Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokubhekana Nendoda Efuna Ucansi

“Umyeni wami ungumuntu othanda kakhulu ucansi futhi ufuna ucansi ngaso sonke isikhathi.” Yileyo ndlela umsebenzisi we-Reddit aqala ngayo ukukhononda kwakhe isikhathi eside ngomyeni wakhe ofuna ucansi “kungakhathaliseki amandla akhe.” Othile esigabeni sokuphawula uthi, “Udinga ukukhula (…),” kodwa siyaqiniseka ukuthi ufuna ikhambi elingcono kunalelo ukuze uthole ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomyeni ofuna ucansi.

Ukungahambelani ngokocansi kuvame kakhulu futhi kungabonakala ebudlelwaneni benu ngezindlela ezahlukene. Ingabe umyeni wakho ucela ucansi oluningi? Noma ingabe icela ubulili bolunye uhlobo? Ingabe ama-kinks akho awahambelani? Uma uvame ukuzitshela ukuthi, “Umyeni wami uzizwa enelungelo lomzimba wami,” ukhomba inkinga ehlukile: ukungabi nanhlonipho nokuvuma ngokuphelele.

Isixazululo salezi zinkinga asilula futhi asiqondile, kodwa sizozama ukuhlanganisa eziningi zazo ngangokunokwenzeka. Noma kunjalo, sifuna wazi ukuthi lena akuyona imfihlakalo eyingqayizivele, engaxazululeki yenkinga nokuthi awuwedwa. Ake sibheke lokhu, umbuzo owodwa ngesikhathi.

Ingabe Kujwayelekile Ukuthi Indoda Ifune Ucansi Nsuku Zonke?

Ngokusho kocwaningo lwe -YouGov , olwalunesampula yabantu ababalelwa ku-1000 (ingxenye yabo kwakungabesilisa), ama-5% abesilisa 'ayeya' ucansi nsuku zonke, kanti ama-18% 'ayefuna' ucansi nsuku zonke. Okuthakazelisayo futhi ukuthi ama-3% abesifazane 'ayeya' ucansi nsuku zonke kanti ama-9% 'ayefuna' ucansi nsuku zonke. Ucwaningo lubonisa ngokusobala ukuthi ukufuna ucansi nsuku zonke akuyona into engavamile nhlobo. Indoda ingase ifune ucansi nsuku zonke, ikakhulukazi uma isencane futhi inesifiso esikhulu socansi. Eqinisweni, izici eziningi zingathinta isifiso socansi somuntu. Nazi:

• Ubudala: Lapho umuntu emncane, kuphakama isifiso sakhe sobulili
• Ama-hormone: Ukwenyuka kwamazinga e-testosterone kubangela i-libido ephezulu
• Impilo yengqondo neyomzimba: Ukuzivocavoca kanye nokudla okuhle kuthinta i-libido kahle, kuyilapho ukungalali, ukukhathazeka, nokucindezeleka, kwenza okuphambene.
• Impilo engokomzwelo: Owesilisa angase alangazelele ucansi kokubili njengesiphazamiso ekucindezelekeni nasekukhathazekeni, okungukuthi, ukuze akhululeke ekucindezelekeni, kanye nendlela yokuxhumana nomlingani kanye veza uthando

Lezi zici kungenzeka futhi ukuthi zishayela umyeni wakho inkanuko yobulili obuphezulu, lapho kusuke kuyinto evamile ngokuphelele. Nokho, okubalulekile lapha ngumbuzo othi, “Indlela yobulili ibonakala imthinta kanjani?” Ingabe i-libido yakhe imenza angasebenzi nganoma iyiphi indlela, ephazamisa ukuphila kwakhe kwansuku zonke? Ingabe uhlale ekuhlupha ngokuthi uye ocansini, azithathele yena mathupha uma engenzi ngendlela yakhe? Akayihloniphi imingcele yakho yobulili? Uma kunjalo, isifiso somyeni wakho socansi singaba yinkinga.

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Kungani amadoda efuna ucansi njalo?

Noma imvamisa yesifiso socansi ihluka kakhulu phakathi kwabantu banoma ibuphi ubulili, kulula ukwenza lokhu kuzwakalisa okubanzi kokuthi amadoda afune ucansi olwengeziwe. Kunezici ezithile ezinomthelela kulo mbono. Ake sizibheke:

• Izici eziphilayo: I-hormone ye-testosterone ifaka amandla sex drive. Amadoda anezinga eliphakeme ngokumangalisayo le-testosterone kunabesifazane
• Umbono wokuziphendukela kwemvelo: Kunombono wokuthi amadoda aqhutshwa isifiso sokusabalalisa ufuzo
• Izici zezenhlalo namasiko: Amadoda angase aziphathe ngokusabela emibonweni esakazwa umphakathi mayelana nokuthi yikuphi ukuziphatha 'okujwayelekile' kanye 'nokulindelwe' 'komuntu'
• Ukucindezela kontanga: Owesilisa angase abe semandleni okwamukela ingcindezi yontanga evela emphakathini wakhe oseduze, okungase kube nguyena olungisa izimfuno zakhe zocansi.

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi amadoda, njengabesifazane, ahlukene ngezifiso, izidingo, kanye nezisusa zabo. Ukucabanga ukuthi wonke amadoda afuna ucansi ngokuvamile kwenza kube lula ubunkimbinkimbi bobulili bomuntu. Kubalulekile futhi ukuxhumana ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka nabalingani mayelana nezifiso zocansi kanye nalokho okulindelekile ukuze uqinisekise ubudlelwano bocansi obunempilo nokwanelisayo.

Yimaphi amathemba obulili emshadweni avamile?

Ucwaningo mayelana nokuvama kocansi okuvamile luthi ukuya ocansini kanye ngesonto kwanele nokuthi 'okuningi' kungase kungabi njalo kusho okungcono. Olunye ucwaningo , olushicilelwe ku-Archives of Sexual Behavior, luthi umuntu omdala waseMelika ovamile wenza ucansi izikhathi ezingu - 53 ngonyaka, noma okungaphezu kwesisodwa ngesonto.

Kodwa-ke, izifiso zobulili kanye nokuthandwayo kuzohluka kumuntu nomuntu, yingakho kungenakulungile futhi kungalungile ukwenza inombolo ibe jikelele ukuze uthole okulindelwe ocansini okufanele emshadweni. Ngoba lezi zifundo zithi kanye ngesonto kufanele kwanele, lokho akumenzi umlingani wakho ahlanye ukuthi azizwe ephethwe yizimpondo njalo ezinsukwini ezimbili.

Uhlala uzibuza ukuthi, “Kukangaki imibhangqwana eshadile ithandana?” noma “Kukangaki imibhangqwana ejabule ilala?” Lena akuyona imibuzo elula ukuyiphendula. Umshado ojabulisayo nonempilo ungase ungahlangani nenani lezikhathi umbhangqwana olala ngazo. Inkinga yomshado ivela lapho omunye umlingani edinga ucansi kaningi kunomunye, okwenza ‘ofuna ucansi’ azizwe enqatshiwe ngenxa yokufuna ucansi kodwa angalutholi kanye ‘nowenqabayo’ azizwe enecala lokuthi kungenzeka akamniki umlingani wakhe injabulo eyanele yomzimba futhi esaba ukuthi kungabangela umlingani onganelisekile ukuba amshiye noma akhohlisane.

Ngakho-ke, kungase kube usizo ukugwema ukugxila kulokho 'okuvamile'. Okungajwayelekile wukuthi izithandani zingabi nandlela yokubhekana nalolu buhlungu bokungahambelani kwezifiso zabo zocansi. Sikweluleka ukuthi uyeke ukugxila ekutheni yiliphi izinga lokulindela ucansi emshadweni 'elivamile', futhi esikhundleni salokho usebenzele ekudaleni isiteshi esivulekile esinempilo sokuxhumana nophathina wakho futhi uthole inombolo ekufanele ekusebenzelayo. Kodwa kanjani? Sizofika kulokho maduze nje.

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Izimpawu Zokuthi Unomyeni Ofuna Ucansi

Kulesi sigaba, ungase ungabaze ukuthi umlingani wakho uziphatha ngendlela evamile. Ungase uzibuze nokuthi lokhu kumane kuyindaba yobulili obungafani noma ukuthi unakho lokho umuntu okufanele akubize ngokuthi 'umyeni ofuna ucansi'. Kunezimpawu ezithile ezingakuqondisa esiphethweni esifanele. Ukuqaphela izimpawu zesithakazelo esikhulu socansi kungakuvumela ukuthi uthathe izinyathelo ezifanele zokuxazulula noma yikuphi ukungaqondani, kukusize ubeke imingcele ecacile, futhi kube lula izingxoxo mayelana nokwaneliseka nokwaneliseka kokubili ukuze wakhe ubudlelwano obunempilo.

Kufanele ukhumbule ukuthi ezinye zalezi zimpawu azizona izinkomba ezibonisa ukuthi isifiso sobulili somyeni wakho asinangqondo. Lezi zimpawu zisebenza ngokuhlanganyela nezinye izimpawu ukuze kube nesiphetho esinembe kakhudlwana:

• Ukuqala ucansi njalo: Oshade naye uvame ukuqala izenzo zocansi noma izingxoxo ngazo. Lokhu kubonisa izinga eliphezulu lentshisekelo ebudlelwaneni bocansi
• Ukuvuka okuphikelelayo: Kunezimpawu zokuvuka komzimba futhi awukwazi ukuziba. Ukuqhanyelwa noma izikhathi ezinde zokuvuka kwenkanuko yocansi kungase kuphakamise izidingo zocansi. Angase futhi azitike ngokuzivuselela noma ukushaya indlwabu njengoba efuna indawo yokufeza izidingo zakhe.
• Ulimi oluyela ngasocansini: Usebenzisa ulimi olusobala nolunokusikisela. Lokhu kungase kube ngasese noma ezindaweni zomphakathi, okuveza ukugxila kwakhe okwengeziwe ezindabeni zobulili kanye nesifiso sakhe sokusondelana ngokomzimba. Angase ahlanganyele njalo ezingxoxweni noma ezingxoxweni eziphathelene nezihloko zocansi, izintandokazi, namaphupho, okubonisa i-libido ephezulu kanye nesidingo.
• Uzwa ingcindezi yokuhlola: Uma umyeni wakho ofuna ucansi ehlala ezwakalisa intshisekelo eqinile yokuzama okusha izikhundla zocansi, amaphupho, noma okuhlangenwe nakho, kungase kubangele ukuba uzizwe ucindezelekile ukuba uye kuye ngokobulili ngaphezu kwalokho obungakwenza uma ushiyelwa ezifisweni zakho siqu. Angase angabi nesithakazelo nje ekwandiseni imvamisa kodwa futhi ezinhlobonhlobo
• Ukugxila okuphezulu ekuheheni ngokomzimba phezu kokuxhumana ngokomzwelo: Ijaha elifuna ucansi lizogcizelela kakhulu ukubukeka komzimba kanye nokukhanga, kunokuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Uzoncoma noma aphawule ngokubukeka kwakho njalo kakhulu kunokugxila esibophweni sakho esingokomzwelo kanye namagugu enabelana ngawo nobabili
• Ukuthathwa kwezinqumo okuhlangothi olulodwa ezindabeni ezihlobene nokusondelana: Ukwenza izinqumo ezihlangothini olulodwa mayelana nokwenza ucansi, ngaphandle kokucabangela imizwa yakho noma okuncamelayo, kungase kubonise ukunganakwa kwemvume nobabili kanye nokugxila okwengeziwe empilweni yakhe yocansi.
• Ukuveza ukukhungatheka ngokocansi ngokusebenzisa ulaka: Uma umlingani wakho ekhombisa ulaka kuwe, ephula, eshaya indiva imingcele yakho yocansi, usebenzisa ukukhwabanisa ebudlelwaneni ukukuphoqa ukuba ufeze izidingo zakhe, njengokukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, ukukuhlazisa, ukukusabisa ngokushiya, ukukopela, noma ukukuhlukumeza (uhlu alupheli), kuwuphawu olucacile olungaxoxiswana lokuthi umyeni wakho akagcini nje ngokufuna ucansi. Eqinisweni, lokhu kungase kuholele ecaleni lokudlwengulwa komshado, futhi kufanele ubeke kuqala ukuzivikela

QAPHELA : Abafazi abaningi bazokhononda bathi, “Umyeni wami ungiphoqa ukuba ngenze izinto.” Akulungile lokho! Nansi impendulo emfushane yemibuzo eminingi efanayo ehlobene nezinto ezimbi abanye besifazane abakhononda ngazo:

• Umyeni wami ungicindezela ngocansi. Kulungile? CHA.
• Umyeni wami uyangithinta uma ngilele. Kulungile? CHA.
• Umyeni wami unolaka kakhulu ocansini. Ingabe lokho kujwayelekile endodeni? CHA.
• Umyeni wami ufuna ucansi lomlomo nsuku zonke. Kujwayelekile lokho? CHA.
• Umyeni wami ufuna ngilale nenye indoda. Kulungile? CHA, ngaphandle uma nawe uyifuna.
• Umyeni wami ufuna ezintathu. Kulungile? CHA. Ngaphandle uma nawe uyakufuna.
• Ingabe umfazi angasho ukuthi 'cha' kumyeni wakhe? YEBO.

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Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokubhekana Nendoda Efuna Ucansi

Ngiyethemba ukuthi manje kufanele kucace kuwe ukuthi umyeni wakho unesikhwele esingenangqondo noma umane nje ungumuntu othanda ucansi kakhulu. Manje kufanele ucabange ngezinyathelo ezilandelayo. Uma ubhekene nomyeni ofuna ucansi noma cha, ubudlelwano bakho budinga ukuvula iziteshi zokuxhumana, ukubeka imingcele ecacile, nokugcina inhlonipho . Uma ubulokhu uzibuza ukuthi ungavumelana kanjani nomlingani wakho ngokocansi, nazi izindlela ezingu-11 zokwenza lokho:

1. Yisikhathi sokuzihlola

Ngaphambi kokuthi ufinyelele kumlingani wakho (uyazi ukuthi sizokweluleka ukuthi ukwenze lokho ngesinye isikhathi), udinga ukuthola ukuthi ukuphi ngempela mayelana nobudlelwano. Ungaqala ngokuziphendulela le mibuzo:

• Ingabe uthola umyeni wakho ekhanga? Lokhu kungase kube usizo uma isikhalazo sakho sithi “Angifuni ukulala nomyeni wami”
• Uma kungenjalo, ucabanga ukuthi yini ebangele ukuba ulahlekelwe isithakazelo?
• Yini oyithola ikhanga endodeni?
• Iyiphi inqubo yakho yocansi efanelekile?
• Ingabe ukusondelana ngokuvamile kukwenza ungakhululeki? Ingabe unayo izindaba zokusondelana?
• Ingabe une-asexual? (Kulungile ngokuphelele ukuba njalo!)
• Ingabe umlingani wakho ukwenza uzizwe uhlonishwa kwezinye izici zokuphila kwakho?
• Uma uthi, “Umyeni wami uyangifela ngobulili,” ingabe ukunaka ubulili kungabhekwa njengokuthopha? Noma ingabe igxile ekubeni nokungahloniphi?

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2. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba vs ucansi: Ingabe lowo umsuka wezinkinga zakho?

Kuvamile ukuphambanisa 'ukusondelana ngokomzimba' 'nokusondelana ngokocansi,' okungaba imbangela yosizi lwakho lobudlelwano. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kungabandakanya ukuthintana ngokomzimba okungezona ezocansi, njengokugona, ukubambana ngezandla, ukuqabula, ukuphulula, ukuphulula izinwele, ukwanga, ukulala ngomhlane noma izinyawo ukuthintana, nokunye okuningi. Iseluleko sethu esibaluleke kakhulu esokuchitha isikhathi ndawonye siqonda umehluko.

Uvame ukuzitshela ukuthi, “Umyeni wami ufuna ukuba nami ngaso sonke isikhathi,” noma ubuze, “Kungani umyeni wami enesithakazelo kimi ngokocansi kuphela?” Kuthiwani uma umyeni wakho ofuna ucansi oluningi efuna ukusondelana ngokomzimba futhi engazi enye indlela yokukufuna? Unalokho okubizwa ngokuthi ulimi lothando lokuthinta ngokomzimba , kodwa akanalo ukuvuthwa ngokomzwelo kokucabanga okungaphezu kokukuphumputha noma ukushaya isinqe sakho ngokuhlekisa. Asisho ukuthi ulungile, kodwa ukuqaphela lokhu njengenkinga kungaba yindawo enhle yokuqala.

Ngokufanayo, nawe kungenzeka ukuthi awuzifundi kahle izimpawu zakhe, ikakhulukazi uma uhlushwa izinkinga zokusondelana. Uma ekusondeza, kungenzeka ukuthi akakuceli ucansi. Noma kungenzeka ukuthi uveza amaphupho akhe ocansi ngoba efuna ukwazi eyakho. Nokho, ungumahluleli ongcono kakhulu wezimo zakho nemizwa yakho. Uma ukuziphatha kwakhe kukwenza ungakhululeki, udinga ukukhuluma naye.

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3. Yiba nengxoxo evulekile

Abesifazane bavame ukubuza, “Kungani umyeni wami enesithakazelo kimi ngokocansi kuphela?” Umlingani wakho angaphendula lokho kangcono. Uma usuzizwa uqiniseka kakhulu ngemicabango yakho, qala ingxoxo eqotho. Ungasebenzisa leli thuba ukuveza imizwa yakho, izidingo zakho, kanye nokukhathazeka kwakho mayelana nokuvama kokwenza ucansi kanye nokucindezeleka nokucindezeleka okwakheke ebuhlotsheni benu. Uma ubulokhu uzizwa ucindezelekile, noma uma ekwenza uzizwe unecala, mtshele lokho, esikhundleni sokuzibandakanya ocansini olunesihawu . Ukwabelana ngombono wakho kungamsiza aqonde umbono wakho.

Mbuze ukuthi ufunani. Lusho ukuthini kuye ucansi? Yini azama ukuyiveza uma ekunikeza 'ukubukeka'? Mhlawumbe ufuna ukunconywa nje futhi. Futhi njengoba uqaphile, awukwazanga ukwenza kanjalo ngokwanele. Uzizwa kanjani uma uthi 'cha'? Ingabe ikhona indlela engcono yokuthi 'cha'? Ndawonye, ​​ningafinyelela empandeni yezidingo zomyeni wakho kanye nezithiyo zenu, futhi mhlawumbe nifinyelele indawo ephakathi.

QAPHELA : Khuluma nomlingani wakho ngaphandle kwendawo yocansi. Ungabeki 'ingxoxo' njengempendulo yezenzo noma izimfuno zakhe, kungenjalo, cishe uzozivikela, futhi uzobe uhlela inkulumo yokwehluleka.

4. Zama ukufika endaweni ephakathi

Ingabe ukuvumelana kuyakusebenzela? Sizwe. Uma umlingani wakho efuna ucansi njalo ebusuku futhi ulufuna kanye ngesonto, ukuzama ukusondela izikhathi ezi-2 ngesonto kungase kukusebenzele. Kodwa-ke, ukuthola indawo emaphakathi akudingi njalo ukuthi kube ukuhlukaniswa komtholampilo kwemvamisa.

Lokhu kungase futhi kumayelana nokunye ukukhathazeka. Ubani oqala ucansi? Ubani oncoma umzimba? Ubani owenza omunye azizwe ekhanga futhi efiseleka? Ubani owenza imizamo ebuhlotsheni ukunonga? Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuyingxenye ebaluleke ngokulinganayo yezinhlobo ezahlukene zokusondelana eziqinisa ubuhlobo, futhi umzamo wokubuqinisa kufanele uqhamuke nhlangothi zombili ngokulinganayo.

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5. Beka imingcele yakho yocansi

Ukwazi amazinga okunethezeka komunye nomunye kanye nemingcele uma kuziwa ekusondelaneni ngokocansi kubaluleke kakhulu. Ukubeka phansi lokho okulungile noma okungalungile ngocansi kuyindlela yokubonisa inhlonipho. Nokho, khumbula lokhu okulandelayo lapho uhlezi ukuze ukhulume naye:

• Ukwazi ukuthi yini oyijabulelayo noma engakuphathi kahle kuthatha ukuhlola nokuhlolisisa kahle. Khuthaza umyeni wakho ukuba enze okufanayo
• Uma uke wazizwa unengcindezi, khuluma ngokuvuma. Udinga ukukulungisa ukuthi umlingani wakho akakwazi ukuzizwa enelungelo lomzimba wakho. Uthando alunikezi umuntu ilungelo ungakunaki imvume
• Beka imingcele efana nokucacisa ukuthi iziphi izenzo zocansi ezingavunyelwe noma ukuchaza izikhathi zokuhlangana ngokocansi
• Ukumisa imingcele ecacile bese uyayihlonipha kuzosiza ukudala ukwethembana komunye nomunye. Lokhu kuzothuthukisa isimo ebudlelwaneni benu lapho nobabili nizizwa nikhululekile ukuveza izidingo nezifiso zenu
• Imingcele yezocansi iyashintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Lapho ukwethembana okwanele kuvela, nobabili ningase nilunge ngokuhlola izifiso zomunye nomunye futhi nithole ukuthi nijabulela into eningakaze nicabange ukuthi ningayenza.

6. Funda ukuthi 'cha' kanjani ngaphandle kokumlimaza

Uma uthi, “Umyeni wami uyakhala uma ngithi ‘cha’,” kusobala ukuthi ucasukile noma ukhathazekile ngokulimaza imizwa yomlingani wakho. Ake sithi umyeni wakho akasaqhubeki nemingcele yakho njengoba enza, futhi usefundile ukuthi angakucela kanjani ucansi ngendlela okhululekile ngayo. Uma enza kanjalo, futhi wena ungekho esimweni sengqondo, umtshela kanjani ukuthi ‘cha’ , ungenacala?

• Ithi 'cha' endaweni yozwela. Uzwela luzokuvumela ukuba ukhulume usendaweni yothando kunokuba ukhulume endaweni enecala nokuzivikela
• Uma kungenzeka, nikeza ezinye izindlela zokuxhuma, njengokugeza ndawonye noma ukuhamba ngezinyawo
• Uma udinga isikhathi uwedwa, veza ngokucacile ukuthi udinga isikhathi sakho futhi usho ukuthi uzobuya
• Umqondo uwukuthi 'cha' akudingekile ukuthi asho ukwenqatshwa noma ukuzizwa engumuntu siqu. Uma kwenziwa kahle, angaqonda ukuthi ufuna ukuxhumana naye, hhayi nje ngokocansi (noma mhlawumbe hhayi manje)

7. Gcizelela ukusondelana ngokomzwelo

Ingabe "umyeni wami ufuna ucansi kodwa hhayi ukusondelana" isikhalazo sakho esikhulu? Kungase kudingeke umsize abone ukuthi ukuxhumana okujulile okungokomzwelo kuyothuthukisa ukwaneliseka okuphelele komshado. Lokhu, kuzodala ukukhululeka nokunethezeka, kwenze ozakwethu bathambekele kakhulu ekusondeleni. Phakamisa ukugxila kwikhwalithi yezikhathi zakho ezisondelene kunokuba nje ube nenani.

Ungaxoxa futhi ucabange ngemisebenzi ongayenza ukuze wakhe ubudlelwano obungokomzwelo emshadweni wakho ngaphandle kokuholela esenzweni socansi. Ubulili obuncane nesikhathi esiningi esingcono kungasiza ngokumangalisayo ekulinganiseni amandla obudlelwano bocansi.

Umngane wake wangitshela ukuthi umyeni wakhe, engxoxweni eshubile mayelana nendaba efanayo yokungafanelani ngokobulili, wayethe kuye, “Kulungile, ngiyasiphusha siye ocansini, ngenze ukusikisela, ukuhlela izinto, ukusikisela imibono. Lesi kwakuyisikhathi esibuhlungu kuye. Wabona ukuthi, ngokuma kwakhe ukuzivikela, wayeseyekile ukuqalisa noma yiluphi uhlobo lokusondelana, futhi lokhu kwakulimaza ubuhlobo bakhe.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Zesexwayiso Zokuntuleka Kokuxhumana Kwemizwa Ebudlelwaneni

8. Hlola ubumnandi ngale kocansi

Uma isiphakamiso esibonakalayo esivela kumlingani wakho sisho ukuthi, “Manje sekuyisikhathi sokuqabulana, ukuphuthaza okulandelayo, emva kwalokho ngomlomo, bese kuba okwasekhaya,” ukuqagela kuba yisicefe ngemva kwephuzu, okwenza kube nzima ukujabulela ucansi. Futhi isixazululo akukona nje ukushova ukulandelana kulokhu. Uzodinga ukukhuthaza ukuhlola ubumnandi ngale kocansi noma isenzo socansi.

Gxila emisebenzini ekhuthaza ukusondelana nenjabulo, ekhuthaza indlela ephelele yokwaneliseka. Ukubhucunga, ukudlala amaphupho ocansi, ukufunda izincwadi ezivusa inkanuko, ukuba nezingxoxo ezijulile , ukugeza ndawonye, ​​​​ukugeza ngamabhamuza, amathoyizi ocansi — lezi zinto zingaphula indlela eyisicefe yocansi.

9. Hlukanisa 'ukubukeka' kwezocansi. Nansi indlela...

'Ukubukeka' okuyela ngasocansini (kumiselenise ngokusheshisa ucansi komyeni wakho) okuvela kumlingani wakho kungase kubulale imizwa futhi kukubangele ukuba uqine. Ngoba iza nombono womphumela ohlale ucansi. Futhi nakuba ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi usondelane ngokomzimba nomlingani wakho, ungase ungafuni 'ukushaya utshani' ngaso sonke isikhathi. Nobabili, njengombhangqwana, nidinga ukuhlukanisa 'ukubukeka' nomphumela wokugcina. Ukwenza kanjani lokho?

Yenzani imisebenzi egxile ekusondeleni ngokomzimba kodwa ningakwenzi lokho ocansini. Vumelani ukungezwani kukhule. Shintshanani ukubukeka, hlambani ndawonye, ​​​​bese nigqoka kahle bese niya emsebenzini. Ngemva kosuku olude lomsebenzi, lungisani isaladi ninqunu nomlingani wakho bese niyidla kusofa, nihleke ndawonye, ​​nixoxe ngosuku lwenu, nenze izinhlelo zempelasonto, kodwa 'ningashayi amabhuzu enu'. Uma senikwenzile lokhu ngokwanele, 'ukubukeka' kuzoyeka ukwesabisa.

10. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Uma usazithola uthi, “Umyeni wami ungicindezela ngokobulili” noma “Umyeni wami umatasa ngami ngokobulili,” ngokuqinisekile kufanele ufune usizo lochwepheshe. Uma le misho isho ukuthi uzizwa ungaphephile ngokomzimba, kufanele uxhumane nochwepheshe ngocingo losizo lokuhlukumeza ngokushesha. Uma ungenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi uzizwa kanjani ngengcindezi yocansi ebuhlotsheni bakho, kungcono ngaso sonke isikhathi ukwenza iphutha ohlangothini lokuqapha.

Uma unomuzwa wokuthi akunjalo, kodwa ukuxhumana nomyeni wakho kubonakale kuyinselele, funa usizo lochwepheshe kumelaphi wocansi noma umeluleki womshado noma kunjalo. Ukwelulekwa komuntu ngamunye kungakusiza ukuthi uhlele imicabango yakho futhi uthole indlela yokukhuluma nomlingani wakho. Uma ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho uzokumela, ukwelulekwa kwabashadile kungakunikeza indawo ephephile yokuxoxa ngezinto ezikukhathazayo futhi bakhe amasu okubhekana nalolu daba.

Uma uyidinga, iphaneli yabeluleki abanolwazi beBonobology ingakunikeza umbono wobungcweti ovame ukufanelana nokubhekana nezinkinga zomshado. Ukubona udokotela wezokwelapha kuzokusiza nangephuzu elilandelayo!

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukwelulekwa Ngomshado Kusebenza Kanjani Ukuxazulula Izinkinga Zobudlelwano?

11. Nakekela impilo yakho engokwengqondo, engokomzwelo, nengokomzimba

… okungcono nophathina wakho. Ziningi izinzuzo zokuthatha le ndlela. Umthelela wengcindezi kuzo zombili izinhlobo zama-libido - kokubili okusebenzayo nokungalali - mkhulu. Ukusebenza ndawonye ukuze ulawule izingcindezi kungadambisa ingcindezi ezidingweni zocansi futhi kuthuthukise intshisekelo yocansi. Lapho senziwe ndawonye, ​​kungaba indlela enhle yokuba imibhangqwana eshadile ichithe isikhathi esihle ndawonye futhi ibe nomgomo ofanayo. Ungazama okulandelayo:

• Ukuzivocavoca nokunyakaza: Imisebenzi ethuthukisa umzimba wakho ingasiza ukuthuthukisa ubudlelwano bakho nomzimba wakho futhi ikuvumele ucansi olungcono
• Ukudla kangcono: Ukudla ukudla okunomsoco akwenelisi umzimba wakho nje kuphela, kuwulimi lothando oluphelele kuwe. Kukugqugquzela ukuthi uhlanganyele ekunyakazeni
• I-Journaling: Ikusiza ukuthi uhlukanise imicabango yakho futhi ikuvumela ukuthi uzazi kangcono
• Ukubona umelaphi: Ukubonisana nomelaphi kungase kukusize ubhekane nanoma yikuphi ukuhlukumezeka okujulile okungenzeka kuthinte ukuziphatha komlingani wakho kanye/noma izimpendulo zakho.
• Ukukhulisa izinto zokuzilibazisa: Chitha isikhathi wenza izinto ozithandayo ukuze ukhulise umoya wakho futhi uthuthukise ubudlelwano bakho
• Ukwakha isistimu yokusekela: Ungakhohlwa ukuxhumana nomndeni nabangane. Bangaba umugqa wokuqala wosizo ngezikhathi ezinzima

Ushintsho ekuziphatheni komyeni wakho ofuna ucansi oluningi ngeke lwenzeke ngobusuku obubodwa. Futhi kungase kudingeke ubekezele. Kodwa sihlome ngala mathuluzi, sithemba ukuthi ungabhekana nalesi sithiyo ebuhlotsheni bakho. Khumbula, ubudlelwano bonke buhlukile, futhi lezi ziphakamiso kufanele zilungiselelwe izimo zakho ezithile. Isihluthulelo ukugcina ukukhulumisana okuvulekile, ukuba nobudlelwano bozwela , nokubonisa ukuzimisela ukuqonda nokusekela izidingo zomunye nomunye.

Futhi akudingekile ukusho, uma umlingani wakho ephula imingcele yakho ngobudlova, noma ezibandakanya kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lobudlova - ngokomzimba, ngamazwi, noma ngokomzwelo - kufanele uthole usizo ngokushesha.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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