Ko te tinihanga i roto i tētahi hononga pumau, kotahi te hoa, ka pā kino ki te whakawhirinaki i waenga i ngā hoa. Ko te tangata kua tinihangatia ka raru i te mamae, te manukanuka me te mamae e puta mai ana i te tinihanga. Kia puta te tinihanga, ka raru te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i ngā pātai mō te heke mai o tō rātou whanaungatanga. Me pēhea te muru i te hara o te hoa tinihanga? Me pēhea rānei? Mena āe, me pēhea te whakaora i tēnei pakaru o te whakawhirinaki me te tīmata anō? I kōrero mātou ki te tohunga hinengaro hinengaro me te tohunga whakatauira whakawhiti-tangata, a Tākuta Gaurav Deka , kia mārama ai ki ngā whakautu ki ēnei pātai uaua.
Me pēhea te muru i te hara o tō hoa tinihanga, ā, me pēhea hoki koe?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
E ai ki a Tākuta Gaurav, ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e kōrerohia ana e ia ka puta ake ētahi o ngā take tino kuware me ngā take tino nui. Ko te mea kāore anō kia kitea, ko ia tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga ka kawea mai e ia āna ake kawenga kare ā- roto mai i ō rātou ake whānau, ngā akoranga o tō rātou ake tamarikitanga, ō rātou whakatipuranga, whakapono rānei, waiaro, kare ā-roto rānei. I roto i ngā huarahi maha, ko tā rātou huarahi ki te hoatu me te whiwhi aroha kua tukuna iho i roto i ō rātou whānau.
E whakapono ana a Tākuta Gaurav, ehara te marena i te mea ko te hononga o ngā tāngata tokorua anake, engari ko te hononga o ngā pūnaha e rua hei hanga i te hononga. Koia ia e mahi tahi ana me ngā pūnaha whānau, me ngā whanaungatanga whānau kia kite ai, kia mārama ai ia kiritaki ki ngā mea e kawea mai ana e rātou mai i ō rātou ake whānau me ngā pūnaha, kaua ko te noho hei mahi takitahi.
E pā ana hoki ēnei mātāpono ki te āhua kino o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te take e tinihanga ai te hoa i tetahi atu, me te āhua o te tauhohenga a tetahi atu ki tēnā, koia anō te mutunga o tēnei taumahatanga. Me taua whakaaro, anei ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio mō te murunga hara, te kore rānei, o te hoa tinihanga, me pēhea hoki:
1. He aha ngā momo raruraru/kare ā-roto ka puta mai ki a koe te tokorua, te tangata rānei, ina kitea e rāua kua tinihanga tā rāua hoa rangatira?
He onge te taenga mai o tētahi tokorua. He mea noa ake te taenga mai o tētahi takitahi, ko ia te tangata i tinihangatia, i tinihangatia rānei, ā, ko te nuinga o rātou e whakaaro ana, e mea ana, "I tupu noa iho tēnei mea i roto i tōku ihu, me pēhea rā ahau i kore ai e mōhio?" Nō reira, ko te mea ngaro e tino whakararuraru ana i a rātou, ā, muri iho ko ngā take whakawhirinaki, ko te whakamahi hē rānei i te whakawhirinaki.
2. Engari me pēhea rātou e kore ai e kite? Ki te mōhio pai koe ki tō hoa, me pēhea koe e kore ai e kite kei te tinihanga ia i a koe?
Nā te mea kāore tātou e mōhio ana ki tētahi katoa ahakoa e hiahia ana tātou ki te whakapono pērā. Ehara i te mea ko tō tātou hoa rangatira anake, engari ko ō tātou mātua, ko ō tātou hoa rānei, kāore tātou e mōhio katoa. He wāhanga atarangi tō ia tangata, he wāhanga mārama hoki, ā, kāore e mōhiotia te atarangi i ngā wā katoa.
Ko te take kāore anō kia mōhiotia, he maha ngā wā kāore e taea e ngā hoa te whakapuaki i ō rātou whakaaro. Ehara i te mea e hiahia ana rātou ki te huna, ki te tinihanga rānei, ki te mahi i tētahi mea hē, engari he nui te whakama. Ahakoa kāore rātou i te makona ki te hinengaro, ki te moepuku rānei, kua wehe kē rānei rātou i roto i te wā, kāore e taea e rātou te whakaae, te kōrero rānei ki ō rātou hoa mōna. I hiahia noa rātou ki te whai huarahi mawhiti atu i tō rātou oranga o ia rā.
Pānui e pā ana: 20 Ngā Kōrero Pakiwaitara me ngā Mea Pono mō te Tinihanga i roto i te Marena
3. Ā, me ngā pātai pēnei i te 'Kāore au i te pai rawa' me te 'Kei te hapa ahau i tetahi mea'? He mea noa te whakaaro ruarua i a au anō?
Heoi anō, ko ngā take whakahāwea i a ia anō te take o te nekehanga o te aro. Hei tauira, ki te mea e rua ngā tamariki a te whaea, ka tino pōuri te tamaiti matua, ka kore hoki e arohaina nā te mea ka arohia te tamaiti te tamaiti iti. Waihoki, ka pā te kare o te aroha ki te tangata kua tinihangatia.
4. He aha atu ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te tangata i tinihangatia? Ka hinga te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō, kāore?
Ae, ka pērā tonu. Ka pakaru tō pūnaha katoa, ā, kāore e taea e koe te titiro ki a koe anō pērā i mua, nā te mea he maha ngā tāngata e titiro ana ki a rātou anō mā roto i ngā kanohi o ō rātou hoa. Ko ngā mea ngāwari pēnei i te 'ki te mahi ahau i tēnei, ka koa rātou' me te 'ki te mau ahau i tēnei, ka ātaahua te āhua' – ko te katoa kei runga i te whakaae. Nō reira, i muri i tēnā ka hinga te pūnaha whakaae, ā, ka waiho rātou me te āhua korekore. Kei hea rātou e haere ai ki te rapu whakaae inaianei?
5. I roto i tāu mahi, e hia ngā wā ka rapu tohutohu ngā hoa tokorua i muri i te kitenga o te tinihanga? Kāore rānei ko te tangata anake i tinihangatia?
I roto i te 10% pea o ngā take, ka uru mai anō te hoa tinihanga . He iti iho tēnei nā te mea, e ai ki taku kōrero i mua, he nui rawa te whakama i te whakaae ki tā rātou i mahi ai. I roto i ngā 90% e toe ana, ka tae mai te tangata i tinihangatia, ka whakatau i ā rātou raruraru mā rātou anō. Ā, 70% o aua 90% kāore i te kitea he otinga nā te kore tautohetohe.
Ahakoa ngā wā ka whakatau te tokorua ki te noho tahi, me whakatau e te tangata kua rapu āwhina te raruraru i a ia anō. Ko te nuinga o ngā hoa kāore e pai ki te mahi i ā rātou raruraru. He tino onge te tautoko a te hoa i a rātou i a te kiritaki e whakaoti ana i ā rātou mahi whakaora me te whakaora.
6. He aha te ōwehenga o ngā tāne ki ngā wāhine o ngā kiritaki e haere mai ana ki a koe me tēnei take?
E mōhio ana koe, i Inia, ko te kaupapa o te whakaora hinengaro he whakaatu i ngā kare ā-roto o ngā wāhine, engari ko ngā tāne he katia ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou kare ā-roto. Tērā ētahi wā ka pāngia ngā tāne e te hara tinihanga , ā, kāore rātou e hiahia ki te tinihanga tonu, engari e hiahia ana ki te kimi huarahi.
Nō reira, ka tae mai rātou i waenganui o te mahi, ka mea kāore rātou e hiahia ki te mahi i tēnā i muri mai. Ka kōrero ahau i tētahi mea tino rerekē, engari i te nuinga o te wā, ko te mea e whakatau ana i te whanaungatanga o te wahine ki te tāne ko te momo whanaungatanga e tohaina ana e ia ki tōna whaea, ā, ko te mea e whakatau ana i te whanaungatanga o te tāne ki te wahine ko te momo whanaungatanga e tohaina ana e ia ki tōna pāpā.
Ko te take i kōrero ai ahau i tēnei, nā te mea ina tae mai ngā wāhine ki te tinihanga, i roto i ō rātou ake whānau kua tinihanga kē tō rātou pāpā, tō rātou tungāne rānei i mua. Nō reira, hei wahine, e whakaaro ana ia kei te hiahia ia ki te wahinetanga o te whānau, ā, ka pērā anō ia.
Ko tāku e ngana ana ki te kī, tera pea he momo whakapono kei roto i ngā whānau, ā, nā reira ka puta te tinihanga i roto i ētahi tāne, engari kāore i roto i ētahi atu tāne. Anō, mō ngā tāne, ko te nuinga o rātou e whakaaro ana ka taea e rātou te tinihanga, ā, tera pea ka mawhiti, ehara i te mea he whara i tā rātou hoa, engari nā te whakapono.
Ko te whakatau ki te tinihanga e whakahaeretia ana e tana tirohanga mō te tikanga o te tangata me te momo kaha e whakaarohia ana e ia me whai ia i roto i te whanaungatanga, e whakatauhia ana hoki e tana pūnaha whakapono e mau ana i roto i tōna ake whānau. Nō reira, ki te mea kei konei te tangata tinihanga, kei roto anō hoki i te whānau te tangata tinihanga.
Pānui e pā ana: Te Whakaponokore: Me Whaki Koe i Te Tinihanga Ki Tō Hoa?
7. Ina uru tetahi o ngā hoa rangatira ki tētahi mahi moepuku, ko te tikanga rānei tēnei kua kore he aroha, he aroha rānei e toe ana i roto i te marena? He aha te tikanga o te "aroha" i roto i te marena?
Ko te nuinga o te wā, ehara i te mea mō te tokorua, engari mō te marena, engari mō te aroha o te tangata ki a ia anō. He tuhinga ataahua nā tēnei kaiwhakaora hinengaro ko Esther Perel te ingoa, "He aha te hunga harikoa e tinihanga ai?" e kī ana, ina tinihanga te tangata, kei te ngaro noa i a rātou tētahi wāhanga o rātou anō. Ka ngaro i a rātou taua wāhanga, arā, te taitamarikitanga, te hihiri, te ahuareka, me te tinihanga kia taea ai te noho i roto i taua moemoeā, i taua mirumiru rānei.
8. He aha ngā tūponotanga ka ora tonu te marena mēnā kua uru tētahi, ngā hoa tokorua rānei ki tētahi mahi puremu?
Ki taku whakaaro, ko te tūponotanga he 50-50. Ko te nuinga o te tangata e titiro ana ki tēnei hei mutunga, he mea pea, engari ko ētahi – he tino onge – e titiro pai ana ki tēnei mea, ā, e whiriwhiri ana ki te whakaae ki te take me te mahi ki te whakatika. I roto i te whare marena, mēnā he whakatahe, he materoto rānei kei roto, he maha ngā wā kua kite ahau i te mate o tētahi mea i roto i te tokorua.
Ka hua ake he āputa i waenganui i te tokorua, hei wāhi tino pai mō te urunga mai o tētahi atu tangata. Tērā tetahi mea kāore e taea te whakamārama i roto i te huarahi whakaaro nui e arahi ana ki te wehenga o te tokorua. Ahakoa kāore e taea e au te tuku tātaritanga ā-wheako mō tēnei, he kitenga noa iho tēnei.
9. He aha ngā wāhanga o te mahi i runga i tētahi whanaungatanga, te whakaora rānei i muri i te tinihanga, ā, me pēhea te mahi i tēnā?
I te nuinga o te wā, ka hē te tangata i te houhanga rongo, arā, ko te hiahia kia wareware, kia murua hoki te hara i taua wā tonu, mēnā kei te hiahia tonu rātou kia noho tonu ki roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka kī atu ahau ki a rātou kāore e taea, nā te mea ki te murua wawetia e koe te hara, ka hoki mai anō i roto i te ahua o te riri pehia. Me mārama tātou ka puta mai ngā wāhanga katoa o te ngakau pouri – te Kore Whakaae, te Riri, te Pouri, te Whakawhitiwhiti Kōrero me te Whakaae.
Ka pāngia rātou e te kore whakaae i te tīmatanga, ā, muri iho ka riri, ka pouri, tae noa ki te whiriwhiringa, arā, ko te whakatakoto i te whakapae – mehemea i mahia e koe tēnei, kua kore tēnei e tupu, ā, ko te ritenga kē. Koia te take e noho tonu ai te nuinga o te tangata i roto i te huringa whiriwhiringa nā te mea he take whakaaro nui ki a rātou anō, kātahi ka tae mai te whakaae.
He tokoiti noa iho ngā tāngata e whiriwhiri ana kia kite ehara i te mea nā rātou te take, ehara hoki i te mea nā rātou te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Engari, ko te hoa tinihanga te take o tēnei mahi ki a rātou anō me te whanaungatanga. Nā rātou anō ētahi āhuatanga, whakapono, waiaro me ngā mamae i pā mai i ō rātou whānau me ō rātou hītori. Kāore i te maha ngā tāngata e tutuki i tēnei wāhanga.
Mō ētahi atu ataata tohunga, ohauru mai ki tā mātou Hongere Youtube. Pāwhiri ki konei.
Pānui e pā ana: Te Murunga i te Hoa Tinihanga: I Mau ahau i taku Hoa e Tinihanga ana, ā, koinei te wāhi kei reira mātou ināianei
10. Nā te mea ko ngā mea o mua e mau tonu ana i a tātou e whakatau ana mēnā he nui ake, he iti iho rānei tō tātou uara i roto i te whanaungatanga?
Ahakoa te tinihanga, he rerekē tonu te āhua o te whanaungatanga i waenganui i ngā hoa e rua. E whakaaro ana tētahi he nui ake, he hiranga ake i tētahi atu.
11. Ka taea e te moepuku te āwhina i te tokorua, i te whanaungatanga rānei i ētahi wā?
He pono, nā te mea i ētahi wā ka mōhio te tangata ki ngā mea kāore i kōrerotia, ngā mea i ngaro, me ngā mea kāore i kitea i roto i te whanaungatanga. Tuarua, e ai ki taku kōrero i mua, tera pea he mamae o mua i roto i te tokorua pēnei i te whakatahe, te materoto, te mate rānei o te tamaiti, ā, tera pea koinei te take i tinihanga ai rāua.
Ki te kore ēnei mea e kōrerohia, kāore te pouri e whakapuakina, e tukuna tikatia. Ina puta te tinihanga, he wāhi pea tēnei mō tēnā ahakoa ka puta mai i te riri me te hamama, ā, ka taea e te tokorua te mōhio me te kite i te take o te wehenga.
12. Ka pāngia rānei ngā tamariki e te whakangaromanga o tētahi puremu, mēnā he tamariki anō kei roto i te whārite?
Nō nā tata nei, i pā mai tētahi kiritaki ki ahau e noho mataku tonu ana kei harikoa ake tā rātou hoa rangatira ki tētahi atu, ā, i moemoeā kino anō hoki rātou mō te noho tahi o tā rātou hoa rangatira me tētahi atu. Nō reira, i pātai atu ahau mēnā kua kite rātou i tā rātou hoa rangatira e noho tahi ana me tētahi atu, ā, he aha te take o ēnei kare ā-roto.
I kī ia mai anō i te rima o ōna tau kua kite ia i tōna pāpā e tinihanga ana, ā, nā reira kāore ia i te tino haumaru i roto i tana whanaungatanga, nā te mea e whakaaro ana ia ka pāngia ia e te mate pērā anō. Nō reira, āe, he pānga ngā mahi moepuku ki ngā tamariki.
13. Me pēhea te tiaki me te tiaki i ngā tamariki mai i te whakangaromanga o tētahi moepuku?
Ka taea te tiaki i ngā tamariki, ā, me tiaki hoki, inā koa i te wā e wehe ana te tamaiti, ina noho te tamaiti ki tētahi o ngā mātua, ā, ka tīmata te titiro a tēnei tamaiti ki tētahi atu mātua hei kaiwhakatupu hara. Koia mātou ka kī atu ai ki a rātou, ahakoa kāore koe i te pai ki te tangata i tēnei rā, ā, kua whakatau koe ki te tapahi i ngā hononga ki a rātou, kāore e taea e koe te aukati i te noho tonu o tētahi atu tangata hei matua mō tāu tamaiti.
Nō reira, ki te nui ake tāu kōrero ki tāu tamaiti mō te kino o tēnei tangata, mō te tukino rānei o tēnei tangata, ka puta ake aua āhuatanga katoa i muri mai i te ao nā te mea kei te kōrero koe ki a rātou mō taua āhuatanga. Engari, hoki atu ki te take i aroha ai koe ki tō hoa rangatira i te tuatahi, nā te mea tera ētahi āhuatanga pai hei hoatu i tētahi take ki a koe kia noho tahi me rātou.
Kōrerotia ki te tamaiti te āhua o te kukume i a koe ki aua āhuatanga, me te kōrero anō mō ngā āhuatanga pai, kaua mō ngā āhuatanga kino. Puritia tō pakihi māu anake, kaua e tukuna ki tāu tamaiti.
Ngā Pātai a ngā Kaimātakitaki
I tēnei wātū ora i runga i te Insta, he maha ngā pātai a ngā kaiwhaiwhai o Bonobology mō te tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga , me pēhea – mehemea rānei – ka taea e te tokorua te neke atu i taua mea:
1. Ka taea e te tangata kua tinihangatia i mua te tinihangatia anō i muri i ētahi tau?
Ae, tera pea ka tupu tēnā. He mea kei roto i a tātou e kore e taea te whakamārama – ka taea te kī he āhuatanga, he kaha, he whakapono, he waiaro rānei ki te hoatu me te whiwhi aroha – ka noho hei take whakahaere i muri i ō tātou tauira i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, e pūmau tonu ana.
2. Āhea koe ka mōhio me mutu tō whanaungatanga, ka neke atu?
Ko tāku whakautu māmā, mēnā ka puta ake i ngā wā maha. Pātai atu mēnā kei te hiahia rātou ki te whakapakari i te whanaungatanga mā te rongoā hinengaro me te tohutohu. Ki te kore, me whakamutu e koe, nā te mea ki te kore rātou e whai kawenga, ā, kāore hoki e hiahia ki te whakapakari, kua tae ki te wā kia neke atu.
3. Kei te piki haere ngā mahi ā-ira? Kei te nui haere tonu rānei, kāore rānei tātou i te mōhio?
I reira tonu. Nā te tipu haere o te hangarau, te wātea, tō tātou kaha ki te whakapuaki i ngā mea katoa, me ētahi atu āhuatanga, kua kitea ake ināianei kua kaha ake te reo o te tangata.
4. Me pēhea tātou e whakaiti ai i te whakahihi o te tangata i te rapu āwhina me te rapu rongoā mō ēnei momo take, inā koa i Inia?
I Īnia, he tino uaua ki te iwi te mārama ki te whakaaro ka taea e te tangata tuatoru, kāore nei i te mōhio ki te tokorua, ki te whanaungatanga rānei, te āwhina. Nō reira, e whakaaro ana rātou kāore e taea e te tangata o waho te whakatau i ngā take, engari ka taea e te tangata o waho te whakatau pai ake i ngā take mēnā he tohunga ngaio rātou, ā, he whakaaro kore whakaaro tō rātou mō taua mea.
Ka maha hoki ō rātou wheako ki te whakatau tautohe , koia te mea nui o te tangata o waho, nā te mea kei reira ētahi mea kāore pea e whakaaetia e te tangata ki ō rātou hoa, ki ō rātou whānau rānei, nā te wehi kei whakahengia rātou. Ehara i te mea nā ētahi atu, engari nā rātou anō.
Pānui e pā ana: Ina koa koe e marena ana engari e aroha ana ki tētahi atu
5. He mea āhua koretake, he mea tūturu rānei te tinihanga? He mea hanga tātou mō te marena kotahi? He mea hanga ā-iwi āhua koretake te marena?
Mā te tikanga taiao, ki te mea ko te tikanga koiora te take, kua whakaritea tātou e te ira kia maha ngā wāhine, kaua e kotahi te wāhine.
6. He aha te take e aro tonu ai tetahi hoa ki tetahi atu?
He tino rerekē te whakautu, engari ki te mea kei te pirangi tonu tetahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ki tētahi atu, ā, e hiahia ana ia ki te whakamutu, ki te kore rānei e taea e ia te āwhina, he maha ngā wā kei reira tētahi wāhanga o ia e hiahia tonu ana ki te pārekareka ki te oranga kua hanga e ia i roto i tōna ao wawata me te tangata kē.
Ko te nuinga o rātou kāore i te kitea i tēnei wā tonu, nō reira e hiahia tonu ana rātou ki te pikinga o te dopamine, ki te whakahihiri rānei. Nō reira, ehara i te mea mō te whanaungatanga, mō te tokorua rānei, engari mō te korenga o te oranga i mahue mai i ngā whara, i ngā wheako rānei o mua.
7. He aha ngā momo kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te hoa tinihanga?
Ko te take o te tinihanga ko te hiahia e ngaro ana. Hei tauira, ki te kai hauora koe i te roanga o te rā, ā, e mōhio ana koe kei roto i tō pouaka whakamātao he putea reka, he tiakarete rānei, ka haere tonu tō hinengaro ki taua whakamatautauranga. Ko te hinengaro anō hoki e whakahaere ana i ngā take me ngā kare ā-roto o te hoa tinihanga.
Mena kei te rere koe i roto i te waka kotahi, ko te tumanako ka āwhina ēnei tohutohu a ngā tohunga i a koe ki te whakatau i tō huarahi mahi ā muri ake nei. Mō ētahi atu taunekeneke whai kiko, whai i tā mātou pūkete Insta. @bonobology.
Aroha nui ahau ki taku tāne engari kei te pirangi tonu ahau ki taku hoa mahi
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
