Ungawenza Kanjani Umshado We-Polyamorous Usebenze? 6 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe

Ungakwazi yini ukuthandana nabantu abaningi ngesikhathi esisodwa? Ngamanye amazwi, ungakwazi ukusingatha umshado polyamorous? Ungikhumbuza isiqephu esivela Easy ku-Netflix. Ngemva kokuthatha ukwelashwa kwabashadile, abazali abashadile u-Andi noKyle bahlola ubudlelwano obuvulekile. Kwenzekani ngokulandelayo? Imithwalo nenqwaba yedrama!

U-Andi ugcina echithe umshado womngane wakhe oyedwa. Futhi uKyle ugcina ethandana nomunye umuntu. Lokhu, khona lapha, kungumzabalazo obuhlungu wokucubungula i-polyamory eshadile. Kodwa-ke, umshado we-polyamorous akudingeki ngaso sonke isikhathi ugcine usuyi-cesspool yezibalo eziyinkimbinkimbi namanxeba angokomzwelo. Ngokubeka imingcele nokulindelwe kahle, ungathola leyo ndawo emnandi esebenza kahle kuwo wonke umuntu ohilelekile.

Kanjani? Silapha ukuze sisize ukuthola ukucaciseleka okungcono ngencazelo ye-polyamorous nezindlela zokwenza lobu budlelwano obubonakala bunzima busebenze, ngokubonisana nochwepheshe wezengqondo owelulekayo kanye nomqeqeshi wamakhono okuphila oqinisekisiwe. Deepak Kashyap (I-Masters in Psychology of Education), osebenza ngokukhethekile ezinhlobonhlobo zezinkinga zempilo yengqondo, okuhlanganisa i-LGBTQ nokwelulekwa okuvalekile.

Buyini Ubudlelwano bePolyamorous?

Okokuqala, yini i-polyamory? Incazelo elula ye-polyamory iwumkhuba wobudlelwane bothando nozakwethu abangaphezu koyedwa, ngemvume enolwazi yabo bonke abathintekayo. Kodwa-ke, uma kuziwa ekusebenziseni lo mqondo empeleni, izinkinga eziningi zingavusa amakhanda azo. Kungakho incazelo ye-polyamory ngobuqotho beqiniso ibalulekile ngaphambi kokuthi ungene phansi. 

Deepak uyachaza, “Omunye umehluko omkhulu phakathi kwe-polyamory kanye ukukopela umlingani wakho ukuthi okokuqala kuhilela imvume enolwazi nenomdlandla. Qaphela ukuthi le mvume ayiphoqeleli ngendlela yokuthi “ngenza lokhu ngoba ungicela ukuthi ngikwenze”.

"Imvume kufanele ibe nomdlandla, into ehambisana nokuthi "Masibone nabanye abantu" - futhi okuyigama elisebenzayo lapha. I-Polyamory iyanda ngezikhathi zenkululeko/ukulingana nalapho abantu bethintana kakhulu nezifiso zabo. Njengoba sithuthuka njengomphakathi futhi abantu bephuma ekhabetheni ngokungesabi, i-polyamory iyanda." Nokho, igama elithi 'polyamory' liyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu futhi kunezingqimba eziningi kulo. Masiyihlole ngokuningiliziwe.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Uyini Umshado Ovulekile Futhi Kungani Abantu Bekhetha Ukuba Nowodwa?

Izinhlobo zobudlelwano be-polyamorous

Buyini ubudlelwane be-polyamorous? U-Deepak uveza ukuthi, "Sihamba kanjena isivumelwano sobudlelwano. Unobudlelwano obuyisisekelo - umuntu oshade naye kanye nalowo owabelana naye ngezimali. Bese kuba nabalingani besibili - awuzibophezeli kubo ngothando; bangabalingani bakho bocansi, abanothando, nabanothando."

"Ingabe uyakujabulela ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nabalingani bakho besibili? Yebo, uyakujabulela. Igama elithi 'amor' ku-polyamorous lisikisela ukuthi kune-angle yothando nokunamathelana. Ngaphandle kwalokho, bekungaba umshado ovulekile."

Le ncazelo ye-polyamorous enikezwe u-Deepak ibizwa ngokuthi i-hierarchical poly. Manje ake sihlole ezinye izinhlobo ze ubudlelwano be-polyamorous nemithetho yabo ngokuningiliziwe:

• I-Polyfidelity: Abalingani eqenjini bayavuma ukuthi bangabi nobudlelwano bocansi/bezothando nabantu abangekho eqenjini
• Uthathu: Kuhilela abantu abathathu abathandanayo bonke
• I-Quad: Kuhilela abantu abane bonke abathandanayo
• Vee: Umuntu oyedwa uthandana nabantu ababili abahlukene kodwa labo bantu ababili abathandani
• Ikhishi-Ithebula Poly: Ozakwethu kanye nozakwethu bozakwethu baxhumana ngokukhululeka futhi baxoxe ngokuqondile ngezicelo, izinkathazo, noma imizwa
• Isiphithiphithi Sobudlelwano: Abantu abaningi bakhululekile ukuxhumana nabanye ngezothando nezocansi ngaphandle kwemikhawulo yemithetho, amalebula, noma isigaba

Ungawenza Kanjani Umshado We-Polyamorous Usebenze? 6 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe

Izifundo bonisa ukuthi abantu abangu-16.8% bafisa ukuzibandakanya ku-polyamory, kanti i-10.7% baye bahlanganyela ku-polyamory esikhathini esithile phakathi nokuphila kwabo. Cishe u-6.5% wesampula ubike ukuthi bazi othile oke wa/owenza i-polyamory okwamanje. Phakathi kwabahlanganyeli ababengenaso isithakazelo somuntu siqu ku-polyamory, u-14.2% ubonise ukuthi bayabahlonipha abantu abenza i-polyamory.

Izibalo ezingenhla ziwubufakazi bokuthi imibhangqwana ye-polyamory ayiseyivelakancane. Uma ungomunye wabo kodwa uzibambele mathupha ngenxa yombuzo othi, “Ingabe umshado we-polyamorous uzinzile?”, nali inkomba yesinyathelo nesinyathelo enamathiphu asekelwe ochwepheshe ukukusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi uwenza kanjani usebenze futhi wamukele lokho oyikho ngempela:

I-1. Zifundise wena

U-Deepak uyeluleka, "Ngaphambi kokuthi ugxumele esiphethweni esijulile sezinto, zifundise. Bheka ukuthi ingabe ukushada nomuntu oyedwa kungokwakho noma cha. Ungakwazi futhi ukujoyina iqembu le-polysupport engiligijimayo." Ukwengeza kulokhu, unikeza uhlu lwezincwadi okufanele uzifunde ngaphambi kokungena emshadweni we-polyamorous:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Uyi-serial Monogamist? Kusho ukuthini, Izimpawu, Nezici

• I-Polysecure: Okunamathiselwe, Ukuhlukumezeka kanye Nemvumelwano Non Monogamy
• I-Ethical Slut: Umhlahlandlela Osebenzayo we-Polyamory, Ubudlelwano obuvulekile kanye nezinye izigigaba
• Ngaphezu Kwezimbili

Lezi zincwadi zizokusiza uqonde ubunkimbinkimbi be-polyamory, kusukela ezinkingeni zomthetho kuya ezifweni ezithathelwana ngocansi. Uma ungeyena umfundi omningi, ungakhathazeki sikutholile. Ungalalela ama-podcast alandelayo ukuze uhlole incazelo ye-'polyamorous' ngemininingwane eyengeziwe:

• Ukwenza Umsebenzi we-Polyamory
• I-Polyamory Maviki onke

Njengoba u-Deepak ebonisa, ukufuna ukwelulekwa kwabantu abaningi kufanele kube isinyathelo sakho sokuqala uma usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele futhi ungazi ukuthi uzoqala kuphi. Uchwepheshe onobungani be-poly-friendly uzokusiza ukuthi uzulazule emzabalazweni wokuba i-poly emhlabeni ongenazo i-polyamorous. Uma ufuna usizo nesiqondiso, abeluleki kuphaneli yeBonobology zihlale zikhona ngenxa yakho. 

2. Xhumana, thintana, xhumana

U-Deepak uthi, “Imishado eminingi ene-polyamorous iyafadalala ngenxa yokuthi abantu abazimisele ukuxhumana.

"Uma nifuna ukwenza ubudlelwano benu busebenze, nixhumane, nixoxisane! Ngeke nikwazi ukuxhumana ngokweqile emshadweni wabantu abaningi. Awufaki leyo ngozi. Hlanganyela yonke imininingwane encane noshade naye, okuhlanganisa umona wakho, ukungazethembi kanye nezidingo zakho."

Nawa amanye amathiphu angenza umshado wakho omningi uhambe ibanga elide:

• Mbonge umlingani wakho/batshele ngamandla abo njalo
• Baqinisekise njalo ukuthi awuyi ndawo
• Ungajahi inqubo futhi unikeze umlingani wakho isikhathi esanele sokulungisa/ukucubungula
• Yazi ukuthi i-polyamory ngeke ilungise izinkinga zobudlelwane bakho ngaphandle uma usuvele unesisekelo esiqinile sokuxhumana okunempilo ongasebenzela phezu kwaso

3. Yazi ukuthi awukwazi ukuba yikho konke kumuntu oyedwa kuphela

Ngokuka-Deepak, kunezinkinga ezimbili ezinkulu imibhangqwana ye-polyamory ebhekana nazo:

• “Ngilahlekelwa into okufanele ngibe nayo, umuntu wami wenza izinto kumuntu wesithathu hhayi mina, kukhona okungalungile ngami”
• "Angilungile. Bazothola umuntu ongcono kunami. Ngizosala ngedwa ngesikhathi umlingani wami ekhona ethola induduzo kobunye ubudlelwano”

Uyanezela, “Awukwazi ukuba yikho konke kumuntu oyedwa”. Uqinisile! Akwenzeki ngokobuntu ukuthi zonke izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo nezingokwenyama zihlangatshezwe ngumuntu oyedwa noma ukuhlangabezana nezomunye umuntu. Ngakho-ke, imfihlo yomshado/ubudlelwane obuphumelelayo be-polyamorous iwukuba hhayi ukuthi umlingani wakho alingane nabanye abalingani bakhe abachaza ukufaneleka kwakho. 

4. Zijwayeze 'ukucindezela' emshadweni wakho we-polyamorous

Ungayeka kanjani ukuzizwa unomona ku-polyamory eshadile? Guqula umona wakho ube ukucindezela, okuwuhlobo lwe uthando olungenamibandela. I-Comperation wuhlobo lwenjabulo yozwela oyizwayo lapho ubona ukuthi umlingani wakho usendaweni enhle. Ungaphandle kodwa awukabi nawo umona. Eqinisweni, uzizwa ujabule ukuthi umlingani wakho ujabule.

Ngokuvumelana ne GO Magazine, igama elithi comperion laqala ngasekupheleni kwawo-1980 phakathi komphakathi we-polyamorous wase-San Francisco obizwa nge-Kerista. Nokho, umqondo ngokwawo unomlando omdala kakhulu, ojulile. Igama lesiSanskrit lalo lithi 'mudita', okuhunyushwa ngokuthi "injabulo yozwela", okungenye yezinsika ezine eziyinhloko zobuBuddha.

Futhi kanjani ukuhlakulela ukuncintisana ku-non-monogamy evumelanayo? Nawa amanye amathiphu:

• Qala ngokuhlakulela uzwela, ikhono lokubonisana nabanye
• Uma umlingani wakho ebonisa umona, musa ukuzivikela futhi ulalele ngesineke
• Qonda ukuthi ukuba khona komunye umuntu akulona usongo kuwe

5. Ukuhlola i-polyamory akuzisongeli izidingo zengane yakho; ukungazinzi kwenza

U-Deepak uthi, “Indlela ngaphambi kwe- umqondo wobudlelwano bomuntu oyedwa kwenzeka, ingane yayivame ukuba "ingane yesizwe". Wayengazi ukuthi ngobani abazali. Kwesinye isikhathi, ingane ibingamazi unina kodwa ingamazi uyise.

Ngakho-ke, ingane ayidingi ngempela indoda eyodwa nowesifazane oyedwa ukuze imkhulise. Idinga uthando, ukunakwa nokondleka. Idinga amanani/ababheki abazinzile abakwaziyo ukuzilawula ngokomzwelo.” Uma nje wenza kanjalo, iqiniso lokuthi unabantu abangaphezu koyedwa ngeke libe usongo enhlalakahleni engokwengqondo yezingane zakho.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 12 Amasayithi Ahamba Phambili E-Polyamorous Dating Ango-2022

6. Unganaki imizamo yomphakathi yokuguqula ingqondo

U-Deepak uyachaza, "Umqondo wokubopha ngababili ungokwemvelo ngokwemvelo. Kodwa, umshado (uhlobo oluthile lokubopha ngababili) ungukwakhiwa komphakathi/ngokwesiko. Umbono owenziwe ngumuntu. Kuyinganekwane yokuthi ngenxa yokuthi wenza i-polyamory, ungumuntu othanda ukuzibophezela. Eqinisweni, ebuhlotsheni be-polyamory, izinga lokuzibophezela liphezulu kakhulu njengoba abantu bazibophezela ekuzibophezeleni okukhulu kakhulu. "

Ngakho-ke, ungathengi izindaba ezisakazwa umphakathi. Hlonipha iqiniso lakho bese ukhetha izibalo ezikhulisa ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano bakho. Uma ubudlelwano obujwayelekile noma ozakwethu abaningi bakwenza ujabule, makube njalo. Awukweleti lutho kunoma ubani, inqobo nje uma ubudlelwano bakho bothando kuyindawo ephephile ekuvumela ukuthi uzame futhi uhlole. 

Ekugcineni, u-Deepak uthi, “Ukuba nomfazi oyedwa ngokuvumelana kubonakala kungenangqondo emibhangqwaneni eminingi eshadile ngoba lapho uhileleka abantu abaningi emshadweni wenu, kuba yilapho imizwelo iba sengozini enkulu futhi ngenxa yalokho kuningi okungase kube sengozini.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Izimpawu Ongase Ube I-Unicorn Ebudlelwaneni Be-Polyamorous

I-Vanilla Relationship - Konke Odinga Ukukwazi Ngayo

Ukubhekana Nomona Ebudlelwaneni Be-Polyamorous

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

Bheka Inqubo Yethu Yokuhlela

Hlangana Nebhodi Lethu Lokubuyekeza

Yabelana Ngempendulo

Ithini impendulo yakho?

×

Eziwusizo Bika Iphutha Izincwajana zemininingwane

Hambisa