Indlela Yokuxolisa Kumfana Wakho: Izindlela ezingu-15

Ukuzulazula endaweni yobudlelwano akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi. Njenganoma yiluphi olunye uhambo, ngezinye izikhathi sibhekana nobunzima, ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa ngokuxolisa ebudlelwaneni. Uma ulapha ngoba ufuna izindlela zokuxolisa isoka lakho, sikusizile. Uchwepheshe wethu uJyoti Dadlani usikhumbuza ukuthi ungathola indlela yothando kakhulu yokuxolisa isoka lakho ngemva kokulwa. Kodwa ukuzisola kwangempela okubaluleke ngempela.

Ngokusho kukaDadlani, ukuphulukiswa kuthatha isikhathi. Ngakho-ke esikhundleni sokuxolisa ngokungaphezi, hlonipha isikhathi nendawo abayidingayo. Njengoba nje ucwaningo olushicilelwe kumagazini i- Frontiers of Psychology lusikisela, ukuxolisa njalo kungaba yinto ecasulayo futhi ekhathazayo komunye umuntu. Ukuxolisa esokeni lakho kusho (ngokufanele) ukugxila ekulungiseni okungaphezu kwamazwi, nokuqonda umthelela wezenzo zakho. Namuhla, sikulethela izindlela ezingu-15 zokuxolisa kumuntu omthandayo, sifaka ukuhlakanipha kukaDadlani. Lolu hambo lokubuyisana nokukhula luzoqinisekisa ukuxolisa okusuka enhliziyweni kakhulu kusukela ekugcineni kwakho.

Indlela Yokuxolisa Kumfana Wakho: Izindlela ezingu-15

Njengoba sesishilo, ukuxolisa okuqotho akuwona nje amazwi; kuwukuqonda isisindo sezenzo zakho. Ezinye izinto okufanele uzikhumbule njengoba ufunda ukuxolisa endodeni ngemuva kokuxabana:

• Ukuxolisa okusuka enhliziyweni kusho ukuvuma amaphutha nokufunga ukuthi ngeke uwaphinde
• Ukuxhumana kubalulekile, ngisho noma ukuphinda ubuyekeze udaba kudala ukungakhululeki. Ingxoxo yomuntu siqu iveza imizwa yakho ngokucacile kunemibhalo
• Ukwenza ukuxolisa okunenjongo kudlulela ngalé kokuzazisa; igcina isibopho
• Ubuhlungu bungase buqhubeke, kodwa ukuzwakalisa ukuzisola ngokulimaza umlingani wakho kumema ukuphulukiswa futhi ukukhula ebuhlotsheni

Lezi zindlela ezingu-15 zokuxolisa esoka lakho zingamabhuloho ekwelapheni, namahange obudlelwane obunempilo. Azibonisi ubuthakathaka, kodwa amandla ekuzinikeleni kwakho ekukhuliseni nasekuguqukeni ndawonye.

1. Veza ukuzisola kwangempela

Ucwaningo luqokomisa ukuthi abantu ngokwemvelo bafuna izindlela zokulungisa izibopho ngemva kwezingxabano. Ukuxolisa okulula kungakha kabusha ukwethembana futhi kunciphise imizwa emibi. Ukuxolisa esokeni kuwubufakazi bokuzibophezela kwakho ekulungiseni ubuhlobo obubaluleke kakhulu.

• Ezikhathini zokushuba, esikhundleni sokuphindaphinda ukuxolisa esoka lakho njengombhalo oprakthiziwe, donsa umoya futhi ume kancane.
• Sebenzisa lokho kuphumula ukuze uqoqe imizwa yakho bese unikeza a ukuxolisa okuqotho phakathi nengxoxo yomuntu siqu
• Ukuvuma lapho wenze iphutha khona kukhombisa ukuvuthwa kanye nesifiso sangempela sokulungisa izinto
• Uma uzwakalisa ukuzisola ngezenzo zakho, akukhona nje ngamagama, kodwa ubuqiniso bawo obufakazela ukuthi uyabazisa ubuhlobo.

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2. Mmangaze ngosuku olukhethekile

Ukuze uxolise esokeni lakho, yenza umsebenzi wezandla usuku olugcwele lezimanga ezisuka enhliziyweni. Imizamo yakho ikhuluma kakhulu, iveza ukuthi uzizwa kabi ngobuhlungu obubangele. Awudingi ukuthinta okukhulu; yizinto ezincane ezenza umthelela ohlala njalo. 

• Hlela imisebenzi yosuku ngokuvumelana nezithakazelo zakhe nalokho akuthandayo
• Faka izinto ezincane ezingalindelekile usuku lonke, njengokupheka ukudla kwakhe akuthandayo
• Amangale ngobusuku bomlingo obunomlingo

3. Indlela yokuxolisa kumfana futhi umbuyisele? Ngokuhlela uhambo olufushane

Cabangela ukuhlela uhambo olufushane lwempelasonto lokubalekela endaweni ayithandayo. Lokhu kuguquguquka kwemvelo kubambe amandla emibono evuselelwe futhi kunikeza isikhala lapho ungabhekana khona ngokukhululekile nenkinga obhekene nayo. Leli thuba alikuvumeli kuphela ukuthi ulondoloze ubuso kodwa futhi linikeza ithuba lokulungisa ibhondi. 

• Khetha indawo enezinkumbulo ezinhle, noma hlola indawo entsha ndawonye
• Ushintsho lwendawo ezungezile lusisiza ukuba sisuse ukunaka kwethu endabeni, ukuze sikwazi ukuyibuka ngobuqotho nangentshiseko encane.
• Khuthaza ukuxhumana okuvulekile mayelana nemizwa ngokudala umoya wokuphumula ngamakhandlela anephunga elimnandi futhi mhlawumbe nengoma elula. Veza ukuthi uzisola kangakanani ngokumzwisa ubuhlungu

4. Hlola ukusondelana njengokuxolisa

Ebudlelwaneni, ukuthinta ngokomzimba kuvame ukukhuluma imizwa lapho amagama esilela khona. Ngemuva kwephutha, ungase uzizwe ulahlekile ngenxa yamazwi ahlabayo avela kumlingani noma ngenxa yamagama angenandaba esiwakhuluma kithi. Khona-ke indlela yokuxolisa endodeni oyizwise ubuhlungu ngamazwi noma ngezenzo zakho? 

Indlela esondelene ingavala igebe. Sonke sike saba khona - Ngemuva kokuxoxisana okushubile, amagama kwesinye isikhathi awanele ukulungisa ukuhlukana. Lezo zikhathi ezilindile zokungabaza, lapho ufuna ukuxolisa esokeni ngemva kwengxabano, zingadanjiswa ngokugona okududuzayo noma ukuthinta. 

• Khetha isilungiselelo somuntu mathupha lapho ningaba seduze futhi nobabili nizizwele
• Ngezinye izikhathi, ukwanga noma ukuthinta okumnene kungadlulisela ukuxolisa okuyinkulungwane, kubambe umsuka wokuzisola ngokuphumelelayo kunamazwi nje
• Hlanganisa ukuthinta ngengxoxo evulekile, uqinisekisa ukuthi awubonisi kuphela, kodwa futhi utshele. Yabelana ngemizwa yakho, xoxa ngokuzisola kwakho, futhi wenze umzamo wokungaphindi iphutha elifanayo

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5. Bhala incwadi esuka enhliziyweni

Ezweni lethu ledijithali elisheshayo, incwadi ebhalwe ngesandla iwukuphefumula komoya. Kukangaki sithayipha ngokushesha imibhalo nama-DM ngaphandle kokuma ukuze sizwe isisindo segama ngalinye? Uma uke wathola inothi elibhalwe ngesandla noma incwadi, uzokwazi ukunyakaziswa kwemizwa elikuphethe. Isenzo sokubhala ngokwaso siyelapha, esisivumela ukuthi sicubungule imizwa yethu ngokweqiniso. Lapho amazwi ethwele isisindo sobuhlungu obungaka, sekuyisikhathi sokubhala phansi afanele ukuze enze ukuxolisa okuqotho, ikakhulukazi ngemva kokulwa.

• Thela inhliziyo yakho ku-inki nasephepheni, wenze ukuxolisa kwakho kube ukubonakaliswa okubonakalayo kokuzisola kwakho
• Esikhundleni sokuthumela ngokushesha imiyalezo yokuxolisa ngombhalo, bhala ngezifiso uhlamvu ngamagama alungile amkhumbuza ukuxhumana kwakho
• Ukubhala ngesandla kukuvumela ukuthi wehlise ijubane, ucabange ujule, futhi uyibambe ngempela imizwa yakho neyesoka lakho. Lesi senzo sibonisa ukuzinikela kwakho ekuqondeni umbono wakhe nokulungisa
• Incwadi ebhalwe nguwe izokusiza nawe uziphendulele

6. Guqula ukuxolisa kwakho kube yingoma

Uke waba nengoma eyakubuyisela ngokushesha enkathini ethile noma umuzwa othile? Sebenzisa lawo mandla emizwa ngokuzakhela owakho ingoma. Kufana nokuvula umsakazo futhi uzwe ingoma engalindelekile ehlanganisa lokho okuzwayo kahle. Manje, ake ucabange ukuthi lelo culo lenzelwe ubudlelwano benu, linanela ukuzisola kwakho nesifiso sokulungisa izinto. 

• Dala ividiyo emfushane noma ingoma edlula ukuxolisa okungenalutho, okubonisa ukuthi usukulungele ukwamukela ukuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni
• Noma khetha ingoma ehambisana nemizwa yakho bese uhlela amagama ukuze ubonise ukuxolisa kwakho
• Qiniseka ukuthi ithoni ihambisana nemizwa yakho futhi ikhombisa ukuzibophezela kwakho ekuxoleni ngobuqotho

7. Ukuze uxolise esokeni lakho, thola usizo lomngane walo omkhulu

Ukuthola usizo lomngane omethembayo ngezinye izikhathi kungase kunciphise ukuxolisa. Cabanga ngomngane wakhe omkhulu njengomngane wakho, umuntu owazi kahle nobabili. Hlanganyela engxoxweni eqotho nomngane, wabelane ngezinhloso zakho eziqotho zokulungisa izinto. 

• Ukuzwa uhlangothi lwakho lwezwi elihlukile, ikakhulukazi leli alithembayo, kungadambisa ukushuba
• Angase alalele amazwi omngane wakhe kunawakho njengamanje
• Umngane angakwazi ukuvala igebe lokukhulumisana, futhi agcizelele ubuqotho nesifiso sakho sokwenza kanjalo lungisa ubudlelwano
• Umngane wakhe kufanele aqonde umongo futhi adlulise ukuxolisa kwakho ngendlela evumelana nesoka lakho

8. Yakha kabusha inkumbulo

Ukuvakashela kabusha indawo oyithandayo, njengaleyo khefi lapho ube nosuku lwakho lokuqala, kungaba isenzo esinamandla. Khumbula ukuhleka phezu kwekhofi elichithekile noma ukwabelana nge-dessert? Ukukhumbula lezi zikhathi akukhona nje ukulangazelela; imayelana nokwamukela isisekelo sebhondi yakho futhi usebenzele ukuyakha kabusha futhi uyiqinise. Ngena ujule ngaphansi kwenkinga engaphezulu futhi uvumele i-nostalgia iqondise indlela.

• Avuse inhlansi ngokukhumbula lezo zikhathi ezikhethekile, ukugcizelela ukuthi ubulokhu unaka imininingwane yohambo lwakho olwabiwe
• Zinike isikhathi esibalulekile sokuqonda ukuthi yini engahambanga kahle futhi ufune izindlela zokulungisa ukuhlukana
• Sebenzisa indawo ezungezile njengengemuva ukuze umenze akhululeke ngokwanele ukuze avuleke. Xoxa ngokujula kwemizwa yakho, futhi uqonde eyakhe

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9. Hlela ubusuku bokubuka izinkanyezi ukuze ubonise ukuthi uzisola ngeqiniso

Sebenzisa le ndlela yothando ukuxolisa isoka lakho, uvumele ubuhle besibhakabhaka buhlele ukuzisola kwakho. Njengoba nje izinkanyezi zikhanyisa ubumnyama, izinkumbulo zingakhanyisa amabala amnyama ebuhlotsheni. Kuyisilungiselelo esihle kakhulu sokuxolisa, ukucabangisisa, nokuvuselela uthando, okukugxilisa kokuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe kanye nesithembiso sakusasa eliqhakazile. 

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ucwaningo oluholwa nguMathew White wase-University of Exeter lwembule ukuthi ukuchitha amahora amabili kuphela ngesonto ezindaweni zemvelo eziluhlaza kuthuthukisa kakhulu inhlalakahle yengqondo yomuntu kanye nempilo iyonke. Kungasiza abalingani ukuthi baphinde bathole ukuthula futhi kunciphise ukukhathazeka nangezikhathi zezingxabano.

• Njengezinkanyezi ezicwazimulayo, amazwi akho mawabe ngaphezu kokugcwalisa isikhashana. Bhekana nephutha ngqo, efuna intethelelo kanye nokuqonda
• Sebenzisa isilungiselelo esiseduze njengethuba lokuxolisa kumfana futhi umbuyisele, ulungise noma yimiphi imizwa yokusabela ngokweqile noma yokungaqondi
• Ingemuva elizolile lingakhuthaza indawo ekahle yokuxolisa ebudlelwaneni, nivumele nobabili ukuthi niqhubekele phambili ndawonye

10. Yakha imbiza yenkumbulo

Guqula imbiza elula ibe yingcebo yezikhathi ezithandekayo namaphupho ahlanganyelwe. Sonke sinalezo zinkumbulo ezincane, njengamahlaya angaphakathi aqondwa kini nobabili kuphela noma ingoma edlalwe ngesikhathi sohambo lwemoto olungasoze lwalibaleka. Yenza amanothi abhalwe ngesandla avuma ubuhlungu obubangelwe kanye nezilungiso ozozenza.

• Bhala imilayezo esuka enhliziyweni ebambe ingqikithi yobudlelwano bakho. Yabelana ngamathemba esikhathi esizayo, ubonise ukuzibophezela kwakho kwekusasa elingcono
• Ngokulungisa le mbiza, awugcini nje ngokugcina izinkumbulo kodwa futhi ubonisa ukuthi uthatha izinyathelo ezibalulekile zokuxolisa isoka lakho ngokusabela ngokweqile/ukulizwisa ubuhlungu/ukungamethembi, njll.
• Lesi sikhumbuzo esiphathekayo sesibopho sakho singasebenza njengokumelela okubonakalayo kwemizamo yakho angathola induduzo kuyo kamuva. 

11. Yabelanani ngohlu lwamabhakede

Lokhu kungemuva kokuthi kuxoliswe. Lesi sinyathelo siyingxenye yokuchibiyela nokuxhuma kabusha. 

• Dala ubuthakathaka bakho njengesenzo sokuthi “Ngiyakwethemba.” Umlingani wakho angase angakwazi ukuvula isifuba ngokushesha, kodwa wena ukuba sengozini nomuntu wakho okokuqala kuyisinyathelo esihle phambili ekwelapheni ukungezwani kwakho
• Shintshanisa izinhlu zamabhakede akho (noma wabelane ngowakho) futhi ukhulume ngamaphupho nemigomo onayo. Cabanga nje ngezindawo othe uzozivakashela “ngolunye usuku” noma ukuzizwisa okuhlehlisele “kamuva”
• Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukubingelela endleleni eyabiwe, uyifake ngenjongo entsha. Yembula izifiso zomuntu siqu, ngisho nalezo okungase kube nzima ukuxoxa ngazo
• Lokhu kumenza abone ukuthi uyingxenye ebalulekile yamaphupho akho esikhathi esizayo

12. Hlala nje ukhulume

Ukuthula kungakhulisa ukungaqondani, kwenze izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu. Khetha indlela elula yokuxoxa ukuze ulungise umoya futhi uvale uqhekeko. USusan McCarthy, umbhali osebenzisana nencwadi ethi Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies , ugcizelela ukubaluleka kobuqotho ekuxoliseni. Ukuxolisa okungafanele noma okungaqotho kungaqinisa ukungezwani. Njengoba uMcCarthy esho ngokufanele, “Kufana nokumboza okubi kakhulu kunobugebengu.” Ukwenza izaba noma ukushintsha icala kumane kuqhelise umuntu olimele.

• Zibandakanye engxoxweni evulekile nethembekile, ngaphandle kweziphazamiso. Thatha ikhefu emsebenzini, izibopho, kanye namafoni akho. Nikelani ukunaka okungahlukanisiwe, ninikeze indawo ephephile yokuveza imizwa
• Gwema ukugxumela eziphethweni futhi nilalele ngentshiseko imibono yomunye nomunye. Lokhu kusebenzisana okuqondile nokuqotho kukuvumela nobabili ukuthi nixhumane futhi niphulukise

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13. Thatha uhambo ngokusebenzisa inkumbulo yezinselele zangaphambilini

Buyekeza izikhathi ezinzima esikhathini esidlule ezabonisa ukuzimisela kwenu kokubili ukufunda nokukhula, ikakhulukazi uma senifinyelele esimeni esinzima manje. Uyakhumbula lelo pikiniki lasehlobo lapho lina khona, kodwa nadansa noma kunjalo? Noma isikhathi enazama ngaso ukupheka ndawonye futhi nagcina ni-oda ukudla? Lokhu akukhona nje ukukhumbula izinto ezidlule; kumayelana nokuqonda. Kumayelana nokusebenzisa lezo zinkumbulo njengezisekelo zokuvula indlela yezingxoxo ezijulile , ukuphulukiswa, kanye nobuhlobo obuvuselelwe.

• Khetha indawo ekhethekile lapho izinkumbulo ezibalulekile zenziwa khona. Khumbuza ngezikhathi ezikusondeze eduze nezifundo ozifundile
• Mkhumbuze yena kanye nawe ukuthi niyiqembu nokuthi nobabili nazinqoba izinkinga ngaphambilini. Lesi akusona isikhathi sokuqala, futhi ngeke kube okokugcina
• Sebenzisa lesi senzo sokuhlola ukuze uvule indlela yokuxolisa esokeni lakho kanye nezingxoxo eziqotho mayelana nezenzo zakho.

14. Hlela ubusuku befilimu ukuze wenze isoka lakho likuxolele

Ukudala ubusuku be-movie obukhethekile akukhona nje ukuzijabulisa; kuyisango lokuxhumana okungcono. Lesi silungiselelo sifanelekile ekubhekaneni nokuziphatha kwakamuva, ukuzindla ngalokho okungahambanga kahle, kanye nokuvuma isidingo sokuxolisa.

• Njengoba uxoxa namafilimu akhe awathandayo, umoya opholile nokusondelana ngokomzimba kuvula indlela yezingxoxo eziqotho.
• Khetha ifilimu yakhe ayintandokazi evusa imizwa eyakhayo noma ejulile. Lokhu kungavula indlela yokuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo nokuzwakalisa ukuzisola
• Bese, sebenzisa ikhefu phakathi kwezigcawu ukuze wabelane ngemizwa yakho. Cabanga ngezenzo zakho futhi uveze imizwa yakho
• Ngemuva kobusuku befilimu, thumela umbhalo wokuxolisa ozwakalisa ukuzisola kwakho

15. Cela ukwelulekwa

Uma ubhajwe ochungechungeni lokungaqondani futhi ukuxolisa okuningi kungakusizi ngalutho, ukuphendukela ekwelashweni kombhangqwana kungaba yinto eshintsha kakhulu. Kufana nokumema umhlahlandlela othembekile ukuthi nibhekane nezinkinga ndawonye. Lesi sinyathelo sibonisa ukuzinikela kwakho ekuxazululeni izinkinga ezijulile nokwakha kabusha ukwethembana . Ngosizo lochwepheshe, ungambula izimpande zamaphutha akho, ufunde kuwo, futhi wakhe isisekelo esiqinile sobudlelwano obunempilo.

• Sebenzisa izikhathi zokwelapha njengendawo ephephile yokuxoxa ngokukhululekile ngezinto ezikhathazayo nokuzisola. Gxila ezinkingeni eziwumsuka ezaholela emaphutheni, okuholela ekuzaziseni okwengeziwe
• Wonke umuntu uyawenza amaphutha. Yamukela ithuba lokufunda kubo futhi ukhuthaze ukukhula komuntu siqu

Uma kuziwa ekuceleni uxolo ebudlelwaneni, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi uxolisa kaningi kangakanani. Uma ingashintshi, ingase ibonise inkinga enkulu. Izenzo zivame ukukhuluma kakhulu kunamazwi, ngakho kunokuba nje uxolise, bonisa ukuthi unendaba ngezenzo zakho. Ngaleyo ndlela ubonisa ukuzibophezela kwakho.

Wavume amaphutha akho futhi uwaqonde ngempela. Yamukela amandla okuzindla. Ngokulandela lezi zinyathelo, wakha isibopho esiqinile, esinempilo esisekelwe ekuqondeni nasekukhuleni okungcono.

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