Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zokwenqatshwa Ebudlelwaneni Nokufanele Ukwenze

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Ungacabanga ukuthi uma usuqomile ungayeka ukukhathazeka ngokukwaliwa. Ayikho inhlanhla enjalo. Ukwenqatshwa kungavusa ikhanda lakho elibi ebudlelwaneni obuseduze futhi izimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebuhlotsheni ziningi. Akufani ncamashi nokuba nesipoki ngomdlalo we-Tinder, kodwa kuyahlaba nokho, mhlawumbe nangaphezulu.

Ukuzizwa wenqatshwa umlingani, noma ngabe nobabili nibuchazile ubudlelwano, kungaba buhlungu futhi kudide. Izimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni kwesinye isikhathi zingase zingacaci futhi zingahambisani, zikushiye uzibuza ukuthi kusho ukuthini, ukuthi bathumela izimpawu ezixubile noma cha, nokuthi kusho ukuthini lokhu ebudlelwaneni bakho. Futhi, yini emhlabeni okufanele uyenze lapho uthando noma ukuthanda kubanda kungazelelwe?

Kuzoba nenqwaba yemibuzo engqondweni yakho, futhi nakuba siqinisekisa ukuthi izimpendulo ngeke zibe mnandi noma yini ofuna ukuyizwa, kunempilo ukucaca ebudlelwaneni kunokuba uhlale ungakhululekile, ungakhululekile.

Sixoxe nomqeqeshi wezempilo ngokomzwelo kanye nokuzindla uPooja Priyamvada (oqinisekiswe kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela eJohns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye naseNyuvesi yaseSydney), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngezindaba zobudlelwano bomshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, kanye nokulahlekelwa, ukubala ezimbalwa. Uchaze ezinye izimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni, kanye nendlela yokubhekana nakho ngaphandle kokulahlekelwa yingqondo.

Yini Edala Ukulahlwa Ebudlelwaneni

Okuqukethwe

Izimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni nazo zingaba izimpawu zokuwohloka kobudlelwano. Kodwa, yini engumsuka walokhu kwenqatshwa? Yini edala ukuthi abantu baqale ukufulathela umaqondana?

“Ukwenqatshwa kungaba ngenxa yezizathu eziningi,” kusho uPooja . “Abanye abantu besaba ukuzibophezela noma ukwenza ubuhlobo bube semthethweni njengoba benomuzwa wokuthi inkululeko yabo izoncishiswa. Abaningi bakhathazekile ngobudlelwano noma uthando futhi lokho kuholela ekwenqatshweni.”

Ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano kuyiqiniso futhi ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni kungavela ekuhlukumezekeni okujulile noma emlandweni wokuhlukunyezwa. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuzibophezela-ukwesaba kungabonisa ukwenqatshwa ngokomzwelo, besaba izinguquko empilweni yabo abangafuni ukubhekana nazo. Lokhu, kuholela ebuhlotsheni obunohlangothi olulodwa , imizwa yesizungu esikhulu, kanye nokungazethembi kobudlelwano.

Kubalulekile ukuthi uzame ukuhlonza izizathu ezidala ukwenqatshwa kwakho ukuze wazi ukuthi ngabe kubangelwa ukwesaba futhi udinga ukuqinisekiswa, noma uma nje usebenzelana nomuntu ongenandaba nezidingo zakho, lapho-ke kufanele usuke kulobo budlelwano.

Izimpawu eziyi-10 eziphezulu zokuthi Uyanqatshwa yi-SO Yakho

Izimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni ziyahlukahluka futhi zingaba ezicashile. Qaphela, ungaweli emgodini wokucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho ukunqaba njalo lapho behamba nabangane noma besebenza ngemuva kwesikhathi. Nazi ezinye izimpawu zangempela zokuthi wenqatshwa omunye wakho obalulekile:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-19 Zokuthi Uyakuthanda Kodwa Wesaba Ukwenqatshwa

1. Bahlale bematasatasa

UPooja uthi: “Umlingani unelungelo lesikhathi sakhe nempilo ehlukene kodwa futhi kudingeka azinike isikhathi sokuba nawe nobudlelwano.

Kukhona umehluko omncane phakathi kokuqinisekisa ukuthi bonke abantu abasemathandweni banempilo ecebile nenempilo kanye nokuba khona komunye nomunye ngokubeka isikhathi nomzamo ebudlelwaneni. Inkulumo esetshenziswa kakhulu ethi 'ukulinganisela phakathi komsebenzi nempilo' ibhekisela nasekugxileni ezintweni ezingaphandle kwalokho okukwenza 'ube matasa'. Ukuqaphela ebudlelwaneni obuseduze kubalulekile ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Ekugcineni, kuyisinqumo sokuthi ungabi yingxenye yobudlelwano obuhlangene nokwenqatshwa ngokomzwelo. Futhi, kuwukukhetha futhi ukuthi ungabi ngumuntu ukuziphatha kwakhe okuveza ngokusobala izimpawu zokulahlwa ebuhlotsheni. Ufanelwe wumuntu ozovela kuwe uma umdinga futhi okubeka phambili isikhathi esiningi.

Yiqiniso, omunye wenu noma nobabili nizoba matasa ngomsebenzi, umndeni, kanye nezibopho ngaphandle kobudlelwano benu ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa konke kumayelana nobudlelwano obulinganiselayo futhi akukho buhlobo obuphumelelayo ngaphandle komzamo ovela kuzo zombili izinhlangothi.

2. Abalokothi baphendule izingcingo noma imiyalezo

O, ubuhlungu bokukhuluma ngemimoya, lapho benyamalala nje futhi benqaba ukuxhumana nganoma iyiphi indlela. Lokhu kungenye yezimpawu ezivamile zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni. Ukuzizwa wenqatshwe ngumlingani ngale ndlela kungenzeka kungenye yezinto ezimbi kakhulu ngoba ukuxhumana ngobudlelwano kubalulekile ekugcineni isibopho, futhi ukukhuluma ngemimoya kuyasichitha ngokuphelele.

"Izimpendulo zabo emibhalweni zibambezelekile futhi abakaze bazibambe izingcingo zakho. Ukuxhumana kwansuku zonke kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni - yindlela enivuselelana ngayo ezintweni ezincane (nezinkulu) ezenzeka empilweni yakho. Uma bengaphenduli okungenani isikhathi esiningi, lokho kungenye yezimpawu zokuncipha kobudlelwano," kusho uPooja.

Manje, masingacabangi ukuthi umbhalo oshiywe kokuthi 'fundiwe' kancane umemezela ngokuzenzakalelayo izimpawu zokulahlwa kowesilisa noma owesifazane ombonayo. Kodwa uma kuba yinto evamile futhi kufanele ubonakale uzabalaza ukuze wenze noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuxhumana nabo, udinga ukubazisa ukuthi lokho akulungile, bese uthola ukuthi lobu ubudlelwano ofuna ngisho ukuhlala kubo.

3. Bavame ukuphinda bathi abakakulungeli ukuzibophezela

Kuhle ukuzibophezela kwakudala-phobes! Bekuyoba kuphi ukukhuluma ngobudlelwano ngaphandle kwabo! Qaphela, umuntu othi akakakulungeli ukuzibophezela kungase kungasho ukuthi ngeke ahlale ekulungele. Kodwa kusho ukuthi basesimweni esihlukile ebudlelwaneni nasezimpilweni zabo, okusho ukuthi empeleni benqaba lokho okudingayo ebuhlotsheni.

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“Izimemezelo eziphindaphindiwe zokuthi abakulungele kanjani ukuzibophezela zingasho ukuthi uzakwethu usevele ekwimodi yokumelana futhi ufuna izaba zokwenqaba,” kuxwayisa u-Pooja.

Lokho kusanda kwenzeka ngoMarina, umdidiyeli wesoftware oneminyaka engama-30 waseDelaware. “Ngangibona umuntu isikhathi esingaphezu kwezinyanga eziyisishiyagalombili futhi njalo lapho kukhulunywa ngekusasa noma ukuzibophezela, wayevele abhonge noma asho ukuthi wayengakakulungeli ukuzibophezela okunjalo,” usho kanje.

Uma ubheka izimpawu zokwenqatshwa yindoda noma owesifazane, ukwesaba ukuzibophezela ngokuqinisekile kuyinto okufanele uyiqaphele. Ukwesaba ukuzibophezela kungase kuvele ekwesabeni ukwenqatshwa nasebudlelwaneni, ngakho-ke uma unesithakazelo kubo ngempela, ungase ufune ukujula ekukhathazekeni kwabo kokuzibophezela. Uma kungenjalo, sekuyisikhathi sokuqhubeka nokuthatha lokhu njengezimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni.

4. Babona abanye abantu

Lalela, sonke sisekela ubudlelwano obuvulekile kanye ne-polyamory, kodwa lokhu kusho ukuthi bonke abathintekayo ebudlelwaneni bavumile ukuthi izinto zimi kuphi ngokwemigomo yokwethembeka nokwethembeka. Uma ungakulungele ukubona abanye abantu, kodwa umlingani wakho ekulungele, lokho kuwukwenqaba imigomo yakho yobudlelwano.

“Uma bekugcina kuvulekile kuwe, cishe usendaweni esengozini enkulu yokwenqatshwa kusukela ohlangothini lwabo,” kusho uPooja. Ngisho noma bekhuluma iqiniso ngokubona abanye abantu futhi bengahambi becashile ngemuva kwakho, iqiniso liwukuthi bacabanga ukuthi lobu ubuhlobo obungahleliwe noma abangane abanezinzuzo . Futhi, akukho okubi ngalokho, ngaphandle kokuthi ufuna izinto ezahlukene ezizogcina zikulimaza. Izinhlobo zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni zifaka phakathi ukungabi sesimweni esifanayo ngohlobo lobuhlobo obufunayo. Futhi, akudingeki ukuthi ukwamukele lokho.

I-Infographic - Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zokwenqatshwa Ebudlelwaneni Nokufanele Ukwenze — Bheka izimpawu ezinembile zokwenqaba ebudlelwaneni, nendlela yokubhekana nazo

5. Abenzi izinhlelo ezibambekayo nawe

“Uma ujwayele ukuba wuhlelo lwabo oluyisipele hhayi uhlelo oluyinhloko, lokhu kusho ngokusobala ukuthi awuyona into ehamba phambili kubo,” kuphawula uPooja. Ukwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukuvela ngendlela yokungacaci okukhungathekisayo uma kuziwa ekwenzeni izinhlelo, noma ukushaywa umoya njalo.

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“Bengibona umuntu izinyanga ezimbalwa, futhi kwakubonakala sengathi uya ndawana thize.” Kodwa-ke ngabona ukuthi wayehlale engitshela ukuthi akanaso isikhathi sami, kodwa wayebonakala enesikhathi sakho konke okunye,” kusho u-Andie, 33, umdidiyeli we-podcast.

Izimpawu zokulahlwa kowesilisa noma owesifazane zingaba buhlungu uma omunye wenu ezama ukuhlanganisa ubuhlobo futhi omunye enqaba ukwenza izinhlelo, nibonane njalo, njalo njalo. Ngakho-ke, uma njalo uma uhlela ikhefu elincane noma usuku, bayakumisa noma bekutshela ukuthi bamatasa, qhubekela phambili.

6. Awukaze uhlangane nomndeni noma abangani abaseduze

Hhayi ukuthi kufanele uhlangane nomndeni wabo wonke owandisiwe kanye kanye (empeleni, mhlawumbe ungakugwema lokho unomphela!), kodwa ubudlelwano obuseduze ngempela bumayelana nokwazi omunye umuntu, futhi ingxenye yalokho ukuya kubantu abasondelene nabo futhi kade babazi.

Uma kungekho okushiwoyo ngokukwethula ukuthi uzochitha isikhathi nabangani babo noma uma ukukhulunywa kwakho ngokuhlangana nonina kubenza bahlukane, lokho ngokuqinisekile kungenye yezimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni. Ngisho noma kumayelana nokukhuluma nomlingani wakho ngomndeni ongasebenzi kahle , kuseyindlela yokusondelana ukuxoxa ngakho.

Lokhu kungenye yezinhlobo zokwaliwa okufanele uzibheke uma uke wazethula kubangani bakho futhi okungenani ukhulume ngazo nomndeni wakho. Lokhu kukhombisa nje ukuthi usezindaweni ezihlukene ebudlelwaneni futhi ulindele okuhlukile, okungavamile ukuphela kahle.

7. Akuyena umuntu wokuqala ongambiza ukuze uthole induduzo

Cha, lokhu akufani nokuba intombi enamathelayo noma isoka. Uma ungumuntu othile futhi ekuwe, ungumuntu wokuqala ofuna ukukhuluma naye uma unosuku olubi, noma ngisho nosuku oluhle kakhulu. Impela ungumuntu wokuqala ofuna ukuya kuye ukuze uthole induduzo lapho udinga ukuqinisekiswa kancane.

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UNatalie, oneminyaka engu-26, oyisikhulu sezindaba zabasebenzi eSan Francisco, uthi: “Ngikhumbula ngithandana nomfana owayehlale engilulaza, angizange ngicabange kangako ngakho ekuqaleni kodwa ngokushesha ngabona ukuthi ngangingazizwa ngilondekile ukukhuluma ngezinto ezingikhathazayo nezinto ezingibangelayo nanoma yisiphi isimo lapho ngangimdinga khona.”

Umuntu wakho obalulekile ngeke ahlale etholakala kuwena uma umdinga - lokho kungenye yamaqiniso abuhlungu kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa enye yezimpawu ezinkulu zokungamukeleki ebudlelwaneni ukuthi omunye umuntu akabi khona lapho umdinga, noma uyakuxubha ngezikhathi zesidingo.

8. Abavamile ukufuna ukusondelana ngokomzimba

Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuyingxenye enkulu yobudlelwano futhi lokhu kubandakanya ukuthinta okungekona okocansi. Manje kunjalo, kungenzeka ukuthi abakho nje ku-PDA noma banenkinga ngokuthintana ngokomzimba ngokuvamile, lapho kuyinto okumele ihloniphe futhi ikhulume ngayo ngesikhathi esithile.
Kodwa uzokwazi ukuthi bakugodla ngokukhethekile. Mhlawumbe baphila kahle ngokuba nomzimba nokuba nesiphithiphithi nabangani babo nokugona abanye abantu kodwa abavamile ukuthinta. Mhlawumbe njalo uma uyobamba isandla sabo, bayasuka.

Ukwenqatshwa ngokomzimba kungaba buhlungu kakhulu, ngakho khumbula ukuthi akusho ukuthi uyabaxosha, kodwa kungasho ukuthi abafuni ukusondelana nawe. Futhi, lokhu ngokuqinisekile kungenye yezimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni. Ulimi lothando lokuthinta ngokomzimba alulona olwawo wonke umuntu, nokho, ngakho-ke nakuba lokhu kungaba olunye lwezinhlobo zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni, kufanelekile ukuxoxa ngakho ngaphambi kokucabanga noma yini.

9. Bavala noma yinini uma ufuna ukukhuluma

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufuna ukuxoxa ngekusasa noma nje ukuba nengxoxo ezuzisayo, bavale umlomo ngokushesha. Mhlawumbe uzama ukukhuluma ngobudlelwano babo bangaphambili noma ubungane babo, kodwa abazimisele nje ukwabelana.

Lokhu kungabangelwa ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni nabo. Bangase besabe ukuthi uma babelana ngezinto zabo zangaphambilini ezizwakala zingathandeki, nawe uzobalahla. Mhlawumbe bazama nje ukugwema ukulimala ngokukwenqaba ngaphambi kokuba ubalahle, yize ungenazo izinhlelo ezinjalo.

Ubudlelwano obunempilo bakheka lapho abantu babelana ngezindaba zabo, okwedlule, kanye (ngethemba) nemibono eyabiwe yesikhathi esizayo, kokubili njengabantu ngabanye nanjengezithandani. Ngakho-ke, uma omunye wakho obalulekile edonsa imizwelo yakhe phansi ngomzuzu lapho kuphakama ingxoxo engathi sína, lokho nakanjani ifulegi elibomvu lobudlelwano kanye nenye yezinhlobo zokulahlwa ebuhlotsheni.

10. Uzizwa uwedwa noma nindawonye

Ingabe uzizwa ungashadile ngisho nalapho usebudlelwaneni ? Uhleli eceleni komlingani wakho kusofa kodwa awukaze uzizwe uwedwa kangaka? Ubuhlobo obuhle budinga izinga lokusondelana lapho wazi khona ukuthi nisondelene.

Lokho akusho ngempela ukuthi nizoba ndawonye kuze kube phakade njengoba ikusasa lihlala lingaqinisekile, kodwa kudingeka kube nokuxhumana okungokwengqondo nengokomzwelo okukwenza uzizwe uphephile futhi uxhumene nabo ngisho nalapho ningekho ndawonye, kunokuba kukwenze uzizwe ekugcineni kwezimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebuhlotsheni.

Uma uzizwa unesizungu ebudlelwaneni bakho , wenqatshiwe, futhi udabukile ngisho noma nindawonye, kukhona igebe ebudlelwaneni bakho okudingeka ulilungise. Ngezinye izikhathi, izinhlobo zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni zingazwakala ngisho noma kungekho lutho olushiwo, futhi ngokuvamile, leyo yimizwa edinga ukubhekisiswa ngokujulile.

Indlela Yokubhekana Nokwenqatshwa - Amathiphu Ochwepheshe

Pho wenzenjani uma wazi ukuthi wenqatshwa umaqondana? Asikho isidingo sokuba sebudlelwaneni obuhlangothi olulodwa noma njalo ubhekane nokulahlwa ngokomzwelo okuvela komunye obalulekile. Isikhathi sokuphinda uthole i-mojo yakho futhi uthathe isinyathelo. Nazi ezinye izinto ezituswa u-Pooja ukuze ubhekane nokwaliwa:

1. Yazisa imizwa yakho

Yisho imizwa yakho futhi uyamukele. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzizwa kanjani - intukuthelo, ubuhlungu, ukukhungatheka, ukudabuka, ukulahlekelwa, usizi, noma imizwa eminingi - mayikugeze futhi uyizwe yonke. Ungazami ukucindezela noma yini, udinga ukuzwa ukuze ululame.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-9 Zokuthi Usebudlelwaneni Obuqeda Amandla Emizwa

2. Cabanga ukwenqatshwa njengethuba

Ukulahlwa, nakuba kuyinto ebuhlungu, kungaba yindlela yokwenza kangcono, ube ngcono. Cabanga ngakho njengokuhlehla kwesikhashana lapho uzofunda khona ukuba umuntu onamandla, ozethembayo owaziyo ukuthi ufunani futhi ongeke ayekethise. Noma, mhlawumbe ufunda ukuba nezingxoxo ezinzima nezijulile nomlingani wakho bese umenza abone ukuthi bayakulimaza futhi uthole indlela yokwenza izinto zibe ngcono. Noma ngabe yikuphi, ukwenqatshwa kungaba yinto yokufunda enkulu.

3. Ziphathe ngozwelo

Uyazi ukuthi siyasithanda ngokuzithanda lapha eBono. Njengoba sishilo, ukwenqatshwa kuyahlaba futhi kungaholela ekuzihlonipheni okuphansi ebudlelwaneni . Ukunqatshwa akukuchazi nganoma iyiphi indlela, ngakho-ke yiba nomusa kuwe. Zenzele izinto ezikwenza ujabule, khumbula ukuthi ungumuntu ongcono kakhulu kunomuntu owenqatshiwe.

4. Ungayithathi ngokweqile

“Akusikho wena, yimi” kungaba yiqiniso ngezinye izikhathi. Khumbula, kungcono ukwenqatshwa ekuqaleni kunokuba nomuntu ongafanelani naye . Khumbula, akukhona ukuthi awufaneleki njengomuntu noma njengomlingani, mhlawumbe awuyena umuntu ofanele bona. Noma mhlawumbe abakho endaweni lapho bekulungele khona ukwamukela wena nothando lwakho.

Ukwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni kungase kuzwakale njengenhlekelele engokomzwelo, futhi kuvamile uma ukusabela kwakho kokuqala kuwukuthethisa umlingani wakho noma ukuphelelwa ithemba. Kodwa kuwukuhlakanipha ukukhumbula ukuthi izenzo zabo zingavela ngenxa yokwesaba kwabo siqu nokungazethembi, futhi nokuthi ukwenqatshwa kwabo bekungeke kuhlanganise lutho nokuthi ungubani njengomuntu.

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile

Izimpawu zokwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni zihlanganisa ukuhluleka ukwenza izinhlelo eziqondile, ukungabaza ukukhuluma ngekusasa, nokuvala imizwelo.
Izimbangela zokwenqatshwa zingabangelwa ukungazethembi nokwesaba komuntu ngamunye, ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni, noma ukwesaba ukuzibophezela
Ukuze ubhekane nokulahlwa, yiba nomusa kuwe, ubone izinto ngokucacile futhi ukhumbule ukuthi ukwenqatshwa akuchazi ukuthi ungubani.

Kunzima ukwamukela ukwenqatshwa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungumuntu oqiniseka kangakanani. Sonke sifuna ukuzizwa sifunwa, sithandwa futhi sithandwa, phela. Kodwa uma usubona futhi uqaphela izimpawu zokwenqatshwa, uzoba nomqondo ongcono wokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nesimo futhi ngethemba lokuthi, uzokwazi ukwenza kanjalo ngesithunzi nangomusa, kokubili kuwe nakumlingani wakho, ngisho noma kusho ukuqeda ubudlelwano obunobuthi.

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