukuze kuxazululwe izingxabano, ikakhulukazi lapho bobabili beqhutshwa imizwa. Kodwa lokho
kuphela kugcina kukhulisa igebe phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Kunalokho kufanele:

• Gwema ukubhuqa noma ukubiza ngamagama
• Gwema ukuziphatha okungenanhlonipho, njengokuphequlula iso noma ukubeka umunwe ophakathi nendawo phezulu
• Gwema ukuphuma ekamelweni ukuze wenze umlingani wakho azizwe engabalulekile

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9. Lalela

Enye yezindlela ezinkulu zokuxazulula izingxabano ukulalela umlingani wakho. Eqinisweni, ukulalela ngenkuthalo kuyisici esibalulekile sanoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuxhumana okuphumelelayo. Ngokufanayo, uma uxhumana ngempumelelo, akukhona nje ukuveza amaphuzu akho kodwa futhi nokulalela omunye umuntu nokuqonda lokho akushoyo. Ngakho-ke, yiba isilaleli esihle.

Ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana, kubalulekile ukuthi:

• Lalela okukukhathazayo umlingani wakho
• Hhayi banqamule phakathi
• Thola umsuka wokungaboni ngaso linye
• Finyelelani esixazululweni sobabili ngendlela enenhlonipho

Usazibuza ukuthi ungaxazulula kanjani izingxabano emshadweni? Sithemba ukuthi akunjalo. Ngisho nobudlelwano obuphumelelayo bunezingxabano eziningi. Sithemba nokuthi lesi sihloko sikunike ukuqonda okungcono kokuthi yini ebangela izingxabano emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni nokuthi umuntu kufanele axazulule kanjani izingxabano ebudlelwaneni. Lawa macebiso ochwepheshe avivinywa isikhathi eside. Ngakho-ke, qiniseka ukuthi usesendleleni efanele uma usuqala ukuwasebenzisa emshadweni wakho. Uma izinto zingakuhambeli kahle, naphezu kokufaka amasu okuxazulula izingxabano aphakanyisiwe lapha, ungakhetha ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana noma ukwelulekwa. Uma ufuna umeluleki ozokusiza uxazulule izingxabano phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, yazi ukuthi iphaneli labeluleki abanekhono leBonobology liseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

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Isisekelo Sobudlelwano Bakho Sibuthakathaka, Uma Ungabona Lezi zimpawu eziyi-8

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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