Te Whakautu ki te Whakamārama Hauhanga – 9 Ngā Tohutohu Tuturu

He maha ngā wā i roto i te ao, ka pōuri tātou ki te tūtaki ki ngā tāngata e whakararu tonu ana i tō tātou hauora hinengaro. Ko te hunga kino rawa atu pea ko ngā kaipāpā hau. He tohunga tinihanga ngā kaipāpā hau, ā, he maha ngā wā ka pātai koe i tō ake hinengaro kia riro ai i a koe te mana. He mea nui te mōhio me pēhea te urupare ki te pāpā hau hei tiaki i a koe mai i ngā pānga o tēnei tikanga tinihanga.

Tērā pea he māmā ake te whakapae i a koe anō i roto i ēnei āhuatanga i te whakautu ki tētahi kaiwhakakā hau i roto i te huarahi ka āwhina i te wawahi i tēnei tauira paitini. Ki te kore koe e mōhio he aha te mea, he aha ōna tohu, he uaua te kite i aua tauira tinihanga me te mōhio me pēhea te whakautu ina whakakā hau koe e tētahi, inā koa he ngāwari ake te kī atu he paitini te tangata e arohaina ana e koe i te mahi.

Mā te āwhina a te kaiako whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga Utkarsh Khurana (MA Clinical Psychology, Ph.D. Scholar), he kaiako manuhiri i te Whare Wānanga o Amity, ā, he tohunga ki ngā take manukanuka, ngā whakapono kino, me te takitahi i roto i te whanaungatanga, hei tauira noa iho, kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe kia tū pakari ki tēnei mahi tinihanga tonu me te whakamārama i te huarahi pai ki te urupare ki te gaslighting, ahakoa te āhuatanga.

He aha te Whakamārama Hauhanga?

Ina āta tinihangatia koe e tetahi kia ruarua ai koe i ō kare ā-roto, i tō mahara, i tō tirohanga rānei ki te ao tūturu, ka kiia tēnei he gaslighting. He momo tukino te gaslighting. Ka whakamārama a Utkarsh mā te hoatu i tētahi tauira, "Kei te hē taku mahi, ā, ina tohu mai taku hoa, ka whakakahoretia e au te whakapae, ka mahi me te mea kāore i tupu. Ki te maha ngā wā ka whakahokia tēnei, ka tīmata pea taku hoa ki te pātai i te tika o tā rātou tirohanga." Ehara i te mea ngāwari te ako me pēhea te wikitoria i te kai-gaslighting.

Ka whakapoauau koe i te whakamahi i te rama hau, ka whakararuraru hoki i a koe anō. He mea whakakatakata te āhua o te whakararuraru i a koe anō e tata kore ai e taea te kite me te wikitoria i te tangata e whakamahi ana i te rama hau. I te nuinga o te wā, i roto i whanaungatanga kino, ka whakamahia e te kaipātū hau te ruarua o tana hoa ki te whakararuraru tonu i tana mana whiriwhiri. E kī ana a Utkarsh, "Tērā pea ka mōhio te kaipātū hau kei te whakamahi rātou i te hau engari mā tā rātou tikanga tiaki e whakamārama mā te whakapono kei te mahi rātou hei tiaki i a rātou anō."

He onge te whakakākahu hau kore mohio engari ka taea tonu. I ētahi wā ka whakakākahu hau tō hoa i a koe me te kore e mārama ki tā rātou mahi. Kei te whai noa rātou i tētahi tauira kua whakawhanakehia e rātou i roto i ngā tau, me te kore e mōhio. Ko te whakautu ki tētahi kaiwhakakākahu hau, e kore nei e mōhio ki ā rātou tauira paitini, ka uaua ake. Nā te mea kāore i a rātou te mōhio ki a rātou anō, ka uaua ake te whakaatu i a rātou ki te hapa o ā rātou ara.

Nā te āhua whakahihi o te tangata, kaua ngā kaipāpā hau e pāngia e te pou poti 10 putu te roa, me te kore rawa e whakatā. Engari kia ako ai koe me pēhea te whakautu ki te whakahihi o te tangata whakahihi, me pēhea rānei te aukati i te kaipāpā hau, me mōhio tuatahi koe kei te whakahihihia koe. Kia mōhio koe, me te pouri nui, ko tō hoa aroha, ko te tangata e arohaina ana e koe, e arohaina ana e koe, e whakawhirinakihia ana e koe, tērā pea kua whakahihihia koe kia tutuki ai tana hiahia, ka taea e koe te arotahi ki te āhua o te tū atu ki te kaipāpā hau.

Me pēhea te mōhio ki ngā tohu kei te whakamātauria koe ki te hau

I mua i te mahi i tētahi mahi nui, ko te mahi tuatahi ko te tautuhi ngā tohu o te rama hauHe iti noa te tīmatanga engari ka nui haere tonu te whakahaere a ngā kaiwhakamārama hau i te wāhi hinengaro me te wāhi tinana mā rātou anō mēnā ka takoto tonu koe. Ko te huarahi māmā ki te kite i te whakamārama hau ko te whai a tō hoa i ngā tauira whanonga tinihanga auau.

E kī ana a Utkarsh, "Ki te whakakahoretia rawatia e tō hoa te āhuatanga, me te kore e whakaae ki ō kare ā-roto, ki ō wheako rānei, ko te tikanga kei te wareware rawa rātou ki tō mooni, ki tō oranga tonutanga hoki." Ko te nui ake o tō pātai i te mooni, me tō ruarua i a koe anō, ko te nui ake o tō whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa mahi hauhautanga kia mahi. Ki te tīmata te tangata whakahihi ki te te whakahaere i a koe i runga i te ingoa o te aroha Ahakoa e whakararu ana i tō hauora hinengaro, he tauira matarohia tēnei o te whakamāoritanga o te tangata ki te āhua o te tangata. Ko ētahi atu tohu o te whakamāoritanga o te tangata i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko:

1. Ka whakakorengia ō āwangawanga, ō kare ā-roto rānei

Ka whakakorengia ō āwangawanga, ō kare ā-roto rānei, kia noho tonu ai hei pokapū aro. Ko te whakaiti i tō mooni te mahi a te whakahāwea hau whakahihi. E kī ana rātou i ēnei mea:

• "Kei te whakaaro noa koe i ngā mea"
• "Kāore he take kia tino aro atu. He kata noa iho taku."
• "Kāore he mea i tupu. Kati te whakararuraru nui rawa"

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Whanoketanga Ātete-Pukuriri i roto i te Hononga: Ngā Tohu me ngā Tauira

2. Ka tawai rātou i a koe, ka whakakatakata hoki i ō whakaaro

Whakaarohia te āhua o tō whakaaro i te mea he kaikōrero hau koe. He iti? He koretake? He koretake? Ko tētahi tauira noa o te kōrero haukorekore ko te tawai me te tawai i ō whakaaro i mua i te aroaro o ētahi atu. He maha ngā wā ka hunaia tēnei momo kōrero haukore hei whakakatakata whakahihi. E kī ana rātou i ēnei mea:

• "Āe, he tino ātaahua koe, engari ehara tēnā i te pono"
• "Tukua rā. Kāore koe e mōhio ki tetahi mea mō…."
• (Ki ētahi atu) "He pai ki a ia te kōrero pakiwaitara"
• (Ki ētahi atu) "Āe, e whakaaro ana ia he nui āna mōhiotanga mō te mahi a te moni"

3. Ka whakaititia e rātou ō wikitoria

I toa koe i tētahi whakataetae? Ka whakamahara atu rātou ki a koe ehara i te mea nui, ā, ka tīmata tonu te whakarārangi i ngā wā i toa ai rātou i ngā whakataetae nui ake, pai ake. Mā te whakaiti i ō wikitoria me te hanga i a rātou anō hei mea nui. te whakamārama hau whakahihi mahi. Ā, i te ako me pēhea te urupare ki te whakahāwea i te tangata whakahihi, me kite koe i a rātou mō tō rātou āhua. E kī ana rātou i ngā mea penei:

• "Haere mai! Kaua e whakanuia rawatia."
• "Haere mai! Kei te whakapehapeha noa koe ināianei."
• "He rawe tēnā, engari me kōrero atu e au ki a koe te wā i…"

4. Ka kōrero anō rātou i ngā kaupapa, ā, ka whakakahore i tō putanga

Ina karanga koe i tētahi kaikōrero mō te hau, ka tito kōrero rātou hei whakahē i tō putanga mō ngā kaupapa. Mena he maha ngā wā ka whakakahore tō hoa i tō putanga mō ngā mea i tupu, he kōrero whakahē tonu tāna e tino rerekē ana i tāu, ā, ka kitea e ia he huarahi hei whakakore i ngā mea katoa. whakawhitihia te whakapae ki a koe, kāti, kei te whakamahia koe e te kaipātū hau. He aha te āhua o tō wairua i te kaipātū hau? Ko te nuinga kāore i te tino mōhio ki a koe anō, he pōhēhē, he ngākau mahaki, he pōuri. E kī ana rātou i ēnei mea:

• "He porangi koe? Ehara i te mea koinā te āhua i tupu ai."
• "Ehara i te penei taku mahara."
• "Kāore koe i te mōhio ki tāu e kōrero nei"

5. Kei te hiahia tonu koe ki te mihi atu

Ko tēnei tohu e pā ana ki ō kare ā-roto ina whakamātauria koe ki te hau. Kei te ruarua tonu koe mō ō kare ā-roto, inā koa mō tō riri, tō amuamu rānei ki a rātou. Kei te ngaro tō whakapono ki a koe anō. Kei te āwangawanga koe, kei te manukanuka tonu i te nuinga o te wā. Engari i te nuinga o te wā, te āhua nei ko koe tonu te tangata e whakapāha ana mō ngā take katoa.

Ko te hunga e whakamahi ana i ngā kaiāwhina hauhautanga (gaslighting) he hunga e taunga ana ki te whakaiti i ō rātou hoa, ā, kāore rātou e kite i te kino e pā mai ana ki a rātou. Mena kua rongo koe i tō hoa e kōrero ana i ētahi o ēnei kupu rongonui i kōrerotia i mua ake nei, he pouri ki te kī atu kei a koe pea he kaiāwhina hauhautanga. Mena kei te kite noa koe kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga me tētahi kaiāwhina hauhautanga, ehara tēnei i te wā ki te mataku. Kia mōhio koe ki te urupare ki te kaiāwhina hauhautanga, ko te mea nui ko te whakatakoto i tētahi mahere me te whai i tēnei, taahiraa i te taahiraa.

Te pānui e pā ana: 20 Ngā Kīanga Whakamārama Hau i roto i ngā Hononga e Whakamate ana i te Aroha

Me pēhea te urupare ki te Gaslighting – 9 Ngā Tohutohu

I kite a Courtney kāore e taea e ia te whakatau i tana ota i a ia me tana hoa e haere ana i waho rā rua me tana hoa pai, a Sharon, me tana hoa taumau. I tūtaki ngā hoa i muri tata i te tau, nā te mea i noho pūmau rātou ki ngā tāone rerekē mō te roanga katoa o te mate urutā, ā, i ohorere a Sharon i te kitenga i tana hoa i mua he tangata māia, he tangata māia e titiro ana ki te whakaae a tana hoa mō tāna kai.

"Tīkina te mea e pai ana ki a koe," te kī a Sharon me te riri. "Ki taku whakaaro e hiahia ana ahau ki te tītī engari kāore au i te mōhio..." ka mutu tana reo. "Kāore koe e pai ki te tītī. Haunga tēnā, i ēnei rā, me pēhea e taea ai e te tangata te whiriwhiri ki te kai i te tītī me te mōhio ki te nui o te takoha a te umanga mīti ki te mahana o te ao," te whakautu a tana hoa tāne hou kua huri hei vegan.

"Āe, kāore au i te tino mōhio mēnā he pai ki ahau te tītī. Ka kai au i te huamata," te whakautu a Courtney me te āhua pouri. Ahakoa kāore a Courtney i te mōhio ki ngā mahi e pā ana ki a ia i runga i te ingoa o te aroha, i kite tonu a Sharon i ngā tohu kino. I mōhio ia me āwhina ia i tana hoa ki te kimi huarahi hei whakautu i te gaslighting i roto i te whanaungatanga, kei pā kino ki a ia. kiritau-whaiaro me te utu whaiaro.

Engari, kei te karapotia tātou e ngā tauira pēnei i a Courtney. Kāore he huarahi e mōhio ai koe āhea ka tūtaki koe ki tētahi kaikā ahi. Ahakoa kei te tūtaki tonu koe ki tētahi, he uaua tonu ki te kite i a rātou me te mea he kaikā ahi rātou. Nā tēnei ka nui ake te hiranga o te kite i ngā tohu me te mōhio me pēhea te urupare ki te kaikā ahi mēnā ka tūtaki koe ki tētahi āhuatanga pēnei.

1. Tāutuhia te tauira

Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakautu ki te gaslighting, kia mōhio koe ka tīmata mā te tautuhi i te tauira. Nō reira, ko te taahiraa nui rawa atu, toa rawa atu i te wā e ārai ana i te gaslighting ko te taahiraa tuatahi, arā, te tautuhi i ngā tauira kino o tō hoa. Ki te kite koe i a rātou e tawai tonu ana i ō kōrero, e whakaiti ana rānei i ō whakaaro, tera pea kei te mahi tahi koe me te gaslighting.

Kia aro nui atu ki ā rātou mahi me ā rātou kupu. Mēnā he rerekē ā rātou mahi ki tā rātou e kōrero nei, he tohu mārama tēnei kei te ngana rātou ki te whakahaere i a koe. Hei whakautu tika ki te whakahāwea i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, me tango e koe ngā mōhiti kanohi whero, ka tiro i tō āhua hihiri me te whai hua. Engari ina kua piri tō kare ā-roto ki tētahi atu, ka kitea te ngā haki whero mō te whanaungatanga puku ā, ko te whakamihi i a rātou mō tō rātou āhua te mea tino uaua rawa atu ki te mahi.

I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi hoa pono – he hoa, he whānau, he tangata whakawhirinaki – me te whakawhirinaki ki tā rātou whakatau. Mena kua kōrero mai ō whanaunga kei te hē tetahi mea i roto i tō whanaungatanga, whakarongo mai, kaua e wareware ki ō rātou āwangawanga. Ko reira anake ka taea e koe te tīmata ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakautu ina riri mai tētahi ki a koe.

Te pānui e pā ana: Ka tukino ia, kātahi ka whakapāha – kua mau ahau ki tēnei porowhita kino

2. Hoki whakamuri

Me aro tonu ngā tāngata i pangia e te hauātanga ki te wehi nui, te riri, me te manukanuka. Ka taea e tēnei te whakangaro haere i ō rātou hauora hinengaro tae noa ki te wā ka tīmata rātou ki te ngaro i ō rātou pūkenga me tō rātou kaha ki te aro atu ki te hauātanga. E mōhiotia ana tēnei ngoikoretanga e ō rātou tāngata i pangia e te hauātanga he whai wāhi ki te whakahaere i a rātou anō.

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakautu ki tētahi e whakahāwea ana i a koe, me te wehe atu i taua momo paitini. Kia roa rawa te noho o tēnei tauira, tera pea ka angitu rātou ki te meinga koe kia whakapono ko rātou anake te tangata ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki atu, ka hanga he āhua kino. te kaha o te mana i roto i te whanaungatangaNō reira, ka roa ake, ka uaua haere te whakakore i tā rātou e hiahia ana.

I ēnei āhuatanga, he mea nui kia wehea he wāhi mōu ake. Whakamātauria te hikoi ko koe anake. Mā ngā mahi manawa me te whakaaroaro koe e āwhina kia marino, kia whakaaro tika hoki. Ka taea e te tango wā mōu ake, kia matara atu hoki i tō kaiwhakatoi te mahi whakamiharo i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakahaere, ā, i te mutunga, ka mawhiti atu i aua āhuatanga.

Ko te huarahi pai ki te urupare ki te gaslighting ko te whakahoki mai i te mana whakahaere o tō oranga, o tō mana whakahaere, me tō whakapono ki ō pūkenga ki te whakatau tika, āta haere. Mā te waihanga i tētahi tawhiti i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatutuki i tēnā. Ki te kore koe e aro ki tētahi gaslighting, ka waiho e koe te kaipahua me te kore e kite i te harikoa o tā rātou hopu.

3. Tuhia ngā taunakitanga

Kāore i te kotahi noa te wā e puta ai te Gaslighting. He maha tonu ngā wā ka whakahaerehia e ngā Gaslighting ā rātou tauira me ā rātou mahere kino. Ko tētahi o ā rātou mahi tinihanga ko te whakakahore i ngā mea i mahia, i kōrerotia rānei e rātou, kia mutu ai tō ruarua i a koe anō. Te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino pēnei ka tata te taenga atu ki te wāhi e kore e taea, ka meinga koe kia pōuri, kia whakamomori hoki.

Mena he rite tēnei ki tētahi mea kua pā ki a koe, he mea nui kia tīmata te kohikohi me te penapena i ngā taunakitanga pēnei i ngā whakaahua mata o ngā karere kuputuhi me ngā īmēra, ngā rekoata o ō kōrerorero waea, me ngā puka tuhi taipitopito o ia rā. Ahakoa kei te rapu huarahi koe hei whakautu ki te hauātanga i te mahi, i roto rānei i tētahi whanaungatanga, he mea nui kia whai taunakitanga pakari hei tautoko i tō māramatanga ki ngā mea e mahia ana ki a koe.

Ki te mea kei a koe ngā taunakitanga e tika ana, ā, e mōhio ana koe kei te teka tō hoa, ehara i te mea ka āwhina i a koe ki te kite mārama i ā rātou tauira tinihanga, engari ka māmā ake hoki te whakamutu i te mahi a te kaipāho hau. Ka taea hoki e ngā taunakitanga te āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere pai ake i ngā mea me te mōhio kāore koe i te tino haurangi, ā, kei te hē tetahi mea. Ā, ki te kino haere ngā take, ā, ka whakatau koe ki te tiki whakahau aukati, ka taea e ngā taunakitanga te āwhina i a koe i roto i te kooti.

4. Whakatūpato

Koinei tētahi o ngā urupare tino uaua ki te whakahāwea i te tangata mō te nuinga o ngā tāngata i pāngia. Ina taunga te tangata ki te whakakorenga, te kore aro, me te kōrero whakaiti, ka tīmata rātou ki te whakawhanake i tētahi wairua kore whakapono me te ngākau ngāwari. Mā te riri mārire ki ngā kaiwhakahāwea mō ā rātou kōrero teka me ā rātou whanonga whanoke ka ārai pea i a rātou kei tukino i a koe. Whakautu atu ki tētahi e whakahāwea ana i a koe i roto i te āhua o te katakata mā te tono noa atu ki a rātou kia whakamārama he aha te mea e kata ai te "katakata" whakarihariha.

Ki te whakatau koe whakautu ki tāu tāne whakakā hau Mō te wahine, mō te hoa rangatira rānei, kia mōhio koe ka tino uaua ake tēnei āhuatanga nā te mea ka tere tonu te huri hei tangata pukuriri, hei tangata tutu hoki. I ēnei wā, he mea nui kia mōhio koe ka taea e koe te tono āwhina. Me whakatata atu ki ēnei momo kōrero i roto i ngā wāhi haumaru, me ngā hoa, ngā whanaunga rānei i te taha, i te taha tata rānei. Waea atu ki ō hoa mō te tautoko.

Mā te whai i tētahi hei tautoko i a koe ka tino āwhina i a koe ki te whakapakari i tō whakapono ki a koe anō ina whakatau koe ki te whakautu ki te hauātanga. Ina whakamahia te tautohetohe hei huarahi whakautu ki tētahi hauātanga, kia maumahara tonu ka puta he pana whakahoki i roto i tētahi āhua, i tētahi āhua rānei. Me hipoki e koe ō pūtake katoa.

5. Whakawhanakehia tō whakapono ki a koe anō

Mena kei te pupuri tonu koe i ngā taunakitanga o ngā kōrero me ngā āhuatanga e ngana ana tō hoa ki te whakahē i a koe, he māmā ake pea te hanga i tō whakapono ki a ia anō kia taea ai e ia te aro atu ki a ia. Kia maumahara, ko tō whakahāwea i a ia anō te patu nui rawa atu māna, nō reira he mea tino nui kia kaua e tukua kia uru ki roto i tō hinengaro.

Ka nui ake tō ruarua i a koe anō, ka māmā ake mā rātou te hanga i a koe hei te patunga o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka ngana rātou ki te kukume i a koe ki te pakanga kia taea ai e rātou te whakatoi tonu i a koe, me te whakaiti i tō whakapono ki a koe anō. Nā, me pēhea e taea ai e koe te aukati i tētahi kaikōrero i roto i tētahi āhuatanga pēnei? Whakaūtia anō koe, ā, kaua e uru atu. E mōhio ana koe ki a rātou. Kua whakapau kaha koe ki te tautuhi i ā rātou tauira.

Kua tae ki te wā kia mutu te tuku i a rātou ki te uru atu ki ō ngoikoretanga, koinei anake tā rātou patu hei whawhai ki a koe, ā, tīmata ki te wetewete i ngā mea katoa mai i roto. Ko te huarahi pai ki te urupare ki te hauhautanga ko te hanga i tō whakapono ki a koe anō me tō whakaaro nui mai i te tīmatanga kia kore ai koe e pāngia e ā rātou mahi tinihanga.

6. Hanga moni ki te tiaki i a koe anō

Ko te tiaki i a koe anō te huarahi tino whānui ki te urupare ki te gaslighting. He mea nui te manaaki i a koe anō me te hoatu i te tiaki e hiahiatia ana e tō hinengaro me tō tinana kia ora ai rātou ina ngana koe ki te urupare ki te gaslighting. Ki te kore koe e aro ki te gaslighting, ka ohorere rātou. Kāore pea i te ahua nui engari ki te marino me te noho pūmau koe, ka uaua ake te whakahaere a ngā gaslighting i a koe.

Ka hopukina e ēnei tāngata ngā ngoikoretanga. Mēnā ka hoatu he māia marino ki a rātou, ka oma noa atu rātou ki te rapu i tētahi atu hopu māmā ake. Haunga tēnā, ki te kore koe e whakapau kaha ki te tiaki i a koe anō, ki te whakahoki anō hoki i a koe ki te ariā o te whakatakoto i a koe anō ki mua, me te haumi ki te tiaki i a koe anō, kāore e taea e koe te whakaaro me pēhea te whakautu ina riria koe e tētahi.

7. Pātai atu ki ō whanaunga

Ki te tīmata koe ki te mōhio kei te whakahaerehia koe, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te whakautu ki te hauātanga, kua tae pea te wā ki te whakauru i te hunga e tata ana ki a koe. hoa tāne paitini Ka whakawhirinaki tō hoa wahine, tō hoa wahine rānei ki te wehe i a koe i tō pūnaha tautoko kia taea ai e rātou te whakamahi kino i a koe. Engari kaua e tuku i a rātou kia mawhiti, whakapā atu ki ō whanaunga mō te āwhina me te tohutohu.

He uaua ake ki ngā kaiwhakataetae hau te mawhiti i ā rātou kēmu ina tūtaki ki tētahi rōpū e kite noa ana i ā rātou mahi tinihanga i te patunga. Ka taea hoki e te tirohanga hou mai i ō hoa te āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi i ngā tauira paitini me te whakawhanake i tētahi mahere hei ārai i aua tauira.

8. Tikina he whakaaro ngaio

Ahakoa he mea nui te tono atu ki tō whānau me ō hoa kia tautoko i a koe, i ētahi wā, kāore pea e ranea hei huri i te tai. Nā te mea, kāore e taea e rātou te noho tahi me koe i ngā wā katoa hei ārai i te hauhautanga o tō hoa. He whakaaro pai tonu te rapu āwhina ngaio me te rongoā i roto i ēnei āhuatanga. Ka taea e tō kaiwhakaora te whakaatu ki a koe i ngā huarahi pumau hei whakautu ki te hauhautanga hei āwhina i a koe mai i tukino aronganui ahakoa kei te tūtaki koe ki ō wehi nui.

Ka pāngia hoki ngā tāngata i pangia e te hauātanga, e ngā raruraru hinengaro pērā i te kore whakapono ki a rātou anō, te manukanuka rānei. Tērā pea ka whakararuraru tēnei i tā rātou mahi, i tā rātou oranga o ia rā rānei. Mā te whai i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro ngaio koe e ārahi i roto i ēnei wā uaua ka rerekē ai. Mēnā kei te hiahia āwhina koe ki te whakatau me pēhea te urupare ki te hauātanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ko ngā kaitohutohu mātau me te wheako kei runga i te Te rōpū a Bonobology kei konei mo koe.

9. Whakarērea te whanaungatanga

Ahakoa ngā tohutohu, ngā āwhina rānei e whiwhi ana koe, ehara i te mea ngāwari te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kua tinihangatia koe e tō hoa kia whakaaro koe me mahi tahi rāua. Engari, ko te huarahi anake hei tiaki i a koe mai i take hauora hinengaro ā, ko te tango i te mana whakahaere o tōu ao ko te motuhia rawatia ngā hononga ki a rātou.

Ina whakatau koe ki te tū atu mōu ake, me te whakautu ki te hauhautanga, kia maumahara koe he tika kia whiwhi koe i te mea pai ake. He tika kia whiwhi koe i tētahi hoa aroha e kore e whakakino i a koe i ia kokonga, i ia taahiraa. He tika kia whakatenatenahia koe me te harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha.

Ka māmā noa te mōhio me pēhea te urupare ki te whakahāwea i a koe. Ko te mōhio, te tautohetohe, me te whakatinanatanga e hiahia ana ki te maia. Hei whakamutunga, ki te mea kei te taha koe o tētahi e whakahāwea ana i a koe i runga i te mōhio, i te kore mōhio rānei, he mea nui kia mahara koe kāore koe i te mokemoke. Ko tō oranga tēnei, ā, e whakaaetia ana koe kia haere.

Ki te kore koe e pai ki te tautohetohe, kia mōhio koe he pai te karo i te katoa. Haere marie atu, kaua e tukua kia kōrero mai rātou ki a koe, kia tawai mai rānei kia kore ai koe e haere. Ina kite rātou kei te ngaro tō rātou mana whakahaere, tera pea ka teka rātou, ka ngana ki te whakapohehe i a koe, ka huri rānei hei tutu. Nō reira, he tika te kore e hiahia ki te tango i taua mōrearea.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.