Indlela Yokubonisa Inhlonipho Ebudlelwaneni — Izindlela Eziyisi-9

HLONIPHA. Umculi omkhulu u-Aretha Franklin wacula ngakho. Amatomu abhaliwe ngakho. Inhlonipho njengomqondo ibalulekile kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo, iplatonic noma ngenye indlela. Kodwa kusho ukuthini ukubonisa inhlonipho? Abanye bakubheka njengokusho ukutuswa. Abanye babhekisela kulo njengelungelo lomuntu eliyisisekelo. Inhlonipho ebudlelwaneni - bothando - isho ukulingana kwabo bobabili abalingani. Ichaza isimo lapho kungekho muntu “ophakeme” kunomunye. Bobabili abantu bamukela omunye njengoba enjalo futhi bayakwazisa ukuhluka kwabo. 

Uma ungamethembi, ubeka phambili, futhi ungamhloniphi umlingani wakho, ungaqiniseka ukuthi ubuhlobo bothando ngeke bukhule. Ubudlelwano obunempilo budinga ukuhloniphana. Kodwa-ke, kubaluleke kakhulu ukwanelisa izidingo zomuntu siqu njengoba kuwukwakha inhlonipho ngemingcele yomlingani wakho nendawo yomuntu siqu. 

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuba Nenhlonipho Ebudlelwaneni? 

Esifundweni ngenhlonipho ebudlelwaneni obuseduze , imodeli kaGottman yobudlelwano yaxoxwa ikakhulukazi maqondana nokungabikho kwendima yenhlonipho. Umcwaningi womshado uthi, “Iningi lemibhangqwana engisebenze nayo eminyakeni edlule ibilokhu ifuna izinto ezimbili kuphela ebudlelwaneni – Uthando nenhlonipho.” Kunezindlela eziningana zokubheka inhlonipho nothando ebudlelwaneni . Ake sibheke izikole ezahlukene zokucabanga ngalesi sihloko:

• Ukwelashwa kwansuku zonke kozakwethu: Abanye abantu bathi inhlonipho itholakala endleleni abantu ababili abaphathana ngayo nsuku zonke. Izingxabano ezincane, uthando olwengeziwe
• Ukulwa ngothando: Abanye bakholelwa ukuthi ubudlelwano obunempilo akusho ukuthi azikho izingxabano noma izingxabano. Inkinga isekutheni lokhu kungaboni ngaso linye kusingathwa kanjani
• Inani lombono womunye: Ingabe kukhona ukuqondana mayelana nokuthi omunye uletha ini etafuleni? Umlingani ohloniphayo uyawazisa umbono womunye futhi ulalela ngokuzimisela
• Inkululeko: Ukuphila kwansuku zonke ebudlelwaneni kufanele kuvumele umuzwa wenkululeko nobuntu. Abantu abaningi babheka lokhu njengengqikithi ye-a ubudlelwano obuhloniphayo
• Ukuzihlonipha kubaluleke kakhulu: Esinye isikole sokucabanga sithi kubalulekile ukuba nomuzwa onamandla wokuzihlonipha. Ngaphandle kokuzethemba nokugcinwa kwemingcele yomuntu siqu, akunakwenzeka ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo nabanye. Kholwa ukuthi ufanelwe yizindinganiso zakho eziphakeme. Zivikele emizweni yakho nasekuziboneni kwakho. Lalela izidingo zakho, unakekele impilo yakho nempilo yengqondo, futhi uhloniphe wonke umuntu onguye ngaphakathi.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindinganiso Eziyi-15 Eziyinhloko Ebudlelwaneni Ukuze Ube Nesibopho Esijabulisayo Nesihlala Njalo

Iphepha locwaningo mayelana nenhlonipho nothando ebudlelwaneni bothando lihlola ukuthi inhlonipho isho ukuthini kubantu abahlukene. Ngokusho kokutholakele kwabo, “Incazelo incike endaweni kanye nohlobo lobuhlobo.” Lithi inhlonipho ngokuyisisekelo isho “umuntu ofanele ukutshala isikhathi namandla akhe. Inhlonipho iyisici esibalulekile sokuxhumana kwabantu, kokubili ebuhlotsheni obuseduze, bomuntu siqu kanye nasebudlelwaneni obusemthethweni, lapho inhlonipho iyingxenye yenhlonipho phakathi kwabantu. Eqinisweni ixhunywe ngokungaqondile cishe kubo bonke ubudlelwano (isib. umlingani, umndeni, abangane).”

Ukwakha inhlonipho ebudlelwaneni - Uhlu lokuhlola lwamaphuzu ayi-8

Ukukusiza wena nophathina wakho ukuthi niqonde ukuthi kusho ukuthini inhlonipho kinina nobabili ebudlelwaneni benu, dlulani lolu hlu lwemibuzo nomunye nomunye: 

• Kusho ukuthini kuwena thuthukisa inhlonipho ebudlelwaneni nomlingani wakho? 
• Ingabe unayo imingcele eqinile engeke iweqe? 
• Ingabe ukhululekile ngemizwa yakho? Ungakwazi yini ukuxhumana ngokwethembeka?
• Ingabe uyabelana ngempendulo futhi ujabulele ukuxhumana okuvulekile? 
• Uyamethemba umlingani wakho wothando? 
• Ingabe unikeza ubuhlobo bakho isikhathi nomzamo obufanele? 
• Kuyini, ngokusho kwakho, ukulawula ukuziphatha? 
• Ungayibonisa kanjani inhlonipho? Nikeza izibonelo zenhlonipho ebudlelwaneni

Yini Eyenza Inhlonipho Ibaluleke Kakhulu Ebudlelwaneni

Ubudlelwano obusha bonke kufanele buqale ngengxoxo mayelana nokulindela komlingani ngamunye nangokuxoxa ngokuziphatha okunenhlonipho ngendlela eyakhayo. Ngale ndlela, ungalungiselela ubuhlobo impumelelo. Futhi kuthini ngobuhlobo bomuntu uma ubona inhlonipho phakathi kwabalingani ? Nakhu okushiwoyo:

• Ukuba khona kwabalingani ababili abahloniphayo ebuhlotsheni kusho umuzwa ojulile wothando
• Uma bobabili abantu bezizwa behlonishwa, kusho ukuthi bamukela umlingani wabo ngalokho abayikho, amaphutha nakho konke 
• Ukuziphatha ngenhlonipho kubonisa izinga eselimisiwe lokubekezela nokukhulumisana ngokwethembeka
• Ubudlelwano obukhombisa inhlonipho buzodinga ukwethembana nokuziveza wena
• Asikho isikhala sokuzazisa uma izimpumelelo zomlingani wakho zibaluleke njengezakho

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izingcaphuno Ezingu-24 Ezikhuthazayo Zokwenza Isiqubulo Sakho

Izinzuzo zokuhlonipha umlingani wakho

Ukuba nesisekelo esiqinile sokuziphatha okunenhlonipho kungashintsha ukusebenzisana kwakho futhi kunikeze ukuxhumana okujulile nozakwenu. Uma sekubekwe izisekelo zobudlelwano obuhloniphayo, izinzuzo ezimbalwa ziyavela ngenxa yalokho. Nazi ezinye izinzuzo zokuhlonipha ebudlelwaneni: 

• Ubuqotho: Ukuhlonipha umlingani wakho ngokuvamile kukhuthaza ukwethembeka nokuzibophezela kwesikhathi eside
• Ukusondelana ngokocansi: Ubudlelwano obujabulisayo obusekelwe ekuhloniphaneni bungathuthukisa impilo yakho yocansi kuphela
• Ukukhula ngakunye: Uma ugcina inhlonipho ngomlingani wakho, uvame ukukhuthaza imigomo yakhe futhi udale indawo esekelayo lapho nobabili ningachuma khona
• Imingcele nokuxazululwa kwezingxabano: Ubambiswano oluqinile luholela ekuqondaneni kwemingcele yomunye nomunye. Ukuxhumana okujulile ngenxa yokwethembeka kanye ukuxhumana okuvulekile ikusiza ukuthi ubone imibono yomunye nomunye. Ukuhlonipha imingcele ebudlelwaneni nakho kuvumela izitayela ezinempilo zokuxabana nokuxazulula izingxabano
• Better impilo yengqondo: Ukwenyuka kwenjabulo nokuzethemba kuholela enhlalakahleni yabo bobabili abantu 
• Ukubambisana: Ngokususa ukugxila ezidingweni zakho kuya ezidingweni zomlingani wakho kanye nobudlelwano bubonke, nigcina nenze izinqumo ezingcono ndawonye.
• Ukuziveza: Ubudlelwano obusekelwe ekuhloniphaneni buthuthukisa ukwethembana futhi budale indawo ephephile yayo yonke imizwa nokuziveza
• Ukuzinakekela: Kukusiza uzizwe ubalulekile, kukukhuthaza ukuba uzinakekele. Uma uzijwayeza ukuzinakekela, utshala imali kuwe nasebudlelwaneni bakho bothando

Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi ucwaningo lwamuva luphethe ngokuthi inhlonipho ebudlelwaneni iholela emathubeni aphezulu okuphila isikhathi eside nokuzibophezela.

Ungambonisa Kanjani Umaqondana Wakho Inhlonipho

Ngaphambi kokuba singene ezindleleni nezizathu zokubonisa inhlonipho, masicacise: Ukuhlonipha akusho ukuba yisithutha. Uma ubonisa inhlonipho kumuntu omthandayo, usengakwazi ukugcina ubuwena bakho. Usengakwazi ukugcina imingcele yakho , uqine, futhi ube nobudlelwano obunothando nobuqinile. Ngokuzwela imizwa yomlingani wakho kanye neyakho, wakha ubudlelwano obuhle obungahamba ibanga elide.

Nazi izindlela ezi-9 ezilula zokukhombisa umlingani wakho inhlonipho empilweni yansuku zonke: 

1. Lalela ufunde

U-Priyanka Chopra wathi ngaphambi kokuba ashade no-Nick Jonas, “Impela, yilokhu okungisebenzele; kufanele abe umuntu okuhloniphayo ...

Ezinye izindlela zokuziphatha ezihloniphekile kunoma yisiphi isibopho esinempilo nesiqinile phakathi kwemibhangqwana :

• Kuwuphawu lokuvuthwa nokukhula lapho ukwazi ukuxoxa nophathina wakho ongacwile ekwahluleleni
• Nivulekele imibono yomunye nomunye futhi nilungele ukulalela ngaphandle kokugxuma ukuze uvikele isikhundla sakho noma ukuphikisana ngokungenangqondo.
• Uma usulungele ukulalela lokho omunye umuntu akushoyo, ungakwazi ukuqinisekisa imizwa yakho ngaphandle kokulawula ngokweqile
• Uyakwazisa lokho okulethwa umlingani wakho etafuleni futhi umenza azizwe ezwakala. Lokhu kwengeza ukwazisa nomzamo kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izisekelo Eziyi-7 Zokusekela Ebudlelwaneni

2. Inhlonipho ebudlelwaneni isho ukuhlola imizwa yakho neyomlingani wakho 

Ukuphila kuhamba ngokushesha. Lezo zinsuku zakuqala, ezishisayo zobudlelwano bothando zingabhajwa kalula emisebenzini yasekhaya kanye nokunganeliseki. Kodwa kubalulekile ukubekela eceleni isikhathi sokubheka imizwa yakho nemizamo yomlingani wakho. Zibuze izinto ezilandelayo:

• Ingabe wena nomlingani wakho niyayihlonipha imingcele ebudlelwaneni?
• Ingabe uyasihlonipha isikhathi ebudlelwaneni enithola kuso nobabili?
• Ingabe umatasatasa futhi uyawenza izinto ezincane ezibajabulisayo?
• Ingabe uyawenza umzamo wokwazisa impumelelo yomlingani wakho?

Lezi zinto zingase zingabonakali zinkulu, kodwa ziyanezela futhi zakha indawo yokusekelana kanye nobudlelwano obuhloniphekile. Ocwaningweni ngezizathu ezivamile zokuzizwa ungaxhumene emishadweni, abacwaningi baphawula ukuthi, “Umshado udinga ukuxhumana okuqhubekayo nokucacile ngazo zonke izici zokuphila. Ukwenza izinqumo ezithile ngaphandle kwengxoxo noma imikhuba eyimfihlo, ethinta uhlangothi olulodwa, kunganciphisa ukwethembana, ukuxhumana, kanye nokusondelana.”

3. Ukufunda ukukhulumisana ngokuphumelelayo kubonisa inhlonipho ngothile omthandayo

Ukuxhumana okuqotho okungahlelwanga njengokuhlasela – iphupho, akunjalo? Ukuxhumana ngempumelelo nangenhlonipho kungabukeka kanje: 

• Veza, noma nini lapho ukwazi, lapho umlingani wakho ecela okuthile 
• Thethelela kalula, futhi uthathe ukuziphendulela ngezenzo zakho 
• Bonisa ukubonga ngomlingani wakho ngamazwi nangezenzo 
• Dlala futhi ugcone, kodwa ungaphambukeli ekuziphatheni okuhlukumezayo nokugxeka ngokweqile
• Ukunaka amandla omlingani wakho kubalulekile  
• Ungalokothi wephule ubumfihlo nokwethenjwa 
• Shintsha ukubhuqa ngolimi olwakhayo. Susa zonke izinhlobo zokudelela ekuziphatheni kwakho 
• Sekela ukukhetha kwabo. Yiba okhuthazayo ngisho nasemaphutheni abo 
• Vula indlela yomlingani wakho eyingqayizivele yokubhekana nempilo 
• Memezelani inhlonipho ngomunye nomunye phambi kwabanye 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezingu-21 Zokuntuleka Kwenhlonipho Ebudlelwaneni

4. Bekani omunye nomunye kuqala 

Uma ubeka ubuhlobo bakho phezulu ohlwini lwakho, ubonisa inhlonipho kumlingani wakho. Ukubeka kuqala omunye komunye kuyindlela elula yokubonisa ukuthi omunye ubalulekile. Ukuthi inhlalakahle yabo ibalulekile kuwe. Nokuthi uzobe ukhona futhi ubalwe uma kudingeka. Kuyisifiso somuntu ukufunwa nokwazisa. Uma ubonisa omunye wakho obalulekile ukuthi uyinto ebaluleke kakhulu ekuphileni kwakho, unikeza umuzwa wokulondeka kubo, futhi isibopho siyaqiniswa. 

Enye indlela yokubheka lokhu ukunikezana ithuba lokukhetha. Ku-Reddit thread mayelana nezindlela eziqondile zansuku zonke zokubonisa inhlonipho kumyeni wakho, umsebenzisi we-Reddit uthe enye indlela yokwenza kanjalo ukuhlonipha isimiso sakhe nesikhathi sakhe. Lokhu kusebenza kuzo zombili izindlela, kungakhathaliseki ubulili. Umuntu udinga ukwamukela ezinye izibopho ekuphileni komunye nomunye kodwa aqonde ukuthi kukho konke, omunye umuntu uza kuqala.

5. Esinye sezibonelo ezibalulekile zenhlonipho ebudlelwaneni: Hlala njalo ugcine imingcele

Ukuhlonipha le mingcele kuyindlela yokuxhumana ukuthi niyakwazisana nokuthi indawo eniyidalile njengezithandani iphephile. Kusho ukulalela lokho okwamukelekile nokungamukeleki kumlingani wakho nokuhlonipha lezi zifiso. Uma wazisa omunye umuntu futhi ufuna ukuhlala empilweni yakhe, kufanele ujwayele ukuhlonipha imingcele yomunye nomunye. Ukuzichaza nokuzethemba kwabo kungakhula futhi kuchume ngenxa yalokho.

Nazi ezinye izimo lapho imingcele ihlonishwa khona:

• Ukucacisa mayelana nesikhathi nedethi ozohlangana ngayo nozakwenu. Lokhu kukhombisa inhlonipho kubo njengoba kuhambisana nabakutshele ngaphambilini, okungukuthi – Abalungile ngezinhlelo ezingacacile.
• Umngcele ungasho ukungaphakamisi izwi lakho lapho nixabana ngoba umlingani wakho wakutshela kusengaphambili ukuthi ngeke amukele amazwi aphezulu phakathi nezingxoxo.
• Udinga isikhathi sokuthula ngemva kosuku olude lomsebenzi kanye ecela indawo kuwumngcele ovumelekile ukuba nawo. Uma umlingani wakho ekuvumela ukuba ube khona bese exoxisana nawe noma ekutshela ngodaba kuphela 'ngemuva' kokuthi isikhathi sakho sami sesiphelile, kukhombisa ukuthi ukuhlonipha kangakanani.
• Kuyafana nokudinga isikhathi ngaphambi kokuthi usondelane nomlingani wakho futhi angakwenzi uzizwe ngakho. Kunalokho, bakukhuthaza ukuba ube khona ngokuphelele phakathi nobulili ngokuthatha isikhathi osidingayo

6. Banikeze indawo abayidingayo

Ku-Quora thread mayelana nendlela yokubonisa inhlonipho kumuntu omthandayo, leli phuzu liphindwe kaningi. Umhlanganyeli uCassie uchaza ukuthi ungakwenza lokhu "ngokumsekela kodwa futhi nokumethemba ukuthi uzozenzela okuhle eyedwa." Vumela umlingani wakho azakhele indlela yakhe. Ezinye izibonelo zobudlelwano obuhloniphekile obuhlonipha isikhala:

• Enikezana i inkululeko ebudlelwaneni ukwenza ukukhetha komuntu ngamunye 
• Ukuvumela ukuzimela kokuthandwa komuntu siqu nokungathandwa 
• Ukwenza izinqumo ngokusekelwe ekucabangeni kwakho
• Ukuthembana ukuthi kukhona futhi kutshalwe ebudlelwaneni kodwa hhayi ngokuminyana
• Ukungazami ukulawulana ngokusebenzisa amaphethini ahlukumezayo noma ukuziphatha okungenanhlonipho

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-8 Zokulwa Ngenhlonipho Nomlingani Wakho

7. Veza ukuzibophezela komunye nomunye njengombukiso wokugcina wokuhloniphana

Uma nizinikele ebudlelwaneni bothando futhi nifuna ukukhombisa ukuthi niyakwazisa lokho eninakho nobabili, ayikho indlela engcono yokubonisa inhlonipho kunokuba nithembeke futhi nizinikele. Futhi nakuba lokhu kungase kudinge umzamo kuzo zombili izingxenye, kukhombisa ukugxila nokuzinikela ebudlelwaneni obungenakuthathwa kalula . Uma uhlonipha umlingani wakho, unquma futhi ukuvuleleka ngobuhlobo bakho nabathandekayo bakho.

Ukuzinikela kusho futhi umuzwa wokuba sengozini nokudala indawo esekela othandekayo wakho. Lapho udalula ubuwena beqiniso, obuyiqiniso komunye futhi uthembisa ukunamathelana “ekuguleni nasesononi,” kuba nomuzwa wesibindi nokuzimisela oduduza ngokujulile. 

8. Thatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngendima yakho ebudlelwaneni 

Ukuba sebudlelwaneni obuhlala isikhathi eside nobokuzibophezela akukaze kube lula. Ngisho nemibhangqwana ejabule kakhulu iyakhubeka. Sonke senza amaphutha kanye nezinqumo ezimbi. Kuzoba nokushintshashintsha kwemizwelo kanye namazwi entukuthelo. Imingcele ingase yeqe, futhi kungase kube nokuziphatha okungahlosile (okungahlosiwe). Kodwa-ke, ukuphatha lokhu njengokuphela kobudlelwano bakho akudingekile.

Kunalokho, thatha ithuba lokuxolisa (futhi usho lokho). Uma uthembekile kuwena, uzoqinisekisa ukuthi uyazibophezela ngezenzo zakho futhi uthathe izinyathelo ezidingekayo zokulungisa isimo. Kudinga ukuvuthwa nenhlonipho ukwenza lokhu futhi usakhombisa umlingani wakho ngothando. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Imibuzo Engu-35 Ebalulekile Yobudlelwano Okufanele Uyazi Ukuthi Umi Kuphi

9. Yenza isikhathi sokugubha

Inhlonipho nothando ebudlelwaneni kuhlanganisa ukudlula ezikhathini ngesithunzi nangomusa nokugubha amaphuzu aphezulu ngokuchitha isikhathi ndawonye. Ubudlelwano obujabulisayo bujabulela impumelelo yomunye. Imiphumela yocwaningo iyavuma ukuthi imizwa efana nokuphakama, ukubonga, kanye nokuncoma kushukumisa ukuzithuthukisa kanye nobudlelwano obungcono. Uma ubonisa ukwazisa ngemigomo efinyelelwe noma umsebenzi onzima oqediwe, utshela umlingani wakho ukuthi uyazi ukuthi ubhekene nani futhi uqaphela amandla nokuphikelela kwakhe. Ukuzinika isikhathi sokugubha ngisho nezinyathelo ezincane kakhulu kuyindlela enhle yokubonisa umlingani wakho inhlonipho ayifanele.

Lezi ziqondiso eziyisishiyagalolunye ziyilokho nje - Iziqondiso. Ziphathe njengohlaka lokwengeza ulwazi lwakho nemibono. Bheka empilweni yakho nasebudlelwaneni bakho bese umba ujule. Zibuze imibuzo enzima edingekayo ukuze uqhubekele esinyathelweni esilandelayo, futhi uzinike umthamo onempilo womusa ngenkathi wenza kanjalo. Phela, ayikho into ekhanga ukwedlula ozakwethu ababili abasebenza befinyelela umgomo ndawonye, ​​akunjalo? 

Uma ubudlelwano obuphephile, obunempilo, obuvikelekile kuyilokho okufisayo, akukho ukubalekela isidingo senhlonipho. Njengoba sesixoxile, kubalulekile ukuzithanda nokuzihlonipha njengoba kubalulekile ukuphatha abanye ngomusa. Gcina ikhanda lakho liphakeme, imingcele yakho isendaweni eqinile, kanye nomthamo omkhulu wokuzithanda nokwazisa ngakho konke okwenzayo. Okunye kuzolandela.

Izingxenye Eziyi-10 Ezibalulekile Zokuthembana Ebudlelwaneni

Amathiphu ayi-15 Okugcina Ubudlelwano Buqinile Futhi Bunempilo

Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Zokuthi Umkakho Akakuhloniphi (Nendlela Okufanele Ubhekane Ngayo Nakho)

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.