Te Hononga Whara: He aha te Tangata e Noho Ana i roto i ngā Hononga Tūkino

He aha ia te kore ai e haere noa atu? He aha ia te kore ai e whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga e mārama ana he paitini? Ka pōhēhē tātou i ēnei pātai ina kite tātou i te tangata e tōia ana ki roto i ngā whanaungatanga tukino, koretake rānei, e kore e puta he mea engari ko te mamae me te pōuri. Haunga te manukanuka o ngā tāngata i pāngia mō tō rātou haumaru, te haumarutanga me ngā whakaritenga o te tīmatanga anō, ka kitea hoki e rātou kāore e taea te wetewete i aua hononga. Ko tēnei ngoikore e kitea ana he pūtake nō tētahi hononga kare ā-roto kaha, e mōhiotia ana ko te hononga whara, e ahu mai ana i tētahi huringa auau o te tukino, te whakaiti i te uara, me te whakapakari pai.

"Me pēhea taku whakarērea i a ia?" "Kāore e taea e au te whakaaro i tōku ao me te kore rātou." "Engari e aroha ana ia ki ahau." "Ki taku whakaaro he wāhi anō tāku ki roto i ngā raruraru o ā māua whanaungatanga." Koinei ngā kōrero a ngā tāngata i tukinotia hei whakamārama i te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, whakapōrearea hoki. Ka puta tēnei ina huri haere te tukino, ka whakakiia tonutia e te whanaungatanga piripono me te atawhai, ka hua ake he kare ā-roto kaha, he maha ngā wā ka taupatupatu koe ki te mārama.

I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka kōrerohia e te tohunga hinengaro haumanu Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Te Whare Wānanga o Manchester), te kaiwhakaū o Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, he tohunga ki te tohutohu i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine me te whakaora whānau, e tuhituhi ana mō ngā momo āhuatanga rerekē o ngā herenga whara, hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama he aha aua mea, he aha i hangaia ai, he aha ngā tohu e wehewehe ana i ngā herenga whara mai i te aroha, me pēhea hoki e taea ai e koe te whakaora i a koe anō.

He aha te hononga whara?

I te tau 1997 i hangaia te kupu "trauma bonding" e Patrick Cannes, he tohunga ki te rongoā waranga. I roto i tana tuhinga, Trauma Bonds, He aha te iwi e hono ai ki te hunga e whara ana i a rātou, e whakamārama ana ia me pēhea tēnei momo o "ngā herenga kore mahi e puta ana i te aroaro o te tūpono, te whakama, te whakamahi kino rānei" hei whakaaturanga o te huarahi e urupare ai tō tātou hinengaro ki te whara.

Ka taea e ngā here mamae te mau i roto i tetahi hononga kino, ahakoa te roa, te poto rānei o te wā. Heoi, ka piki ake te tūponotanga ina whakaatu te kaitukino i tōna aroha me te ngākau aroha ki tā rātou patunga, ka whakapono rātou kāore te tukino e hoki mai anō. Ko tēnei nekehanga i waenga i te tukino me te whakakaha pai, ka arahi ki ngā kare ā-roto taupatupatu i roto i te patunga, ka pupuri i a rātou ki te tumanako kāore te kaitukino i te kino katoa, ā, ka taea te huri i ō rātou āhuatanga.

Ina tahuri te hoa (te hoa aroha rānei) ki te tukino, ka tino mamae, ka miharo hoki. Heoi, ka whai ake pea rātou i tēnei whanonga me ngā whakapumautanga aroha, ngā whakaaturanga aroha me te oati ki te huri. Nā te mea kua atawhai me te aroha rātou ki a koe i mua, ā, kei te mahi tonu i ētahi wā, ka whakapono koe ka huri ngā mea hei pai ake.

Ka mau tonu koe ki ngā maharatanga o aua rā harikoa o te whanaungatanga, ā, e whakapono ana koe ka taea e koe te hoki ki taua wāhi mēnā i hoatu e koe he "wā anō" ki a rātou. Ā, ka haere tonu te huringa hononga mamae. I ia wā ka whai ake he wā hou o te tukino me te whanonga atawhai, aroha, whakapāha, ka kite koe kei te piri atu koe ki te tangata. I tētahi wā, ka herea tō uara ki te whakamana e tukuna ana e rātou i roto i te ahua o te pupuhi aroha, te whakanui nui rānei.

Te hononga i waenga i ngā hononga whara me ngā wheako o te tamarikitanga

Peera tonu i ta maatau kāhua āpitihanga, ko ngā tohu o te hononga mamae i ahu mai i ngā wheako o te tamarikitanga. Ahakoa e mōhio ana koe he mahi tukino te whanaungatanga, ka whiriwhiri koe ki te noho tonu nā te mea kei te ora anō koe i ngā mamae o tō tamarikitanga mā roto i tēnei hononga, me te tumanako ka taea e koe te whakarerekē i te kōrero me te puta he hua rerekē.

Ko te hiahia kia whakamanahia, kia honoa hoki tō whakaaro ki a koe anō ki ngā whakakaha pai mai i tētahi hoa tukino, i ahu mai anō hoki i ngā hiahia kare ā-roto kāore anō kia tutuki i ngā tau whanaketanga. Ko tētahi atu take e noho tonu ai te tangata i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tukino, e piri atu ai ki ō rātou kaitukino, he mea kua mōhio rātou ki te āhuatanga o te whanaungatanga.

Ko te huringa hononga mamae e ahu mai ana i te momo piripono koretake. Mō te hunga e tipu ake ana i te taha o ngā mātua mangere, tukino rānei, e pāngia ana rānei e te tukino kare ā-roto, tinana, moepuku rānei i a rātou e tamariki ana, ka tīmata te whakaaro he aha te āhua o te whanaungatanga piripono. Ka tīmata rātou ki te whakaae ki te tukino kare ā-roto, tinana rānei hei wāhanga noa o te whanaungatanga.

Te pānui e pā ana: He aha ia ka noho tonu ai i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga tukino?

Ngā Tohu Herenga Whara

Ko Alisha (i whakarerekētia te ingoa hei tiaki i te tuakiri), he tohunga hokohoko 35-tau te pakeke, e raru ana ki te whakaoti i tētahi whārite aroha uaua i tana haerenga ki te rongoā hinengaro. Kua uru ia ki tētahi momo mahi noa whanaungatanga anō-anō-anō me tētahi tāne kei te tīmatanga o ōna tau 20, ā, i mau tonu te whanaungatanga tae noa ki te 10 tau o tana marena. Ahakoa i kī ia e aroha ana ki tana tāne, ā, e tino makona ana ki tana whanaungatanga, i kitea e ia tōna hiahia ki tēnei tāne anō i ētahi wā.

"He rite ki te kukume e kore e taea e au te ātete." "He wā anō ka tino hiahia ahau ki te toro atu ki a ia, ā, ki te kore e taea e au, ka rite ahau ki te tangata kua whakakahoretia tā rāua awhina." "Ahakoa te whakaaro kāore ia i roto i tōku ao, he tino whakamataku, ka totohu tōku ngākau." "Me i aroha mai ia ki ahau pērā i tōku aroha ki a ia, ki taku whakaaro ka kitea e au he huarahi hei neke atu."

I a ia e tīmata ana ki te wetewete i ngā paparanga o ōna kare ā-roto i te wā o te whakaora, ka mārama haere te whakatau: i mauheretia ia i roto i te huringa hononga whara me tēnei tangata kē atu i roto i tōna ao. He rite tonu te ahua o tēnā ki a koe? Me tūhuratia ngā tohu o te hononga whara kia pai ake ai te aromatawai mēnā kei roto koe i te waka kotahi me Alisha:

• Parenga: Kei te tiaki tonu koe i a koe anō i te whanaungatanga, ā, kei te mau tonu te wehi kei puta mai anō tētahi atu huringa tukino i tētahi wā. Kei te hīkoi tonu koe i runga i ngā anga hua manu i roto i te whanaungatanga.
• Te ahua mokemoke: Kei te tino mokemoke koe, ā, kei te whakapono koe kāore he tangata hei rapu āwhina māu. Ehara i te mea kua tangohia katoatia e tō hoa ō whanaunga i tō ao – ahakoa he mea noa tēnei i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tukino – engari ahakoa he hapori katoa kei te tautoko i a koe, kei te whakaaro koe kāore koe e uru ki roto, kāore hoki koe e noho ki roto. E tino whakaaro ana koe kāore e taea e koe te whakawhirinaki atu ki a koe anō.
• Te whakawhirinakitanga tahi: Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tino rongonui o te hononga whara ko te whakawhirinakitanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. E whakaaro ana koe kāore e taea e koe te mahi me te kore tō hoa rangatira. E ai ki ngā kupu a Alisha, "Ahakoa te whakaaro mō te korenga o ia i roto i tōku ao he tino whakamataku, ā, ka totohu tōku ngākau"
• Te whakamarie i roto i te pouri: Ka tino taunga koe, ka taunga hoki ki te mamae i puta mai i te whanaungatanga tukino/tāhae, ā, kāore koe e whakaae kei te hē tetahi mea.
• Te whakaiti i a koe anō: Ka uru koe ki te whakaiti i a koe anō me te kōrero kino ki a koe anō hei whakatau i te rangimārie ki tō āhuatanga, me te kī atu ki a koe anō i ngā mea pēnei i te "Kāore au e arohaina" me te "E tika ana kia pēnei ahau"
• Te huna i a koe anō: I te pātaitanga ki a Alisha i tētahi o āna hui mō ngā kare ā-roto o tēnei tangata mō ōna kare ā-roto kaha mōna, ka mea ia, "Kāore ia e mōhio. Ki te kōrero atu ahau ki a ia, ka tawhiti rawa atu ia, ka kore hoki e taea te whakapā atu ki a ia. Nō reira, ka huna e au ngā mea katoa, me te tumanako ka tīmata ia, ā, ka taea e au te whakapuaki i tōku ngākau ki a ia." Ko te huna i ō ake hiahia kia tutuki ai ngā hiahia o tō hoa rangatira tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te hononga mamae. Ka ngaro koe i a koe anō kia whiwhi ai i tā rātou whakaae.
• Te hiahia mō te paitini: Ko te huringa herenga mamae nā te hiahia tahi ki te whai wāhi ki ngā whanonga paitini. Ehara i te mea ko te kaitukino anake, engari ko te patunga anō hoki e rapu ana i tēnei – pērā i te tangata waranga e rapu ana i tā rātou rongoā e whai ake nei

Te pānui e pā ana: 5 Ngā Tohu o te Tūkino Hinengaro me Tūpato Koe, e Whakatūpato ana te Kaiwhakaora

Me pēhea te whakaora i te hononga whara?

Ka taea e te huringa hononga whara kino te waiho i te tangata kia mauheretia, me te mea kāore he ara puta. Tērā pea ka pātai koe, "Ka taea e koe te ora ake i te hononga whara?" Ko te whakautu he āe. Engari kāore e tika ana mēnā kāore he mōhiohio me te mōhiotanga e tika ana. Ko te nuinga o te tangata ka uru ki roto i ēnei whanaungatanga me te kore e mōhio he hononga whara kei te pupuri i a rātou, ehara i te aroha.

Ka whakahaerehia e au ngā wā whakaora rōpū, ā, kua kite ahau i ngā tohunga hinengaro e whakakahore ana i ō rātou whanaungatanga taupatupatu me ngā tohu o te hononga whara. Nō reira, ko te whakatū i te māramatanga me te whakaae ki ngā mea e tupu ana, me te whakaora anō hoki, koinei anake ngā whakautu ki te pehea e ora ai i te hononga whara.

He rerekē te huarahi e haria ai koe e tēnei haerenga whakaora, me tōna tikanga mō te whanaungatanga tukino kei roto koe, i ia tangata, i ia tokorua. I ētahi wā, ehara te wehenga i te kōwhiringa mō ngā tāngata i pāngia, nō reira ko te mahi huri noa i te whanonga tukino me te waihanga i ngā taurite hou, hauora ake i roto i tētahi hononga tawhito te huarahi pai rawa atu.

I ētahi wā, ka taea e ngā hoa e rua te mahi tahi kia puta he huringa ki roto i tō rāua whanaungatanga. kua whakamātauhia ngā painga o te tohutohu i roto i ēnei āhuatanga, mā te mahi i ngā mahi e tika ana hei wawahi i ngā tauira tawhito ka taea te whakatakoto i te ara whakamua. Kātahi ka kitea e ngā tāngata i pāngia te kino o te whārite ki a rātou, ā, ka whakatau rātou ki te neke atu.

Ahakoa te hua, ko te haerenga ki te whakaoranga he whai i ētahi mahi noa. Anei me pēhea te whakaora i te hononga mamae:

• Mahara: Kua tino mōhiotia te hiranga o te noho ora me te whakakori tinana auau mō te hauora pai, ā, kua mōhiotia whānuitia i ēnei rā, ā, he tokomaha te hunga e ngana ana ki te whakamahi i ēnei tikanga i roto i ō rātou oranga o ia rā, me pērā anō hoki te hauora hinengaro. Ki te kore te iwi e mōhio ki tā rātou e pāngia ana, me pēhea rātou e ora ai i tēnei āhuatanga?
• Te rapu rongoā: Me pēhea te whakaora i te hononga whara? Ki te pātai koe i tēnei pātai, kia mahara he tata kore e taea te haere ko koe anake i tēnei haerenga. Me hiahia koe ki te āwhina tohunga mai i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro/kaitohutohu kua whakangungua, kua mātau hoki, me taua wāhi haumaru hei mārama ki ō kare ā-roto. Mahi ki a koe anō, wahia ō tauira, me te whakarerekē i ngā mea e pupū ake ana i roto. Ki te kore tēnei, ahakoa ka angitu koe ki te wahi i tētahi hononga whara, ka haere tonu koe ki te hanga i tētahi atu me tētahi atu.
• Nga tikanga tiaki whaiaro: Haunga te mahi kaha ki a koe anō, he pai te whai i ētahi tikanga tiaki i a koe anō i ia rā. Ka taea e koe te whakamātau i te tuhi i tētahi rātaka – kaua e aro ki ngā taipitopito o ngā mea i tupu i te rā engari ki ō kare ā-roto i aua wheako, me whai i tētahi tangata haumaru hei whakawhirinaki atu ki a koe, hei whakarongo ki ngā pukapuka oro, hei mātaki rānei i ngā ataata whakahihiri.

He urupare ā-roto tūturu te hononga mamae, te huarahi a tō hinengaro ki te aro atu ki tētahi wheako mamae, ehara i te tohu ngoikore. Mā te whakapuaki i ō wheako, me te mea nui ake, te rapu i te āwhina tika hei whakaora i te huringa hononga mamae hōhonu, ka taea te whakarato i te tino whakamarie, ka āwhina i a koe ki te kite i te māramatanga i te mutunga o tētahi kauhanga roa, pōuri.

Ki te kite koe i ēnei tohu o te hononga mamae, ā, e whakapae ana koe kua pāngia koe e tēnei āhuatanga i roto i tō whanaungatanga piripono, whakaarohia te kōrero ki tētahi kaiārahi. Kei te wātea he āwhina māu mā roto i Te rōpū a Bonobology o ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana me ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai wheako.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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