Ukuziphendulela Ebudlelwaneni - Incazelo, Ukubaluleka, kanye Nezindlela Zokuzijwayeza

Ukuthatha kanjani ukuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni? Lo mbuzo ungikhumbuza amazwi eculo elidumile likaCalvin Harris, “Awuboni yini? Ngakhohliswa; kwadingeka ngimngenise emnyango. O, ngangingenayo enye indlela kulokhu; ngangiwumngane ayemkhumbula. Wayedinga ukuba ngikhulume. Ngakho-ke beka icala ebusuku. Ungakusoli kimina.”

Hhayi-ke, ukuziphendulela kuphambene ngokuphelele nalokhu. Awukusoli ngobusuku, ngandlela thize. Futhi awukusoli neze ekukhohliseni. Isikhathi esiningi, uyazikhethela. Futhi ukuthi uvuma kanjani lezo zinketho ngokuzazi okwanele kukhombisa ukuthi uziphendulela kangakanani ebudlelwaneni bakho. Uyazibuza ukuthi kuyini ukubaluleka kokuziphendulela emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni? Noma umi kuphi ku-spectrum yokuziphendulela kobudlelwane noma uma kuthatha ubuhlakani bomzwelo ukuwenza?

Ake sifunde kabanzi ngalokhu ngosizo lomqeqeshi wezempilo ngokomzwelo kanye nokuzindla uPooja Priyamvada (oqinisekiswe kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela eJohns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye naseNyuvesi yaseSydney). Ugxile ekwelulekeni ngokobulili obungaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, kanye nokulahlekelwa, ukubala okumbalwa. Uzocacisa kabanzi ukuthi ungaziphendulela kanjani nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze uma umlingani wakho enqaba ukuziphendulela.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuziphendulela Ebudlelwaneni?

Lapho ebuzwa ukuthi, “Kuyini ukuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni futhi umuntu oyedwa angakubonisa kanjani?”, uPooja waphendula wathi, “Ukuthatha ubunikazi noma ukuziphendulela kusho ukuthi wabelana ngengxenye yakho futhi wamukele umthwalo wemfanelo wokwenza lobo budlelwano busebenze ngendlela esebenzayo nenempilo.” Ukwethembeka nokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni kumayelana nokuzihlola esikhundleni sokungena esimweni sokuba necala noma sokusola. Uhambo lokuthola ukuthi ungakuziphendulela kanjani ebudlelwaneni luqala ngokuzibuza imibuzo embalwa kunokudlala umdlalo wokusola,

• Kunjani kimi lokhu?
• Ngidlale yiphi indima?
• Ngingafundani kulokhu?  

Ukwamukela ukuziphendulela ngokuyisisekelo kusho ukuvuma kanye nokuzibophezela ngokugcwele ngezenzo zakho. Ngezinye izikhathi, lapho ingxabano ishisa, asiwamukeli amaphutha ethu, nakuba, ekujuleni, sazi ukuthi singase senze iphutha ngenxa yokuntula ukuzazi. Lezi yizimpawu ezimbalwa zokushoda kokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni.

Ukuze sibe namandla, sigxila wonke amandla ethu ekuzibonakaliseni silungile futhi sishintshele icala komunye umuntu. Yilapho-ke lapho kudingeka sizibuze, “Yini ebaluleke kakhulu, umdlalo wamandla noma ubuhlobo uqobo?” Ukuyeka ubugovu bakho ngenxa yempilo yesibopho sakho ne-SO yakho kungenye yezibonelo eziningi zokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni.

Khumbula, ukuguquguquka kokuziphendulela uma kuqhathaniswa nokusolwa ebudlelwaneni kubathinta kakhulu impilo yabo yonke kanye nokuzinza. Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, ukuziphendulela kuhilela ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngengxenye yakho esimweni, kuyilapho ukusola kuvame ukugxila ekukhombaneni ngeminwe nasekubekeni iphutha, okuholela ekungqubuzaneni okwengeziwe.

Manje, ake sizinike isikhathi sokuzindla ngalokhu. Ingabe unguzakwethu ongakwazi ukuziphendulela? Ingabe ungumuntu ogxile kuphela ekubambeni umuntu aziphendulele ebudlelwaneni? Ingabe lokhu kuziphatha kunomthelela ebudlelwaneni bakho, obungase bubufikise onqenqemeni lokuba yingozi? "Ubuthi obubi kakhulu," kusho u-Pooja, "ukweqa imingcele yomlingani, ukweqa imvume yabo nokuzimela. Uma omunye wabalingani ezizwa encishisiwe noma e-claustrophobic kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo, bobabili abalingani kufanele bacabange ngembangela yakho." 

Kubaluleke Kangakanani Ukuziphendulela Ebudlelwaneni?

Manje njengoba sesiqonda ukuthi ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo kuyini, ake sizame ukuthola ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukubonisa umthwalo wemfanelo ebudlelwaneni nokuthi kungani. Ukuze siqonde ukubaluleka kwawo, ake sihambisane nomqondo wokuba nesibopho kuNkulunkulu (naphezu kwezinkolelo zakho zenkolo, lalela nathi). Ngokusho kocwaningo , abantu ababezibophezele kuNkulunkulu bathola injabulo enkulu kanye nenhlalakahle ekuphileni kwabo.

Ngemuva kwakho konke, iphuzu lokuziphendulela liqala ukuzazi iqiniso lokuthi izenzo zethu zinemiphumela nokuthi umdlalo wokusola ngeke uzixazulule. Ngakho-ke, ukwamukela isibopho salokho kuyadingeka. Yilokhu ukubaluleka kokuziphendulela okuhle ebudlelwaneni nakho kugxila kukho. Ingafingqwa ngokuthi: 

• Kwenza umlingani wakho azizwe ebonwa, ezwa, futhi ehlonishwa
• Umlingani wakho akacabangi ukuthi ubudlelwano bubheke ohlangothini olulodwa futhi uyena kuphela owenza wonke umsebenzi
• Kukwenza ube ngumuntu onozwelo, onozwela, futhi ophayo. Ufunda ukungena ezicathulweni zabanye
• Kukwenza ube umuntu ozaziyo njengoba uqhubeka nokuthola izindlela ongakhula ngazo
• Kwenyusa ukwethenjwa, ukwethembeka, ukuvuleleka, ukuba sengozini, nokwethembeka

Ukuntula Ukuziphendulela Ebudlelwaneni Kulimaza Kanjani?

U-Pooja wabelana ngesifundo esithakazelisayo esimayelana nezimpawu zokuntula ukuziphendulela ebuhlotsheni bothando. “Ukungaziphenduleli kudala ukungathembani nokungakhulumisani kahle, okuholela ezingxabanweni.” Umyeni wentatheli yekhasimende (onomsebenzi omningi wokujikeleza) ubengafuni ukumtshela ukuthi ukuphi, ubelokhu emtshela ukuthi lokhu kwamkhathaza kodwa akazange akunake lokho. 

“Waqala ezitshela ukuthi uyajola, waqala ukufuna izindlela zokungena ecashile ocingweni lwakhe nasezinsizeni nokwaholela ezingxabanweni eziningi ezingenasidingo emshadweni wakhe. Ekuqaleni wayekhathazeke ngokuphepha kwakhe kodwa kwaqubuka kwehluke ngokuphelele,” usho kanje.

Uma abantu bethweswa icala ngezenzo zabo ebudlelwaneni, kudala isisekelo sokwethembana nokuzibophezela okunomthelela empilweni yabo yonke nasekuzinzeni. Ngakho-ke, uma ubona izimpawu zokushoda kokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni bothando, kungcono usebenzele kuzo ngaphambi kokuba ziqale ukulimaza nokuphehla izinto ngokulingana. Njengoba kusobala esibonelweni esingenhla, izimpawu zokushoda kokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni ziholela kulokhu:

• Ukungazi, ukuphika, ukuphambuka, ukusola umdlalo, nezaba (uma kukhulunywa ngamaphutha)
• Ukungakwazi ukuyekethisa ekungavumelanini
• Ukuziphatha kobugovu kanye ukugxeka
• Izingxabano ezengeziwe, ukucasuka, namagqubu
• Ukuntula ukuvuthwa, ukulungisa, umusa, nenhlonipho

Ungakwenza Kanjani Ukuziphendulela Ebudlelwaneni — Amathiphu ayi-15

Manje kuza umbuzo obiza izigidi zamaRandi: indlela yokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni? Njenganoma yini enye ehilela ubudlelwano babantu, ayikho impendulo eyodwa kulokhu. Ukuziphendulela kungasho izinto ezahlukene emibhangqwaneni ehlukene. Iphuzu elibalulekile ukuthi uma nje kukhona umuzwa womthwalo wemfanelo kumlingani kanye nempilo ejwayelekile yobudlelwano, ungathi unesibopho ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Kukhona ucwaningo oluthakazelisayo olubonisa ukuthi amakhalenda abiwe ayindlela yokwenza ukuzibophezela ebuhlotsheni obuseduze. Ngokusho kwaleli phepha, ububanzi bokuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni bumayelana nokuzibophezela kumlingani wakho (ngokuziphatha kwakho kwesikhathi esidlule, okwamanje, kanye nesikhathi esizayo). Ake sibheke ukuthi lokho kuhunyushwa kanjani kube yizenzo zansuku zonke ngala macebiso okuthi ungabonisa kanjani ukuthi unesibopho.

1. Qala kancane

Echaza ngesidingo sokuqala kancane, uPooja uthi, “Kudingeka uqaphele ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho bubaluleke kangakanani kuwe. Mhlawumbe qala ngezenzo ezincane zothando . Xolisa ngezinto ezincane ukuze uqiniseke futhi ube nesibopho ebudlelwaneni. Zikhumbuze ukuthi umlingani wakho ubalulekile kuwe kanye nemizwa yakhe. Yiba qotho ngamaphutha akho. Uma ungakwazi ukukhuluma ngqo, wabhale phansi bese wabelana ngawo nomlingani wakho.” Isibonelo, “Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi angikwazanga ukuthatha isilwane sethu sihambe naso namuhla. Ngiyabonga ngokusihambisa. Ngiyabonga.”

2. Beka imithetho nemingcele ecacile

“Kudingeka kubekwe imithetho ecacile kanye nemingcele yemizwa ukuze umlingani ngamunye abe nesibopho ngokuzenzakalelayo futhi ndawonye nikwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhle. Lokhu kumele kwenziwe lapho nobabili nizolile futhi nizinzile. Ukusolana kanye nokuthethisana ngentukuthelo akuxazululi lutho,” kusho uPooja.

Uma ungakwazi ukuziphendulela, ungase usho izinto ezinjengokuthi, "Kungani kuhlale kuyiphutha lami? Ulokhu ukhomba izinkinga kimi." Ukuze wenze ushintsho, zama enye indlela yokubuyisana bese uthi, “Ungangichazela ukuthi yini ekukhathazayo ngezenzo zami?”

3. Sebenza ngokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni nsuku zonke

UPooja uyeluleka, “Ukuziphendulela kuba umkhuba uma ubheka ubudlelwano njengobubalulekile ngokwanele ukuba usebenzele kukho. Nsuku zonke, zama ukuqinisekisa ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nivumelana ngezinto ezivamile kanye nezinto ezibalulekile. Qiniseka ukuthi kukhona ukuxhumana okuvulekile kanye nesikhathi esisetshenziswayo ukuze kube lula lokhu kuxhumana, okungagxili nje kuphela endleleni yokwenza umuntu abe nesibopho ebudlelwaneni kodwa futhi kuhilela nokubheka ngaphakathi.”

Esinye sezibonelo zokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni singaba, "Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi angizange nginikeze lobu budlelwano isikhathi esanele kamuva nje. Ngiyakuvuma futhi ngokuqinisekile ngizozama ngakho konke okusemandleni ami ukuthatha isikhathi." Zinike isikhathi nsuku zonke ukuze ube nengxoxo ezuzisayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umatasa kangakanani. Lungisa isikhathi esithile ekhalendeni lakho. Ukuba lapho nomunye ngaphandle kweziphazamiso yikho konke okubalulekile.

4. Akudingeki uguqule ubuntu bakho obuyisisekelo

UPooja uveza ngokufanelekile ukuthi, “Wonke umuntu kumelwe avume ukuthi eminye imikhuba emibi iyakufanelekela ukushintsha. Ngokwesibonelo, uma umlingani wakho efuna ungabhemi, mhlawumbe kuyafaneleka ukuzama ukuyeka noma ukubunciphisa okungenani. Kodwa ubuntu obuyisisekelo abunakushintshwa futhi lokho kumelwe kucace kubo bonke. Ngokungashintshi ubuntu bakho bangaphakathi, ubonisa ukuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni ngendlela eyiqiniso kakhulu. 

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5. Buza umlingani wakho ukuthi umi kuphi futhi ufunani

Ukuze uziphendulele kakhudlwana komunye nomunye, udinga ukuvumelanisa futhi uqonde ukuthi omunye umuntu ufunani ebudlelwaneni. Ukwenza lokho kube lula, ungabuza imibuzo efana nalena:

• Ucabanga ukuthi simi kuphi ebudlelwaneni bethu? 
• Ngokusho kwakho, yini engekho ebudlelwaneni bethu?
• Yini engingayithuthukisa noma ngenze izinguquko kuyo?
• Yini ekwenza uzizwe uthandwa?
• Uyini angizimisele ukuyekethisa?
• Yiziphi izinyathelo esingazithatha ukwenza ukuphila komunye nomunye kube lula?

6. Yiba yisilaleli esihle futhi unganikezi izixazululo

Enye yezindlela zokubonisa ukuziphendulela emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni iwukulalela ngenkuthalo, ngesineke nangozwela. Uma umlingani wakho ebhekene nesikhathi esinzima, akamdingi umnakekeli noma umxazululi wezinkinga. Abakudingayo nje umuntu ongaba khona ngenxa yabo, abalalele ngesineke ngendlela engathathi hlangothi, evulekile, engahluleli, futhi enakisise. Ukuba khona ngempela kumuntu kuzwakala kulula, kodwa empeleni, kuyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu kunalokho.

7. Qaphela izinkinga zabo ezingakaxazululwa

Uma ubonisa ukuziphendulela okuhle ebudlelwaneni, kubalulekile ukuzwelana nokulimala komuntu ebuntwaneni kanye nezingxabano eziningana engqondweni yakhe. Uma umlingani wakho eke wabhekana noma wabona ukuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo, ngokomzwelo, noma ngokocansi ngesikhathi ekhula, ungamkhuthaza ukuba ajoyine iqembu lontanga, elingasebenza njengendawo yakhe ephephile nethembekile yokusebenza ngokubhekana nokulimala kwakhe. Lokhu kuyisibonakaliso sobudlelwano obunempilo.

Ngezinye izikhathi, bangase bazizwe beshukunyiswa ngenxa yemithwalo yabo engokomzwelo futhi baveze izinkinga zabo kuwe. Kodwa ukuze ufunde ukuthi ungaziphendulela kanjani ebuhlotsheni, udinga ukuzikhumbuza ukuthi ungazithatheli mathupha. Akuhlangene nawe nakho konke okuphathelene nokungazethembi kwabo kanye nobudlelwano babo nabo ngokwabo.

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8. Kuvuleleke ukugxekwa

Enye yezindlela ezibaluleke kakhulu zokubonisa ukuziphendulela ukuba nezimo ngokwanele ukuze ufake ukugxekwa okwakhayo. Ngakho-ke, uma umlingani wakho ekutshela ukuthi ungasebenzela ekubeni nesimilo kakhudlwana empilweni yakho yomuntu siqu neyomsebenzi, ungazivikeleli, ungazigodli, noma ubonise ukungabi nenhlonipho . Esikhundleni sokuthatha amazwi abo enhliziyweni, babheke njengethuba lokuzithuthukisa. Ukungavuleki ekugxekweni kungenye yezimpawu zokuntuleka kokuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni.

9. Gcina izibopho 

Ukugcina izithembiso zakho zilingana nokukhombisa umlingani wakho ukuthi angathembela kuwe, njengengoma eyintandokazi engalokothi ikuphoxe. Ukwethembeka kwakha ukwethembana, futhi ukwethembana kufana nengcina ebamba ubuhlobo bakho ndawonye, ​​bubenze buqine futhi bujabule kakhudlwana. Ngakho-ke, uma uthi uzokwenza okuthile, nikela ngakho konke ukuze kwenzeke!

10. Ukungena njalo

Cabanga ngokungena njengokulungisa ibhayisikili ukuze liqhubeke lisebenza kahle. Izingxoxo ezivamile azisizi nje kuphela ekuthuthukiseni ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho kodwa futhi zilungisa noma yiziphi izinkinga ezincane ngaphambi kokuba zibe izinkinga ezinkulu, njengokubanjwa umkhuhlane ngaphambi kokuba ube mubi kakhulu. Kufana nengxoxo enobungane egcina isitimela sisemzileni ofanele.

11. Msekele

Ukuzijwayeza ukuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni bakho kuhilela ukunikeza ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo lapho umlingani wakho ebhekene nanoma yiziphi izinkinga. Ngokuba umthombo wabo wamandla othembekile, uhlakulela ukwethembana, futhi lokhu kwethembana kuqinisa ukuxhumana kwenu. Ngakho-ke, ngezikhathi ezinzima, yiba khona okusekelayo okuqinisa ubuhlobo bakho.

12. Funa impendulo

Ngisho nezifundo zibonisa ukuthi uma impendulo inikezwa ngenhlonipho nangezinhloso ezinhle, ingakhuthaza umuntu ukuba athuthuke. Ukufuna impendulo kufana nokucela iziqondiso endleleni eya ebuhlotsheni obungcono. Uma ubonisa isithakazelo sangempela endleleni ongathuthuka ngayo, kufana nokutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi, “Ngizimisele ukukujabulisa.” Kufana nokwengeza imibala eminingi kukhanvasi yakho yothando, ukudala ubuciko benjabulo ndawonye.

13. Gwema ukuzivikela 

Uma umlingani wakho eveza inkinga, gwema isifiso sokubeka izindonga . Ukuqonda umehluko phakathi kokuziphendulela nokusola ebudlelwaneni kungaholela ekuxazululeni izingxabano okuphumelelayo kanye nokuxhumana okuqinile ngokomzwelo. Kunalokho, zama ukungena ezicathulweni zakhe bese ubona izinto ngombono wakhe. Kufana nokuvula umnyango wezixazululo ezakhayo, usize ubudlelwano bakho buqine ngokubhekana nezinkinga ndawonye, ​​​​njengabantu ababili abaguquguqukayo.

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14. Xazulula izinkinga ndawonye

Kuyini ukuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni uma kungeyona indlela yokuqinisa isibopho senu nokwakha ubudlelwano obuhle? Ngakho-ke uma kuvela izinselele, zibhekaneni njengeqembu. Kufana nokuthi nobabili nihlanganisa amakhanda ukuze nixazulule iphazili. Ukuxazulula izinkinga eceleni kuqinisa isibopho senu, okwenza ubudlelwano benu bube yiqembu lokusekelana nokuqondana.

15. Xolisa ngobuqotho 

Uma ubangele ubuhlungu, ukuxolisa ngobuqotho kufana nokulungisa ingxenye ephukile ngokucophelela. Ukuveza ukuzisola kwakho, ukuqaphela ubuhlungu, kanye nokufuna ngempela ukulungisa izinto kufana nokufaka umuthi wokuphulukisa ebuhlotsheni bakho. Kuwubuciko bokwakha kabusha ukwethembana, ukuxolisa okusuka enhliziyweni ngesikhathi. Ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo kuyisithako esiyinhloko sokugcina ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo obakhelwe ebuhlotsheni obungokomzwelo, ukwethembana, nokuqonda.

Kubalulekile ukuthi imibhangqwana ibhekane nokuziphendulela ngokumelene nokusolwa ebudlelwaneni ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka ukuze bakhe ukwethembana nokugcina ubudlelwano obunempilo. Ukuqhubekela phambili, ake siphethe ngamazwi ashiwo nguCrystal Renaud: “Njengoba nje ukuvuma izono kusho ukukhuluma ngendlovu egumbini, ukuziphendulela kumayelana nokuvumela othile ukuthi akusize ulwe nendlovu.” Khumbula, le mpi ngeke iyinqobe ngokudlala umdlalo wokusolana kodwa kuphela ngobuqiniso nokwethembeka. 

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