Izindlela Eziyisi-9 Zokulungisa Umshado Ophukile Futhi Uwusindise

Ngisho nomshado ophelele ungagcina usunezinkinga ezithile epharadesi. Njengazo zonke ezinye izinto ekuphileni, umshado nawo awunakubikezelwa. Ingaphahlazeka njengengilazi yekristalu ngaphambi kokuthi uyiqaphele. "Ungawulungisa kanjani umshado ophukile?" umbuzo abantu abaningi abawubuzayo lapho befuna ukulungisa umshado wabo.

Lapho izinkinga ziqala ukuba mbi emshadweni, umbhangqwana ungase ukhethe ukukushaya indiva, noma ungase ungaboni ngisho nezinkinga obhekene nazo. Ngokungaguquguquki, kubangela ukuthi bobabili abalingani baqhelelane, bazizwe sengathi abakwazi ukuba nengxoxo nomunye.

Lapho isimo esinjalo sifika, ungase ushiywe uzamazama ukuze uthole impendulo “yendlela yokusindisa umshado obhidlikayo.” Ngosizo lwe-psychotherapist Snigdha Mishra (Isazi se-CBT ne-REBT esivela ku-Beck Institute, e-Philadelphia) ochwepheshe be-hypnotherapy kanye nokwelashwa kwenkululeko yomzwelo, ake sibheke ngokujulile ukuthi singenza kanjani ukulungisa umshado obhidlikile.

Ingabe Umshado Ophukile Ungalungiswa?

UJulie noPeter (amagama ashintshiwe) babeneminyaka engu-13 beshadile. Babenemisebenzi ephumelelayo, izingane ezithandekayo, indlu enkulu nabazali abesekayo. Bebebukeka njengezithandani ezithandana kakhulu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Kodwa uPeter wangena ebudlelwaneni obungokomzwelo nomuntu asebenza naye. UJulie, ecabanga ukuthi bangabangane abakhulu, akazange akhulume nokungabaza kwakhe noma abe nengxoxo evulekile noPeter.

Ngaphambi kokuba bazi, ukungakhulumisani kwabo kwase konakalisa ubuhlobo babo. Kodwa bobabili babefuna ukulungisa umshado owawubhidlikile futhi bangadivosi. UJulie wathi, “Kwadingeka nginqume ukuthi ngizowulwela yini umshado wami noma ngiwuyeke. Yebo, kunzima ukulungisa umshado wakho lapho ukwethembana kuphelile. Noma kunjalo, ngangifuna ukugxila kuzo zonke izinto ezinhle esasihlanganyela ngazo iminyaka engu-13 futhi ngilungise umshado wethu.

Uma kunezinkinga emshadweni, abantu bancamela ukugxumela emkhunjini bese bekhetha isehlukaniso. Kunokuba bazame ukulungisa izinkinga zabo, babedlula ebuhlungwini nasekuhlukumezekeni ukubhekana nesehlukaniso. Kulabo abangafuni ukuyeka okwamanje, ukubheka ngaphakathi futhi uthole impendulo yokuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado ophukile kuyisinyathelo sokuqala.

UDkt. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., umsunguli nomdali we-Save The Marriage kanye nombhali wencwadi Ungawugcina Kanjani Umshado Wakho Ngezinyathelo Ezi-3 Ezilula, imizamo yokwenza lula inqubo yokusindisa umshado wakho. Ngokusho kwakhe, kumayelana nokuguqula ubudlelwano bakho kanye nempilo yakho.

Uthi empeleni akulona iphutha labantu ukuthi umshado wabo usenkingeni ngoba bambalwa abantu abazi ukuthi umshado uyini ngempela. "Kungenzeka ukulungisa umshado wakho futhi awunzima njengoba abantu abaningi bewuzwakalisa."

Esethulweni sencwadi yakhe, Okunye Ukuzama, UGary Chapman uyabhala: “Lapho iminyango igeleza futhi amazwi athukuthele egeleza, lapho izinto zingahambi kahle, ngisho nalapho oshade naye esekucekele phansi ukwethembana, lisekhona ithemba.” Uma unomuzwa wokuthi umshado wakho usuzophela, noma ngisho noma senihlukene kakade, usengawuzama futhi umshado wakho.

Kalula nje, Ungakwazi ukulungisa umshado obhidlikayo. Ngisho noma bobabili abashadile bengenasithakazelo ekwenzeni umzamo we-100%, kungenzeka ukulungisa umshado ophukile wedwa. Kwesinye isikhathi ozakwethu baba nezinto eziningi abazibonayo uma behlukene. Bangase babone ngemva kwesikhashana ukuthi bafuna ukulungisa umshado obhidlikile ngemva kokuhlukana. Ngokuvamile, lokho kuqaphela kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibheke kule nqubo.

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Izindlela Eziyisi-9 Zokulungisa Umshado Ophukile Futhi Uwusindise

Lapho umshado udlula esigabeni esinzima, isehlukaniso asibhekwa njengesinqumo esisobala ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngisho nasemishadweni ehlukumezayo, abashadile babambelela ethembeni lokuthi abalingani babo bazoshintsha futhi bazokwazi ukusindisa umshado wabo. Abakudingayo yimpendulo yokuthi “uwulungisa kanjani umshado obhidlikile uwedwa”.

“Inkinga eyinhloko ewumsuka, nengalungiseka, iwukuthi bambalwa kakhulu abantu “abangokwemvelo” emshadweni,” kusho uPaul Friedman, umsunguli we-Marriage Foundation, owasuka ekubeni umlamuleli wesehlukaniso waba umlamuleli womshado ukuze asindise imishado. Ngakho, konke lokhu kufanele kufundwe. Uma kungenjalo, uzobe ubhakuzisa izingalo zakho ngezindlela zokudala kakhulu, kodwa awusoze wasuka phansi.

Ungase ube nenhloso yokulungisa umshado obhidlikile, kodwa ungase ungazi ukuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado obhidlikile. Sabuza Snigdha Uthi, “Kunezindlela ezihlukahlukene zokulungisa umshado obhidlika, kodwa ukuze kwenzeke bobabili abashadile kumelwe bazinikele emzamweni futhi balandele indlela efanele yokuxazulula izinkinga zabo.”

Ubala izinyathelo zokulungisa umshado obhidlika njengokuqonda izinkinga eziwumsuka, ukuqaphela izindima zomuntu ngamunye, ukubeka imingcele, ukukhungatheka ngokweqile ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzwelo, ukugxilisa ukuzazi ngokulinganiselwa komuntu ngamunye, ukudlulisela le mikhawulo kumuntu oshade naye, ukwelula ukulinganiselwa nokuzibophezela ekwakheni kabusha umshado.

Ngakho-ke, lezi zinyathelo zokulungisa umshado ophukile zihumusha kanjani ukhonkolo, izinyathelo ezibambekayo ongazithatha ukuze udlule izinkinga zakho futhi uvuselele i-chemistry yakho njengombhangqwana? Lezi zindlela ezingu-9 zokulungisa umshado ophukile ziphethe impendulo:

1. Qonda lapho izinto zonakele khona

Umshado ophumelelayo uwumsebenzi oqhubekayo. Kufanele wenze umzamo omkhulu ukuze ugcine umshado wakho unempilo, into abantu abaningi abangayiqondi. Umshado uyawohloka lapho kungekho ukukhulumisana, lapho uthando nothando seluphelile, noma kunezinkinga. Ukungathembeki kunomthelela omubi emshadweni.

Kodwa uma ufuna ukulungisa umshado ophukile futhi umise isehlukaniso, kuzodingeka uqale uqonde lapho ubuhlobo bakho behla khona futhi kungani kuwufanele ukulondoloza. Ucwaningo lwe-American Psychological Association luthi ama-20-40% ezehlukaniso e-United States zenzeka ngenxa yokungathembeki. Kodwa umbiko uphinde uthi u-50% we abalingani abangathembekile basashadile.

USnigdha uthi, “Ukulungisa umshado obhidlika ngemva kokukopela noma ngemva kwezinye izithiyo kuwukubona inkinga ekhungethe ukuxhumana kwakho.” Ngisho nasendabeni yokukopela, kuvame ukuba nezimbangela ezibangela imifantu emshadweni, okwenza kube nesikhala kumuntu wesithathu.

Ngokufanayo, izinkinga eziningi zomshado, kungaba ukulwa njalo, ukungahloniphi, noma ukucasuka emshadweni, ngokuvamile ziyizimpawu zenkinga ejulile. Ukuthola isizathu kungenye yezinyathelo zokuqala zokulungisa umshado obhidlikile.

2. Susa izinkolelo ezimbi futhi ubheke ngaphakathi

Ngeke awulalele umbono wami.” “Ngeke angisize ngemisebenzi yasekhaya, ungumyeni oyivila. Izinkolelo ezinjalo eziqinile nezingaqondile ngomunye nomunye zingasibhidliza isisekelo somshado ngaphandle kokuqaphela noma yimuphi umngane womshado. Ngakho, kunokuba ubambelele kulezi zinkolelo, sebenzela ukuziguqula.

I-Snigdha iphakamisa ukuhlola indima yakho ngayinye ekwandiseni izinkinga zakho zomshado. Uma usubonile futhi uvuma ukuthi nawe ube nesandla ekuwohlokeni kwekhwalithi yobudlelwano, kuba lula ukunqamula oshade naye ngenxa yamaphutha okubona noma ukushiyeka kwakhe.

Khona-ke, ungakwazi ukuveza ukuthi yiziphi izinguquko olindele ukuzibona kubo ukuze bathuthuke emizamweni yakho yokuvusa umshado. Ngokwesibonelo, ungase uzame kanzima ukwenza umkakho aqonde umbono wakho noma uzame ukutshela umyeni wakho ukuthi kumelwe nihlanganyele imisebenzi yasekhaya ukuze ukuphila kwenu kusebenze kahle.

Mhlawumbe akaboni nokuthi ukuntula kwakhe isithakazelo ekwenzeni imisebenzi kunomthelela omkhulu kangaka ebudlelwaneni. Lapho nje ekubona lokho, maningi amathuba okuthi azame ukukusiza. Uma ubumatasatasa ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho unemibono engemihle onayo ngomshado, ubungeke uze wazi ukuthi kwenzekani ngempela ekhanda lakhe.

Kuyini a umshado ophukile uma kungenjalo umphumela wokukhulumisana okuphihlizayo kanye nemizwa engafani? Zibuze, “Ingabe kufanele ngilwele umshado wami, noma ngiwuyeke?” Uma ufuna ukulwela umshado wakho shintsha izinkolelo zakho futhi uvulele izinqubo zokucabanga ezintsha, ukuhlaziya umlingiswa kanye nezinqubo ezintsha.

3. Ziqambe kabusha futhi ungabi lukhuni

Uma ufuna ukulungisa umshado obhidlikayo kumele uzibheke wena kuqala. Uguquko luyinto engaguquki kakhulu empilweni, futhi lolu shintsho aluthinti thina njengabantu kuphela kodwa nobudlelwano bethu.

Lapho umshado wakho uneminyaka eyishumi ubudala, awushintshile nje ngokomzimba kodwa nangokwengqondo. Ubungakhuphuka ileli lempumelelo, ube matasatasa, ube nokukhukhumala, ube nemibono eqinile… nakho konke okungenzeka ukuthi kungene ebudlelwaneni.

Njengoba umshado wakhe uthuthuka, uLinda (igama elishintshiwe) akabange esavumelana nezimo, futhi wayekholelwa ukuthi “cha” ngokuvamile kwakuhloselwe ukuzinika amandla nokubeka imingcele engokomzwelo. Kodwa bonke labo “cha” emicimbini yomndeni, amaphathi wabangane, uhambo lokuqwala izintaba kanye nobusuku bebha kugcine kudala isikhala ebudlelwaneni.

“Ngabona ukuthi sase sihlukene phakathi ngoba ngase ngiyekile ukuba naye ezindaweni ayefuna ngibe ngakuye.” Njengomfazi osemusha, ngangivumelana nezimo futhi ngihamba naye kaningi.Kodwa njengoba ukuphila kwakuqhubeka, angibanga naso isikhathi noma ukuthambekela kokuba lapho,” kusho uLinda.

USnigdha uthi, “Nakuba kubalulekile ukubeka imingcele lapho usindisa umshado obhidlika, le mingcele ayidingi futhi akufanele ibekwe njengesisekelo.

Lokhu kuvumelana nezimo kuzokusiza futhi ukuthi uzisungulele kabusha. Manje, ukuqamba kabusha kungasho izinto ezihlukile kubantu abahlukene, kusukela ekunikezeni lawo maphijama angakulingani kahle owagqokayo uma u-WFH kuya ekubeni ungaphikisani kakhulu, ukhulume kakhulu, ungaguquki, futhi ube nothando. Lezi zinyathelo, ezinkulu noma ezincane, zisiza ekulungiseni umshado wakho ophukile.

Ukuzitholela kabusha kungagcina kukusize kanjani ukwakha kabusha umshado obhidlikile, uyabuza? Nokho, okokuqala, ukuvivinya umzimba kungase nje ngcono impilo yakho yocansi. Cha, asisho ukuthi ucansi noma ukushaya ijimu kuzolungisa yonke into, kodwa njengoba uqala ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi uziqamba kabusha, uthola izizathu ezengeziwe zokukhululeka esikhumbeni sakho.

Lapho lokho kuqiniseka kubangela izimo zenjabulo nezinhleko ezengeziwe, ubuhlobo bakho nomngane wakho womshado buyozuza nakanjani. Zama ukuhlaziya amaphethini ayingozi okungenzeka uwasungulile futhi usebenzele ekubeni umuntu ophelele kancane kancane.

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4. Dlula ukugandeleleka ngokomzwelo ukuze uvuselele ukwethembana nokuhlonipha

Ukuthembana kuyalahleka uma kwenzeka ukungathembeki noma uma unomngane womshado onamanga. Ukuzama ukulungisa umshado wakho lapho ukwethembana kuphelile kungaba nzima kakhulu. Uzakwethu olahlekelwe ukwethenjwa kwakhe angazizwa egajwe umuzwa wokukhashelwa, intukuthelo nokulimala.

Ngokufanayo, umngane womshado oye waqamba amanga noma okhohlisayo angase abe neyakhe imizwelo engemihle, njengokuntula ukwaneliseka noma intukuthelo ngezinkinga zesikhathi esidlule ezingakaxazululwa.

USnigdha uthi, “Kubalulekile ukunqoba lo muzwa wokucindezelwa ngokomzwelo ukuze ukwazi ukulungisa umshado obhidlikayo. Hlela futhi unqobe imizwelo engemihle njengentukuthelo, ubuhlungu, ubuhlungu nokungathembani okungenzeka ukuthi ukukuzwa ngenxa yakho konke okonakele emshadweni wakho. Awukwazi ukuthuthuka ngomthwalo onzima kangaka ongokomzwelo.”

Ngaphandle kwalapho kusingathwa le mizwa engemihle futhi iyekwa esikhathini esidlule, bayoqhubeka bekhulisa amakhanda abo amabi njalo lapho umbhangqwana ubhekana nezinkinga emizamweni yawo yokwakha kabusha umshado.

Izithandani ezikwazile ukukhipha lo mthwalo ngenhloso yokusindisa umshado obhidlikayo zithi inzima le ndlela, kodwa kungenzeka. Ake sithi uzama ukulungisa umshado obhidlikile ngemva kokujola. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho owakwakho esebenzisa ucingo noma ephume sekwephuzile emsebenzini othile wasehhovisi, ungase ukhathazeke noma usole ukuthi bazokwehla ngomgwaqo ofanayo futhi.

Yebo, kuwela kumlingani wokukopela ukukukholisa ukuthi bahlanzekile, kodwa nawe kufanele akhe kabusha ukwethembana futhi ukushiye emuva ukukhohlisa futhi ungacabangi ngakho. Udinga ukusebenzela umshado wakho ngemva kokukopela. Uma umkakho ekudelela, kungase kube nzima ukubuyisela leyo nhlonipho. Kodwa ngaphandle kwawo, awukwazi ukulungisa umshado wakho ophukile.

Njengoba uJulie noPeter banquma ukwenza konke ababengakwenza ukuze bagcine umshado wabo uqhubeka ngemva kokuthandana kwakhe okungokomzwelo, babona ukuthi kwakuzodingeka bayeke imizwelo ababeyinamathisele ekungathembeki. UJulie uthi: “Ukuzama ukulungisa umshado wakho ngemva kokuhlukana kokwethembana akulula, kufanele nginqobe ukukhathazeka okukhona, futhi naye ulwa nomuzwa wecala wabakhohlisi. 

Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukuthatha ikhefu elincane nokuchitha isikhathi ningekho kungasiza ekuvuseleleni ukwethembana nenhlonipho ebuhlotsheni. Isikhathi sakho uwedwa sikuvumela ukuthi uhlole isimo ngombono omusha.

5. Okuhle kobudlelwane ngokuhambisana nemikhawulo yomuntu ngamunye

Phakathi nokukhokha lezo zikweletu, ukuthenga igilosa, ukukhokha imali yendlu, ukunakekela izingane, nokuxabana njalo, sivame ukukhohlwa okuhle ebudlelwaneni bethu. Silokhu sikhuluma ngezinto ezingezinhle futhi sicabanga ukuthi umshado uyabhidlika.

Ngisho noma ufuna ukulungisa umshado obhidlikile wedwa, faka zonke izinto ezinhle zomshado wakho edayari futhi ubheke nsuku zonke njengesikhumbuzo salokho osunakho.

UDennis wahlukana nomkakhe u-Esther (amagama ashintshiwe) ngemva kweminyaka engu-5 eshadile. “Manje, lapho ngibheka emuva, ngivame ukumamatheka ngicabanga ngezikhathi ezihlekisayo, nokunakekela nokukhathazeka esasinakho ngomunye nomunye.” Kodwa ngangingaboni ngaso linye ngaleso sikhathi kangangokuthi zonke lezi zinkumbulo ezinhle azizange zifike kimi ngaleso sikhathi.

“Ngifuna ukulungisa umshado wami nomyeni wami, kodwa kwakubonakala sengathi asikwazi ukuxoxa.” Lapho okwakusele kuyizinkumbulo zokulwa, kwakubonakala sengathi kwakuyiphutha,” kusho u-Esther.

USnigdha uthi le nqubo kufanele ihlanganiswe nokuqonda imikhawulo yakho yomuntu ngamunye. “Lapho uthatha izinyathelo zokulungisa umshado ophukile, ukuzazi ngokulinganiselwa kwakho siqu, kungaba ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, ngokwezimali, noma ngokomoya, kunendima ebalulekile.

"Ngasikhathi sinye, bobabili abashadile kufanele bafunde ukwelula le mikhawulo futhi bazimisele ukufaka izinguquko ezibalulekile kumlingani wabo wokuphila. Kukuvumela ukuthi udale indawo enempilo lapho bobabili abalingani bengaphumelela njengabantu ngabanye kanye neyunithi, "uyanezela.

6. Khomba ukuthi ulwa ngani

Kwesinye isikhathi izimpi ziba yingxenye yomshado bese kuba yinjwayelo, kangangoba emva kwesikhathi esithile, ungazi nokuthi ulwa ngani. Khumbula impi enkulu enanayo eyaqala ngokukhononda ngabasekhweni, kodwa ngandlela thize yafinyelela ekutheni anikaze nibonisane kanjani ngesikhathi nithatha izinqumo? Ukuxazulula izingxabano ephuma ngefasitela.

Kukhona ukuhluka kwemibono futhi umzuzwana olandelayo, intukuthelo iyandiza. Izimpi zingasukela kokuthile okungasho lutho njengezinga lokushisa le-air-conditioner noma ubani owendlala umbhede ekuseni aye kokuthile okubucayi njengokubhalelana komngane womshado ngokungaphezi phakathi nobusuku.

Uma ukhomba ukuthi ulwa ngani ungaqeda izimpi ezingasho lutho. Okuzodingeka ukuthi uhlale uzolile futhi uthathe isinqumo sokungangeni engxabanweni. Izimpi zingabuqeda ubudlelwano kodwa uma uqeda ukuxabana okungadingekile, ungalungisa umshado wakho obhidlikile futhi uwusindise onqenqemeni.

Nali icebiso elisheshayo, ngokuzayo lapho omunye wenu eba nosuku olubi futhi ekhuluma ngalo, buza ukuthi uhloselwe ukulalela yini noma uma oshade naye efuna izixazululo. Ngokucabanga ukuthi udinga ukuxazulula izinkinga zabo ngaso sonke isikhathi, ungase ubatshele ungaqondile ukuthi awucabangi ukuthi bangakwazi ukuxazulula izinkinga zabo.

Lapho izimpi ezincane ezibangelwa lutho seziqediwe, ukuqonda indlela yokulungisa umshado obhidlikile kuba lula kakhulu.

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7. Buyisa ukuxhumana

Ukuphinde uhlangane nomngane womshado kubalulekile, kodwa kungase kugcine kuyiyona nto enzima kakhulu ukuyenza. Inhlansi elahlekile isho ukulahlekelwa ukuxhumana, uthando, nokusondelana. Lapho ubuhlobo bungasekho emshadweni, uba njengabantu ababili ongabazi abahlala ndawonye ngaphansi kophahla olulodwa futhi basebenze njengeziqhingi ezimbili ezihlukene.

Nini intukuthelo ingena ebuhlotsheni, ungase ubone ukuthi akulula ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho njengoba kwakunjalo ngaphambili. Kodwa kungenzeka ukuvuselela lokho kuxhumana uma kunomzamo othile kubo bobabili abashadile noma ngisho nakumngane oyedwa womshado.

U-Snigdha uthi, noma ngabe uzama ukulungisa umshado ophukile ngemva kokuqomisana noma ngenxa yokunye ukungezwani, ukubeka phambili ukuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye kuyimfuneko. “Lo mkhuba kumelwe ubhekwe njengongcwele futhi uhlonishwe naphezu kwazo zonke ezinye izingcindezi zokuphila kwansuku zonke.

“Ake sithi, umbhangqwana unquma ukuchitha ihora ndawonye ngokukhethekile ngezimpela-sonto kungaba ngekhofi noma ngezinsuku zokudla kwakusihlwa.Futhi ngempelasonto eyodwa abakwazi ukwenza kanjalo ngenxa yezinhlelo ezimatasa noma umlingani oyedwa ongatholakali. Ezimweni ezinjalo, okubaluleke kakhulu, kubalulekile ukuthi omunye umlingani angambambele igqubu lowo okukhanselwe icebo ngenxa yakhe.

Uyanezela: “Ngasikhathi sinye, bobabili abashadile kumelwe bazame ukulivala leli thuba.

Ukuzama ukuvuselela lokho kuxhumana kungase futhi kusho ukuqalisa kabusha isiko lekhofi lasekuseni, ukudlala ithenisi ndawonye ngezimpelaviki, noma ukupheka ndawonye ekhishini... Uma ubucabanga okuthile mayelana nokuthi “Ngifuna ukulungisa umshado wami nomkami, kodwa angisakwazi ukukhuluma naye,” chitha isikhathi esithile esihle nomngane wakho womshado futhi nibazi ngokuphindaphindiwe.

Kungenzeka ukuthi nisathandana, kodwa mhlawumbe usukhohliwe ukuthi ungakubonisa kanjani lokho. Uma kunjalo, udinga ukwakha kabusha ukuxhumana kanye nezothando ezilahlekile ngokuphelele. Ungalokothi dela uthando, ukuhlela isikhathi somunye kungasiza ukulungisa lowo monakalo.

8. Sebenza emshadweni

Kuhlale kuthiwa umshado wumsebenzi. Kufanele uqhubeke usebenza kuyo ukuze uqinisekise ukuthi isebenza njengomshini ogcotshwe kahle. Kodwa njengoba wazi manje, lokhu kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Ngisho nangokugxila ezinganeni kuphela futhi ningahleleli isikhathi somunye nomunye, umshado ungase wehle. Uzobe usubhekana nesimo ucabanga ukuthi, “ngingawulungisa kanjani umshado obhidlikile?”

Ungase ucabange nokuthi ubusebenzela umshado. Kungenzeka ukuthi uke wazama nokuqala ingxoxo, kodwa uma lokho kungatheli izithelo eziningi, kungenzeka uhlale wazi ukuthi wenze “okungcono kakhulu” kwakho. Kungenzeka ukuthi nawe wenza izinto ezimbalwa ezingalungile, njengokucabanga ukuthi umzamo wakho omkhulu wokuthola indlela yokulungisa umshado obhidlikile uthi “Singakwazi ukukhuluma?” isikhathi esisodwa.

Ubungase uthuthele edolobheni ukuze uthole umsebenzi ongcono futhi ubuhlobo bakho ngokuzumayo baba ibanga elide. Ngenkathi umngane womshado edonsa kanzima nezingane ekhaya, wena wahlala endaweni entsha, ujabulela ukuphila edolobheni elisha futhi wenza abangane abasha.

Uthumele i-Skype futhi wafona, njalo ufaka imali ku-akhawunti ehlanganyelwe, futhi uvakashele ekhaya nyanga zonke. Ngandlela-thile, awuzange uqaphele ukuthi owakwakho waqala kanjani ukuzizwa ehlukanisiwe ebudlelwaneni aze aqale ukukhuluma ngesehlukaniso.

Ukusebenza emshadweni akusho ukugcina i-façade ye umshado ojabulisayo ephila. Imayelana nokujula kuyo futhi uqonde ukuthi yini eyiphethe. Kulokho, kudingeka umzamo owengeziwe kunalokho abashadile abavame ukukwenza.

Kodwa uma ufuna ukulungisa umshado ophukile futhi umise isehlukaniso kufanele ubeke umzamo we-200% wokusebenza emshadweni.

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9. Hlanganyelani ndawonye

Lapho abantu ababili beqala ukukhukhuleka bayayeka ukuzihlanganisa nabangane nezihlobo zabo. Kodwa uma ufuna ukulungisa umshado wakho obhidlikile, ukuzihlalela nabangane kubalulekile. Kungaba isikhumbuzo sokuthi ubudlelwano bakho bebunjani ngenkathi useduze kwabo.

Futhi, kungakusiza ukuthi ulahle ezinye zezithiyo oye wazenza eduze komunye nomunye. Uma uhleka futhi uzihlalele nabangane bakudala, ungaba nguwe ngempela. Abangane bangaba usekelo olukhulu futhi ohambweni lwakho lokulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile.

USnigdha uthi, “Lapho usebenzela ukwakha kabusha umshado wakho, kumelwe ugweme inqubo yokucabanga ethi ‘kungani kufanele ngenze lokhu noma lokhuya komngane wami womshado kuyilapho nginesithakazelo.’ Ngokwesibonelo, uma oshade naye efuna ukuba nidle isidlo sakusihlwa nabangane bakhe, ungayenqabi ucabanga ukuthi ‘ngizokwenzelani?’ Kufanele uvume ukuthi leso senzo singasho ukuthini kumlingani wakho Yilapho ukwelula ukulinganiselwa kwakho kungena khona.

Ukuzijabulisa kuphinde kuninikeze ithuba lokugqoka nindawonye, ​​nincomane, nihlale emotweni eyodwa nihambe niye endaweni niye kuyo ndawonye ningene ephathini njengombhangqwana. Kungase kwengeze lokho buhle ubudlelwano bakho obushodayo njengamanje.

Cha, akulula njengokungena nje ephathini nophathina wakho, ngethemba lokuthi kuzokwenza izimanga ebudlelwaneni benu. Njengoba kwenzeka kuwo wonke amanye amaphuzu kulolu hlu, ukuhlangana ndawonye kuyisitebhisi esibheke ekubuyisaneni. Ngisho noma ucabanga ukuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado ophukile ngemva kokuhlukana, ukuzijabulisa ndawonye kungase kukusize ufike lapho.

Uma nobabili nizibophezela ekwenzeni amandla enu abe ngcono kakhulu, akukho okunivimbayo ekubuyeleni ekuxhumekeni enake nakwazi ukwabelana ngakho nowakwakho. Manje njengoba usunombono ofanele wokuthi yini okufanele uyenze, ake sibhekane nombuzo olandelayo onengqondo: ungawulungisa umshado obhidlikile ngaphandle kokwelulekwa?

Ingabe Kungenzeka Ukulungisa Umshado Ophukile Ngaphandle Kokwelulekwa?

Ukuthi uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado obhidlikile uwedwa noma usebenza nomlingani wakho, umbuzo wokwelulekwa noma ukwelashwa kombhangqwana iyeza. Kungenzeka yini ukulungisa umshado obhidlika ngaphandle kokwelulekwa? Noma ungakwazi yini ukuthola izindlela zokulungisa umshado obhidlika uwedwa?

U-Snigdha uthi impendulo incike ngokuphelele ezimweni zakho. “Okokuqala, uma umuntu efuna ukulungisa umshado obhidlikayo ngaphandle kokululekwa, kufanele ahlole ukuthi yena nowakwakhe banawo yini amakhono adingekayo ukuze banqobe izinkinga zabo.Usizo lwangaphandle luba lubalulekile ngoba isikhathi esiningi imibhangqwana ayinawo umbono oqondile odingekayo ukuze babone futhi baxazulule amafindo ezinkinga zomshado.

“Akuphoqelekile ukuthi usizo lwangaphandle lube ngendlela yokwelulekwa noma yokwelashwa.Kodwa ukungenelela okungachemile okuvela eceleni kungasiza kakhulu.Kudingeka umsebenzi omningi ukulungisa umshado obhidlikayo.Ukuzinikela kokuqhubeka nokwenza lowo msebenzi akulula.Ithonya langaphandle lingakusiza ukuthi uhlale usendleleni.

“Yebo, akusiyo into engalindelekile ukuba imibhangqwana inqobe izinkinga zayo ngokwazo.Nokho-ke, lokho akunakwenzeka.Kuya emakhonweni abo bobabili abalingani, izinkinga abazama ukuzinqoba, nobukhulu bezingqinamba umshado oye waba nazo nokuthi uzokwazi yini ukuhlukana nazo.

“Kwesinye isikhathi ukungezwani ngokomzwelo, ngokwengqondo, kwezomnotho noma ngokomoya phakathi kwabashadile kugqama kakhulu kangangokuthi ukuba sekhasini elilodwa kuba yinselele.Nalapha futhi ukungenelela okuvela eceleni kungasiza.

"Uma ukuqeqeshwa nokwelulekwa kungenzeki kuwe, ungabheka ezinye izindlela zokulungisa umshado obhidlikile. Ziningi izincwadi nezincwadi ongaphendukela kuzo ukuze uthole usizo."

Kudinga umzamo omkhulu, isikhathi, nokubekezela ukuhambisa izindaba ezidlule. Kungase kuthathe unyaka, iminyaka emibili, noma ngisho neminyaka emithathu ukuze umshado wakho uphole futhi niphinde nidale i-chemistry njengombhangqwana. Ukuze ube kulo isikhathi eside kangaka kudinga izinga elikhulu lokuqiniseka kubo bobabili abalingani ukuthi umshado wabo empeleni mkhulu kunezinkinga zabo.

Kungenzeka ukulungisa ubuhlobo bakho obuphukile futhi usindise umshado wakho. Isinyathelo sokuqala esihle sokulungisa umshado wakho ukukhuluma nabeluleki, ukufunda izincwadi noma ukukhuluma nabangane abalungise imishado yabo futhi bathathe izeluleko zabo. Ungabuyisela ubudlelwano bakho esimeni uma wazi ukuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado obhidlikile uwedwa noma nophathina wakho. Uma njengamanje udinga umeluleki wemishado ukuze akusize kulesi sikhathi esinzima, iBonobology ine inqwaba yabanolwazi thababulali uzimisele ukukusiza.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.