Ukuthola Uthando Ngemva Kwesehlukaniso - Izinto Eziyisi-9 Okufanele Uzikhumbule

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Ukuhlukana akunzima nje, kuyizenzakalo ezishintsha ukuphila. Futhi isehlukaniso, ngisho nangaphezulu! Isehlukaniso sishiya umuntu edidekile, engenathemba, ekhungathekile futhi edumazekile ngothando. Kuphinde kubangele ukukhathazeka nokungabaza mayelana nokuthola uthando ngemuva kwesehlukaniso. Uma sisothandweni, sijwayele ukuzibheka ngokwembono yabalingani bethu. Siyeka ukuzibheka njengezinhlaka ezingazodwana, siya ngokuya sikhululeka endimeni yokuba ingxenye yawo wonke.

Ukuthatha lokho kungazelelwe kungasishiya sididekile. Sididekile ngokuthi singobani, sithanda ini, nokuthi siyophinde siluthole nini futhi nini uthando. Sonke sinokuthambekela kokungaboni ngaso linye lapho kuziwa emizweni yethu yamanje. Saxoxa no Shazia Saleem (I-Masters in Psychology), ogxile ekuhlukaniseni nasekululekeni ngokwedivosi, ukuze athole ulwazi lwakhe ngalolu daba. Wakhuluma nathi ngezinto okufanele umuntu azigcine engqondweni ngaphambi kokuba aphume enethemba lokuthola uthando lweqiniso ngemva kwesehlukaniso.

Ukuthola Uthando Ngemva Kwesehlukaniso - Expert Guide

Okuqukethwe

Isehlukaniso singakushiya uphucwe izinto ezimbalwa - umuzwa wakho wokuzethemba, ukuzethemba, izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo, amaphupho, izimali, uthando, ukuthethelela, ithemba, ukubekezelelana nokunye okuningi. Kungakho kunengqondo ukuvuleleka ekufuneni usizo. Usizo lungathatha uhlobo lokuzifundisa ngokufunda nokulalela ochwepheshe. Kungase futhi kubukeke njengokulalela okuhlangenwe nakho kwabanye abantu abaye bazulazula ngempumelelo emiseleni efanayo kule nkundla yempi.

Ukulalela izindaba zeqiniso ezikhuthazayo ngobudlelwano obuqinisa kabusha ukholo lwakho othandweni, nokuthola uthando lwangempela ngemva kwezindaba zedivosi kungase kukunikeze umuzwa womphakathi. Kuzokwenza uzizwe uqondakala futhi ukwesaba kwakho kwamukeleke. Ukulalela ochwepheshe kuzokunikeza ukuqonda okunenjongo ngenkinga eholele ekudivoseni kwakho futhi kukunikeze izifundo ezibalulekile ongahamba nazo ebudlelwaneni bakho obulandelayo. Umeluleki omuhle wezehlukaniso uzobamba isandla sakho futhi akuqondise phakathi nesivunguvungu semizwa oye wabhekana nayo wedwa.

Kulesi sihloko, Shazia isibonisa indlela yokuqondisa indlela yethu ngokuyeka okudala nokwamukela okusha. Uveza izinto ezingu-9 okufanele umuntu azinake uma efuna amathuba okuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso. Ukukhathazeka okusha kobudlelwano kuyiqiniso futhi kungaba nzima nakakhulu ngemva kwesehlukaniso noma ukwehlukana. Amathiphu ka-Shazia aqinisekile ukukusiza ukuthi uthole izizathu ezinzile.

1. Ingabe usukulungele ukuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso?

Kuvame ukubonakala ukuthi umzwelo wokuqala oza ngenxa yesahlukaniso noma ukuhlukana kobudlelwane obuzibophezele isikhathi eside uzama ukugxumela emuva ebuhlotsheni obusha. Lokhu kungaba umzamo wokubhekana nesizungu. Lokhu kungase futhi kuqhutshwa isifiso sokwenza owakwakho abe nomona.

U-Shazia uthi, “Kufanele uzihlole.Kunokuba uthatheke noma uzame ukufakazela kowayeshade naye noma wena ngokwakho ukuthi ungaqhubeka, qala uzihlole kancane.Zibuze, “Ingabe ngempela ngikulungele ubudlelwano obusha?” Ungaqala nini ukujola, uyabuza? Qala ukuthandana kuphela uma uzizwa ukulungele.”

Ukungena othandweni kuyajabulisa futhi kuhle, kodwa ukuthandana nakho kuyibhizinisi elinzima. Ungagxumeli kukho ngaphandle uma unomuzwa wokuthi usemoyeni nempilo engcono kakhulu. Ukuthola indoda efanele ngemva kwesehlukaniso noma ukufuna lowo wesifazane othandekayo ukulungisa lawo maphutha akufanele kube yinto yokuqala okufanele ukhathazeke ngayo ngemva kwesehlukaniso sakho.

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2. Thatha kancane

Uma usuyihlolisisile imizwa yakho, ungase uzithole usendaweni engcono. Ungase uthole ukuthi usukulungele ngempela ukwethemba othile futhi wabelane ngothando lwakho naye. Ungase ujabule ngisho nangethuba lokuphinde uphole.

Kungenzeka ukuthi awukwazi, kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi ufuna ukuqinisekiswa kulobu budlelwano obusha. Ungase uzizwe unengcindezi ukuze wenze lobu budlelwano obusha busebenze nganoma iyiphi indlela, ngisho nokungaziba amafulegi abomvu okufanele akuthumele ukuthi usebenze kanye nokusula imingcele enempilo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungase uzizwe uthambekele ekucekeleni phansi ubuhlobo obuhle ngokuphelele.

Kungakho, noma uzithola usulungele ukuqala ukuthandana, u-Shazia weluleka ukuthi akuthathe kancane. “Njengoba sazi sonke, ukunensa nokunethezeka kuyawunqoba umjaho. Ngakho-ke, ungajahi ukuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni obusha. Okudingayo yisikhathi nendawo ukuze imizwa yakho izinze. Zinike leso sikhala,” usho kanje.

3. Funda emaphutheni esikhathi esidlule

Kulula ukubheka isehlukaniso sakho futhi ucabange ubudlelwano bakho obudala njengesehluleki. Kodwa ubuhlobo obudala bunjalo nje - ubuhlobo obudala. Amaphutha owenzile wonke ayingxenye yenqubo yokukhula kobuntu bakho. Banezela nasekuqineni kwakho nasekukhuleni ngokomoya. Bakunikeza amathuba angcono okuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso.

Kungasiza kakhulu ukubheka okwedlule njengesipiliyoni sokufunda. Ngaphansi kokuqondisa komeluleki, umuntu angase afunde ukubheka ngobuqotho esikhathini esidlule, abheke amaphutha enziwa futhi awaphathe njengezifundo. UShazia ufingqa isifundo kalula nje, “Funda emaphutheni adlule futhi uqaphele ukuthi ungawaphindi.”

4. Yiba nemingcele enempilo

Ithemba lokuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso lingase likujabulise ngokugxumela echibini lokuphola. Kungase futhi kukufake esimweni sokuphelelwa ithemba. Kuvame ukubonakala ukuthi abantu bavame ukucabanga ukuthi amathuba abo okuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso aphansi. Lokhu kungazethembi kubaphoqa ukuthi bagobe zonke izinhlobo zezindlela ukuze ubudlelwano busebenze.

Kodwa-ke, u-Shazia uphikelela ekuthatheni isinyathelo emuva futhi ahlole iqiniso lakho lamanje futhi ngokufanele, imizwa yakho. Uthi, “Yiba imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo wena futhi ugcine indawo yakho yomuntu siqu." Kungase kube nezingane ezihilelekile kwisehlukaniso, ingane ohlala nawe Kungase kudingeke ushintshe imisebenzi noma usebenze kakhudlwana ukuze ulawule isimo esisha sezezimali Ungase udinge ukwesekwa okwengeziwe komndeni nabangane.

Yingakho kufanele uthathe isinyathelo emuva futhi uthole ukuthi ziyini izidingo zakho ebudlelwaneni obusha. Ungase ungabheki ukuzibandakanya kakhulu. Ungase ungafuni ukuthi bahlangane nomndeni wakho okwamanje. Ungase ungakulungeli ukukunika isikhathi esiningi. Noma ngabe yini oyidingayo, yibeke iqonde.

5. Zisebenzele wena ngaphambi kokuthola uthando ngemuva kwesehlukaniso

Isehlukaniso noma ukuhlukana kungaba yithuba lokuqoqa sonke isikhathi nesikhala esisanda kutholwa empilweni yakho futhi sikutshale ekukhuleni kwakho siqu. Ngaphambi kokukhathazeka ngokuthi kwenziwa kanjani khula ebudlelwaneni, zikhathazeke ngokuzilapha. Ngaphambi kokukhathazeka ngokuthola uthando ngemuva kwesehlukaniso, kufanele ubeke amandla akho engqondo ekuzithuthukiseni. Futhi, umelaphi onekhono angakusiza ukuthi ubone izinkinga ezingase zidinge ukunakwa kwakho ngokushesha. Ngaphandle kwalokho, imikhuba yokucabanga njengokubhala iphephabhuku nokuzindla ingase ikunikeze ukuqonda ezindabeni zakho.

U-Shazia uthi, “Ukusebenzela wena ngokwakho kuzokusiza ukuba ubuye uzethemba nokuzihlonipha okuvame ukulahleka enqubweni ebuhlungu yokuhlukana nesehlukaniso.” Ngemuva kwakho konke, kufanele uphume obishini njengenguqulo yakho engcono, ejabulisa kakhulu ngaphambi kokuhlangana nomuntu omusha. Ukuzinza kwakho ngokwengqondo nezenhlalo kubalulekile empilweni yobudlelwano obusha.

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6. Qaphela indlela ozikhuluma ngayo

Akungabazeki ukuthi isehlukaniso nokuhlukana akukona nje kuphela okungekuhle kodwa nakho okulimaza imizwelo kubantu abaningi. Ngisho noma isehlukaniso sihambisana futhi sinobungane, sisenomuzwa wokulahlekelwa kanye noshintsho olungakhululekile. Lokhu kungase kubangele ukuba ugaxe ekuzinyezeni. Imizwa edumazayo ye isizungu ngemva kokuhlukana futhi lokho okubizwa ngokuthi ukwehluleka kobuhlobo obubalulekile kungase kukuphoqelele ngisho nasekucindezelekeni. Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi uzizwa unomuzwa wokwahlulela ovela kubantu obaziyo.

Phakathi kwayo yonke le nkulumo engeyinhle, kuba okubaluleke kakhulu ukugcina ithebhu kulokho okushoyo kuwena uma usenkampanini yakho. U-Shazia ugcizelela ukuthi kufanele ukhulume kahle nawe futhi ugweme zonke izinhlobo zemicabango emibi nokuqagela. Ukuzindla, ukubhala ijenali, ukuphrakthiza iziqinisekiso zansuku zonke kuzokusiza ukuthi uguqule lokho kukhuluma okungekuhle kube kokuhle.

7. Yiba neqiniso kuwena

Fungisa ukwethembeka kuwena futhi ungayishayi indiva imizwa yakho. UShazia udonsela ukunaka kwethu ekuthambekeleni kwabantu kokujabulisa abanye. Lapho uthola uthando ngemuva kwesehlukaniso, lokhu kuthambekela kokujabulisa abanye kuqala kunamandla kakhulu. U-Shazia uthi, "Kungase kube nokwesaba okusele ngokulahlekelwa umlingani omusha futhi. Ungase ufune ukujabulisa lo mlingani nganoma iyiphi indlela ongayenza ukuze uphumelele ubudlelwano."

Weluleka ukuthi unyathele ngokucophelela, ugcizelela ukuthi ukuhlala uthembekile emizweni yakho kanye nempendulo enikezwa yi-intuition yakho, kubaluleke kakhulu. Ungakwazi ukugxila ngempumelelo kwezinye izinto kulolu hlu lwezinto okufanele uzikhumbule lapho uthola uthando lweqiniso ngemva kwesehlukaniso, uma ufunga ngaleli phuzu - ukuhlala uthembekile kuwe futhi ubeke eyakho kuqala. izidingo ezibucayi ezingokomzwelo.

8. Zitike futhi utshale imali ekuzinakekeleni

Asikho isikhathi esingcono sokuzinakekela. Eqinisweni, ubungeke udinge ukunakekelwa ngaphezu kwalokho oyikho manje. Buza kabusha 'ukuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso' ukuze 'uzitholele uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso'. UShazia uthi, "Gcina ugqozi enhlalakahleni yakho engokomzwelo kanye nokwelashwa. Impilo yakho engokomzwelo, injabulo yakho, impumelelo nabo bonke ubudlelwano bakho besikhathi esizayo - konke kumayelana nawe. Konke kuqala kuwena. Ngakho-ke kufanele ubeke phambili wena nezidingo zakho."

Ukuzinakekela kungathatha noma yiluphi uhlobo. Zilalele ngempela. Qaphela ukuthi yini oyidingayo. Kungaba izinto ezijwayeleke kakhulu njengokugunda izinwele noma ukuphulukisa ukubhucungwa. Noma kungase kube ukunakekela impilo yakho engokomzimba. Ukuchitha imali eningi kuwe kungaba uhlobo lokuzinakekela futhi ukuzithanda udinga. Noma uchitha isikhathi esiningi wenza into oyithandayo. Kungaba ngisho nokubeka imingcele enempilo nabantu abaseduze kwakho.

Unquma ukuthi yini oyidingayo nokuthi ungazinakekela kanjani. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ngaphambi kokuthi uqale ukukhathazeka ngokuthola uthando ngemuva kwesehlukaniso ezweni langaphandle.

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9. Ungalilahli ithemba othandweni

Lokhu cishe kungenye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu okufanele uzikhumbule lapho ucabanga ngokuthola uthando ngemuva kwesehlukaniso. Yiba nethemba! Themba ukuthi uma kwenzeka uthando, akukho okufika endleleni yalo. Themba ukuthi uthando luwumzwelo oyisisekelo, nokuthi kungenzeka ngokuphelele ukuthandana futhi. Futhi futhi. Okugcina ubudlelwano obuhle buqhubeka wumsebenzi oqhubekayo oqondiswe ekugcineni impilo yobudlelwano. Lokhu kuyinto elawulwa nguwe ngokuphelele, into ephathekayo ongayenza njengamanje.

Uma usuthole umuntu ofanelana naye okwenza uzizwe sengathi ukuthola kwakho uthando ngemuva kwendaba yesehlukaniso kungenza i-rom-com enhle, uzofaka konke okufundile ebudlelwaneni bakho obudlule futhi wenze kangcono. UShazia uthi, “Kwesinye isikhathi izinto ezimbi ziyenzeka empilweni kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi ngeke umthole umuntu othembekile ngempela, kumele usebenzele ukuvuselela ukwethemba kwakho othandweni nasebudlelwaneni.”

Amathiphu Okwakha Kabusha Ukuthembela Othandweni

Ukuze wakhe kabusha ukwethembana, khumbula inkampani yakho nezingxoxo ezikuzungezile. Chitha isikhathi nabantu abahlanganyela ezingxoxweni ezakhayo ngothando. Qaphela imicabango yakho nokuthi ibumba kanjani izinkolelo zakho. Okuhle iziqinisekiso zobudlelwano, ukulalela impumelelo yokuthola uthando ngemva kwezindaba zesehlukaniso, ukubukela amafilimu othando mayelana nokuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso, zonke izindlela zokuthuthukisa lokho kuzikhulumela, ukuzitika ekuzinakekeleni kanye nokwakha ukholo lwakho othandweni nasebudlelwaneni.

Siyabuzwa ubuhlungu bethu futhi sikholelwa ukuthi buyohlala bukhona. Asisakwazi ukuthembela ekutheni sizozizwa singcono kusasa. Izinhliziyo zethu zicabanga ukuthi kunjalo. Ukuthi asisoze saphola. Kodwa izindaba zabantu abashadile abadumile abaye bahlukana futhi bathola uthando ngokuphindaphindiwe ziyizibonelo zethemba. Asisikiseli ukuthi siqhathanise izimpilo zethu nezabo. Izinselele zabo kanye namalungelo kuhlukile kwezethu. Kodwa basengabantu futhi bangasebenza njengezibonelo zokuthi uthando lukhona kuwo wonke umuntu. Ziyingxenye yezibonakaliso ezivela eMhlabeni ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthola uthando ngokuphindaphindiwe, futhi lokho uthando luyeza.

Ngeke wazi ukuthi ubudlelwano obulandelayo bungaba ngcono yini kunobokugcina. Ngaphambi kokuthi uMeghan Markle ashade neNkosana uHarry futhi abe nguDuchess waseSussex, wayeshade noTrevor Engelson, umlingisi nomdidiyeli waseMelika iminyaka emibili ngemuva kokuphola iminyaka eyisikhombisa. UMeghan Markle wehlula wonke amathuba futhi waba ngowokuqala isehlukaniso ukuba yilungu lomndeni wasebukhosini.

Ngezinye izikhathi, ukwenza lula ubuhlungu bakho ngokuthile okulula njengokubuka amafilimu mayelana nokuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso kungaba yilokho okudingayo. Kunamafilimu amahle kakhulu akhuluma ngokuphila ngemva kwesehlukaniso abonisa indlela abantu abadivosile abayithola ngayo injabulo othandweni noma ngenye indlela. Iziphakamiso zethu Kuyinkimbinkimbi, UGloria Bell futhi Kwanele kusho phakathi kwabanye abambalwa. UMdidiyeli okudlala u-Susan Sarandon njengomfelokazi omusha kungenye idrama ejabulisayo ephathelene nokubhekana nesizungu, ukukhathazeka kokungashadi, ukuthola uthando nokuqhubekela phambili.

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Lolu kholo lubalulekile. Ukholo olushintshayo luwukuphela olungaguquki, ukuthi uzophulukisa, ukuthi kukhona uthando ngaphandle, kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuthi injabulo yakho ayincikile ekutholeni uthando. Lolu kholo luzokunikeza isikhuthazo sokusebenzisa lezi ziphakamiso. Isiphakamiso ngasinye sikaShazia sizokusekela ekusebenzeni kwesinye. Yiba nokholo, injabulo isiseduze.

Uma ucabanga ukuthi ukwelulekwa kochwepheshe kuzokusiza ekubhekaneni nalokhu kukhathazeka ngokuthola uthando ngemuva kwesehlukaniso noma ukuphola futhi, i-Bonobology's iphaneli lochwepheshe kumane ngokuchofoza nje.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Kungenzeka yini ukuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso?

Yebo! Ukuthola indoda efanele ngemva kwesehlukaniso noma ukuthandana nowesifazane ofanele ngemva kwesehlukaniso kungenzeka ngokuphelele. Kubukeka kunzima ngenxa yemizwa yakho yamanje mayelana nothando nobudlelwano. Kuphinde kubonakale kunzima ngoba kungenzeka ukuthi ulahlekelwe ukuzethemba nokuzethemba. Ungase ugcwale ukungabi nathemba nokukhungatheka ngothando nobudlelwano. Kodwa nalokhu kuzodlula.

2.Kuyafaneleka yini ukuthandana ngemva kwesehlukaniso?

Yebo, kufanelekile ukuthandana ngemva kwesehlukaniso. Kodwa kufanele uqikelele ukuthi ungazingenisi ekuqomeni njenganoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuphindisela emuva noma ikhambi lokubhekana nesizungu. Ukuqomisana ngemva kwesehlukaniso kuwumbono omuhle uma usubuyise impilo yakho - ngokomzwelo, ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba. Beka phambili ukuphulukiswa kusukela ekuhlukumezekeni kokuhlukana nokuhlukana noma ukuhlukumezeka kwesehlukaniso ngaphambi kokugxumela emuva echibini lokuthandana.

3.Ubudlelwano bokuqala buhlala isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kwesehlukaniso?

Nakuba ngokuvamile kubonakala ukuthi ubuhlobo bokuqala ngemva kwesehlukaniso abuhlali isikhathi eside, lokho akudingekile ukuba kube njalo. Amathuba okuthola uthando ngemva kwesehlukaniso nokuthi lobo budlelwano buhlale isikhathi eside azoncika ekuzinzeni kwengqondo nezenhlalo yomuntu ohlukanisile ngaphambi kokuba baqale ukuthandana. Ubudlelwano obusha obuqala ngesimo sengqondo esinempilo sabo bobabili ababambiqhaza buyoba namathuba angcono okusinda.

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