“Kunzima ukusho ukuthi ubani oneqolo ngoba ubani onaso isikhathi eside ukuze akugwaze kuwo.” - UNicole Richie. Emkhakheni wobudlelwano, abukho ubuhlungu obudlula ubuhlungu bokukhashelwa. Kunzima ukuthethelela umuntu okukhaphele, kungaba umngane wakho womshado, isoka lesikhathi eside, umngane omkhulu, ingane yakini, noma abazali. Kunzima namanje ukwazi ukuthi uzothini kumuntu okukhaphele.
Okudabukisa kakhulu ngokukhaphela ukuthi kunyakazisa ingqikithi yakho futhi kukuphuce amandla akho okukholwa. Kukushiya uzizwa ukhohlisiwe futhi ungafaneleki. Lokhu kungathembani bese kungena kwezinye izici zempilo futhi kungase kuphazamise ikhono lakho lokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo. Kuyohlala kukhona ukungabaza noma izinsolo noma uhlangana nomuntu omusha njengoba le mizwa engemihle igxilile ebuntwini bakho. Futhi lena eminye yemiphumela engokwengqondo yokukhaphela.
Ukuphoxwa ngumuntu othembele kuye kungadabukisa. Kungakushiya udidekile ngempela ukuthi uzothini kumuntu osebenzise ithuba lokumethemba ombeka kuye. Phela, yini ongase uyisho kubo engalungisa umonakalo? Noma bona kuwe ngaleyo ndaba? Ngokudabukisayo, ayikho incwadi echaza indlela efanele yokuphendula ukukhashelwa.
Ukusabela komuntu ngamunye kungase kuhluke, kuye ngobunzima nomthelela wokukhaphela kanye nesimo sabo somzwelo kanye nezindlela zokubhekana nazo. Uma sekushiwo, indlela esisabela ngayo ekukhapheleni ingase isuke endaweni esengozini engokomzwelo engasenza sisho noma senze izinto esingase sizisole ngazo kamuva. Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi lokho akwenzeki kuwe, silapha ukuze sikutshele ukuthi uthini uma othile ekukhaphela ngemininingwane evela kumqeqeshi wezempilo kanye nomeluleki. Joie Bose, ogxile ekuphatheni imishado ehlukumezayo, ukuhlukana nokujola.
Kuyini Ukukhaphela?
Okuqukethwe
Ukuze ukwazi ukuqonda ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nesimo lapho othile ekhaphela ukwethenjwa kwakho, okokuqala udinga ukucaciseleka ngokuthi yini ukukhashelwa kanye nencazelo yokukhashelwa othandweni, ukuze ungadlali ngokweqile umlingani wakho noma izenzo zothandekayo ngaphandle komongo, umsole ngokukukhaphela. Yebo, umlingani wakho odla ucezu lokugcina lwe-pizza uma umcele ngokucacile ukuthi alulondoloze angazizwa enjengokukhaphela kodwa akunjalo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, othandekayo noma okunye okubalulekile ukukubeka phansi phambi kwabanye futhi kukudlulise njengamahlaya kuwuhlobo lokukhaphela ebuhlotsheni obuvame ukungabonakali. Ngokwezwi nezwi, ukukhaphela kungachazwa “njengesenzo sokungathembeki ngamabomu”. Uma le ncazelo ishadile enencazelo yokukhashelwa othandweni, ihlanganisa noma yisiphi isenzo esivusa umuzwa wokulinyazwa umuntu omethembayo noma othandekayo ngesenzo samabomu noma ngokungenzi.
Ezinye zezindlela ezivame kakhulu zokukhaphela othandweni nasebudlelwaneni obuseduze zihlanganisa ukungathembeki, ukungathembeki, ukungathembeki nokudalulwa okulimazayo kolwazi olwabiwa ngokuzethemba. Uma uthemba othile futhi ekukhaphela, imiphumela ingase isuke ekushaqekeni iye osizini, ukulahlekelwa, ukuthatheka ngokweqile, ukulahlekelwa ukuzethemba, ukuzethemba, nezindaba zokwethembana. Ukukhaphela kothandekayo noma othile omethembayo njengomlingani wothando nakho kungaholela ekuguquleni impilo - okungenzeka kube unomphela -ushintsho. Lokhu ukubonakaliswa kwe ukuhlukumezeka kokukhaphela, okungaholela ezinkingeni zempilo yengqondo njengokukhathazeka, i-OCD ne-PTSD.
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Lapho othile ekhaphela ukumethemba kwakho, ungase futhi uthuthukise ukungezwani kwengqondo (ukubamba imicabango engqubuzanayo ngesikhathi esisodwa), ukunciphisa (ukwehlisa ubukhali besenzo sokukhaphela), noma ubumpumputhe bokukhaphela (ukungakwazi ukubona ukukhashelwa naphezu kobufakazi obucacile beqiniso). Ukukhaphela nakho kungabangela ukungcoliswa kwengqondo, lapho umkhapheli eba umthombo wokungcola - okuholela ezenzweni ezingamukelekile zokungavumelani ezibamba umcabango walowo okhashiwe.
Ukukhashelwa Umuntu Omthandayo
Njengoba ubona, kunezinhlobo ezahlukene zokukhaphela ebuhlotsheni. Ukuqamba amanga njalo, ukugcina izimfihlo, ukudalula izimfihlo zakho kwabanye, ukungahloniphi izindinganiso zakho, ukukugxeka lapho ukudinga kakhulu, ukudlala ipolitiki engcolile emsebenzini ukuze uqhubekele phambili…konke lokhu kuyimibala ehlukene yokukhaphela. Umphumela uyafana: ubuhlungu obujulile enhliziyweni yakho kanye nobunzima bokungena ukubuyisela ukwethemba ebudlelwaneni.
Incazelo ekhashiwe igcizelelwa umuzwa wokulahlekelwa nokulimala, nokho, akuwona wonke ukukhaphela okunomthelela ofanayo kungqondo yakho. Ukukhashelwa umuntu omthandayo, ngokwesibonelo, kunzima kakhulu kunokukhohliswa uzakwethu webhizinisi noma osebenza naye emsebenzini. Lokhu kokugcina kuyakuthukuthelisa kodwa okukuqala kulimaza umuzwa wakho wobumina. Kuzo zombili izimo, ukusabela komuntu ekugcineni kuyafana.
Kuzwakala kanjani ukukhashelwa umuntu omthandayo? UJoie uthi, “Ukukhaphela kuyadabukisa, kodwa kubalulekile futhi ukuqonda ukuthi yini ebangela ukuthi umuntu akhombe omunye futhi uma usuzwelana nomuntu owakhaphela, kuba lula ngawe ukwamukela ubuqiniso besimo nobuhlobo.
“Uma izimo, abantu, kanye nezidingo ebudlelwaneni zishintsha, ukubambelela kukho akuyona impumelelo. Empeleni, kuyindlela yokwephula ukwethenjwa kothile nokumkhaphela. Ukubona ukuthi sekuphelile futhi ukuqeda ubuhlobo ngokuvumelana ngaphambi kokuba ukubola kujule kakhulu kungaba ukukhetha okunzima kakhulu kodwa kungakusindisa ekukhapheleni othandweni futhi kukusize unakekele izinkumbulo ezinhle.”
U-Deepak Chopra oyingcweti yenkathi entsha uthi, ubungafuna ukuziphindiselela kumuntu okukhaphele, ufuna ahlupheke ngendlela exakile njengoba wenza noma ubungathanda ukuba umuntu ongcono, uphakame ngaphezu kobuhlungu futhi umxolele. Kodwa nakhu ukubamba. NgokukaChopra, akukho kulezi zimpendulo okuyisixazululo. Isifiso sokuziphindiselela sikwenza uzizwe kabi njengomuntu okukhaphele, kuyilapho ukuthethelela, uma kungenziwanga ngokuvala, kufana nokuzeyisa.
Ukuthini Kumuntu Okukhaphele
Ngakho-ke yini okufanele uyenze ukuze uphulukise inhliziyo ekhashiwe? Uthini kumuntu okukhaphele? Ungase uzizwe ulahlekelwe ngokuphelele njengoba ubhekana nale mibuzo. Ngokwesibonelo, uma usebenzisana nomfazi noma umyeni okukhaphele, kungase kubonakale sengathi awekho amazwi anele emhlabeni ukuze afingqe izinga lobuhlungu nobuhlungu obuzwayo. Futhi unephutha.
Kungakho uma uthemba umuntu othile futhi ekukhaphela, kufanele ukulungele ukubhekana nokwamukela noma yimiphi imizwa engakhululekile onayo. Uma uzizwa uphoxekile kakhulu ngumuntu obumhlonipha kakhulu, umgomo wakho kufanele kube ukubona lokho ozizwayo futhi ubhekane nakho. Ungaphiki ubuhlungu bakho. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokwelapha inhliziyo ekhashiwe ukufunda kanjani ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana, nakuba ngokuqapha.
Ayikho indlela yokulinganisa yonke into. Njengoba nje ukulimala kwakho kungokomuntu siqu, kanjalo nokuphulukiswa kwakho. Kodwa kunezinyathelo ongazithatha ukuze unqobe yonke leyo mizwa emibi kakhulu futhi uthole ukuthula futhi. Nakhu ongakusho kumuntu okukhaphele ukuze ukwazi ukuphulukisa futhi ululame kusukela ekubuyiseleni emuva:
1. “Ngikuthukuthelele futhi ngeke ngikuphike”
Into embi kakhulu ongayenza ngalesi sikhathi ukwenza sengathi konke kuhamba kahle. UJoie uthi, “Ukuphika akusizi. Okusizayo ukwenza konke okudingeka ukwenze ukuze uqhubeke, futhi lokho kuhlanganisa nokuba nobuhlungu obubangelwa izenzo zabo.” Leso yiseluleko esibalulekile okufanele usikhumbule uma uzibuza ukuthi uzothini kumyeni owakukhaphelayo noma unkosikazi owasizakala ngokumethemba kwakho noma umlingani owakugwaza emhlane.
USasha, umgcini mabhuku, wakufunda kabuhlungu lokhu. Wathola ukuthi umlingani wakhe wayemqambela amanga ngezimali, echitha imali engaphezu kwamandla akhe, futhi efihla izindlela zakhe eziwubukhazikhazi ngokuphila ngemva kokunye. Ngokwemvelo, i ukungathembeki ngokwezimali ebudlelwaneni wazizwa njengokwephulwa kokwethembana kodwa wayehamba sengathi kuyibhizinisi njengenjwayelo elinde ukuthi aphumele obala.
Konke kungenxa yokuthi wayengaqondi ngokugcwele ukuthi ukukhaphela kwenzani kumuntu nokuthi ukukuvala umlomo kungenza isimo sibe sibi nakakhulu. Ukuqamba amanga kwakhe njalo kwamenza wamcasukela kakhulu, okwagcina kubahlukanise. Khumbula ukuthi ngeke kulunge konke lapho ungaphinde uthembe umuntu futhi isisekelo sobudlelwano benu sibhidlika.
Vumela ukucasuka kwakho nokukhungatheka kuphume. Gcoba ekujuleni komqondo wakho ngokuzindla noma ngokukhuluma nomuntu onozwela. Bhala lokho okuzwayo, kungaba inqubo ye-cathartic. Uma usukwazi kahle ukuthi yini ekuzwisa ubuhlungu futhi ubhala imizwa yakho ngothile okukhaphele (ingabe indumalo, ukushaqeka, intukuthelo, ubuhlungu?), ungasebenzela ekuzixazululeni. Uma usebenzisana nozakwethu/unkosikazi/umyeni okukhaphele, uhlelo lokuqala lwebhizinisi ukuvuma futhi uzwakalise ukuthi izenzo zabo zikwenze wazizwa kanjani.
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2. “Angikufuni”
Lokhu kungase kubonakale njengomlayezo ophelele wokukhaphela isoka noma intombi noma umngane womshado noma umngane oseduze. Nokho, ukufika kulesi sinqumo ngaphambi kwesikhathi futhi ngaphandle kokubonisana ngokufanele ngokuthi ukuphela kobuhlobo kuzosho ukuthini kuwe nangomunye umuntu kungase kube ukusabela okuxekethile. Futhi yilokho kanye esizama ukukugwema lapha - isidingo sokuphendula ukukhashelwa endaweni yokuba sengozini yemizwa kanye nokukhungatheka.
Kodwa-ke, ngakolunye uhlangothi lwe-spectrum, ukwesaba okungokwemvelo kokulahlekelwa othile omthandayo okungase kufune ukusunduzela eceleni lowo mqondo oqinile okutshela ukuthi kungcono ukukuyeka futhi uqhubeke. Ngokuvamile, abantu bakhetha ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni ngisho nalapho sebeqonde okushiwo ukukhaphela othandweni mathupha ngoba bengafuni ukwamukela okwenzekile noma bangase bazizwe benecala ngokwengxenye.
Manje, othile okukhaphele ukutshele ngokungaqondile ukuthi imizwa yakho nezinto ezikukhathazayo azinandaba naye kakhulu. Ukube kwenzekile ubengeke akugwaze emhlane. Ngakho-ke, faka lokho futhi uhlole ukuguquguquka kobudlelwano bakho ngaphambi kokuthi unqume ukuthi uzothini kumuntu okukhapheleyo. Uma usuthole ithuba lokuxazulula imizwa yakho futhi usuqinisekile 100% ngalokho okufunayo, vele uqhubeke ubatshele lokho okuzwayo.
Awukho umqondo otheni wokuba nomuntu okukhaphele futhi ongathenjwa. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma bengakuthembi esikhathini esidlule noma bengabonisi ukuzisola ngakho. Uma othile ekhaphela ukwethenjwa kwakho, unalo lonke ilungelo lokumsusa empilweni yakho futhi uqhubeke. Nokho, qiniseka ukuthi awusenzi lesi sinqumo kalula. Linda kuze kube yilapho usupholile futhi ulinganise ubukhulu bokukhashelwa ngokubona ukubaluleka kwakho empilweni yakho ngaphambi kokuba unqume ukuqeda ukuxhumana nomuntu omthandayo.
3. “Ngiyakuxolela, ngiyaqonda”
Lona umlayezo ohlabayo oya kumuntu okukhaphele ngoba lokhu kungase kube yinto yokugcina abangalindele ukuthi uyisho. Lapho ukhohliswa, kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukungahlanganyeli ngalutho nomkhapheli. Umuntu okukhaphele angase alindele ukuthi ungathanda ukumane unciphise ukulahlekelwa kwakho uqhubeke, noma ngabe kubonakala kunzima kangakanani. Nakuba isinqumo sokuthi uyamfuna yini lowo muntu empilweni yakho noma cha, akusona leso okufanele usenze kalula.
Ukwenza endaweni yokuqonda nobubele kungakusiza wenze isinqumo esikumisa kahle esikhathini esizayo. "Indlela engcono kakhulu yokusabela ekukhapheni iwukutshela omunye wakho obalulekile ukuthi udinga ukuhlola ubuhlobo bakho nalokho okulindele komunye nomunye. Uma kusebenza, kuhle noma kuhle, ngaphandle kwalokho, ulungele ukwehlukana," kusho uJoie.
Umlayezo wakho wokukhaphela isoka/intombi/umngane womshado kufanele ubonise ukuthi ushaqeke futhi uphatheke kabi kangakanani kodwa futhi ubonise uhlangothi lwakho olunozwela. Ngakho-ke, ungathini kumuntu okukhaphele ukuze aveze indlela akwenze wazizwa ngayo? Batshele ukuthi abakwenzile kukushiye nesilonda esikhulu. Phinda ubuqotho bakho ngisho nangesikhathi bakuzwise ubuhlungu obukhulu. Nokho, qiniseka ukuthi bayazi ukuthi awesabi suka ebudlelwaneni lapho ungaziswa khona.
4. “Ngiyabonga ngokungifundisa okungafanele ngamukele”
Yini okufanele uyenze uma othile ekhaphela ukwethenjwa kwakho? Khumbula ukuthi zonke izigameko ezimbi zenzeka ukuze zisifundisa isifundo, ngakho-ke siphathe njengesinye. Uma uthemba umuntu futhi ekukhaphela, kuba sengathi kukhona okufake insangu emathunjini akho futhi wasonta ingaphakathi lakho. Akukho ukuphika lokho. Kodwa futhi iletha ekuvukeni kwayo ukuqaphela okubalulekile kwalokho ozimisele ukukwamukela nalokho ongekho.
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Lapho usebenza nomuntu okukhaphele, kuphathe njengethuba lokufunda okuthile okubalulekile izifundo ezivela ebudlelwaneni obuhlulekile. Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho okhohlisayo noma umngane wakho ukufundise ukuthi ungagxili kakhulu ngokumethemba kwakho. Mhlawumbe konke kwenzeke ukuze kukufundise ukubaluleka kwemingcele. UJoie uthi, “Lesi isimo sengqondo esifanelekile sokubhekana nokuphulwa kokwethembeka kanye nendlela efanele yokusabela ekukhapheni ebuhlotsheni.”
Kungase kungabonakali kanjalo uma ubuza njalo, “Kungani ukukhaphela kubuhlungu kangaka?”, kodwa lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kuzokuhlakanipha nakakhulu. Uma ungena ebudlelwaneni bakho obulandelayo, ngeke uphinde wenze amaphutha obudlelwano obufanayo futhi. Izifundo zingase zikuzuzise nakwezinye izici - njengomsebenzi wakho kanye nobudlelwano bomndeni. Uzofunda ukuzazisa kakhulu.
5. "Ngizozama ukuqhubeka ngomusa"
Ngenkathi udinga ukuvuma intukuthelo yakho futhi ufunde izifundo zakho, kufanele futhi ufunde ukuyiyeka. Akusho ukuthi ukhohlwe isigameko; vele ugxile kokuhle okuvela kukho. UKarl wathola ukuthi owesifazane ayethembisene naye umshado wayenenye impilo ayengazi lutho ngayo. Wayekade ehlukene nesahlukaniso esibi, futhi wayesanda kusula okwedlule, kwehlela ebuyena, futhi wahamba ezweni lonke ukuze aqale kabusha.
Lapho u-ex wakhe efika futhi emtshela konke mayelana nesikhathi sakhe esidlule, uKarl waphatheka kabi. “Kwezinga elithile, ngasiqonda isidingo sakhe sokuzivikela ubudlelwano mbumbulu futhi owesifazane engangifuna ukumshada wayesakhe isisekelo sesibopho sethu emangeni nasenkohliso. Ngakho-ke, ngamtshela ukuthi ngeke ngikwazi ukuqhubeka nalokhu kukhohlisa futhi ngifuna ukuqhubeka ngaphandle kokwenza izinto zonakalise. Yilokho engangikudinga ukuze ngiphulukise inhliziyo ekhashiwe, futhi waqonda,” usho kanje.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma othile okukhaphele ezisola ngalokho akwenzile futhi nobabili nilungele ukubuyisana, kwenzeni lokho ngokuqaphela okuphelele. Izinto kungenzeka zingabuyeli emuva ngendlela ezaziyiyo ngaphambili kodwa ungakufaki enhliziyweni yakho isikhathi eside. Ungalokothi ubuyekeze isigameko ngokuzayo. Uma niba nengxabano kamuva, zama ukungayiphonsi ebusweni bomlingani wakho. Yiba nomusa; qhubekela phambili ngempela esiqeshini.
6. “Awubalulekile, ukululama kwami”
Ukukhaphela kwenzani kumuntu? Kungase kuphazamise ikhono lakho lokuthemba abanye futhi kungase kube nomthelela endleleni owakha ngayo ubudlelwano esikhathini esizayo. Yingakho kubalulekile ukugxila ekwelapheni kwakho ngemuva kokwephulwa kokwethembeka. Kulokhu kuqonda kukhona impendulo yokuthi yini ongayisho kumuntu okukhaphele.
Ungahlali isikhathi eside ebuhlungwini obubangelwa umuntu okukhaphele. UJoie uthi: “Lapho uhlola ukuthi yini okufanele uyisho lapho othile ekukhaphela, kubalulekile ukuba uzikhumbuze ukuthi akufanele umnike lowo muntu ithuba lokubuka umonakalo odalwe yisimo sakho esingokomzwelo.
Zama futhi wenze uhlelo oluphathekayo ukuze ululame futhi ube nempilo futhi. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokunqoba ukukhashelwa iwukuba ujabule futhi uphumelele ngakho-ke gxila ezintweni ezingakwenza uphile futhi futhi uvuse izingxenye ezinganakiwe zempilo yakho kuze kube manje. Ukuzithanda ikhambi elingcono kakhulu lokukhaphela futhi utshele umuntu okuzwise ubuhlungu obukhulu kangangokuthi uzikhethela wena phezu kwakhe kuwumlayezo ongcono kakhulu wokukhaphela isoka/intombi/umaqondana/umngane womshado.
Impilo yakho ingaphezulu kakhulu kobudlelwano bakho (yize bekubukeka ngenye indlela lapho ukhohliswa). Unabangane bakho, umsebenzi, umndeni kanye nekusasa lonke okulindele ngabomvu. Bhalisa ekilasini elithile obufuna ukulenza, funda okuthile okusha, thatha lolo hambo uwedwa, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, zama futhi uhlangane nabantu abasha.
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7. “Ngizofuna umngane weqiniso ongafani nawe”
Kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okuhlukanisayo ngempela lapho othile ekhaphela ukwethenjwa kwakho. Lezi yizikhathi lapho udinga umuntu ozomethemba weqiniso. Nakuba ukuphila kungase kukunikeze noma kungakunikezi ithuba lokulungisa izinto nomuntu okukhaphele, ngokuqinisekile ungamfuna umngane oye wabhekana nobuhlungu obufanayo nowaphuma kubo ngempumelelo.
Kuyokusiza ukuqaphela ukuthi akuwena wedwa oye wakhashelwa. Uma ubuhlungu bakho budlulele kakhulu, ungahlali uthule. Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kungaba usizo kakhulu ezimeni ezifana nalezi. Umeluleki uzokusiza ukucubungula ubuhlungu futhi ubheke isimo ngendlela efanele. Kuyasiza ekwelapheni. Uma ufuna ukwesekwa okufanele kanye nosizo lokubhekana nobuhlungu bokukhashelwa, abeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi Iphaneli yochwepheshe be-Bonobology zilapha kuwe.
8. “Ngeke ngikhathazeke ngokukhaphela kwakho”
Lena into okumele uyikhulume kuwena ukwedlula umuntu okukhaphele nongeke uthenjwe. Phinda lokhu ngokuphindaphindiwe uze ufunde ukumisa isitobhi ngemva kokuba isikhathi sokulila ngenxa yobuhlobo sesiphelile. Kunzima kakhulu ukwedlula ukukhashelwa kodwa ukunaka okwedlule ngeke kusize inqubo yokuphola. Zindla futhi uzuze amandla phezu kwemicabango yakho futhi wenze ukuthula nokwedlule kwakho.
Akekho okufanele abaleke ekwephuleni omunye umuntu amethemba futhi akekho okufanele aphile ngaphansi kwethunzi lokukhashelwa umuntu abethembele kuye.
Qaphela futhi uvume imiphumela yokukhaphela kodwa ungayibambi isikhathi eside kakhulu. Awufuni ubuhlungu bokukhashelwa umuntu obumethembile ukuthi akuchaze ukuthi ungubani. Isinyathelo ngasinye osithathayo kufanele siqonde ekwelapheni futhi ungabambeki endaweni efanayo.
9. "Ngizongithanda ngaphezu kwalokho engangikuthanda wena"
Indlela yokubuyisela ukholo lwakho ebudlelwaneni izohamba kancane kwazise ukwethenjwa kwakho bekuzocekelwa phansi ngumuntu okukhaphele. Kulungile, uzolingana kancane kancane izingcezu zephazili ngayinye. Okokuqala, zama ukuba nokholo kuwe ngokungazahluleli ngokweqile noma uzibeke icala.
Bese, khomba abantu abazuza ukuzethemba kwakho kuyilapho kancane kancane uzihlukanisa nalabo ongatholi i-vibe enhle kubo. Hlonipha umuzwa wakho wemvelo. Noma yini oyenzayo, zigcine usesikhungweni ngoba ayikho indlela engcono yokwelapha inhliziyo ekhashiwe ngaphandle kokuthi ufunde ukuzithanda wena. Ungavumeli imibono yokuzidela, uthando olungenamibandela zikubambezele ebudlelwaneni uma inhliziyo yakho ingasekho kubo.
Ukuthi “ngizikhethela mina phezu kwakho” kuyinto engcono kakhulu ongayisho kumyeni owakukhaphela, umfazi owazuza ngokungafanele ngenxa yokumethemba, noma umlingani owakugwaza emhlane. Okushiwo "ukuzikhetha mina" kukuwe ukuthi unqume - kungasho ukuthatha ikhefu ukuze ugxile ekwelapheni kwakho noma ukunqamula umuntu ophule ukwethenjwa kwakho. Noma ngabe yini oyinqumayo kuyisinqumo esisemthethweni, ungavumeli muntu akutshele ngenye indlela.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinyathelo Eziyisi-8 Zokuthethelela Ngokuphelele Umuntu Okukhohlisile
Okwenza Nokungakwenzi Uma Umuntu Ekukhaphela
Njengoba sishilo ngaphambili, azikho izimpendulo ezilungile nezingalungile zokuthi ungathini uma othile ekukhaphela. Izimpendulo zakho zingancika esimweni sakho somzwelo, uhlobo lobudlelwano bakho, ubukhulu bokukhaphela kanye nokuqonda kwakho ukuthi yini edala ukuthi umuntu akhaphele omunye. Isibonelo, ukuthola ukuthi uzothini kumyeni okukhaphele kungaba nzima kakhulu kunokuza nomlayezo wokukhaphela isoka. Ingasaphathwa, izimpendulo zakho kuzo zombili izimo zingahluka kakhulu.
Noma kunjalo, ukuba nesethi ethile yezinkombandlela ezibanzi kungenza ukuzulazula kube yimiphumela yangemva kwe-a ukukhaphela ebudlelwaneni kube lula kuwe. Le mihlahlandlela ingasebenza njengehange elikutshela ukuthi ungahamba ibanga elingakanani ukuveza ukudabuka nokudumala kwakho nokuthi ungawudweba kuphi umugqa ukuze ukukhaphela kanye nempendulo yakho kukho kungaqhubeki kukuhlupha iminyaka ezayo. Ukuze wenze lokho, nakhu ukwehla kokunye okuyisisekelo okumelwe ukwenze nokungamelwe ukwenze ukuze ubhekane nokukhashelwa umuntu omthandayo nomethembayo:
| Amabili | Ungenzi |
| Xhumana nabathandekayo bakho kanye nemibuthano yakho yangaphakathi yabantu ukuze uthole ukwesekwa lapho ubhekana nokukhaphela ebuhlotsheni | Ungazihlukanisi futhi uzigaxe ezinhlungwini uwedwa. Akudingekile ukuba udlule kulokhu uwedwa |
| Bheka izimpendulo, zama ukuqonda ukuthi yini edala ukuthi umuntu akhaphele omunye. Ukuzifundisa ngokwenzekile nokuthi kungani kungenza kube lula ukubhekana nokwephulwa kokwethembeka | Ungaguquli ukufuna kwakho izimpendulo kube ukuthatheka. Nakuba kusiza ukuba nokuqonda kokuthi kungani umuntu obumethembayo akukhaphela, kufanele futhi wamukele ukuthi ungase ungabi nazo zonke izimpendulo. |
| Zivumele ukuthi ubhekane nalesi simo usuku olulodwa ngesikhathi. Yazi ukuthi kulungile ukungazi noma ufuna ukuhamba noma ukuhlala noma ube nemizwa engqubuzanayo mayelana nezimo okuzo | Ungenzi noma yiziphi izinqumo ezinkulu lapho uphakathi kokuyaluza emoyeni. Ngisho noma unesiqiniseko sokuthi uyazi ukuthi ufuna ukusisingatha kanjani lesi simo, lala ngaso |
| Finyelela usizo lochwepheshe ngokushesha ongakhona ngakho. Izokusiza ukuthi ulungise yonke leyo mizwa exubile, engqubuzanayo ngendlela enenqubo kanye nokusiza ekwelapheni kwakho. | Unganqeni ukufuna usizo oludinga ngokusobala. Ukuthola usizo akukwenzi ube buthakathaka noma ungakwazi ukunakekela okwakho izidingo ezingokomzwelo |
| Yiba nomusa kuwe. Ungazibeki icala noma wamukele icala ngokukhaphela omunye umuntu, ngisho noma lowo muntu kungumlingani wakho | Vumela umuntu abaleke ekukukhapheleni futhi ephule ukuthembela kwakho egameni lokumncisha kancane noma ukuthatha umbono onozwela ngalesi simo. |
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Ukukhashelwa kothandekayo kungaba isenzakalo esibuhlungu esingashintsha wonke umbono wakho ngobudlelwano
- Indlela efanele yokuphendula ukukhashelwa incike ezintweni eziningi - isimo sakho somzwelo, uhlobo lobuhlobo bakho, ubukhulu bokukhashelwa
- Impendulo yakho ekukhapheleni akufanele ivele endaweni yokuba sengozini yemizwa
- Ukuzivikela nokugxila ekwelapheni kwakho kubaluleke kakhulu kunokwazi ukuthi uzothini uma othile ekukhaphela
Ukukhaphela noma ukungathembeki kungashintsha ukuphila. Kodwa ukukhetha kukuwe ukuthi ufuna ukuvela unamandla futhi uhlakaniphe kakhudlwana kukho noma uma ufuna ukuzidabukela, futhi upende umhlaba wonke ngebhulashi elifanayo. Musa ukuzincisha uthando nobungane obukufanele ngokucebile. Khetha ngokuhlakanipha.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Kungaba nezizathu eziningana zokukhaphela. Ubugovu, ukungabi nazwelo ezidingweni zomlingani noma umngane, imfuneko yokuvikela isithakazelo somuntu siqu, nokuhaha ngezinye zezici ezenza umuntu athengise omunye.
Kufanele nakanjani ukhulume ngendlela ozizwa ngayo kumuntu okukhaphele. Mazise ubuhlungu obubangelwe yizenzo zakhe. Thola izizathu zokuthi kungani bekudumaza futhi wahlulele uma befanelwe yithuba lesibili.
Ukukhaphela okukhulu ebudlelwaneni ukujola naye umuntu omaziyo umlingani wakho. Ukwehlisa umlingani wakho ngesikhathi esibalulekile empilweni yakhe nakho kuyinto elimaza kakhulu futhi engenazwelo.
Ukuze unqobe ukukhashelwa yi-ex, funda ukuzehlukanisa nomuzwa. Faka imali kuwe, zijwayeze ukuzithanda futhi ululaphe futhi kancane kancane ufunde ukuthemba umuntu olungile futhi. Ayikho indlela engcono yokudlula ukukhashelwa ngaphandle kokujabula.
Ungawunqamula Kanjani Umjikelezo Wokukhashelwa Owakwakho Ononya
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
