He uaua te whakarere i te aroha me te hiahia, ahakoa te āhua. He rite tonu te raruraru o te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga ki te whakarere, engari kāore pea koe e hiahia ki te utu i ngā utu ture nui rawa. Engari ko te utu kare ā-roto o te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga ki tētahi tāne, wahine rānei kua mārenatia, te whakamutu rānei i te whanaungatanga me te noho tonu hei hoa, he haerenga uaua, he haerenga uaua hoki.
Me pēhea te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, he pātai kāore e ngāwari te whakautu. Heoi anō, he pai pea te whai whakaaro iti a te tohunga hei whakamāmā i te huarahi. I pātai mātou ki te kaiako whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga Shivanya Yogmayaa (kua whai tiwhikete ā-ao mō ngā tikanga rongoā o te EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT, me ētahi atu), he tohunga ki ngā momo momo kaunihera mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi hononga ā-ira me te kore e pakaru.
He aha te uaua ki te whakamutu i tētahi hononga ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe
Ripanga o Ihirangi
"He uaua ki te whakamutu i tētahi waranga e homai ai te ahuareka," Hiwanya e whakamārama ana. "He hononga tika kei waenganui i ngā taumata o te harikoa me te uauatanga o te whakamutu i taua waranga. Me mōhio te tangata ki te mamae o te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, mai i te tīmatanga. Ko ngā mahi katoa e tīmatahia ana me te kore e maumahara ki te mutunga he para."
Hei tāna anō, "He pakanga kare ā-roto tēnei mō ngā taha e rua e uru ana ki te moepuku, ahakoa he hiahia tinana, he hiahia kare ā-roto rānei rāua i huihui ai. He tere whakahihiri te moepuku, ā, kua roa pea ngā taha e rua e ngaro ana, nō reira, ki te whakamutu i te moepuku, he rite ki te tango i ō rāua ahuareka."
"Mō te hoa i uru ki te mahi taikaha, he wāhi anō hoki te hara ina hiahia rātou ki te whakamutu i te mahi taikaha, ka neke atu ki te whakaora i te marena. Tērā pea ka mataku rātou kei whakama, kei whakapaehia hoki e tā rātou hoa rangatira me tā rātou hoa aroha."
Te pānui e pā ana: Mahia Nga Take Ka Whakamutua Te Marenatanga
Me pehea te whakamutu i tetahi take me te whakaora i to marena
He maha ngā momo mahi ā-roto, ā, ko te mutunga o aua mahi ka whakawhirinaki ki te roa me te hohonu o te whai wāhi. Tērā ētahi mahi poto, ētahi mahi neke atu i te tau te roa. Nga take ka marena nga taha e rua, me ērā hoki kotahi anake te taha kua mārena. Tērā anō ētahi mahi moepuku kāore tetahi o te taha i mārena, engari kei roto tetahi o rāua i ngā hononga pumau, roa.
Ka whai wāhi anō hoki te āhua o tō whanaungatanga ki a rātou i waho o te moe tāne. Hei tauira, he rerekē te whakamutu i te moe tāne me te hoa mahi i te whakamutu i te moe tāne me te tangata whakahihi. kāore koe e mahi tahi ana. He rerekē te tikanga o te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga ki tō rangatira i te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga ki tō hoa pai.
Mō ētahi atu ataata tohunga, ohauru mai ki tā mātou Hongere Youtube. Pāwhiri ki konei.
E taunaki ana a Shivanya kia pātai koe i ēnei pātai uaua ki a koe anō i mua i te tīmatanga o te haerenga ki te whakamutu i tētahi mahi pūrākau me te whakaora i tō marena.
- E aroha ana koe ki tō hoa rangatira?
- E pouri ana koe mō āu mahi?
- Kua mutu kē te mahi pōrearea i roto i tō hinengaro?
- Kei te hiahia koe ki te mārama ki te take i tinihanga ai koe, ā, kei te hiahia koe ki te whakarerekē i ō whakaaro me ō mahi?
- E hiahia ana koe ki te mārama ki ngā mahi a tō hoa i roto i te āhuatanga, ā, e hiahia ana rānei koe ki te muru i āna hara?
- Kei te hiahia koe ki te haumi me te tuku patunga tapu hei oranga mō tō marena?
Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te muru i tō hoa tinihanga, ā, me pēhea hoki koe
"Ki te mea he whakaae tāu whakautu ki te katoa, ki te nuinga rānei o ēnei pātai, he nui te tūponotanga ka taea e koe te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka taea hoki te whakaora i tō marena. Kia maumahara ko te huarahi anake ki mua ko te muru hara, te wareware, me te neke whakamua," te kī a Shivanya.
"Ko te whāinga he whakahoki mai i te aroha me te whakapau kaha i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga kia hiahia ai kōrua ki te whakangao ki roto." Kāore e whakarērea te aroha "He tukanga roa te wā ina pakaru te whakawhirinaki. He wā, he nui te kaha e hiahiatia ana hei whakaora," tana whakatūpato.
Ka roa ētahi hononga ā-ira mō ngā tau, ko ētahi he poto ake, engari he mahi mamae, he mahi uaua hoki te whakamutu i tētahi hononga ā-ira.
Mā te āwhina a Shivanya, kua kohikohia e mātou ngā mahi tekau hei mahi māu kia iti ake ai te paru, kia pai ake ai rānei te whakatau i te paru. Mena kei te ngana koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga roa, poto rānei, anei ētahi huarahi ka taea e koe te mahi.
1. Whakatau pakari kua mutu
Ahakoa kei te whakamutu koe i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi tāne kua mārenatia, kei te ngana rānei koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi hoa mahi, me puta te taahiraa tuatahi ki te kī kua mutu i roto i tō hinengaro. Pērā i ngā taahiraa tuatahi katoa, koinei te mea tino uaua. Ka ruarua koe i waenga i te tapahi rawa me te hiahia ki te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha me te noho tonu hei hoa. Tērā pea kei te whakamutu koe i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi tangata whakahihi, ā, kāore koe e hiahia ki te aro ki ōna kare ā-roto me te koretake o ngā kare ā-roto.
Kei te ngana rānei koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi he whanaungatanga ki tō rangatira me te whakaaro mēnā ka pā ki tō ara pikinga. Ko te mea kino rawa atu, tera pea kei te ngana koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha ki tō hoa pai, ā, kei te mataku koe kei ngaro atu rātou ake ake. Ko te whakaae me te whakaae kua mutu te hononga aroha i roto i tō hinengaro ka nui te mahi, engari me tino mōhio koe nā te mea koinei te kaupapa matua ka mahi koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha mō ake tonu atu.
2. Kōrero ki tō hoa aroha
Ahakoa te āhua kino o te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea ngahau te wehenga. Kia maumahara hoki, ahakoa kāore tō hononga aroha e kitea he "tika" e te ao whānui, ehara i te mea he ngāwari te wehenga.
"I te whakamutu ahau i tētahi he whanaungatanga ki te tangata kua marenatia", ā, koinei te wehenga tino uaua rawa atu kua pā ki ahau," te kī a Emily. "I tino aroha māua tetahi ki tetahi, ā, i tino hiahia māua kia noho tahi. Engari kāore i taea e ia te whakarere i āna tamariki. I kōrero māua, i tangi māua, kātahi ka oati kia noho tawhiti atu i te ao o tetahi ki tetahi nā te aroha me te whakaute."
Ki te whakamutu koe i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi tangata whakahihi, me tino u tonu pea koe ki tāu whakatau, nā te mea he ngāwari ki a rātou te kore e whakaae ki ngā mea kāore e tutuki i tā rātou e pai ai. Waihoki, he maha ngā tau e roa ai ētahi hononga aroha, ā, he tino uaua ki te mutu i aua mea nā te mea kua hanga pea e koe he hononga kare ā-roto. Kia tino u, kia atawhai hoki.
3. Whaki ki tō hoa
I whakatūpato mātou i a koe kāore tēnei e ngāwari ake. Nā te mea kua whakatau koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi mahi whakaipoipo, ā, kua kōrero koe ki tō 'hoa whakaipoipo', kua tae ki te wā ki te aro atu ki tō hoa rangatira, ki tō hoa rangatira rānei. Kia rite ki te kore whakapono, ki te whakakorekore, ki te riri me te roimata. Kāore tetahi e pai ki te wairangitia e tōna hoa rangatira, ā, ehara tēnei i te wā ki te rapu whakamārama, ki te hoatu rānei i ngā take whaitake. Kōrerohia te mea e tika ana kia kōrerotia, ā, tukua rātou kia whakautu mai.
Te pānui e pā ana: Kōrero Whaki: Tinihanga Kare ā-roto Vs Te Hoahoa
Me whai wā anō hoki rātou ki te whakaae ki tēnei tinihanga, me te whakaaro me pēhea te whakahaere. Kaua e nui rawa ngā kōrero, engari me kī anō kei te pouri nui koe, ā, kua mutu katoa. Kia mōhio rātou he pono tō pouri, ko te tumanako ka māmā ake te whakaae ki tēnei.
4. Whakamutua te whakapā atu ki te tangata/ngā tāngata i tinihangatia e koe
"Me tango atu ngā waeatanga, ngā pāpāho pāpori, ngā koha i hoatu e rātou ki a koe, me ngā mea katoa e pā ana ki a rātou. Kāore e taea e rātou te noho ki roto i tō ao," te kī a Shivanya. Mā te horoi tinana ka kore e hiahiatia te horoinga kare ā-roto me te hinengaro, nō reira he taahiraa pai tēnei hei mahi.
"Ki taku whakaaro koinei te mea tino uaua ki ahau," te kī a Shannon. "Neke atu i te rua tau ahau e noho tahi ana me tētahi o te mahi. He tino kino te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi hoa mahi, i te mea me kite ahau i a ia i te mahi i ia rā, i ia rā. I te mutunga ka tono ahau kia nekehia ahau ki tētahi atu tari kia taea ai e au te tapahi i ngā hononga katoa." Te aroha i te wāhi mahi ehara i te mea ngāwari, pērā tonu!"
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te mahi i tēnei. Engari ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, me ūkui katoa ngā tohu o tōna aroaro i roto i tō ao. Mō ngā marama tuatahi pea, ki te kore ake tonu atu.
5. Tīmatahia te rongoā hei aro atu ki ngā take i tinihanga ai koe
"He mea tino nui te āwhina ngaio ina whakatau koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi mahi moepuku," te kī a Shivanya. E kī ana ia ka tīmata ngā mahi moepuku i te koretake me te harikoa hohonu, ā, ka puta mai i te wāhi o te korenga. "He mea nui kia aro atu ki ngā mea i ngaro i roto i tō marena, i tō whanaungatanga pumau rānei mō te wā roa, kia keri hohonu, kia kitea ai he aha te mea i arahi ai koe ki tētahi mahi moepuku i te tuatahi. He aha tāu i rapu ai?" tana kī.
E taunaki ana hoki ia kia tīmata koe ki te whakaora takitahi me te kore he hoa rangatira. Arā, me aro atu ki ō ake raruraru i waho o ō whanaungatanga katoa i te tuatahi. Ka taea e koe te whakapā atu ki a Bonobology te rōpū kaitohutohu mō te āwhina i konei.
"Me whai āwhina takitahi anō hoki tō hoa rangatira, i mua i te tīmatanga o te neke whakamua atu i te takahi i tō rāua whakawhirinaki. Me whai tohutohu ngā tokorua i te mutunga engari me tatari kia kī mai tō hoa rangatira/hoa rangatira kua rite rāua," tāna tāpiri.
6. Akohia te pono mō ngā mea katoa
Ahakoa ngā whanaungatanga tino kaha rawa atu, ka puta he raruraru whakawhirinaki mēnā ka whaki koe i tētahi hononga whakaipoipo. Mai i konei, ka ahua whakapae pea ō kōrero katoa ki tō hoa. "Akona kia tino pono ki tō hoa," te kī a Shivanya. Me waiho ngā kōrero teka mā ki muri, nā te mea kei te mamae tō hoa, ā, he tino pāngia hoki e te teka i tēnei wā tonu.
"I muri i taku whakamutu i taku hononga mo te tau, me taku kōrero ki taku wahine, he tino uaua ki te hanga whakawhirinaki "anō," te kī a Richard. "Ahakoa i kī hē ahau kei runga i te tēpu ngā kī, ā, kāore, i kite ia he teka. I roa te wā i pau ki te hanga anō i tā māua marena, engari ko te pono tētahi wāhanga nui o taua mea."
7. Kia mōhio koe he roa te wā e hiahiatia ana hei hanga anō
Āe, kua whaki koe i ō hara, āe, kei te tino pouri koe, ā, kua rite koe ki te whakapau i ō kaha katoa ki te whakahoki mai i te whakawhirinaki o tō hoa. Ehara i te mea ka puta i te pō kotahi, i roto rānei i ētahi marama i muri mai. "Me moe pea koe i roto i te rūma manuhiri mō ētahi rā, wiki rānei. Ina hoki anō koe ki te moe tahi me tō hoa, me tere te mahi i runga i tō rātou tere, kaua i tōu tere. Tērā pea ka roa te wā ka hoki mai ai tō rātou wairua," te kī a Shivanya.
E ai ki tā mātou i kōrero ai, kei reira katoa ngā momo take, ā, ko ētahi o ngā mahi whakaipoipo ka roa mō ngā tau. Engari ko te tikanga hoki tēnā kua tukua e koe tō marena, tō hononga pumau rānei kia pakaru mārire, kia kore e pakaru i taua wā. Ahakoa te āhua kua whakatikahia, e kore rawa e rite anō.
8. Tukua ngā kare ā-roto katoa
Ahakoa he hononga ā-ira e neke atu ana i te tau, he hononga ā-ira rānei mō ētahi marama, ko te whakamutu i tētahi hononga ā-ira he ngana ki te tuku i tētahi wāhanga o koe. Haunga te pouri me te mate, ka pā mai te pouri, te riri, te pōhēhē me te rangirua. Kaua e tino whakahē i a koe anō. Tukua kia tae mai ngā kare ā-roto, ā, kia tukatukahia i te pai rawa atu e taea ana e koe.
Ahakoa te aha, kaua e taka ki te mahanga o te whakaaro he hē koe, he rite rānei ki tētahi e tika ana kia whiua kinotia. Ae, i whakahē koe i tō whanaungatanga, ā, i pakaru te whakawhirinaki o tō hoa, ā, me whakatika e koe ō hara. Engari, kāore he painga o te whiu i a koe anō.
"He pono, i taku whakamutu i taku mahi moepuku, kāore i taea e au te kore whakaaro ki ngā painga o nga take o waho," te kī a Kelly me te whakahihi. "I tino pōuri ahau, engari i whakaaro ahau me pēhea te noho hei 'wahine kē' i whiwhi ai ahau i ngā koha, i te taatai pai, me te kore o te raruraru o te noho hei wahine."
"I tino pai hoki ahau ki te tāne i noho tahi māua, nō reira i hiahia ahau ki te whakamutu i tētahi mahi whakaipoipo, kia noho tonu hei hoa. Engari i mōhio ahau kāore e taea e au te mahi i tēnā ki taku tāne, ā, kāore hoki e taea e ia te mahi i tēnā ki tana wahine." Ka taea e ngā mahi whakaipoipo ina marenatia ngā taha e rua te whakaputa i ngā kare ā-roto tino uaua. Kia manawanui ki a rātou me koe anō, kōrero ki tētahi tohunga, ā, mahi i roto i te huarahi e tika ana. ngā painga o te tohutohu.
9. Whakarerea koe
I mua i tō tumanako kia murua ō hara e tō hoa, e tō whānau rānei, i mua rānei i tō tumanako kia murua ō hara e te tangata e mutu ai ō kōrua hara, murua ō hara e koe anō. E kore e taea e koe te neke whakamua mēnā kei te patu tonu koe i a koe anō.
Kāore te moe tāne e tū noa ana, engari he take, he hiahia, he mokemoke tonu kei roto. Ā, ka kī anō mātou, kāore e tika kia waiho tō oranga katoa hei tangata whakarihariha ina moe tāne koe. He tangata uaua tātou, ā, he maha ngā wā ka mutu ka whara tātou i te hunga e arohaina ana e tātou mā ā tātou whiringa.
Ko te muru i a koe anō, ehara i te mea ka heke tō taumata pouri, ka iti iho rānei tō kaha ki te hanga anō i tō marenaMe tino māia koe kua murua e koe ō hara, ā, kua rite koe ki te neke whakamua.
"He maha ngā take pono hei whakamutu i tētahi hononga," te kī a Shivanya. "Kei reira ngā pūtea, te whānau (ngā tamariki), me te aroha."
"Hei tauira, ko te noho i roto i ngā whare e rua, kaua i te kotahi anake, ka piki ake te utu mō te whare. He tokomaha te hunga kāore e taea te utu i tēnā, inā koa i roto i te whare kotahi te moni whiwhi. Kāore e warewarehia te utu mō te whakarere tūturu, mēnā ka whai koe i tēnā ara. Kia mahara, i roto i te whakarere, ko ngā rōia anake ka toa," tāna tāpiri.
"Tērā pea ka ora ngā tamariki i te whakarere, engari ko te pānga o te whānau pakaru ka roa pea mō te wā katoa. Ko te taumahatanga ki te whānau, te wā tiaki tamariki, tae atu ki whawhai tiaki, he uaua pea. Mēnā kāore ngā mātua e whawhai tonu ana, e whakarato ana rānei i tētahi taiao morearea, he pai ake kia noho tahi rāua.
"I te mutunga iho, kei te aroha tonu kōrua tetahi ki tetahi? Ae, tera pea kāore e rite ki tera i tēnei wā, ā, tera pea ka roa ngā marama, ka roa rānei te tau, ka rua rānei i mua i te whakatikatika i ngā mea. Engari ki te mea kei te aroha tonu kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, ā, e hiahia ana kōrua kia angitu," tana kī.
"Ki te mea he uaua te ahua, nā te mea he uaua. He tukanga roa. Engari ka taea e koe te whakatika i tō marena, ki te taea e koe te tuku i ngā mea o mua me te kore e nui te hara, te riri rānei. Ka nui te whakapono me te maia e hiahiatia ana hei whakatika i tō whakawhirinaki kua pakaru, engari ehara i te mea e kore e taea. Mahihia tō ara ki tētahi whanaungatanga hou, tangohia te wā ki te whakaora i ngā patunga o kōrua ko tō hoa, ā, mā te aroha e mahi te toenga," tana whakatau.
FAQs
Ka mutu pea ngā mahi whakaipoipo ina mōhio tetahi, tetahi rānei o ngā taha e rua e hiahia ana ki te tuku i tētahi atu whai wāhitanga ki tā rāua marena/hononga roa. Ka mutu anō hoki mēnā ka kitea e tetahi, e rua rānei o ngā hoa roa te take o te mahi whakaipoipo. Kia whakatauhia te whakamutu i te mahi whakaipoipo, kei te hunga e whai wāhi ana me pēhea te mahi – me noho hei hoa, me mutu te whakapā atu, me ētahi atu.
He uaua te whakamutu i tētahi hononga, inā koa kua roa te wā, nā te mea kua hanga e koe he whanaungatanga. hononga kare ā-roto ā, tērā pea kua aroha koe tetahi ki tetahi. Tērā pea kua kitea e koe te mea i ngaro i roto i tō marena, ā, kua ea tō hiahia i ngā huarahi whakamiharo.
Kāore he tuhinga hei tohutohu i a koe me aha koe ina hiahia koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi mahi whakaipoipo. Ka taea e koe te kōrero tika, me te kī atu, "Aroha mai, engari kāore au e hiahia ki te mahi i tēnei i muri mai." Ahakoa pēhea, he mea nui kia pakari, kia atawhai hoki i te wā e whakamutu ana i tētahi mahi whakaipoipo.
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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
