23 Izimpawu Ezinkulu Owesifazane Ukhangwa Wena

Ngiye ngamemeza umngane wami ngothando, “Kwenzeka kanjani ukuthi ungakwazi ukufunda izimpawu zokuthi owesifazane ukhangwa nguwe? Ukuphila komngane wami wokuphola kugcwele imizamo yokulinganisa isithakazelo kubantu besifazane. Ukubuka enza lokho kuwumzamo othakazelisayo futhi ocasulayo. Kodwa isayensi ukhombisa ukumeseka umngane wami, nakuba ngifuna ukumnyakazisa kakhulu.

Ucwaningo olungenhla mayelana nomehluko wobulili ekuqashelweni kwemizwelo lubonise ukuthi abesifazane bavame ukuba nokuqonda kakhudlwana kokucashile, okungukuthi, izimpawu zemizwelo ezinamandla aphansi noma ezingacacile. Ngakho-ke, uma ungumfana, umi esimweni esingesihle futhi ungase ungakwazi ukubona kalula izimpawu ezingokomzimba owesifazane onentshisekelo kuzo. Ngiyazi ukuthi kudida kanjani; Ngibone umngane wami echitha amahora amaningi kulolu phenyo lothando. Kodwa namuhla, awuwedwa. Ngilapha ukuzokusiza nonke.

Usho Kanjani Uma Umuntu Wesifazane Ekhangwa Wena

A umsebenzisi ku-Quora uthe, "Akumangalisi ukuthi amantombazane afundeka kanzima kunabafana. Ikakhulukazi uma kuziwa ekutholeni ukuthi banesithakazelo yini kuwe. Kusukela kuzimpawu zolimi lomzimba, kuya kulokho akwenzayo phakathi nezingxoxo. Amantombazane angase azame ukulahla amacebo ngemizwa yawo!"

Ukukhangwa kowesifazane kungase kubonakale ngokuthambekela kokuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi nawe noma ukulangazelela ukuhleka amahlaya akho. Ukwengeza, intshisekelo yangempela empilweni yakho, imibono, kanye nemizwa ingaveza izinga elijulile lokukhangwa. Kubalulekile ukubhekana nalezi zimpawu ngokuzwela nomongo, njengoba ubuntu bomuntu ngamunye kanye nokwehluka kwamasiko kungalolonga indlela ukukhanga okubonakala ngayo.

Esimeni esibanzi, ngenkathi izimpawu zokukhuluma zidlala indima, ukuxhumana okungasho lutho kuvame ukuba nesisindo esibalulekile, njengokuthi ukukhangwa ukuthintana kwamehlo, ukumamatheka njalo, noma ulimi lomzimba oluvulekile, noma ukuthinta. Yize wonke umuntu eveza intshisekelo yothando noma yocansi ngendlela ehlukile, nalu uhlu olubanzi lwezimpawu ezingama-23 lapho umuntu wesifazane akhangwa khona:

1. Ukubheka amehlo isikhathi eside kuyinkomba enkulu yokukhangwa kowesifazane kuwe

Abesifazane abaningi babheka njalo amehlo ukuze baphakamise isithakazelo kanye nesifiso sokusondelana. Amehlo angamafasitela emizwelweni yomuntu, futhi ukugqolozela okuqhubekayo kudlulisa umuzwa wokuba sengozini nokuvuleleka.

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Emkhakheni wokukhanga, ukuthintana kwamehlo isikhathi eside noma okuphindaphindiwe kudlula ukubuka nje okuvamile, ukuxhumana nesimemo esithulile sokuhlola imizwa. Kuwuphawu olunamandla kodwa olucashile olungasetha inkundla yobudlelwano obunenjongo nobungase bube bothando. Yingakho ukuthintana kwamehlo isikhathi eside kusebenza njengesinye sezimpawu ezisobala kakhulu azifunayo.

2. Ubonakala umenza amamatheke futhi ahleke kalula

A cwaningo ithi, “Ukuhleka, ikakhulukazi ukuhleka okuhlanganyelwe, kuyinkomba ebalulekile yokukhangwa kwezothando phakathi kwabantu abangase babe bomshado futhi kuhlotshaniswa nekhwalithi yobuhlobo, ukusondelana, nokusekelwa ebuhlotsheni obumisiwe.” Ukumamatheka kwakhe njalo nokuhleka kwangempela phambi kwakho kungaba izinkomba eziphoqayo zokuthi owesifazane uyakuthanda.

• Ukumamatheka kuwukubonakaliswa kwendawo yonke yenjabulo, futhi uma kuqondiswe kumuntu othile, kusho ukusabela okuhle ngokomzwelo.
• Ukuhleka, ikakhulukazi kumahlaya akho, akubonisi nje ukwabelana uyahlekisa kodwa futhi kuveza isifiso sokuxhuma ezingeni elijulile, elikhudlwana lomuntu siqu
• Injabulo evezwa ngalezi zimpawu ezingasho lutho iphakamisa ukunethezeka nokuthokoza enkampanini yakho
• Ukuhleka kowesifazane kungaba impendulo yangempela nengenakuzikhethela lapho ezizwa ekhangwa, okudala ibhuloho lokuzwana kanye nomoya wokufudumala nokuqondana.

3. Ziningi izimpawu zolimi lomzimba ezihehayo

Uma owesifazane emi eduze kwakho, lapho owesifazane ephenyisa izinwele zakhe ukuze aveze intamo yakhe, kungenzeka ukuthi uzama ukudala ukungezwani kocansi. Ulimi lomzimba wesifazane ukhuluma kakhulu ngokukhanga kwakhe. Ukuncika phakathi phakathi nengxoxo kubonisa isifiso sokusondelana, kuyilapho ukubhekana kwamehlo okugciniwe kwembula ukuxhumana okungaphezu kwamagama.

Ukulingisa ukunyakaza kwakho kubonisa ukuqondana okungaphansi kokuzwa, ukulangazelela ukusebenzelana. Ulimi lomzimba oluvulekile nolubandakanyayo lwembula ukunethezeka, okuqinisekisa intshisekelo yothando engaba khona.

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4. Useshintshe okuthile ngokubukeka kwakhe

Uma ngokuzumayo eqala ukugqoka izithende, noma egqoka umbala ovele umtshele ukuthi uyawuthanda, uzama ukukuhlaba umxhwele. Lapho owesifazane enza umzamo oqotho wokuthuthukisa ukubukeka kwakhe ngaphambi kokuhlangana nawe, kusho izinga eliphezulu lesithakazelo. Lesi senzo sangamabomu sidlulela ngalé kokuzilungisa okuvamile; iwuphawu olucashile lokukhanga.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukwenza izinwele zakhe, ukukhetha ingubo ekhethekile, noma ukwengeza ukuthintwa kwezimonyo, lezi zinguquko zidlulisa umzamo wokukhulisa ukukhanga kwakhe kobulili kanye nesifiso sokuqashelwa nokwazisa nguwe. Usebenzisa izimfanelo zakhe zesifazane futhi ukuthumelela izimpawu zokuthi unjalo ukukhangwa ngokocansi.

5. Unezinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo ecabanga ngawe

Ungazi kanjani ukuthi owesifazane ukhangwa nguwe? Bona ukuthi uyaxoxa yini nawe ngezinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo. Lesi simo sokubheka phambili sidlula ukusebenzelana okuvamile, okusho umbono owabiwe wezinto eziqhubekayo. Ukuthambekela kwakhe ekwenzeni izinhlelo ezihlanganyelwe kubonisa isithakazelo esiqotho ekuxhumaneni okuhlala njalo.

Ingabe usikisela izinhlelo zangempela-sonto nawe noma ukubloma ngemva kwamahora omsebenzi? Kungaba yinkomba yokuthi uyakuthanda emsebenzini futhi ukubheka njengengxenye ebalulekile yempilo yakhe.

6. Uma ekushela kuwuphawu olucacile lokuthi ufuna ukuba nawe

Ukudlala ngothando kusebenza njengenye yezinto ezisobala kakhulu izimpawu zomzimba owesifazane unentshisekelo kuwe. Ama-nuances wokudlala ngothando aba ulimi olunamandla, okubonisa ukuvuleka kwakhe ekuhilelekeni kwezothando noma ukukutshela ukuthi unesithakazelo socansi.

• Ukubhuqa okudlalayo, amazwi ayela ngasocansini, kanye nezenzo ezicashile zidlulela ngalé kwezingxoxo zobungane, ezibonisa isifiso sokuxhumana okujulile.

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• Ngalokhu kuziphatha okuvusa inkanuko, ukhuluma ngobuqili ngokukhanga kwakhe ngokobulili noma ngokuphishekela kwakhe ukuxhumana kwezothando.
• Kuwukudlala okuguquguqukayo okuphakamisa ubudlelwano busuke ebunganeni buye endaweni egcwele ukulindela okuthile okusondelene kakhulu.

7. Ukhululekile ukuba sengozini nawe

UBrené Brown uthi encwadini yakhe, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, “Ngichaza ukuba sengozini njengokungaqiniseki, ubungozi, kanye nokuchayeka ngokomzwelo. Ngaleyo ncazelo engqondweni, masicabange ngothando. lokho kuwukuba sengcupheni. Uthando aluqiniseki Luyingozi ngendlela emangalisayo.

Yini esingaphetha ngayo kulokhu ukuthi:

• Ukuzimisela kowesifazane ukuveza ukuba sengozini kubonisa ukuxhumana okujulile nokukhanga okungaba khona, ngoba ezimweni eziningi, ukuba sengozini nendoda kungaba nzima impela kowesifazane
• Ukuvula imizwa yakho kubonisa ukwethemba nokududuzeka nawe
• Kuyisenzo sesibindi esikhomba emizweni yakhe ekhulayo kanye nethuba lokuxhumana okuzuzisayo kwezothando
• Uma ekutshela izinto eziqondene nawe, ekuvumela ukuthi ungene endaweni yakhe yomuntu siqu, akukwenzi uzizwe ungakhululekile ukwabelana ngobuthakathaka bakho naye, uthanda wena.

8. Ukuncoma ngezindlela eziphusile

Uma owesifazane obedlala ngothando nawe ekuncoma ngobuqotho, kuba wuphawu olucacile lokukhangwa kwakhe. Ukuncoma kudlulela ngalé kokuziphatha okuhle; ziwukuncoma ngamabomu izimfanelo zakho, noma ngabe ezomzimba, ubuhlakani, noma ezomuntu siqu.

Lokhu kuvuma okuyiqiniso kuba yindlela yakhe yokudlulisa imizwelo eyakhayo nokwazisa kwangempela. Phela, ukuncoma kusebenza njengebhuloho phakathi kobungane nesithakazelo sothando, okubonisa isifiso sakhe sokukwenza uzizwe uqashelwa futhi waziswa.

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9. Uma intombazane ifuna ukwazi ngawe, ithanda ukukulalela ngentshiseko

Amakhono amaningi okulalela nokulalela abesifazane abaningi aveza okungaphezu kokuthakaselayo; ikhombisa ukukhangwa. Nakhu okubonisa isifiso sakhe sokuqonda okujulile:

• Ukugxila kwangempela
• Izimpendulo ezicatshangelwayo
• Ukuvuleleka emazwini akho

Lokhu kulalelisisa okuthuthukisiwe kukhuluma ngokukhula kokuxhumana okungokomzwelo, kugcizelela ukubaluleka akubeka ekuhwebeni kwakho. Ungazi kanjani ukuthi intombazane iyakuthanda ngombhalo? Ngisho noma uxhumeke ngezinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola, ukulalela kwakhe okumatasa, ukuqala ingxoxo, nezimpendulo ezinde ngezinye zezimpawu ezithandwa wena wesifazane ngemibhalo.

10. Ukugcona nokuthintana okudlalwayo? Yebo, unentshisekelo

Lezi izimpawu ezinamandla ukuthi uthola ukhanga; lezi zenzo zingase zibe uhlobo lwengxoxo yocansi kwabaningi. Abesifazane abaningi bahlanganyela ezinhliziyweni ezilula bhebha noma ukugcona, ukukhombisa ukunethezeka kanye nomuzwa ohlanganyelwe wokuhlekisa, ngokuvamile osebenza njengendlela yokudlala yokubonisa uthando.

Ukuthinta umzimba, ngisho nezicashile njengokuxutshwa kwesandla noma ukwanga isikhathi eside, zidlula ubungane nje, okusikisela isifiso esingashiwo sokusondelana. Ukusebenzisana okudlalayo kanye nokuthinta komzimba okuthintayo kusungula ulimi oluhlukile oluhehayo, futhi ngezinye izikhathi kwakha amagama angase angabi nawo.

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11. Ukwazise abangani nomndeni

Owesifazane okwethulela abangani nomndeni wakhe ubonisa isifiso sokukuhlanganisa endaweni yakhe yomuntu siqu futhi abelane nabantu ababazisa kakhulu. Kubonisa izinga elikhulu lokuzinikela, okubonisa ukuthi ubona ikusasa elingase libe nawe. Ngokukuletha embuthanweni wakhe ongaphakathi, ugcizelela ukubaluleka kokuba khona kwakho empilweni yakhe.

12. Ngabe useke waba nomona? Uma kunjalo, uyakuthanda

Owesifazane ozwakalisa umona angase abe esinye sezimpawu ezingabonakali zokukhangwa. Uma ebonisa izimpawu zokungakhululeki noma umona lapho uzibandakanya nabanye, kungase kubangelwa ukwesaba ukuncintisana kwezothando nokulangazelela ukunakwa kwakho.

Ngenkathi ephethe umona noma ukubhekana nomlingani onomona ngobumnene kubalulekile, ukukuvuma njengophawu olubonisa ukuthi ubeka ukubaluleka ebuhlotsheni bakho futhi angase abe nemizwa ejulile, engakhulumi ngawe. Ukusabela kwakhe ngokomzwelo kubonisa isifiso sokuhluka phakathi kwenu nobabili.

13. Izinto amantombazane azenzayo uma ekuthanda: Abuza imibuzo yomuntu siqu kanye nemininingwane yesaziso ngawe

Abesifazane bayathanda ukubuza imibuzo yomuntu siqu mayelana nempilo yakho uma bekhangwe nguwe. Banelukuluku lokwazi ngawe, ngakho-ke kudlula ingxoxo nje evamile, okubonisa isifiso sokukuqonda ezingeni elijule kakhulu. Phakathi ku cwaningo, kwatholakala ukuthi ukubuza imibuzo kwandisa ukuthanda engxoxweni yemizuzu engu-15 phakathi kwabantu ababili, ikakhulukazi uma le mibuzo ivumela owamukelayo ukuba akhulume ngaye ngokwakhe.

• Ngokufuna ulwazi ngempilo yakho, utshala imali ngokomzwelo futhi ubonisa ukukhathalela inhlalakahle yakho
• Ukuqaphela nokukhumbula imininingwane eyinkimbinkimbi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iyincwadi eyintandokazi noma idethi ebalulekile, kubonisa ukulalelisisa nokulangazelela ukwenza uxhumano lube nenjongo.
• Ukujula kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, imibono, kanye nezifiso kusebenza njengendlela ukwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nawe

Ngakho-ke, emdansweni wokukhanga, ubuciko bokubuza imibuzo yomuntu siqu nokunaka imininingwane kuba izimpawu ezicashile zesithakazelo sangempela kanye nezothando ezingase zibe khona.

14. Ukutholakala kwakhe ngokungaguquki kuwuphawu oluhle lokuthi uyakuthanda

Ukutholakala okungaguquguquki kowesifazane, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungumuntu noma ngokomzwelo, kukhuluma kakhulu ngokukhanga kwakhe. Ukukwenzela isikhathi nokuhlala ufinyeleleka kalula kuyizimpawu ezimbalwa zokukhangwa kwabesifazane. Ngakho-ke, ngokutholakala ngokungaguquki, ubonisa isifiso sakhe sokuxhumana, eqokomisa ukubaluleka kwakhe ebuhlotsheni bakho nokujula kwemizwa yakhe ngawe. Ufuna ukwazi ukumethemba.

15. Ukhona ukuze akunike ukwesekwa nokukukhuthaza

Owesifazane ohlale ekunikeza ukwesekwa nesikhuthazo kuwuphawu olubonisa ukuthi uyakuthanda.

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• Uyakujabulisa futhi uyakujabulisa
• Uyakholelwa emakhonweni akho futhi uyakutshela ngawo lapho uphelelwa ukuzethemba
• Uzama ukunika amandla indawo esekela ngokuziphatha nangokwezwi lapho ungafinyelela khona ukukhula ngokuya ngomsebenzi, ubuntu, umndeni, ezezimali, njll.
• Usiza ngezindlela ezibambekayo futhi, futhi unikeza nezixazululo

Intshisekelo yakhe yangempela ezifisweni zakho nasenhlalakahleni iyonke ibonisa ukutshalwa kwezimali okujulile ngokomzwelo. Ufisa ukugcwaliseka kwakho nempumelelo, egcizelela ukuxhumana okunenjongo nemizwa yothando.

16. Uma ekubukisa, uyakuthanda

Ngokuvumelana ne Isayensi Yabantu, ukwenza isibuko kuyindlela engasho lutho lapho umuntu ekopisha ulimi lomzimba, izimfanelo zephimbo, noma isimo sengqondo somunye umuntu. Kumongo wokukhangwa kowesifazane, ukwenza isibuko kuwukuvumelanisa okungekhona kwezwi okubonisa isifiso esingaphansi kokuqaphela ukusungula ubuhlobo.

Uma elingisa ukunyakaza kwakho ngokungazi, kusho ukuthi:

• Isibopho esijulile kanye nentshisekelo yothando
• Ulimi oluthulile lokuzwana nokuxhumana okungakhulunywa
• Umzamo wokuvala amabanga angokomzwelo ukuze uthole ukuzizwisa okuhlangene

17. Ukuxhumana kwakhe nawe kujulile, kunezingqimba, futhi okomuntu siqu

Intshiseko nokuvuleleka kwakhe kwezokuxhumana kuyizimpawu ezibalulekile zokuthi uzithola ukhanga. Uzibandakanya ngentshiseko ezingxoxweni, wabelane ngemicabango yakhe, futhi uyayihlonipha imibono yakho.

• Ukhetha ukuhlanganyela ezingxoxweni ezinde, ezinenjongo ezingaphezu kwengxoxo evamile
• Wabelana ngezindaba zomuntu siqu nemibono yakhe ukuze umazi njengoba enjalo
• Akagcini ngokulalela kuphela kodwa uyakhumbula futhi abhekise imininingwane ezingxoxweni zakho

18. Uyatatazela eduze kwakho

Ukuziphatha kwakhe okuthuthumelayo kuwumdanso oveza imizwa. Lokhu ukwamukela buthule kwesimo sokuqwashisa esiphezulu lapho useduze. Akukhona ukungakhululeki, kodwa ukubonakaliswa kwesifiso sokushiya umbono omuhle. Lokhu kuba sengozini kwengeza ubuqiniso olimini lwakhe oluhehayo.

Ezinye izimpawu zokuthi usondele kuwe:

• Ukuququda, ukucwayiza, noma ukuluma izindebe
• Angase aqale ukukhuluma nawe kakhulu nakuba enamahloni eduze kwakho
• Uthintana nomzimba
• Nokho ethukile, angase afune ukuhlala eduze nawe

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19. Uma kuziwa kuwena, ukuqala ukuthintana kuyazenzekela kuye

Ukuqala kowesifazane ukuthintana kuwumsebenzi omatasa, uphawu olucacile lokukhangwa kwakhe. Umlayezo ngamunye noma ikholi iba yisinyathelo samabomu sokusungula ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Lokhu kuxoxisana okusebenzayo kudlula ukuxhumana nje; kuwukubonakaliswa kwesifiso sakhe sokuba seduze, kanye nokwazi okwengeziwe ngenqubo yakho kanye nempilo.

20. Uyayihlonipha imibono yakho ngokusobala njengophawu lothando lwakhe

Uma owesifazane eyihlonipha ngobuqotho imibono yakho, kuwuphawu olubalulekile lokukhangwa. Inhlonipho yakhe ngemibono yakho idlula inhlonipho nje; kuwukuvuma kwangempela ubuntu bakho. Ukunaka akunikezayo emicabangweni yakho kudala isimo sokuqondana, ukuhloniphana, nokuhambisana.

21. Ungathembela kuye ukuthi uzokhumbula zonke izinsuku ezikhethekile

Enye yezinto abesifazane abazenzayo lapho bekuthanda ukukhumbula izinsuku ezibalulekile kuwe (nakubo). Akukhona nje ngokukhumbula; kuwumzamo wamabomu ukuvuma nokugubha amamlando abalulekile empilweni yakho. Lokhu kunaka okucatshangelwayo emininingwaneni kuyakuqinisekisa futhi kukhombisa isifiso senjabulo eyabiwe. Ezinye izibonelo zokuziphatha okunjalo yilezi:

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• Ukukhumbula usuku lwakho lokuzalwa nokukunikeza isifiso esisuka enhliziyweni noma mhlawumbe isipho esincane
• Ukukhumbula ukuthi unomhlangano obalulekile noma ukuhlolwa futhi sikufisela inhlanhla
• Ukukhumbula usuku enaluchitha ndawonye nenza okuthile, noma ngabe bekuyinto ebonakala ijwayelekile

22. Izimpawu zangempela zokukhangwa kwabesifazane: Wenza amasiko ahlanganyelwe kanye namahlaya angaphakathi

Ukudala amasiko okwabiwe kanye namahlaya angaphakathi kuwuphawu olucashile kodwa olunamandla lokukhangwa. UDkt. John Gottman iphakamisa ukuthi imibhangqwana izibophezele amahora ayisithupha ngesonto ndawonye, ​​okuhlanganisa amasiko okuvalelisa ekuseni nokuhlangana futhi ekupheleni kosuku. Le mikhuba isiza imibhangqwana ukuthi iphinde ixhumane lapho impilo iba endleleni.

Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho komuntu siqu nezikhathi ezikhethekile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isiko lomuntu siqu noma amahlaya afanayo ayizimungulu athanda ukukhuluma nawe, hlakulela isibopho esiyingqayizivele. Ngale ndlela, nawe uthola izithakazelo ezifanayo. Asebenza njengolimi oludlula amagama, olubonisa imizwa yothando ebopha abantu ababili ezweni elihlanganyelayo lothando lothando.

23. Ukudala amathuba esikhathi uwedwa kusho ukuthi uyakufuna

Owesifazane ukudala amathuba esikhathi eyedwa kuwuhambo lwamabomu lokuxhumana okujulile. Kuyisimemo esicashile sokuhlola ukusondelana okuqhakaza lapho abantu ababili bendawonye. Futhi, phakathi nalesi sikhathi sodwa naye, ungase uphawule okuhle okumbalwa izimpawu zokukhanga kazibuthe phakathi kwakho:

• Lapho intombazane isondela kuwe, ingena kuwe
• Uyaphophoza uma umqoma noma umthinta
• Unamahloni uma nindawonye

Ngokombiko othile umsebenzisi ku-Reddit, “Uma intombazane inentshisekelo kuwe, kuzoba sobala futhi uzokwenza izinto zibe lula kakhulu.” Kufanele nje uhlale unake njengoba ukubheka ngamehlo isikhathi eside, ukumomotheka kwangempela, nokuthintana okujabulisayo kuba ibhulashi lokuxhumana okwandayo kusukela olimini oluvulekile lomzimba kuya ekudalweni kwemikhuba ehlanganyelwe, zonke lezi zenzo ezihlangene ezibalwe ngenhla zidweba isithombe sokukhangwa, lapho ukujula kwemizwa kanye nothando olungase lube khona kuhlobana ngemibala yezinto ezabiwe.

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