Yini Ongayilindela Uma Uthanda Indoda Engazithembi

Angaba ngamamitha ayisithupha ubude, angaba ne-abs ehamba phambili emhlabeni wonke futhi angaba semsebenzini ohlanganisa ukubeka impilo engcupheni. Kodwa naphezu kwakho konke lokhu okubonakala kuphelele, angase acabange ukuthi akalungile ngokwanele. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi uyindoda engazethembi kakhulu. Kuzwakala eyinqaba kwesokudla? Kodwa ngaphandle uma umazi kahle ubungeke wazi ukuthi ujola nendoda engazithembi.

Kuzoba namaphutha angathi sína esimilo okuyohlale kufanele ubhekane nawo. Kodwa ake sikuxwayise kwasekuqaleni, ukuthanda indoda engazithembi akulula. Ngezinye izikhathi kuthatha iminyaka embalwa futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngisho neminyaka eyishumi ukwazi ngempela nokuqonda ukuthi uthandana nendoda enokuzethemba okuphansi.

Kungase kube namaphutha amaningi kumuntu wakho, kodwa okungabonakali kakhulu ukungazethembi kwakhe. Lesi isici esisodwa esiwukuziphatha futhi esifihlwa izici ezifana ne-bravado, inkimbinkimbi ephakeme, noma ngisho nangobuntu obuqinile, obunobungane. Ngakho yini ongayenza esimweni esinjalo? Okokuqala nokubaluleke kakhulu, udinga ukukhomba izimpawu zokungazethembi ukuze uqonde ukuthi ubhekene nani bese ushesha uhlelo lokubhekana nalesi sici sobuntu bomlingani wakho.

Yiziphi Izimpawu Zokungazethembi Endodeni?

Ngakho-ke ulapha ngoba ucabanga ukuthi ungajola nendoda engazithembi. Futhi uma ufunda lesi sihloko, khona-ke uzoqonda ukuthi kungani eziphatha ngendlela enza ngayo. Kodwa okokuqala, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi yini ebangela ukuzethemba okuphansi emadodeni.

Ucwaningo olwenziwe ngo - 2016 emadodeni angu-116,356 lubonisa izinto ezithile eziphawulekayo mayelana nokuzethemba okuphansi kwamadoda. Ngokusho kocwaningo, abesilisa abangu-40% babike ukuthi bazizwa bengelutho ngenxa yesimo somzimba wabo. Ngaphandle kwezinkinga zabo ngesithombe somzimba, ezinye izimbangela zokuzethemba okuphansi kwamadoda zingahlukahluka njengokukhulisa izingane okunobuthi, ukungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile, umuzwa wokungazethembi, amazinga aphansi emfundo noma amakhono.

Uma uthanda indoda engazithembi, izokhombisa lezi zimpawu ezithile ebuhlotsheni bakho. Qhubeka ufunde ukuze uthole.

1. Umuzwa ongafanele wokuziphakamisa

Kuthiwa abantu abahlale bezama ukuzibonakalisa ukuthi bakhulu kunabanye empeleni yibo abazizwa bengelutho ngaphakathi. Ngamanye amazwi, siphinde sikubize nge-superiority complex. Kungase kubonakale ngaphandle ukuthi uwuhlobo oluthile lwendoda ye-alpha, kodwa empeleni, lesi esinye sezici zomuntu onokuzethemba okuphansi.

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sase-Austrian u-Alfred Adler ongumsunguli wesikole se-"Individual psychology" sikhulume ngenkimbinkimbi ephakeme njengendlela yokuzivikela yemizwa yokungafaneleki sonke esilwa nayo.

Enye yezinto ongaze uyisho kubantu besilisa abazethembayo wukubatshela ukuthi benze iphutha. Angaba uzakwenu, ofunda naye noma uthando lwempilo yakho, kodwa ungagcina usukhiphe isilo esikuye uma umtshela ukuthi unephutha. Akakwazi ukukwamukela. Unomuzwa owedlulele wokuzicabangela yena futhi uthanda ukuphonsa isisindo sakhe ngapha nangapha. Uhlale ekholelwa ukuthi ungcono kunabanye.

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2. Amadoda angazithembi angabantu abaphunyukayo

Uma kukhona noma yiluphi uhlobo lwezinkinga empilweni yakhe, esikhundleni sokuxazulula inkinga, uhlale ebheka indlela yokuphuma kuyo. UDkt. Carla Marie Manly, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esisemtholampilo esizinze eCalifornia, uthi kunabantu abagwema iqiniso ngazo zonke izindlela futhi lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi “i-escapism psychology”. Abakwazi ukuthatha inkunzi ngophondo futhi bancamela ukubalekela isimo ngengqondo.

Ngakho-ke uma uthandana nendoda engazithembi futhi uyabona ukuthi ukuze uphile udinga ukugcina amatoho amathathu, qiniseka ukuthi lapho ufika ekhaya, ngeke ikwenzele izitsha. Ungalindeli nokuthi uzokwenzela inkomishi yetiye. Cishe uzomthola ezilele esofeni ebuka ibhola.

Esimweni esinjalo, zama ukukhuluma naye ngesimo sezimali nokuthi udinga ukukhulisa amasokisi akhe. Lokhu kubalekela ngeke kusebenze endlini yakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungaba ngenye indlela. Angaba yisigqila somsebenzi futhi athole indawo yakhe yokuphunyuka emsebenzini kuyilapho wena uzoqhubeka nokulwa neminye imisebenzi ikakhulukazi ekhaya. Abantu abazethembayo nabo bathola indawo yokuphunyuka ekudleni, ezidakamizweni nasekuhambeni.

3. Indoda engazethembi inenhliziyo ekhukhumele

Uma uthanda indoda engazithembi, uzohlala ubona izindaba zayo zokuthi ziyimbangela yezinkinga zobudlelwano benu. I-ego yakhe isuka ekungazethembini kwakhe yingakho kufanele njalo ajahe imigomo, afinyelele njalo futhi abonise ukuthi ungcono kakhulu. Akalona uhlobo olungakhululeka ngempela futhi lube nesikhathi esimnandi nosuku lwakhe.

Ingqondo yakhe yayihlala ihambahamba, ezibuza ukuthi angabonisa kanjani ukuthi ungcono kakhulu. Angaziphathisa okwendoda futhi kuzodingeka ubhekane nakho. Ungamangali uma ubusuku bakho bokuqomisana buvame ukumhilela enikeza inkulumo eyodwa bese wena ulalele. Kufanele aqhubeke efakazela iqiniso lokuthi ungumuntu ophumelelayo, inkanyezi futhi kufanele uqhubeke umshaya izandla futhi umkhuthaza, umtshela ukuthi ungcono kakhulu.

4. Ukungazithembi emadodeni kubenza bancintisane

Indlela yokuthanda indoda enokuzethemba okuphansi? Ungalokothi unyathele ezinzwaneni zakhe zokuncintisana. Unohlangothi oluqhudelana kakhulu angaluletha nasebudlelwaneni. Uma ukhushulelwa esikhundleni, ungamangali uma egcina eklolodela esikhundleni sokujabula nawe. Ngoba esikhundleni sokubheka impumelelo yakho njengomzamo womuntu ngamunye, ngokushesha uthola ukuncintisana futhi aqale ukuhlaziya uma uhamba phambi kwakhe. 

Ngakho-ke kufanele uqhubeke unakekela ubugovu bakhe obunokuncintisana okukhulu futhi umtshele ukuthi awusondele kuye uma kukhulunywa ngempumelelo. Uma uthanda indoda engazihloniphi, enye yezindlela zokumphatha kungaba ukugcina izifiso zakho nempumelelo yakho kuwe. Hlala emthunzini wakhe futhi uzokuthanda ngenhliziyo yakhe yonke. Kuzwakala njengobudlelwano obunobuthi , akunjalo?

5. Indoda engazethembi ngokuvamile ingase ibe ne-OCD

Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu ezinganakwa kakhulu zokungazethembi endodeni. Ngakho lalelisisa lokhu. I-Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) ayigcini nje ngokugeza izandla ngokuphindaphindiwe. Ingakwazi ukuphakamisa ikhanda layo elibi ezindaweni ezihlukahlukene zokuphila. I-OCD ivela ekwesabeni futhi abantu abanokuzethemba okuphansi bavame ukuthuthukisa i-OCD ngoba bahlushwa ukukhathazeka nokucindezeleka.

Bazibandakanya ekuziphatheni okuyimpoqo nokuphindaphindayo. Bafuna ukuhleleka eduze kwabo futhi bangacindezeleka kakhulu uma izinhlelo zishintsha ngokuzumayo noma kuba nomhlangano ophuthumayo endaweni yokusebenza. Angase abe nokwesaba okungenangqondo mayelana nokuphepha noma ukwesaba okukhulu ukungcola, angaba i-hoarder futhi uzothola amaphephandaba aneminyaka engu-20 endlini yakhe, noma angase aqhubeke edlala ne-cutlery ukuze aqinisekise ukuthi ukuqondanisa kulungile.

Ungayisiza kanjani indoda enokuzethemba okuphansi kanye ne-OCD? Kufanele ubekezele ngokwedlulele. Kwesinye isikhathi ukwelulekwa nokwelashwa kungamsiza ukuthi abuyele endleleni yakhe futhi abhekane nempilo yakhe kangcono.

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6. Uyasola futhi akavikelekile

Ukuthandana nendoda engazithembi kungaba nzima ngoba ngokuqinisekile izokusola kakhulu wena nezinto ozenzayo. Ungaya kumakhelwane wakho ukuze uthole inkomishi yobisi futhi lokho kwanele ukumenza acabange ukuthi umakhelwane uyakushaya. Unezinkinga ezinkulu zokuthembana ngakho ungamangali uma engqondweni yakhe usuvele ubaleke nomakhelwane.

Uhlale ecabanga ukuthi uzothola umuntu othakazelisa kakhulu kunaye ngakho-ke uzogcina iwashi elithule ocingweni lwakho. Angakwazi ngisho nokubhala imibhalo yakho, agcizelele ukuthi ube namagama ayimfihlo enkundla yezokuxhumana, futhi ungamangali uma ngolunye usuku oluhle wazi ukuthi usehlanganise idatha yocingo lwakho.

Uma uthandana nendoda enokuzethemba okuphansi qaphela ukuthi ayinawo umqondo wemingcele yobudlelwane obunempilo, futhi uma uzama ukudala imingcele yemizwa, uzobhekana nokumelana okwedlulele. Ungase uthole imvelo yakhe yokulawula inengeka ngempela, kodwa uma uthanda indoda engazethembi kungase kudingeke unyathele ngokucophelela ukuze ubambe intukuthelo yayo.

7. Uziphatha njengengane ngezinye izikhathi

Uma uthanda indoda engazithembi, kwesinye isikhathi ukuba nayo uzwa sengathi ukhulisa ingane. Ukuqomisana nendoda engazithembi kungase kufane nokujola nengane wesilisa lapho kufanele ulokhu uyitotosa njengoba ubungenza ingane. Angase athukuthelise uma ezizwa enganakwa ngakho kufanele umnake njalo. 

Angase abe yisigqila kulobo budlelwano futhi afune ukuthi umnakekele ngaso sonke isikhathi. Njengoba enemikhuba yobuvila, angathanda ukuthi umnakekele izingubo zakhe, ukudla kwakhe, izindleko zakhe, kanye nakho konke okunye. Ekuqaleni, ukuba kwakhe yisigqila kungaba yinto ethokozisayo, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kuzomqeda amandla. Angase futhi abe nokuthambekela kokuzilimaza ubuhlobo ngakho kungase kube nezikhathi lapho ungagcina usuhlukene nendoda engazihloniphi.

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8. Qaphela iso lakhe elibhodlayo

Ukuzethemba okuphansi emadodeni kuzibonakalisa ngezindlela ezahlukene. Nansi eyodwa. Uma uthandana nendoda engazithembi, kungcono uqaphele ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi uqoma abanye eceleni. Nakuba ebambelele kumuntu wesifazane, lokho akumvimbi ekuvumeleni ukunaka kwakhe kuqhubeke.

Udlala ngothando ngoba uhlala edinga ukuqinisekiswa ukuthi uyathandeka, uyathandeka futhi uyathandeka, konke lokhu kungenxa yokuzethemba kwakhe okuphansi. Lokhu kuyiphutha langempela lokuba nendoda efana nale empilweni yakho ngoba yize ebengafuna ukuthi ube yedwa, ubengeke acabange kabili ngaphambi kokuthandana naleyo ntombazane egqoke ingubo ebomvu ephathini.

Ukuthanda indoda engazithembi kunzima kodwa uma uyithanda kakhulu, ugcina sewamukele iningi lezimpawu zayo ezingezinhle. Kodwa uma kuziwa esidingweni sakhe sokudlala ngothando okungenangqondo abesifazane abaningi abakwazi ukukuthatha futhi yilapho ukuhlukana kwenzeka khona.

9. Uyohlale edlala nawe ikhadi lesisulu

Uma izinto zibheda njengokucindezeleka emnothweni okubangela ukuthi ibhizinisi lakhe lehle noma ligule, noma ebona sengathi izingane zakubo azinakwa, angasebenzisa lokho ukuze agijimele ukuzidabukela. Kungani lokhu kwenzeka kimi? Kungani impilo yami idabukisa kangaka? Futhi njalo njalo njalo. Khona-ke wayezolokhu equmbile ngakho. Lesi ngesinye sezici zomuntu wesilisa onokuzethemba okungenziwa abesifazane abaningi.

Ukuthanda indoda engazihloniphi kungaba nzima uma iqhubeka nokuzidabukela futhi isola abanye ngakho konke okwenzekile. Sithembe uma sikutshela ukuthi kungacasula kakhulu ngemva kwephuzu elithile. Kufanele umqinisekise, umncenge futhi umenze akholelwe ukuthi konke kuhamba kahle. Hawu! Kungumsebenzi onzima kakhulu lowo ebudlelwaneni.

10. Ungenathemba ngokwedlulele

Uma uthanda indoda engazithembi, yazi ukuthi impilo yakho ngeke ibe yilanga namavayibhu ajabulisayo. Uma uphume ngedethi yefilimu futhi eshayela imoto, uzoqala ukukhononda ngokuthi nakanjani ngeke athole indawo yokupaka e-multiplex. Siyazi ukuthi lokhu kuyakuhlanyisa futhi konke ofuna ukukwenza ukumshaya ngenxa yokungabi nandaba kwakhe njalo.

Kodwa indoda engazethembi ingathola kanjalo-ke ukungabi nathemba. Enye into ukuthi angaba owesaba uNkulunkulu ngokwedlulele noma akholelwe ezeni futhi akholelwe emikhubeni ethile nemithandazo yokumlethela inhlanhla.

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Yini Ongayilindela Uma Uthanda Indoda Engazithembi

Ukuzethemba okuphansi endodeni oyithandayo kungenye yobubi obuncane futhi kungalawulwa ngokufaka ukunakekelwa kothando kwesisa enganeni yakhe yangaphakathi. Menze azizwe ethandwa, mncome ngobuqotho futhi ungalokothi, ungalokothi umshaye phansi kunoma yiluphi udaba eningase niludingide.

Indoda enokuzethemba okuphansi ingathukuthela, icindezeleke noma igijimele kuwe ukuze icele usizo, kodwa akunakwenzeka ukuthi izokuhlukumeza noma ingazitika ngezinto ezifana nokukhafula. Ukuhlukana nendoda enokuzethemba okuphansi kuyindlela elula kodwa uma ucabanga ngendlela yokumthanda indoda enokuzethemba okuphansi noma indlela yokusiza indoda enokuzethemba okuphansi, khona-ke ungathatha izinyathelo ezithile ezinhle.

Kubalulekile ukuthi umsize abone isizathu ngobumnene. Futhi uma umbuthano wabangani bakho ubona ukuthi umkhathalela kangakanani, ngeke bathathe ama-potshots kuye. Elinye iphuzu elibalulekile okufanele likhunjulwe ukuthi wonke amadoda athanda ukudingeka, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi azimele kangakanani. Ngakho le ndoda ayihlukile ngaleyo ndlela.

Sekushiwo lokho, ngaphambi kokuthi uqale lolu hambo lwendlela yokuphatha indoda engazithembi, nazi ezinye izinto okufanele uzilindele futhi uzazi.

1. Uyakuthanda, kodwa uyazizonda

Kuzoba lula kakhulu ukuthi ungamqondi kahle. Lapho ekhansela amapulani, ebonisa usuku olusesimweni esibi kakhulu noma evame ukusho izinto ezingezinhle, ungase uthambekele ekucabangeni ukuthi akakuthandi nhlobo. Kodwa lokho, eqinisweni, akulona iqiniso.

Lesi ngesinye sezici zomuntu onokuzethemba okuphansi. Ngenxa yokukhungatheka kwakhe kwangaphakathi, kungase kubonakale sengathi akanandaba nawe kanti empeleni, empeleni umatasa kakhulu ezizwa ekhathazekile futhi ethukuthele. Ngakho-ke lindela ukuthi aziphathe ngezindlela ezingavamile ezingahlobene nawe. Ngeke kube lula ukumbona ewohloka kanjalo, ngakho-ke phakamisa ukuthi athole usizo angaludinga njengoba kunezinzuzo eziningi zokwelulekwa.

2. Uyohlale ekutshela ukuthi akumfanele

Uzokuncoma ngaphezu kwalokho okufunayo, akugeze ngezincomo ezinhle, bese efaka izimpawu zokubhala bonke ngokuthi, “I don’t even deserve you”. Ukuzinyeza kwabesilisa kubenza bazizwe bengakufanele noma babe nenhlanhla nje yokukuthola. Angase akutshele ngisho nezinto ezinjengokuthi, “Usuphumile eqenjini lami” noma “Yini oyibonayo kimi?”

Lokhu kungase kuqale kukuphathe kabi wena wesifazane, ngoba awuqondi ukuthi noma iyiphi yalezi zinkulumo iphumaphi. Umthanda ngokungaphenduki endodeni ayiyo futhi kuzokudabukisa ukuthi akakwazi ukuzibona ephethe i-lens efanayo.

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3. Amadoda anokuzethemba okuphansi ayasaba ukuzinikela

Uma uthanda indoda engazithembi, ungalindeli ukuthi izoguqa ngedolo elilodwa maduze noma ikunike umhlaba nsuku zonke. Akukhona ukuthi ayinandaba nawe, iyakuthanda ngempela, kodwa futhi ithanda ukuzibophezela . Lokhu kwesaba okucatshangwayo kokuzibophezela kuwe (noma kunoma ubani omunye) kuvela emizweni yayo yokungabalulekile. Ikuthola kunzima ukukholelwa ukuthi iyathandeka futhi ayikwazi ukwenza noma yiziphi izinyathelo ezinkulu ebuhlotsheni bayo.

Ngokusobala, unomthwalo wakhe omningi okumele asebenze kuwo ngaphambi kokuthi abeke izinyawo zombili ebuhlotsheni bakhe nawe. Ufuna ukuba indoda engcono kakhulu kuwe futhi ufuna ukukunikeza okukufanele. Yingakho ekuthola kunzima ukuzibophezela kuwena ekubeni engazethembi.

Ngalokho, siphetha lolu hlu lwezimpawu zokuzethemba okuphansi kumuntu wesilisa nokuthi yini okufanele uyilindele kuye. Ukuthandana nomuntu onjalo akulula kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, lokhu akusona isizathu sokuyeka ukubamba isandla sakhe uhambe kuye. Uma umthanda ngempela, buyisela ngokuba lapho ngenxa yakhe futhi umkhiphe kulesi sihlabathi esimanzi esonakalisa ubuhlobo bakho. Uma ungakwazi ukukwenza konke wedwa, iBonobology inephaneli labelaphi abanekhono abaseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.