Ubudlelwano Obungebona Umfazi oyedwa: Incazelo, Izinhlobo, Izinzuzo

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Ingabe ufisa ukwazi ukuthi kusho ukuthini ubudlelwano bokungahlali nomuntu oyedwa? Noma mhlawumbe awuyena umfazi oyedwa futhi ufuna ukwazi okwengeziwe ngobudlelwano obunjalo? Noma mhlawumbe ufuna ukusekela abangani bakho abalandela lesi sitayela sobudlelwano? Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi kwalokhu okuyiqiniso kuwe, usufike endaweni ephelele. Lapha, sizobheka incazelo yobudlelwano obungeyona indoda eyodwa, izinhlobo ezihlukene, ukuthi kwenziwa kanjani, nokuthi kudlala kanjani ukuba nomfazi oyedwa vs. non-monogamy.

Buyini Ubudlelwano Obungebona Umfazi Oyedwa?

Okuqukethwe

Ubudlelwano obungeyona indoda eyodwa ngokuvamile busetshenziselwa ukukhombisa noma yibuphi ubuhlobo obungaphandle kwendawo yokuba nomfazi oyedwa. Ukuze ubudlelwano bungabi bomfazi oyedwa, kufanele kube nabalingani abangaphezu koyedwa okungenani. Nakuba isithembu, isithembu, ukushwiba, kanye nokulalana ngaphandle komshado konke kubhekwa njengobudlelwane obungeyona indoda eyodwa, nokho uma othile ekhuluma ngokungewona umfazi oyedwa, ngokuvamile ubhekisela ku-polyamory.

Abantu abathandana nabantu abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi uthando alukwazi ukukhawulelwa kumuntu oyedwa empilweni yabo yonke. Banothando oluningi lokupha nokwamukela, yingakho bengaba nabalingani abangaphezu koyedwa ngesikhathi. Bakholelwa ukuthi ungaba nezinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano nabantu abahlukene empilweni yakho ngamazinga ahlukene okubaluleka nokunamathelana futhi lokhu kukuvumela ukuthi ube nokuphila okwanelisayo nokuzijabulisa, okugcwele labo obathandayo futhi obazisayo.

Futhi yilokho esizokhuluma ngakho namuhla: i-polyamory. Kubalulekile ukuqaphela lapha ukuthi lobu budlelwano bokungahlali nomuntu oyedwa abulingani nokungathembeki ngoba imvume yabo bonke abalingani iyathinteka. Ukuze senze umehluko kusukela ekungathembeki, sizobiza i-polyamory Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM).

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Ubudlelwano bokuziphatha okungezona indoda eyodwa — Ethical non-monogamy

Kunezindlela eziningi zokwenza ubudlelwano bokuziphatha okungeyona indoda eyodwa noma ubudlelwano be-ENM. Abalingani bayayihlonipha imingcele yomunye nomunye futhi banqume kusengaphambili ukuthi bafunani ebudlelwaneni. Kulesi sigaba, sizobheka ezinye zezinqubo ezijwayelekile ezibonwa ekuziphatheni okungeyona indoda eyodwa:

1. Nisobala komunye nomunye ngokuziphatha okungeyona indoda eyodwa

Ukucaca ngalokho izinhlangothi ezithintekayo ezikulindele ebuhlotsheni be-ENM kubalulekile ekubugcineni. Kukusiza ukuthi ubeke imingcele yakho futhi udale ukuxhumana okunempilo, okuthembekile, nokweqiniso. Kuyasiza futhi ukugwema noma yiziphi izinkinga ezingadingekile emizweni nasekuziphatheni komunye nomunye.

2. Usengaba nobudlelwano obuyisisekelo

Umuntu one-polyamorous angase abe nobudlelwano obulinganayo nozakwethu ngamunye. Noma kukhona uzakwethu oyinhloko abakhetha ukuchitha naye isikhathi esiningi futhi babelane ngezinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo. Konke okuguquguqukayo kusebenza esisekelweni sokuthi uyafisa ukuzijwayeza ukwakheka kobudlelwano besigaba noma cha.

3. Kunemithetho ecacile ebudlelwaneni bakho be-ENM

Kungase kudideke uma usebudlelwaneni obuningana. Ukuze uyigcine ihlelekile futhi ilula, kungcono ukuthi ube nezivumelwano ebudlelwaneni bakho obungewona owomfazi oyedwa. Ozakwethu banganquma ukuthi bafuna ukubuyisa kanjani ubudlelwano babo phambili uma befuna ubudlelwano bocansi, ezothando, noma u-platonic, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi babona ikusasa ndawonye noma cha, nokuningi.

Wazisa abalingani bakho ngohlobo lobudlelwano onabo nabanye (uma becela imininingwane). Ngokugcina zonke izinto zisetafuleni, ugwema izingxabano eziningana ezingaba khona esikhathini esizayo. Sicela ukhumbule ukuthi abantu bangakhohlisa ngaphakathi kwesethi yobudlelwano be-polyamorous uma bephula imithetho yobudlelwano be-polyamorous noma beqa imingcele ebekiwe. Yingakho izingxoxo ezinjalo zibalulekile.

Izinhlobo Zobudlelwano Okungeyona Yomfazi Oyedwa

Kunezinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano be-ENM. Kule ngxenye, sizobheka ishadi lobudlelwane obungewona umfazi oyedwa elingasinikeza umbono ongcono wokuthi lisebenza kanjani empilweni yangempela. Ubudlelwano ngabunye, nakuba kuyisibonelo sokuziphatha okungeyona indoda eyodwa, bungahluka ngokuphelele kobunye.

1. Ubudlelwano obungebona indoda eyodwa ngaphandle kwamalebula

Kukhona abantu abaningi abangathandi ukwenza noma yiluphi uhlobo oluthile lobudlelwane obungebona indoda eyodwa. Izitayela zabo zobudlelwano azibonisi izici ezifana nohlobo, yingakho ukwenza kwabo kuhlukile kubo. Izivumelwano ebudlelwaneni babo zingase zibe lula. Konke kuncike ekutheni banquma ukwenza kanjani mayelana nobudlelwano babo ngamunye.

2. Vula ubudlelwano

Lolu uhlobo lokuziphatha okungewona owomfazi oyedwa lapho abantu ababili besebudlelwaneni kodwa bevulelekile kunoma yikuphi ukuhlangana ngokocansi noma kothando ngaphandle. Nakuba okubaluleke kakhulu kungubudlelwano obuyinhloko, bobabili abalingani bangaba nobudlelwano nabanye abantu. Kodwa-ke, abantu abavamile ukuzibophezela emaqenjini angaphandle futhi ukuxhumana kuhlala kungaphandle kobudlelwano obuyinhloko. Kukhona kokubili okuhle nokubi kobudlelwano obuvulekile futhi kuyasiza ukubazi bonke ngaphambi kokuba yingxenye yobuhlobo obubodwa.

3. I-Polyamory

Ubudlelwano obune-polyamorous bungenzeka ngezindlela eziningi. Abantu abaningi bangaba sebudlelwaneni ngesikhathi esisodwa lapha. Noma abantu ababili bangazibophezela komunye nomunye, kuyilapho bezinikele kwabanye abalingani ngesikhathi esifanayo, njalo njalo. Yilokhu okuvame ukubhekiselwa kukho noma nini lapho kukhulunywa ngobuhlobo obungenabo bomuntu oyedwa.

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4. Umfazi oyedwa

Leli yigama eliqanjwe lezo zithandani ezinobudlelwano bomuntu oyedwa kodwa ngezikhathi ezithile ziba nobudlelwano bocansi bangaphandle. Lezi zinhlobo zobudlelwano ngokuvamile azinakuxhumana okuthandanayo ngaphandle kobudlelwano obuyinhloko, yingakho, cishe, ziwubudlelwane bomuntu oyedwa. Kubandakanya imithetho eminingi emisiwe kubo bobabili abalingani okufanele bayilandele ngenhlonipho nangokunakekela.

5. Iziyaluyalu zobudlelwane

Isiphithiphithi sobudlelwane sisho ukungabi khona kwezigaba ebudlelwaneni okusho ukuthi bonke ozakwethu banokuqala okulinganayo. Noma kunalokho, indlela engcono yokukubeka kungaba ukusho ukuthi akukho okubalulekile okukhethekile okunikezwa noma yibaphi ozakwethu bakho. Ithi, uma ubudlelwano be-ENM obubodwa buyi-platonic, obunye bungokobulili, futhi okwesithathu kwezothando nezocansi, ukubaluleka kwakho konke okuthathu kuzofana kumuntu ngamunye.

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6. Isithembu

Lokhu kunengqikithi yezenkolo noma yezenhlalo kukho. Ngokujwayelekile, kuhlanganisa owesilisa onamakhosikazi amaningi, kodwa kungasho futhi ukuthi owesifazane onamadoda amaningi. Isemthethweni emazweni amaningana emhlabeni jikelele kodwa inakho kokubili izimiso zokuziphatha nokungahambisani nezimiso zokuziphatha kukho.

Naphezu kwezithiyo zokuziphatha nezenkolo ezibekwe ngokumelene nalobu buhlobo obungeyona indoda eyodwa, bunezinzuzo eziningana ezingokoqobo. Akugcini nje ngokukusiza ukufeza izidingo zakho kanye nezidingo zakho ngokuphelele, kodwa futhi kunikeza ozakwenu inkululeko yokuzenzela okufanayo.

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile

Ku-non-monogamy yokuziphatha, abalingani kufanele baveze obala komunye nomunye ukuze bagweme noma yikuphi ukungabaza kanye nokuxhumana okungcono.
Umuntu angaba nobudlelwano obuyisisekelo nomuntu ngenkathi esebudlelwaneni bokuziphatha kwesithembu
Ukuba nemithetho nemingcele ebudlelwaneni bakho bokuziphatha okungeyona indoda eyodwa kubalulekile
Ubudlelwane obungebona indoda eyodwa bungaba izinhlobo eziyisithupha: ubuhlobo be-ENM obungenawo amalebula, ubudlelwano obuvulekile, i-polyamory, i-monogamish, isiphithiphithi sobudlelwane, nesithembu
Nge-polyamory, umuntu akudingeki athembele kumlingani oyedwa kuzo zonke izidingo zakhe futhi lobu budlelwano, lapho buphumelele, ngokuvamile buyisibonelo esihle sokuthi imingcele isebenza kanjani ebuhlotsheni.

Njengoba nje singasitholi isidingo sokuzikhawulela kumngane oyedwa, nabantu abathandana nabantu abaningi abasitholi isidingo sokuzikhawulela kumlingani oyedwa. Ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo be-polyamorous buvame ukuba yisibonelo esihle sendlela imingcele ebudlelwaneni okufanele isebenze ngayo, indlela umuntu angahlonipha ngayo izinto ezithile eziza kuqala kanye nezintandokazi zomlingani wakhe (abalingani bakhe), kanye nendlela umuntu angabhekana ngayo nomona ebudlelwaneni be-polyamorous lapho uvela.

Nge-polyamory, akudingekile ukuthi uthembele kumlingani oyedwa kuphela ukuze wanelise zonke izidingo zakho nalokho okulindele. Ngokugcina izinto zivulekile, uzivumela ukuthi uvulele amathuba amasha empilweni, uzihlole ngokugcwele, futhi ungene esisetshenziswa sothando esichichimayo. Lezi mhlawumbe yizizathu eziyinhloko zokuthi ukungabi ne-monogamy inketho ekhangayo.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ingabe ubudlelwano bokungahlali nomuntu oyedwa bunempilo?

Nakanjani! Uma nje kukhona imingcele enempilo phakathi kwabo bonke abalingani, ubudlelwano obungeyona indoda eyodwa bukusiza ukuthi uhlole umhlaba, ubulili bakho, izidingo zakho, isifiso sakho, ipolitiki yakho, namandla akho othando. Ngaphandle kokuzibekela umkhawulo emigomeni yokucwaswa kwezenhlalo, ukuba nobudlelwano obungeyona indoda eyodwa kukusiza ukuthi ukhule njengomuntu. Ngokuzihlanganisa nabantu abahlukene ngezindlela ezahlukene noma ezifanayo, udala indawo enempilo eduze kwakho eshiya indawo enkulu yokuzikhulisa, ukuthuthukisa ubuntu, ukugcwaliseka kocansi, nothando.

2. Kuyini ukuphola okungeyona indoda eyodwa?

Ukuqomisana okungeyona yomfazi oyedwa kubhekisela ekutholeni ozakwethu abalungile uma unabalingani abaningi. Bangase babe nozakwethu abaningi ngokwabo. Kwenza lonke uhlelo lube lula kakhulu ngoba awudingi ukuthola labo ozakwethu abayivelakancane abalungile nge-polyamory. Amapulatifomu amaningana anikeza izinketho zokuqomisana zabantu abangashadile oyedwa.

3. Ngazi kanjani ukuthi angiyena umfazi oyedwa?

Uma ungumuntu ozizwa ejabulile ngokuthola uthando olusha kuyilapho ungazizwa usongelwa noma ungavikelekile ngobuhlobo bakho bamanje, khona-ke kukhona ithuba elihle lokuthi uncamela ukungabi nomfazi oyedwa. Akumele kube ubudlelwano bothando. Kungaba ucansi, platonic, nokunye okuningi. Kungase futhi kube yinto yesikhashana noma yesikhathi eside, ukukhetha akupheli!

4. Ingabe KULUNGILE ukuba nomfazi oyedwa?

Kulungile impela ukuba nomfazi oyedwa. Mhlawumbe umqondo womlingani womphefumulo uyathandeka kuwe noma mhlawumbe uthanda ukuba nomuntu ongaguquki empilweni yakho. Noma mhlawumbe unamandla nothando lokuchitha kumuntu oyedwa. Ukushada komuntu oyedwa kusewuhlobo oluhamba phambili lobudlelwano emhlabeni wonke ngenxa yezinye izici futhi, njengokucwaswa emphakathini, ukuntula ulwazi, ukuntuleka kwesikhala somqondo nemizwa, imizwa yokungavikeleki eyeqile abantu abasebenza kuyo, kanye nokuntuleka kokwamukelwa ngokomthetho nezenhlalo.

Imicabango Final

Ubudlelwano obungenabo abantu ababili abubona obawo wonke umuntu, kodwa kulabo ababusebenzisayo, bunikeza inkululeko, ukukhula ngokomzwelo, kanye nokuxhumana okwanelisayo. Isihluthulelo sempumelelo kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungumuntu oyedwa noma ungumuntu oyedwa—ukukhulumisana okuqotho, ukwethembana, kanye nokuhloniphana. Ochwepheshe bethu bangakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nothando, ukuzibophezela, kanye nokwaneliseka komuntu siqu.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.