9 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Okuthuthukisa Amathuba Akho Okuthola Uthando Ngemva Kwama-40

Njengabantu, izinhliziyo zethu ziboshelwe ukufuna ukufudumala kokugona omunye, ngoba uthando luyintambo engabonakali esixhumanisa sonke futhi eluka ubukhona bethu. Iminyaka yobudala ayenzi mehluko kulesi sidingo esingokwemvelo. Kubantu abaningi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bebengashadile noma bazama ukuphola beneminyaka engu-40 ngemva kwesehlukaniso, umqondo wokuthola uthando ungase ubonakale unzima noma ungenakwenzeka ngoba umphakathi uxhumeke kakhulu emcabangweni wothando olusha. Kodwa iqiniso elimangalisayo liwukuthi, amathuba okuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engama-40 aphakeme, futhi okuhlangenwe nakho kungase kugcwaliseke futhi kuvuze ngendlela emangalisayo.

"Ngemuva kweminyaka ngingedwa, angizange ngicabange ukuthi ngiyophinde ngithole uthando lweqiniso ngisho noma ngangazi ukuthi ngidinga uthando ekuphileni kwami. Kodwa ngahlangana nothando lwempilo yami eminyakeni engu-3 edlule ngilindile esitolo sekhofi. Amehlo ethu ahlangana, futhi inhliziyo yami yeqa. Lokho kuhlangana kwethu kwangiholela othandweni oluhle olwangifakazela ukuthi uthando alunaminyaka. Ngiphila impilo ejabulisayo ne-4 yokuthola uthando no-Adam, ngithola ithuba lokuthola uthando manje," kusho u-Adam, 4 Owesifazane oneminyaka engu-40 ubudala futhi akakaze ashade.

Ukuze uqonde leli culo elihle lokuthola nokugubha uthando ezigabeni zakamuva zokuphila, kulesi sihloko, u-Anushtha Mishra (MSc. Counseling Psychology) onolwazi olukhethekile ngokuhlukumezeka, ubudlelwano, ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, usizi, kanye nesizungu, ukhanyisa izibalo zokuthola uthando kumuntu oneminyaka engu-40, imibono eyiphutha ezungezile, kanye namathiphu asebenzayo okwandisa amathuba akho okuthandana ngemva kweminyaka engu-40. Ekupheleni kwalokhu, ungase ube nempendulo yombuzo wakho, “Ingabe iminyaka engu-40 isindala kakhulu ukuthola uthando?”

Ngokwezibalo, Ayini Amathuba Okuthola Uthando Ngemva Kwama-40?

Ake sihlole kancane izibalo zabantu abangashadile ngemva kweminyaka engu-40 ngaphambi kokuba singene ezinambeni zokuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engu-40. Ucwaningo lwe-Pew lwembula ukuthi abantu abangu-27% abaneminyaka engu-50 kuya ku-64 kanye nabesilisa abangu-21% abangaphezu kweminyaka engu-65 abanabo ubuhlobo. Kodwa linda, kukhona okunye: abesifazane abangu-49% abangaphezu kweminyaka engu-65 bahamba bodwa. Lezi zinombolo ziwubufakazi obanele bokuqeda isihlamba sokungashadi nokwamukela ithuba lokuthola uthando sekwephuzile.

Ngokuthakazelisayo, isampula kazwelonke yabantu abadala (abaneminyaka engu-57 kuya ku-85) eyenziwe yiBrown & Shinohara yathola ukuthi cishe u-14% wabantu abadala abangashadile basebudlelwaneni bothando. Amadoda ayenamathuba amaningi okuba sechibini lokuthandana kunabesifazane, futhi le mibhangqwana ibike impilo engcono, izimpahla eziningi, kanye nokuxhumana okukhulu nomphakathi. Lokhu okutholakele kubalulekile ngoba kugcizelela ukuthi ukuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engu-40 akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi kungenzeka kodwa futhi kungaholela empilweni ejabulisayo nenempilo.

Imibono Emi-5 Eyiphutha Evamile Mayelana Nokuthola Uthando Nokuqomisana Eminyakeni Yako-40

Indaba yothando yomphakathi ayilingani ngokugxila kwayo othandweni olusemusha olubonakala ngenkanuko eshisayo. Ngemva kweminyaka ethile, incazelo yothando esilufunayo ebudlelwaneni obusha iyashintsha. Uma uthandana uneminyaka engu-40 ngemuva kwesehlukaniso noma ukuthandana okokuqala ngemva kweminyaka engu-40, uqala ukuthanda uthando olujabulisayo esikhundleni sothando olushisayo, uthando olujulile noluthule. Akusho ukuthi uthando luyaphela ngokuphelele, akulona nje kuphela oluza kuqala ebuhlotsheni obuzinikele. Kunemibono eminingi eyiphutha ezungezayo uma kukhulunywa ngamathuba okuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engu-40. Nokho, izindaba ezimbi kubo ngoba siyawaqeda lawo manga. Lokhu sekudlule isikhathi eside. Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi unqobe ukukhathazeka kwakho kokuthi “Ngeke ngiphinde ngithole uthando”.

1. Bonke abahle bayathathwa

Kulula ukuthonywa umbono ongalungile wokuthi zonke ezinhle sezithathiwe, ngakho-ke kuzodingeka wamukele noma ubani ongamthola eminyakeni yakho engama-40. Kukwenza uqale ukuzibuza, “Ingabe sekwephuze kakhulu ukuthola uthando uneminyaka engama-40?” Kodwa-ke, lokhu akuwona neze iqiniso. Ukuthi nje okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwempilo edlule kube nzima, akusho ukuthi ngeke uthole uthando nokuzinza esikhathini esizayo noma ube nobunzima bokuthandana.

Imithetho yokuqomisana ngemva kwama-40 ingaba nzima, kodwa futhi kubalulekile, ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukuba yiqiniso kulokho okufunayo futhi okufanelwe kumlingani wokuphila, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yimiphi imithetho. Izindinganiso eziphakeme ziyinto enhle. Kumane kuwumdlalo wokubekezela nokuzinika isikhathi sokwazi abangaba ozakwethu abanezimfanelo ozifunayo.

2. Umthwalo wakho uzothusa abangaba ozakwethu

Uma uyindoda ethandana nabantu abaseminyakeni yakho yo-40 noma owesifazane ethandana nomuntu ongashadile oneminyaka engu-40, ungase ukholelwe ukuthi umthwalo wakho wemizwa uzoxosha abalingani bakho abangaba khona futhi ungase ungalutholi uthando lwakho lweqiniso. Kodwa ngilalele, wonke umuntu unohlobo oluthile lwemithwalo. Ukuvuleka nokwethembeka ngezinto ohlangabezane nazo kuzokwenza ukhange kakhulu. Zikhumbuze ukuthi ubuthakathaka buyimandla, hhayi ubuthakathaka. Kuqinisa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni.

Yamukela yonke indaba, ama-quirks, nokungapheleli okufakiwe. Yabelana ngohambo lwakho futhi ukuze bakwazi ukukubona okuyiqiniso. Lokhu kuzokusiza ekutholeni uthando ngemuva kwesehlukaniso uneminyaka engama-40. Noma ngabe ubungashadile futhi.

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3. Kunzima kakhulu ukujola kule minyaka

Ngisho nomqondo wokubuyela endaweni yokuqomisana ngemva kweminyaka yakho engama-40 ungethusa, ikakhulukazi uma ungowesifazane oneminyaka engama-40 ubudala futhi ungakaze ushade noma ungumuntu oneminyaka engama-40 ohlukanisile. Kodwa ungavumeli ukwesaba kukuthinte. Ngenxa yezinhlelo zokusebenza namathuluzi okuqomisana aku-inthanethi esimanje , inqubo yokuhlola abalingani bothando isibe bushelelezi kunanini ngaphambili. Kusukela ekuswayipheni kuya ekuthumeleni imiyalezo, indawo yokuqomisana isishintshe ukuze ivumelane nawo wonke amaqembu eminyaka.

Eqinisweni, inala yezinketho zokuqomisana ku-40s yakho ingakhulula ngendlela emangalisayo futhi ingakufundisa ukuthi ungathandana kanjani nomuntu lapho usukhulile. Ungathatha isikhathi sokuhlola ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela kumlingani wempilo futhi ujabulele inqubo yokwazi othile omusha. Ngakho-ke ungavumeli umbono oyiphutha wokuthi ukuthandana oseminyakeni yama-40 kunzima kakhulu kukuthene amandla - mukela amathuluzi amasha kanye namathuba atholakalayo kuwe, futhi uqale uhambo lwakho lokuthola uthando nobungane obukufanele.

4. Okokufeza izidingo zakho ezingokwenyama kuphela

Enye yemibono eyiphutha enkulu nevame kakhulu ngokuhlangana nomuntu oneminyaka engama-40 ukuthi kuwukwanelisa izifiso zomzimba kuphela. Lokhu akulona iqiniso. Nakuba ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuyisici esibalulekile kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano, akuyona yodwa into eqhuba ukuxhumana okuseduze phakathi kwabantu ababili. Eqinisweni, ngokusho kocwaningo , abantu abaningi abaneminyaka engama-40 bafuna ukuxhumana okujulile nokunenjongo okungaphezu kokukhanga ngokomzimba.

Kulesi sigaba sokuphila, abantu baye baba nesikhathi sokuhlola izifiso zabo futhi ngokuyinhloko bafuna umuntu ongakwazi ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo nezingokwengqondo. Ngakho-ke ungavumeli le nganekwane ikuvimbele, zivulele emathubeni okuthola ukuphola futhi uthathe amathuba okuthola uthando ngemuva kweminyaka engama-40.

5. Sekuphuzile ukuthola uthando

Sizizwa sengathi siphuthelwe isikebhe sothando lapho sidlula iminyaka engu-40. Kodwa akukephuzi kakhulu ukuthi ungahamba ngomkhumbi futhi ubheke uthando futhi uphume ngosuku lwakho lokuqala. Abantu abaningi bathola ukuthi iminyaka engu-40 iyisikhathi esibalulekile sothando njengoba benethezekile esikhumbeni sabo futhi bazi kahle ukuthi bafunani kumlingani.

Ungavumeli le nkolelo engamanga ikwenze uzizwe sengathi uzoyeka uthando uneminyaka engu-40. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufuna umngane ozokwabelana naye impilo noma umngane womphefumulo ofuna ukuguga naye, amathuba awapheli. Ngakho-ke qhubeka uphakamise leso sivikelo.

Wonke umuntu, kuhlanganise nawe, ufanelwe ukuthola umuntu owenza inhliziyo yakho yeqe futhi oveza okuhle kuwe. Imfuneko kuphela ukuthi ugcine ingqondo evulekile futhi uthembele ukuthi uzothola okulungile

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9 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Okuthuthukisa Amathuba Akho Okuthola Uthando Ngemva Kwama-40

Ngakho-ke, ingabe uzizwa sengathi ukuthandana ngemva kuka-40 akunakwenzeka? Awu, cabanga futhi. Ngokuphambene nayo yonke imibono eyiphutha, ukuthola uthando kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okuzuzisa kakhulu ekuphileni kwakho. Ake sihlole amanye amathiphu angcono kakhulu okuthuthukisa amathuba okuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engama-40 nokwakha ubudlelwano obanelisayo.

1. Gxila ekwakheni ukuzethemba kwakho

Isihluthulelo sokuhlangana nomuntu oseminyakeni yama-40s akukhona nje mayelana nokuhamba ngezinsuku ezingapheli, kumayelana nokwakha umuzwa oqinile wokuzithiba okwenza ungenakuvinjelwa futhi kuzokusiza ukuthi uzitholele owesifazane noma indoda efanele. Enye yezindlela ezinhle kakhulu zokuthuthukisa amathuba akho okuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engama-40 ukugxila ekwakheni ukuzethemba kwakho. Lokhu kuzokwenza kube lula ukwakha ukuxhumana okunengqondo okungagcina kuholele othandweni oluhlala isikhathi eside.

Qala ngokuthi,

• Ukugxila emandleni akho nasezintweni ozifezile
• Ziqhenye ngalokho oyikho
• Nikeza kancane ukuzithanda

2. Zama ukuqomisana nge-inthanethi

Iseluleko esihle sabesifazane abangashadile namadoda angaphezu kuka-40 kungaba ukuzama ukuphola ku-intanethi. Amasevisi okuqomisana aku-inthanethi ayinketho enhle yokuhlangana nabantu abasha. Njengoba kunenqwaba yamasayithi okuqomisana nezinhlelo zokusebenza ezitholakalayo, ungathola kalula inkundla evumelana nezidingo zakho futhi wandise amathuba akho okuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engu-40. Indawo yokuqomisana ye-inthanethi ayilula nje kuphela, kodwa futhi ikusiza ukuthi uxhumane nabantu abangaphandle kweqembu lakho elilinganiselwe lomphakathi futhi wandise ama-horizons akho.

Kodwa-ke, khumbula ukuhlala uphephile futhi uqaphele lapho uhlangana nomuntu ubuso nobuso okokuqala ngemuva kokuxhumana naye kumawebhusayithi okuqomisana aku-inthanethi noma izinsizakalo zokuqomisana. Lokho akusho ukuthi akufanele uthathe isinyathelo sokholo uzame ukuqomisana ku-inthanethi - awazi, ungase uthole umuntu bese ekugcineni uqede ukucabanga ngokuthi, “Kungani ukuthola uthando kunzima kangaka?” Ngesikhathi esifanayo, kubalulekile ukuzivikela ezingozini zokuqomisana ku-inthanethi.

3. Nakekela impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokwengqondo

Impilo engokomzimba inomthelela omkhulu enhlalakahleni yakho iyonke, okuhlanganisa nempilo yakho yothando. Ukuze uzizwe unamandla futhi uqiniseka, okungagcina kuhehe abangaba ozakwethu, udinga ukudla ukudla okulinganiselayo, uvivinye umzimba kaningi, ulale ngokwanele, futhi unakekele impilo yakho yengqondo. Ungawabukeli phansi amandla okuzithanda nokuzazi uma kuziwa ekutholeni uthando ngemva kwama-40.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukunakekela impilo yakho engokomzimba akugcini nje ngokukwenza uzizwe ungcono ngaphakathi kodwa futhi kukusiza ukuba ukhanye ngaphandle kukusize uhehe nabantu. Indlela yokuphila enempilo ingakwenzela izimanga futhi ikunikeze ithuba elingcono lokuthola uthando lwakho lweqiniso. Ngakho-ke, qaphela futhi uzinakekele, ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba.

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4. Yiya emicimbini yomphakathi kanye nemihlangano

Kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa ukhathele ukuswayipha kwesobunxele nakwesokudla kuzinhlelo zokusebenza zokuthandana bese ungatholi ukuxhumana okunenjongo . Ngakho-ke, udinga ukukuxuba kancane futhi ungathembeli kuphela ekuqomisaneni ku-inthanethi ukuze uthole umngane. Phuma uye emicimbini yomphakathi noma emihlanganweni endaweni yakini. Kungaba yiqembu lokuzilibazisa, umcimbi wokusiza, noma umsebenzi wokuxhumana nabantu. Le mibuthano ingaba yithuba elihle lokukhulisa umbuthano wakho wokuxhumana nabantu nokuhlangana nabantu abasha.

Lokhu ngeke kukusize nje ukuthi uhlangane nabantu abangaba ophathina bakho futhi ube nobudlelwano obuphumelelayo, kodwa ungase futhi uthole abangani abasha, abantu abanomqondo ofanayo, kanye nesistimu yokusekela endleleni. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuya kule micimbi kukhombisa ukuthi uvulelekile ekuhlangenwe nakho okusha futhi uzimisele ukuzibeka lapho, okuyikhwalithi ekhangayo kubantu abaningi.

5. Vulekele okuhlangenwe nakho okusha

Uma kukhulunywa ngempilo yakho ngemva kweminyaka engu-40, iseluleko esihle sokuthandana ukuthi uyeke ukwenza izinto ngendlela ojwayele ukuzenza bese uhlangana nabantu abasha bese uchitha isikhathi esiningi nabo. Ukuvuleleka kokuhlangenwe nakho okusha kungandisa amathuba akho okuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engu-40.

Zikhumbuze ukuthi ungesabi ukuphuma endaweni yakho yokunethezeka bese uzama okuthile okusha. Ungase uzimangaze ngalokho okutholayo nokuthi uhlangana nobani endleleni. Phela, ngeke kube iphutha uma sithi ukuphila kuqala ku-40, kungani ungasebenzisi ngokugcwele?

6. Ungahlali ngokuncane kunalokho okukufanele

Uthando luwumuzwa omuhle kakhulu, futhi wonke umuntu ufanele ukuthola uhlobo lothando olukhulula umphefumulo wakhe. Ungavumeli ukwesaba ukuba wedwa kukwenze wamukele ubudlelwano obungakujabulisi. Khumbula ukuthi ukhetha ubudlelwano bakho, futhi ukwamukela okungaphansi kwalokho okukufanele kuyisinqumo ongadingi ukusenza. Kubalulekile ukwethemba umuzwa wakho futhi ungayekethisi ezintweni ongazixoxisani.

Lindela umuntu olungile, noma kuyinselele ngoba ikufanele futhi inengqondo. Zikhumbuze ukuthi ulufanele uthando, ukwazisa, nenhlonipho. Gcina izindinganiso zakho ziphakeme, futhi uzihloniphe; lokho kuyinto enhle. Uthando lweqiniso luyofika, lulethe isiqalo esijabulisayo. Ngakho-ke, impendulo yakho ethi, “Ingabe kufanele ngiphole nomuntu engingamtholi ekhanga noma ofanelanayo?”, idinga ukuba CHA omkhulu.

7. Thembeka futhi ube yiqiniso

Ukuba qotho nokwethembeka kubalulekile lapho ufuna uthando, kunoma iyiphi iminyaka. Ukuba neqiniso kuwena kubaluleke kakhulu kunokuzama ukungena kulokho okholelwa ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi umaqondana ufuna. Kungenzeka ukuthi uhehe umuntu ohambisana nawe uma uthembekile futhi uyiqiniso mayelana nokuthi ungubani.

Kubukeka kanjani ukuphrakthiza lokhu?

• Ukuphumela obala ngezinjongo zakho, izindinganiso, nezinto eziza kuqala
• Ukuxhumana ngezidingo zakho nezinto ozifunayo, kanye abadayisi
• Ukuba nomuzwa ongcono walokho okufunayo
• Ukubeka imingcele yakho

Ngokwenza lokhu, uzokwazi ukwakha isisekelo esiqinile sobudlelwano obanelisayo lapho uzothandwa ngenxa yalokho oyikho ngempela. Lokhu kuzokusiza futhi ukuthi uqinisekise ukukhula komuntu siqu futhi kuzosiza ukuheha abantu.

8. Gxila kwikhwalithi phezu kobuningi

Ukuthuthukisa amathuba okuthandana ngemva kweminyaka engu-40 akukona ukuphonsa inetha elibanzi futhi ubone ukuthi yini enamathelayo. Kunalokho, kubalulekile ukugxila kukhwalithi phezu kobuningi. Thatha isikhathi sokwazi umlingani wakho ongase ube naye, onentshisekelo efanayo nemigomo yesikhathi eside. Yebo, kuyaqondakala ukuthi ubanjwa yinjabulo yokuxhumana okusha kanye nomdlalo wokuswayipha usuka kuphrofayela ethile uye kweyomunye umuntu.

Nokho, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo budinga okungaphezu nje kokukhangwa kwasekuqaleni. Thatha isikhathi sakho futhi ungahlali. Akukhona nje ukuthola noma ubani, kumayelana nokuthola umuntu ofanele onezifiso ezifanayo futhi oveza okuhle kuwena. Umuntu owenza inhliziyo yakho icule.

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9. Gcina umbono oqondile

Ukufuna uthando nobudlelwano obusha kungaba nzima kakhulu, kodwa kubalulekile ukugcina isimo sengqondo esihle kuyo yonke inqubo. Ukungabi nandaba kungashesha kuthathe indawo yakho futhi kuthinte imizwa yakho, okungathinta indlela abanye abakubona ngayo. Okunye kwakho kungokwemvelo, kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzikhumbuza ukuthi sifune uthando ngentshiseko kanye nethemba.

Ukuthola uthando kuthatha isikhathi, kungakhungathekisa, futhi kukwenze uzizwe uthanda ukuyeka uthando lapho usuneminyaka engu-40 futhi ungabhekani namaqhubu noma izithiyo. Kungase kukwenze uzibuze, “Kuthiwani uma umuntu engalutholi uthando ekuphileni?” Uma lokhu kwenzeka, zama ukugxila esithombeni esikhulu futhi uqhubeke nokuya phambili ngethemba.

“Uthando alunangqondo! Awukwazi ukuhlela indlela yakho yokungena noma yokuphuma kulo. Uthando alunangqondo neze. Kodwa kufanele siqhubeke sikwenza kungenjalo silahlekile futhi uthando selufile, futhi isintu kufanele sivele siyipakishe. Ngoba uthando luyinto engcono kakhulu esiyenzayo,” kusho uTed Mosby kwethi How I Met Your Mother. Uchungechunge olwaziwa ngokuhlola itimu yothando ngaphezu kweminyaka yobudala.

Ingabe uneminyaka engu-40 ubudala kakhulu ukuthola uthando ? Nokho, ukuthi usukhulile akusho ukuthi kufanele unciphise izinketho zakho ukuze wandise amathuba akho okuthola uthando ngemva kweminyaka engu-40. Umhlaba ugcwele amathuba okuthanda nokuthandwa. Ngakho-ke, phuma uwabambe ngezandla zakho zeluliwe ngokwanele ukubamba wonke.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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