Whakamātauria te Pātaitai "Kei te Whakamāramahia Ahau e te Hauhanga?" I Hangaia e te Tohunga

Kei konei te pātai "Kei te whakamātauria ahau e te hau?" hei whakamārama i ō feaa katoa mō te kupu rongonui 'gaslighting'. Kua mātaki koe i te raupapa Netflix, koeKo te toa kino, a Joe, kei te whaia tonutia, kei te raweketia hoki ngā kiripuaki wāhine o te raupapa, tae noa ki te taumata ka tīmata rātou ki te ruarua i ō rātou ake whakaaro pai. Ka teka ia, ka whakakore i ō rātou kare ā-roto, ka whakaatu i ō rātou kare ā-roto, ā, ka whakamahia ō rātou kare ā-roto hei whawhai ki a rātou.

Pērā i te raupapa, kāore he mea kino atu i te tukino e kore e kitea i roto i te whanaungatanga. E iwa i roto i te tekau, ka nui rawa te tukino kare ā-roto i mua i te tautuhi me te whakamutu. Ahakoa kāore e taea e koe te aro ki ngā mahi tinihanga kare ā-roto me te tukino a te hoa, kei a koe te whakaaro kei te hē tetahi mea. Tērā pea kua whakaaro koe, "Kei te tinihangatia ahau e taku hoa?" Ā, ki te pērā, me pēhea e taea ai e koe te whakaū i tō whakaaro?

Kei te wāhi tika koe nā te mea kei a mātou tō tuara mō tēnei pātai "Kei te whakamātauria ahau e te hau?" i hangaia e te tohunga hinengaro. Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), he tohunga whakahaere ira tangata me te whanaungatanga. Kei te tūhuratia e mātou ngā āhuatanga rerekē o te gaslighting, me ōna pānga ki a koe. Me tīmata mā te whakamārama i te gaslighting – he momo tinihanga tino nui e taka ana ki raro i te tukino hinengaro.

Mā te whakamahi i te hauhautanga ka pātai te tangata ki ōna pūkenga tirohanga me ōna pūkenga hinengaro, ka ara ake ai tōna whakahīhī ki a ia anō. Kāore he take ki te kī, ko te whakamahinga o te hauhautanga te mea tino pai ki te kite i a ia anō i ngā wāhanga tuatahi. Whakamātauria te pātai "Kei te whakamahi au i te hauhautanga?" me te hinengaro tuwhera hei aromatawai i tō āhuatanga. Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakaora ko te whakaae. Tēnā tātou!

Ko te Pātaitai Tino Pai "Kei te Whakamārama Hauhanga Ahau?" i Hangaia e ngā Tohunga

I tuhituhi tētahi kaipānui nō Minnesota, "Kei te whakamātauhia ahau e te hau, kei te porangi rānei ahau? Kua roa taku hoa tāne e kore e harikoa ki ahau. I whakaaro tonu ahau nāku, kāore au i te rawaka... Engari i ētahi wā kua mōhio ahau kei te whakapae ia i ahau mō ngā mea katoa. Kei te whakamātauhia ahau e taku hoa tāne? Me pēhea taku mārama ki te āhua o te mea e tupu ana? Ā, ko te mea nui ake, me manukanuka ahau mō tēnei?"

Ko te raruraru tuatahi e pā ana ki te gaslighting ko te whakaiti a te tangata i tōna pānga. Jaseena e whakamārama ana, "Kāore te whakamāoritanga hau i te tino arohia pērā i te mea e tika ana nā te mea he maha ngā wā ka hunaia hei aroha, hei āwangawanga, hei manaaki. Kāore te iwi e mōhio kei reira tētahi tikanga tukino. Kua kite pea rātou i tēnei whanonga i a rātou e tipu ake ana, ā, kua noho hei mea noa mō rātou. Kāore rānei rātou e aro ki te whakamāoritanga hau nā te mea e whakaaro ana rātou he whakaata tēnei i te manawanui, i te manawanui rānei i tō rātou taha."

Nō reira, ka huri te whakamahinga o te hauhautanga, ka pā ki ngā wāhanga katoa o te oranga o te tangata. Hei ārai i tēnei i roto i a koe, whakaakona koe ki ngā mea e pā ana ki te whakarerekētanga e huna ana hei arohaKo te huarahi pai ki te tīmata ko te whakaoti i tēnei pātaitai "Kei te whakamātauria ahau e te hau?". He tino māmā tā mātou whakatakotoranga - he tekau ā mātou pātai whiriwhiri maha. Ka whiriwhiria e koe te whakautu e tino tika ana mō tō āhuatanga. Kia oti, ka tukuna he tātaritanga i runga i te kōwhiringa i whiriwhiria e koe. Ka kitea e mātou te tauira e raru ana koe. Anei te pātaitai hei whakautu i tēnei pātai uaua e whakararuraru ana i a koe - Kei te whakamātauria ahau e taku hoa rangatira/hoa rangatira?

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Whakamārama i te Hinengaro i roto i ngā Hononga - 7 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga hei Tāutu me ngā Huarahi e 5 hei Whakamutu

Ngā Tohutohu mō te Whakaoti i te Pātaitai "Kei te Whakamāramahia Ahau e te Hauhanga?" 

• Tekau ngā pātai o tēnei pātaitai, ā, e whitu meneti pea te roa
• Pānuihia ngā pātai o te whakamātautau hauhanga me te āta tirotiro.
• Kia pono ki a koe anō ina whakaoti koe i te pātai "Kei te whakamātauria ahau e te hau?"
• E tika ana tēnei pātaitai mō ngā whakahoahoa, ngā whanaungatanga whānau, tae atu ki ngā hoa mahi
• Kaua e whakaarohia tēnei pātaitai hei whakamātautau mārama anake
• Rapua he āwhina mai i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana nā te mea he momo tukino te whakamahi i te hauhautanga

1. Kei te pāngia koe e te hara, e te whakapāha rānei ki a rātou?

ĀE! I ngā wā katoa

B. Āe, engari kāore i te wā katoa

C. Kāo, kāre au i te mōhio ki tāu e kōrero nei

2. Ki te whakapuaki koe i tētahi amuamu ki tō hoa, he aha te āhua o tā rātou whakautu?

A. “Kei te tino tairongo rawa koe.”

B. “He aha te take e amuamu ai? He nui ngā mea hei whakawhetai māu.”

C. “Me kōrero hōhonu tāua mō tēnei mea, me kōrero mai anō.”

3. Kei te ruarua koe i tō tirohanga nā te mea e whakapono ana tō hoa he mea kē te pono?

Āe, tata tonu ahau e pōhēhē ana mō taku ake putanga o ngā kaupapa

B. Āe, i ētahi wā ka ruarua ahau i taku tirohanga

C. Kāo, he tino māia ahau ki taku tirohanga ki ngā mea

4. Ina hē tō hoa, ka whakaae ia ki te kawenga mō āna whanonga?

Ā. Kāo, kāore rātou e whakaae ana kei a rātou te he

B. Kāo, he tikanga tā rātou e whakamārama ana i ā rātou whanonga

C. Ae, ka whakaae rātou ki te kawenga mō ā rātou mahi

5. He taha kotahi ō kōrero me ō tautohetohe, me te whakaaro o tō hoa he tika rāua?

Āe, ka whakaaro aunoa rātou he hē ahau, ā, kāore rātou e tuku i ahau kia kōrero

B. Ae, he roa te wā e hiahiatia ana e rātou kia kite i taku tirohanga

C. Kāo, e tuwhera ana rātou ki aku tirohanga

6. E hia ngā wā ka whakamahia e tō hoa ngā kīanga whakahihiko pēnei i te, "Tirohia te mea i meinga ahau e koe kia mahi" me te "Nāu tēnei e tupu ai"?

A. He maha tonu ngā wā; ka meinga ahau kia whai kawenga mō ā rātou whanonga

B. I ētahi wā; ka whakapaetia ahau ina hē ngā mea

C. Kāore rawa; Kāore au i te whai kawenga mō ā rātou kōwhiringa

7. Kua kīia atu ki a koe kia 'kati' te whakamā/te whakaari/te aro nui ina tohu koe i tētahi āwangawanga?

Āe; e ai ki te kōrero, ko te raruraru kei roto i ōku kare ā-roto

B. I ētahi wā; ka panaia ahau e taku hoa

C. Kāore rawa; kāore ōku kare ā-roto e whakakorekoretia

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Whakautu ki te Whakamārama Hauhanga – 9 Ngā Tohutohu Tuturu

8. Kei te whakaatu tō hoa i tētahi tauira o te whakahē tonu i a koe?

Āe, he maha ngā wā ka whakaaro ahau kāore au i te pai

B. Āe, i ētahi wā ka pāngia ahau e ngā kōrero koretake

C. Kāo, he whai hua tonu te whakahē (ina tukuna)

9. Kua tīmata koe ki te ruarua haere i ōu kaha i ēnei rā?

Āe, kāore au i te tino mōhio ki ahau anō. Me pēhea mēnā kei te hē taku mahi?

B. Āe, kua pāngia ahau e ētahi pānga iti ki ahau anō

C. Kāo, e whakapono ana ahau ki ōku pūkenga

10. Ā, hei whakamutunga, anei tētahi āhuatanga: I whakaroa tō hoa i tētahi tina me ō mātua i te meneti whakamutunga, me te kī he take mahi. I mōhio koe he pono kua roa pea tā rāua hui. Ina kōrero koe ki a rāua mō taua mea anō, me pēhea tā rāua tauhohe?

A. Ka whakapae rātou i a koe mō te kore e mārama ki tā rātou e pā ana ki te mahi, ā, ka kī mai hoki ki a koe te kore tautoko i a koe

B. Ka whakapae tō hoa i a koe mō te kore e aro nui ki tō rātou āhuatanga, ā, ka tuku whakapāha rūpahu koe

C. Ka whakapāha mai rātou, ā, ka hoatu he whakautu pono hei whakamārama i tō rātou ngaro

Ngā Hua – Kei te whakamahia ahau e taku hoa ki te hau?

E whakapono ana mātou i hoatu e te pātai "Kei te tinihangatia ahau e te hau?" he whakaaro nui ki a koe. Engari kua tae ki te wā ki te whakakore i ngā feaa katoa i a koe e anga whakamua ana ki ngā hua. Kei te neke tika atu mātou ki te taumata o te tinihangatia kei roto koe, me ngā āhuatanga o roto. Kei te tinihangatia ahau e te hau? te whakakāhia e taku wahine, e pātai ana koe? Kei te whakakāhoretia ahau e taku tāne, tera pea koe e whakaaro. He whakakāhoretia rānei taku hoa wahine/hoa tāne/hoa mō te wā roa? Anei te tātaritanga o te pātai "Kei te whakakāhoretia ahau e te whakakāhoretia?".

1. Mena i whiriwhiria e koe te nuinga o te As

Mena kei te whakararuraru koe i te pātai "I whakamātauria ahau ki te whakamahi i te hau?", kāore ō kare ā-roto i hē. He raruraru kei roto i ō ringaringa - kei te whakamātauria koe ki te whakamahi i te hau i roto i te huarahi kino me te paitini. Kei te whakamahi tō hoa i ngā rautaki maha hei whakahaere i a koe (hei tauira, ngā kupu whakamātau) ā, kua pāngia kē tō oranga. Mena kāore anō kia tīmata tēnei, ka whakamārama a Jaseena i te mea ka tupu i roto i ngā rā tata nei:

"Ko te tangata e whakamahia ana te hauhautanga ka whakaaro he koretake, he pōhēhē hoki ia. Ka tīmata rātou ki te pātai i te ao tūturu e kitea ana e rātou, ā, ka pāngia hoki tō rātou mana ake. Hei tāpiri atu ki ēnei mea katoa, ka pouri rātou ki te āhuatanga, ki tō rātou hoa rangatira, me te whanaungatanga. Ka tino mōhio rātou kāore tēnei momo whakaaro i te mea noa – engari he aha rawa tā rātou e mahi ai mō tēnei mea? Ka tīmata tēnei i tētahi huringa kino e whāngai ana i ō rātou hinengaro kino."

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He pānga nui tō te whakamāoritanga hau ki te oranga o te tangata. Mēnā kei te pāngia koe e te pouri me te hinganga, ka heke haere tonu ngā āhuatanga i ia rā, i ia rā. Engari i te iti rawa kei te mōhio koe ki ngā mea e tupu ana; he mea whakaaro nui ki a koe te whakaoti i te pātai "Kei te whakamāoritia ahau e te hau?". I a koe e pātai tonu ana ki ō hoa, "I whakamāoritia ahau e te hau?", i puta mai i te mōhio ki a koe anō.

Nō reira, mā te whiwhi i te A tika ka whakahīhī pea ō mātua ina he whakamātautau kura, engari i roto i tēnei whakamātautau hauhautanga, me whakaaroaro koe ki tō hua. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, me noho tata ki te hunga e whakamahara ana i a koe ki tō tika me tō tika. Me whakaaroaro hoki, me whakakorikori tinana hei whakamarie i tō hinengaro. Ko te tumanako kua hoatu e tēnei whakamātautau he tirohanga pono ki a koe. Ka taea e koe te mutu me te whakakorekore, me te kohikohi i te maia ki te karanga i tō hoa, ki te whakarē rānei i a rātou.

2. Mena ko te nuinga o ngā B i whiriwhiria e koe

Ahakoa kāore tō whanaungatanga e kiia he paitini, e kitea mārama ana ngā tohu tuatahi o te gaslighting. Kua tae koe ki te wā tika mō te whakahaere i ngā kino. E whakamārama ana a Jaseena, "Kia tūpato ki ngā tohu whakatūpato e rua - te whakahāwea i a koe anō me te whakaae ki ngā hapa ehara i a koe. He tohu ēnei mō te gaslighting i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa he iti ake te auau, te kaha rānei o ēnei āhuatanga, he take tō āwangawanga."

Tuatahi, ngā mihi nui ki a koe mō te hopu i ēnei mea ngawari ngā tohu o te mura hauHe mea whakamiharo rawa tō kitenga i a rātou, me tō mataara hoki ki te hauora o tō whanaungatanga. Kāore anō kia roa rawa te mahi i ngā mea katoa, kia ora ai i ngā āhuatanga kino. Mā te āwhina iti me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera ka āwhina i a koe ki te wawahi i tēnei tauira, ka ārahi i tō whanaungatanga ki te huarahi hauora ake.

Kia mahara koe rangahau e mea ana ka ngana te kaikōrero hau ki te wawahi i tō whakaata whakaaroaro kia mutu ai tō ruarua i a koe anō. Ka whakamahia e ngā kaikōrero hau ngā rautaki pēnei i te whakakorekore, te arataki hē, te whakawhāiti, me te teka. Nō reira, ki te kite koe i ngā tohu tōmua o te pātai i tō ake hinengaro pai, tīmatahia te mahi tahi me tō hoa mahi nā te mea ka huri hei paitini. 

Ki te puta tonu mai te pātai, "Kei te whakamahia ahau e te hauhautanga, kei te porangi rānei ahau?" i roto i tō hinengaro a muri ake nei, me whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa. Ko te pūtake o tēnei raruraru ko te hiahia o tō hoa ki te whakahaere, ki te whiwhi rānei i te mana ki runga i a koe. Mā te mahi tahi me tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana ka tino āwhina i a rātou.

3. Mena ko te nuinga o ngā C i whiriwhiria e koe

Kāore he mea hei manukanuka māu mēnā ko te nuinga o ngā whakautu "Kei te whakamātauria ahau e te hau?" i puta i a koe. He pai, he ora hoki tō whanaungatanga, ā, kei roto i a ia ngā mea katoa e tika ana kia whai. ngā āhuatanga e hari ai te oraKo tāu whakautu e whakaatu ana kāore he wā o te whakaute, o te tukino rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga. He pakeke kōrua ki te whakahaere i ngā pakanga me te whakatere i ngā uauatanga o te ao. Kia mau tonu te aroha me te kata i roto i tō kōrua hononga.

Engari kāore he kino o te pupuri i tētahi rārangi hei ārai noa iho. Anei ētahi tauira o ngā kīanga "gaslighting" hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakautu i te pātai, "Kei te gaslighting ahau, kei te gaslighting rānei?"

1. ""Kei te whakanuia tonutia e koe ngā mea. Kāore rawa i te tino raruraru."
2. ""He tangata pōrangi koe. He whakaaro noa iho koe i ngā mea katoa."
3. "Kāore ō raruraru i te tūturu. Kati te whakaari nui.”
4. "Kāore e ranea āu mahi i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga. Ko au anake te tangata e aro nui ana.”
5. "Kāore au e aro atu ki tō raruraru anō. He tangata pōrangi koe.”
6. ""I kōrero tāua mō tēnei. Kāore koe i te mahara?"
7. "Me i aro noa mai koe…”
8. ""Kāore rawa koe e whakarongo ki tētahi kupu aku e kōrero nei."
9. ""Me kōrero tonu ahau i ahau anō, nā te mea kāore koe e mahara ki tetahi mea."
10. "Kāore e taea e koe te tango i tētahi katakata māmā noa iho."
11. "E whakahe ana ahau i a koe nā te mea e aroha ana ahau ki a koe."
12. "Kei te nui rawa ō whakaaro."
13. "E kore e taea e au te mahi tahi me te tangata kāore e whakawhirinaki ki ahau."
14. "Me ako koe ki te kōrero pai ake."
15. "He whakaaro koretake tonu koe."

Mena he C te nuinga o āu whakautu, ka taea e koe te whakangā me te okioki. Kāore koe e whakamātauria ana e tō hoa. I tētahi atu taha, mena he A me he B āu whakautu, he nui te painga o te rapu āwhina ngaio. Mena kei te rapu āwhina koe, he tohunga, he mātau hoki ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mō... Te paraharaha a Bonobologyel kei konei mātou māu. He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua puta mai i ngā whanaungatanga tukino kare ā-roto me te āwhina a tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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