Konke Odinga Ukukwazi Mayelana Nobudlelwano Bezentengiselwano

Ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana bungokoqobo, nakuba umqondo ungase uzwakale wenziwe. Eqinisweni, lo mqondo uye wakhanga abantu abaningi kusukela ngesikhathi uStephanie Winston Wolkoff, umngane nomeluleki walowo owayengunkosikazi wokuqala wase-US, uMelania Trump, eveza imininingwane eshaqisayo mayelana nobudlelwano bukaMelania noDonald Trump. Engxoxweni yakhe neBBC, ubize umshado wabo “njengesivumelwano.” Ngakho-ke, ingabe uthando luyathengiselana kulezi zinsuku? Abantu bahlala kanjani ekuxhumekeni okunjalo kwezentengiselwano? Ingabe imishado enjalo iyasebenza? Ingabe ubudlelwano besimanje bukwenza ucabange uma kuwuthando lwetransaction vs uthando olungenamibandela?

Ngokombiko othile cwaningo ezindleleni zokuthengiselana phakathi kwemibhangqwana eshadile, kwatholakala ukuthi ebuhlotsheni obunjalo, amazinga aphezulu ezimpawu zokucindezeleka abonakala. Lokhu kwaba nomthelela ekwehleni okukhulu kokwaneliseka kwabo emshadweni.

Njengoba lesi kuyisihloko esingacacile futhi esiyinkimbinkimbi, sifinyelele kusazi wezengqondo Shazia Saleem (I-Masters in Psychology), esebenza ngokukhethekile ngokwehlukana nokwelulekwa ngokwedivosi, ukuze aqonde kabanzi ngohlobo lobudlelwano obunjalo nomthelela wabo kubantu abahilelekile.

Buyini Ubudlelwano Bezentengiselwano?

Incazelo yobudlelwane bohwebo ilula kakhulu. Ihlanganisa i-ajenda ecacile 'yabantu-njengezindlela,' okusho ukuthi ihlanganisa ukwabela imisebenzi ebudlelwaneni ukuze kuhlangatshezwane nemigomo ethile. UShazia uthi, “Akunakuphikwa ukuthi lolu hlobo lobudlelwano lusebenza kakhulu kumgomo wokuphiwa bese uthatha esikhundleni sokuyekethisa, uthando, nokuba sengozini.”

Umqondo uhluke kakhulu encazelweni yakudala yokuthi uthando olungaxutshwe nalutho lokho kusekelwe ekuheheni, ekuthandeni, ekuzweleni, ekusebenzelaneni nasekubongeni. Ake sibhekisise futhi sithole ukuthi ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana bugoqelani:

• Uthando lwetransaction lusekelwe embonweni othi 'uyanginwaya umhlane bese nginwaya owakho'. Njengesivumelwano sebhizinisi, ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana bunohlelo olusiza bobabili ozakwethu. Lezi zibalo zingase zibukeke kanje: “Ngizokunakekela futhi ungenze ngibukeke ngimuhle ezimeni zokuxhumana,” “Siyashada futhi sihlanganise amafa ethu, silondoloze okusemthethweni nokucutshungulwa,” kanye nokuthi “Umshado wethu uyikhava yokusondelana kwethu kwezocansi.”
• Ebudlelwaneni obunjalo, kuzoba nezibopho ezicacile kanye nemivuzo yabo bobabili abalingani. Imishado ehleliwe, evame kakhulu emasikweni amaningi alondolozayo, mhlawumbe ingesinye sezibonelo ezindala kakhulu nezivunywe kakhulu emphakathini zobudlelwano bokuthengiselana.
• Ubudlelwano obunjalo buyasebenza futhi bulungele abalingani. Kodwa uma abalingani behluleka ukulinganisa, kungase kubangele impilo yabo yengqondo
• Isayikholoji yezobudlelwane bohwebo ingase ihlotshaniswe eduze nezimo lapho uthando lunemibandela, lapho ubonisa khona umlingani wakho uthando kuphela lapho enza ngokuvumelana nokufisa kwakho... Ngokungafani nokuxhumana kwezothando okwakhelwe phezu kwesisekelo sothando nenhlonipho, “okungisizayo” kuba isisekelo sobudlelwano be-quid pro quo

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Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zobudlelwano Bezentengiselwano

Izixhumanisi zokwenziwayo ziza ngazo zonke izinhlobo nosayizi futhi zingachazwa njengokuxhumana okumsulwa kwe-quid pro quo. Ukuthi ububi belungiselelo elinjalo bungaphezu kobuhle kuxhomeke ezimweni ezingavamile kanye nombono wabantu abahilelekile. Ezinye izici ezijwayelekile zobudlelwano obunjalo yilezi:

1. Gxila ezinzuzweni

Ngenxa yohlelo lwe-quid pro quo, kuhlale kunokugxila okwengeziwe kokuthi ubani oletha ini etafuleni. Eqinisweni, ukuxhumana kwezentengiselwano kungelinye nje igama lokupha nokulindela okuthile njengembuyiselo. Awusoze nika kakhulu ebuhlotsheni obunjalo.

2. Okulindelwe yizinhlangothi zombili

Ngokungafani nobudlelwano obungewona obokuthengiselana, lapho okulindelwe kungonakalisa isisekelo sothando, ekuxhumekeni kokuthengiselana, okulindelwe kusebenza njengesisekelo sesibopho. Bobabili ozakwethu bokwenziwe balindele izinto ezithile komunye nomunye. Kusukela laba okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni kuvunyelwana ngakho, mancane amathuba okungezwani nezingxabano. 

3. Ukuthola okuningi kunokupha

Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo obusekelwe othandweni nasekusondelaneni, ozakwethu abawagcini amaphuzu. Okugxilwe kukho konke ukuxhumana kohwebo, nokho, kusekutholeni imbuyiselo kulokho umuntu akutshalile. I-psychology yobudlelwano bohwebo imayelana nokwamukela. Bobabili abalingani benza konke okusemandleni abo ukwenza ubudlelwano busebenze inqobo nje uma beqhubeka nokuthola abakuthenjisiwe.

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4. Izivumelwano zangaphambi komshado zingenzeka

A isivumelwano sangaphambi komshado icacisa imigomo nemibandela yomshado nokuthi kwenzekani uma noma yimuphi umlingani engawuhloniphi. Ezimweni zezehlukaniso ezingathandeki, ukushada kuqala kubaluleke kakhulu. Ezimweni ezinjalo, umshado uvalwa hhayi ngezifungo zomshado kodwa ngencwadi engokomthetho echaza ukuthi ubani ozozuzani.

5. Kungaba nempilo

“Ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana bungaba nempilo uma bobabili abalingani besekela isiphetho sabo sokuxoxisana ngobuqotho nangokwethembeka.Uma bekulungele ukuziphendulela ngamazwi nangezenzo zabo futhi bekhetha ukuba nomthwalo wemfanelo ngokulinganayo kunoma yiziphi izimo noma izimo abakuzo, asikho isizathu sokuthi kungani bengakwazi ukuchuma.

"Ekupheleni kosuku, kuwuhlobo olulinganayo lobudlelwano futhi luza nezinto eziningi ezilindelwe komunye nomunye," kusho. Shazia, ekhuluma ngokuthi isibopho sothando sokuhweba singase sithele izithelo kanjani.

6. Imizwelo emincane noma engekho, konke kulula

Ibhondi yokwenziwe ayisekelwe emizweni. Ukuhleka, ukugcona, ukwenza izinkumbulo - konke lokhu kuthatha indawo engemuva. Ukuxhumana okunjalo kusekelwe ekululameni. Ngokwesibonelo, abantu abasebudlelwaneni obunjalo banamathelana ngezizathu ezingokoqobo, njenge:

• Ukukhulisa izingane ngemva kokushona kowayeshade naye
• Ukwabelana ngezindleko zokuphila
• Okulindelwe umndeni noma izintandokazi
• Izibopho zenkolo
• Ukuthuthela kwelinye izwe noma idolobha

7. Imigomo ehlukene

Ebudlelwaneni obunjalo, kuvamile ukuthi abalingani babe nemigomo ehlukene. Futhi ngaphezu amagoli ambalwa, kugxilwe emigomweni yomuntu ngamunye. Isibonelo, umngane wami, uCynthia, washada ukuze afinyelele kalula ezweni lakubo. Waqala ukuhlala ngokuhlukana nomyeni wakhe lapho efika kulelo zwe. Eqinisweni, wajoyina isikhungo lapho ukuze athole iziqu, kanti umyeni wakhe wayegxile ebhizinisini lakhe. Lokhu empeleni kungaba yinto enhle futhi kungasekela ukukhula komuntu siqu, uma bobabili abalingani behamba kahle ngakho.

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8. Ozakwethu bachaza impumelelo ngendlela ehlukile

Njengasekwenziweni kwebhizinisi, ekuxhumekeni kohwebo nakho, impumelelo ikalwa ngokulindelwe kanye nokulethwa. Ngakho-ke, uma kwenzeka lokho okulindelekile kungafezwa, ubuhlobo nabo buyaphazamiseka.

Ngokwesibonelo, owesifazane oshada nendoda ngenxa yamathemba akhe emisebenzi athembisayo nethemba lendlu engcono, imoto entsha, noma iholide laminyaka yonke lamazwe ngamazwe, angase acabangele ukumshiya uma exoshwa emsebenzini noma kutholakala ukuthi unesifo esingelapheki esingase sibaqedele izimali zabo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ubuhlobo obuchumayo othandweni ngokuvamile buba nabalingani abazivumelanisa nokungaqiniseki noma abazwelana bodwa. Ebudlelwaneni bothando, abalingani nabo bayanamathela ndawonye ekuguleni nasezinhlungwini.

9. Izindima zichazwe ngaphambilini

Ebudlelwaneni obunjalo, umlingani ngamunye unendima yakhe. Ezinye izibonelo yilezi:

• Umyeni nguye owondla izingane, kanti inkosikazi inakekela izingane
• Inkosikazi isebenzela umkhaya, kanti indoda inakekela umsebenzi wasekhaya

Ozakwethu bagcina amaphuzu okuthi omunye uyenza kahle kangakanani indima. Futhi izinkinga ziyavela uma kukhona ukuphutha. Ezinye izibonelo zokugcina amaphuzu ebudlelwaneni yilezi:

• “Ngiwukhiphile udoti namuhla, uzowenza kusasa.”
• "Ngihambe nenja ngesonto eledlule, ngakho uzokwenza kuleli sonto."
• “Imali engiyibekele indlu ngiyitshalile, ngakho uzothola ifenisha nezinto zikagesi.”

10. Kuzwakala kuwumsebenzi onzima

Ubudlelwano obunjalo bunezinsuku zokugcina ezingabhaliwe zokuthi okulindelwe kuhlangatshezwane nakho. Futhi umlingani angase azizwe ekhathele uma engafinyeleli kulokho okulindele. Ngokwesibonelo, indoda ingase yenziwe izizwe ingafaneleki uma ingamkhiphi umkayo aye eholidini elibizayo minyaka yonke. Ngokufanayo, umfazi angase enziwe azizwe kabi uma ekhohlwa umsebenzi wesikole wengane yakhe. Njengoba ophathina bebophelana emisebenzini, ngokuvamile kuncane noma akukho nhlobo ezothando, ukuzijabulisa, noma ukuhleka.

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5 Izinzuzo Zobudlelwano Bezentengiselwano

Izici zokuxhumana kwezentengiselwano zingase zibonakale ziphikisana nomqondo wothando. Kodwa cabanga ngakho, bonke ubudlelwano bufana nokuthengiselana okusethiwe ngaphambilini okulindelwe ubudlelwano futhi bobabili abalingani balethe amandla abo nobuthakathaka babo etafuleni. Futhi, ubudlelwano obunjalo abunalo ngempela uthando, futhi akudingekile ukuba zonke izici zibhalwe phansi. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungaba nobudlelwano noma cha obususelwe kunqubomgomo yokunikeza futhi uthathe, nazi ezinye izinzuzo okufanele uziqaphele:

1. Security

Njengasebudlelwaneni bebhizinisi, ebudlelwaneni bokuthengiselana futhi, bobabili ozakwethu baqinisekisa ukuthi akukho ukungalingani kuzibalo zabo. Ngokufanayo, kukhona ukubuyisana okulinganayo ebudlelwaneni obufana nalobu, uma kuziwa ezidingweni. Ngakho, kukhona ukulondeka nokulinganisela emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni. Ngakho, abanye abantu bazizwa belondekile ebuhlotsheni obunjalo.

Ebudlelwaneni bendabuko, uthando lungamandla abophayo. Kodwa-ke, uma lolu thando lungasekelwa ukuhloniphana, ukubeka izinto obala, ukwesekana, nokwethembeka, amandla angashintshashintsha. Ngenxa yalokho, omunye umlingani angase angazinaki ngokuphelele izidingo, izifiso, nezinto ezifunwa omunye. Kumabhondi okuhweba, bobabili ozakwethu benza isiqiniseko sokuthi baphila ngokuvumelana nezindima zabo.

2. Ukulingana okukhulu

“Izinzuzo eziyinhloko zobudlelwano obunjalo ukulingana, ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni, kanye neqiniso lokuthi awukho umdlalo osolwayo. Ngokuvamile kuba nokucaca nokuvuleleka, njengoba kuza nengqondo enqunywe kusengaphambili kanye nokulindelwe kwalokho okufanele kwenziwe ngumlingani ngamunye.

“Umgomo wokupha futhi uthathe ubekwe ngokucacile, futhi umlingani ngamunye uyazi ukuthi yini okufanele ayenze ukuze akwazi ukuzuza izinzuzo.” Inqobo nje uma bobabili abalingani besakhuluma ngalokho abakulindele nokuthi balindele ukukuthola kanjani, ngokuvamile akukho ukudideka,” kusho uShazia. Ubudlelwano obunjalo ngokuvamile ngeke buhlanganise ukuxhashazwa kobugovu kohlangothi olulodwa. Bobabili ozakwethu bayakwazi ukubaluleka kwabo futhi bazimisele ukuxoxisana futhi bafinyelele endaweni emaphakathi. Khumbula, abukho ubudlelwano bokuhweba obunohlangothi olulodwa.

3. Inetha elikhulu lokuphepha elisemthethweni

Esimeni esidabukisayo sesehlukaniso, imishado yokuhwebelana inemiphumela engcono kakhulu kubo bobabili abalingani ngoba nivikeleke kakhulu ngokomthetho. Kungase kuzwakale kungezona ezothando, kodwa ukwehlukana kuvame ukuba kubi lapho umlingani oyedwa ezizwa edelelekile futhi ingekho indlela yangempela yokulinganisa ukuthi ubani ozolahlekelwa okwengeziwe. Noma ngabe udlula ku-a ukuhlukaniswa kwecala futhi ucabange ukuthi usilungiselele isehlukaniso, impi yezomthetho ingadla yonke futhi iqede amandla.

Ekhuluma ngezinzuzo zama-prenups, ummeli Tahini Bhushan ngaphambilini watshela iBonobology , "Ezimweni ezidabukisayo zesehlukaniso, ukuba khona kwe-prenup kususa umthwalo enkantolo. Imibhangqwana akudingeki ibhekane namacala amaningi lapho abathintekayo bedonselana phansi futhi bezama ukopha omunye nomunye. Kunethuba elingcono ukuthi yonke inqubo iba lula kakhulu.

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4. Ukwethembeka

Ukwethembeka yikho okubambe ubudlelwano obunjalo ndawonye. Njengoba bobabili abalingani bazi kwasekuqaleni ukuthi uthando aluyona into ehamba phambili nokuthi bobabili basebudlelwaneni ukuze bathole okuthile kubo, mancane amathuba okuthi umlingani asole omunye ngokungathembeki kamuva. Awukho futhi umbuzo wokusetshenziswa ebudlelwaneni obufana nalobu.

5. Sula imingcele

Inzuzo enkulu yokuziphatha kohwebo ukuthi kunemingcele. Njengoba ubuhlobo obunjalo bubeka okulindelwe okucacile, imingcele yabo nayo iqinile. Ngakho, uma indoda kulindeleke ukuba yenze imali futhi inikeze umkayo ukuphila kokunethezeka, ingase ibeke umngcele lapho kuziwa ekubeni itholakalele umkakhe. Futhi ingxenye engcono kakhulu ukuthi, abantu abasebudlelwaneni obunjalo ngokuvamile abazizwa kabi ngemingcele enjalo, njengoba izibopho ezinjalo zimayelana nokupha nokuthatha ubuhlobo.

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5 Ububi Bobudlelwano Bezentengiselwano

"Yonke into iza nengxenye yayo yokubi nezinzuzo. Njengakho konke okunye, ukuxhumana kwezentengiselwano kusekude nokuphelela," kusho uShazia. Ngaphandle kweqiniso lokuthi ubudlelwano obunjalo bubonakala buphambana nemfundiso yobudlelwano obusekelwe kwezothando nothando, nazi ezinye izinto ezimbi zokuxhumana okunjalo:

1. Ubukhona buthuntu

Imibhangqwana ivame ukuhlala imishado engajabulisi ngoba kuningi okumele bakulahlekele uma behlukana. Ngakho-ke, kungase kube nezithakazelo zezezimali ezihlanganyelwe, ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ubuso emphakathini, noma ukuphazamiseka kwezingane. Kodwa bangase bayeke ngisho nokwenza imizamo yokulungisa imifantu ebuhlotsheni babo, okuholela ekwandeni kwegebe elikhona. Futhi, ubulili bokuthengiselana emshadweni bungaba yisicefe ngokufanayo.

Imibhangqwana enjalo igcina isihlala ndawonye mhlawumbe ibekezelelana kunokuba iphathane njengabangane abanothando. Umshado ube usushintshashintsha ukuze bakwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kokulwa ngemisebenzi yasekhaya kanye nemisebenzi yansuku zonke. Kodwa lolu hlobo lokuxhumana lufiphele kakhulu futhi luyisidina. Ngaphandle kwalokho, awukwazi ukucela umlingani wakho ukuthi enze into elula njengokuba sephathini noma akuphelezele emcimbini womndeni, uma lokho kungeyona ingxenye yomsebenzi.

2. Ozakwethu bangase bangakwazi ukuguquguquka

In imishado ejabulisayo, imibhangqwana ithola indlela yokunqoba ukungezwani kwayo. Baphinde bathole indlela yokwabelana ngemisebenzi futhi bazizwe bejabule ngomlingani wabo. Ebudlelwaneni obunjalo, umlingani ngamunye angase azizwe engaphoqelekile kangako ukuba avumelane nezimo noma amukeleke.

Ubuhlobo obunjalo ngokuvamile buba bubi ngokwedlulele, futhi abalingani bangase bagcine sebexhaphazana.” Lokho abakulindele kungase kungabi ngokoqobo futhi bagcine sebenobugovu ngokweqile, bangase bagxile kakhulu enzuzweni yabo kunokuba bagxile kulokho okuhle ngobuhlobo, bahlale becabanga ukuthi, “Ubani onesiphetho esingcono sesivumelwano?” kusho uShazia.

3. Kungase kungabi kuhle ezinganeni

Izingane zifanelwe ukukhulela endaweni enothando nekhuliswayo. Futhi bafunda ngokubheka abazali babo. Ezokuxhumana ezingenalo uthando, lapho ungabekezeleli oshade naye, uqinisekisa ezinganeni zakho ukuthi kulungile ukuphila impilo lapho ubudlelwano bubanda futhi bomile.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, lapho izingane zikhulela emishadweni engenalo uthando, zingase zibe nezinkinga eziphathelene nezothando nothando kamuva ekuphileni. Bangase babe nemibono engamanga futhi. Bangase bangafundi ezinye izici ezibalulekile zobudlelwano, imihlatshelo, ukutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo, ukulungisa, nokwethenjwa. Ngakho-ke, esikhundleni sokubakhulisa babe abantu abadala ababheka ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo, obufudumele, nokwethembeka, ungase ubenze abantu abalingekayo ukuze benze ezinye izixhumanisi zokuthengiselana.

Uma ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana bumayelana nokwabelana ngendlela elinganayo, lo mgomo udinga ukusetshenziswa kukho kokubili izibopho nezinjabulo. Fundani nokwabelana ngezinkinga nifune izixazululo ndawonye. Lena ukuphela kwendlela yokuthola injabulo yangempela othandweni lokuthengiselana. Izibopho ezabiwe ziwuphawu lobudlelwano bokwenziwe kodwa ungambambi umlingani wakho ukuthi akuhlenge uma ehluleka kanye noma kabili.

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4. Ozakwethu bangagcina sebeqhudelana

“Uma ubheka izibonelo zobudlelwano bokuhwebelana ungathola ukuthi abantu abathandanayo bayakwazi ukuncintisana bodwa ngokuthi basuke betholani kubo, bajwayele ukukhohlwa ingqikithi yokuba sebudlelwaneni, ingqikithi yokukhuliswana nothando ngomunye nomunye.

“Nginikela kakhulu ngalobu budlelwano, ngizuzani?” uShazia uthi kuba yimbangela yendlela abaziphatha ngayo ebuhlotsheni.” Njengoba ubuhlobo bezentengiselwano bubangelwa kakhulu yinzuzo yomuntu siqu, kuhlale kunengozi yokuthi omunye angase agcine enomhawu uma ecabanga ukuthi omunye uthola isivumelwano esingcono.” Lokho akuzwakali sengathi uthando olungenamibandela, ingabe?

5. Kungase kubangele imizwa engemihle

Njengabantu, sonke siyaludinga uthando nekhaya elinothando. Ayikho imali engase ithathe indawo yokufudumala kokugona. Ukuxhumana kohwebo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, kugxile ezinhlosweni zezinto ezibonakalayo. Yebo, injabulo ihlobene, kodwa umndeni wohwebo kungenzeka udale imizwa engemihle, njengokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, nemizwa yokungafaneleki, uma imigomo yakho yezinto ezibonakalayo ingafinyelelwa. Kungase kube khona ukucasuka, izingxabano, nokungqubuzana futhi, njengoba uthando, umusa, nokuvumelana akuyona ingxenye yesivumelwano.

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Ngisho noma uthando selunyamalele emshadweni wakho futhi osekusele isivumelwano sobudlelwano, usengalwenza lusebenze ngokwentshisekelo yakho. Inhloso enkulu yanoma yimuphi umbhangqwana ukwakha impilo ejabulisayo ndawonye futhi asikho isidingo sokuyekethisa kulokho.

"Noma yini elinganiselayo izosebenza izimanga ebudlelwaneni. Ngisho nasebudlelwaneni bokuthengiselana, uma bobabili abalingani becabanga omunye nomunye futhi uma behlanganyela ukuzibophezela ekuthuthukiseni ubudlelwano babo, nakanjani kungaba ngcono," kusho uShazia. Lawa macebiso ayi-5 azokusiza nakanjani wenze ubudlelwano obunjalo busebenze:

1. Yiba nezinto ezimbalwa ozilindele

“Isibopho sokuthengiselana singasebenza uma bobabili abalingani begcina imingcele enempilo futhi benezinto ezimbalwa ezilindelwe komunye nomunye.” Kumelwe bagxile kubo futhi bacabange ukuthi bangaba kanjani abalingani abangcono futhi bathuthukise ubuhlobo babo.Ukuthi bangene ohlotsheni oluthile ‘lwenzuzo nokuzuza okunamandla’ akusho ukuthi akufanele bacabange ngezinye izinto ezingathuthukisa ubuhlobo babo,” kusho uShazia.

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokwenza ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana busebenze ukucaciseleka ngalokho okufunayo nalokho ongakufuni futhi phatha okulindelekile ngendlela engokoqobo. Ngena ubudlelwano unomgomo owodwa - ukunikeza noma yini ongayenza nangezinga ongakwazi ngalo, futhi wamukele lokho okuhloselwe wena. Noma yini enye ibhonasi.

2. Zizwe uvikelekile

Ngokwemvelo, ubudlelwano bothando bokuthengiselana bukudalela inethi yokuphepha. Uma usususa izakhi ze ukungavikeleki ebudlelwaneni bakho, umuzwa okhulayo wokulondeka ungakusiza ube yiqiniso futhi ungokoqobo. Kungaba ubudlelwano bohwebo noma obungewona obokuthengiselana, bungaphumelela kuphela uma ufunda ukupha kakhulu nokuba yiqiniso.

Phinda uvakashele izisekelo zobudlelwano bakho, yeka ukubuthatha njengendaba yesinkwa nebhotela futhi uthole kabusha imigomo nezintshisekelo ezifanayo. Ungenza ukuxhumana kokwenziwe kusebenze uma ibhondi yakho ingalawulwa kuphela imigomo yesivumelwano enihlanganise ndawonye njengombhangqwana.

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3. Yeka ukubala ukuthi ubani owenza ini

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi 'ilungiselelo' lobuhlobo benu liyini, kudingeka niqaphele izidingo zomunye nomunye nezifiso. Zama futhi ugcwalise lezi zidingo ngaphandle kokuphazamisa ezakho. Ukuze ufeze lokhu, ungagxili ekutheni ubani owenza ini nokuthi ubani othola ini. Bonke ubudlelwano bumayelana nokupha-futhi-thatha, kodwa uma seningabashadikazi, phathanani njengeyunithi.

Funda ukunikela kancane ngaphandle kokuvumela umlingani wakho ukuthi asizakale ngomusa wakho. Ungavumeli le psychology yokuhweba iphazamise ukuthola uthando lweqiniso kanye nokuxhumana nomlingani wakho. Yebo, unalo lonke ilungelo lokuvikela izintshisekelo zakho. Kodwa funda ukubheka isithombe esikhulu lapho kuziwa ekuzivikeleni. Ningavumeli izinkinga ezincane zibe phakathi kwenu nobabili.

4. Yabelana ngezibopho nezikweletu

Uma ubudlelwano obunjalo bumayelana nokwabelana ngendlela elinganayo, lesi simiso sidinga ukusetshenziswa kukho kokubili izibopho nezinjabulo. Fundani nokwabelana ngezinkinga nifune izixazululo ndawonye. Lena ukuphela kwendlela yokuthola injabulo yangempela othandweni lokuthengiselana. Izibopho ezihlanganyelwe ziwuphawu lobuhlobo obunjalo. Kodwa ungambambi umlingani wakho ukuthi ahlenge uma ehluleka kanye noma kabili. Buza imibuzo ebalulekile, njengokuthi bahlela ukubhekana kanjani nokuphelelwa umsebenzi noma ukugula okungalindelekile.

5. Qaphela izindaba zezimali

Kokubili, ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana kanye nokungekona kokuthengiselana, imali ingaba yinkinga enkulu. Ukubeka okulindelekile ngokwezezimali ebudlelwaneni kubalulekile. Phatha izindaba zemali ngokucophelela futhi ubeke phambili ukuhlela kwezezimali kusukela ekuqaleni. Ebudlelwaneni bezentengiselwano, izimali ezihlanganyelwe kuvame ukuxoxwa ngazo ngaphambili, kodwa zinamandla okubangela ukuhlukana.

Funda ukuyeka izinselele ezincane ukuze ugweme ukucindezeleka kwezezimali. Zama futhi uguqule ubudlelwano bakho bube ubudlelwano beqiniso esikhundleni sokubunciphisa ngokwengqondo ukuthi umlingani wakho ukutshale imali engakanani isikhathi ngasinye futhi uhlole ukuthi uthola yini isivumelwano esifanelekile.

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Kungani Akufanele Ulungisele Ubudlelwano Bezentengiselwano

Ukuhlala nomuntu onobuntu bokuthengiselana kungaba nzima. Konke ubudlelwano bungaphenduka ubuthi ngenxa yesimo sengqondo sokugcina amaphuzu kanye nesimo se-tit-for-tat. Okulindelweyo kungakucindezela maduze. Uma ufuna ukuba nobudlelwano obujwayelekile nophathina wakho noma uma unemizwa yangempela ngaye, yisikhathi sokukhuluma naye mayelana nokuphinde ubuyekeze imigomo yesivumelwano sakho noma ukuqeda ibhithi yokuthengiselana. Nazi ezinye izinto ongazenza ukuze ube ngcono isimo sakho ngemva kokuvuma ukuqeda ingxenye yohwebo yobudlelwano:

• Qeda okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni
• Ungabubuki lobu budlelwano njengomncintiswano lapho kufanele kube khona onqobile omunye ahlulwe
• Phatha lobu budlelwano ngokunakekela, ngenhlonipho nangothando
• Gxila kumanani okwabelwana ngawo
• Yenzani imisebenzi yasekhaya ndawonye, ​​nichithe isikhathi ndawonye, ​​futhi niqhubeke nezinsuku zothando
• Yiba sengozini futhi wehlise izindonga zakho
• Yiba oqondayo futhi onozwela

Ubudlelwano empeleni bumayelana nokuxhumana okungokomoya nokomzwelo. Ungakuvumeli okulindelweyo, ukuntula ukusondelana, noma izinkinga zokuxhumana zikuphazamise. Uma ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana buyibo obukulethela injabulo, qhubeka. Kodwa uma ubambene nozakwenu onobuntu bokuhweba kuyilapho uluhlobo lomuntu olufisa ukusondelana, uthando, nokuba sengozini, kungcono ukukhuluma naye. Ungangeni emicabangweni yefilosofi, uzibuze, "Ingabe uthando luyathengiselana?" Batshele ukuthi ufuna ubudlelwano obungeyona into ebambekayo.

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