Ngā Wāhanga e 7 o te Wehenga e Pā Ana ki te Katoa

Ki te pātai mai koe ki ahau, ko te haere i roto i ngā wāhanga o te wehenga pea te mea tino uaua rawa atu ka mahia e koe. Ahakoa nā rātou i tīmata te wehenga, nāu rānei i mahi. Ahakoa i kite koe i te haere mai mō ngā marama, kāore rānei i tumanakohia kia tae rā anō ki te wā i noho ai koe ki raro, ā, ka mutu ngā mea. E kī ana a Lang Leav, "Ina ngaro tētahi tangata i a koe, ka haere tahi te ao katoa me ia." Nō reira, mō tētahi wā, he uaua ki te whakaaro i tō ao me te kore ia i roto. Ki te mutu rānei te ngaro i ngā mea i a koe, i te tangata rānei i a ia. 

Ka puta mai i muri i te wehenga o te hoa he raruraru kare ā-roto, he taumaha hoki. Ka taea e au te tautoko i tēnei. He tukanga tino uaua ki ahau te whakakore i ēnei kare ā-roto i mua, ahakoa he rerekē te āhua mō te katoa. He rerekē ngā wāhanga o te tuku i a tātou katoa. Mōku, ko te wāhanga tino uaua o te wehenga ko te tumanako kia hoki mai taku hoa o mua ahakoa i mōhio ahau kāore rātou e hoki mai.

Nō reira, kei reira te wā e mutu ai te pakaru o te ngākau i ia wā ka whakaaro tātou ki tētahi hoa o mua? Hei mārama ki tēnei raupapatanga o te mamae, i kōrero mātou ki Dhriti Bhavsar, he tohunga hinengaro me te tohu paerua i roto i te hinengaro me te tohungatanga ki te tohutohu. I tēnei rā, ka whakamāramahia e ia ngā wāhanga o te wikitoria i te wehenga.

Ngā Wāhanga e 7 o te Wehenga: He Whakamārama

E ai ki neuroscientists, ka taea te kī he waranga tūturu te aroha. Koia te take ka taea ai e te wehenga te whakaputa i te tangohanga rite ki te kōkaini. "Ka whakaohohia e ngā whanaungatanga ngā ara utu i roto i tō tātou roro e te waranga. Ka tukuna e rātou ngā homoni pērā i te oxytocin me te dopamine, ka meinga tātou kia harikoa. Nō reira, ina pakaru te whanaungatanga, ka kore he homoni harikoa i roto i te roro," te whakamārama. Dhriti"Haunga tēnā, ko te ngaronga o tētahi i taunga ai tātou ki te tahuri atu, tētahi i roa ai tā tātou kōrero ki a ia, me tētahi i whakawhirinaki atu ai tātou, he mea tino uaua, he mea mamae hoki." 

He mamae kore e taea te manawanui i te wehenga. Ko te mamae e pā ana ki a tātou i muri i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga ka rite ki te mamae mō te matenga o tētahi e arohaina ana. Koia pea te take he rite tonu ngā wāhanga o te wikitoria i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha ki ngā wāhanga e rima o te pouri e ahu mai ana i te whakakahore, te riri, te whiriwhiri, me te pouri ki te whakaae. Ahakoa ko te katoa e aro atu ana ki te wehenga He rerekē, he tere hoki, ā, e whitu ngā wāhanga e whai ana i tēnei. E ai ki a Dhriti, kāore ēnei wāhanga e whai i tētahi ahunga whakamua, i tētahi raupapa motuhake rānei, ā, he mea noa te peke i ngā wāhanga motuhake, te hoki whakamuri, whakamuri rānei. Anei:

Te pānui e pā ana: 19 Ngā Mea e Me Mahi, Ngā Mea Kāore e Me Mahi i Muri i te Wehenga

1. Kua kapi koe i te pōhēhē me ngā pātai

"Ko te wā i muri tonu i te wehenga te mea tino uaua ki te aro atu," te kī a Dhriti. Koinei te wā kāore anō kia tino mārama te ao tūturu, ā, ka huri koe i waenga i ngā kare ā-roto o te whakakorenga, te ohorere, te pōhēhē, me te koretake. Mēnā ko koe te tangata nāna i whakarērea te whanaungatanga, ka hara rānei te wehenga. Ehara hoki i te mea onge te neke tika atu ki te whakakorekore, te pātai rānei mēnā kāore e taea te whakaora i te whanaungatanga. 

Tērā pea ka aro nui koe ki ngā mea katoa i kōrerotia e rātou ki a koe, kia kitea ai ngā tohu e whakahē ana i tā rātou hiahia ki te wehe. Ka tāpiri atu a Dhriti, "Ko te whakaae ki te mutunga o te whanaungatanga me te puta atu i te wāhanga whakakorekore te wāhanga tino uaua o te wehenga mō ētahi." I te tīmatanga o te putanga mai o te nui o te mate, ka tīmata ngā pātai pēnei ki te ārai i tō mahunga: 

• He tika te wāwāhi i te whanaungatanga? 
• He aha ahau i kore ai e kite i te haere mai?
• Me pēhea rā ia e mahi ai i tēnei ki ahau i muri i…?
• Mena i whakaaro ia ki te wehe, he aha ia i mahi ai…?
• Tērā pea i riri noa iho rātou, ā, kāore i te hiahia kia mutu ngā mea…

Ka uru mai ēnei take me ēnei pēhea ki ngā kare ā-roto me te mamae nui e mamae ai te tinana, pērā i te weranga, te whati rānei o te ringa (rangahau kua kitea e ia ka taea tonu).

2. I tētahi o ngā wāhanga pakaru o te whanaungatanga, ka taka koe ki te whakaaroaro

Ka tukuna tonutia te wāhanga wehenga kia mōhio ai ko wai, he aha rānei te take o te wehenga. I taua wā anō, kāore e taea te karo i te whakaaro me pēhea te āhua o tō hoa o mua. I te roanga o te wā, ka huri pea koe i waenga i ngā wā mahi nui kia kore ai e aro ki te mamae me te whakaaro nui ki aua mea.

E ai ki a Dhriti, ina titiro whakamuri ki ngā whanaungatanga roa, ka taka te tangata ki roto i ēnei āhuatanga:

• He whakamaharatanga harikoa: Te maumahara ki ngā wāhanga pai anake, me te maumahara ki te whanaungatanga kia pai ake i tōna āhua o mua. He Reddit kaiwhakamahi e whakapuaki ana, "He mea e kiia ana ko te pouri o te hunga e kore e pai ki te mahi. Koinei te wā e titiro whakamuri ai te hunga e kore e pai ki te mahi ki tā rātou whanaungatanga/o mua me ngā mōhiti tae rōhi, ka wareware ki ngā mea whakarihariha katoa o te whanaungatanga. Kei te aroha tonu ahau ki taku hoa o mua. Kei te ngaro tonu ahau i a ia. Engari i tuhia e au he rārangi o ngā take katoa i arahi ai ahau ki te wehe i a ia i te tuatahi, ā, i ngā wā katoa ka ngoikore ahau, ka pānui noa ahau."
• Te rangirua: Ka whakamārama a Dhriti i tōna tikanga, "Te whakawhiti i waenga i ngā mea pai me ngā mea kino. Ko te tikanga o tēnā ko te huri mai i te whakaaro 'I tino rite ahau ki te mea kua tūtaki ahau ki te tangata tika' ki te 'engari i teka rātou, ā, i pakaru taku whakawhirinaki'"

Ahakoa etahi rangahau whakahau kia whakararuraru i a koe kia mutu ai te aro nui ki tētahi hoa o mua, ētahi atu Hei tā te kōrero mō te wehenga, ka āwhina pea koe ki te neke whakamua. Heoi, ko te whai i ngā pāpāho pāpori a tō hoa o mua, te tirotiro rānei i a rātou mā roto i ngā hoa, kāore e āwhina, e ai ki tā rangahau. Ki te mea kei te mau tonu koe i ngā whakaaro whakararuraru, me whai i te ture kore-pā mā te tahuri atu ki tō pūnaha tautoko, te kōrero rānei ki ngā tohunga whanaungatanga pēnei i tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whai raihana, i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana rānei, ka āwhina i a koe ki te ora i tētahi wehenga mamae.

3. Ka whiriwhiri koe i a koe anō, i tō hoa rangatira rānei

I ngā wāhanga tōmua o te pouri mō tētahi whanaungatanga, ka puta ake te pouri me te ruarua i a koe anō. Ka ātete koe ki te tuku i tō hoa o mua i te nuinga o ngā wāhanga pakaru o te whanaungatanga. "He maha ngā 'mehemea' me ngā 'me whai' ka puta ake i a koe e whakaaro ana ki ngā mea kua rerekē te haere. Tērā pea ka whakaaro koe ki te toro atu anō ki tō hoa o mua," te kī a Dhriti.

A ako E mea ana te kōrero i runga ake nei, "Ka hoki anō ngā hoa aroha ki te moe tahi pērā i te hunga whakamahi tarukino. I muri i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga, ka taea e ngā huihuinga, ngā tāngata, ngā wāhi, ngā waiata, me/ētahi atu tohu o waho e pā ana ki tā rātou hoa aroha kua whakarērea te whakaoho i ngā maharatanga me te whakaoho anō i te hiahia." Ina tupu tēnei, me whakapā atu koe ki tō hoa o mua? Anei te take e kore ai koe e mahi, e ai ki a Dhriti:

• Ko te whiriwhiringa tetahi o ngā wāhanga o te wehenga, ina kore tātou e mahara he kino ngā mea i mua.
• Ahakoa ka pena tātou, ka whakapau kaha tātou ki te whakatika. Heoi anō, kāore e taea te whakatau i ētahi raruraru whanaungatanga.
• Tērā pea ka whakararu te hoki ki te ora: Tērā pea ka pau te wā me te kaha ki te mutunga iho, ā, ka nui ake te mamae o te ngākau.
• Ki te mea kua rite koe ki te mahi i tetahi mea hei whakahoki i te whanaungatanga aroha, kia mahara ko te kore aro ki ngā mea e takahi ana i ngā whakaritenga me ngā rohe whaiaro hei whakaara anō i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha ka kino pea ki tō hauora hinengaro me tō whakaaro ki a koe anō.
• Ka taea hoki e te whiriwhiringa te whakararu i a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pōrearea anō, ā, rangahau e kī ana, ka puta noa te koretake

Te pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Momo Wehenga e Hoki Anō Ana me ngā Wātaka

4. Kei te waipuke koe i te riri  

He aha te wāhanga roa rawa atu o te wehenga mena he raruraru riri tō kōrua? Koia tēnei. Kia memeha haere te pouri, ka tīmata te titiro whakamuri ki te whāngai i te riri. Ahakoa te uaua ki te whakaaro, he taahiraa tūturu tēnei ki te whakaora - ki te kore e whiti ki te whenua o te riri. E whakamārama ana a Dhriti,

• "Ko te riri te pūwāhi tuatahi ki te whakaae me te puta ki tērā taha o te wehenga."
• He tohu tēnei kua puta koe i te whakakorekore, ā, kua mārama ake koe ki te wehenga, ahakoa kei te hiahia koe ki te hoki ki tō hoa o mua, kei te riri rānei koe mō te tinihanga, te hē, te āhua rānei o te mutunga o ngā mea. 
• I tēnei wāhanga, tera pea ka riri koe i a koe e whakaaro ana ki te wehenga, ki ngā whakarihariha me ngā pōuri katoa i mua i te wehenga.
• "Tērā pea ka huri tēnei riri ki roto i a koe e whakaaroaro ana ki ngā mea katoa i mahia, i kore rānei i mahia e rātou, e koe rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga."

Engari i te whakapūpū i ngā mea katoa, ka haere tonu ki tētahi te whakaipoipo anō ā muri ake nei, ko tētahi huarahi hauora hei whakatau i te riri i muri i te wehenga ko te tuku atu ki tētahi atu wāhi. "Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakatau i tētahi kare ā-roto ko te mōhio ki tōna kaupapa me te mārama ki taua mea," te kī a Dhriti. Ko te taahiraa e whai ake nei ko te kimi i tētahi putanga, pēnei i: 

• Te kōrero ki tētahi e whakawhirinaki ana koe, pērā i ngā hoa me te whānau 
• He āwhina te tuhituhi riri ina pōuri ana koe. Engari, ehara i te mea me tuku karere riri ki tō hoa o mua. He Reddit kaiwhakamahi e kī ana, "Ka pono ahau, ki te tukuna atu e koe, ka whiwhi koe i te wā o te whakamarie, ā, ka whai mai ko te pouri. I te wā pai rawa atu, kāore te tangata e whiwhi ana e aro, i te wā kino rawa atu, ka whakaū i tā rātou whiringa. Tuhia ō kare ā-roto, whakapuakina ō whakaaro ki te pepa, whakapuakina ō whakaaro ki ō hoa. Engari kaua ki tētahi e kore e aro ki ō kupu me ō rātou uara."
• Te whakakori tinana (he rongoā whai hua anō hoki tēnei hei ārai i te pouri, e ai ki tēnei pukapuka)

5. Ko te pouri tetahi o ngā wāhanga o te tuku i ngā mea o mua

Kia pū ake te riri, ka tīmata te mārama ki te ao tūturu o te mate. Ina tūtaki koe ki te kōhao āhua rite ki te mea i takoto ai ō mahere mō te heke mai, ka tīmata te tukanga pouri. I tēnei wāhanga o te wehenga, he mea noa te whakaaro mēnā ko koe te tangata kāore i taea te wikitoria i te wehenga. Mēnā rānei kei te "aroha tonu" koe. I a koe e ngana ana ki te tuku, ka taea e koe te tumanako ka pā ki a koe:  

• Te pouri, te pouri, te riri, te hiahia rānei kia noho motuhake 
• Te koretake o te ngākau, te ngoikore rānei o ngā kare ā-roto i a koe e ite kau, wehea atu i tō taiao, ā, ngaro te māramatanga ki te wā 

Ina mamae tō ngākau i muri i te wehenga, ā, ka pāngia koe e ngā whakaaro kino, he pai ake pea te arotahi ki te aroha ki a koe anō, ki te manaaki i a koe anō, ki ngā mea rānei e pai ake ai tō wairua. E kī ana a Dhriti:

• Te pupuri i tētahi pukapuka tuhi. ako e kī ana tēnei he tikanga whai hua hei whakatau i te raruraru, ā, i kitea "ka taea e te tuhituhi mō ngā āhuatanga pai o te wehenga te whakanui ake i ngā kare ā-roto pai"
• Te rapu i ngā whakaaro, i ngā tauira rānei e aukati ana i a koe kia neke whakamua ("Me pēhea mēnā kāore au e kite anō i te aroha?") me te whakahou i aua whakaaro ("Kāore au i te tino mōhio mō te heke mai, ā, e mataku ana ahau")
• Te toro atu ki ngā whanaunga, ki ngā tohunga hauora hinengaro rānei pērā i te tohunga hinengaro haumanu, i te kaiwhakaora marena whai raihana, i te kaiwhakaora whānau rānei 
• Kai hauora. E ai ki te Forbes, e whakaū ana tētahi tātaritanga o ngā rangahau 15 "ko te kai i ngā kai hauora pērā i ngā huawhenua me ngā hua e pā ana ki ngā painga hinengaro tino nui i muri i ngā wā ahotea, pērā i te wehenga." Mai i te hupa ki ngā nati ki te tiakarete, he pānui pūtaiao pai tēnei mō te take e āwhina ai ētahi kai i a koe ki te wikitoria i te wehenga me te whai hua.
• Te tunu kai māmā. He tau 2016 ako i roto i te Tuhinga o te Hinengaro Pai e kī ana ko te hunga e uru ana ki ngā mahi auaha iti me ngā mahi auaha o ia rā, pērā i te tunu kai me te tunu keke, e tino titiro whakamua ana ki te rā e whai ake nei.

He tumanako kei roto i te pūtaiao. ako i whakahaerehia ki te hunga i te taha o te wehenga. I te wā i whakaaturia ai ngā whakaahua o tā rātou hoa o mua, i whakaatu katoa rātou i te whakahohenga o ngā rohe roro e pā ana ki ngā kare ā-roto o te aroha nui, te piripono, te mamae tinana, te hiahia, te waranga, me te tatau i ngā hua me ngā mate mai i te whanaungatanga. "Heoi, ko te nui ake o ngā rā mai i te whakakorenga, ko te iti ake o te mahi i roto i te rohe roro (te ventral pallidum) e pā ana ki ngā kare ā-roto o te piripono," i kitea.

6. Ka mutu te pouri mō tētahi whanaungatanga ina whakaae koe kua mutu

Koinei tētahi o ngā wāhanga whakamutunga o te wehenga i te wā kua oti i a koe te whakaaro, te aromatawai i tō whanaungatanga o mua, ā, kua tau te rangimārie ki te take kāore kōrua e hoki tahi anō. Kāore koe e ātete ana ki te whakaaro kia tukua rātou kia haere, kia neke whakamua rānei me te kore rātou. Ka rite pea tēnei ki te tuku, ki te whakaae rānei, i te wā kua whakatau koe ki te mutu te ngana ki te whakaora anō i te whanaungatanga ahakoa ngā āhuatanga katoa. 

Nō reira, āhea koe e tumanako ai kia tae ki tēnei taumata? "Kia mārama koe ki ngā mea katoa i pā mai, kua neke atu koe i te wehenga, ā, kāore koe e tino mamae. Engari, ka nui ake tō rangimarie," te kī a Dhriti. A ako e kī mai ana i tētahi mea nui: Kia mārama anō koe ko wai koe i waho o tō whanaungatanga o mua, ka taea e koe te whakaaro kua rite koe ki te neke atu.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te wareware i tētahi e kite ana koe i ia rā, ā, ka kitea te rangimārie

7. Ngā mihi, e whai ake nei

Kua oti i a koe te tātai i te whanaungatanga, kua whakataurite i ngā hapa. Kua tuhia e koe ngā mea kāore i te pai, ā, kua ako i ngā akoranga. Ā, hei whakamutunga, kua tae koe ki tētahi wā ka kite koe i a koe anō e tūtaki ana ki tētahi tangata hou. Tērā pea ka tīmata anō koe me te kore he āwangawanga me ngā kare ā-roto e ranea ana, pērā i te tumanako e ranea ana me te wehi.   

"Ko ētahi tāngata e mataku ana ki te whakahoki anō i te hītori, he tokomaha e mataku ana i roto i te hinengaro. Ko ētahi e ngana ana ki te neke whakamua me te kore whakaae. Ā, ka arahi tēnei ki ngā raruraru i roto i tā rātou whanaungatanga hou," te kī a Dhriti. Nō reira, ki te pena koe whakatau ki te whakaipoipo anō, kia mau tonu te arotahi ki a koe anō me te ao o nāianei. Kaua e taka ki roto i te mahanga o te whakataurite i te whanaungatanga, te tatau rānei i te āhua o te whanaungatanga o tētahi tangata hou ki tētahi hoa o mua. Ki te kore koe e whakaaro kia noho pūmau ki te ao o mua. Ā, ko wai ka mōhio kia pēhea te roa? 

Kia pēhea te roa o te wā e ora ai i te wehenga mamae?

He whakamārama pūtaiao a Helen Fisher i roto i tētahi Ted Korero, "Ina whakarērea koe, ko te mea kotahi e pai ana ki a koe ko te wareware noa i tēnei tangata, kātahi ka haere tonu me tō oranga — Engari kāo, he nui ake tō aroha ki a rātou." Nō reira, kia pēhea te roa o ngā wāhanga motuhake o te wehenga? Ā, he aha te wāhanga roa rawa atu o te wehenga? He pono rānei he haurua te wā e pau ana i a koe e mōhio ana ki tētahi hei whakakore i a rātou? 

E kī ana a Dhriti, "Ahakoa te uaua o te āhua i muri tonu i te wehenga o tētahi whanaungatanga, ka memeha haere ngā kare ā-roto o te pouri me te ngaronga e pā ana ki a koe. Kāore he rohe wā kua whakaritea mō ngā wāhanga 'whakaora i te wehenga'. I runga i tō rātou ake āhua me te whanaketanga o te whanaungatanga, ko te nuinga o te wā e noho ana te tangata i roto i te riri, i te pouri rānei. Ahakoa ko ētahi - inā koa ko ngā wāhine - kua wehe kē i te kare ā-roto i mua i tā rātou whakatau ki te whakamutu katoa i ngā mea."

He mea whakamiharo, rangahau e whakaatu ana he nui rawa te whakaaro o te tangata mō te roa o te wā e ora ai rātou i muri i te wehenga. I roto i te pukapuka Ka kiia he wehenga nā te mea kua pakaru: Te hoa wehenga o te kotiro atamai, Greg Behrendt e kī ana ko te wā e pau ana ki te ite pai mō te wehenga he "ōrite tonu ki te wā e pau ana kia pai ake ai te whakaaro ki a koe anō." Kaore i taea e matou te whakaae atu.

Kāore e taea te manawanui i te mamae o te wehenga. He tohunga hinengaro Guy Winch e kī ana, "He rerekē i ngā awhiowhio tūturu, kāore he kanohi o te mamae o te ngākau — Kāore e tuku i te wā okiokinga, ā, kāore e waiho he wāhi hei piringa. Nō reira, ka noho pūmau tātou, ka mākū, ka pouri hoki kia pahemo rā anō." Nō reira, me mahi tonu te wikitoria i te mamae o te ngākau. Engari ka taea te mahi. 

E kī ana a Dhriti, "He mahi nui te whakahou i ngā whakaaro kino aunoa katoa, me te whakakapi i aua whakaaro ki ngā whakaū pai. Ā, kāore e taea te mahi tonu i muri i te wehenga. Ki te mea kei te raru koe, whakapā atu ki ngā tohunga hei whakatau i te mamae o te wehenga." Ko te tumanako i whai hua tēnei tuhinga ki a koe. Ki te mea kei te rapu āwhina, tohutohu rānei koe, tō mātou whenuangā selors ka koa ki te āwhina.

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