Uke waba sebudlelwaneni obuzinzile nobuzinikele futhi ucabanga ukuthatha isinyathelo esilandelayo nomlingani wakho? Bekufanele ngabe ubudlala ngomqondo wokuhlala ndawonye, okubizwa nangokuthi ukuhlala ndawonye, noma ngabe awukaxoxi ngokuhlala nomlingani wakho. Njengoba abantu abadala abaningi e-US behlehlisa noma bedela umshado, ngokusho kocwaningo lwe-Pew Research , ukuhlala ndawonye sekushesha ukuba yindinganiso yegolide yobudlelwano obuzinzile nobesikhathi eside.
Ngisho noma ufuna ukubopha ifindo esikhathini esithile phansi komugqa, ukuhlala ndawonye kuqala kuthathwa njengengxenye ye-organic yokukhula nokuqhubekela phambili ebuhlotsheni. Kodwa-ke, ngenxa yokuthi ukuhlalisana kusebenzela iningi lezithandani, akusho ukuthi kuzoba njalo nakuwe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungaba isinqumo esihle kakhulu sobudlelwano bakho nomlingani wakho.
Kunoma ikuphi, kuyasiza ukuqonda ukuthi ukuhlalisana kuhilelani, izinzuzo zakho ezingaba khona kanye nezithiyo kanye nemiphumela ebuhlotsheni bakho ngaphambi kokuthatha igxathu. Ake sijule ekusebenzeni kwangaphakathi kokukipita ukuze sikusize wenze isinqumo esinolwazi mayelana nokuthi ukuhlala ndawonye ngaphambi komshado kuwumbono omubi noma omuhle yini.
Ithini Incazelo Yokuhlalisana?
Okuqukethwe
Ukuhlalisana ngokuvamile kusho ukuthi abantu ababili abahlala ngaphansi kophahla olulodwa ngaphandle kokushada ngokusemthethweni. Nakuba imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ingase ingabi naso isitembu esingokomthetho sokugunyazwa, ingaba namalungelo ahlangene endawo, i-akhawunti yasebhange ehlanganyelwe noma umthwalo ongokomthetho wezingane okungenzeka ukuthi yayinabo ngenkathi behlala ndawonye.
Imvamisa, ukuhlalisana kubhekwa njengenye indlela yomshado lapho nihlala ndawonye njengabalingani bokuphila kodwa ngaphandle kwezimpahla zomshado noma izimiso ezisemthethweni zomshado. Emibhangqwaneni eminingi yesimanje, le nkululeko ekujezisweni komphakathi kanye nekahulumeni ebudlelwaneni babo ingenye yezinzuzo ezinkulu zokuhlalisana phezu komshado.
Kwabanye, ukuhlalisana kubhekwa njengobuhlobo obungaba yisandulela somshado. Lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi ukukipita ngaphambi komshado. Kodwa akuzona zonke izithandani ezihlala ndawonye kulezi zinsuku ezibheka umshado njengesiphetho sobudlelwano babo.
Ezikhathini zamanje, ukuguquguquka kokuhlalisana kuya ngokuya kuguquguquka futhi kuyashintshashintsha. Isibonelo, abantu ababili abahlala ndawonye ebuhlotsheni babangani abanezinzuzo abahlala ndawonye ukuze babelane ngemali yokuqasha nabo bangabhekwa njengokuhlalisana. Umbhangqwana ohlala ndawonye ungase ube sebudlelwaneni obuvulekile. Ngenkathi bezama nabanye abalingani, ukuhlala ndawonye kuyabasebenzela ngoba bangaba nobudlelwano obuzinzile nobuyinhloko.
Izinzuzo zesikhathi eside zokuhlalisana zibonakale ngokugqama kakhulu endabeni yobudlelwano be-LGBTQ kusukela kuze kube muva nje, izifundazwe eziningi e-US bezingakayigunyazi imishado yabantu bobulili obufanayo futhi amazwe amaningi emhlabeni wonke ayikakwenzi kube semthethweni.
Yisiphi isibonelo sokukipita?
Ake siqale ngesibonelo sombhangqwana odume kakhulu eHollywood. Abalingisi uGoldie Hawn noKurt Russell baqala impilo yokuhlalisana kudala ngo-1983. Kusukela lapho kube nokuqagela okungapheli mayelana nomshado ongase ube khona kodwa umbhangqwana wakhetha ukungashadi ngokusemthethweni.
Sekuyiminyaka engama-37 behlala ndawonye futhi bangabazali besihlabani saseHollywood uKate Hudson. UKate uyindodakazi yowayengumyeni kaGoldie uBill Hudson. Kodwa kuKate, uGoldie noKurt bangabazali ahlala ebabheka. Abalingisi nabo bangabazali baka-Oliver Hudson noWyatt Russell.
Ngakho-ke, uma ukhathazekile ngokuthi ukuhlala ndawonye ngaphambi komshado kungumqondo omubi ngekusasa lobuhlobo bakho, yazi ukuthi ungakha isibopho esihlala njalo ngisho noma ungenaso isitembu somshado. Njengoba cishe u- 50% wemishado e-US iphela ngesehlukaniso noma ngokuhlukana, 'kuze kube yilapho ukufa kusihlukanisa' akuqinisekisiwe.
Njengoba u-Goldie Hawn ephinda ezingxoxweni eziningi, "Udinga ukuxhumana nokufanelana ukuze nibe ndawonye. Ukuthi nihlala ndawonye noma nishada ngeke kusebenze ngaphandle kokuthi usukulungele ukunikela okusemandleni akho ebudlelwaneni."
Kumelwe sisho ukuthi akubona bonke abashadile abahlala isikhathi eside kangaka. Iningi likhetha ukubopha ifindo likasofasilahlane uma libheka izici zesikhathi eside zobudlelwano. Kodwa akuyona yonke imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ekulungele umshado.
Ingabe umphakathi uyakwamukela ukuhlalisana? Ucwaningo lwePew Research olwenziwa ngo-2019 luphinde luveze ukuthi u-69% wabantu baseMelika unomuzwa wokuthi kulungile ukuhlalisana noma bengahlelile ukushada. Amaphesenti angu-16 athi ukukipita kwamukelekile kuphela uma imibhangqwana ifuna ukukwenza isandulela somshado futhi u-14% kuphela owathi ukukipita akukaze kwamukeleke.
Eqinisweni, izibalo zokuhlalisana vs zomshado zibonisa nokuthi ama-53% abantu baseMelika sebeshadile manje esehle kusukela ku-58% ngo-1995. Njengamanje, u-66% wabantu abadala abashadile e-US bake bahlala ngaphambi kokuba bashade.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Umshado VS Ubudlelwano Bokuphila Nabo: Konke Obefuna Ukukwazi
Ukuhlalisana Vs Umshado
Lapho kuxoxwa ngezinto ezingezinhle zokukipita, kuvame ukuphikiswana ngokuthi ukuhlala ndawonye kuza nazo zonke izingcindezi nemisebenzi yomshado, kukhishwe amalungelo angokomthetho.
Ukuhlala ndawonye kungase kungabi ngokomthetho njengomshado kodwa uma nihlala ndawonye njengomshado umthetho awukwazi ukugxambukela empilweni nasezinqumweni zenu. Kodwa futhi awunaso isitembu esingokomthetho somshado esinikeza abalingani amalungelo athile ngokuzenzakalelayo.
Lapho abantu ababili beshadile, ubunikazi bempahla, ukugcinwa kwezingane, umthwalo wezikweletu namalungelo amafa avikelwa yimithetho engokomthetho. Kodwa lokho akwenzeki endabeni yokuhlalisana kwabashadile. Kungenxa yale miphumela engokomthetho yokukipita lapho iningi lezithandani linquma ukwenza ubudlelwano babo bube semthethweni ngokushada ngisho noma uhlelo lokuhlalisana belusebenza kahle kubo.
Noma kunjalo, abantu abaningi e-US bakhetha ukuhlala ndawonye. Izibalo zokuhlala ndawonye zibonisa ukuthi phakathi kuka-1970 no-1990 inani lemibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye e-US lenyuke lisuka ku-523,000 laya ezigidini ezintathu. Empeleni izinombolo ziphindwe kane eminyakeni engama-20. Manje, lelo nani limi ezigidini eziyi-17.
Izizathu zokukipita ziningi. Okokuqala, imibhangqwana ifuna ukuthola ukufanelana kwayo ngaphambi kokuba ifune ukuzibophezela emshadweni. Futhi, ukuhlalisana kunezizathu zezezimali. Umshado uyindaba ebizayo, abantu abaningi basakhokha imali ebolekiwe yabafundi lapho beqala ukuhlalisana nokuhlala ndawonye kuyindlela enhle yokwabelana ngerenti kanye nezindleko zansuku zonke.
Esinye isici esikhulu esivame ukunganakwa engxoxweni yokuhlalisana nomshado yintela yesijeziso somshado ekhokhwa e-US. Imibhangqwana ethola imali engenayo ephezulu kufanele ikhokhe intela eyengeziwe uma ishada kodwa imibhangqwana enemali engenayo ephansi noma imindeni ehola imali eyodwa inikezwa ibhonasi yomshado. Futhi, lapho umbhangqwana oshadile uthenga indlu kufanele ukhokhe inzalo yendlu yendlu ephezulu kakhulu.
Ngakho-ke izibalo zezezimali zisebenza kangcono ngokuhlala ndawonye kunomshado. Lokhu ngokungangabazeki kuphakathi kwezinzuzo zesikhathi eside zokukipita. Nakuba umbhangqwana oshadile unamalungelo engeziwe angokomthetho.
Yiziphi Izinzuzo Zokuhlalisana?
Namuhla, njengoba abantu abasha abaningi bekhetha ukukipita, bayaqaphela futhi ngezinselele ezingaba khona kanye nezivimbamgwaqo abangase babhekane nazo endleleni futhi bathathe izinyathelo zokulungisa izinkinga ezikhungethe izizukulwane zangaphambili.
Kunokuba bavele bangene ngesikhiya sikazakwethu, isitokwe kanye nomgqomo ngokuphazima kweso, bakhetha isivumelwano sokuhlalisana esizobavumela ukuthi bangakhathazeki ngokutshalwa kwezimali okuhlanganyelwe kwezakhiwo noma ukutholwa kwengane uma kwenzeka behlela ukuhamba ngezindlela zabo ezihlukene.
Izibalo zocwaningo lwePew ziphinde zakhombisa ukuthi ama-65% abantu baseMelika bafuna imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ibe namalungelo asemthethweni njengemibhangqwana eshadile. Kodwa kuze kube lokho kwenzeka, isivumelwano sokuhlala ndawonye sivumela izinzuzo ezithile kumbhangqwana ohlalisana.
Uma kwenziwa ngendlela, ezinye zezinzuzo zesikhathi eside zokuhlalisana zihlanganisa:
1. Amalungelo endawo
Ivumela ubunikazi obungu-50:50 kumbhangqwana lapho betshala imali ndawonye esakhiweni. Amalungelo acace kakhulu futhi ayikho indawo engaqondakali. Ngakho-ke, uma umbhangqwana unquma ukuhlukana azikho izinkinga ezingokomthetho ngamalungelo endawo ngoba konke kubhaliwe esivumelwaneni sokuhlalisana.
2. Isivumelwano sezezimali
Uma ilungiselelo lokwabelana ngezindleko licacisiwe ngokucacile, lichaza ukuthi bobabili abalingani bazofaka malini emalini yendlu kanye ne-EMI, umshwalense njalonjalo, akukho ukuxabana okuqhubekayo mayelana nezezimali. Lokhu kuyinzuzo enkulu ngoba imibhangqwana eshadile ayinasivumelwano esinjengalesi okufanele incike kuso lapho ibhekene nezinkinga zezimali.
3. Ukugcinwa nokugcinwa
Esimeni sokwehlukana, asikho isidingo sokulwa impi embi yokugcina izingane. Bobabili abalingani banganquma kusenesikhathi ngokugcinwa nokugcinwa kwezingane uma kwenzeka bekhetha ukuzihlukanisa. Isivumelwano somzali oyedwa sesivele sikhona ngakho ukuhlukana kuhamba kahle.
4. Yehlisa ukucindezeleka
Njengoba bobabili abalingani behlala ndawonye ngaphandle kwenkululeko yabo yokuzikhethela hhayi ngoba beboshelwe ndawonye umshado, ubuhlobo bunganciphisa ukucindezeleka. Enye yezinzuzo zokuhlalisana emshadweni ukuthi ungakwazi ukuphuma ngaphandle kokuhilizisana empini yesahlukaniso ethatha isikhathi eside, engokomzwelo nangokwezimali uma ubudlelwano bungaphumeleli.
5. Ukusondelana okukhulu
Ukuthi nihlala ndawonye ukuze nihlole ukuhambisana kwenu njengabalingani bempilo noma nikhethe indlela yokuphila yokukipita ukuze nihlanganyele izimpilo zenu nodwa, kungaletha ukusondelana okukhulu ebudlelwaneni. Ukuhlala nomuntu kukuvumela ukuba umqonde ngezindlela ukuthi ukuba sebudlelwaneni ngeke nje. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukukipita kusho ukuthi ningahlalisana ngaphandle kwengxabano ehambisana nomshado. Ngamafuphi, kungaba yileya ndawo emnandi phakathi kokuba sebudlelwaneni nokushada enisondeza futhi iqinise ubuhlobo benu.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Uhlu Lokuhlola Lokuhamba Ndawonye – Yazi Ukulungela Kwakho
Yibuphi Ububi Bokuhlalisana?
Nakuba ukuhlalisana kunezinzuzo eziningi ngoba nazana kangcono, kuphinde kube nokubi. Ezinye zezinto ezingezinhle zokuhlalisana zihlanganisa:
1. Ukwazi kakhulu
Kwesinye isikhathi ukwazana kakhulu kungaba yingozi. Imibhangqwana eminingi isheshe igule ngokuba khona komunye nomunye futhi lokho okwaqala njengesandulela somshado kungase kuphele ngokushesha. Njengoba bengaboshiwe ngokomthetho njengasemshadweni, indaba encane ingase ibangele ukuba umbhangqwana uhlukane.
2. Ukungavikeleki ebudlelwaneni
Omunye wemiphumela engathandeki yokuhlalisana ukuthi ukunqoba ukungazethembi ebudlelwaneni kungaba nzima. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma omunye umlingani ebheka ukuhlala ndawonye njengetshe lokuya emshadweni kanti omunye ekubona njengomgomo wokugcina. Lokhu kuvame ukudala izinkinga ebudlelwaneni.
3. Amathemba ayakhula
Ngisho noma umbhangqwana uqala ukuhlala ndawonye isikhashana, isibopho esingokomzwelo sizokhula. Omunye umlingani angalindela ukuthi ubudlelwano bube obuhlala njalo futhi aze alindele ukushada ngesikhathi esithile kanti omunye angase angakulungeli. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kuvela imifantu ebudlelwaneni futhi kungase kudingeke udlule kokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kokuhlukana nomlingani ohlala naye.
4. Izinkinga zokuthembela
Imibhangqwana eshadile ijwayele ukwethembana kakhudlwana futhi izizwe ilondeke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bayo kunozakwabo abahlala ndawonye. Umuzwa wokuthi kungase kuphele noma nini ungase ube mkhulu, uholele ezinkingeni zokwethembana phakathi kozakwethu. Uma kungekho ukuxhumana okucacile nokunempilo kanye nokungafihli lutho, imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ingase izithole isebenza kanzima ngokuphindwe kabili ukwakha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni.
5. Ukuphepha kwezingane
Ukungazethembi okufanayo imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ebhekana nakho kungase kuthinte nezingane zabo. Ukwesaba ukuthi abazali babo bangase bahlukane nganoma yisiphi isikhathi kungaba umuzwa ongathandeki ongakhula nawo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, uma ubunkimbinkimbi bokugcinwa nokukhulisa izingane uma nihlukana bungasheshiswanga kusengaphambili, impi yezomthetho elandelayo ingaba nzima kubo bobabili abazali nezingane.
Kungani Izithandani Eziningi Zihlala ngokuhlanganyela?
Njengoba izibalo zokuhlalisana zibonisile, imibhangqwana eminingi ikhetha ukuhlala ndawonye esikhundleni sokubopha ifindo. Nakuba eminye imibhangqwana ingase ishade ekugcineni, umbuzo wokuqala awuvamile ukuba, “Uzongishada?” Ngokuvamile, uthi, “Uzongithutha ? ”
Kungani abantu abaningi bekhetha ukuhlalisana? Nansi eminye imiphumela yokukipita eqhuba lo mkhuba:
1. Ukungakholelwa ekusungulweni komshado
Lokhu kushintsha kusuka emshadweni kuya ekuhlalisane kwenzeke ngoba iningi labantu abaneminyaka eyinkulungwane abakhetha ukuhlala khona njengamanje bakhulele emphakathini lapho bebone khona imishado ihlukana kaningi. Izibalo zesehlukaniso e-US zibonisa ukuthi nakuba abantu abangu-6.8 kwabayinkulungwane e-US beshada minyaka yonke, abangu-3.2 kwabayinkulungwane bahlukana. Ngakho-ke cishe ingxenye yemishado iphela ngesehlukaniso.
Intsha eningi ibone ukuhlukana kwabazali bayo futhi ayifuni ukubhekana nakho ekuphileni kwayo. Lesi ngesinye sezizathu ezinkulu ezenza isizukulwane samanje siwuxwaye umshado. Inkululeko ezinkingeni ezingokomthetho zesehlukaniso ibonakala njengenye yezinzuzo zokuhlalisana emshadweni emibhangqwaneni eminingi.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Kufanele Uhlukanise? - Thatha Lolu Hlelo Lokuhlola Isehlukaniso
2. Izizathu zezimali zokuhlalisana
Akulungile yini ukuhlala ndawonye ngaphambi komshado? Lutho neze. Izibalo zokuhlalisana zibonisa ukuthi abantu abaningi abalungile ngokuhlala ndawonye kunangaphambili. Futhi abaningi bakhetha indlela yokuphila yokukipita ukuze bathole izinzuzo ezingokoqobo ezinikezayo.
Isibonelo: imibhangqwana ekhetha ukuhlalisana ngenxa yezizathu zezimali. Emnothweni ontengantengayo - ngenxa yokuwohloka komnotho, ukwehla kwamandla emali, futhi manje ubhubhane lomhlaba wonke oseludonse unyaka nesigamu - abantu bahlala bekhungethwe ukulahlekelwa yimisebenzi, amazinga emali ephansi kanye nengcindezi yomsebenzi. Lezi zici ziphazamisa indlela yokugxumela emshadweni nokuqala umndeni.
Ukwenyuka kwentela yezindlu, amanani ezindlu kanye nokwehla kwemakethe yemisebenzi kuphonsa abantu abaningi enkingeni yekota yokuphila kunanini ngaphambili. Iningi labantu abaneminyaka eyinkulungwane abazizwa bezinzile ngokwezimali ukuze bashade. Njengoba kushiwo ngaphambili, intela ekhokhiswa imibhangqwana eshadile ngokungafani nabantu abangashadile ayenzi umshado ube muhle.
Ukuhlala ndawonye kungaba enye indlela ejabulisayo esimweni esinjalo, njengoba kukuvumela ukuthi wabelane ngempilo yakho nomuntu omthandayo ngaphandle kokwengeza ekucindezelekeni kwezezimali osekuvele kuthusa empilweni yakho.
3. Kwamukelekile emphakathini
Akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi kunemiphumela embalwa engokomthetho yokuhlalisana namuhla kodwa futhi sekwamukeleke kakhulu emphakathini hhayi e-US kuphela kodwa nasemiphakathini elondoloza imikhuba efana neNdiya. Abantu abahlulelwa ngempilo yabo yokuhlalisana futhi kuvame ukubonwa njengento enhle nayisizukulwane esidala.
Imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ivame ukwakha izibopho eziqinile nemindeni yabalingani bayo futhi, okwenza umshado ubonakale uncipha. Abadingi imvume yomphakathi yomshado ukuze baphile ukuphila okwanelisayo. Ngakho ukuhlalisana kubasebenzela kahle kakhulu.
4. Kulula ukuhlala ndawonye
Okudingayo yindlu noma ifulethi ukuze nihlale ndawonye. Iningi labantu alidluli ngisho emicikilishweni yesivumelwano sokuhlalisana. Bajabule nje ukwabelana ngophahla olulodwa.
Kancane kancane, bathola indlela ebuhlotsheni babo futhi banqume ukuthi bafuna ukuthweswa iziqu baze bashade noma bajabule ngendlela izinto ezimi ngayo. Kunoma ikuphi, ukuhlala ndawonye kuyisinyathelo esikhulu sokuqala esithathwa imibhangqwana eminingi ebudlelwaneni uma bobabili abalingani sebezibophezele komunye nomunye.
5. Ukukipita kusho ukuthi nizimisele ngomunye nomunye
Akubona bonke ubudlelwano obuphela ngokukipita. Ungajola nedlanzana labantu kodwa nihlele ukuhlala ndawonye nomuntu otshale imali kuye ngokomzwelo futhi nibe nobudlelwano obuseduze naye. Ngezindlela eziningi, ukuhlalisana kuwuphawu lokuthi ubona umlingani wakho 'njengoyena'.
Uzimisele ngabo futhi ubona ikusasa nabo. Ngemva kwakho konke, ungakwazi ukwabelana ngendlu yakho yokugezela kanye nombhede wakho kuphela nomuntu owabelana naye ngezinga elithile lokunethezeka nokumjwayele.
Ngaphandle kokwabelana ngerenti noma ukuhlola ubudlelwano, uma abantu ababili abasebudlelwaneni bomuntu oyedwa behlala ndawonye, kusho ukuthi bazimisele ngekusasa labo. Ukuhlalisana kusho ukuthi ubuhlobo sebumiselwe izinga elilandelayo.
Manje njengoba usunokuqonda okuningiliziwe kokuthi kuyini ukuhlalisana nokuthi kwenziwa kanjani umsebenzi, ungathola impendulo ecacile yokuthi ingabe ikufanele yini noma cha. Kala okuhle nokubi kokuhlalisana ngaphambi kokuthi ungene. Okubaluleke nakakhulu, hlala phansi nophathina wakho ukuze nicacise imininingwane ecokeme yelungiselelo lenu lokuhlala ngaphambi kokuba nihlale ndawonye ukuze nigweme noma yiziphi izimanga ezingemnandi emgqeni.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ucwaningo lwePew Research Centre olwenziwa ngo-2019 lubonisa ukuthi ama-53% abantu baseMelika ashadile manje, okuyinto eyehle kusukela kuma-58% ngo-1995. Njengamanje, ama-66% abantu abadala abashadile e-US babehlala ndawonye ngaphambi kokuba bashade. Ngakho-ke, yebo, ukuhlala ndawonye kuvamile kakhulu.
Imibhangqwana iyahlalisana ngoba ifuna ukwazana kangcono. Ngezinye izikhathi baphuma emindenini ehlukanisiwe futhi abakholelwa emshadweni. Futhi, ukuhlala ndawonye kuba yisinqumo esihlakaniphile ngokwezimali emibhangqwaneni eminingi, njengoba kungadingeki ikhokhe izintela nezikweletu zezindlu eziphakeme okumelwe zikhokhelwe abantu abashadile, abahola kahle.
Ukuhlalisana akukho emthethweni ezifundazweni ezifana ne-Mississippi, Michigan, Florida naseVirginia e-US.
Umshado kuphela ongaholela isehlukaniso. Ungaba nesivumelwano sokuhlalisana esicacisa imininingwane efana nokuhlukaniswa kwezimpahla namalungelo okugcinwa kwezingane. Lapho umbhangqwana ohlala ndawonye uhlukanisa izindlela kufanele nje uhloniphe isivumelwano.
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
