I-Relationship Chemistry - Iyini, Izinhlobo Nezimpawu

Izimpawu zamakhemikhali ahlangene phakathi kwabantu ababili zingaba umqondo onzima ukuwuchaza. Ingabe 'inhlansi' engaqondakali, engachazeki oyizwayo uma 'uchofoza' nomuntu othile? Ingabe kuwukukhangana ngokomzimba noma ingxoxo emnandi ngempela lapho enizwa khona ukuthi nobabili nisekhasini elilodwa mayelana nayo yonke into? Ingabe i-chemistry yobudlelwano iyibhulokhi yokwakha enkulu, noma singayenza ngaphandle kwayo?

U-Alex uyakhononda: “Kubukeka sengathi nginamakhemikhali angehlulayo angokwemvelo nabantu engingafani nhlobo nabo, ikakhulukazi ngosuku lokuqala,” kukhononda u-Alex, “bese ngiyohlangana nensizwa elungile kodwa engenaso ikhemistri. Okungenani akulona uhlobo olufanayo lokukhanga olusheshayo engivame ukukuzwa. Kuyoba kuhle ukukhuluma nabo nizihlalele futhi nichithe isikhathi esiningi ndawonye, ​​kodwa futhi kubonakala sengathi othile uzizwa unethezekile. kanye!”

Nakuba sikweseka ngokugcwele ukudonsa okuqinile ngokomzimba futhi sikwenza ngokuzithokozisa kwakho, ikhemistri ekahle ingakwazi futhi idlulele ngale kwaleyo nhlansi esheshayo yesigaba se-honeymoon ngamandla afanayo kubudlelwano. Sabuza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ochwepheshe be-CBT, i-REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwabashadikazi, ukuze uthole imininingwane ethile ngekhemikhali yobudlelwano, izinhlobo zayo, nezimpawu zokuthi unazo ngempela nozakwenu.

Kuyini Ukuhambisana Kobudlelwano?

"I-chemistry yobudlelwano imayelana nokuba nokuxhumana okuhle ngokomzwelo nomunye umuntu," UNandita uthi, "Abantu abaningi bayayididanisa nokuxhumana ngokomzimba, kodwa ukushuba komzwelo, nakho, kufanele kuphakame ngempela. Eqinisweni, lokhu kuxhumana kungabizwa ngokuthi inkanuko noma uthando. Ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwane, abantu bangase bathi uthathekile ngomlingani wakho lapho le chemistry isezingeni eliphezulu ngaso sonke isikhathi."

Umehluko phakathi kwamakhemikhali nokuhambisana, uNandita uthi, ngokuhambisana, sivame ukubheka isimo somuntu. amagugu obudlelwano abalulekile kanye nethuba lokuba khona kwabo okuhlala isikhathi eside ezimpilweni zethu. Uthi: “I-Chemistry imayelana nendlela esizizwa ngayo ngazo nsuku zonke, imfudumalo, isimo sengqondo esihle, isifiso sokuba ndawonye ngaso sonke isikhathi, nesidingo sokubenza bajabule.

Ngakho, uma kuziwa ekusebenzisaneni vs chemistry, yini ebaluleke kakhulu ebuhlotsheni? Phela, ubuhlobo obuhle bungaba nakho kokubili. Kulula ukubhala i-chemistry njengesidingo sesikhathi esifushane, futhi into efiphala kalula kunokuhambisana. Ngisho noma ikhemistri ingase iqale njengento esezingeni eliphezulu njengenhlansi ebangelwe ngenxa yokuthintana kwamehlo, igcina ivuleleke ebudlelwaneni obuhambisanayo, obuhambisanayo, obuboleka lowo mkhawulo wemfudumalo nesifiso elangabini elizinzile lokuhambisana nesikhathi esichithiwe. 

Ibaluleke Kangakanani I-Chemistry Ebudlelwaneni?

Lona umbuzo ovuthayo: ibaluleke kangakanani i-chemistry phakathi kwabantu abangu-2? U-Nandita uthi, "I-Chemistry ibaluleke kakhulu ebuhlotsheni. Lokho kusho, ngokuqinisekile ungaba nobuhlobo obuvikelekile, obuzinzile ne-chemistry encane noma engekho. Nokho, encwadini yami, yilapho isithukuthezi singangena khona. Uyazi ukuthi unokuthile okungase kuhlale futhi okuzohlala, futhi lokho kulungile. Kodwa uma ikhemistry iphezulu, kuba namandla nothando phakathi kombhangqwana, okwenza lokho kukhahlela okujabulisayo nothando okwengeziwe."

U-Dani, umfundi waseBerkeley, wabelana ngendaba yakhe, okuyisibonelo esihle sokuthi ikhemistri, noma ukuntuleka kwayo, kungaba nomthelela kanjani ebudlelwaneni. Uthi, “Mina nomyeni wami sesineminyaka engu-15 sindawonye ukukhangwa ukuthintana kwamehlo ngosuku lokuqala olwasisondeza komunye nomunye. Uyazi, uthando lweqiniso olusha. Sasindawonye sonke esikoleni esiphakeme nasekolishi, ngakho umshado wabonakala njengesinyathelo esilandelayo esinengqondo.

“Ngeke ngithi angijabulile, futhi ngiyaqaphela ukuthi ubudlelwano bomuntu siqu buyashintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kodwa nakanjani kukhona okushodayo, lowo mqondo wokuthi ‘ungumuntu wami, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani.’ Siyafanelana emshadweni kodwa akufani futhi angazi ukuthi ngingaluvusa kanjani uthando.”

Ubudlelwano buza ngazo zonke izinhlobo nobukhulu, ngakho-ke akukho lutho olungalungile ngalokhu. Kodwa akudingekile ukuba uphile ngokufisa futhi ufise impilo ehlukile. Ungakhetha ukuphuma ebuhlotsheni obunjalo, noma ucabangele ubudlelwano obuvulekile noma i-polyamory uma uthanda kakhulu.

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Okunempilo vs amakhemikhali angenampilo

Nakuba i-chemistry idlala indima ebalulekile ekuvuseni ubudlelwano bothando nokuyigcina, ingakwenza uzizwe ukhangwa ngabantu okungenzeka bangakulungeli. Kungakho kubalulekile ukuqonda umehluko we-chemistry onempilo vs ongenempilo ukuze ukwazi ukubona kahle ukuthi yini obhekene nayo.

Lapho kukhona i-chemistry enempilo futhi enhle ebudlelwaneni,

• Izinhlansi ziyandiza lapho abantu ababili bendawonye, ​​nokho, akukhona nje okuthakazelisayo. Ukuxhumana okujulile okungokomzwelo phakathi kwabo kugcina umlilo uvutha
• Ukugeleza kokuxhumana akulula. Uyakhuluma futhi ulalele ngaphandle kokuvinjelwa noma ukwesaba ukuziphindiselela
• Okwakhayo ukuxazulula izingxabano iyasetshenziswa. Nisebenza ndawonye ukuxazulula izinkinga ngokufinyelela esivumelwaneni nokuzwana
• Ukukhula kuyasekelwa futhi kuyakhuthazwa. Niyakhuthazana ukuthi nilandele izinhloso zenu futhi nibe yizimi kahle zenu

Ikhemikhali engalungile ebudlelwaneni,

• Yize ikhemistri yomzimba nokukhanga kunamandla ekuqaleni, kuzoba ukuphela kokugxila kokuxhumana kwakho
• Kukhona ukuxhumana okuqinile noma ukuntuleka kwakho. Laba bantu ababili banenkinga yokuxhumana nemizwa yabo kanye nokuqonda imibono yomunye nomunye
• Imikhawulo iphuliwe noma ayinakwa. Umuntu ngamunye uyavinjwa futhi isikhala somuntu siqu siyahlaselwa
• Ukukhula kungena esikhundleni sokuma nokunganeliseki. Izifiso namaphupho awanakwa noma adikibale

Khumbula, a ubuhlobo obunempilo nge-chemistry enhle phakathi kwabantu ababili kufanele ikwenze uzizwe uthandwa, usekelwe, futhi uphefumulelwe ukuze ufinyelele ukukhula komuntu siqu futhi kufanele kube nezimpawu ze-chemistry ezihambisanayo kanye nokuhloniphana. Nakuba umuntu ongenampilo angaqeda injabulo yakho nenhlalakahle engokomzwelo. Khetha ngokuhlakanipha futhi ukhulise i-chemistry eletha okuhle kakhulu kini nobabili kungakhathaliseki ukuthi i-chemistry iyivelakancane nomuntu. 

Ukuvumelana Vs Chemistry

I-Chemistry ebuhlotsheni bothando idala isifiso, kodwa ukuhambisana kuvutha ilangabi elihlala njalo. Ukungqubuzana kweziqhumane ngokumelene nokuzola kokushona kwelanga. Hhayi-ke, yini ebaluleke kakhulu ebuhlotsheni: i-chemistry noma ukuhambisana? Ukuze uthole ukwazi ukuphendula lokho, udinga ukuqonda ukuhambisana vs umehluko wamakhemikhali

Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, kukhona inhlanganisela yakho kokubili, lapho izinhlansi zindiza ngokwemvelo futhi izinhliziyo zithola isiphephelo ekugoneni komunye nomunye, njengoba uhamba endleleni yothando.

Izinhlobo Zekhemistry Yobudlelwano

Njengobudlelwane bufika kuzo zonke izinhlobo nosayizi, kukhona futhi amazinga ahlukene okuxhumana ebuhlotsheni. Uma uzibuza ukuthi i-chemistry isebenza kanjani ebuhlotsheni, kahle, ayikho indlela eyodwa. I-Chemistry ayilona nje uthando lwezothando noma ucansi, amahlaya nothando lwe-platonic owabelana ngalo nomngane oseduze nakho kuyikhemistri. Ikhemikhali yezothando iyisici esisodwa nje sobubanzi obubanzi. Ngokwereferensi yakho, nazi ezinye izinhlobo ze-chemistry yobudlelwano:

1. Ukukhangwa ngokomzimba

Kubantu abaningi, yilapho kuqala khona - nge-chemistry yomzimba. Lowo muzwa osheshayo wokukhangwa othile ngokomzimba, wazi ukuthi umthola ekhanga futhi ufuna ukwenza okuthile ngakho kodwa uqale ngobuqili ngokubukana kwamehlo isikhathi eside. Uma sikhuluma ngokulahlekelwa i-chemistry ebuhlotsheni, sivame ukubhekisela ekulahlekelweni kwe ukusondelana ngokomzimba kanye/noma ukungabi namakhemikhali ocansi.

Ukukhangwa ngokomzimba kubonakala kuzo zonke izimpawu ezijwayelekile zenhliziyo egijimayo, abafundi abavulekile, izimvemvane esiswini, njalonjalo. Ukuxhumana kungaqala ngokusondelana ngokomzimba, futhi kuphele lapho kufiphala. Lokhu akukwenzi kusebenze kancane inqobo nje uma kunokucaca ukuthi bonke abathintekayo bafuna isibopho somzimba kuphela.

Ungase futhi uzibuze ukuthi “Ingabe ukukhangwa ngokomzimba kungakhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngokuchitha isikhathi ndawonye?” Impendulo inguyebo, ngezinye izikhathi uhlobo oluhlukile lwamakhemikhali lungasondeza abantu ngokomzimba, okungagcina kuholele othandweni lweqiniso. Akwenzeki ngokulandelana komugqa.

2. Ukuxhumana ngokobuhlakani

Ingabe ukubukeka kunendaba ebudlelwaneni? Yebo, kodwa hhayi kuphela. Ukuxhumana okuqinile kwengqondo ebudlelwaneni phakathi kwabantu ababili kuhlale kuyiphuzu lokuhlanganisa. Yilapho lezo zingxoxo ezinhle zingena khona, lezo zinkulumompikiswano ezinde, ezijulile zasebusuku, indlela ohlala uyiqembu elihamba phambili ngobusuku be-trivia, njalo njalo.

Ukuxhuma ezingeni lobuhlakani kuyisibonelo sekhemistri ekahle ngoba kusho ukuthi ngeke uphelelwe ilukuluku lakho nokoma okwabelanwe ngalo lokuhlala nifunda izinto ezintsha ndawonye. Mhlawumbe niyathanda ukwenza amakilasi ndawonye noma nichithe isikhathi nikhuluma ngesayensi ngemuva kwemiqondo engacacile. Noma mhlawumbe awukwazi ukuthola okwanele lore in the Lord of the Rings izindaba. I-Intellectual chemistry isho ukuthi izingqondo zakho ziyafanelana!

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3. Ubuhlobo obungokomoya

U-Andie oneminyaka engu-37, ongumqondisi wezobuciko uthi: “Mina nomngane wami omkhulu sanquma ukutholwa sikhulise ingane ndawonye, ​​“Asibona abantu abathandanayo ngempela, kodwa sinokuxhumana. uhlala e ubuhlobo obungokomoya, nokuthi sihloselwe ukuba abazali ndawonye.”

Uma sicabanga ngezilinganiso ezihlukene zekhemikhali enhle ebuhlotsheni, ingokomoya liphezulu lapho. Uma unohlelo oluqinile lwenkolelo eyabiwe, i-chemistry yobudlelwano bakho nayo izoqina. Idlulela ngalé kokukhangwa ngokomzimba okubangelwa ukuthintana kwamehlo isikhathi eside. Lokhu kubalulekile uma ucabangela lokho okubaluleke kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bothando - i-chemistry noma ukuhambisana.

4. Isibopho esingokomzwelo

"Ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo kwakhelwe phezu kwezindinganiso zobudlelwano eziyinhloko zemigomo nezithakazelo okwabelwana ngazo," kusho uNandita. I-Emotional chemistry imayelana nokwazi omunye umuntu, ukubona ukuthi izitayela zakho zokuxhumana ziyahambisana yini, nokuthi uzizwa uphephe ngokwanele yini ukuba naye ukuze uvule futhi. vuselela ubungozi ebudlelwaneni. Lokhu kungahumushela nasekuhambisaneni ngokomzwelo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. 

Isibopho esingokomzwelo esabiwe sabantu abaningi singakheka ngokuxhumene ngokomzimba noma ngaphandle kwalokho. Indlela esizizwa ngayo ngabangane bethu abaseduze kakhulu noma amanye amalungu omndeni, abantu esingabenzela noma yini, iwukubonakaliswa kwekhemikhali egcwele imizwa. Uma ubuza, "Isebenza kanjani i-chemistry ebuhlotsheni?", kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi isebenza ngazo zonke izinhlobo zezindlela.

5. I-Creative chemistry

“Nginozakwethu engangingazwani naye ekuqaleni, ngangizibambele mathupha isithukuthezi ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kwezinyanga ezi-3 zokuba ngumngane wakhe wedeski. Ngemuva kwalokho, sobabili safakwa kuphrojekthi efanayo, futhi ngabona ukuthi i-chemistry yethu yokudala yayingekho emashadini. Sashayisana ngemibono, saba nombono ofanayo ngomphumela wokugcina, futhi ngisho nekhono lethu lobuciko lalihambisana nelinye,” kusho uCandace, 30, osebenza njengomklami wezithombe.

I-Creative chemistry phakathi kwabantu ababili yilapho unozakwethu obhalayo okubophezela futhi ethola ngokuphelele isitayela sakho sokubhala. Ziphinde zikusize ufunde izinto ezintsha. Nguzakwenu oqondayo ukuthi kungani ufuna ukubhekana nomsebenzi ngendlela ethile futhi akunikeze ulwazi lobuchwepheshe. Kungenzeka ngokuphelele ukuthi awuchofozi kunoma iyiphi enye indiza, kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi awukwazi ukuhlangana ukuze udale okuthile okumangalisayo!

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5 Izimpawu Unayo Ubudlelwano Chemistry Nozakwenu

Yiziphi izimpawu zangempela zekhemistri phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane kanye/noma phakathi kwazo zonke izinhlobo zobulili? Wazi kanjani ukuthi leyo nhlansi engachazeki, evame ukungachazeki ikhona futhi ikhuliswa yinina nobabili? Futhi, akekho, indlela eqondile yokunquma ukuthi unayo noma awunayo le chemistry. Ungathatha i-chemistry esivivinyweni sobudlelwano kodwa kubalulekile ukukhumbula nezimpawu ezithile zakhona. Nazi ezinye izindlela ezibonisa ukuthi, ngempela, une-chemistry enhle nomunye umuntu.

1. Ubheke ngabomvu ukubabona ekupheleni kosuku

"Kubonakala kuyinto encane, kodwa ukubuyela ebusweni obufanayo nomuntu usuku nosuku futhi empeleni ukulangazelela kuwuphawu lwekhemistri yobudlelwano obuhle, noma ngabe ubabheka njenge-chemistry. amalangabi amabili noma i-soulmate,” kusho uNandita.” Eqinisweni, lapho ucabanga ukulahlekelwa isayensi yokuthakwa kwamakhemikhali ebuhlotsheni bakho, enye yezimpawu eziyinhloko okufanele uziqaphele ukuthi awusafuni ukuza kubo.

Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside lapho i-chemistry kanye nokuxhumana ngokomzwelo, kungabuna ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukuhambisana nobuhlobo bothando kunzima, uma kungenjalo kunzima kunokuhambisana nabakwaKardashians. Ngakho-ke, qaphela izinto ezincane - ama-molecule we-chemistry yobudlelwane.

2. Uzizwa ujabule uma unabo

Umbuzo obalulekile okufanele uzibuze wona kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano uthi, nizizwa kanjani nobabili nisondelene? Phakathi ku ubudlelwane obunobuthi noma ohlukumeza ngokucashile, uzozizwa ukhathazekile noma ungaqiniseki ngawe uma useduze nomlingani wakho. Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, lapho i-chemistry yobudlelwano ikhona ngokuthinta ukukhula komuntu siqu, nizojabula futhi niphephe omunye nomunye. Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu zamakhemikhali eziqine kakhulu ezikhona.

Qaphela, lokhu akusho ukuthi awusoze waphikisana noma ulwe. Akusho nokuthi nizoba ndawonye kuze kube phakade. Kodwa phakathi nesikhathi nindawonye, ​​ngisho nokucabanga ngabo kuzokulethela ukumamatheka, ngisho nalapho usungaphezu kwezigaba zokuqala zobuhlobo bokuthatheka lapho kubonakala sengathi akukho okubi abangakwenza.

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3. Impilo yakho yocansi imnandi futhi inamandla

Ake sikhulume ngocansi, baby! Siqhubekile mayelana nokuthi i-chemistry yobudlelwano ayihlobene kanjani nokukhangwa ngokomzimba nokuxhumana, kodwa sekuyisikhathi sokuvuma ukuthi impilo yocansi enempilo futhi ejabulisayo ingenye yezimpawu ezitshela kakhulu zamakhemikhali phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane, noma yibaphi abalingani ababili, ngaleyo ndaba. Ucansi olumnandi lumayelana nokuthi yini emnandi kuwe. Futhi i-chemistry enhle imayelana nalokho okugcwalisa wena nomlingani wakho.

Nakuba kungaba inselele ukugcina i-sex drive iqhubeka uma uku ubudlelwane besikhathi eside, ngenxa yokuthi ubuhlobo bukhulile, akusho ukuthi i-libido kufanele ihambe nayo.

“Ngithola ukuthi ukuhleka nokuba nesiphukuphuku embhedeni kungenye yezinto engizikhonzile ebudlelwaneni bami. Yileyo ndlela engichaza ngayo isayensi yezocansi,” kuvuma u-Amina, umklami wendawo, oneminyaka engu-33 ubudala, “Yonke inoveli yothando engake ngayifunda ikhuluma ngendlela izinto eziba nzima futhi zibe bucayi ngayo lapho abantu benentshiseko, kodwa amahlaya namandla amahle enza umuntu abe nobuhlobo bobulili nenjabulo.” Lesi ngesinye sezibonelo zamakhemikhali obudlelwano eziveza ukuthi ukuxhumana okuqinile, nokwanelisayo kwezocansi kungasho izinto ezihlukile kubantu abahlukene. 

4. Kukhona ukusondelana nokufudumala

Ucansi lubalulekile, kodwa ukusondelana kwakho ngale kwekamelo lokulala (namanye amagumbi) kuyabalulekile futhi mhlawumbe kungenye yezimpawu eziqine kakhulu zamakhemikhali ezikhona. Kimina, ukusondelana kuyibhola lokuthinta elikhulu, elinamafindo, eliwuvolo, ukuthembana, ukuhleka, izinyembezi, amazwi, nokuthula. Futhi endaweni ethile kulawa mafindo, sithola imibuthano egqagqene enedlanzana labantu esinokuxhumana nabo ngokomzwelo.

“Imfudumalo ebudlelwaneni ayigcini nje ngokushisa ngesikhathi lapho amehlo eqala ukubonana noma ukuthi izinto zishisa kanjani phakathi kwenu ekamelweni,” kusho uNandita, “ukusondelana kubangelwa ukuhlanganyela izinto ezincane ezijabulisayo nezibuhlungu zansuku zonke, ukukhuluma ngosuku lwakho nokunye. ukuthinta okungezona ezocansi - ibunzi liyaqabula, ukubamba izandla, isandla ehlombe lakho, noma ingemuva elincane lidlula, njll."

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5. Kukhona ukwethembana okukhulu phakathi kwenu

Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo sanoma ibuphi ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo futhi kungaba esinye sezibonelo zamakhemikhali obudlelwano obuqinisekile. Uma ucabanga ngalokho okubaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni - ikhemistri noma ukuhambisana - cabanga ukuthi umethemba kangakanani lowo muntu okukhulunywa ngaye.

Ukuthembela ebudlelwaneni akukhona nje ukwethembeka nokwethembeka, kodwa futhi nokubathemba ngokwanele ukuba ube sengozini futhi uvulekele kubo. Kungase kube nezimpawu zamakhemikhali eziqinile kuwo wonke amazinga, kodwa ngaphandle kokwethembana, noma uma ukwethenjwa kwephukile, kunzima ukugcina uxhumano.

Mhlawumbe unezinhlobo ezithile zamakhemikhali ebuhlotsheni, kodwa hhayi abanye, futhi ulungile ngalokho. Mhlawumbe une-chemistry emangalisayo, kodwa hhayi okuningi mayelana nesibopho somzwelo noma sobuhlakani. Ingabe lokho kungasho ukuthi unamakhemikhali kodwa awekho ukuhambisana? Akunjalo.

Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi yini oyifunayo nganoma yisiphi isikhathi ebudlelwaneni futhi ukhumbule ukuthi izithandani eziphelele azikho. Kubalulekile, nokho, ukwazi ukuthi izidingo zakho zingakwazi futhi zivunyelwe ukushintsha. Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokwenza ngokuvumelana nezifiso zakho, ngisho noma unomuzwa wokuthi unokuthakwa kwamakhemikhali amaningi kunokuhambisana, noma okuphambene nalokho. Futhi kulungile ukukuhoxisa bese uthi, “Umfana omuhle kodwa awekho amakhemikhali.” Thembeka kuwe kanye nabalingani bakho, futhi okusele kuzokulandela. Sikufisela inala yamakhemikhali amangalisayo kuzo zonke izici zempilo yakho. Ngikufisela inhlanhla!

Lokhu okuthunyelwe kubuyekezwe ngoJuni 2023.

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