I-Polyamorous Vs Isithembu - Incazelo, Umehluko, Namathiphu

Umhlaba usuguquke kakhulu eminyakeni yamuva, futhi ngawo, incazelo yobudlelwano iya ngokuya iba uketshezi. Ayisekho indlela eyodwa eyamukelekile yokuthandana, ukwakha umndeni noma impilo nomuntu othandana naye. Lokhu kuguquguquka kwesimo sekuholele nasekungacacisi kahle mayelana nesakhiwo nokusebenza kwezinhlobo ezithile zobudlelwano, ikakhulukazi kulabo ababuka ngaphandle noma abangafuna ukubuhlola kodwa bengazi ukuthi kanjani. Namuhla, sikhuluma ngendawo eyodwa enjalo empunga: i-polyamorous vs isithembu.

La magama amabili ayengeyona ingxenye yezakhiwo zobudlelwano ezivamile kuze kube muva nje. Abantu abaningi babengenalo ulwazi lokuthi bangabalingani abangaphezu koyedwa. Futhi labo ababenalo babengenalo ulwazi ngakho. Kodwa manje njengoba imiqondo yabantu mayelana nalolu budlelwano ishintsha, kuyasiza ukuqaphela ukuthi lusebenza kanjani. Ukuze sithole okwengeziwe mayelana nobudlelwano obunjalo be-poly, sixhumane noDkt. Ashish Paul , ogxile kwi-Natural Fertility, Sacred Sexuality, kanye ne-Holistic Medicine.

Uthi, “Njengoba abantu abaningi bejwayele ukubona ubuhlobo bomuntu oyedwa kuphela, kunengqondo futhi akumangazi ukuthi abantu basadidekile phakathi kwala magama amabili. Lokhu kudideka kubangelwa ukufana okukhulu, ukusetshenziswa kwegama lesiGreki elithi poly, okuyigama lesiGreki elisho “abaningi”. 

I-Polyamorous Vs Isithembu - Zisho Ukuthini?

Nakuba kungase kube nokuhluka okuningi kwe-polyamorous vs isithembu, banento eyodwa abafana ngayo - babekela inselele umbono wokuthi ubudlelwano bothando kufanele bubukeke ngendlela ethile ukuze bube nenjongo futhi buphumelele. Sinalokho engqondweni, ake sibhekisise ama-nuances alezi zinhlobo ezimbili zobudlelwano, siqale ngesithembu. 

Isithembu singenye yezinhlobo zobudlelwano obungenabo abantu ababili lapho umshado uhilela okungenani abantu abathathu. Akukho mkhawulo enanini labalingani ongaba nabo ebudlelwaneni besithembu uma nje kukhona imvume yabo bonke abathintekayo. UDkt. Paul uthi, “Isithembu sisho ukushada nabantu abangaphezu koyedwa.” Isithembu singezinhlobo ezilandelayo:

• Ubudlelwano be-Polygyny, lapho indoda inomfazi ongaphezu koyedwa
• Ubudlelwano be-Polyandry, lapho owesifazane enendoda engaphezu kweyodwa 
• Umshado weqembu ungolunye uhlobo lwesithembu lapho iqembu labantu bobulili obuhlukene nobulili obuhlukene behlala ndawonye futhi behlala ekhaya

Ngokusho kwePew Research Center , isithembu sisemthethweni emazweni ambalwa kuphela okuhlanganisa neMpumalanga Ephakathi kanye nezingxenye ezimbalwa zase-Asia. Kodwa-ke, asisetshenziswa kabanzi yize sisemthethweni. Bangu-2% kuphela abantu bomhlaba abathatha isithembu. IKomidi Lamalungelo Abantu LeZizwe Ezihlangene lize lagxeka isithembu futhi lathi siphula isithunzi sabesifazane.

Eqhubekela kulokho okubizwa ngokuthi i-polyamory, uDkt. Paul uyachaza, “Incazelo ye-Polyamorous ingaqondwa ngokubheka umsuka walencwadi. 

Lolu olunye uhlobo lobudlelwano obungeyona indoda eyodwa lapho umuntu akha ukuxhumana kwezothando nabalingani abaningi ngolwazi nokugunyazwa kwawo wonke umuntu ohilelekile. Akukona ukukopela uma kwenziwa ngemvume yesithandwa sakho. Ngisho noma umbhangqwana unquma ngokuhlanganyela ukuvumela abanye abantu ukuthi bangene ebudlelwaneni, kuba ubuhlobo be-polyamory. 

Kunezinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano be-polyamory :

• Bona: Ifana nohlamvu “V” lapho umlingani oyedwa enabalingani ababili kodwa labo ababili bengabandakanyeki komunye nomunye kodwa banikeze imvume yabo nemvume kulobu budlelwano. 
• Okuthathu: I-triad yilapho abantu abathathu behileleke ebudlelwaneni. Kungaba umbhangqwana oyedwa othandana nobulili obuhlukile nomunye wesilisa noma owesifazane endaweni yesigameko noma abantu abathathu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo abasebudlelwaneni bocansi noma bothando. Bobathathu lapha bayabandakanyeka komunye nomunye 
• I-Quad: Uma umbhangqwana uhileleka nomunye umbhangqwana, kungenye yezinhlobo ze-polyamory. Bobane lapha bazibandakanya ngokocansi 
• I-Hierarchical polyamory: Kulapho ubudlelwano obubodwa bugxile kakhulu. Umbhangqwana uzohlala ndawonye, ​​ubelane ngezindleko, futhi uze uthandene. Ukugxila kwabo ubuhlobo babo kodwa bangakwazi futhi ukubona abanye abantu ngaphandle kokukuvumela ukuthi kuthinte ubuhlobo babo obuyinhloko. Kufana ncamashi nokuba nobudlelwano obuvulekile 
• I-polyamory engeyona ye-hierarchical: Kulapho ozakwethu bengabeki kuqala noma yibuphi ubudlelwano. Konke abakukhathalelayo yizidingo zabo. Wonke umuntu kufanele azibophezele ngokulinganayo ebudlelwaneni futhi wonke umuntu unezwi elilinganayo lokuthi ubudlelwano buzosebenza kanjani 
• I-polyamory yetafula lasekhishini: Lolu hlobo lobudlelwano akulona olocansi noma olothando. Kufana ubudlelwano be-platonic lapho imibhangqwana ivele nje ihlale nezinye izithandani noma abantu abangashadile abathanda futhi ujabulele ukuchitha isikhathi nabo 
• I-Polyamory ehambisanayo: I-Parallel polyamory yilapho umlingani oyedwa azi ngendaba yomlingani wakhe. Abanankinga ngakho kodwa abathandi ukusebenzelana nozakwethu obalulekile wabanye abantu abathandanayo noma ukugcina ubuhlobo nabo. Abakukhathalelayo nje ubudlelwano babo nesithandwa sabo 
• I-solo-polyamory: Ubudlelwano obungaxhunywanga buyinto ebaluleke kakhulu lapha. Umuntu akabandakanyeki kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo obujulile. Bangase babe nobudlelwano obuningi obuvamile ngaphandle kwenhloso yokuthatha izinto ezibalulekile 
• Ubudlelwano be-Mono-poly: Lapha omunye umlingani uba nomfazi oyedwa, kuyilapho omunye umlingani ekhululekile ukuba nobuhlobo be-polyamorous nabantu abaningi ngendlela afuna ngayo.

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Umehluko Oyinhloko Ebudlelwaneni Be-Polyamorous Vs Isithembu 

UDkt. Paul uthi, “Kokubili i-polyamorous kanye nesithembu amagama angakhethi ubulili, okusho ukuthi la magama angasetshenziswa kubhekiselwa kwabesilisa nabesifazane abanabalingani abaningi. Okukleliswe ngezansi eminye yomehluko obalulekile ebudlelwaneni be-polyamorous vs isithembu:

Unganquma Kanjani Uma Ubudlelwano Be-Poly Bukulungele

Uma ubulokhu unomuzwa wokuthi umqondo wokuthi “umlingani oyedwa wokuphila konke” awulona iqiniso noma uyakucindezela, ubudlelwano be-poly bungase buzwakale njengomoya omusha uma kuqhathaniswa. Nakuba kungase kuzwakale njengokumnandi nemidlalo, ukugcina nokuhamba ubudlelwane bothando obuningi ngesikhathi esisodwa kungaba nzima kakhulu kunalokho okubonakala. Futhi uma ufuna ukukwenza kahle, ukuba nabalingani abaningi nokugcina ubudlelwano be-poly kungaba umthwalo omkhulu. Ngaphambi kokuthi ucabange nge-poly-verse, kubalulekile ukuhlola ukuthi kuzokufanele yini. Nazi izimpawu ezimbalwa zokuthi ungabhekana kahle nobudlelwano be-poly:

1. Ukhululekile 

UDkt. Paul uthi, "Ebudlelwaneni be-poly, uzozibandakanya nabantu abangaphezu koyedwa. Yingakho kubalulekile ukuthi uthole izinga lakho lokunethezeka komunye nomunye wabo. Udinga ukukhululeka nabo bonke abathintekayo ukuze ube nobudlelwane obuhle be-poly." Uma ungakhululekile ngisho noyedwa wabo, uzodinga ukukhuluma naye ngakho futhi ucabange kabusha ngokuba sebudlelwaneni be-poly nabo. 

2. Uyabathemba bonke 

UDkt. Paul uthi, "Uma unezinkinga ezinkulu zokwethembana noma ukungazethembi, awusoze wajabula ebudlelwaneni obunjalo. Kudingeka ube nokuzethemba okuphezulu ukuze wakhe ubudlelwano be-poly obuphumelelayo. Ngaphandle kwakho, uzogcina unesikhwele ngomunye noma omunye umuntu ongaphakathi kombuthano." Umona ubangelwa ukungazethembi. Uma unokungazethembi, udinga ukukulungisa ngaphambi kokunikeza ubudlelwano be-poly ithuba. Uma kungenjalo, uzogcina usunezinkinga eziningi zokuzethemba kunangaphambili.

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3. Uzinzile ngokwezimali 

Ingxenye eyodwa ebalulekile okudingeka uyicabangele uma ubhekene nokukhetha kwe-polyamorous vs isithembu yimali. Udinga imali eningi ukuze usekele i-polyandry noma i-polygyny. Uma uyindoda okufanele yondle wonke amakhosikazi, okuyinto evamile eMpumalanga Ephakathi, khona-ke udinga ukuceba noma okungenani uzinze ngokwezimali.

Ngokufanayo, uma usebudlelwaneni obuthanda abantu abaningi, udinga ukuthola ukuthi izimali zizosebenza kanjani, ikakhulukazi uma nonke nihlala ndawonye noma ninezindleko ezifanayo. Kudingeka nixoxisane ngokuhlela ezezimali futhi nivumelane ngokuthi imali izohamba kanjani ukuze kuvinjelwe izinkinga zemali ukuthi zonakalise i-equation yenu nabalingani benu.

4. Ungakwazi ukuxazulula izingxabano kalula 

Uma unekhono ekuxazululeni izingxabano, ungakwazi ukuzulazula ebudlelwaneni be-poly kalula ngoba abantu abaningi kwizibalo zothando kusho ukubhekana nezinkinga ezahlukene. Kuzoba nezingxabano, ukungaboni ngaso linye kanye nezingxabano njalo nje. Udinga ukuphatha izimo ezinjalo ngendlela enempilo ngangokunokwenzeka ukuze ugcine ukuthula. Uma lokho kungezwakali njengento ohlomele ukuyiphatha, udinga ukulungisa ngaphambi kokuthi uvume ukuba sebudlelwaneni be-poly.

5. Abalingani bakho bakwenza ujabule

Iphuzu eliphelele lokuba sebudlelwaneni obunjalo ukujabula. Ngenjabulo, asisho ukuthi kuzoba yizintingo kanye nezimvemvane ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ungase ungathandi ngisho nomlingani ngamunye noma izintshisekelo zothando. Kodwa kufanele zikwenze uzizwe ujabule futhi wanelisekile. Ngokufanayo, kufanele wazi ukuthi ungabenza kanjani bajabule futhi bazizwe bethandwa . Kodwa-ke, uma abalingani bakho bengakujabulisi futhi uzizwa kabi ngemva kokuhlangana nabo, khona-ke udinga ukucabanga kabusha ngendlela yokuphila yabantu abaningi.

Amathiphu Okugcina Ubudlelwano Be-Poly

Noma iyiphi ingxoxo ngomehluko we-polyamorous vs isithembu nokufana ayiphelele ngaphandle kokuthinta imithetho ethile yokuzulazula kulobu budlelwano. Kuyiphutha ukuthi ungenza ngokuthanda kwakho kuma-poly relationships kwazise bonke omaqondana bayazana. Kunezinto ezithile namathiphu okudingeka uwakhumbule uma ufuna ubudlelwano bakho busebenze:

1. Udinga imvume yawo wonke umuntu

Imvume yokuqomisana ibaluleke kakhulu futhi ubudlelwano be-poly abukwazi ukusebenza ngaphandle kwesivumelwano sawo wonke umuntu. Kulula kanjalo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, kuwukukhohlisa okudala. Kufanele wazise wonke umuntu ohilelekile ngesimo okuso kanye nohlobo lobudlelwano ofuna bube yibo. Nikeza izincazelo ezicacile zalokho okufunayo. Nansi eminye imibuzo ongazibuza yona ngaphambi kokuthi ungene ebudlelwaneni be-poly:

• Ingabe lokhu kuzoba ucansi nje noma ufuna ukuthandana nabo futhi ubayise esidlweni sakusihlwa futhi uchithe isikhathi esihle nabo?
• Uzohlangana kangaki nabo?
• Uke wasebenza ezenzweni zakho zokungazethembi?
• Ingabe uzokwazi ukuphatha konke okulindelwe ozakwethu?

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2. Ungamnaki umlingani wakho wokuqala 

Uma usebudlelwaneni obubalulekile, kufanele uqiniseke ukuthi umlingani wakho wanelisekile futhi ujabule nganoma yini eyenzekayo. Ungabenzi bazizwe benganakiwe. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma bengabambi iqhaza ebudlelwaneni be-poly. Esimeni esinjalo, kubalulekile ukuthi uhlale usobala futhi ubazise uma uzohlangana nozakwenu. Lapho ubuyela ekhaya, ungazami ukubenza bazizwe benomona noma bengalondekile ngokuhlikihla okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho ebusweni babo. 

3. Hlala ukhumbula ukuthi uthola noma yiziphi izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi

Uma uhlanganyela ocansini nabantu abangaphezu koyedwa, kubalulekile ukwenza ucansi oluphephile. Uma umuntu oyedwa etheleleka, kunamathuba okuba bonke abalingani batheleleke. Thatha izinyathelo zokuphepha ukuze uzivikele ezifweni ezithathelwana ngocansi kanye nokukhulelwa okungafunwa.

4. Misa imithetho eyisisekelo nemingcele 

Udinga ukukhuluma futhi ubeke imingcele ngokushesha nje lapho ungena ebudlelwaneni be-poly. Uma ungafuni ukwabelana nanoma yimiphi imininingwane yomuntu siqu noma yobuchwepheshe nozakwenu/abazakwenu, batshele noma yini engekho emthethweni (ngokocansi nangokomzwelo).

5. Qhubekani nikhulumisana

Njengobudlelwano bomuntu oyedwa, ukuxhumana kubalulekile nalapha. Kuyisihluthulelo sobudlelwano obunempilo . Uma omunye wabalingani ezwa sengathi imizwa yakhe ayiqinisekiswa, lalela bese uthola ukuthi izinto zihamba kanjani kabi.

Ama-nuances wobudlelwano be-poly angaba yinkimbinkimbi kakhulu kubantu abaningi. Kodwa-ke, uma uzwa sengathi ikufanele futhi uqiniseka ekhonweni lakho lokuyizulazula, nakanjani, ngena futhi uhlole amanzi. 

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