Uchwepheshe Ubala Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zokusondelana Ebudlelwaneni

Ziningi izimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni umuntu angase avele angazinaki ngaphandle kokwazi noma ukuqonda umthelela ojulile okungaba nawo ebudlelwaneni. Ubudlelwano benziwa ngezinto ezintathu, eyokuqala ukukhangwa ngokomzimba - ukuthi umuntu oyedwa ubona kanjani omunye ngokubukeka. Eyesibili i-chemistry nokuhambisana, okuncike ekutheni umuntu oyedwa ufanelana kanjani nomunye. Okwesithathu ukusondelana - indlela umuntu abonisa ngayo ukusondelana ebuhlotsheni.

Lapho ngifinyelela ku Shivanya Yogamaya, oyisangoma sezinkanyezi kanye nomqeqeshi wezobudlelwano nokusondelana, uthe, "Ngokujwayelekile, uma sikhuluma ngokusondelana, abantu bavele bafinyelele eziphethweni bese becabanga ukuthi kumayelana nocansi kuphela nendlela abantu ababili abazitika ngayo ocansini ebuhlotsheni. Kodwa lokho ngeke kusaba kude neqiniso. Ukusondelana kusho isenzo sokuba sengozini eduze komuntu omthandayo. Kusho ukungabonakali, ukungakhethi nokuzwakala. futhi akukho ukukhohlisa.

"Uma ubuza ukuthi yini edala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni, impendulo ukwethembana. Olunye lwezimpawu ezinkulu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni yikhono lokwethembana nokwethenjwa umuntu wakho obalulekile ngaphandle kokwahlulela futhi ngaphandle kokwahlulela. Yilapho ukusondelana kwangempela kulele khona. Esenzweni sokwethemba umuntu ngenhliziyo yonke."

Ukungavimbi lutho kumlingani wakho yikho okunihlanganise nobabili. Kodwa udinga okungaphezu kokukhangwa ngokomzimba ukuze ugcine ubuhlobo buqhubeka, futhi lokho kuthatha umsebenzi omningi. Abukho ubuhlobo obulula. Ukwakha ubuhlobo lapho abantu ababili bejabule kuwumsebenzi oyinkimbinkimbi futhi odla isikhathi, futhi udinga izinhlobo eziningi zokusondelana. Uma ufuna izimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni, qhubeka ufunda futhi uthole.

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Shivanya uthi, “Ukusondelana kwenza lukhulu ekuqiniseni ubuhlobo, kwakha izimfanelo eziningi ezinhle ezinjengobubele, ukwamukela, uzwela, inkululeko, ukubekezelelana kanye nekhono lokungahluleli futhi libe namaqiniso.

Lapho ebuzwa uShivanya ngendlela ukusondelana okubuthinta ngayo ubuhlobo, uthi, “Ziningi izinhlobo zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni futhi zonke zisithinta ngezindlela ezinhle kakhulu. Iletha ukugcwaliseka kanye nokuhlola okungokoqobo. Ibhidliza inkohliso futhi ikubeke odabeni lokugibela i-roller coaster.

“Uma nithandana kusho ukuthi nobabili nihlangene ndawonye. Kukhona ngaphezu kohlobo olulodwa lokusondelana ebudlelwaneni. Kusukela ngokwenyama kuye ngokomzwelo kuye kokuzijabulisa nangokomoya, lonke uhlobo lobuhlobo luyadingeka ukuze kuqiniswe uthando abantu ababili ababelana ngalo.

Ubudlelwano besikhathi eside abufuni nje ucansi oluhle. Nakuba ubulili bungenye yezinto ezinkulu ezisiza ekugcineni inhlansi iphila futhi ukuze shaya isithukuthezi ebudlelwaneni, kunezinye izici ezibangela ukuvuselelwa kokwaneliseka nenjabulo ebuhlotsheni. 

1. Ukwethembana nokuhloniphana

Ukwakha umuzwa oqinile wokwethembana nokuhloniphana ebudlelwaneni kukhuthaza ukusondelana ngokomzwelo. Kunini lapho sixoxa khona nomuntu ngemicabango ejulile nemnyama kakhulu yenhliziyo yethu? Yilapho sithulula isifuba kubo. Lapho sibathemba kakhulu kangangokuthi sifuna ukwabelana nabo ngakho konke okuncane. Lapho usufunde konke amathiphu ukuthuthukisa ukusondelana ngokomzwelo futhi uzisebenzise ebuhlotsheni bakho, isibopho owabelana ngaso nabanye bakho ababalulekile sizofinyelela eziqongweni ezintsha.

Isenzo esisengozini yokwabelana ngemicabango eqotho neyiqiniso lapho usengozini yokwahlulelwa singenye yezimpawu zokuqala zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni. Kuhle kakhulu ukuthi esikhundleni sokwahlulelwa, uqondwa ngumuntu omthandayo nomhloniphayo.

UShivanya uthi, “Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kuhlangatshezwana lapho abantu ababili bekhululekile omunye komunye futhi bengangabazi ukuveza izidingo zabo nalokho abakufisayo.Ukwazi ukubamba isikhala ukuze omunye nomunye akhiphe nokukhala izinhliziyo zabo ngaphandle kokuzizwa behlaselwe yikona okudala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni. Ukuntula uthando nokusondelana izoletha isiphetho ebudlelwaneni bakho.

“Isibonelo, ake sithi umlingani wakho ukuthulula isifuba kuwe futhi akutshele ukuthi uhlukumezekile esemncane, esikhundleni sokuthi umehlulele noma usebenzise lokhu ngokumelene naye, uthola izindlela zokumqonda futhi wenze imizamo yokumelapha, umsize abhekane nokuhlukumezeka kwakhe.

“Enye yezindlela eningabonisa ngazo ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni iwukunikeza ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo ngokwethembana nokuhloniphana.Ukwazisa imizwa nezidingo zomunye nomunye kungenye yezindlela eningakha ngazo inhlonipho.Futhi, uma umlingani wakho ehlonipha imingcele yakho kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani, futhi ekhuluma ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka, kusho ukuthi kungenye yezimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni.”

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2. Izidingo zakho zocansi ziyahlangatshezwa

U-Shivanya uthi, "Kusukela ekubambeni izandla kuye ekugoneni nasekuhlanganyeleni ocansini, konke lokhu kuba ngaphansi kokusondelana ngokomzimba. Ucansi alukona nje ukuletha omunye nomunye. Akukhona nje ukububula kanye nama-orgasms. Kumayelana nendlela ozizwa uphephile ngayo futhi ubenze bazizwe ngenkathi wenza ucansi. Kunezinye izimo lapho ukuthintwa komuntu kungase kukukhiphe noma uzwe sengathi akuyona into efanele.

“Okudala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni yilapho ukuthinta komuntu kukwenza uzizwe uphephile futhi ukhululekile.Ikhono lokuzinikela kumuntu ngaphandle kokuzizwa ungavikelekile futhi ngezinye zezimpawu zokusondelana ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni.Ukusondelana ngokomzimba nokukhululeka ngokocansi ebudlelwaneni yilapho niveza futhi nihlonipha amaphupho omunye nomunye.”

Ngaphezu kokuphatha ucansi njengento nje eyanelisayo kuze kufike kuvuthondaba, phatha ucansi njengobuciko. Xhumana nezifiso zakho, ama-turn-offs, nama-turn-offs. Bhala izidingo zakho. Uma ufuna ukulinga, khuluma ngakho. Uma okunye kwakho okubalulekile kuyigeyimu yemisebenzi enjalo, khona-ke lokhu okwenziwayo kuzosiza nobabili ukuthi niqine. 

3. Uzizwa wamukelekile

Ebudlelwaneni obusondelene ngokuphelele, uzozizwa wamukelwe ngempela umlingani wakho. Kuningi amathiphu ukwakha ubudlelwano obunobunye. Enye yazo ukwamukelwa. Uma ubamukela ngawo wonke amaphutha, izimfihlo, nezibazi, ngamandla abo kanye nobuthakathaka babo, yilokho okudala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni. Awusizwa isidingo sokuhlaba umxhwele ukuze ubahehe ukuthi bakuthande. Uma wamukelwe umlingani wakho, konke kuzokwenzeka ngokwemvelo. 

U-Shivanya uthi, "Uma sikhuluma obala, kwenza ukwamukelwa nokwethenjwa. Umuntu wakho obalulekile uzothembela kuwena uma usubamukele kakhudlwana, imikhuba yabo, kanye nokuziphatha kwabo. Uma ungahlulelwa noma ungahlulelwa ngenxa yokuzizwa ngendlela ethile, kungenye yezimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni.

“Ukusondelana kokuqala ebudlelwaneni yilapho ukwazi ukwenza amaphutha futhi wamukele lawo maphutha ngaphandle kokwesaba ukubhekana nokugxekwa, impilo ingaba nzima futhi nakanjani siyawenza amaphutha. indlela yokuthethelela futhi ukhohlwe amaphutha ebudlelwaneni. Sonke siyamdinga umuntu ongeke asibambezele futhi asigcone impilo yethu yonke. Uma wazi ukuthi isithandwa sakho ukwamukele ngenhliziyo yonke futhi akukho phutha, kusho ukuthi kungenye yezimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni.”

4. Nithembele komunye nomunye

Ukuthembela kumlingani wakho kubaluleke kakhulu lapho nobabili ninobudlelwano besikhathi eside. Kunomugqa omncane phakathi kokusekelwa ngokomzwelo nokuncika ngokomzwelo. Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukwesekwa umlingani wakho ngokomzwelo kodwa uma ufuna futhi ulindele ukuthembela kuye ngokuphelele kukho konke okuncane, khona-ke kudlula zonke izinhlobo zokwesekwa futhi kuba ukuncika ngokomzwelo. 

Igama elithi “Dependent” seliyigama elifana nelithi buthakathaka nelinamathelayo. Kodwa akulona iqiniso lelo. Ukuncika okunempilo kwaziwa ngokuthuthukisa ubudlelwano. Okufanele ukwenze ukufunda indlela yokwakha ubudlelwano obuncikene lapho kukhona ukuhloniphana nokukhulana. Ukuncika kudinga ukuba sengozini futhi yini edala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni? Ukuba sengozini. Futhi bingo! Yingakho ukuncika kubalulekile kubo bonke ubudlelwano.

Uma wandise ama-radar akho emizwa futhi nithembele komunye nomunye ukuze nithole ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, nangokwezimali ngezinga elinempilo, khona-ke kungenye yezimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni. 

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5. Nibhekana nezinkinga nibambene ngezandla

Abukho ubudlelwano obuhamba kahle njengomfula. Bonke ubudlelwano nabahlanganyeli babo kufanele babhekane nezinkinga ezilandelana. UShivanya uthi, “Baningi izinselelo zobudlelwano wonke umuntu okufanele abhekane nazo. Yilokho okwaziwa ngokuthi ukusondelana kwenhlekelele. Kuba khona komunye nomunye ezikhathini ezinzima. Uma nobabili nihlangene ngezikhathi zobunzima, kudala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni.

“Isibonelo, uma othandiweyo wakho edlula emhlabeni, nima naye emoyeni nikhala nikhala, kuyindlela enikhombisana ngayo ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni, nimi ndawonye ebunzimeni nasebubini.

Kunesibonelo sami engingathanda ukusilandisa. Indaba yethu yokuqothuka kwezimali. Ubaba wayeyigama elaziwayo embonini yesikhumba. Wasebenza ngendlela yakhe kulowo mkhakha futhi sajabulela izinzuzo zempumelelo yakhe kukho konke ebuntwaneni bethu. Lapho ibhizinisi lakhe liwa, umama wamsekela naphezu kwezinkinga zezimali esasibhekene nazo.

Wayekhona kuye njengetshe futhi waqala ibhizinisi lakhe ubaba owalikhuthaza ngokugcwele; waba ngumbhoshongo wamandla kuye. Lapho ubaba engakwazi ukunginikeza, umama wabamba kuleyo ndima futhi wachitha zonke izinkambiso zobulili zomphakathi kanye izindima zobulili zendabuko. Kuze kube namuhla, ubaba akasebenzi kodwa usiza umama ebhizinisini lakhe lokuphekela abantu ukudla naphezu kwazo zonke izinkulumo ezivela emphakathini wethu osihlelele emuva.

UShivanya uthi, “Ngezikhathi zobunzima, siyahlangana noma siqhelelane. Uma unquma ukuhamba, kusho ukuthi bekukho ukusondelana ngokomzimba nje ebuhlotsheni; bekungekho olunye uhlobo lokusondelana oluhilelekile. Kodwa uma usiza umlingani wakho ukuthi akhule, futhi nithandane nakakhulu ngalezo zikhathi zokukhula, lokho kungenye yezimpawu zokusondelana ebuhlotsheni. ngokuba khona kwabo empilweni yethu.”

6. Nibamba iqhaza ezithakazelweni zomunye nomunye

Uthi, “Uma ubuza yini okufanele uyibheke ebudlelwaneni, bese bebamba iqhaza ezintweni abazithandayo kanye nemisebenzi kwenye yezinto. Okudala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni yilapho umlingani wakho ezinikela ukubamba iqhaza ezintweni ozithandayo futhi ubambe iqhaza ezintweni azithandayo.

“Akudingeki nithande izinto ezifanayo noma nivumelane ngayo yonke into.Okubalulekile ukuthi nivumelana kahle nangozwela kangakanani nokungaboni ngaso linye.Izinto ezincane ezifana nalezi ziletha ukusebenzisana okuhle.Kuzonothisa ubudlelwano ngale kokucabanga kwenu. 

“Ningakwazi nokwenza ezinye izinhlobo zemisebenzi ndawonye. Yenzani ingadi noma nihlanze indlu. Ake sithi ufunde incwadi wayithanda. Wabelana ngombono wakho nophathina wakho futhi wabelane ngalokho enikufundile, okuholela ekusondelaneni ngokomqondo. Esinye isibonelo sokusondelana ngokobuhlakani kungaba: Nobabili nisanda kubuka ifilimu ndawonye futhi nabelana ngombono womunye maqondana nefilimu.

“Njengephuzu elishiwo ngenhla, maningi amanye izindlela zokwakha ukusondelana kwengqondo nginothize engithandananaye. Imibono yakho akumele ihambisane kodwa iqiniso lokuthi uyawuhlonipha umbono wabo futhi ungazami ukuphoqa noma ukuthonya umbono wakho kubo yikhona okudala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni.

“Olunye lwezimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni lapho ungazami ukubonisa ukuthi uneqiniso kanti omunye unephutha. Abantu ababili bangaba nemizwa, imicabango, imibono nemibono ehlukene kodwa babe belungile ngesikhathi esifanayo. Umuntu ngamunye unengqondo yakhe. Futhi lapho usondelana ngokwengqondo, uqala ukwazisa nokuhlonipha indlela yabo yokucabanga.”

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7. Nibeka omunye nomunye kuqala

Uma ungabeki umlingani wakho kuqala, awusoze wakha uhlobo lokusondelana oluzosiza ukuqinisa uthando nobudlelwano. Okuletha injabulo ngaphezu kokusondelana ngokomzimba ebudlelwaneni yilapho ubeka umlingani wakho kuqala, wabelana ngempilo yakho nomunye, futhi umfaka ezinqumweni zakho. Lokho kungenye ye izimpawu zothando olungenamibandela nginothize engithandananaye.

U-Shivanya uthi, “Indlela obonisa ngayo ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni ilapho wenza isikhathi somlingani wakho futhi uchitha isikhathi esihle naye ngomzamo wokuxhumana ezingeni elijulile.Uma ubeka phambili umlingani wakho futhi wandisa ikhwalithi yokuxhumana, uzofinyelela ukusondelana kwelinye izinga.

“Beka isikhathi somlingani wakho nithathe uhambo ndawonye.Olunye uhlobo oluthakazelisa kakhulu lokusondelana engivame ukulusebenzisa neziguli zami ukuthi ngiphakamisa ukuthi bahambe ndawonye.Kunezizathu eziningi kungani umbhangqwana kufanele uhambe ndawonye. Ukuhamba ndawonye kuvula amawindi amasha ebudlelwaneni. Azikho izingcingo zasehhovisi noma imisebenzi yasekhishini noma izinsimbi zomnyango ezibangela isithiyo phakathi kombhangqwana. Isikhala somqondo esihlanzekile sizokusiza ukuthi uchofoze inkinobho yokuvuselela.”

8. Olunye lwezimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni lapho wena nophathina wakho nihlonipha izinkolelo zomunye nomunye

Uthi, "Ukusondelana okungokomoya kwengeza ikhwalithi eyengeziwe kubo bonke ubuhlobo. Kuyisenzo esicashile sokufunda kanye nemikhawulo engafundi. Ake sithi, umlingani oyedwa uqaphela ngokomoya. Bangafundisa omunye into eyodwa noma ezimbili mayelana nakho okuzoletha ubunye bomoya, okuzoqinisa ubuhlobo. izibonelo zemingcele enempilo ebudlelwaneni.

"Yibani nokuhlangenwe nakho okwabelane ngakho kwaphezulu ndawonye. Ngoba ukucindezeleka kungonakalisa futhi kulimaze ubuhlobo ngezindlela eziningi futhi ukuhlehla ngokomoya kungakusiza ukuba uvuseleleke. Kodwa uma bengenasithakazelo, ungabaphusheli noma ubakhohlise ukuze uqede ukholo nezinkolelo zabo. Uyazi ukuthi kungenye yezimpawu zokusondelana ebuhlotsheni uma usekela lokho okushiwo umlingani wakho ezithakazelweni ezingokomoya noma zenkolo."

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9. Bahlale bengabokuqala ofuna ukukhuluma nabo

Esinye sezizathu eziqinisekisayo ukuthi ngakhetha ukushada nesithandwa sami yilesi. Noma ngabe kwenzekani empilweni yami, okuhle noma okubi, ungumuntu wokuqala engifuna ukufinyelela kuye. Inhlebo emnandi noma ukukhungatheka komsebenzi, uyena owokuqala engiphumela kuye. Sinobuhlobo obuseduze obuchitha zonke izinkambiso nezimiso zobudlelwano. 

Ukusondelana kokuqala ebudlelwaneni yilapho umlingani wakho eba umngane wakho omkhulu futhi baningi izindlela zokuba umngane omkhulu nomngane wakho womshado njengoba kusiza ekuqiniseni ubudlelwano. Nibeke amafoni enu phansi ukuze nixoxe nithole ukuthi usuku lwabo luhambe kanjani. Ezinye zezimpawu zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni yilapho ubanaka ngokunganaki.

10. Kukhona ingqondo yeqembu

U-Shivanya uthi, "Olunye lwezimpawu eziyinhloko zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni ukuba nomqondo weqembu. Ukubhekana nezingqinamba ndawonye futhi ningadikibali. Abanye ophathina banakekela imisebenzi yasekhaya, futhi abanye bayahola futhi banakekele izikweletu. Yehlisa amalebula. Azisekho izinhlobo zamalebula ezithi "Ngiyindoda futhi wena ungowesifazane". ukulingana ngokobulili emshadweni futhi kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lobudlelwano kubaluleke kakhulu.

“Konke kumayelana nokulingana, sisizane ekwenzeni imisebenzi yasekhaya nasekukhuliseni izingane, asiphili esikhathini lapho indoda kufanele ihole futhi owesifazane kufanele enze imisebenzi yasekhishini. Okudala ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni yilapho nithatha izibopho njengeqembu. 

“Awukwazi ukulawula noma ukubusa umuntu othandana naye.Abesilisa bangacela usizo lwemali kwabesifazane babo.Abesifazane banelungelo lokulindela ukuthi amadoda afake isandla ngokugcwele emisebenzini yasekhaya.Kulungile impela ukuhlakaza indima yobulili.

“Abantu bazokhuluma izinto eziningi, kodwa akusibo abakhokhela izikweletu noma abakusizayo ukuphatha umuzi, nguwe nophathina wakho kuphela, ngakho-ke okwenzeka phakathi kwenu nobabili kufanele kubandakanye izinqumo zenu nobabili. Xhumana nozakwenu ezingeni elijulile futhi wakhe ingqondo yeqembu. Uma umqondo weqembu ususunguliwe, uzozwa sengathi ubudlelwano benu buyindawo ephephe kunazo zonke emhlabeni. Futhi njengoba besho, ukusebenzisana kwenza iphupho lisebenze. ”

Ukusondelana okunempilo kuthinta ubudlelwano ngendlela enhle kakhulu. Uthando lunezilimi eziningi futhi ukusondelana kungenye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu. Ozakwethu bangaphikisa futhi babe nezingxabano ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kodwa ungalokothi ubajabhise ngokwenza amaphutha noma ubambe amaphutha abo ngokumelene nabo. Bonisa uthando lwakho komunye nomunye ngokudala indawo ephephile yomunye nomunye lapho kungekho ukwahlulela nokugxekana. 

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