Ukubhekana Nesithukuthezi Emshadweni? Izindlela Eziyi-10 Zokunqoba

Lapho abantu ababili beshada, ithemba liwukuthi iyohlala phakade. Futhi ekuqaleni, kubonakala kunengqondo kakhulu. Usenkathini ye-honeymoon, futhi yonke into ibukeka iyinhle. Manje qhubekela phambili eminyakeni embalwa phansi komzila futhi izinto zibonakala zishintsha; isithukuthezi emshadweni siyangena futhi izinto ezincane ebezibonakala zingenamandla manje seziphenduka umsebenzi. Ingabe lokhu kuyakhala? Awu, akuwena wedwa.

Ucwaningo luveza ukuthi enye yezimbangela eziphambili zokungathembeki ebudlelwaneni isithukuthezi. Ukucikeka ebudlelwaneni kufana nesilonda. Futhi uma singelashwa, lesi silonda singakhula futhi kulimaze ubuhlobo ngendlela engenakulungiseka. Ngakho-ke, yini okufanele uyenze lapho umshado wakho uyisicefe? Ingabe likhona ikhambi? Ngenhlanhla, yebo. Kodwa okokuqala, ake sijule ngezizathu zokuthi kungani umuntu enesithukuthezi emshadweni?

Kungani Nginesizungu Emshadweni Wami?

Iminyaka embalwa yokuqala yomshado iyamangalisa. Seniyazana. Ukufunda izinto ezintsha ngomunye nomunye. Ukuthola izinto ezingezinhle zozakwenu futhi uthole ukuthi yini emenza aphawule, kuwubuhle bentokozo yomshado. Ngisho noma behlukene, ucabanga ngabo bese unamahloni, noma ugigitheke ukhumbula leso sikhathi lapho beshayisana khona odongeni ngenkathi bekubuka. Kumnandi, kusha, futhi kuyadakisa.

Ngokuhamba kwezinsuku, ubusha bobudlelwano buqala ukufiphala kancane. Uzinza enkambisweni yakho futhi ukwazi ngisho nokubikezela ezingeni elithile ukuthi umuntu uzosabela kanjani ezintweni ezithile nokuthi yiziphi izinto eziyimbangela yazo. Futhi manje, ama-quirks abo awasazizwa exakile kakhulu. Uma ngikhuluma iqiniso, izinto ziqala ukubonakala zicasula. Futhi kukho konke lokhu, impilo iyenzeka. Ingcindezi evela emsebenzini, emndenini, ezinganeni, iqala ukubamba. Uqala ukubeka phambili ezinye izici zempilo yakho kunomlingani wakho. Nezinto ezincane enakwenzelana zona ziyekeni. Ngaphambi kokuba wazi, uqala ukuzizwa sengathi unamathele kulo mkhuba ovamile wokuphila komshado oyisicefe.

Ngakho-ke, uma ngolunye usuku oluhle uhlaselwa umcabango othi “umshado wami uyabhora”, ngikholelwe, akuwena wedwa oke waba nalo mcabango. I-Monotony ingenye yezizathu zokukhuphuka kwe izinkinga emshadweni. Lapho, usuku nosuku udlula emjikelezweni ofanayo wemisebenzi, okhona ukusuka kolunye usuku kuye kolunye, nakanjani uzosutha.

Umshado ungenye yezinto ezimbalwa ekuphileni ezivame ukudinga ukugxila nokunakwa okwengeziwe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukuze umshado usebenze, bobabili abashadile kudingeka benze umzamo. Kungenzeka ukuthi ungase ucabange ukuthi konke kuhamba kahle, kodwa umlingani wakho uzizwa ngenye indlela. Ezimweni ezinjalo, umuntu udinga ukugcina umqondo ovulekile futhi abheke izimpawu zesithukuthezi emshadweni.

Izimpawu Zokubhebhana Emshadweni

Uma usebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside, kungokwemvelo ukuzinza esimisweni esintofontofo. Nakuba lokhu kuzinza kuzwakala kumangalisa, kungase kufike isikhathi, lapho izinto zingase zishintshe kancane ezingase zikwenze uzizwe ungaphumuli kancane. Uma kwenzeka uzithola uzibuza ukuthi “Ingabe nginesithukuthezi emshadweni wami?”, khona-ke nazi ezinye izimpawu ezingakusiza uphendule umbuzo.

1. Ukulwa njalo

Bonke ubudlelwano bunokungezwani futhi kujwayelekile ukuthi kwesinye isikhathi lokhu kungaboni ngaso linye kungaphenduka izimpi ezigcwele. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sicabangela kangakanani futhi sizama kanzima kangakanani ukuxoxa ngezindaba esikhundleni sokuzenza izingxabano, cishe akunakwenzeka ukuhlala sikhumbula ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Kodwa-ke, uma lezi zingxabano ziningi kakhulu, kuze kube yilapho ubona ukuthi nilwa cishe zonke izinsuku nomlingani wakho, kuwuphawu lwempilo yomshado eyisicefe futhi lezi. izingxabano zingasho inhlekelele ebuhlotsheni bakho. Ubudlelwano budinga ukuzibophezela okukhulu futhi ngezinye izikhathi bungase buqale ukuzizwa bunemingcele kancane. Lokhu kungamkhungathekisa umuntu. Ukwakheka kwalo muzwa ongemuhle kungenza umuntu athathele izinyathelo ezincane ezindabeni ezincane kakhulu.

2. Sayina umshado wami uyabhora: Ukuthula

UStella wayebuka lo mbhangqwana kwelinye itafula esidlweni. Wabona ukuthi phakathi nesikhathi sokudla abashadile babengakhulumisani, omunye walunguza efasiteleni omunye ephenya ocingweni lwakhe. Ngaleso sikhathi, wathembisa uBrian ukuthi ngeke babe umbhangqwana oyisicefe owawuphelelwe amazwi.

Ngeshwa, iminyaka engu-6 emshadweni wakhe uStella wazithola esesimweni esifanayo. Ehlezi ekugcineni kwedina nomyeni wakhe. Futhi ngesikhathi sokudla umyeni wakhe wayepheqa ucingo lwakhe. Akazange akhulume lutho ngaphandle kwalapho emcela ukuba adlulise usawoti.

Kungaba kuhle ukuthula. Uyazi ukuthi ukhululekile uma ungumuntu ongenawo ugqozi lokuvala amazwi noma imisebenzi. Ukukwazi ukuthokozela ukuba khona komuntu ngokuthula ngaphandle kokuthi kube nzima kuyingqophamlando ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho, uma ukuthula kugolide kakhulu, pho kungani kuthiwa ngibhorekile emshadweni wami?

Kungokwemvelo ukuthi uphelelwe yizindaba ongazitshela umlingani wakho futhi kuvamile ukuthi ungabi nalutho ongaxoxa ngalo ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa lapho lezi zithulo ziqhubeka phakathi nezinsuku; lapho ungasiboni isidingo sokukhuluma ngosuku lwakho noma ungakhulumi nomuntu wakho ngoba engeke akuqonde noma uzwa sengathi ingxoxo izophindaphinda, ngakho-ke akusizi ngalutho ukukhuluma, yilapho uyazi ukuthi ubuhlobo benu busengozini emanzini futhi sekuyisikhathi sokufuna indlela yokunqoba isicefe emshadweni.

3. Uma ubhorekile emshadweni, nekamelo lokulala liyabanda

Izinyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala emshadweni izinto zijabulisa kakhulu ekamelweni. Anikwazi ukwanelana futhi ningakwazi ukugcina izandla zenu kuwena. Niyahlolana futhi ingcindezi yocansi ingaphezu kwalokho ungasinqamula ngommese. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi lesi sidingo esiphuthumayo sokuba nophathina wakho siyehla. Futhi ithatha isici esingaguquguquki kancane ukusondelana okubaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni.

Kodwa, lapho amasonto edlula futhi kungekho senzo ekamelweni noma ubulili buba umsebenzi okufanele uwenze ngokushesha noma uma konke ukuhlangana kocansi kuphenduka i-quickie, khona-ke awulungile ngokucabanga ukuthi, "Umshado wami uyabhora." Okwenzeka ekamelweni kuzokunika umbono wokuthi umuntu uzizwa kanjani.

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4. Ngeke ukhathazeke ngokuzama

Ukuze ubudlelwano busebenze, bobabili abathintekayo kufanele benze umzamo. Futhi umshado awuhlukile kulo mthetho. Ekuqaleni, nenza konke okusemandleni enu ukulungisa izinto phakathi kwenu. Uyaxhumana futhi uveze indlela ozizwa ngayo. Uphuma endleleni yakho ukuze ube inguqulo engcono kakhulu yakho. Unikeza ubudlelwano okungcono kakhulu kwakho.

Kodwa-ke, akunakwenzeka ukuthi uhlale ukhumbula futhi umbhangqwana ungase ukhululeke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni futhi uzame ukugcina inhlansi iphila futhi iqale. ukuthatha umlingani wakho kalula. Uyayeka ukuchitha isikhathi esihle nobabili noma uma nixabene nilala nicasukile esikhundleni sokuhlala phansi nikuxazulule. Uma ubhorekile emshadweni uyeka ukwenza izinto ezincane ebezijabulisa isithandwa sakho, ngoba manje sekungathi wumsebenzi.

5. Uba nokungaphumuli uma ubhorekile emshadweni

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezisobala zesithukuthezi emshadweni umuzwa wokungahlaliseki ebudlelwaneni benu. Uma uqala ukuba nemicabango mayelana nokukopela noma ukufuna izindlela zokubalekela umngane wakho womshado futhi uhlanganyele nalowo muntu osebenza naye okhangayo, sekuyisikhathi sokuzihlola futhi uzibuze ukuthi ingabe ubhekene nesithukuthezi ebuhlotsheni.

Uzibuza ukuthi ungasinqoba kanjani isithukuthezi, ungase uqale ukufuna injabulo ngaphandle kobudlelwano. Ukuhlala njalo ebusuku kwabafana/kwamantombazane noma ukusebenza ebusuku kakhulu nsuku zonke kuyizindlela zakho zokubalekela umbuzo othi “Kungani nginesithukuthezi emshadweni wami?”

Iqiniso lendaba ukuthi isithukuthezi emshadweni kuyinto edabukisayo kodwa evame kakhulu emishadweni eminingi. Futhi thina ngezindlela zethu ezincane sizama ukulwa nakho. Kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi ngaphandle kokuthi sifinyelele ekugcineni kokuthi "kungani nginesizungu emshadweni wami?", futhi "singabulungisa kanjani lobu budlelwano obunezinkinga?”, asikwazi ngempela ukuqeda isithukuthezi.Futhi zonke izinto esizama ukuzenza zizomane zisebenze njengebhendi, zifihle inkinga okwesikhashana esikhundleni sokuqeda inkinga.Ngakho, uma uzibuza ukuthi ungayinqoba kanjani isithukuthezi, nanka amacebiso ambalwa azokusiza.

Izindlela Eziyi-10 Zokunqoba Isicefe Emshadweni Wakho

Ubuhle bomshado yizinga lokunethezeka nokujwayela okutholayo. Ukwazi ukuthi uzothandwa akuhambisani neqiniso lokuthi usunesikhathi eside ungayigundi imilenze yakho. Kodwa, uma leli zinga lokunethezeka lithathwa kalula yilapho izinkinga ziqala khona.

Kunomugqa omncane kakhulu ohlukanisa ukukhululeka nokuba nesithukuthezi. Uma umuntu enethezekile, uyajabula ngalokho anakho futhi akafuni ukukushintsha. Kodwa-ke, lapho umuntu ebhekene nesithukuthezi ebuhlotsheni, usuke efuna into entsha nejabulisayo. Uma uba nomuzwa wokuthi ubuhlobo benu buyaphela, nazi ezinye izinto ongazenza ngakho.

1. Indlela yokunqoba isithukuthezi? Shintsha umbono wakho

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi abantu baklanywe ngendlela yokuthi abaneliseki ngokuphelele ngalokho abanakho. Ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ubudlelwano, kuyohlale kufika iphuzu, lapho uzozwa ukuthi ubudlelwano sebuphelelwe yisikhathi. Futhi ukuthi indlela eya phambili ayizuzi ngakho, kodwa idlula kuyo.

Umshado uyizindlela ezimbili futhi nobabili kudingeka nizikhandle ukwenza ubudlelwano busebenze, eshisa amalahle ngaphambi kokuba umlilo ucime ngokuphelele. Ubuhlobo bakho bunothando, ukulondeka, nenduduzo, izinto okufanele uzaziswe futhi ubambelele kuzo. Isibopho owabelana ngaso nomlingani wakho sihle futhi sifanelwe ukubongwa nokugcinwa.

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2. Ungaqhathanisi ubuhlobo bakho

Abukho ubudlelwano obungenasici. Uma ubheka ezinye izithandani ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi imishado yazo ingcono kunowakho. Khumbula, utshani buhlala bubonakala buluhlaza ngakolunye uhlangothi.

Yebo, uMatt noLucy babambana izandla futhi bahambe ngisho nangemva kweminyaka engu-30 beshadile futhi kubonakala kunothando kakhulu. Kodwa uyambona uLucy unesifo sokuwohloka komqondo futhi uma uMatt engase adedele isandla sakhe, maningi amathuba okuthi alahleke esixukwini.

Futhi isizathu esenza ukuthi u-Dom ayise uMary yonke indawo ukuthi unezinkinga zokumethemba futhi ukhathazekile ngokuthi uMary uyamkhohlisa, ngakho unesidingo esikhulu sokumbheka. Okubonayo akuyona indaba yangempela njalo. Bonke ubudlelwano buhlukile ngesethi yabo yezinkinga. Akusizi ukuqhathanisa ezakho nezabo.

3. Zisebenzele wena

Iphutha elikhulu umuntu alenzayo kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano ukuthi abambe umlingani wakhe onecala ngenjabulo yakhe. Ngiyazi, uma uthanda umuntu, ubeka izidingo zakhe ngaphezu kwezakho. Futhi lokho kuhle ngokuphelele ezingeni elithile. Kodwa lapho amaphupho nezifiso zakho zihlala zithatha isihlalo esingemuva, uzizwa ungezwakali futhi ungabongwa. Lezi izinkinga zibangela ukucasuka okuyinto elimaza ubuhlobo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Nawe uyingxenye yalo mshado, ingxenye ebaluleke kakhulu. Uma ungajabulile, awukwazi ukujabulisa omunye umuntu nawe. Ukuzithanda kubaluleke kakhulu. Zisebenzele futhi ukhule uma uzizwa uphila impilo yomshado eyisicefe. Yiba ushintsho.

4. Hamba izinsuku zokubulala isicefe emshadweni

Ngiyazi, ngiyazi, i-epitome yama-clichés. Kodwa nansi into, kunesizathu sokuthi kungani lokhu kuyi-cliché. Uma ngithi hamba ngezinsuku, angiqondile ukuya phezulu ukwenza izinto ngokushukuma komzimba okuhle noma kusihlwa e-Paris ngendiza yangasese (yize uma ungakwenza lokho, ngeke sikhononde nakanjani). Kunalokho, ngiqonde ukuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye, ​​nina nobabili nje.

Kungaba ukuhlangana ukuze uthole ikhofi ngenkathi uthatha ikhefu emsebenzini. Noma ngisho nesidlo sakusihlwa endaweni yokudlela enhle. Ungakwazi ngisho nokuhlela usuku ekhaya lapho izingane zisendaweni yokulala. Khipha i-china ehamba phambili, gqoka okuthile okuhle, sebenzisa leyo cologne, futhi uhlele (kubi ukulindela ukuthi othile azopheka ngobusuku bedethi). Umqondo uwukuzinika isikhathi sokuba ndawonye. Isikhathi nje sokubukana emehlweni ngaphandle kokuthi izingane zibe nokucindezeleka ngenxa yokungakwazi ukubuka ikhathuni ezizithandayo.

Yizinto ezincane ezibalulekile. Ukubona umlingani wakho enza uhlobo olunjalo umzamo ebudlelwaneni ngoba uthinta inhliziyo futhi ususa ukucasuka kanye nesithukuthezi ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kwe-equation.

5. Faka izinongo ekamelweni

Isithukuthezi sobulili sihlupha imibhangqwana eminingi ngesikhathi esithile emshadweni wayo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, abantu bawela emaphethini ocansi amisiwe futhi lezi zinyathelo ezanyiwe zahlolwa ziletha ukuntengantenga esenzweni ngokwaso. Ukwenza kungajabulisi kuze kufike ephuzwini kuqala ukuzizwa njengomsebenzi, esikhundleni sesenzo sokusondelana.

Uma usuqalile ukuzibuza, "Yini okufanele uyenze lapho umshado wami uyisicefe?", Ukuxubha izinto ekamelweni kuzosiza kakhulu. Khuluma nomlingani wakho, xoxani ngezindlela ezintsha zokujabulisana komunye nomunye, xoxani ngemicabango, zama imidlalo yezocansi noma ukudlala indima ethile. Ziningi izinto ongazenza ukuze ubuyise injabulo nenjabulo empilweni yakho yomshado eyisicefe.

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6. Yenzani noma nifunde okuthile okusha ndawonye

UChris wayethanda ukuthi uPenny wayezimele njengomuntu. Akazange azihluphe ngemininingwane emincane. Ubusuku babafana abuzange bube yinkinga futhi wayengafuni ukumaka njalo lapho ephuma endlini. Bonke abangani bakhe babenomona ngendlela enomfazi opholile ngayo. Baphila izimpilo ezihlukene futhi wayejabule kakhulu ngakho.

Nokho, muva nje, baqale ukuba nezingxabano eziningi futhi ngesizathu esithile, akakwazanga ukudlula kuye. Njengoba izinsuku zihamba, ubuhlobo baqala ukuzizwa bunzima kakhulu. Kwaze kwathi ngolunye usuku emva kokubukisisa kakhulu, wabona ukuthi akasazi lutho ngomkakhe. Iyiphi indawo ayeyithanda kakhulu i-hangout, owayengumngane wakhe omkhulu! Lutho. UChris waqaphela ukuthi babenjalo ukuhlukana emshadweni wabo isikhathi eside kakhulu. Futhi kwase kuyisikhathi sokulungisa izinto.

Ngemva kwezingxoxo eziningi nokubuyela emuva naphambili, uChris noPenny banquma ukufunda i-tango. Behleka ngenxa yokuxakaniseka komunye nomunye ngesikhathi befunda iminyakazo yokudansa evusa inkanuko, isigqi sengoma, umsindo womculo, baqala ukuhlangana. Futhi ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, inhlansi yayibuyile emshadweni wabo.

7. Yenza ukuphila ngaphandle komshado wakho

Uma kubalulekile ukuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho, ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukunikeza umlingani wakho indawo. Imibhangqwana ehlangene enqulwini ekuqaleni komshado wayo, iqala ukuzizwa isithukuthezi emshadweni ngokushesha futhi. Njengoba uGeoffrey Chaucer esho, "ukujwayelana kudala indelelo".

Nakuba ukuba ndawonye njalo kuzwakala futhi kubukeka kuthandana kakhulu, kubaluleke kakhulu futhi ukuba nesethi yomuntu siqu yabangane nezinto azithandayo. Umshado wakho uyingxenye ebaluleke kakhulu kini, kodwa akubona wena wedwa. Uma ufisa ukuvimbela isithukuthezi emshadweni, kuhle kakhulu uma ukhula kuzo zonke izici zokuphila kwakho hhayi nje umshado wakho. Igcina inhlansi iphila.

8. Tholani ulimi lothando lomunye nomunye

'Ulimi lothando' yindlela umuntu abonisa ngayo uthando. Bangu Izilimi ezi-5 ezihlukene zothando futhi kuyehluka kumuntu nomuntu. Lapho abantu ababili abanezilimi ezihlukene zothando beshadile, imizwa yabo yothando iyalahleka ekuhumusheni. Ngakho-ke, akumangazi ukuthi imibhangqwana enezilimi ezahlukene zothando ijwayele ukuzwa ukuthi iyahlukana noma kungenjalo.

Uma noma ngasiphi isikhathi uke wazibuza, kungani nginesizungu emshadweni wami, kungaba ukuthi umlingani wakho nawe, ngamunye wenza ulimi oluhlukile lothando. Yize ulimi lwakhe lothando lungaba ukuthinta ngokomzimba neziqinisekiso, ulimi lwakho lothando lungahle luchithe isikhathi esihle. Iphutha esilenzayo wukuphatha umuntu ngokolimi lwethu lothando. Kunalokho, funda ukuqaphela ulimi lothando lomlingani wakho futhi uqonde indlela abakubonisa ngayo uthando lwabo. Futhi, baphathe ngendlela abafuna ukuphathwa ngayo.

9. Yenza uhlu lwamabhakede ukuze ugweme isithukuthezi ebudlelwaneni

Uma unomuzwa wokuthi umshado wakho uya umile futhi uyazibuza ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze lapho umshado wakho uyisicefe bese wenza a uhlu lwamabhakede kuyindlela yokuhamba ngakho. Yenza uhlu lwazo zonke izinto owakwakho okade ufuna ukuzenza. Bese uqhubeka nokuhlola izinto ohlwini.

Lapho umshado untula okuthile okuzenzakalela, kuwumthwalo wethu wemfanelo ukwengeza isasasa kuwo. Le nhloso entsha yokuhlola izinto ohlwini lwenu izoninika nobabili okuthile eningakulangazelela njengoba nihlelela into elandelayo ohlwini lwenu. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi yilokho kuphela umuntu akudingayo, into angabheka phambili kuyo.

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10. Cela ukwelulekwa

Ngezinye izikhathi ngisho noma sinezinhloso ezinhle ezinhliziyweni zethu, asikwazi ukulungisa isimo esithile. Ikakhulukazi ngoba asazi ukuthi kwenziwa kanjani. Kwesinye isikhathi sidinga ukubona izinto ngenye indlela noma umbono ohlukile, esingakwazi ukuwenza ngokwethu. Yilapho ochwepheshe abangena khona.

Umeluleki ofanele uzoba nekhono lokukusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze nokuthi ungasebenza kanjani kangcono ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ekupheleni kosuku, okufunayo nje ukusindisa ubudlelwano futhi ufuna ukubunika isithombe sakho esihle kakhulu. Futhi uma lokho kusho ukufinyelela usizo oluthile ngokusebenzisa ukwelulekwa ngomshado, pho, kungani kungenjalo?

Ukusebenza ngosizo lochwepheshe oluvela kwabeluleki be-Bonobology.com noma umelaphi onelayisensi kuzokunikeza indawo ephephile yokuhlola imicabango yakho, imizwa yakho nokuqonda amaphethini akho okuziphatha. Kuzokusiza ukuthi ufunde izindlela zokubhekana nempilo engcono futhi usize ukuphatha izingcindezi zansuku zonke ngisho nangemva kokuba usuqedile ukwelulekwa. Ochwepheshe baseBonobology bamane nje chofoza kude.

Umbono oyiphutha omkhulu kakhulu imibhangqwana eminingi evame ukukhula phakathi neminyaka ukucabanga ukuthi wazi konke mayelana nabalingani babo. Kodwa nansi into - abantu bayashintsha, abantu bayakhula. Believe me, umuntu ohlezi eduze kwakho uhlukile kulomfana/intombazane enashada nayo 7 years ago, futhi ukuhluka akusho kubi. Zikhule ngezindlela eziningi futhi nawe usukhulile - kufanelekile ukuzihlola, akunjalo?

Ukuze uthole izihloko eziningi ezingochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.