Ungazithola Kanjani Futhi Ebudlelwaneni Uma Uzizwa Ulahlekile

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Abantu bavame ukucabanga ukuthi ukwesaba okukhulu kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa othandekayo wakho. Nokho, iqiniso liwukuthi into ebuhlungu kakhulu ukulahlekelwa wena ebudlelwaneni. Enqubweni yokuthanda umuntu, siye sikhohlwe ukuthi nathi siyaludinga uthando oluthile. 'Ungazithola kanjani futhi usebudlelwaneni?' umbuzo abantu abaningi abafuna ukuwubuza kodwa abakwazi. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abakholwa ukuthi ikhona indawo 'yami' ebudlelwaneni.

Ukuthanda abanye kuhle, kodwa akukhona yini okungalungile ukugodla lolo thando uma kuziwa ezidingweni zakho? Kungani uzizwa unecala noma ubugovu lapho ukhetha ukubeka wena nezidingo zakho ngaphambi kwabanye?

Ungazithola Kanjani Futhi Ebudlelwaneni - Izindlela Ezi-5 Lapho Uzizwa Ulahlekile

Okuqukethwe

Isizathu sokuthi uzilahlekele ebudlelwaneni bakho yingoba awazi ukuthi uthando aluyona into yangaphandle. Kuyinto engaphakathi kuwe. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokulindela ukuthi abanye bathele uthando lwabo kuwe, kungani ungaqali ngokuzithanda wena kuqala?

Asikhulumi ngokuzithanda thina lapho, eqinisweni, ukuzithanda kuwukuphela kwendlela yokuthola ukuthi ungubani ngempela. Ngalezi zindlela ezi-5, ngifisa ukukukhombisa ukuthi ungazithola kanjani futhi usebudlelwaneni lapho uzizwa sengathi uzilahlekele.

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1. Zithande wena

Uma ufuna ngempela ukwazi ukuthi ungazithola kanjani futhi ebudlelwaneni, qiniseka ukuthi uzenza wena nezidingo zakho zibe yinto eza kuqala. Ukuze uzithande futhi uzithole futhi, kufanele ufunde ukuyeka ukuzilahla ebudlelwaneni obufuna uthando kuphela futhi obungenzi uzizwe uthandwa.

Indlela elula yokuzithola futhi ukuthandana nomuntu omangalisa kakhulu empilweni yakho - WENA! Zinike ithuba lokuzwa ukuthi uthando lweqiniso lunjani. Uthando olungenamibandela futhi olungenazo izinkinga.

Qala kancane, mhlawumbe ngokusungula isimiso esisha esikunikeza ithuba lokuphinda uxhumane nawe. Thatha ezinye izinto zokuzilibazisa ezintsha noma izifundo ezikuhlobanisa nobuwena bangaphakathi. Kwenze umkhuba ukwenza izinto ezikwenza uzizwe ujabule.

Imizuzu eyi-10 ngosuku, qiniseka ukuthi awucabangi ngomunye umuntu ngaphandle kwakho nokuthi yini oyidingayo. Lezi zenzo ezincane zizokukhombisa ukuthi uphuthelwa ini, kanye 'nokuthi ungazithola kanjani futhi'. Uzoqala ukuzitholela ukuthi ungubani ngempela.

Ukulahlekelwa wena ebudlelwaneni — Ukulahlekelwa Wena Ebudlelwaneni

2. Yiba naleyo ngxoxo

Muva nje, umngane wami uDavid wangitshela ukuthi wayezizwa elahlekile ebuhlotsheni bakhe obuneminyaka engu-8 ubudala. Ukuzibophezela kumuntu iminyaka eyisishiyagalombili kuyamangalisa, kodwa ukulahlekelwa wena ebuhlotsheni kubuhlungu kakhulu.

UDavid wathi, “Ngizizwa sengathi ngizilahlekele kancane kancane eminyakeni edlule, futhi manje angisenandlela yokuzithola futhi.” Kwakubuhlungu ukuzwa la mazwi, kodwa kwangithinta inhliziyo. Kwakungesiye mina uDavid okwakufanele abe nale ngxoxo naye. Imibuzo yobudlelwano obungathi sína nezihloko ezinjengalezi kudingeka zixoxwe nomlingani wakho kunokuba kuxoxwe nomuntu wesithathu.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kubonakala kunzima kangakanani, ukutshela umlingani wakho iqiniso mayelana nendlela ozizwa ngayo iyona ndlela kuphela ongaqonda ngayo ukuthi ungazithola kanjani futhi. Ukubatshela ukuthi awuzizwa njengawe muva nje futhi ufuna ukusebenzela ekuzitholeni futhi, empeleni kuzokwenza yonke inqubo ibe lula kakhulu.

Uma bekunakekela ngempela, bangakusiza kulolu hambo lokuzithola futhi. Ngakho-ke, phuma endaweni yakho yokunethezeka futhi ubeke imizwa yakho phambi kwabo. Kwazi bani, mhlawumbe nabo banemicabango efanayo.

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3. Xhumana kabusha nomndeni wakho nabangane

Ukwazi ukuthi ungazithola kanjani futhi kuzodinga ukuthi uzazi ukuthi ungubani. Ukuzibekela imali eningi kakhulu ebudlelwaneni kungakwenza uzizwe ungaxhumekile kwabanye empilweni yakho. Ngakho-ke, ohambweni lwakho lokuzithola futhi, udinga ukuthola indlela yokuchitha isikhathi nabantu abavela kuzo zonke izici zempilo yakho.

Hamba kulawo madrayivu amade kanye nohambo nabangani obekujabulisa kakhulu ngaphambi kokuthi olukhethekile lufike empilweni yakho. Phinda ukhumbule izinkumbulo zakho zobuntwana nomndeni wakho ngokuya eholidini noma ukuhlela ubusuku begeyimu yomndeni endaweni yakho.

Yenza zonke izinto obukade uzenza ngaphambi kokungena ebudlelwaneni nesithandwa sakho. Xhumana kabusha nabantu ababazi okwedlule futhi uzikhumbuze ngezwe elikhona ngaphandle kobudlelwano bakho. Khumbula, uma ubeka umgomo wakho ngokucacile bese usho ngokuzwakalayo, “Ngifuna ukuphinde ngizithole,” uzobona yonke into nawo wonke umuntu oseduze nawe enikela kulolu hambo ngendlela eyodwa noma enye.

4. Thola inkululeko yakho

Umsebenzi wakho wothando ubulokhu ungaqediwe izinyanga noma iminyaka. Lokhu kungenzeka ukuthi kungenxa yokuthi ubumatasa usekela umlingani wakho kukho konke akwenzayo. Awuzange ube nesikhathi sokuhlala phansi uphinde uxhumane namaphupho nemigomo yakho, kodwa uyaqiniseka ukuthi uchitha isikhathi esihle nomlingani wakho ukuze uvikele ubudlelwano bakho ekuweni.

Uma ungaqondana nanoma yisiphi salezi zimo, ngikholwa ukuthi uyazilahlekela ebudlelwaneni kuyilapho ungayinaki impilo owawukholelwa ukuthi ungaba nayo. Ukuma uqinile nophathina wakho kuhle, kodwa ukukhohlwa izinjongo namaphupho akho ngezindleko zomlingani wakho kuyinto okufanele ukhathazeke ngayo.

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi akulungile ukulahlekelwa wena ube uzama ukuba yikho konke kuwo wonke umuntu. Uma uzithola usemkhankasweni wokuzitholela wena ngaso sonke isikhathi uma usothandweni, noma uma kade kwenzeka kaningi phakathi kobudlelwano obufanayo, kusho ukuthi uziphuca eyakho inkululeko ukuze ujabulise abanye.

Inkinga ibonakala ikuwe, futhi udinga ukumba ujule. Kufanele wazi ukuthi konke kusezandleni zakho futhi ngezinye izikhathi, udinga nje ukubuyisela lokho okungokwakho ngokufanelekile. Yeka ukukhawulela impilo yakho kumlingani wakho nasebudlelwaneni bakho. Nweba ama-horizons akho futhi usebenzele ukufeza amaphupho owake wazibonela wona.

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5. Xhumana nomqeqeshi wezempilo

Ukuzithola ngiphindelela ebudlelwaneni obebuvame ukungiphuca ubuwena bekuya kuba nzima. Ngangingazi ukuthi ngenzenjani. Ngaso leso sikhathi, ngahlangana nesikhangiso ezinkundleni zokuxhumana lapho umqeqeshi wezempilo ethi ufundisa ukuthi ungazithola kanjani futhi lapho uzizwa ulahlekile, ngezikhathi ezithile zokuqeqesha impilo.

Ngangimanqikanqika ekuqaleni kodwa, ngethembe, leso kwakungesinye sezinqumo ezinhle kakhulu ekuphileni kwami! Ukuze wazi ukuthi ungazithola kanjani futhi, kufanele wazi mayelana nezinsiza ezitholakalayo kuwe ngaphandle lapho. Lapho uzizwa ulahlekile, umbono ongachemile ovela kuchwepheshe oqeqeshiwe ungasebenza izimanga.

Okuhlangenwe nakho kwami kungifundise ukuthi ingxenye yesizathu esenza ngizizwe sengathi ngilahlekelwe ubuhlobo kungenxa yokuntuleka kokusekelwa okuyisisekelo okuvela emndenini wami nakubangane bami. Futhi mhlawumbe, leyo yinkinga nawe.

Umqeqeshi wezempilo uqeqeshelwe ukuhlaziya isimo sakho futhi akunikeze imininingwane engcono kakhulu yokuthi ungafinyelela kanjani umgomo wakho. Bangase bakusize ubeke imigomo nezinhloso ezibambekayo, futhi bakuqondise ekuguquleni le mibono ibe ngokoqobo. Ngalesi siqondiso, impendulo yombuzo wakho, "Ungazithola kanjani futhi?" kungase kubonakale kulula.

Ngethemba ukuthi lezi zindlela ezi-5 zizokusiza ukuthi uzithole futhi lapho uzizwa ulahlekile. Isihluthulelo sokuzitholela futhi ebudlelwaneni ukubona ukuthi akudingeki ulahle ubuntu bakho ukuze ube umlingani ofanelekile komunye. Ubudlelwano bakho buyingxenye yempilo yakho hhayi impilo yakho yonke.

Uma wena, noma othile omaziyo, enenkinga ngento efanayo, bhukha i-aphoyintimenti nochwepheshe oqinisekisiwe ongakunikeza ukwesekwa okudingekayo. Ungabheka ikhasi lethu lomeluleki ku-Bonobology.co bese ubhukha i-aphoyintimenti ngokushesha nomunye wochwepheshe bethu abafanelekayo. Ngoba ekugcineni kosuku, okuwukuphela kwento ebalulekile nguwe.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Uyibuyisela kanjani inhlansi ebudlelwaneni obuphukile?

Inhlansi encane ingaphenduka umlilo obhongayo ngemizuzwana. Ngakho-ke, ungawabukeli phansi amandla okuvuselela ubudlelwano obuphukile. Uma ubuhlobo benu sebufike ezingeni lapho nobabili nixabana njalo futhi ningasathembani, mhlawumbe enikudingayo nje yinhlansi encane. Lokhu ungakwenza ngokukhuluma kancane futhi ulalele kakhulu ukuthi umlingani wakho ufuna ukuthini. Ukuze ugweme izingxabano esikhathini esizayo, ningahlala phansi ndawonye futhi nibeke imithetho eyisisekelo. Ukuthatha imizamo yokwengeza ubumnandi nokusondelana ebudlelwaneni bakho kungakusiza ukuthi ukhanyise lowo mlilo futhi.

2. Kungani ngilahlekelwa ngabantu?

Uma ungumuntu okholelwa ukuthi ubuwena bunqunywa abantu abaseduze nawe, maningi amathuba okuthi uzilahlekele phakathi kwabantu. Uma uzwa ukuthi ubuwena bubhekiselwa ngaphandle, uzothambekela ekubekeni phambili ubuhlobo bakho nabanye ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye. Ukuze ugweme lokhu, udinga ukushintsha umbono wakho usuke emhlabeni wangaphandle uye kowangaphakathi. Chitha isikhathi nawe futhi uthole ukuthi yini oyifunayo. Gxila endleleni ozibona ngayo, futhi uzame ukuhlaziya ubuntu bakho ngaphandle kokucabangela imibono yabanye.

3. Ngiphila kanjani impilo yami ebudlelwaneni?

Ukuphila impilo yakho, ngendlela obuhlale ufuna ngayo, kungenzeka noma usebudlelwaneni. Ukufunda ukuqaphela imizwa yakho, ukuqhubeka usebenzela ukufeza izinhloso zakho nothando lwakho, ukufunda ukuzithanda, nokwenza imisebenzi ethile uwedwa ngezinye zezindlela eziningi ezingakuvimba ekulahlekelweni uwena ebudlelwaneni. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukutshala isikhathi sakho kweminye imisebenzi emisha noma ukuzilibazisa kungakusiza ukuthi ukhule njengomuntu, futhi kungase kukusize uxhumane nawe kanye nobuwena obuhlukile obusanda kutholwa.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.